iv_ 


niL: 


LIBRA-RY 

OP   THE 

Theological   Seminary, 

PRINCETON,    N.J. 

BV    3705    .M3   A4    1851    copy   2 
Martyn,    Henry,    1781-1812. 
Journal   and   letters   of   the 
Rev.    Henry  Martyn 

■   -              , 

JOURNAL  AND  LETTERS 


OF    THE 


REV.HEIRY  MAETYN,  B.D 


FELLOW   OF   ST.  JOHN  S  COLLEGE,  CAMBRIDGE  ;  AND  CHAPLAIN 
TO   THE   HONORABLE   EAST   INDIA   COMPANY. 


EDITED   BY 


THE  REV.  S.  WILBERFORCE,  M.  A., 

RECTOR    OF     BRIGHSTONE. 


FIRST    AMERICAN    EDITION,    ABRIDGED. 


He  being  dead  yet  speaketh.'* 


NEW  YORK: 
PUBLISHED  BY  M.  W.  DODD, 

BRICK    CHURCH    CHAPEL,    OPPOSITE   CITY    HALL. 
1851. 


Entered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1851,  by 

M.  W.  DODD, 

in  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  for  the  Southern  District  of 

New  York. 


EDWARD  O.  JENKINS,  PRINTER, 

114  Nassau  Street,  N.  Y, 


PUBLISHER'S   NOTICE. 

No  portion  of  the  matter  contained  in  this 
volume  has  been  previously  given  to  the  Ameri- 
can pubhc.  In  preparing  this  edition  for  the 
press,  the  editor  has  omitted  certain  portions  ol 
^less  interest,  but  has  made  no  alterations  in  those 
retained.  The  entire  contents  are  just  as  they 
came  from  the  heart  and  pen  of  Henry  Martyn. 


PREFACE 

TO   THE    AMERICAN   EDITION. 

There  is  no  modern  name  dearer  to  the  church  than  that 
of  Henry  Martyn.  A  volume  from  his  pen  on  any  subject 
could  not  fail  to  interest  the  Christian  public,  much  more  one 
like  this,  which  contains  the  records  of  his  heart.  All  those 
who  have  read  his  life,  will  earnestly  desire  to  read  his  Let- 
ters and  Journal, 

The  author  of  his  life  speaks  of  "  the  distracting  rtches  of 
his  journals,"  of  the  "  masses  of  ore"  left  behind,  when  he 
made  the  extracts  which  are  woven  into  the  narrative.  Those 
reserved  "  riches"  are  now,  for  the  first  time,  presented  to 
the  American  public.  We  doubt  not  they  will  be  eagerly 
appropriated  and  highly  prized. 

The  reader  of  this  volume  will  be  admitted  to  a  still  nearer 
view  of  Martyn's  character  than  is  given  in  his  Memoir.  He 
will  become  familiar  with  the  processes  by  which  Martyn's 
eminent  attainments  in  piety  were  made.  He  enjoyed  no 
peculiar  advantages  for  progress  in  the  divine  life.  He  had 
the  same  temptations  to  resist,  the  same  difficulties  to  over- 
come, as  other  men.  His  temptations  to  anger,  envy,  evil 
speaking,  and  worldly  mindedness  were  quite  as  great  as 


VI  PREFACE. 

those  which  beset  the  majority  of  men.  His  spiritual  attain- 
ments were  made  by  an  earnest,  diligent,  and  persevering 
use  of  the  means  within  the  reach  of  every  professed  follower 
of  Christ. 

This  book  is  specially  adapted  to  become  a  companion  for 
the  closet.  We  trust  that,  through  it,  Martyn  will  speak  to 
the  heart  of  many  a  Christian  as  he  retires  for  self-examina- 
tion and  communion  with  God ;  that  he  will  stimulate  thou- 
sands to  strive  after  that  entire  consecration  of  which  he  was 
so  bright  an  example. 

Books  which,  like  this,  appeal  directly  to  the  heart,  which 
show,  by  example,  how  it  can  be  kept  with  all  diligence,  are 
greatly  needed  at  the  present  time,  to  aid  in  checking  the  tide 
of  worldliness  which  is  rising  in  consequence  of  our  prosperi- 
ty, and  that  conformity  to  the  world  so  rapidly  increasing, 
notwithstanding  the  declaration  of  Christ,  "  ye  cannot  serve 
God  and  mammon." 

We  would  earnestly  commend  this  book  to  young  men  in 
our  colleges  and  seminaries  of  learning. 

Martyn  was  a  scholar  of  varied  and  profound  attainments, 
but  he  counted  it  his  highest  honor  to  lay  his  laurels  at  his 
Saviour's  feet.  Oh,  could  all  the  young  men  in  our  colleges 
go  forth  in  his  spirit,  the  strongholds  of  error  and  sin  would 
be  speedily  shaken,  and  from  all  parts  of  a  redeemed  world 
would  there  go  up  a  shout,  ''Alleluia,  for  the  Lord  God 
omnipotent  reigneth." 

New-York,  March  2Y,  1851. 


/ 


SniinnilH  ani  %tiltt*i. 


CHAPTER   I. 

Swansea,  August  9,  1802. 

Dear  Sargent  :  You  see  by  the  date  of  my  letter,  that  I 
have  almost  reached  the  end  of  my  long  pilgrimage.  Our 
first  resting-place  was  Weulock  in  Shropshire,  from  whence 
we  went  on  the  Sunday  to  Madeley  church.  You  must  haA^e 
heard  of  Mr.  Fletcher,  who  was  formerly  Vicar  of  this 
place.     We  were  introduced  to  Mrs.  F. 

Thus  have  I  been  preserved  by  the  protecting  providence 
of  God.  I  have  never  once  wished  for  a  companion  ;  even 
in  the  most  gloomy  moments  I  have  found  the  Bible  a  never- 
failing  source  of  interesting  thought. 

1803.  Jan.  8  — 11.  Often  gave  way  to  levity  and  arro- 
gance in  conversation,  and  was  frequently  assaulted  by 
temptations  to  cowardly  desires  of  the  world  :  but,  as  God 
never  suffered  them  to  be  of  long  continuance,  my  mind  en- 
joyed considerable  peace. 

St.  John's,  Jan.  17,  1803. 

My  dear  Sargent  :  I  find  from that  you  really  ex- 

oect  me  to  fulfil  a  promise  I  never  made.     However,  as  you 
lUow  me  to  send  you  even  a  skeleton  of  a  letter,  I  sit  down 


8  •    JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

resolved  to  avail  myself  of  the  permission,  if  I  find  it  ne- 
cessary. ■'^'  *  ^-  %  %  '1^ 
*  *  G —  and  H —  seem  to  disapprove  of  my 
project  mucli ;  and  on  this  account  I  have  been  rather  dis- 
couraged of  late,  though  not  in  any  degree  convinced.  It 
would  be  more  satisfactory  to  go  out  with  the  full  approba- 
tion of  my  friends,  but  it  is  in  vain  to  attempt  to  please  man. 
In  doubtful  cases,  we  are  to  use  the  opinions  of  others  no 
further  than  as  means  of  directing  our  own  judgment.  My 
sister  has  also  objected  to  it,  on  the  score  of  my  deficiency 
in  that  deep  and  solid  experience  necessary  in  a  missionary. 
You  have  taken  rooms,  I  think,  in  the  Temple,  so  that  the 
providence  of  God  seems  to  have  called  you  irrevocably  to 
the  profession  of  the  law.  Though  I  cannot  help  regretting 
that  one  so  well  qualified  to  preach  the  glad  tidings  of  salva- 
tion should  be  called  off  to  labor  in  the  business  of  this 
world,  yet  we  may  be  sure,  that  whatever  is  undertaken  ac- 
cording to  his  will,  will  be  attended  with  his  blessing.  You 
will,  I  dare  say,  find  a  double  degree  of  watchfulness  neces- 
sary to  preserve  a  proper  state  of  mind.  In  the  case  of 
those  who  minister  in  the  sanctuary,  temporal  and  spiritual 
occupations  are  one  ;  corresponding  to  the  necessity  of  a  su- 
perior degree  of  holiness  in  those  who  are  to  be  examples. 
But  in  your  case,  even  a  common  degree  of  spirituality  can- 
not be  maintained  without  much  attention.  Many  have 
found,  that  occasional  aspirations  after  God  have  been  made 
the  channels  of  the  communications  of  his  grace  in  the  midst 
of  worldly  business,  and  have  left  the  mind  not  disqualified 
for  the  employments  of  heaven.  Indeed,  this  seems  to  be  a 
good  criterion  of  our  state.  For  surely  the  new-born  soul 
never  more  truly  acts  according  to  its  heavenly  nature,  than 
when  it  delights  to  shake  off  the  clogs  of  earth,  and  to  leave 
the  world  beneath  it,  and  to  rise  exultingly  to  God.  Though 
it  is  hard  to  be  thus  minded,  yet  it  is  undoubtedly  our  privi- 


1803. J  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  9 

lege.  But  nothing  but  almighty  grace  is  sufficient  for  these 
things,  as  the  coldness  Ave  all  feel  manifests. 

Jan.  24.  In  my  walk  out,  and  during  the  remainder  of 
the  day,  the  sense  of  my  own  w^eakness  and  worthlessness 
called  me  to  watchfulness  and  dependence  upon  the  grace  of 

Christ.     Lost  much  time  at 's  in  the  evening,  by  joining 

in  trifling  conversation.  A  little  tract  on  eternity,  and  some 
of  the  book  of  Revelation,  made  a  strong  impression  upon 
me  this  evening.  Went  to  bed  with  a  clear  view  of  the  infi- 
nite necessity  of  an  ardent  pursuit  of  holiness. 

Jan.  25.  Bore  the  pall  at  Parry's  funeral,  but  my  heart 

was  cold  and  hard.     With  B in  the  evening,  no  one  but 

Foster  being  there.  Ought  I  not  to  have  introduced  the 
subject  of  religion  ?  How  short-lived  are  right  affections  ! 
What  madness  is  it  to  be  slothful  in  drawing  nigh  to  the 
Lord  ! 

Jan.  3L  Had  a  kind  of  calmness,  but  little  sweetness  in 
divine  things.  I  was  vexed  at  finding  I  was  not  so  forward 
in  religion  as  my  pride  suggested.  Oh  the  desperate  wick- 
edness of  this  heart !  and  yet  the  chief  part  lies  concealed 
from  my  view, 

Feb.  I.  Wasted  time  in  unnecessary  sleep.  After  this  I 
can  never  cheerfully  either  pray,  or  begin  my  daily  employ- 
ments. For  want  of  reading  the  Scriptures,  could  not  col- 
lect my  thoughts  in  my  walk. 

Fee.  2.  In  a  poor  and  lukewarm  state  this  morning.  Re- 
solved to  send  away  two  of  my  pupils,  as  I  found  my  time 
so  much  taken  up  by  them  of  late,  instead  of  being  devoted 
to  reading  the  Scriptures.  May  God  enable  me  to  give  this 
redeemed  time  to  him !  N stayed  with  me,  and  discov- 
ered to  me,  by  his  conversation,  my  infinite  inferiority  to 
him  in  divine  experience,  as  well  as  exemplified  in  himself  a  ^^ 
truly  humble  and  watchful  spirit.  Prayed  with  some  little  ^P 
fervor  to  be  like  him,  and  of  coiu'se  to  be  like  the  debased 
1* 


10  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

Redeemer,  whose  unparalleled  humiliation  in   Isaiah  liii.  I 
had  been  reading. 

Feb.  4.  Kad  some  remains  of  that  humbled  spirit,  the 
sweetness  of  which  is  satisfying.  But  at  breakfast  "  the  old 
man"  showed  itself  in  contemptuous  expressions  towards 
others.  Had  something  like  poverty  of  spirit  in  hall.  En- 
deavored to  think  of  Job  xiv.  ]4,  and  to  have  solemn 
thoughts  of  death,  but  could  not  find  them  before  my  pupil 
came,  to  whom  I  explained  justification  by  faith,  as  he  had 
ridiculed  Methodism,  But  talk  upon  what  I  Avill,  or  Avith 
whom  I  will,  conversation  leaves  me  ruffled  and  discomposed. 
From  what  does  this  arise  ?  From  a  want  of  the  sense  of 
God's  presence,  when  I  am  with  others, 

Feb.  6,  Read  the  Scriptures,  between  breakfast  and 
church,  in  a  very  wandering  and  unsettled  manner,  and  in 
my  walk  was  very  weak  in  desires  after  God.  As  I  found 
myself  about  the  middle  of  the  day  full  of  pride  and  formal- 
ity, I  sought  relief  in  prayer.  Sat  with  H,  and  D.  after  din- 
ner, till  three,  but  though  silent,  was  destitute  of  humility. 
Read  some  of  S,  Pearce's  Hfe,  and  was  much  interested  by 
his  account  of  the  workings  of  his  mind  on  the  subject  of  his 
mission.  Saw  reason  to  be  thankful,  that  I  had  no  such  tender 
ties  to  confine  me  at  home,  as  he  seemed  to  have 
I  almost  dread  to  set  apart  any  precise  time  for  extraordinary 
devotions,  lest  it  should  be  all  thrown  away  through  the 
weakness  of  my  mind,  which  so  soon  flags  in  spiritual  things. 
Oh  how  hard  it  is  to  live  by  faith — and  impossible  to  abound 
in  the  work  of  the  Lord  without  love  !  Yet  love,  which 
makes  a  heaven  below,  he  has  encouraged  us  to  expect,  0 
that  I  may  learn  now  my  utter  helplessness  without  thee, 
and  so  by  deep  humiliation  be  qualified  for  greater  useful- 
ness ! 

Feb.  7,  Had  some  disheartening  thoughts  at  the  prospect 
of  being  stripped  of   every  earthly   comfort.      What  true 


1803. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  11 

wisdom  is  resignation — yet  how  does  my  unbelief  revolt 
against  the  dictates  of  reason  !  I  feel  little  desire  of  preach- 
ing the  gospel,  and  have  some  difficulty  in  conceiving  the 
pleasure  and  anxiety  expressed  by  most  faithful  ministers 
about  their  people.  I  find  that  in  whatever  manner  the  most 
holy  ministers  speak  of  their  success,  I  am  very  apt  to  be 
disgusted  at  the  prominent  character  of  the  instrument ;  and 
I  record  this,  that  at  some  future  period  I  may  derive  ad- 
vantage from  it.  0  for  humihty  !  Love  cannot  exist  with- 
out gratitude — nor  gratitude  without  humility.  Much  re- 
freshed by  reading  the  91st  Psalm. 

I  find  that  in  my  most  serious  moments  I  am,  through 
mere  habit,  disposed  to  a  cynic  flippancy.  Not  quite  pleased 
with   that   respect  and  attention  shown  me  by  my  friends. 

In  the  afternoon  H came,  and  we  resumed  our  exercises 

of  reading  and  prayer.  I  was  by  no  means  particukr 
enough  with  respect  to  my  own  wants,  or  even  of  our  com- 
mon needs,  in  my  prayer — but  was  too  general  in  petition, 
as  through  want  of  use  I  had  not  the  command  of  my 
thoughts.  Some  men  coming  in  after  our  reading  was  over, 
I  rather  lost  this  httlc  degree  of  spirituality  by  unwatchful- 
ness.  But  upon  the  whole  I  have  been  comparatively  happy 
to-day,  and  find  my  mind  more  active  and  energetic,  than 
when  I  pass  the  whole  day  in  reading. 

Feb.  9.  Read  Greek  Testament,  From  not  seeing  any 
allusion  to  infernal  possessions  anywhere  but  in  the  Gospels, 
and  also  from  observing  that  "  their  own  children  would  cast 
them  out,"  terrifying  doubts  arose  about  the  truth  of  the 
whole ;  but  through  the  mercy  of  God  they  were  soon  dissi- 
pated. But  I  determined  to  investigate  the  subject  more 
thoroughly  ;  an  idle  curiosity  led  me  in  the  afternoon  to  the 
knowledge  of  something,  which  I  had  better  not  have 
known.  In  the  evening  several  men  by  calling  disturbed 
me — had,  however,  some  little  solemnitv   afterwards, — fin- 


12  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

islied  1st  book  of  Samuel,  and  read  Psalms  ii. — iv.  But, 
O  my  soul !  this  is  poor  work !  Condemned  myself  for 
not  exerting  myself  in  doing  good  to  man  by  visiting  the 
sick,  &c. 

Feb.  10.  Read  Matthew  xiii.  and  xiv.  and  by  frequent 
supplications  for  grace,  was  preserved  in  a  good  degree  from 
that  pride  and  worldliness,  w^hich  I  have  so  often  found  to 
attend  critical  study.  But  in  the  afternoon  this  solemn  tone 
of  mind  degenerated  into  formality  and  stupidity ;  and  in 
the  evening  at  tea  with  D.  my  unsteady  conversation  be- 
trayed me  into  most  excessive  levity.  Was  of  course  little 
prepared  for  public  w^orship.  Yet  during  the  latter  part  of 
it,  and  the  sermon,  I  felt  more  serious,  and  returned  home, 
ashamed  of  myself,  and  despising  that  vanity  of  spirit, 
which  so  separates  me  from  the  blessed  God.  Oh  that  I 
may  more  deeply  mourn  over  that  guilt,  which  I  contract 
daily  by  so  inconsistent  a  walk ! 

Feb.  11.  Some  difficulties  about  Ab-ebra,  which  I  thouo^ht 
it  my  duty  to  examine  for  the  sake  of  my  pupil,  occupied 
the  early  part  of  the  morning;  and  the  16th  chapter  of  St. 
Matthew  the  rest.  Spoke  to  T.  about  some  things  which  I 
thought  wrong  in  him ;  and  felt  great  pain  at  my  having 
done  it  without  love.  0  why  should  I  take  upon  myself  to 
be  a  reprover,  with  so  much  to  blame  even  in  my  outward 
conduct !  Resolved  not  to  repi'ove  any  more,  except  I  expe- 
rience at  the  time  a  peculiar  contrition  of  spirit,  in  all  cases 
where  I  can  conscientiously  be  silent.  Finding  my  throat 
sore ;  the  recollection  of  sitting  in  the  very  room  where  P. 
died  presented  me  with  the  view  of  death.  I  passed  the 
greater  part  of  the  evening  in  self-examination  and  pi-ayer ; 
and  reading  the  Psalms  and  Revelation  as  far  as  my  illness 
permitted  me.  Though  I  could  discover  no  allowed  sin,  yet 
my  soul  was  agitated  with  alternate  hopes  and  fears.  The 
promises  were  clear — as  free,  as  full  as  the  dying  sinner  could 


18*03. J  OF   THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  13 

wish ;  yet,  alas  !  I  sought  in  vain  for  that  sweetness  of  medi- 
tation on  death,  Avhich  I  ought  and  wished  to  feel.  Oh  !  for 
a  more  realizing  faith,  and  the  encouragements  of  hope  and 
love  !  Oh  that  I  could  love  indeed  !  I  think  I  can  say,  that 
I  have  no  other  desire  to  live,  but  to  live  to  his  glory  ;  but 
with  fear  and  trembling  should  I  say  it,  as  I  have  a  heart 
deceitful  above  all  things.  Do  thou,  my  Saviour,  support 
me  through  life  and  death ;  and  I  will  fear  no  evil. 

Feb.  15.  Found  great  freedom  in  prayer  this  morning,  yet 
when  H.  breakfasted  with  me,  had  no  power  to  set  my  heart 
or  tongue  in  tune  for  heaven.  But  for  grace,  this  self-depend- 
ence would  be  my  ruin. 

Feb.  16.  Was  employed  the  greater  part  of  the  morning 
in  sketching  out  a  sermon  on  1  Cor.  xvi.  22.  On  preparing 
to  go  out,  B.  called  upon  me,  and  our  conversation  lasted  till 
near  dinner-time.  He  thought  that  by  immoderate  seclusion 
I  deadened  those  fine  feelings  which  we  should  cultivate,  and 
neg-lected  the  active  duties  of  life ;  that  a  thorouofh  and  uni- 
versal  change  of  heart  and  life  was  not  necessary  to  make  us 
Christians,  of  whom  there  mio-ht  be  all  deo-rees,  as  of  everv- 
thing  else. 

Feb.  18.  As  my  walk  was  much  in  the  town,  I  suffered  a 
little  distraction  ;  but  still  thought  myself  strong.     "  He  that 

trusteth  his  own  heart  is  a  fool."     S.  and came  to  me, 

and  1  found  myself  sarcastic,  and  destitute  of  all  Christian 
conversation,  though  without  any  particular  sensation  of  pride 
and  bitterness  in  my  heart.  But  my  self-ignorance  is  truly 
deplorable.  How  utterly  forgetful  have  I  been  this  day  of 
the  need  of  Christ's  grace,  of  my  own  vileness  and  poverty ! 
Let  me  then  remember,  that  all  apparent  joy  in  God  without 
humihty,  is  a  mere  delusion  of  Satan. 

Feb.  19.  drank  tea  with  me  in  the  evening,  and  for 

fear  of  my  besetting  sins,  I  set  a  bridle  on  my  tongue.     , 


14  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

with  his  trifling  conversation,  prolonged  to  a  late  hour,  left 
me  dissatisfied. 

Feb.  20.  Had,  generally  speaking,  a  full  conviction  of  the 
supreme  excellence  of  religion ;  of  its  being  the  one  thing 
needful  to  my  happiness ;  of  the  reasonableness  of  an  entire 
devotedness  to  God ;  yet  through  levity  and  sloth,  failed  in 
deepening  that  acquaintance  with  the  things  of  God,  which 
has  of  late  been  very  superficial. 

March  5 — 13.  Much  harassed  with  evil  tempers,  levity, 
and  distraction  of  mind,  all  arising  from  want  of  sufficient 
reading  of  the  Scriptures.  Alas !  I  hardly  ever  meditate 
upon  them !  but  only  read  without  having  my  thoughts  in- 
tently fixed. 

March  14 — 2*7.  In  general,  dejected,  though  not  so  much 
from  a  sense  of  God's  displeasure,  as  from  the  sight  of  my 
own  sinfulness,  which  eminently  discovered  itself,  now  I  had 
so  little  power  over  my  besetting  sins,  by  discontent  and  want 
of  love  to  man.  A  violent  cold  and  cough  led  me  to  prepare 
myself  for  an  inquiry  into  my  views  of  death.  I  was  enabled 
to  rest  composed  on  the  Rock  of  Ages.  0  what  mercy 
shown  to  the  chief  of  sinners  ! 

April  2.  Dined  with  Mr.  Simeon,  and  met  Mr.  Atkinson 
of  Leeds,  with  whose  company  I  was  exceedingly  delighted. 
The  conversation  was  truly  such  as  became  the  children  of 
God.  The  good  old  Mr.  A.  took  occasion  to  address  him- 
self particularly  to  me,  as  I  was  in  the  outset,  not  to  be  dis- 
couraged, and  told  me  I  might  profit  by  the  experience  of 
others,  and  avoid  many  of  their  difficulties  by  depending 
entirely  on  Christ.  The  tender  pity  of  our  Lord  towards 
Jerusalem,  even  when  he  mentioned  so  many  causes  of  indig- 
nation, was  pressed  to  my  mind  strongly  as  an  example.  At 
tea,  when  Mr.  Simeon  talked  of  divine  love,  I  thought  I  knew 
there  was  such  a  thing  as  communion  of  saints.     I  left  them 


1803. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  15 

■with  great  desires  after  the  spirit  of  Christ,  and  after  the 
privileges  attending  communion  with  God. 

April  12.  For  the  last  week  I  have  had  great  want  of 
spirituality, — carelessness,  levity,  and  vanity  of  mind.  It  is 
a  mercy  that  God,  instead  of  giving  me  up  to  a  reprobate 
mind,  convinces  me  of  the  dreadful  corruption  of  my  heart. 
Last  night  I  could  not  but  tremble  at  the  review  of  the 
thoughts  which  had  successively  passed  through  my  mind 
in  the  course  of  the  day,  and  which  could  not  have  been 
there,  if  I  had  been  diligent  in  walking  with  God.  My  pres- 
ent ground  of  complaint  is  my  extreme  ignorance  of  God  and 
myself.  His  service,  if  any  self-denial  is  required,  is  often  a 
burden  to  me  ;  and  every  consideration  I  can  propose  to  my- 
self, every  prayer  for  a  willing  heart,  are  often  ineffectual  to 
make  me  love  to  do  his  will. 

April  22.  Was  ashamed  to  confess  to that  I  was  to 

be  Mr.  Simeon's  curate  ; — a  despicable  fear  of  man,  from 
which  I  vainly  thought  myself  free.  He,  however,  asked  me 
if  I  was  not  to  be,  and  so  I  was  obliged  to  tell  him.  Jer. 
i.  11. 

May  1.  At  church  felt  nothing  so  much  as  a  want  of  seri- 
ousness.    Walked  with till  dinner,  and  talked  for  talk- 

ing's  sake,  for  my  head  w^as  I  do  not  know  w^iere.     Then 

went  to  St.  Mary's,  then  walked  with ;  this  continued 

employment  with  others  on  the  Sabbath,  fretted  me  exceed- 
ingly ;  yet  when  in  solitude  afterwards,  I  could  neither  pray 
nor  read  with  earnestness  ;  but  labored  the  whole  day  under 
a  careless  indifference  about  all  things  equally. 

May  6.  Walked  to  Shelford.  Unsettled  in  mind,  and  un- 
humbled  in  spirit  most  of  the  day.  In  the  evening  Mr. 
Thomason  had  a  service  which  led  me  to  think,  as  I  was  re- 
turning home,  how  very  superficial  my  experience  had  been ; 
so  much  so,  that  I  should  be  at  a  loss  to  describe  the  real 
state  of  my  soul.     After  my  prayers,  my  mind  seems  touched 


16  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

■\vitli  humility  and  love,  but  the  impressions  decay  so 
soon. 

May  7.  breakfasted  with  me,  but  I  soon  forgot  the 

grounds  I  had  seen  for  humiliation  but  just  before.  Was 
harassed  with  contemptuous  thoughts  of  the  ministry,  but 
prayed  that  the  character  in  Timothy  might  be  mine.  In 
my  morning  walk  felt  miserable  through  the  pride  and  unbe- 
lief of  my  heart.  Yet  before  I  had  finished,  perceived  the 
reasonableness  of  meeting  with  people  to  converse  about  their 
spiritual  state,  from  the  similar  process  used  to  form  a  physi- 
cian, who  is  not  content  to  look  at  his  own  body  only,  but 
repairs  to  a  hospital,  and  marks  the  different  cases,  and  in- 
quires of  the  patients  themselves. 

May  9 — 14.  Some  days  in  this  week  my  faith  has  been 
strong.  I  have  rejoiced  to  go  forth,  and  to  brave  the  world. 
It  was  accompanied  with  more  simplicity  of  heart  than  I 
usually  feel.  On  Saturday  felt  great  fear  of  man,  and  yet 
was  determined  to  let  slip  no  proper  occasion  of  speaking 

out.    Was  quite  fatigued  with  being  so  long  with .     On 

expressing  my  dislike  of  such  company  to  W.,  he  suggested 
that  it  might  perhaps  arise  rather  from  feeling  than  princi- 
ple ;  and  this  witness  is  true,  for  though  I  could  perceive 
them  to  be  in  the  gall  of  bitterness,  1  felt  little  of  pity. 

May  31.  Had  some  disquieting  doubts,  why  I  should  not 
speak  to  every  one  I  knew  and  met  about  their  souls.  From 
repeated  experience  I  know  that  this  arises  from  an  unwill- 
ingness to  take  up  my  cross ;  for  at  those  rare  seasons,  when 
I  have  any  love  to  Christ,  no  difficulties  lie  then  in  the  way. 

June  5.  From  reading  some  of  Law's  Serious  Call,  per- 
ceived the  vanity  and  meanness  of  the  thoughts  of  the  carnal 
heart,  and  longed  to  live  far  beyond  the  world ;  and  in  the 
general  course  of  this  Sabbath  was  more  free  from  those  vain 
and  self-esteeming  thoughts,  which  keep  me  veiy  low  in  the 
divine  life. 


1803. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  17 

June  6.  Rose  at  half  after  five,  according  to  the  impulse 

I  received  from  reading  Law.     Breakfasted  with  F ,  and 

spoke  in  praise  of  humility,  but  Avas  not  humble.  Was 
grieved  that  I  had  not  been  faithful  to  God  at  dinner-time, 
when  the  conversation  seemed  to  call  upon  me  to  speak  out. 

June  12.  Rose  in  heaviness  through  sinful  thoughts  seiz- 
ing me  at  time  of  waking,  and  continued  so  during  the  day- 
through  manifold  temptations.  After  St.  Mary's  in  the  after- 
noon, walked  with  ,  and  was  exceedingly  irritated  and 

hurried  by  conversation  with  him  about  religion.  The  wrath 
of  man  worketh  not  the  righteousness  of  God.  I  felt  grieved 
in  my  own  mind,  and  troubled  from  the  opposition  of  men, 
and  T  said,  "  Oh  that  I  had  wings  like  a  dove !  for  then 
would  I  flee  away,  and  be  at  rest.  Lo,  then  would  I  wan- 
der afar  off,  and  remain  in  the  wilderness." 

June  13 — 24.  Passed  in  tolerable  comfort  upon  the  whole  ; 
though  I  could  on  no  day  say  my  walk  had  been  close  with 
God.  Read  Sir  G.  Staunton's  Embassy  to  China.  I  have 
still  the  spirit  of  worldly  men,  when  I  read  worldly  books. 
I  felt  more  curiosity  about  the  manners  of  this  people,  than 
love  and  pity  towards  their  souls.  Sargent  warns  mo  to  self- 
examination.  His  lively  devotion  in  the  midst  of  such  snares 
may  well  shame  me.  May  the  Lord  make  him  to  be  an  ex- 
ample to  us  all ! 

June  25.  I  experience  a  Tvant  of  variety  in  prayer,  and 
am  unable  to  pray  with  my  whole  heart  and  soul,  as  I  ob- 
served in  the  morning.  Lost  the  morning  in  endeavoring  to 
construct  some  paper  figures  on  dialing.  Attacked  with 
strong  temptations  in  my  walk,  but  through  grace  overcame 
them,  although  with  pain,  by  recalling  to  mind  the  promises 
in  the  three  first  chapters  of  Revelation,  "  to  him  that  over- 
cometh,"  &c.  Thought  besides,  has  God  commanded  me  to 
use  self-denial  merely  to  give  me  pain,  and  not  rather  to  per- 
fect my  happiness  ?     Was  seized  with  excessive  hilarity  in 


18  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

company  ■with  H in  the  afternoon,  wliich  rendered  me 

unfit  for  serious  conversation,  though  H seemed  inclined 

to  it.  This  is  frequently  the  case,  especially  after  severe 
5tudy  either  of  temporal  or  spiritual  kind.  It  seems  merely 
mimal,  for  I  would  gladly  exchange  it  for  sympathy,  so  that 
ny  heart  might  be  tender  and  pathetic  without  the  pain  of 
j-rief.  Walked  to  the  hawthorn  hedge,  and  on  my  way  felt 
ihe  force  of  Baxter's  observation,  in  his  directions  for  solem- 
nity in  the  work  of  meditation, — that  if  an  angel  had  ap- 
pointed to  meet  me,  how  full  of  awe  I  should  be, — how 
much  more  then  when  I  was  about  to  meet  God.  As  this 
was  my  first  set  attempt  for  a  long  time,  I  found  it  neces- 
sary to  know  the  state  of  my  own  heart,  in  which  I  could 
find  no  wilful  neglect,  but  most  lamentable  ignorance  and 
pride.  I  commended  myself  to  his  mercy,  and  prayed  for 
the  guidance  of  the  Spirit  of  Christ,  but  experienced  no  true 
joy.  I  devoted  myself  to  him  solemnly,  and  trust  that,  when 
tempted  to  sin,  I  shall  remember  this  walk. 

St.  John's,  June  30,  1803. 
Dear  Sargent  .***** 

*  *  *  *  I  feel  ashamed  that  you 
express  any  satisfaction  in  corresponding  Avith  me.  God 
only  knoAvs  how  poor  and  shallow  I  am  ;  and  if  any  good 
should  ever  arise  to  you  by  my  means,  it  must  be  ascribed 
to  his  wisdom,  who  can  use  the  meanest  instruments  to  effect 
his  purposes.  What  shall  I  say  to  him  for  giving  me  such 
a  friend  as  you  are  likely  to  prove!  One  who  fears  not 
to  give  offence  by  speaking  the  truth,  and  who  would  seek 
to  improve  the  Spirit,  rather  than  please  the  flesh.  * 

*  *  *  *  May  you,  as  long  as  you 
shall  give  me  your  acquaintance,  direct  me  to  the  casting 
down  of  all  high  imaginations !  Possibly  it  may  be  a  cross 
to  you  to  tell  me  or  any  one  of  his  faults.     But  should  I  be 


1803. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  19 

at  last  a  cast-away,  or  at  least  dishonor  Christ  through  some 
sin,  which  for  want  of  faithful  admonition  remains  unmorti- 
fied,  how  bitter  would  be  your  reflections !  I  conjure  you 
therefore,  my  dear  friend,  as  you  value  the  good  of  the  souls 
to  whom  I  am  to  preach,  and  my  own  eternal  interests,  that 
you  tell  me  what  you  think  to  be,  in  my  life,  spirit,  or  tem- 
per, not  according  to  the  Avill  of  God  my  Saviour.  You  pro- 
fess your  need  of  humiliation.  I  wish  my  own  experience 
could  assist  you  in  this  the  most  important  part  of  our  sanc- 
tification.  In  examining  myself  according  to  your  advice,  on 
this  head,  it  seems  (for  the  work  of  inquiry  is  so  exceedingly 
difficult,  that  I  can  hardly  say  with  certainty  what  I  have 
known,  or  whether  I  have  known  anything  on  this  subject) 
that  I  seek  humility  rather  from  views  of  God's  greatness 
and  the  example  of  Christ,  than  of  ray  own  coiTuption.  Now, 
though  the  former  views  may  assist  in  producing  the  effect, 
yet  the  impressions  arising  from  them  are  necessarily  tran- 
sient;  whereas  that  humihty  which  arises  from  just  views  of 
ourselves  may  be  as  abiding  as  our  own  consciousness,  and  be 
brought  into  exercise  by  everything  we  do,  or  speak,  or 
think.  It  has  greatly  distressed  me  to  think,  how  slow  my 
heart  is  to  yield  to  the  convictions  of  reason ;  how  unable  to 
mourn,  when  I  should  be  lying  low  in  the  dust.  On  reading 
the  words  of  our  Lord  to  the  lukewarm  Laodiceans,  the  form 
of  the  words  is  very  striking  and  comforting.  "  Because  thou 
knowest  not  that  thou  art  wretched,  &c.,  I  counsel  thee  to 
buy  of  me  eye-salve,  that  thou  mayest  see,"  so  that  there  is 
provision  made  for  those,  whom  of  all  others  God  holds  most 
in  abhorrence;  the  blind,  (to  their  sins,)  the  hard-hearted, 
and  the  proud.  Were  it  not  so,  what  would  become  of  me  ? 
Happily  for  us,  "  the  covenant  is  ordered  in  all  things,  and 
sure ;"  and  it  is  not  left  to  our  own  wisdom,  but  to  that  ado- 
rable agent,  the  Spirit  of  God,  to  perform  that  good  work 
which  he  hath  begun  in  us.     May  we  be  both  conformed  to 


20  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

• 

the  bright  image  of  the  dear  Redeemer,  especially  in  meek- 
ness and  lowliness  of  heart !  I  feel  for  you,  lest  by  a  fatal 
comparison  with  those  around  you,  you  should  be  induced 
to  lower  the  standard  of  Christian  morality  in  your  own  prac- 
tice. This  is  a  temptation,  to  Avhich  I  am  prone  even  here. 
But  let  us  remember,  that  God  judgeth  according  to  every 
man's  work,  and  not  relatively.  He  marks  his  secret  walk, 
and  his  view  of  him  is  precisely  the  same,  whatever  be  the 
change  of  the  opinions  of  the  man  of  himself,  or  of  others 
concerning  him.     Let  us  then  walk  in  the  Spirit —       *         * 

D.  has  heard  about  a  religious  young  man  of  seventeen, 
who  wants  to  come  to  College,  but  has  only  £20  a  year. 
He  is  very  clever,  and  from  the  perusal  of  some  poems 
which  he  has  published,  I  am  much  interested  about  him. 
His  name  is  H,  K.  White. 

*  *  *  We  remembered   our   friend 

Sargent  at  our  prayer  at  Mr.  Simeon's  room  on  Thursday 
evening.  Pray  that  I  may  have  true  piety  and  fitness  for 
my  work. 

Your's  ever, 

Henry  Martyn. 

July  10.  Great  ignorance  of  my  own  heart,  pride,  censo- 
riousness,  and  discontent  have  beset  me  for  some  time.  A 
letter  from  Sargent  recommending  diligent  self-examination, 
taught  me  how  little  I  had  been  used  to  look  within,  and  I 
was  somewhat  humbled  at  not  knowing  how  to  describe  my 
own  state,  I  was  much  dejected  at  finding  myself  so  low  in 
Christianity,  which  sufficiently  showed  the  truth  of  what  had 
been  said.  Resolved,  however,  this  week,  to  be  earnest  and 
searching  in  examining  myself,  and  to  be  lying  low  in  the 
dust  before  God.  I  ought  to  have  my  heart  impressed  with 
a  sense  of  my  weakness,  misery,  and  sin. 

July  17.  Rose  at  half-past  five,  and  walked  a  httle  before 


1803. J  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  21 

chapel  in  a  happy  frame  of  mind ;  but  the  sunshine  was 
presently  overcast  by  ray  carelessly  neglecting  to  speak  for 
the  good  of  two  men,  when  I  had  an  opportunity.  The 
pain  was  moreover  increased  by  the  prospect  of  the  incessant 
watchfulness  for  opportunities  I  should  use ;  nevertheless 
resolved  that  I  would  do  so  through  grace.  The  dreadful 
act  of  disobeying  God,  and  the  baseness  of  being  unwilhng 
to  incur  the  contempt  of  men,  for  the  sake  of  the  Lord 
Jesus,  who  had  done  so  much  for  me,  and  the  cruelty  of  not 
longing  to  save  souls,  were  the  considerations  that  pressed 
on  my  mind. 

July  18 — 30.  Gained  no  ground  in  all  this  time;  was 
much  distracted  and  unsettled  for  want  of  solitude.  Felt 
the  passion  of  envy  rankle  in  my  bosom  on  a  certain  occa- 
sion. Seldom  enjoyed  peace,  but  was  much  under  the 
power  of  corruption. 

July  30.  Was  so  relaxed  as  to  be  incapable  of  any  exer- 
tion of  body  or  mind.  It  then  appeared  to  me,  that  if  I 
could  not  read,  that  was  the  time  for  visiting,  but  I  sought  to 
find  some  excuse  for  not  going.  Oh,  the  dreadful  conse- 
quence of  not  obeying  conscience.  After  some  considera- 
tion, however,  I  determined  to  do  the  will  of  God  without 
shrinking  from  the  self-denial.  Wrote  to  recreate  myself, 
and  then  it  was  chapel-time.     Afterwards  meant  to  go  to 

visit ,  but  I  suftered  a  trifling  consideration  to  keep  me 

away.  At  night  a  terrible  thunder-storm  came  on.  Instead 
of  enjoying  the  solemn  scene  in  sweet  security,  my  heart 
was  conscious  of  not  having  walked  with  God,  and  gloomy 
fear  prevailed. 

Aug.  1.  Under  great  darkness  and  discontent,  which 
continued  through  great  part  of  the  day,  as  I  had  no 
opportunity  of  reading.  In  the  evening  found  some  degree 
of  peace  in  returning  to  the  Lord.  But  all  the  graces 
of  the  Spirit  are  very  low.     Imperfect  views  of  Christ.     No 


22  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

realizing  of  heaven  or  eternal  things,  no  happy  walk  with 
God. 

Aug.  26.  Time  taken  up  from  half-past  ten  till  two,  in 
drilling  the  fellows  and  pupils.  In  the  afternoon,  remembered 
in  prayer  the  reasons  I  had  yesterday  seen  for  activity  in  the 
work  of  the  ministry,  so  far  as  it  belonged  to  me.  But 
though  one's  reason  cannot  but  see  how  good  it  must  be  to 
be  employed  about  that  church,  which  He  hath  purchased 
with  his  own  blood ;  yet  how  perverse  is  the  will !  It  ap- 
peared to-day,  when  it  was  even  in  a  better  frame  than  com- 
monly, to  be  very  far  removed  from  that  pleasure  and  cheer- 
fulness, with  which  the  children  of  God  do  their  works  of 
love.  Xo,  instead  of  having  my  will  swallowed  up  in  God's, 
instead  of  hearkening  to  the  voice  of  his  word,  instead  of 
placing  the  happiness  and  joy  of  my  soul  in  a  constant  imi- 
tatincr  of  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  in  cro'mcr  about  doinor  crood ; 
it  is  my  will  rather  to  sit  down,  to  please  myself  with  read- 
ing, and  let  the  world  perish.  I  see  a  great  work  before  me 
now,  namely,  the  subduing  and  mortifying  of  my  perverted 
will.  What  am  I,  that  I  should  dare  to  do  my  own  will, 
even  if  I  were  not  a  sinner  ?  but  now  how  plain,  how  reason- 
able to  have  the  love  of  Christ  constraining  me  to  be  his 
faithful,  willing  servant,  cheerfully  taking  up  the  cross  that 
he  shall  appoint  me  ! 

Aucr.  30.  Was  greatly  distressed  at  not  having  spoken  to 
an  old  man  with  whom  I  mif^ht  have  conversed,  and  aorain 
for  not  joining  some  gownsmen,  to  whom  I  might  have  done 
good,  and  for  having  attempted  to  begin  a  religious  conver- 
sation with in  a  most  unreasonable  and  uncharitable 

manner.  My  conscience  was  painfully  wounded,  as  if  by 
unfaithfulness  to  God,  and  my  spirits  depressed  at  the  pros- 
pect of  being  much  with  men,  and  having  to  speak  to  them 
in  spite  of  their  contempt  and  hatred.  Nevertheless,  re- 
solved to  do  the  will  of  God,  whatever  it  might  be. 


1803. j      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  23 

Sept.  4.  (Sunday.)  Heard in  the  evening  with  great 

satisfaction.  Returned  home  wearied  with  rehgious  lan- 
guage, and  found  that  not  even  prayer  was  profitable,  with- 
out having  my  mind  stocked  with  ideas,  and  impressed  with 

awful  thoughts  of  God.     Heard  on  "  Simon,  son  of 

Jonas,  lovest  thou  me  ?"  The  having  the  Saviour  upper- 
most in  my  thoughts,  and  speaking  of  him  with  delight  and 
love,  would  be  a  severe  criterion  to  me.  Oh,  what  a  hard 
ungrateful  heart  must  I  have,  to  requite  the  tender  love  of 
Christ  in  the  way  I  do  ! 

Sept.  1.  Under  great  anxiety  all  the  morning,  in  the  pros- 
pect of  the  service  I  had  promised  to  do  in  the  evening. 
After  praying  at  noon,  found  myself  somewhat  more  dis- 
posed to  labor  for  the  good  of  the  souls  of  others  ;  though 
the  clouds  of  sin,  which  hide  from  my  view  the  excellences  of 
active  godliness,  gathered  again,  and  the  pain  and  trouble  of 
a  perverse  and  slothful  heart.  I  want  greater  deadness  to 
the  world  ;  for  I  believe  that  my  aversion  to  officiate  in  pub- 
lic, and  at  social  meetings,  arises  more  from  a  concern  about 
the  opinion  of  men,  than  from  the  actual  trouble  of  it.  A 
want  of  self-recollection  on  those  occasions,  which  has  led 
me  to  speak  in  prayer  without  thinking,  makes  me  also 
shrink  from  it. 

Sept.  9.  Walked  to  L alone.     My  mind  was  cheerful 

and  composed  on  the  road  at  first,  but  found  an  emptiness  of 
thought  afterwards,  for  want  of  reading.  Endeavored  to 
fix  my  thoughts  on  the  subject  of  the  use  of  imagination  in 
religion.  Was  rather  dispirited  through  fear  of  growing 
cold,  as  I  advanced  in  life,  through  the  decay  of  this  inven- 
tive faculty.  But  I  could  not  so  much  as  define  inwigina- 
tion.  I  fear  my  mind  is  in  a  very  uncultivated  state,  as  it 
respects  composition  and  exertion  of  thought ;  but  I  have 
not  yet  seen  it  my  duty  to  alter  the  nature  of  my  present 


24'^  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

studies,     I  chiefly  want  more  deadness  to  the  world,  and 
indifference  to  the  opinions  of  men. 

Sept.  10.  "Was  most  deeply  affected  with  reading  the  ac- 
count of  the  apostacy  of  Lewis  and  Broomhall,  in  the 
transactions  of  the  Missionary  Society.  When  I  first  came 
to  the  account  of  the  awful  death  of  the  former,  I  cannot 
describe  the  sense  I  had  of  the  reality  of  religion, — that 
there  is  a  God  who  testifies  his  hatred  of  sin  ;  ''my  flesh 
trembled  for  fear  of  his  judgments."  Afterwards  coming  to 
the  account  of  Broomhall's  sudden  turn  to  Deism,  I  could 
not  help  even  bursting  into  tears  of  anxiety  and  terror  at  my 
own  extreme  dang-er ;  because  I  have  often  thought,  that  if 
I  ever  should  make  shipwreck,  it  would  be  on  the  rocks  of 
sensuality  or  infidelity.  The  hollowness  of  Broomhall's  ar- 
guments, was  so  apparent,  that  I  could  only  attribute  his  fall 
to  the  neglect  of  inquiring  after  the  rational  foundation  of 
his  faith. 

In  making  this  journal,  I  pretend  not  to  record  all  that  I 
remember ;  and  that,  not  on  account  of  its  minuteness — for 
nothing  is  strictly  so — but  because  in  some  cases  it  would  be 
improper  to  commit  it  to  paper.  I  desire  to  collect  the 
habit  of  my  mind,  to  discover  my  besetting  sins,  the  occa- 
sion of  calling  them  forth,  and  the  considerations  by  which  I 
have  at  any  time  been  stirred  up  to  duty.  May  God  in  his 
mercy  save  me  from  the  delusions  of  my  deceitful  heart,  and 
pardon  the  indifference  with  which  I  speak  and  think  of  sin, 
and  of  this  record,  which  may  be  of  everlasting  importance 
to  my  soul ! 

Sept.  12.  I  read  some  of  the  Missionary  accounts.  The  ac- 
count, of  their  sufferincfs  and  dilisfence  could  not  but  tend  to 
lower  my  notions  of  myself.  I  was  almost  ashamed  at  my  hav- 
ing such  comforts  about  me,  and  at  my  own  unprofitableness. 

Sept.  13.  My  want  of  Christian  experience  filled  me  with 


1803. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  25 

many  disquieting  doubts.  "  I  am  not  only  not  so  holy  as  I 
ought,  but  I  do  not  strive  to  have  my  soul  wrought  up  to 
the  highest  pitch  of  devotion  every  moment.  But  now  if 
my  salvation  rested  upon  the  covenant  of  works,  I  should 
thus  strive.  It  follows,  therefore,  that  I  am  making  grace 
an  occasion  of  sin."  To  another  person  making  this  objec- 
tion, I  should  answer,  that  those  who  have  fled  to  Jesus  in 
the  sense  of  their  own  sinfulness  and  helplessness,  are  dehv- 
ered  from  the  law  as  a  covenant  of  works,  and  receive  it  only 
as  a  rule  of  life.  But  how  shall  we  know  when  we  make  it 
a  rule  of  life  ? 

Sept.  14.  By  a  watchful  endeavor  to  preserve  proper 
thoughts  of  my  own  meanness,  and  of  the  love  of  Christ, 
during  my  reading,-  my  mind  was  more  spiritual,  and  more 
able  to  commune  with  God.  When  afterwards  in  company 
with  C.  was  continually  falling  into  levities,  which  my  con- 
science condemned. 

Sept.  15.  My  spirit  seemed  to  be  still  given  to  prayer, 
and  I  found  the  benefit  of  it,  when  I  walked  at  twelve  with 

,  and  I  was  more  composed  than  I  usually  am  before  a 

man  to  whom  I  am  obliged  to  speak  unwillingly  about 
religion. 

Sept.  17.  Assailed  by  proud,  unbeheving,  discontented 
thoughts  again  to-day,  but  was  not  long  under  the  power  of 
tliem.  Read  Dr.  Yanderkemp's  mission  to  Caftraria.  What 
a  man  !  In  heaven  I  shall  think  myself  well  off,  if  I  obtain 
but  the  lowest  seat  among  such,  though  now  I  am  fond  of 
giving  myself  a  high  one. 

Sept.  IS.  Prayed  with  some  fervor  for  assistance  in  mor- 
tification, as  I  find  myself  little  disposed  to  keep  my  body 
under.  But  afterwards  gave  way  to  many  despicable  vani- 
ties about  ray  appearance,  which  soon  spread  darkness  over 
my  heart.  At  Mr.  Simeon's,  when  he  delivered  his  text 
from  John  xvii.  9,  10,  I  felt  ashamed  and  provoked  at  my 


26         Journal  and  letters       [1803. 

folly,  now  that  I  was  about  to  lose  the  enjo3^ment  I  should 
otherwise  have  had  from  this  subject,  from  tlie  pain  my  sins 
had  caused.  After  dinner  read  Hebrews  xii.  and  xiii.  and 
was  in  a  composed  frame  throughout  the  remainder  of  the 
day.  Many  vanities  sprung  up  imperceptibly  at  chapel,  and 
again  I  omitted  an  opportunity  of  speaking  for  the  good  of 
others.  My  sins  are  more  in  number  than  the  hairs  of  my 
head ;  well  might  I  doubt  the  possibihty  of  being  sanctified 
and  saved,  were  not  that  to  make  things  worse.  Mr.  Simeon 
preached  in  the  evening  a  most  convincing  sermon  on  Mark 
ii.  IV.  I  could  not  but  feel  my  need  of  a  physician,  such  as 
Jesus ;  and  also  the  folly  of  unbelief ;  nevertheless  my  sins 
pressed  heavily  on  my  heart. 

Sept.  19.  Breakfasted  with  C ,  and  was  much  too 

conformed  to  my  old  behavior  of  levity  and  arrogance.  

drank  tea  with  me  in  the  evening  ;  my  hope  of  him  has  be- 
come more  sanguine.     May  his  will  be  thoroughly  subdued 

to  the   obedience   of  faith  !     With to-day,  but  seemed 

fearful  of  pressing  home  the  humbling  truths  of  the  gospel, 
though  he  receives  all  I  say  with  candor. 

Sept.  22.  Two  men  from  Clare  Hall  breakfasted  with  me. 
A  fear  of  man,  which  prevented  me  from  saying  grace  before 
breakfast,  brought  me  into  inexpressible  confusion  of  con- 
science. Recovered  a  little  by  saying  it  after.  How  foolish 
am  I,  and  ignorant,  and  cowardly,  to  be  afraid  to  worship 
the  Lord  of  Hosts  before  his  rebellious  creatures  I  Walked 
with  B.  and  discovered  great  selfishness  and  want  of  charity. 
Fear  of  man  again  at  table  to-day,  not  by  my  silence,  for 
that  was  unavoidable,  but  by  look  and  manner.  My  heart 
condemned  me,  but  not  at  the  time.  But  the  Lord  is  great- 
er than  our  hearts,  he  knoweth  all  thine^s.  He  broudit  it  to 
my  mind  afterwards,  so  that  I  could  not  but  appear  to  my- 
self exceedingly  vile  and  contemptible. 

Sept.  23.  I  was  under  disquiet  at  the  prospect  of  my  fu- 


1803. J  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  27 

ture  work  abroad,  encompassed  with  difficulties  ;  but  I  trust- 
ed that  I  was  under  the  guidance  of  infinite  wisdom,  and  on 
that  I  could  rest.  I  was  led  to  a  calm  and  melancholy  re- 
flection on  the  vanity  of  the  world,  the  mighty  power  of 
God,  the  mystery  of  our  existence,  and  in  prayer  afterwards 
I  drew  nigh  to  God. 

Sept.  24.'  In  a  gloomy  temper,  from  being  vainly  concern- 
ed about  the  appearance  of  the  body.  It  is  enough  to  as- 
tonish and  distress  me,  that  in  spite  of  my  convictions  of  the 
perfect  nothingness  of  this  world,  of  the  opinion  of  men,  and 
above  all,  of  the  insignificancy  of  bodily  appearance,  I  should 
still  feel  any  concern  about  the  appearance  of  my  person. 
This  is  Mr.  Simeon's  birth-day.  He  said  he  could  thank 
God  for  his  creation,  though  so  little  had  been  done  by  him 
these  forty-four  years.  May  I  have  done  as  much  in  the 
same  time. 

Sept.    25.  Had  a   sweet  meditation  in   the   garden,  but 

much  vanity  of  mind  in  the  course  of  the  day. drank 

tea  with  me,  but  the  world  seemed  uppermost  in  his 
thoughts.  I  ought  to  be  more  close  in  my  dealing  with  the 
consciences  of  those  to  whom  I  can  speak  on  religion. 

Sept.  27.  Designed  to  visit  Mrs.  S.  but  through  delay  and 
fear  of  my  frame  being  unsuitable,  I  did  not  go,  and  so 
brought  pain  to  my  conscience,  which  was  a  proof  that  it 
was  not  in  my  heart  to  go ;  for  if  it  were  pleasant  to  go,  I 
should  not  be  easily  satisfied  with  the  excuses  for  not  going. 

Sept.  28.  It  appeared  this  morning,  as  if  I  had  been  long 
absent  from  God.  It  is  of  his  mercy  that  he  restoreth  my 
soul,  and  leadeth  me  in  the  paths  of  righteousness  for  his 
name's  sake.  Read  Zechariah  with  Lowth.  As  I  had  fixed 
on  two  places  to  visit  this  evening,  the  prospect  of  it  made 
me  unhappy  this  morning.  But  in  my  walk  out,  I  felt 
ashamed  at  having  demurred  at  such  a  blessed  work,  as 
comforting  the  aflaicted  and  instructing  the  ignorant,  espe- 


28  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

cially  when  hundreds  of  God's  people,  especially  his  minis- 
ters, are  doing  it  with  infinite  pains  and  satisfaction  in  all 
parts  of  the  globe.  I  perceived  that  the  reason  of  my  un- 
willingness to  pray  with  others,  arose  not  from  anything 
else  than  a  vain  desire  of  the  esteem  of  men.  For  were  I 
dead  to  the  world  and  the  opinions  of  it,  I  should  speak  in 
prayer  with  composure,  and  have  the  testimony  of  a  good 
conscience.  Whereas  the  remembrance  of  the  pain  succeed- 
ing hypocritical  prayers,  diffuses  the  bitterness  of  gall  over 
the  day,  before  the  duty  is  done.  Alas  !  I  have  much  un- 
mortified  pride  to  subdue  yet.  When  shall  I  live  with  my 
thoughts  wrapped  up  in  God  and  heaven,  and  crucified  to 
the  world  ?  I  think  sometimes,  that  if  I  could  find  the 
work  of  God  in  this  particular,  (praying  with  the  sick  or 
others,)  a  delight,  nothing  would  prevent  my  enjoying  the 
full  earnest  of  heaven.  But  this  I  shall  hereafter  find  to  be 
vain.  What  but  the  humbling  influence  of  the  Spirit,  show- 
ing me  my  vileness  and  desperate  wickedness,  can  ever  pro- 
duce such  an  habitual  temper  ?  I  thought  at  dinner,  with 
what  awful  and  deep  submission  should  I  work  the  work  of 
God,  were  I  to  see  some  marvellous  manifestation  of  his 
glory  in  providence,  or  if  my  own  death  were  fixed  for  to- 
day !  0  Lord,  let  me  glorify  thee  in  the  faithful  view  of  thy 
worthiness,  of  thy  design  in  commanding  the  cross,  and  with 
gratitude  for  being  spared  *  *  %  %  i 

found  it  in  my  heart  to  pour  forth  my  soul  to  God.  I  was 
constrained  to  praise  God  for  his  mercy.  Admire,  my  soul ! 
the  displayed  perfections,  the  transacted  works,  the  fulfilled 
promises  of  the  Most  High.  Let  me  believe  his  mighty 
works,  and  sing  his  praise. 

Sept.  29.  A  nervous  headache  prevented  my  reading:  so 
I  passed  the  morning  in  the  open  air,  striving  to  fix  my 
thourrhts  on  John  iv.  10,  on  which  I  wished  to  write  a  ser- 
mon.     I  could  not  make  out  much,  though  the  thought  of 


1803. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  29 

the  living  water  brought  me  into  a  calm  and  peaceful  frame. 
But  before  I  got  home,  many  an  evil  thought  possessed  my 
mind. 

Mr.  Simeon's  sermon  in  the  evening,  on  2  Chron.  xxxii. 
31,  discovered  to  me  my  corruption  and  vileness,  more  than 
any  sermon  I  have  ever  heard.  If  David,  who  had  so  close- 
ly walked  with  God,  fell  into  the  most  foul  and  filthy  abom- 
inations, what  must  my  danger  be  who  walk  so  unstably ! 
Lord,  save  thy  servant  from  presumptuous  sins,  that  they 
have  not  dominion  over  me.  Hezekiah's  sin  was  vanity. 
Instead  of  directing  the  ambassadors  who  came  to  inquire 
about  the  phenomenon,  to  the  knowledge  of  Jehovah,  who 
had  set  the  sun  in  the  firmament,  he  thought  only  of  grati- 
fying his  pride,  by  showing  them  his  treasures,  &c.  How 
many  times  have  I  fallen  into  tliis  sin  ?  And  had  God  left 
me  every  time,  to  show  me  what  was  in  my  heart?  And 
did  I  fall  into  it  ao'ain  and  ao^ain,  without  learnino-  it !  Oh, 
the  riches  of  his  patience  and  long-  suffering  ! 


% 


30  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 


CHAPTER    II. 

St.  John's,  September  29,  1803. 
How  long  it  seems  since  I  heard  from  you,  my  dear  Sar- 
gent !         *  *  *         I  shall  be  anxious  to  know  how 
you  have  been  passing  your  summer ;  not,  I  hope,  as  I  have, 
amidst  the  din  of  arms.     I  give  our  drilling  this  lofty  title, 
because  a  httle  is  sufficient  to  disturb  me.     Too  many  resi- 
dent friends  in  the  university  have  contributed  not  a  little  to 
the  frittering  away  of  my  time.     I  mean,  however,  to  leave 
the  university  corps  forthwith,  as  the  day  of  ordination  (Oct. 
23,)  is  drawing  near.     I  am  rather  disappointed  at  having 
lost  such  a  season  of  retirement.     Our  Lord  led  a  very  re- 
tired life ;  his  ministers,  therefore,  it  should  seem,  ought  to 
do  so  too.     Yet  I  sometimes  think  that  it  is  from  too  much 
indulging    solitude,   that  I  am  so  easily  distracted  in  com- 
pany.    But  how  great  must  be  your  trials  from  so  much 
worldly  business  and  worldly  pleasure !     How  ought  we, 
who  are  entrusted  with  the  ministration  of  the  Spirit,  whose 
very  breath  ought  to  be  prayer,  to  beseech  God  to  preserve 
you  and  his  other  saints  engaged  in  the  business  of  time ! 
May  he  keep  you  unspotted  from  the  world,  and  so  dwell  in 
you  by  his  Spirit,  that  while  your  thoughts  are  necessarily 
engaged  with  earthly  things,  your  heart  may  be  in  heaven ! 
Unhappily  our  treacherous  hearts,  if  interested  but  lawfully 
in  other  things,  are  thereby  less  apt  to  take  pleasure  in  re- 
ligious meditation.     My  studies  during  the  last  three  months 
have  been  Hebrew,  Greek  Testament,  Jonathan  Edwards  on 
Original  Sin,  and  on  the  Affections,  and  Bishop  Hopkins, — 


1803. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  31 

your  favorite  and  mine.  Never  did  I  read  such  energetic 
language,  such  powerful  appeals  to  the  conscience.  Some- 
how or  other  he  is  able  to  excite  most  constant  interest, 
say  what  he  will.  I  have  been  lately  reading  the  first  vol- 
ume of  the  Reports  of  the  Missionary  Society,  who  sent  out 
so  many  to  Otaheite  and  the  southern  parts  of  Africa.  You 
would  find  the  account  of  Dr.  Yanderkemp's  Mission  into 
CafFraria  infinitely  entertaining.  It  appeared  so  much  so  to 
me,  that  I  could  read  nothing  else  while  it  lasted.  Respect- 
ing my  own  concerns  in  this  way,  no  material  change  has 
taken  place,  either  externally  or  internally,  except  that  my 
sister  thinks  me  unquahfied,  through  want  of  religious  expe- 
rience, and  that  I  find  greater  pleasure  at  the  prospect  of  it. 
I  am  conscious,  however,  of  viewing  things  too  much  on  the 
bright  side,  and  think  more  readily  of  the  happiness  of  seeing 
the  desert  rejoice  and  blossom  as  the  rose,  than  of  pain,  and 
fatigue,  and  crosses,  and  disappointments.  However  it  shall 
be  determined  for  me,  it  is  my  duty  to  crush  the  risings  of 
self-will,  so  as  to  be  cheerfully  prepared  to  go  or  stay. 
Your's  ever, 

H.  Martyn". 

Oct.  1.  Endeavored  to  write  on  John  iv.  10,  but  felt  a 
degree  of  fretfulness  at  being  able  to  produce  nothing.  G. 
stayed  with  me  an  hour,  during  w^hich  time  my  temper  and 
conversation  were  very  different  from  that  of  my  Lord  and 
Saviour.  Strove  in  my  walk  to  rise  from  under  the  burden 
of  corruption  that  oppressed  me,  by  looking  to  Jesus.  When 
I  was  beginning  to  shrink  from  the  duties  I  had  designed  for 
the  evening,  a  sight  of  my  own  real  state,  as  saved  only  by 
grace,  and  so  not  my  own,  was  sufficient  to  quicken  me.  But 
how  dark  and  stupid  is  my  soul  in  spiritual  things !  Oh  let 
thy  continual  pity  attend  me  still,  0  Lord !  Read  in  Law's 
Serious  Call,  the  chapter  on  Resignation,  and  prayed  for  it 


32  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

according  to  his  direction.  I  rather  think  a  regular  distribu- 
tion of  the  day  for  prayer,  to  obtain  the  three  great  graces 
of  humihty,  love,  and  resignation,  would  be  far  the  best  way 
to  grow  in  them. 

H.  drank  tea  with  me  afterwards.  As  there  was  in  the 
Christian  Observer  something  of  my  own,  the  first  that  ever 
appeared  in  print,  I  felt  myself  going  off  to  vanity  and  levit}^, 
but  was  enabled  to  check  it  a  little.  Nevertheless  the  world 
and  the  opinions  of  the  world  clouded  my  views  of  God 
durino-  the  remainder  of  the  evenino-. 

Oct.  6.  Read  Leslie's  Short  Method,  and  was  exceedingly 
HTitated  at  not  being  able  to  imderstand  it  as  soon  or  as 
clearly  as  I  expected.  Finished  the  Greek  Testament.  This 
time  of  reading  it  over  has  been  attended  with  great  satisfac- 
tion. I  was  very  impatient  with  my  pupil  this  afternoon. 
This  unhurabled  spirit  ought  to  be  a  matter  of  very  serious 
attention  to  me.  Independentl}^  of  other  considerations,  how 
unfit  is  such  a  temper  for  the  work  of  evangelizing  the  hea- 
then !  Well  is  it  for  my  soul,  that  the  Lord  is  not  provoked 
with  my  ignorance  and  perverseness  in  divine  things. 

Oct.  V.  Read  Malachi,  and  was  exceedingly  refreshed  by 
chap,  iii,  to  v.  IG,  and  felt  greatly  encouraged  to  every  duty, 
particularly  that  of  speaking  to  and  exhorting  others,  which 
has  of  late  appeared  to  be  one  of  unlimited  extent  and  insu- 
perable difficulty. 

Was  in  some  pain  at  not  having  joined in  the 

walks,  and  speaking  to  them.  Did  I  but  love  and  seek  their 
soul's  welfare,  I  should  not  think  it  sufficient  to  speak  and 
offend  them  at  once,  and  consider  the  duty  to  God  as  done  ; 
but  I  should  watch  for  proper  opportunities,  when  I  might 
hope  it  would  be  effectual.  But  I  want  a  willingness  to 
labor  incessantly  for  the  good  of  souls  with  all  self-denial. 

came  at  seven  and  stayed  till  nine :  we  soon  got  into 

dispute,  which  continued  without  intermission  the  whole  time. 


1803. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  33 

He  is  as  f;ir  from  the  truth  as  ever,  very  obstinate,  but  at  the 
same  time  never  offended  with  sarcasm  or  ridicule.  The  din 
of  controversy  little  agrees  with  heavenly-mindedness.  Though 
I  entered  on  it  from  a  sense  of  duty,  yet  I  took  not  heed  to 
my  spirit,  and  lost  all  sight  of  tenderness  and  pity. 

Oct.  9.  I  prayed  to  be  sent  out  to  China,  and  rejoiced  in 
the  prospect  of  the  glorious  day  when  Christ  shall  be  glori- 
fied on  earth.  At  chapel  the  music  of  the  chant  and  anthem 
seemed  to  be  in  my  ears  as  the  sounds  of  heaven,  particularly 
the  anthem,  1  Chron.  xxix.  10.  But  these  joys,  alas!  par- 
take much  of  the  flesh  in  their  transitory  nature.  At  chapel 
I  wished  to  return  to  my  rooms,  to  read  the  song  of  Moses 
the  servant  of  God,  &c.,  in  the  ReA^elation  ;  but  when  I  came 
to  it,  found  little  pleasure.  The  sound  of  the  music  had 
ceased,  and  with  it  my  joy ;  and  nothing  remained  but  evil 
temper,  darkness,  and  unbelief.  All  this  time  I  had  forgot- 
ten what  it  is  to  be  a  poor  humble  soul.  I  had  floated  off 
the  Rock  of  Ages  into  the  deep,  where  I  was  beginning  to 
sink,  had  not  the  Saviour  stretched  out  his  hand,  and  said  to 
me,  It  is  I !  Let  me  never  be  cheated  out  of  my  dependence 
on  him,  nor  ever  forget  my  need  of  him. 

Oct.  12.  Reading  Paley's  Evidences.  Had  my  pride  deeply 
wounded  to-day,  and  perceived  that  I  was  far  from  humility. 
Great  bitterness  and  dislike  arose  in  my  mind  against  the 
man  who  had  been  the  unconscious  cause  of  it.  Oh,  may  I 
learn  daily  my  hidden  evils,  and  loathe  myself  for  my  secret 
abominations  !  Prayed  for  the  man,  and  found  my  affections 
return. 

Oct.  13.  Reading  Evidences.  Interrupted  by  the  calls  of 
some  friends.  In  great  unhappiness  on  account  of  the  neces- 
sity of  speaking  to  men  for  their  good,  and  of  some  other 
things.  %         %         *         'Xhis  is  a  certain  symptom  of  a 

sickly  mind.  All  these  things  I  should  have  taken  as  recrea- 
tions at  one  time.  But  says  St.  Paul,  "  do  thou  endure  hard- 
2* 


34  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

ness,  as  a  good  soldier  of  Jesus  Christ."  Let  me  not  thus  in 
the  way  of  duty  suffer  trifles  to  daunt  or  disquiet  my  mind. 
Never  be  fearful  or  unbelieving,  but  keep  body  and  mind 
under,  through  the  grace  of  God. 

Oct.  14.  How  vain  is  it  to  strive  unassisted  against  cor- 
ruption !  How  empty  and  ungodly  that  sourness  and  bitter- 
ness I  feel  at  seeing  the  evil  of  my  heart !  Alas  !  repentance 
shuts  the  mouth,  and  victory  over  sin  is  obtained  in  silence. 
"  Be  still,  and  know  that  I  am  God."  "  In  returning  and 
rest  shall  ye  be  saved — in  quietness  and  confidence  shall  be 
your  strength." 

Oct.  15.  Was  in  a  great  bustle  the  whole  day,  yet  in  the 
general  frame  of  my  mind  rejoicing.  In  my  morning  walk 
my  heart  expanded  with  joy,  yet  it  was  soon  obscured  by 
pride. 

Oct.  16.  At  church  at  first  was  in  a  most  fretful  state  of 
discontent  at  the  sight  of  my  own  vanities,  and  of  my  concern 
about  the  body.  A  few  transient  glimpses  of  the  happiness 
of  having  the  heart  in  heaven  made  me  strive  earnestly 
against  my  corruptions,  and  God  gave  me  greater  peace 
during  the  remainder  of  the  service.  The  certainty  of  future 
glory  appeared  very  strong  to  me  in  chapel,  and  filled  my 
heart  with  many  sweet  aflfections. 

Oct.  18.  As  I  had  broken  in  upon  the  time  of  reading  the 
Scriptures  and  prayer  at  noon,  I  was  more  than  ordinarily 
careful  to  maintain  a  mind  unaffected  with  human  studies  and 
earthly  things  during  my  morning  walk ;  and  the  words  "  I 
will  come  in  to  him,  and  sup  with  him,  and  he  with  me," 
furnished  me  with  many  delightful  views  of  the  grace  and 
condescension  of  my  Lord. 

Oct.  19.  Rose  with  my  heart  somewhat  tender  and  hum- 
ble, and  suitable  to  this  day,  which  was  set  apart  for  a  pub- 
lic fast.  I  should  have  found  this  day  far  more  effectuallj-- 
answering  its  end,  if  I  had  been  less  interrupted,  (which  I 


1803. J  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  35 

mifht  indeed  have  managed  by  precaution)  as  my  mind  was 
disposed  to  dwell  on  heavenly  things  in  a  serious  and  solemn 
frame.  I  wished  to  have  made  my  approaching  ordination 
to  the  ministry  a  more  leading  object  of  my  prayers.  For 
two  or  three  days  I  have  been  reading  some  of  St.  Augus- 
tine's Meditations,  and  was  delighted  with  the  hope  of  enjoy- 
ing such  communion  with  God  as  this  holy  man.  Blessed 
be  God !  nothing  prevents,  no  earthly  business,  no  earthly 
love  can  rightfully  intrude  to  claim  my  thoughts,  for  I  have 
professedly  resigned  them  all.  My  mind  still  continues  in  a 
joyous  and  happy  state,  though  at  intervals,  through  want 
of  humility,  my  confidence  seems  vain. 

Oct.  20.  At  noon  I  read  the  fortieth  chapter  of  Isaiah. 
Amidst  the  bustle  of  common  life,  how  frequently  has  my 
heart  been  refreshed  by  the  descriptions  of  the  future  glory 
of  the  church,  and  the  happiness  of  man  hereafter  ! 

Pride  shows  itself  every  hour  of  every  day  !  0  Lord,  now 
that  so  few  things  happen  to  me  to  humble  my  soul,  let  thy 
Spirit  secretly  teach  me  what  I  am. 

Oct.  21.  In  walking  I  sought  to  ascend  to  God  witliout  a 
contrite  spirit,  and  so  I  felt  great  dissatisfaction  and  fearful- 
ness. 

Oct.  22.  Went  in  a  gig  to  Ely^  with  B.  Having  had  no 
time  for  morning  prayer,  my  conversation  was  poor.  At 
chapel,  I  felt  great  shame  at  having  come  so  confidently  to 
offer  myself  for  the  ministry  of  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  with 
so  much  ignorance  and  unholiness ;  and  I  thought  it  would 

be  but  just,  if  I  were  sent  off  with  ignominy.     Dr.  M , 

the  examining  chaplain,  set  me  to  construe  the  11th  chapter 
of  Matthew  :  Grotius :  To  turn  the  first  article  into  Latin  :  To 
prove  the  being  of  a  God,  his  infinite  power  and  goodness  :  To 
give  the  evidence  of  Christianity  to  Jews  and  heathens  :  To 

*  Mr  Martyn  went  to  Ely  to  receive  ordination. 


36  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

sliow  the  importance  of  tlie  miracle  of  the  resm-rection  of  Christ. 
He  asked  an  account  of  the  Pharisees,  Sadducees,  and  Scribes, 
the   places  of  the  worship  amongst  the  Jews,   &c.     After 
leaving  the  palace  I  was  in  very  low  spirits  ;  I  had  now 
nothing  to  think  of,  but  the  weight  and  difficulty  of  the  work 
which  lay  before  me,  which  never  appeared  so  great  at  a 
distance.     At  dinner  the  conversation  was  frivolous.     After 
tea  I  was  left  alone  with  one  of  the  deacons,  to  whom  I  talked 
seriously,  and  desired  him  to  read  the  ordination  service,  at 
which  he  was  much  affected.     Retired  to  my  room  early, 
and  besought  God  to  give  me  a  right  and  affecting  sense  of 
things.     I  seemed  to  pray  a  long  time  in  vain,  so  dark  and 
distracted  was  my  mind.     At  length   I  began  to  feel  the 
shameful  and  cruel  neglect  and  unconcern  for  the  honor  of 
God,  and  the  souls  of  my  brethren,  in  having  trifled  with  men 
whom  I  feared  were  about   to  *'  lie  to  the   Holy   Ghost." 
So  I  went  to  them  again,  resolving  to  lay  hold  on  any  oppor- 
tunity, but  found  none  to  do  anything  effectually.     Went  to 
bed  with  a  painful  sense  of  my  hardness  of  heart  and  unsuit- 
able preparations  for  the  ministry. 

Oct.  23.  Rose  early,  and  prayed,  not  without  distraction. 
I  then  walked,  but  could  not  acquire  a  right  and  happy  sense 
of  God's  mercy  in  calling  me  to  the  ministry.  On  returning, 
I  met  one  of  the  deacons,  to  whom  I  spoke  on  the  solemn 
occasion  ;  but  he  seemed  incapable  of  entertaining  a  serious 
thought.  At  half-past  ten  we  went  to  the  cathedral.  Dur- 
ing- the  ordination  and  sacramental  services  I  sousfht  in  vain 
for  a  humble  heavenly  mind.  The  outward  show,  which 
tended  to  inspire  solemnity,  affected  me  more  than  the  faith 
of  Christ's  presence,  giving  me  the  commission  to  preach  the 
gospel.  May  1  have  grace  to  fulfil  those  promises  I  made 
before  God  and  the  people  !  After  dinner,  walked  with  great 
rapidity  to  Cambridge.  I  went  straight  to  Trinity  Church, 
where  my  old  vanities  assailed  my  soul.     How  monstrous  and 


1803. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  87 

borrible  did  they  appear  in  me,  now  that  I  was  a  minister  of 
holy  things  !  I  could  scarcely  believe  that  so  sacred  aa 
office  should  be  held  by  one,  who  had  such  a  heart  within. 
B.  sat  with  me  in  the  evening,  but  I  was  not  humbled  ;  for 
I  had  not  been  near  to  God  to  obtain  the  grace  of  contrition. 

Oct.  30.  Rose  with  a  heavy  heart,  and  my  head  empty, 
from  having  read  so  little  of  the  scriptures  this  last  week. 

After  church  sat  with two  hours,  conversing  about  the 

Missionary  plan.  He  considered  my  ideas  on  the  subject  to 
be  enthusiastic,  and  told  me  that  I  had  neither  strength  of 
body  or  mind  for  the  work.  This  latter  defect  I  did  not  at 
all  like  ;  it  was  galling  to  the  pride  of  my  heart,  and  I  went 
to  bed  hurt  ;  yet  thankful  to  God  for  sending  me  one,  who 
would  tell  me  truth. 

Nov.  6.  Most  delighted  and  happy  this  morning,  at  the 
thought  of  preaching  the  gospel,  and  felt  as  if  I  could  place 
myself  in  the  Saviour's  stead,  and  as  if  my  heart  would  melt 
at  offering  the  water  of  life  to  the  sons  of  men.  But  on 
reading  over  ray  own  sermon,  I  was  chilled  and  frozen  at  the 
deadness  and  stupidity  of  it.  I  commended  it,  and  myself, 
and  the  people,  to  his  grace.  Rode  to  Lolworth,  where  there 
was  a  very  small  congregation,  at  which  my  pride  was 
beginning  to  take  the  alarm ;  but  the  hope  of  doing  good, 
though  but  to  one  soul,  brought  me  to  a  different  spirit. 
There  seemed  to  be  one  or  two  who  heard  the  word  gladly, 
and  to  those  I  could  have  been  willing  to  preach  for  days 
together.  After  evening  church,  Mr.  S.  told  me  I  ought  to 
read  with  more  solemnity  and  devotion,  at  which  I  was  not 
a  little  grieved  and  amazed.  H.  also,  and  my  other  friends, 
complaining  of  my  speaking  too  low,  and  with  too  little  elocu- 
tion. These  things,  v.ath  the  difficulty  I  had  found  in  mak- 
ing sermons,  and  the  poorness  of  them,  made  me  appear  ex- 
ceedingly contemptible  to  myself.  I  began  to  see  (and 
amazing  is  it  to  say)  for  the  first  time,  that  I  must  be  con- 


38  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

tented  to  take  my  place  among  men  of  second-rate  abilities  ; 
that  there  were  men  who  excelled  me  in  every  thing.  I 
therefore  first  discovered,  into  what  profound  ignorance  and 
dreadful  presumption  my  paltry  worldly  honors  and  pride 
had  led  me.  Humbled  at  this  conviction,  I  perceived  it  to 
be  right,  though  it  was  certainly  a  novel  thought  to  me,  if 
God  and  his  more  perfect  creatures  were  glorified  together, 
and  I  were  cast  out  and  forgotten.  In  all  my  humiliations, 
which  have  been  few  and  transient,  and  with  all  the  humility 
I  imagined  myself  to  possess,  I  have  still  obstinately  main- 
tained my  fancied  place  amongst  men.  All  this  has  been 
going  forward  in  a  heart,  which  conceived  itself  to  have  at- 
tained something  of  the  humility  of  Jesus  Christ.  Now  in 
the  retrospect  of  these  things  I  see  two  causes  of  humiliation  : 
one  is,  that  my  pride  and  ignorance  are  so  great,  in  assigning 
to  myself  a  station,  to  which  I  did  not  belong  ;  secondly,  in 
being  pained  at  discovering  my  inferiority  to  my  friends  in 
unimportant  accomplishments.  Oh  that  I  may  not  be  deceived 
in  the  consideration  of  the  state  of  my  soul  in  regard  to 
eternity  ! 

Nov.  1 — 10.  Employed  in  preparing  the  last  Sunday's 
sermon  for  Thursday,  and  in  writing  on  Hebrews  vi.  11. 
The  convictions  I  had  received  of  my  extreme  ignorance  in 
spiritual  things  remained,  and  sometimes  made  me  earnest 
for  the  teachings  of  God's  Spirit. 

Nov.  13.  I  longed  to  draw  very  near  to  God,  to  pray 
him  that  he  would  give  me  the  Spirit  of  wisdom  and  reve- 
lation. I  thought  of  David  Brainerd,  and  ardently  desired 
his  devotedness  to  God  and  holy  breathings  of  soul. 

Nov.  18.  In  my  walk  spoke  to  three  young  men  who 
were  swearing.  They  seemed  to  be  much  confounded,  and 
to  take  deeply  what  I  said  to  them.  I  look  forward  often  to 
the  time  of  my  hoped-for  mission  with  joy.  I  hope  my  ex- 
pectation of  comfort  in  it  arises  from  a  desire  to  do  some- 


1803.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  39 

thing  for  Christ,  though  ray  great  unconcern  for  souls  here 
may  well  make  me  doubt  it. 

St.  John's,  Nov.  18,  1803. 
I  thank  you,  my  dear  Sargent,  for  your  prayers  on  the 
day  of  my  ordination.  I  rejoiced  to  think  that  many  were 
putting  up  to  heaven  for  me  ;  for  much  indeed  did  I  need 
them.  Neither  at  that  time  nor  since  have  I  been  duly  af- 
fected with  the  awfulness  of  the  charge.  Now  that  the 
composition  of  sermons  will  become  easier,  I  hope  to  perform 
all  the  duties  of  the  ministry  with  more  attention  than  I  have 
yet  been  able  to  give.  Time  and  prayer  will,  I  trust, 
through  the  grace  of  God,  i-emove  that  childish  thoughtless- 
ness which  attends  me  still,  and  make  me  feel  where  I  stand. 

*  *  *  *  '^ij  conversations  with have 

been  attended  with  no  small  advantage  to  me  in  the  way  of 
wholesome  correction.  He  is  the  only  man  of  all  my  friends 
here,  who  tells  me  the  truth  plainly ;  and  so  is  the  only  one, 
who  by  lowering  my  pride,  eventually  promotes  my  sanctifi- 
cfttion  and  peace.  *  *  *  *  ^s  yQ^  i^^ve 
read  Law,  tell  me  your  opinion  of  him.  He  is  rather  a  fa- 
vorite of  mine,'  though  not  without  his  faults. 
I  am,  dear  Sargent, 

Yours  ever  truly, 

H.  Marttn. 

Nov.  20.  The  sermon,  John  xiv.  2,  3,  was  refreshing  to 
me,  and  I  had  power  to  retain  the  comfortable  impressions. 
Vain  and  earthly  thoughts  perplexed  my  mind  in  the  even- 
ing at  church.  Well  is  it  for  the  people,  that  they  cannot 
read  the  heart  of  their  ministering  servant.  I  groaned  under 
the  corruption  of  my  heart  this  evening  in  prayer,  and  pray- 
ed and  longed  for  grace  to  purge  me  thoroughly,  and  retired 
to  bed  with  a  meek  desire  of  living  entirely  for  God. 


40  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

Nov.  21.  In  the  afternoon,  before  going  out  to  visit  the 
sick,  the  pride  and  kiziness  of  my  heart  made  me  appear 
detestable  to  myself.  Thou,  Lord,  only,  canst  know  the 
hidden  evil  of  thy  creature.  Let  thy  continual  pity  defend 
me :  let  thy  gracious  Spirit  cleanse  me  ! 

Nov.  22.  In  my  walk  was  in  great  heaviness  :  till  towards 
the  latter  part  of  it  I  held  fast  by  Christ,  and  seemed  able 
to  make  his  will  mine,  though  still  with  many  vain  and  cow- 
ardly imaginations.  At  seven  went  to  the  society  of  young- 
men,  and  explained  the  50th  Psalm  with  great  composure. 
In  prayer  God  vouchsafed  the  spirit  of  supplication.  For 
the  first  time  I  found  myself  happy  in  this  social  exercise ; 
my  desires  after  God  were  clear  and  strong,  and  it  was  with 
great  unwillingness  that  I  left  off.  My  joy  during  the  rest 
of  the  evening  was  very  great,  though  there  were  many  ap- 
proaches to  spiritual  pride. 

Nov.  20.  Towards  the  evening  much  strong  propensity  to 
the  gratification  of  self-will,  and  much  pain  at  thwarting  it. 
Began  to  seek  God  in  solemn  prayer  for  fitness  for  the  min- 
istry, in  which  I  continued  about  half  an  hour,  entirely  on 
the  subject  of  the  resignation  of  my  own  will ;  and  I  gained 
so  much  light,  that  it  appeared  monstrous  and  horrible,  that 
any  creature  should  seek  its  will  in  opposition  to  God's  will. 

Nov.  24  to  26.  My  soul  has  been  struggling,  with  much 
corruption,  summoning  up  courage  in  the  name  of  God  to 
fight  the  fight  of  faith  with  never-ceasing  exertion,  and  yet 
soon  sinking  again  into  evil  tempers,  distrust,  and  despond- 
ency. Oh  !  my  spirit  faints  for  holiness  !  When  shall  God 
be  glorified  by  the  entire  renewing  of  this  sinful  heart  ?  Oh 
that  the  powers  of  ni}^  soul  were  awake  to  God  and  the 
good  of  my  fellow-creatures !  But  truly  I  am  an  unprofita- 
ble servant  ! 

Nov.  21.  I  was  much  interrupted  in  reading  the  Scriptures 
this  morning ;  yet  my  spirit  found  delight  in  retiring  from 


1803. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  41 

tlie  world  and  forgetting  its  concerns,  to  live  with  God  and 
walk  with  God.  I  longed  to  be  entirely  delivered  from  the 
opinions  of  men,  and  to  approve  myself  unto  God.  Heard 
Mr.  Lloyd  preach  on  Rom.  vii.  12,  and  his  observations  to 
me  afterwards  tended  to  impress  on  my  mind  the  advantage 
of  having  my  condemnation  by  the  law  continually  before 
me ;  for  oh  how  light  and  trifling  would  every  painful  duty 
appear,  could  I  but  keep  in  mind  God's  sparing  mercy !  And 
how  ought  I  also  to  remember  it  on  the  score  of  humility 
and  seriousness  !  Mr.  Lloyd  observed,  that  these  thoughts 
tended  to  preserve  a  consistency  of  character.  How  closely 
did  this  apply  to  myself,  who  do  such  dishonor  to  Christ ! 
Read  and  prayed  with  the  same  sick  woman  ;  she  and  all 
the  people  in  the  room,  about  five  in  number,  seemed  to  be 
in  profound  ignorance.  I  strove  to  charge  her  sins  home  to 
her ;  but  this  is  a  very  unacceptable  task  to  most  people. 
This  parish,  which  has  heard  the  gospel  for  between  twenty 
and  thirty  years,  is  still  in  a  most  lamentable  state  for  w^ant 
of  the  minister's  testifying  from  house  to  house.  May  the 
Lord  fill  me  with  more  zeal  in  doing  this  business,  both  at 
Lolworth  and  in  the  parish  at  Cambridge  !  In  the  evening 
my  sins  appeared  more  in  number  than  the  haii's  of  my  head. 
I  remembered  with  horror  the  multitudes  I  had  been  guilty 
of  this  holy  day  ;  how  many  proud  and  vain  thoughts,  liow 
much  forgetfulness  of  God  and  want  of  every  grace  appear- 
ed in  the  course  of  it !  The  pride  of  this  wicked  heart  I 
seem  to  have  made  no  way  in  subduing.  The  pain  I  felt  at 
the  kind  admonitions  of  friends  too  plainly  showed  this.  Yet 
I  can  commit  the  sanctification  of  my  soul  to  Christ ;  and  it 
is  my  comfort  and  support  to  think,  that  **  he  is  of  God 
made  unto  me  wisdom,  and  righteousness,  and  sanctification, 
and  redemption." 

Nov.  28  to  30.  The  work  of  visiting  the  people  of  Cam- 
bridge, and  reading   to  and  praying   with   them,  appeared 


42  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1803. 

hateful  to  me ;  but  through  grace,  my  self-will  did  not  pre- 
vail. On  30th  particularly,  after  much  painful  striving  in 
prayer,  I  gained  some  relief  and  hope  of  delight  in  every 
part  of  the  ministerial  work.  All  the  arguments,  of  which 
any  one  is  of  infinite  and  everlasting  moment,  seem  to  be 
ineffectual  to  bend  the  stubbornness  of  my  heart,  unless  the 
Spirit  convert  it.  The  sixth  chapter  of  Isaiah,  and  the  med- 
itation of  the  precious  value  of  men,  though  disguised  by 
the  low  pursuits  of  trade,  or  buried  under  the  rubbish  of 
poverty  and  ignorance,  had  no  power  to  influence  my  per- 
verse and  senseless  will.  All  these  things  manifest  a  low 
state  of  Christian  experience  ;  but  they  must  be  recorded. 

Dec.  1.  Felt  a  serious  submission  to  God  this  morning  in 
prayer  ;  but  never  since  my  ordination  have  I  been  without 
care.  Hoped  to  enjoy  some  of  that  peace  and  joy  I  used  to 
feel  in  reading  Isaiah  ;  but  was  interrupted.  Was  strength- 
ened and  composed  by  reading  Heb.  x.  and  learning  it  by 
heart.  Endeavored  to  seek  God  in  my  walk.  *  *  * 
Prayed  for  myself  as  a  minister,  for  the  people  at  Lolworth 
and  Cambridge,  for  my  dear  sisters, — but  with  nothing  like 
fervor.  Do  I  believe  that  God  heareth  prayer  ?  Lord,  help 
my  unbelief ! 

-"  Dec.  2.  Resolved  upon  more  self-denial  this  morning.  I 
have,  I  trust,  rescinded  all  unnecessary  expenses ;  yet  ease 
and  attachment  to  the  comforts  of  life  have  had  a  tendency 
to  produce  a  v/eakness  of  mind,  which  makes  me  but  ill-dis- 
posed to  endure  hardness.  By  watchfulness  against  these 
things  this  morning,  by  studied  unconcern  about  the  flesh, 
I  rose  above  it,  and  found  the  benefit  besides  in  the  fearless- 
ness with  which  I  viewed  the  labor  and  difficulties  of  my 
future  hfe.  Found  great  insight  into  the  design  of  Heb.  xi. 
and  thought  I  should  hereafter  walk  more  steadily  by  faith. 

Dec.  3.  The  incessant  employment  of  my  thoughts  about 
the  necessary  business  of  my  life,  parishes,  pupils,  sermons, 


1803. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  43 

sick,  &c.  leave  far  too  little  time  for  private  meditation ;  so 
that  I  know  little  of  God  and  my  soul.  Resolved  I  would 
gain  some  hours  from  my  usual  sleep,  if  there  were  no  other 
way ;  but  failed  this  morning  in  consequence  of  sitting  up 
so  late. 

Dec.  4.  Called  at  two  or  three  of  the  parishioners' 
houses,  and  found  them  universally  in  the  most  profound 
state  of  ignorance  and  stupidity.  On  my  road  home  could 
not  perceive,  that  men  who  have  any  little  knowledge, 
should  have  anything  to  do,  but  instruct  their  wretched  fel- 
loAV-creatures.  The  pursuits  of  science,  and  all  the  vain  and 
glittering  employments  of  men,  seemed  a  cruel  withholding 
from  their  perishing  brethren  of  that  time  and  exertion, 
which  might  save  their  souls. 

Dec.  5.  Rode  to  Lolworth.  On  the  road,  all  my  endeavors 
to  obtain  some  sweetness  in  divine  thoughts  in  my  own  strength 
were  fruitless ;  but  when  I  resigned  all  the  concerns  of  my 
spirit  into  the  hands  of  God,  that  he  would  deal  with  me 
according  to  his   pleasure,  I  found  some  pleasure  in  being 

nothing.     In  the  afternoon, stayed  with  me  ;  but  our 

theme  was  learned  rather  than  practical  divinity.  He  is, 
however,  a  dear  and  valuable  friend,  for  telling  me  freely  of 
my  faults.  In  prayer  this  evening  I  drew  near  to  God,  and 
besought  him  to  make  me  a  very  different  soul  from  what  I 
should  be  likely  to  be,  by  taking  my  train  of  thinking  from 
the  language  of  professing  Christians.  They  all  excel  me  in 
Christian  tempers ;  but  man,  even  in  liis  full  perfection,  is 
but  a  broken  cistern. 

Dec.  6.   Passed  the  whole  morninof  in  reading^  Heb.  xi., 

and  before  my  usual  prayer,  called  to  walk.     I  told 

him  my  opinion  about  his  neglect  of  public  worship,  and  pri- 
vate opportunities  of  advantage,  very  freely,  but  perhaps  too 
harshly.  Let  me  dread  lest  I  quench  the  smoking  flax :  re- 
solved to  win  him  if  possible  by  more  tenderness. 


44  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

Dec.  7.  At  night  strengthened  considerably :  I  never  be- 
fore felt  so  calm  and  steady  a  resolution  to  live  in  continual 
self-denial,  to  fight  hard  every  day ;  and  it  appeared,  that 
whatever  I  could  be  possibly  called  to  endure  was  nothing ; 
such  a  mercy  was  it  that  I  might  hope  for  salvation ! 

Dec.  8.  Rose  early,  and  in  prayer  had  something  of  a  suit- 
able frame,  that  is,  a  contented  waiting  upon  God.  It  was 
my  desire  and  prayer  to  mourn  for  sin,  and  to  be  poor  in 
spirit.  G.  joined  me  in  my  walk,  and  as  he  seemed  disposed 
to  converse  about  religion,  I  spoke  to  him  very  openly.  I 
had  occasion  to  mention  to  him,  that  the  last  day  of  my  life 
would  be  the  best.  I  think  of  it  without  joy,  though  without 
fear.  It  seems  as  if  I  should  be  saved  only  as  by  fire,  having 
done  nothing  to  glorify  God,  and  my  heail  seeming  to  be 
destitute  of  grace. 

Dec.  28.  The  morning  was  spent  very  unprofitably,  from 
not  having  had  a  fixed  plan.  Lost  much  time  in  looking  out 
for  a  text  for  next  Sunday  ;  yet  found  some  devotion  in  learn- 
ing some  of  119th  Psalm.  In  the  evening,  the  first  leisure  I 
had  gained  after  a  long  interval,  I  hoped  to  draw  near  to 
God  by  his  word  and  prayer :  that  blessed  man  Baxter,  in 
his  "  Saint's  Rest,"  was  enabled  to  kindle  such  a  degree  of 
devotion  and  love,  as  I  have  long  been  a  stranger  to.  I 
strove  to  keep  the  future  happiness  of  heaven  steadily  in 
view ;  but  the  want  of  a  humble  spirit  made  these  contem- 
plations appear  delusive. 

Jan.  1,  1804.  Preached  in  the  afternoon  at  Trinity  Church 
with  seriousness,  but  little  feeling.  On  the  review  of  my 
journal  of  the  last  year,  I  perceive  it  has  been  of  late  becom- 
ing a  diary  of  my  life,  instead  of  being  a  register  of  my  state 
of  mind.  And  this  is  to  be  attributed  partly  to  sloth,  and 
partly  to  having  devoted  too  much  time  and  attention  to  the 
outward  and  public  duties  of  the  ministry.  But  this  has 
been  a  mistaken  conduct.     For  I  have  learned,  that  neglect 


1804. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  45 

of  much  and  fervent  communion  with  God  in  meditation  and 
prayers,  is  not  the  way  to  redeem  time,  nor  to  fit  me  for  pub- 
He  ministrations.  I  have  had  few  seasons  of  joy  since  my 
ordination ;  for  many  of  the  duties  of  the  ministry  have  called 
to  light  the  hidden  evils  of  my  corrupted  heart,  and  my  exer- 
tions in  prayer  have  been  to  keep  them  under.  I  have,  how- 
ever, much  to  complain  of  in  slothfulness  in  that  duty, — that 
I  do  not  stir  up  myself  to  lay  hold  upon  God.  Oh  may  I 
live  very  near  to  him  the  ensuing  year,  and  follow  the  steps 
of  Christ  and  his  holy  saints  !  It  will  be  attended  with  much 
self-denial  and  warfare ;  nevertheless  it  yieldeth  the  peacea- 
ble fruits  of  righteousness  to  them  who  are  exercised  thereby. 
Jan.  3.  A  sense  of  my  present  deadness  and  unprofitable- 
ness determined  me  to  devote  the  day  to  fasting  and  prayer ; 
but  I  could  not  get  near  to  God :  in  all  my  confessions  for 
myself  as  an  individual,  or  member  of  the  church  or  nation, 
I  could  feel  no  contrition ;  nevertheless,  though  the  cloud 
hanging  over  the  nation,  and  my  own  pride,  cast  a  heavy 
gloom  over  my  mind,  with  a  sense  of  guilt,  and  of  God's  dis- 
pleasure, I  strove  against  an  evil  heart  of  unbelief,  which 
tempted  me  to  depart  from  the  living  God. 

Jan.  4.  Rose  late,  as  I  have  done  several  times,  and  when 
this  is  the  case,  I  seldom  begin  or  perform  the  duties  of  the 
day  with  satisfaction.  Read  much  of  "  Edwards  on  the  Affec- 
tions," about  humility,  and  was  much  profited.  In  hall  and 
in  the  combination  room,  I  sought  to  exemplify  a  Christian 
spirit  by  mine,  and  found  by  those  moments  of  recollection, 
when  I  was  able  to  do  it,  that  my  usual  temper  and  conduct 
differ  very  widely  from  what  they  ought  to  be.  In  the  even- 
ing my  soul  drew  near  to  the  Lord,  and  pleaded  Avith  him  a 
long  time  for  understanding  and  strength,  to  fit  me  for  a 
long  hfe  of  warfare  and  constant  self-denial.  I  prayed  to 
see  clearly  why  I  was  placed  here,  how  short  the  time  is, 
how  excellent  the  labor  for  souls,  above  all,  to  feel  my  desert 


46  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

of  hell,  grace  to  enlighten  my  eyes  in  those  dark  and  gloomy 
seasons  of  outward  trouble  and  desponding  faith,  grace  to 
enable  me  to  despise  the  indulgence  of  the  body,  not  to 
shrink  from  cold,  and  hunger,  and  painful  labor,  but  to  fol- 
low the  Lamb  wheresoever  he  goeth ;  and  that  he  wouldi^ 
bring  all  these  things  to  my  remembrance  the  next,  and  every 
succeeding  day.  But  my  want  of  humiliation  was  apparent 
and  painful.  My  soul  longeth  for  perfection,  but  has  not  yet 
learnt  the  secret  of  happiness, — a  poor  and  contrite  spirit. 

Jan.  5.  I  retained  on  my  mind  the  savor  of  last  night's 
meditation :  for  humility  seemed  to  be  my  object,  if  not  my 
temper.  Preached  on  Isaiah  Ixiv.  V.  Oh,  let  not  my  ser- 
mons rise  up  in  judgment  against  me  ! 

Jan.  6.  At  the  society  I  was  very  dull,  both  in  exhorta- 
tion and  prayer ;  and  so  were  the  people.  There  were  but 
six ;  with  little  appearance  of  devotion ;  the  sense  of  my  ex- 
ceeding unprofitableness  was  very  humbling  to  me  ;  yet  it 
had  not  the  effect  of  drawing  me  away  from  God ;  and  so  I 
was  contented  to  be  thought  little  of  by  men.  I  rightly 
attribute  my  present  deadness  to  want  of  sufficient  time  and 
tranquillity  for  private  devotion. 

Jan.  1.  Hoping  to  gain  some  motion  and  liveliness  to  my 
mind,  I  sought  to  give  it  recreation  this  morning,  by  reading 
some  of  Thomson's  "Chemistry,"  and  Jon.  Edwards  on 
"  Original  Sin." 

Jan.  8.  Full  of  anxiety ;  relieved  at  times  by  prayer. 
Preached  at  Lolworth.  Called  at  three  of  the  houses,  and 
found  them  as  ignorant  of  the  gospel  as  heathens.  Oh,  let 
it  not  appear  at  last,  that  the  Lord  hath  hid  his  face  from 
them,  on  account  of  the  unworthiness  of  their  teacher! 
May  he  pour  out  his  Spirit  upon  them  and  me,  that  I  may 
warn  them  even  with  tears  !  The  little  appearance  of  life- 
devotion  among  the  people  of  Lolworth,  either  at  public  wor- 
ship or  at  other  times,  and  returning  home  in  a  cold  snowy 


1804. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  47 

night,  had,  I  suppose,  these  melancholy  effects  upon  my 
mind,  and  made  me  dispirited  at  the  prospect  of  missionary 
hardships.  I  got  most  nearly  to  peace  and  happiness,  by 
laboring  to  feel  myself  the  meanest  of  God's  creatures,  and 
the  desert  I  have  of  being  consigned  over  to  eternal  punish- 
ment. 


48  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  11804. 


CHAPTER    III. 


St.  John's,  January  9,  1804. 
I  HEARD  of  tlie  death  of  your  brather,  my  dear  Sargent, 
some  time  ago ;  but  I  had  neither  inchnation  nor  leisure  to 
write  you  immediately  after.  I  hope  the  first  impressions  of 
grief  are  now  somewhat  worn  away,  but  that  you  retain  that 
blessed  effect  of  sanctified  sorrow,  a  tender  spirit,  Avhich  to 
me  at  this  time  appears  so  desirable,  that  I  could  be  willing 
to  sufi'er  anything,  or  do  anything  to  obtain  it.  I  trust  that 
the  melancholy  event  has,  in  answer  to  your  prayers,  been 

beneficial  to .     If  not  yet  in  the  degree  you  could  wish, 

yet  cease  not  to  pray  for  her.  But  how  can  I  encourage  you 
to  a  duty,  in  which  I  am  so  languid  myself,  so  seldom  dis- 
posed to  "stir  up  myself  to  take  hold  upon  God?"  How 
necessary  is  self-denial  in  this  as  well  as  every  other  duty, 
through  the  corruption  that  is  in  us  !  Sometimes  I  feel  the 
most  ardent  and  strong  resolutions  to  fight  manfully,  to  exert 
all  the  powers  of  the  soul  unceasingly  in  mortifying  the  flesh  ; 
but  these  resolves  are  short-lived  :  sometimes  through  forget- 
fulness,  sometimes  through  weakness,  I  find  myself  giving 
way  to  ever-craving  self-indulgence.         *  *         *         * 

You  told  me  some  time  ago,  that  the  multiplicity  of  business 
which  would  attend  me  as  Mr.  Simeon's  curate,  would  leave 
little  time  for  reflection  on  my  future  plans ;  and  truly  I  find 
your  prediction  fulfilled  :  for  the  composition  of  sermons,  and 
preparing  for  the  societies,  confines  the  hours  of  devotion  into 
far  too  small  a  compass,  Nevertheless  I  have  found  my  spirit 
disciplined  by  these  more  active  parts  of  the  ministry,  so  as  to 


1804. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  49 

perform  with  willingness  those  duties  from  which  once  I  used 
to  shrink.  #  #  *  *  Farewell,  my  dear 

brother, — amidst  all  the  afflictions  of  the  gospel,  and  truly 
they  are  not  few,  we  shall  also  be  made  partakers  of  its  con- 
solations. The  contemplation  of  the  eternal  world  is  of  ne- 
cessity my  chief  happiness,  and  yours  I  hope  by  choice :  for 
though  this  world  demands  your  attention  more  than  mine, 
you  have  learnt  to  give  it  its  right  value.  In  our  Father's 
house  there  are,  I  humbly  hope,  mansions  prepared  for  us, 
purchased  only  by  the  blood  of  Jesus,  who  will  also  keep 
that  which  we  have  committed  to  him  till  that  day. 

H.  M. 

Jan.  11.  At  the  funeral  of  Mr.  Mann,  at  Lol worth,  felt 
very  solemnly :  though  the  entrance  into  eternal  joy,  when 
my  body  should  in  like  manner  be  laid  in  the  dust,  appeared 
too  good  to  hope  or  believe. 

Jan.  13.  Was  dissatisfied  at  not  rising  so  early  as  I  might : 
these  instances  of  self-indulgence  have  a  very  bad  effect  on 

my  temper.     In  the  evening  at ,  and  met  about  fifteen 

or  sixteen  there.  I  delivered  the  subject  I  had  been  thinking 
on  ;  but  with  little  animation.  My  mind  enjoyed,  during  the 
rest  of  the  evening,  a  sweet  serenity  and  peacefulness.  It 
did  not  amount  to  spiritual  joy :  yet  when  did  I  ever  expe- 
rience such  happiness  in  the  days  of  my  vanity  ? 

Jan.  15.  Walked  half  an  hour  by  the  river-side  after  din- 
ner, endeavoring  to  compose  my  mind  for  extempore  preach- 
ing, and  this  I  accordingly  did  at  St.  Giles',  on  Matt.  v.  3^ — 5, 
though  by  no  means  to  my  satisfaction ;  nor  ever  yet  in  the 
pulpit,  or  in  pubhc  addresses,  have  I  experienced  any  sweet- 
ness of  spirit.      Called  on  one  of  the  old  women  in  the 

alms-house,  a  truly  contrite  soul.     Drank  tea  at :  was 

somewhat  comforted  in  the  evening  by  Mr.  Simeon's  sermon 
on  "  Sing,  0  ye  heavens,  for  the  Lord  hath  redeemed  Jacob  ;" 
3  . 


50  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

Christ's  atonement  was  my  only  ground  of  hope  and 
peace. 

Jan,  16.  Went  to to  breakfast,  laboring  to  maintain 

heavenly-mindedness  and  humility ;  but  for  want  of  more 
reading,  retirement,  and  private  devotion,  I  have  little  power 
over  my  own  tempers.  Read  Edwards  on  the  Affections, 
and  found  some  parts  very  convincing  to  show  me  my  low 
stature  in  Christ.  In  the  morning  I  had  a  most  painful  time 
of  prayer ;  the  expressions  of  egotism  were  so  hateful,  that  I 
could  rather  have  died  than  use  them ;  this  was  not,  I  con- 
ceive, humiliation,  for  I  felt  no  love  towards  God  or  man,  and 
could  make  no  petition ;  but  now  after  reading  Edwards,  I 
was  able  to  pray  with  seriousness  and  strength.  Of  what  an 
unconquerable  nature  is  spiritual  pride  !  Went  to  Mr.  OAven's 
to  supper ;  he  sometimes  amused,  and  sometimes  edified  me 
by  his  conversation.  Sat  up  till  two  in  the  morning  losing 
my  time  by  uncontrollable  wanderings  of  thought  in  self- 
examination. 

Jan.  12.  Had  some  freedom  and  comfort  in  prayer  in  the 
middle  of  the  day ;  and  amid  much  carefulness  and  despon- 
dency, had  many  reviving  views  of  Christ.  0  the  exceeding 
emptiness  of  my  mind  for  want  of  more  reading  of  the  word 
of  God  in  private  !     Dined  at  Professor  Farish's  ;  but  left  at 

five  to  go  to  S 's.     Here  they  expected,  I  suppose,  that 

I  should  begin  a  conversation  with  them ;  but  I  was  utterly 
unable,  for  through  want  of  preparation  on  a  subject  of  ex- 
hortation, I  was  uneasy.  However,  I  lifted  up  my  heart  to 
the  Lord,  and  he  helped  me  to  explain  and  enforce  the  begin- 
ning of  the  6th  chapter  of  Matthew.  Perhaps  the  people  are 
edified  through  the  divine  blessing ;  but  my  preachings  and 
exhortations  fall  infinitely  sliort  of  what  I  should  call  good. 

Jan.  20.  Unbelief  and  unhappiness  this  morning  were  re- 
moved by  my  being  able  to  humble  myself,  and  remember 
the  resolutions  of  last  night.     How  deficient  in  poverty  and 


1804. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  51 

heavenly-mindedness  am  I  daily  with  my  pupil !  yet  these 
Httle  events  of  life  are  proper  trials  of  Christian  temper.  la 
prayer  I  drew  near  the  Lord,  and  rejoiced  to  repeat  before 
him  my  determination  to  do  his  will.  Now  that  my  mind 
was  easy,  one  would  have  thought  that  the  prospect  of  the 
ministrations  in  the  evening  would  have  been  delightful.  But 
no  such  thing.  Now  that  I  had  got  rid  of  one  difficulty,  my 
perverted  heart  sought  out  another.  I  was  not  prepared  for 
the  evening  ;  then  I  Avas  constrained  to  wonder  at  the  patience 
of  God ;  then  did  1  see  it  good  to  be  afflicted,  for  the  moment 
the  rod  was  removed  I  was  going  astray.  0  Lord,  guide  me 
by  thy  own  counsel.  It  is  not  in  man  to  direct  his  steps. 
Do  thou  act  towards  thy  blind  creature  according  to  thine 
own  wisdom  and  love ;  the  natural  bent  of  my  heart  is  to 
depart  from  thee — keep  me  through  thine  own  power  through 
faith  unto  salvation.  I  see  the  reason  why  Jesus  would  not 
remove  the  thorn  out  of  St.  Paul's  flesh.  Now,  0  my  soul, 
that  thou  hast  found  rest  for  a  while,  quicken  thou  thy  j^^e  /Lzi^ 
towards  heaven.  Now  that  thine  enemies  cease  to  molest 
thee,  lose  no  time  in  getting  forward.  0  that  I  might  feel 
resolved  to  wrestle  with  God !  In  the  evening  prayer  I  de- 
signed to  have  dwelt  entirely  on  love,  that  I  might  receive  it 
from  God,  but  found  so  much  reason  to  pray  for  humihty, 
that  I  could  think  of  nothing  else. 

Jan.  21.  Pride  filled  my  heart  with  evil  surmises  this 
morning  when  I  rose.  There  is  no  living  without  humility. 
Found  that  peculiar  kind  of  self-abhorrence  in  prayer  this 
morning,  (as  I  have  often  felt  when  expressions  of  egotism 
were  hateful,)  which,  unaccountable  as  it  may  seem,  always 
accompanies  a  humiliation  not  evangelical.  Or  else  humilia- 
tion is  only  of  one  kind,  namely,  legal,  and  that  which  is 
called  evangelical  humiliation  is  the  peaceful  frame,  which 
succeeds  humiliation,  not  necessarily,  but  through  grace. 
Considered  2  Tim.  i.  10,  in  order  to  preach  on  it  to-morrow. 


62  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

Found  myself  sinking  into  an  earthly  and  unhappy  spirit, 
and  struo-o-led  ao-ainst  it,  and  rose  above  it.  The  54th  chap- 
ter  of  Isaiah,  and  3d  and  4th  of  1  John,  afforded  me  much 
refreshment.  After  dinner  the  sense  of  my  ingratitude  to 
God  and  indiflference  to  the  poor  people  at  Lolworth  filled 
me  with  shame  as  having  existed  habitually  in  me.  Prayer, 
however,  removed  my  unwillingness  to  duty  and  slothfulness, 
and  I  went  forth  disposed  to  visit  the  people  in  Wall's  lane. 
The  awfulness  of  the  ministry  pressed  on  my  mind  deeply. 
0  that  I  might  remember  what  it  is  to  watch  for  souls,  as 
those  that  must  give  account ! 

Jan.  23.  Went  by  the  Telegraph  to  London,  with  my 
thoughts  taken  up  at  first  with  happy  views  of  God  ;  but 
afterwards  they  wandered  dissatisfied  upon  the  things  around 
me. 

Jan.  24.  Rose  eaily,  and  with  great  difficulty  attained  a 
right  spirit  by  prayer.  Learnt  some  of  Psalms  xci.  and 
cxix.  by  heart.  Thought  little  of  God  during  my  walk 
through  this  great  city ;  when  I  did,  however,  it  was 
with  much  affection.  Distracted  by  the  bustle  of  this  place, 
and  the  dissipation  of  my  thoughts  through  want  of  reading 
and  meditation  ;  found  it  hard  to  be  collected  in  private,  or 
to  force  myself  into  a  clear  and  lively  view  of  eternal  things. 

Jan.  25.  In  company  I  forgot  that  sweet  poverty  of  spirit 
which  it  would  become  me  more  to  feel.  Poor  mean  thing 
that  I  am !  but  I  am  contented  to  remain  contemptible 
among  men,  so  that  my  heart  be  thereby  made  in  any  degree 
more  fit  for  the  residence  of  God. 

Jan.  26.  Walked  to  the  India  House  to  Mr.  Grant,  who 
desired  I  would  come  down  to  Clapham.  So  I  went  with 
Mr.  Grant,  and  upon  the  road  he  gave  me  much  information 
on  the  state  of  India.  He  said  that  the  language  spoken  by 
the  natives  who  lived  in  the  English  settlements,  was  the 
Hindostanee,  which    was   a   mixture  of  several  languages, 


1804. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  63 

Arabic,  Persic,  Shanscrit,  a  sort  of  lingua  franca ;  but  that 
the  Bengalee  was  the  vernacular  tongue  of  the  bulk  of  the 
native  inhabitants,  and  must  be  acquired  by  missionaries 
amongst  the  Hindoos ;  that  it  would  be  absolutely  necessary 
to  keep  three  servants,  for  three  can  do  no  more  than  the 
work  of  one  English  ;  that  no  European  constitution  can  en- 
dure being  exposed  to  mid-day  heat ;  that  Mr.  Schwartz, 
who  was  settled  at  Tanjore,  did  do  it  for  a  time,  walking 
among  the  natives.  We  arrived  at  Mr.  Wilberforce's  to  din- 
ner ;  in  the  evening  we  conversed  about  my  business.  To 
Mr.  Wilberforce  I  went  into  a  detail  of  my  views,  and  the 
reasons  that  had  operated  on  my  mind.  The  conversation 
of  Mr.  Wilberforce  and  Mr.  Grant  during  the  whole  of  the 
day,  before  the  rest  of  the  company,  which  consisted  of  Mr. 
Johnson  of  New  South  Wales,  a  French  Abbe,  Mrs.  Unwin, 
Mrs.  H.  and  other  ladies,  was  edifying  ;  agreeable  to  what  I 
should  think  right  for  two  godly  senators,  planning  some 
means  of  bringing  before  Parliament  propositions  for  better- 
ing the  moral  state  of  the  colony  of  Botany  Bay.  I  had 
some  conversation  with  the  French  Abbe  about  the  authority 
of  the  church,  but  for  want  of  understanding  more  French 
I  could  not  well  engage  in  it.  At  evening  worship,  Mr.  W. 
expounded  sacred  scripture  wdth  serious  plainness,  and 
prayed  in  the  midst  of  his  large  household. 

Jan.  27.  Evil  tempers,  and  dark  perverted  views  of  divine 
things,  made  me  unwilling  to  pray  this  morning ;  yet  by 
prayer  the  Lord  restored  my  soul,  and  led  me  in  the  paths  of 
righteousness  for  his  name's  sake.  I  had  many  strong 
heart-searching  desires  after  grace  and  holiness ;  but  these 
are  like  ''  the  early  dew,"  and  it  is  for  want  of  a  contrite 
spirit,  that  my  purposes  of  keeping  in  view  one  thing  are  so 
unsteady.  The  deep-rooted  pride  of  my  heart  makes  God 
behold  it  afar  off,  and  throws  a  veil  over  all  the  bright  and 
joyous   things  in  religion.     In  prayer  before  dinner,    after 


54  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

much  pain,  I  drew  near  to  God,  and  received  strength  and 
seriousness.  After  being  much  in  company,  I  declined  as 
usual  in  spirit,  but  the  music  and  the  sight  of  a  rural  scene 
of  sohtude  had  the  effect  of  fixing  my  thoughts  on  heaven. 

Jan.  28.  My  whole  morning  prayer  was  taken  up,  as  it 
often  is  of  late,  in  laboring  after  a  humble  and  contrite 
spirit.  Drank  tea  at  Mr.  Newton's  ;  the  old  man  was  very 
civil  to  me,  and  striking  in  his  remarks  in  general ;  on  my 
return  I  found  myself  unhappy,  but  by  prayer  and  reading 
some  scripture,  I  recovered.  This  text  which  I  met,  gave 
me  many  glad  and  instructive  thoughts.  "  If  any  man 
serve  me,  let  him  follow  me ;  and  where  I  am.  there  shall 
my  servant  be."  Read  in  the  evening  to  Mrs.  — ,  ''  Burke 
on  the  Sublime,"  and  had  in  the  course  of  it  an  instructive 
conversation  on  contrition  of  heart ;  she  wished  to  feel  it 
more,  and  I  know  it  is  the  one  thing  needful  for  my  peace. 

Jan.  29.  (Sunday.)  Read  Isaiah  liv.  after  breakfast,  with 
some  consideration  and  profit.  ...  On  coming  home, 
I  retired  to  my  room,  and  had  a  most  afi'ecting  reading  of 
Isaiah  liii.  The  arm  of  the  Lord  seemed  to  be  revealed  to 
me.  What  manner  of  love  was  it,  that  the  Lord  should  be 
pleased  to  bruise  him !  I  found  it  in  my  heart  to  grieve  at 
the  sufferings  of  Christ,  and  the  sins  that  occasioned  them, 
and  not  to  seek  for  any  of  this  world's  enjoyments,  when 
Christ  was  such  a  man  of  sorrows  and  acquainted  with  grief. 
I  hoped  that  my  soul  would  have  been  tender  and  humble 
the  remaining  part  of  the  day. 

Jan.  31.  Began  the  day  in  hopes  of  being  able  to  keep 
steadily  in  view  the  eternal  world,  and  to  walk  humbly  with 
God.  Alas  !  I  have  little  fear  of  God  before  my  eyes,  and 
seem  to  be  little  aware  of  the  peremptory  commandment  of 
God.  I  go  on  from  day  to  day  indulging  indeed  no  sin  in 
my  heart,  yet  feebly  pressing  towards  the  mark ;  yet  I  seem 
to  imagine  that  a  slight  review  of  the  defects  of  each  day  is 


1804. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  55 

sufficient,  ^  *****         May  the 

Lord  give  me  repentance  unto  life,  open  my  eyes  and  give 
me  a  holy  fear,  lest  after  having  preached  to  others  I  myself 
should  become  a  castaway.  Read  Isaiah — at  1  we  went  to 
hear  the  charge  delivered  to  the  missionaries  at  the  new 
London  Tavern  in  Cheap  side.  I  shook  hands  with  the  two 
missionaries,  Melchior  Rayner,  and  Peter  Hartwig,  and  al- 
most wished  to  go  with  them ;  but  certainly  to  go  to  India. 

Returned  and  read  Isaiah,  and  retired  in  hopes  of  holding 
communion  with  God,  and  receiving  strength  for  the  remain- 
ing part  of  the  day.  But  whilst  I  was  beginning  to  inter- 
cede for  some  of  my  dearest  friends  (in  which  I  am  very  ir- 
regular) and  especially  for  the  two  missionaries,  I  was  called 
down  by  some  friends.  The  afternoon  passed  in  much  Chris- 
tian conversation,  and  in  the  evening  went  to  London-Stone 

Church,  where preached  on  "  the  blood  of  sprinkling, 

which  speaketh  better  things  than  that  of  Abel."  What  do 
I  know,  as  he  asked,  of  the  cleansing  efficacy  of  the  blood 
of  Christ  ?  The  continually  open  fountain  of  that  precious 
blood  is  an  encouragement  to  me  to  come  for  pardon  after 
repeated  falls ;  but  do  I  not  walk  less  carefully  under  the 
covenant  of  grace,  than  I  should  do  under  the  covenant  of 
works  ? 

Feb,  1.  Walked  with  M.  to  the  British  Museum,  and 
though  I  saw  there  much  for  which  I  could  at  times  glorify 
God, — as  the  varieties  of  birds,  fishes,  reptiles,  minerals,  &c., 
and  the  works  of  his  intelligent  creatures, — I  was  plagued 
with  the  workings  of  an  evil,  selfish,  dissipated,  discontented 
heart. 

Feb.  3.  Went  to  bed  with  an  earnest  and  hopeful  desire 
of  living  in  poverty  of  spirit  and  a  sense  of  my  own 
unworthiness. 

Feb.  4.  The  temper  I  wished  to  retain  was  a  source  of 
great  tranquillity  to  me  this  morning.  I  was  rather  oppressed 


56  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

witli  care,  j^et  I  checked  the  suggestions  of  sloth  by  consid- 
ering the  example  of  Christ  and  his  ministers  in  the  present 
day,  and  was  rather  humbled,  as  I  ought  to  be,  that  I  did 
not  feel  a  burning  zeal  for  the  salvation  of  the  poor  Lolworth 
people,  which  would  make  it  sweet  to  preach  the  gospel. 
In  prayer  at  night,  at  whatever  part  of  myself  I  looked,  an 
immense  change  seemed  to  be  necessary. 

Feb.  5.  (Sunday.)  In  preaching  at  Lolworth  was  more 
serious  than  usual,  and  felt  an  earnest  desire  to  persuade 
them  to  commit  their  souls  to  Christ.  During  my  ride  home 
I  was  much  depressed  by  reflecting  on  their  extreme  igno- 
rance ;  yet  through  the  miserable  perverseness  of  my  heart, 
instead  of  pitying  them,  I  felt  the  strongest  dislike  to  going 
to  Lolworth,  or  to  any  such  kind  of  work.  What  a  spirit 
for  a  missionary  !  But  I  looked  up  steadily  to  Christ,  and 
though  the  prospect  of  such  uncomfortable  ministerial  la- 
bors damped  my  spirits,  yet  I  encouraged  myself  with  the 
examples  of  Christ  and  his  wise  and  holy  serA'ants,  now  with 
him  in  glory,  who  once  passed  their  lives  in  such  services. 
I  considered  too  that  such  difhculties  were  beforehand  to  be 
expected,  and  that,  unless  I  suffered  with  him,  I  should  not 
reign  with  him. 

Feb.  6.  All  my  prayers  should  be  full  of  important  peti- 
tions, and  should  be  attended  with  so  much  diligence,  as  to 
make  me  remember  the  subjects  of  them,  and  wait  for  an- 
swers. Yet  I  scarcely  remember  about  what  I  prayed  this 
morning.  At  dinner  to-day  I  fell  again  into  that  self-indul- 
gence which  I  determine  to  avoid.  Want  of  self-denial  in 
the  little  things  which  concern  the  body,  (fee,  unspeakably 
enervates  the  soul,  and  wounds  the  conscience.  I  sat  down 
in  the  evening  to  read  the  Scriptures  for  my  own  comfort, 
and  was  able  to  give  many  hours  to  it  uninterruptedly.  How 
unspeakably  awful  is  the  latter  part  of  Mark  ix.  Oh  !  have 
I  considered  what  it  is  to  be  in  hell  for  ever,  and  that  my  sins 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  57 

really  deserve  hell  ?  Oh  Holy  Spirit !  decide  my  mind  when 
it  is  doubtful.  Let  me  perceive  how  rich  the  mercy  is  for 
me  to  be  permitted  to  flee  from  the  wrath  to  come.  Let  me 
see  how  slight  are  the  trials  I  am  called  to  endure  for  the 
gospel's  sake.  And  let  the  ministerial  work  to  w^iich  I  often 
have  carnal  objections,  be  my  dear  delight. 

Feb.  7.  Walked  with  Mr.  S,,  who  advised  me  not  to  preach 
extempore  yet,  so  I  shall  desist  *  *  *  j^jy 

soul  trembles  often,  lest  my  repentance  should  not  be  deep  ^ 
enough,  or  lest  my  sins  should  be  unpardonable.  But  the 
blood  of  Jesus  Christ  cleanseth  from  all  sin  ;  and  if  there  is 
any  state  of  mind  I  desire,  it  is  not  joy,  but  grief ;  for  then  I 
feel  my  footing  surer — am  better  disposed  to  diligence,  sym- 
pathy, and  heavenly-mindedness. 

Feb.  8.  Prepared  for  the  evening  in  a  more  cheerful  spirit. 
But  anxiety  on  that  account  (constantly)  damped  those  sweet 
and  heavenly  thoughts  which,  at  intervals,  arose  in  my  mind. 
Even  this  condition  is  infinitely  preferable  to  that  of  those 
whose  minds  are  discontented  in  the  pursuit  of  dangerous 
trifles ;  whereas  my  trials,  which  either  arise  from  ministerial 
or  Christian  duties,  are  for  my  present  and  eternal  welfare. 
Let  not  the  Lord  be  provoked  at  my  continual  obstinacy ; 
for  I  am  indeed  as  a  bullock  unaccustomed  to  the  yoke  ;  but 
may  He,  by  his  own  gracious  influences,  subdue  my  stubborn 

w^ill.     Drank  tea  at  's.     There  were  so  many  people 

crowded  in  a  very  small  room,  that  my  faculties  were  quite 
clouded.  I  found  great  difficulty  in  explaining  the  first 
chapter  of  Revelation,  and  was  very  unprofitable  ;  and,  what 
was  worse,  my  heart  went  not  forth.  When  I  came  to  the 
part,  *'  to  him  that  loved  us,"  &c.,  where,  if  anywhere,  ray 
tongue  should  have  been  loosed,  I  could  say  nothing ;  and 
it  was  for  want  of  a  contrite  spirit.  When  I  knelt  down  to 
pray,  it  seemed  as  if  I  had  not  a  word  to  say,  yet  I  found 
3* 


58  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

myself  soon  at  ease,  and  particularly  disposed  to  dwell  on 
the  prospect  of  the  world  to  come. 

Feb.  9.  Found  1  had  been  getting  into  shortness  in  prayer. 
How  can  I  expect  the  comforting  and  sanctifying  presence  of 
God,  without  "  watching  unto  prayer  with  all  perseverance  ?" 
At  church  preached  on  "  Enoch  walked  with  God."  0  how 
much  is  contained  in  that  text !  What  holy  breathings  of 
soul,  what  familiarity  with  God  !  What  acquaintance  with 
his  ways  !  It  was  to-day  my  constant  desire,  though  not 
my  attainment,  to  be  truly  humbled  ;  Avithout  this  temper  I 
cannot  pray  aright.  It  is  a  hard  proud  heart,  that  keeps  me 
from  rejoicing  in  God. 

Feb.  10.  In  prayer  (about  this  time,)  I  desired  the  true 
sphit  of  contrition  ;  but  for  want  of  variety  in  expression  for 
prayer  for  this  grace,  my  petitions  slip  through  my  own 
mind  unheeded,  the  words  not  exciting  corresponding  ideas. 
The  subject  I  was  considering  this  morning,  namely,  why  we 
should  sorrow  for  sin  when  it  is  forgiven,  was  very  comfort- 
ing. I  expect  more  profit  yet  from  the  further  prosecution 
of  it. 

Feb.  11.  Enjoyed  much  delight  in  the  happiness  of  a  soul 
bought  with  blood.  I  had  a  more  clear  view  of  the  dispen- 
sation of  redemption  than  ever,  and  felt  also  assured  of  fu- 
ture glory.  How  trifling  then  did  all  expected  difficulties 
appear  !  though  these  happy  moments  soon  passed  away,  yet 
blessed  be  the  Lord  for  them.  Such  Elim  refreshments  en- 
courage me  to  urge  my  dreary  way  with  speed  through  the 
wilderness. 

Feb.  12.  Had  some  desires  in  prayer  for  the  good  of  ray 
Lolworth  people.  On  my  ride  thither,  I  was  in  general  able 
to  cleave  to  God,  though  sorrowful,  and  to  be  unconcerned 
about  the  comforts  or  distresses  of  the  body.  Preached  on 
the  parable  of  the  Publican  and  Pharisee,  a  written  sermon, 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  59 

clear,  and  generally,  I  believe,  understood.  Before  the 
sermon  I  had  prayed  as  in  a  void  and  barren  place,  to  which 
God  would  not  vouchsafe  his  presence,  but  now  I  rode  away 
in  a  more  cheerful  mood. 

Feb.  13.  I  took  my  walk  in  great  distress  about  my  want 
of  preparation  for  the  evening  ;  yet  I  put  my  trust  in  God, 
and  seemed  to  feel  a  spark  of  grace  amidst  all  these  billows 
of  corruption  and  trouble.  Indeed  I  seem  used  to  these  trials, 
and  the  remembrance  of  past  assistance  helps  me  onvrard. 
When  shall  I  minister  with  a  heavenly  sweetness  in  my  own 
heart  ?  when  shall  I  have  high  and  exalted  views  of  this 
glorious  ministration  of  the  Spirit  ?  In  prayer  at  night,  I 
had  a  solemn  sense  of  the  presence  of  God,  and  was  conscious 
that  he  heard  me. 

Feb.  14.  I  enjoyed  for  a  while  the  liberty  of  being  disen- 
gaged, but  it  had  the  effect  of  leading  my  heart  astray.  Sat 
down  to  read  at  last,  with  a  more  serious  sobriety  of  mind. 
0  what  happiness  is  there  in  a  heart  weaned  from  the  world, 
and  undisturbed  by  its  perplexing  vanities  !  But  I  am  very 
far  from  a  steady  enjoj^ment  of  these  things.     In  prayer  at 

the  society,  and  with afterwards,  found  to  my  sorrow, 

that  I  am  acquiring  an  unthinking  fluency.  0  let  me  learn 
to  watch  my  spirit,  and  seek  to  pray  in  secret,  earnestly,  in  a 
heart-searching  manner  ! 

Feb.  15.  Read  this  morning  Kichener's  account  of  his 
success  in  Africa.  I  felt  a  happy  delight  arising  from  the 
account.  Omitted  one  of  the  parties  (which  I  had  in  a  man- 
ner promised  to  attend),  thinking  it  right  to  appropriate  more 
time  to  myself.  I  had  some  little  doubt  whether  I  was 
doing  right,  but  begged  of  God  that  I  might  improve  the 
time  I  had  taken  for  myself.  Began  to  think  upon  Mark 
viii.  34,  but  spent  several  hours  in  vain  attemps  to  define  the 
extent  of  self-denial,  and  to  define  it  at  all.     Alas  !  the  days 


60  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

that  I  lose  !  I  am  an  unprofitable  servant,  Lord,  teacli  me  to 
redeem  my  time, 

Feb.  16.  Breakfasted  with  M.  and  B.  ;  but  though  I  had 
solemnly  engaged  in  prayer,  with  a  sense  of  the  importance 
of  a  deep  seriousness,  and  earnest  improvement  of  the  talent 
of  conversation,  I  was  neither  profitable  nor  sober-minded. 
Prayed  over  the  promises  in  Isaiah  xli.  xlii.  xliii. 

Feb.  17.  I  rejoiced  that  God  had  made  this  life  a  time  of 
trial.  To  climb  the  steep  ascent,  to  run,  to  fight,  to  wrestle, 
was  the  strong  desire  of  my  heart.  I  was  sometimes  in 
doubt,  whether  this  were  not  merely  the  vain  and  proud 
spirit  of  the  heathen  sages  ;  but  passages  enough  of  scripture 
occured  to  remind  me,  that  the  spirit  of  the  gospel  was  self- 
denying.  As  I  walked  afterwards,  this  temper  still  remained. 
All  those  duties  from  which  I  usually  shrunk,  seemed  but  re- 
creations ;'  and  the  sight  of  the  vaulted  roof  of  azure,  bid  me 
aspire  to  reach  it  by  treading  in  the  footsteps  of  Christ.  At 
five,  went  to  Mr.  P.'s,  and  without  clearness  spoke  to  them 
on  "  Thy  will  be  done."  Went  away  feeling  the  iniquity  of 
my  hol)^  things  ;  for  though  fluent  in  prayer,  I  found  myself 
unimpressed  with  the  ordinance  at  which  I  had  been  minis- 
tering. 

Feb.  18.  In  prayer  at  noon  interceded  seriously  for  the 
people  at  Lolworth.  I  prayed  particularly  that  I  might  take 
delio;ht  in  beinor  with  them,  and  wait  in  faith  for  the  time 
when  this  wilderness  should  begin  to  blossom.  In  my  walk 
had  too  much  lightness  of  spirit. 

Feb.  19.  (Sunday.)  Many  happy  and  heavenly  thoughts 
were  kept  out  of  my  mind,  by  reading  at  church  instead  of 
praying  there.  Preached  at  Lolworth  on  Ezek.  xxxvii.  11 — 
13,  but  not  intelligibly,  and  without  animation.  The  two 
families  on  whom  I  called  afterwards  seemed  incapable  of 
comprehending    or  attending  to  any  saving  tmths.     Alas  ! 


1804. J       OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  61 

how  can  I  expect  they  should  feel  life  from  my  preaching, 
if  I  have  it  not  myself !  Yet  I  feel  disposed  to  labor  in 
prayer  for  improvement. 

Feb.  20.  I  fomid,  after  dinner,  the  presence  of  my  God  in 
prayer ;  how  great  is  his  mercy,  that  without  any  particular 
meditation  or  reading,  he  permitted  me  to  speak  freely,  and 
to  look  off  for  a  time  from  those  concerns,  even  of  a  relictions 
kind,  which,  through  my  weakness,  either  of  knowledge  or 
faith,  often  distress  and  burden  me  !  After  giving  the  after- 
noon to  the  subject,  I  went  very  cheerfully  to  Mr.  Phillips's, 
and  spoke  on  the  subject  of  temptation,  from  the  words, 
"  God  did  tempt  Abraham."  Stammered  out  some  very  un- 
intelligible things,  which  did  not  seem  at  all  to  engage  their 
attention.  Went  away  humbled  and  grieved  at  the  iniquity 
of  my  holy  tilings. 

Feb.  21.  Finding  it  impossible  to  prepare  for  the  evening, 

I  went  to  request  S to  go  in  my  stead,  but  he  was  out 

of  town.  This  was  some  vexation  to  me ;  yet  I  endeavored 
to  make  it  an  occasion  of  faith,  for  I  thought,  that  if  I  were 
going  about  the  work  of  God,  he  would  give  me  grace  to  \ 

perform  it.     W called  on  me  to  walk,  but  as  my  heart 

was  heavy,  I  could  not  introduce  with  success  any  religious 
topic ;  but  rather,  I  fear,  betrayed  a  satirical  temper,  which 
I  detest,  conceiving  it  to  be  the  most  opposite  to  a  Christian 
temper  of  any.  *         *         *         *  O  let  me  live  in 

a  holy  superiority  to  those  earthly  things,  which  would  tempt 
me  to  sin  by  producing  anger !  Never  a  day  comes  without 
annoyances.  Every  day  my  will  is  thwarted.  Let  these 
trials  but  issue  in  my  sanctification,  and  I  will  welcome  them 
all.  I  trust  and  hope,  that  from  them  I  have  learned  in  a 
great  degree  the  evil  of  sin,  a  humbled  and  tender  spirit,  and 
a  subjugation  of  the  will  to  God.  Yet  amid  these  trials  of 
my  faith  and  patience,  my  walk  is  not  close  with  God,  as  far 
as  it  regards  the  manifestations  of  his  presence.     I  seem  to 


62  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

pray  to  a  God  not  angry,  but  indifferent  about  my  prayers. 

This  I  know  to  be  occasioned  by  my  not  reading  Scripture 

enough  for  myself ;    for  if  I  were  in  company  with  another 

being,  I   should   not  be  much  the   better  for  his  presence, 

however  much  I  might  speak  to  him,  unless  I  were  to  hear 

his  voice. 

Feb.  23.  Stayed  up  so  late  last  night,  that  I  could  rise  but 

just  in  time  to  receive  C to  breakfast ;  but  it  was  neither 

a  time  of  profitable  conversation,  nor  an  exercise  to  me  of  a 

heavenly  temper.     After  he  was  gone,  I  sat  down  to  read  a 

newspaper,  foi'getful  of  having  had  no  prayer ;  and  though  I 

/recollected  this  in  the  middle  of  it,  I  continued  readino-  think- 

f  •  •  1  . 

j  ing  with  myself,  that  I  might  as  well  finish,  and  so  have  done 

'(  with  it.  In  prayer  afterwards,  I  hardly  knew  in  what  man- 
ner to  approach  God,  and  how  to  address  him.  I  could  not 
dare  to  confess  the  sinfulness  of  that,  which,  if  I  confessed  it, 
would  be  a  profession  of  my  hf^ving  deliberately  disobeyed 
the  dictates  of  my  conscience  the  moment  before ;  which  I 
was  not  convinced  that  I  had. 

Feb.  24.  Rose  at  half-past  five  with  great  difficulty,  and 
after  a  lono^  deliberation,  so  little  have  I  been  in  the  habit 
lately  of  not  listening  to  the  body.  In  prayer,  new  and  orig- 
inal subjects  of  petition  seemed  to  open  before  me. 

I  was  quite  overcome  with  sleep  in  the  evening,  till  on 
going  to  prayer  I  recovered  myself ;  but  my  prayers,  though 
generally  four  times  a  day  at  least,  are  very  poor  and  short. 
I  do  not  engage  in  the  duty  unwillingly,  but  I  am  satisfied 
with  a  narrow  and  short  transition  from,  things  temporal  to 
things  eternal, 

Feb.  26.  (Sunday.)  Strove  to  maintain  such  a  sense  of 
the  blessedness  of  the  Sabbath,  of  the  composure  of  mind 
which  becomes  me,  of  the  excellence  of  preaching  the  gos- 
pel, of  the  earnest  desire  it  behoves  me  to  feel  for  the  salva- 
tion of  souls,  as  I  knew  I  ought  to  feel,  and  then  did  feel. 


1804. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  63 

On  my  ride  to  Lol  worth,  was  more  right  in  spirit  than  I  have 
been  for  some  lime  past.  The  inclemency  of  the  weather 
affected  me  less ;  I  fomid  the  presence  of  God  in  my  heart, 
with  which  I  felt  that  the  most  dark  and  dreary  place  would 
be  pleasant.  I  offered  up  my  prayers  also  for  the  poor  peo- 
ple to  whom  I  was  going  ;  but  alas !  my  desires  for  their 
salvation  were  so  small,  that  I  ought  to  be  ashamed  to  men- 
tion them,  and  grieved  before  God.  Preached  on  the  para- 
ble of  the  lost  sheep ;  a  blessed  subject !  yet  my  manner  of 
writing  and  speaking  made  it,  I  am  afraid,  of  liltle  use ;  but 
I  prayed  that  God  would  not  make  my  weakness  a  reason  of 
its  not  profiting  them.  I  thought  it  right  to  accept  an  invi- 
tation to  drink  tea  with   Mr. at  Lolworth,  in  hope  of 

being  able  to  conciliate  him. 

Mr.  Simeon's  sermon  this  evening,  on  Ezek.  xxxvi.  32,  was 
very  humihating  to  me.  The  hymn  before  the  sermon,  in 
behalf  of  ministers,  seemed  to  draw  down  a  blessing  at  the 
time  upon  my  soul. 

Feb.  27.  Very  narrow  in  my  petitions  this  morning  ;  chiefly 
on  one  point,  that  my  business  might  not  confuse  my  thoughts, 
and  lead  me  away  from  God,  which  I  think  was  answered. 
During  my  walk  I  felt  an  aching  void.  My  heart  was  not 
forcing  itself  from  God's  service,  or  to  sin  ;  but  it  was  unable 
to  find  any  subject  of  desire,  or  fear,  or  occasion  of  prayer, 
except  that  light  and  earnestness  might  be  given  me.  This 
extreme  emptiness  must  be  owing,  I  think,  to  not  reading' 
more  of  his  word  in  private  devotion,  which  I  have  deter- 
mined to  do ;  for  it  is  a  duty  superior  to  the  duties  of  the 
ministry,  which  indeed  I  cannot  perform  well  without  it. 
Yet  the  pressure  of  business  tempts  me  to  shorten  the  time 
which  ought  to  be  devoted  to  God.  After  dinner,  found  a 
few  moments  of  prayer  produce  a  blessed  effect  in  recalling 
my  mind. 

Feb.  29.  Employed  about  my  sermon  all  leisure  hours. 


64  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

I  was  more  serious  than  for  some  time,  and  during  my  walk, 
felt  and  lamented  the  evil  of  faithless  prayers,  and  irreverent 
ejaculations. 

March  1.  During  my  walk  I  had  not  humiliation  enough 
to  be  happy,  but  yet  I  was  so  impressed  Avith  the  necessity 
of  self-denial,  that  no  further  difficulty  terrified  me. 

March  2.  At  night  about  my  sermon,  read  the  latter  end 
of  Revelations,  and  so  very  lively  was  the  impression  on  my 
mind,  that  I  was  often  in  tears.  So  awful,  so  awakening  is 
this  book  to  me  !  Prayed  with  more  fervor  than  I  have  done 
of  late,  and  went  to  bed  full  of  the  sense  of  the  importance 
of  eternal  things. 

March  6.  In  the  morning  I  sought  to  rouse  myself  to 
greater  earnestness  in  prayer.  It  was  my  earnest  desire  to 
walk  in  the  fear  of  God's  holy  name,  and  to  have  a  more 
awful  alarm  about  my  state,  and  to  dread  his  displeasure. 
Looked  at  an  iron  foundry  in  Wall's  Lane :  the  fierce  fire 
raised  many  solemn  ideas  of  God's  power,  and  of  hell. 

March  7.  At  church  this  morning  I  began  to  read  the 
service  with  the  most  daring  indifference,  as  if  it  were  a  loss 
of  time,  not  regarding  the  presence  of  that  great  God  before 
whom  I  ministered ;  but  afterwards  he  had  mercy  on  me, 
and  taught  me  to  tremble ;  reflected  that  I  could  never  be 
more  profitably  employed  than  in  doing  his  will,  and  if  that 
called  me  out  of  doors,  it  was  my  duty  to  enjoy  his  presence 
wherever  I  went.  Composed  some  poetry  during  my  walk, 
which  often  has  a  tendency  to  divert  my  thoughts  from  the 
base  distractions  of  this  life,  and  to  purify  and  elevate  it  to 
higher  subjects. 

On  my  return  to  my  rooms,  read  Hopkins  with  great  de- 
li o-ht,  and  felt  disposed  to  find  all  my  happiness  in  prayer, 
readino-  God's  word,  and  in  the  work  .of  the  ministry.  O 
may  these  motions  of  the  good  Spirit  of  God  never  be  taken 
away,  through  the  wickedness  of  my  own  heart !  but  what 


1804. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  65 

wonders  of  long-suffering  and  of  grace  do  I  experience  from 
God  every  day ! 

March  8.  My  mind  was  too  mucli  engaged  in  the  compo- 
sition of  poetry,  which  I  found  to  leave  me  far  short  of  that 
sweetness  I  seemed  in  a  frame  to  enjoy.  Yet  on  the  spot 
where  I  have  often  found  the  presence  of  God,  the  spirit  of 
prayer  returned ;  but  I  never  continue  long  enough  in  the 
exercise  of  it  to  profit  rnuch.  Prayed  with  fervor  and  sin- 
cerity, I  hope,  for  myself,  lest  envy  should  arise  in  my 
wretched  heart.         *  *  *         j  could  not  have  be- 

lieved but  that  I  was  next  to  perfectly  indifferent  about 
worldly  honor ;  but  I  was  now  convinced  of  the  contrary. 
Alas !  how  much  more  ready  and  disposed  am  I  to  prefer  in 
myself  intellectual  attainments  to  moral,  and  more  willing  to 
allow  my  own  inferiority  in  this  latter  rather  than  in  the  for- 
mer !  In  my  endeavors  to  rise  beyond  the  mean  vanities  of 
human  glory,  my  soul  enjoyed  many  precious  thoughts  of 
eternity ;  and  thus  I  perceive,  how  every  disquiet  operates 
for  the  good  of  God's  children,  by  stirring  them  up  to  pray. 
Oh  how  rich  the  mercy,  to  have  one  to  whom  to  apply  for 
deliverance  from  these  malignant  passions !  and  how  needful 
is  purification  from  the  filthiness  of  the  spirit !  I  have  seldom 
considered  myself  as  even  liable  to  envy.  I  feel  considerable 
pain  at  being  surpassed  in  learning  or  abilities  by  those  of 
the  same  age,  but  little  or  none  at  my  inferiority  in  moral 
acquirements.  That  this  is  the  fact  I  cannot  doubt,  if  I  know 
my  own  mind.  How  is  it  to  be  accounted  for  ?  The  man- 
ner most  favorable  to  myself,  in  which  I  should  account  for 
it,  is  that  any  body  may  advance  as  far  as  he  will  in  moral 
endowments,  but  not  so  in  intellectual ;-  and  the  value  of  the 
object  is  enhanced  by  the  difficulty  of  attaining  it. 

March  9.  I  read  Smith  on  the  **  Sacred  Office,"  and  ac- 
quired many  awakening  and  quickening  impressions  from  that 
work.     I  trust  that  it  will  be  blest  by  God  to  my  good  ;  for 


6Q  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804 

I  felt  many  desires  of  being  truly  a  man  of  prayer  and  lieav- 
enly-mindedness.  Henceforth  may  I  be  so,  but  at  present  I 
am  a  poor  creature.  Blind,  yet  believing,  I  see  ;  almost  dead, 
yet  believing,  I  live. 

March  10.  Rose  in  a  temper  of  calmness,  but  passed  my 
leisure  hours  unprofitably,  for  want  of  exerting  myself  more. 
The  conviction  of  my  unprofitableness  stirred  me  up  to  pray 
with  some  earnestness  over  part  of  1  Timothy,  but  it  so  dwelt 
upon  my  mind  during  my  whole  walk,  that  I  could  not  raise 
my  heart  to  God  with  any  delight. 

On  my  favorite  spot,  the  scene  of  many  sacred  thoughts, 
my  Bethel,  into  which  I  hope  never  to  enter  without  a  holy 
awe,  and  never  to  leave  without  a  blessing,  I  knelt  down  and 
prayed  for  relief  to  my  soul.  I  think  my  prayer  was  an- 
swered, for  I  found  myself  more  at  peace. 

March  15.  In  the  morning  I  got  on  in  my  sermon  with 
ease,  and  found  the  subject  of  unbelief  attended  with  a  bless- 
mg  to  myself.  The  passages  adduced  to  obviate  unbelief, 
were  so  influential  upon  my  mind,  that  I  found  myself  drawn 
nearer  to  God,  and  able  to  walk  with  him  in  tranquillity. 
Oh,  what  an  incitement  to  holiness  is  it,  that  in  no  one  case 
is  it  right  to  depart  from  God  ! 

Whether  from  negligence  or  necessary  business,  I  had  no 
reading  of  God's  word  all  the  day.  This  is  an  evil  that  must 
be  remedied,  though  I  hardly  know  how  to  effect  it.  Public 
ministrations  take  up  my  time  and  thoughts  too  much,  though 
too  little  of  my  heart.  I  ought  to  make  my  own  soul's  in- 
crease of  grace  and  love  to  God  my  great  and  primary  con- 
cern, and  to  leave  my  outward  ministrations  to  Him,  whom 
I  ma}^  safely  trust  to  for  assistance,  if  I  walk  strictly  in  his 
ways.  I  often  regret  that  I  am  not  a  private  Christian  ;  but 
when  I  was,  my  soul  was  not  fixed  on  spiritual  things,  even 
as  it  is  now. 

March  17.  I  had  many  careful  thoughts  and  unbelieving 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  67 

fears  in  my  walk,  and  found  great  difficulty  in  getting  on 
in  my  sermon,  and  great  interruption,  and  much  fatigue 
and  dislike  to  the  service  of  Christ ;  but  looked  up  to 
heaven  for  support,  and  repeated  those  words,  "I  know, 
that  for  my  name's  sake  thou  hast  labored,  and  hast  not 
fainted." 

March  19.  All  the  morning  I  was  with :,  and  went 

away  in  great  sorrow  ;  but  in  prayer  I  again  and  again  pro- 
fessed to  resign  all  my  will  to  God,  and  in  that  spirit  to 
wait  for  the  manifestation  of  his.  The  rest  of  this  after- 
noon I  was  continually  tempted  to  misery  and  unbelief  in 
departing  from  God ;  but  by  ejaculatory  prayer  I  kept  my  \ 
ground. 

Read  some  chapters  in  Exodus  afterwards,  and  had  my 
heart  solemnly  impressed  with  the  mighty  power  of  God. 
On  the  whole,  though  I  have  studied  little,  and  done  nothing 
for  the  good  of  others,  I  have  found  it  an  occasion  of  show- 
ing me  the  love  and  power  of  God.  These  faint  glimmer- 
ings of  the  knowledge  of  God,  make  me  desire  to  know  him 
more,  and  to  long  after  that  life  where  I  shall  know  even  as 
I  am  known. 

March  20.  My  spirit  groans  at  my  unprofitableness.  For 
want  of  study,  and  diligence  in  redeeming  time,  my  mind  is 
empty  and  unsatisfied.  Stayed  an  hour  with ,  and  em- 
ployed the  rest  of  the  morning  in  writing  and  reading  from 
"  Edwards  on  the  Affections,"  without  gaining  any  knowl- 
edge. Have  not  yet  got  into  its  spirit.  In  my  walk,  my 
heart   was  not  fixed  upon    God,  nor   upon  anything  else. 

After  dinner,  was  with till  four,  then  I  sat  with  a  party 

at  Mr.  Simeon's  till  seven,  then  with  my  pupil  till  ten.  Thus 
the  day  was  passed,  no  scripture  read,  seldom  in  prayer 
to  God,  no  poor  people  visited,  no  knowledge  gained  in 
a  day  wdiich  should  have  been  taken  up  in  right  and  im- 


68  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

proving  exercises,  as  I  had  no  particular  engagement.  How 
angry  I  feel  at  myself !  and  I  hardly  know  for  what.  I  can 
hardly  tell  how  to  reform  my  mode  of  life,  so  as  to  gain 
time.  But  earnestly  does  my  soul  long  to  live  a  life  of  piety 
and  prayer. 

March  21.  Resolved  to  set  apart  the  chief  part  of  this 
day  for  solemn  prayer  and  humiliation.  But  through  inter- 
ruptions, I  could  not  begin  till  half-after  ten,  when  my  soul 
so  tasted  the  sweetness  of  religion  and  prayer,  that  as  soon 
as  I  opened  my  mouth,  my  heart  was  full ;  and  for  half  an 
hour  I  enjoyed  great  abstraction  from  the  world,  and  near- 
ness to  God.  But  at  eleven  I  read  prayers  at  church,  not 
with  such  devotion  as  I  expected,  but  during  an  hour  and  a 
half,  which  I  passed  afterwards  in  reading  scripture  and 
prayer,  I  found  my  heart  hard  and  bitter,  not  only  at  being 
so  little  disposed  to  pray  for  my  people  at  Lolworth,  but  at 
the  necessity  of  my  loving  them,  and  of  laboring  and  praying 
for  them.  Alas  !  I  must  have  far,  far  more  love  to  souls 
before  1  dare  go  abroad. 

March  22.   G breakfasted  with  me,  and  stayed  all 

the  morning,  telling  me  about  India.  During  my  walk  my 
sermon  began  to  open  before  me,  and  I  returned  home  cheer- 
ful, and  desiring  to  be  always  happy  by  trusting  God.  At 
night  I  read  to  my  bed-maker,  and  prayed  somewhat  so- 
lemnly, and  in  private  afterwards  with  some  fervor,  in  the 
conviction  of  my  unprofitableness. 

March  23.  Coming  away  from  the  poor-house,  I  found 
people  quarrelling  in  the  street,  to  Avhich  I  presently  put  a 
stop  ;  but  it  is  painful  to  reflect,  with  what  unconcern  I  daily 
witness  the  sin  and  misery  of  my  fellow-creatures. 

March  24.  My  prayer  this  morning,  as  every  morning  for 
some  time,  has  been  almost  wholly  for  seriousness  and  so- 
briety of  mind.     Passed  a  long  time  with .     Thus  my 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  69 

hours  are  lost,  my  mind  is  unimproved,  and  jet  it  is  an  im- 
perious call  of  duty.  May  the  Lord  take  care  of  me,  and 
order  all  things  for  my  good. 

March  26.  In  private  prayer,  prayed  that  my  past  un- 
profitableness might  not  lead  away  my  wretched  heart  from 
God,  nor  discourage  me  from  holding  on  my  way.  Read 
"  Fletcher's  portrait "  for  an  hour  with  great  profit,  and 
prayed  after  it  in  deeper  sense  of  my  own  meanness,  and  my 
utter  unworthiness  of  the  work  of  the  ministry.  *  * 

*  *  I  act  in  this  business  in  conformity  to  the  will  of 
God,  according  to  the  best  of  my  judgment ;  yet  thus  my 
time  passed  unimproved,  but  I  must  patiently  submit  to  it ; 
at  night  I  drew  near  to  God  in  prayer,  and  felt  disposed 
thankfully  to  labor  in  all  earnestness  and  simplicity,  to  call 
ray  poor  fellow- creatures  to  Christ. 

March  30.  Read  in  chapel,  and  finished  my  sermon,  with 
my  mind  somewhat  solemnly  impressed  with  the  subject  of 
it.  At  church  I  strove  to  profit  by  the  sermon,  which  I  did, 
for  I  went  away  very  desirous  of  imitating  the  faith  of 
Abraham.  But  alas  !  when  the  trials  of  faith  come,  as  they 
do  every  day,  I  am  seldom  aware,  and  seldom  act  worthily. 
Before  evening  church,  I  had  a  few  profitable  moments  in 
prayer,  which  had  its  effect  during  the  whole  evening  ser- 
vice.    I  long  for  communion  with  the  blessed  God. 

March  31.  I  retained  the  serious  impressions  of  the  morn- 
ing prayer.  After  dinner,  began  to  pray  with  great  fervor, 
and  found  my  eyes  open  soon  upon  the  invisible  world.  I 
continued  so  in  great  freedom  and  earnestness  rather  more 
than  half  an  hour,  but  oh,  I  could  live  for  ever  in  prayer,  if 
I  could  always  in  it  speak  to  God  !  At  the  end  felt  a  great 
fear  of  forgetting  the  presence  of  God,  and  of  leaving  him 
as  soon  as  I  should  leave  the  posture  of  devotion.  My  mind 
was  strongly  impressed  with  that  wonderful  sight  of  the  in- 


70  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

visible  things  which  the  behever  is  made  to  receive  ;  and  I 
was  eager  to  read  what  Dr.  Watts  has  written  on  the  hidden 
hfe.  I  was  exceedingly  delighted  with  it,  as  it  cleared  my 
mind,  and  raised  my  thoughts  more  to  a  steady  behef  of  the 
spiritual  life.  Drank  tea  with  Mr.  Simeon,  and  was  much 
struck  and  edified  by  his  account  of  God's  providence,  in 
bringing  him  first  to  his  church. 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  71 


CHAPTEK   IV. 

April  1 .  Was  prevented  by  one  thing  and  another,  from 
being  any  considerable  time  in  prayer,  which  I  endeavor  to  [ 
regard  as  a  visit  to  the  invisible  world.  In  the  morning  ser- 
vice I  was  not  abstracted  from  the  world,  except  at  a  few 
passing  intervals.  In  the  sacrament  I  had  to  lament  the  want 
of  a  broken  heart,  and  in  my  private  prayers  at  the  time,  I 
seemed  to  be  speaking  in  a  crowd,  so  that  I  could  think  of 
nothing  distinctly. 

April  2.  In  my  walk  I  found  myself,  as  far  as  I  could 
judge,  entirely  disposed  to  obey  the  will  of  God  in  what- 
ever manner  he  might  order  it,  having  particularly  in  my 
mind . 

April  4.  Somewhat  in  a  rejoicing  frame,  at  the  remem- 
brance of  what  God  had  done  for  me  by  Christ  and  his 
Spirit.  I  longed  for  that  heaven,  where  I  should  be  per- 
fectly pure  and  active.  I  sat  and  read  the  last  chapter  of 
Revelation. 

April  5.  Walked  with ,  but  mj  mind  was  not  dis- 
posed by  communion  with  God  for  spiritual  conversation,  for 
he  called  before  the  time  of  my  prayer.  Was  extremely 
edified  by 's  sermon  at  Trinity  Church,  both  in  my  pri- 
vate and  public  capacity.  I  was  ashamed  and  grieved  at 
writino-  and  havinor  written,  such  sermons,  after  hearing  his 
truly  religious  gravity. 

April  6.  Walked  with  G ,  but  having  had  no  prayer 

immediately  before  going  out,  I  could  not  converse  with  ease 
and  cordiality,  though  I  wished  it. 


72  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

April  7.  In  my  walk  could  not  get  near  God ;  want  of 

reading  Scripture  is  tlie  reason  of  this  strangeness.     H 

and  S sat  with  me  till  past  seven  ;  from  dinner  time  our 

conversation  was  such,  that  I  did  not  think  the  time  spent  in 

vain.     Went  to  Mrs.  T ,  who  was  apparently  dying.     It 

was  of  no  use  to  read,  they  said  ;  so  I  spoke  to  her,  begging 
her  to  cast  herself  simply  upon  Jesus. 

April  8.  In  my  prayer  this  morning,  as  for  some  time 
past,  I  could  easily  find  myself  alone  with  God,  but  failed  in 
topics  of  supplication  for  want  of  reading.  Preached  at 
Trinity  Church  without  much  comfort.  Detestable  thoughts 
about  the  opinions  of  men  so  intruded.  During  service  at 
Flight,  and  preaching  at  Trinity  Church,  my  mind  enjoyed 
great  solemnity.  I  find  that  preaching  well,  and  living  well 
in  humihation  and  communion  with  God,  have  no  necessary 
connection.  At  night  in  reading  Rev.  i,  and  ii.  I  had  many 
solemn  and  blessed  thoughts.     To  the  angel  of  the  church 

at  Lolworth  write What  ?     To  that  of  Ephesus  he  said, 

"  I  know  thy  labor  ;"  would  he  say  so  to  me  ?"  I  feel  con- 
vinced, that  I  do  not  labor  in  secret  prayer  for  them.  "  Thou 
hast  left  thy  first  love,"  Alas  !  I  never  did  love  as  I  ought. 
Henceforth  it  is  my  desire  to  know  God,  and  labor  indeed, 
and  enter  deeply  into  this  rich  treasure  of  his  word,  and  to 
grow  in  every  grace. 

April  10.  I  find  that  it  is  my  great  business  to  strive  to 
maintain  a  humble  and  serious  mind,  if  I  would  enjoy  peace 
and  communion  with  God.  Very  often  I  could  see  myself  a 
lost  sinner,  a  debtor  to  mercy  alone.  I  was  happy  and  joy- 
ful. Hoped  and  prayed  that  I  might  strive  by  all  my  con- 
versation to  glorify  Him. 

April  11.  After  a  morning  of  continual  interruptions, 
went  out  with  a  painful  sense  of  a  day  unprofitably  spent. 
Yet  in  my  walk,  by  seeing  myself  a  debtor  to  mercy  alone, 
I  enjoyed  much  tranquillity  and  clearness  of  thought.     At 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  73 

night  I  endeavored  to  suppose  myself  on  my  death-bed,  in 
order  to  see  what  views  I  should  then  have  of  my  conduct 
in  this  business.  What  keeps  me  still  in  a  sort  of  fear  and 
suspense  is,  that  the  result  of  my  dehberations  coincides 
with  my  own  will. 

April  14.  Distressed  about  my  future  plans,  but  by  recol- 
lecting that  whatever  He  ordered  for  me  must  be  for  His  glory 
and  for  my  final  good,  I  recovered  my  quiet,  by  resigning 
myself  and  all  that  concerned  me  into  His  hands ;  in  prayer 
during  my  walk  I  did  the  same,  and  went  away  benefited, 
with  a  desire  to  live  to  God  all  the  day.  In  the  evening, 
from  having  been  more  frequently  in  prayer  to-day  than 
usual,  I  drew  nigh  unto  the  Lord,  and  felt  more  fulness  of 
heart  in  prayer  for  myself  and  others,  though  just  before  it 
I  was  distressed  by  many  fearful  and  unbelieving  thoughts. 
Read  Thess.  iv.  and  v.  with  exceeding  profit,  and  learnt  them 
by  heart. 

April  15.  (Sunday.)  Was  prevented  from  so  much  read- 
ing and  prayer  as  I  wished  to  have,  in  order  to  maintain  the 
impressions  of  last  night.  Read  and  preached  at  Trinity  on 
John  iv.  29.  After  the  evening  service  I  enjoyed  the  bless- 
ing of  peace  and  joy.  Thus  the  Lord  is  always  better  to  me 
than  my  fears,  and  puts  a  new  song  into  my  mouth  Avhen  I 
least  expect  it.  In  the  family  at  night  I  joined  with  great 
freedom  and  delight  in  spiritual  conversation,  and  strove  to 
make  it  profitable  to  some  young  persons  there.  In  prayer 
at  night,  the  self-seeking,  departure  from  God,  and  pride  of 
my  heart  recurred  to  my  recollection,  and  seemed  to  have 
filled  up  the  day.  The  more  attentively  I  consider  my  spirit 
at  any  one  time,  the  more  manifestly  does  my  incessant  prone- 
ness  to  sin  appear  to  my  conscience.  I  solemnly  renounced 
the  world,  and  the  comforts,  even  the  lawful  comforts  of  it, 
before  God  this  night,  that  I  might  be  entirely  his  servant. 
This  was  accompanied  with  some  degree  of  melancholy,  as 
4 


74  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

if  I  were  about  to  be  a  loser  by  it ;  but  I  was  made  to  per- 
ceive the  pride  and  ignorance  of  supposing  I  bad  made  any 
sacrifice.  The  remembrance  of  what  1  had  done  to  deserve 
destruction,  and  a  view  of  the  superlative  excellence  and 
glory  of  being  the  servant  of  God,  and  having  him  for  my 
only  portion,  soon  made  me  thankful  at  having  made  a  happy 
exchange. 

April  18.  The  whole  of  the  evening,  till  a  late  hour,  T  was 
engaged  in  v/riting  a  few  lines  for  the  Seatonian  Prize.  I 
regard  this  exercise  as  a  lawful  pleasure,  but  I  was  employed 
with  rather  too  great  avidity,  and  the  mind,  after  it  has  been 
accustomed  to  fiction  and  pleasures  of  the  imagination,  returns 
unwillingly  even  to  the  most  important  reahties. 

April  19.  H breakfasted  with  me,  but  I  could  not 

converse  with  freedom ;  indeed  I  had  the  utmost  difl&culty  to 
keep  the  poem  out  of  my  head,  both  now  and  in  the  morning 

before  prayer.     Heard  an  impressive  sermon  from on 

"  I  have  fought  a  good  fight,"  &c.  0  !  I  felt  that  I  had 
never  been  fighting,  never  running.  At  moments  indeed  I 
have  been  stirred  up  to  begin  the  struggle ;  but  soon,  before 
I  Avas  aware,  I  found  myself  self-indulgent,  and  my  hands 
slack.  In  my  walk  found  great  pleasure  in  thinking  on  the 
subject  of  my  poem ;  and  it  became  such  a  snare,  that  I  was 
unwilHng  to  turn  from  it  to  learn  some  of  the  Scriptures  ;  but 
I  did,  and  found  myself  dehvered,  through  mercy,  from  any 
strong  bias  to  prefer  anything  to  the  service  of  God. 

April  22.  (Sunday.)  During  the  whole  service  in  the 
evening,  my  mind  enjoyed  what  I'esembled  heavenly  sweet- 
ness, but  a  great  deal  of  it  was  carnal.  Saw  that  early  rising, 
I  self-denial,  watchfulness,  and  prayer,  are  necessary  to  awaken 
in  me  more  earnestness  in  leligion. 

April  24.  Rose  with  very  distressing  thoughts,  but  was 
refreshed  and  strengthened  in  faith  by  prayer,  so  that  instead 
of  giving  way  to  an  improper  temper  with  my  pupils,  I  was 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  75 

able  to  be  in  a  more  serious  and  devout  spirit.  Read  with 
attention  Rom,  v.  ;  and  though  I  could  not  fully  make  out 
the  difficult  parts  of  it,  the  overflowings  of  grace  exhibited 
in  it  were  enlivening  to  my  spirit.  The  blessed  sense  of  it 
remained  during  my  walk,  though  I  had  a  great  deal  of  un- 
belief. 

April  25.  My  temper  this  day  has  been  unwatchful.  At 
church,  however,  this  morning,  I  guarded  against  that  sinful 
delusion  of  reading  the  prayers  carelessly,  because  there  were 
but  two  or  three  people,  and  prayed  I  think  earnestly.    Drank 

tea  with  B ,  with  whom  my  conversation  was  as  usual 

entirely  spiritual ;    but  I  w^ent  away  with  reason  to  lament 
how  much  farther  ray  tongue  and  head  go  in  divine  things  J 
than  my  heart. 

April  26.  Woke  in  great  pain  of  body  from  a  violent 
headache  and  great  stupidity  of  mind.  I  scarcely  knew  what 
to  do.  I  could  think  of  no  promise  suitable,  but  repeated 
Rom.  viii.  to  myself  without  much  affection.  Happened  to 
open  "  Paley's  Horce  Paulinee,"  where  he  describes  the  un- 
wearied patience  and  invincible  fortitude  of  St.  Paul.  I  was 
revived  in  spirit.  The  Avhole  train  of  apostles,  and  martyrs, 
and  saints  struggling  for  immortality,  suddenly  passed  in  re- 
view before  my  mind,  and  inflamed  my  heart  with  an  ardent 
desire  to  follow  their  faitli  and  patience,  and  I  prayed  accord- 
ingly. Read  some  of  "  Serle's  Christian  Remembrancer" 
-with  great  serenity  of  mind ;  for  God  had  spoken  comfort  to 
my  soul,  not  by  any  particular  passage  of  Scripture,  but  by 
giving  me  the  thought  that  I  was  alone  with  him.  I  then 
spoke  to  him  as  a  friend,  and  as  all  my  salvation.  It  is  the 
want  of  a  walk  of  faith,  an  assured  hope,  that  brings  on  such 
disquiet  at  the  prospect  of  death.  Let  it  remind  me  to  make 
my  calling  and  election  sure.     0  Eternity  !  Eternity  ! 

April  27.  Was  hindered  from  morning  prayer  three  hours, 
by  pupils  coming,  during  which  time  my  spirit  was  rather 


76  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

hasty,  worldly,  and  -unchristian,  for  want  of  being  set  aright 
by  prayer.  Afterwards  became  calm  and  peaceful,  though 
I  had  not  much  enlargement  in  prayer  from  want  of  time. 
Oh,  what  a  reason  is  this  to  assign,  when  every  moment  of 
my  short  span  of  life  and  of  the  everlasting  duration  of  my 
soul  are  His  !  Yet  I  am  often  tempted  to  shorten  the  times 
of  devotion,  by  supposing  that  duty  calls  me  elsewhere. 

Read  in  the  evening  a  sermon  by  Bostwick,  on  "  We  preach 
not  ourselves,  but  Christ  Jesus  the  Lord,"  every  word  of 
which  cut  deep  into  my  conscience.  I  bless  God  for  send- 
ing me  a  word  of  conviction,  for  I  believe  I  know  little  of 
Chri-st.  In  the  choice  of  subjects  for  sermons,  I  never  hit 
upon  any  which  shall  be  directly  upon  the  work  or  grace  of 
Christ.  There  are  unsearchable  riches  of  Christ,  but  I  know 
little  of  them.  With  the  system  of  doctrine  I  am  acquainted, 
and  find  Christ's  work  my  only  delight,  but  the  want  of 
novelty  in  these  subjects  has  heretofore  often  failed  of  arrest- 
ing my  attention  to  sermons  which  contained  them,  and  there- 
fore makes  me  despair  of  gaining  the  attention  of  my  hearers, 
by  discourses  which  shall  contain  nothing  but  those  topics. 
May  Christ  in  his  mercy  teach  me  better  things !  and  if  it  be 
his  glory  and  the  salvation  of  souls  I  aim  at,  in  wishing  to  fix 
the  attention  of  men.  He  will  instruct  me  accordingly ;  but  if 
not,  if  I  cannot  say  anything  new,  oi  in  a  new  manner,  yet 
"wo  is  me  if  I  preach  not  the  gospel."  I  have  also  never 
labored  as  I  ought ;  no,  not  in  any  degree,  either  in  public  or 
private.  But  now  I  commend  myself  to  God,  and  the  word 
of  his  grace,  beseeching  him  to  show  his  creature  more  of  his 
wickedness  and  ignorance,  and  so  to  reveal  Christ  to  his 
heart,  that  I  may  be  determined  upon  good  grounds  to  know 
nothing  but  Jesus  Christ  and  him  crucified. 

April  29.  (Sunday.)  At  rising,  and  in  prayer,  tried,  not 
without  success,  to  be  alone  with  God,  and  to  have  my  mind 
impressed  with  the  solemn  work  of  preaching  Christ  to  sin- 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  77 

ners.  Preached  at  Stapleford  on  Luke  xv.  4 — 7,  and  suc- 
ceeded by  watchfulness  and  prayer  in  maintaming  steadiness 
and  humility.  In  the  afternoon  preached  on  that  awful  sub- 
ject, Psalm  ix.  17,  and  began  with  some  impression  of  heart, 
but  was  frequently  speaking  as  if  I  was  not  one  of  the  sinners 
I  was  addressing.  In  my  walk  back,  not  being  able  to  intro- 
duce anything  religious,  insensibly  passed  the  whole  time  in 
talking  about  music ;  for  this  my  conscience  suffered  after- 
Vv^ards.  In  prayer  I  found  some  difficulty  in  obtaining  right 
views.  Prepared  myself  during  a  walk  in  the  shrubbery  for 
the  evening,  and  was  blessed  with  many  ardent  desires  after 
an  entire  devotion  to  God,  and  forgetfulness  of  the  world, 

April  30.  B breakfasted  with  me,  but  as  my  mind 

was  not  solemnized  by  sufficient  prayer  beforehand,  a  natural 
spirit  Avas  prevalent.  During  my  walk  I  was  thinking  chiefly 
on  the  text,  "  ^ot  as  the  offence,  so  is  the  free  gift."  I  was 
at  this  time  in  heaviness  on  account  of  the  business  which 
oppresses  me.  I  went  home  and  fled  to  the  throne  of  grace, 
without  which  I  should  be  swallowed  up  with  anguish  at  the 
affliction  into  which  it  has  brought  me,  from  irritation  of 
mind  and  loss  of  time.  In  great  sorrow  I  read  some  of 
Isaiah.  I  can  praise  God  for  this  serious  affliction,  and  beg 
him  to  give  it  its  proper  effect,  but  my  pain  arises  greatly 
from  want  of  time  for  reading  and  prayer,  as  also  from  doubt- 
fulness about  the  will  of  God.  0  may  he  curb  and  subdue 
that  proud  and  angry  spirit  which  often,  and  particularly  to- 
day, has  risen  up  in  indignation  ! 

May  1.  From  twelve  to  one,  C sat  with  me,  to  my 

great  vexation,  as  I  had  not  a  moment  to  lose.  In  my  walk 
I  was  thinking  on  Isaiah  xxxv.  for  the  evening,  and  was  re- 
vived by  it,  though  not  at  peace,  as  when  strong  faith  and 
repentance  are  vouchsafed  to  me.  In  the  evening  grew  bet- 
ter by  reading  Psalm  cxix.,  which  generally  brings  me  into  a 
spiritual  frame  of  mind. 


78  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

May  2.  Walked  out  this  morning  before  breakfast,  and  tbe 
beauties  of  the  opening  spring  constrained  me  to  adoration 
and  praise.  But  no  earthly  object  or  operation  can  produce 
true  spirituality  of  heart.  My  present  failing  is  in  this,  that 
I  do  not  feel  the  power  of  motives.  I  have  not  the  fear  of 
God  before  my  eyes  in  any  degree  as  I  ought,  nor  the  fear 
of  danger  to  my  own  soul.  This  night  in  prayer  I  was  en- 
abled to  see  my  duty,  and  what  is  the  holy,  heavenly,  lowly 
spirit  I  ought  to  maintain,  but  could  not  believe  it  was  a  mat- 
ter of  the  last  importance  to  strive  after  it.  Yet  I  wish  to 
walk  closely  with  God.  0  let  nothing  turn  away  my  thoughts 
from  incessantl}^  prosecuting  this  blessed  work ! 

May  3.  Leisure  time  employed  about  my  sermon,  to  little 
purpose  till  I  walked,  when  my  thoughts  seemed  to  flow 
freely.  -I  received  great  comfort  in  being  able  to  feel  that 
the  keeping  my  own  heart  was  not  only  more  necessary  than 
writing  sermons,  but  the  best  way  to  succeed  in  them. 

May  4.  The  prospect  of  so  much  to  be  done  before  Sun- 
day, would  have  overwhelmed  my  spirits  at  most  times,  but 
God  seems  to  have  strengthened  my  faith  this  day.  I  trusted 
in  him,  and  was  not  confounded,  and  now  will  I  bless  him. 
I  took  my  paper  and  ink  into  the  garden,  looking  up  to  God 
for  assistance,  and  wrote  freely  for  two  hours.  I  find  all  the 
difference  in  writing  out  of  doors,  with  quiet  and  pleasing  ob- 
jects before  my  eyes,  and  within,  where  I  can  do  nothing 
without  closing  my  eyes  upon  the  things  before  me.  If  I 
could  be  always  alone  with  God,  entirely  indifferent  about 
the  opinions  of  men,  but  anxious  only  to  deliver  my  message 
from  him,  and  waiting  for  the  fruits  of  it,  I  should  reach  a 
state  to  which  I  aspire,  but  have  not  attained. 

May  8.  As  soon  as  my  eyes  open  in  the  morning  upon 
this  world,  mere  earthly  thoughts  fill  my  mind  instantly.  It 
is  only  after  prayer  that  I  can  have  my  mind  fastened  upon 
spiritual  things.     To  maintain  a  spiritual  frame  of  mind,  is 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  79 

now  the  subject  of  all  my  petitions,  but  all  my  endeavors 
seem  to  have  as  little  effect  as  a  few  slight  touches  to  a  man 
sleeping,  who  just  half  opens  his  eyes,  and  is  then  asleep 
again.  Or  it  is  like  pushing  an  immense  weight  up  a  hill ; 
if  you  relax  your  efforts,  the  weight  stops,  and  more  than 
stops.  Alas !  how  far  must  the  heart  have  departed  from 
God  by  nature,  when  it  requires  such  incessant  labor  to  keep 
it  with  him,  even  when  the  reason  approves,  and  the  will 
embraces  him  !  Read  some  of  "  Flavel's  Saint  Indeed," 
which  seemed  the  very  book  that  was  suitable  to  my  present 
views. 

May  9.  After  breakfast,  my  spirits  being  a  little  refreshed, 
I  drew  near  to  God  in  prayer,  and  rejoiced  that  I  was  in  his 
hands,  and  that  he  would  order  all  things  for  my  good. 
During  my  walk,  I  was  led  to  think  a  good  deal  on  my  de- 
ficiency in  human  learning,  and  on  my  having  neglected  those 
branches  which  would  have  been  pleasing  and  honorable  in 
the  acquisition.  Yet  I  said,  though  with  somewhat  of  mel- 
ancholy, "  What  things  were  gain  to  me  those  I  counted  loss 
for  Christ."  Though  I  became  less  esteemed  by  man,  I  can- 
not but  think,  [though  it  is  not  easy  to  do  so,]  that  it  must 
be  more  acceptable  to  God  to  labor  for  souls,  though  the 
mind  remains  uninformed  ;  and  consequently,  that  it  must  be 
more  truly  great  and  noble,  than  to  be  great  and  notable 
among  men  for  learning.  In  the  garden  afterwards,  I  re- 
joiced exceedingly  at  the  prospect  of  death  fast  approaching, 
when  my  powers  of  understanding  would  be  enlarged  incon- 
ceivably. They  all  talked  to  me  in  praise  of  my  sermon  on 
Sunday  night,  but  praise  is  exceedingly  unpleasant  to  me, 
because  I  am  slow  to  render  back  to  God  that  glory  which 
belongs  to  him  alone.  Sometimes  it  may  be  useful  in  encour- 
aging me  when  I  want  encouragement,  but  that  at  present  is 
not  the  case,  and  in  truth,  praise  generally  produces  pride, 
and  pride  presently  sets  me  far  from  God. 


80  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

May  10.  My  spirit  groans  within  me  at  the  unprofitable- 
ness of  my  time,  so  much  of  which  passes  every  day  unsatis- 
factorily, generally  through  necessity,  but  sometimes  through 
my  own  carelessness.  Indeed,  if  I  were  careful  to  live  in  the 
spirit  of  watchfulness  and  prayer  at  all  times,  I  should  be 
able  to  improve  the  odd  half  hours.  From  something  I  read 
in  Flavel,  I  was  convinced  of  the  injury  we  do  to  ourselves, 
by  coming  to  God  without  due  meditation  ;  but  this,  instead 
of  inducing  me  to  stir  up  my  soul  to  a  right  frame,  somehow 
made  me  less  anxious.  At  length  I  had  an  hour  to  myself 
in  my  room,  and  I  desired  to  turn  it  to  the  very  best  account. 
I  read  Hopkins  and  the  Greek  Testament,  and  prepared  my- 
self in  a  degree  to  meet  the  Lord.  But  in  it  I  was  not 
properly  engaged,  from  not  seeing  long  time  enough  before 
me.  My.  soul  groans  after  perfect  holiness,  though  my  flesh 
is  slow  to  follow  the  way  to  attain  it. 

May  11.  B.  breakfasted  with  me,  but  for  want  of  sufficient 
morning  prayer,  I  was  not  careful  to  improve  the  conversa- 
tion. 2\Iy  time  being  noAv  so  short,  I  determined  to  give  all 
the  rest  of  the  day  to  acts  of  devotion,  without  going  into 
hall  to  dinner.  So  I  retired  to  the  garden,  and  first  read 
"Flavel's  Saint  Indeed,"  and  one  of  the  Epistles,  and  then 
endeavored  to  order  my  thoughts.  How  dark,  confused,  and 
wandering  were  they.  I  asked  myself  about  what  I  was 
come  to  consider.  I  first  assured  myself,  upon  grounds  which 
I  thought  good,  that  I  was  building  upon  the  right  founda- 
tion, and  then  found  that  my  true  business  was  to  get  my 
heart,  which  has  long  been  destitute  of  clear  views  of  God, 
to  become  more  spiritual.  In  prayer  I  continued  some  time 
with  earnestness,  and  devoted  myself  to  the  service  of  my 
Lord  with  greater  solemnity. 

May  12.  Rose  from  morning  prayer  with  my  soul  breath- 
ing after  holiness.  I  hoped  that  this  day  I  should  keep  my 
leart  with  all  diligence — found  my  spirit  right,  happy  in 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  81 

God,  and  full  of  hope.  Read  some  of  Milner  s  Church  His- 
tory, and  of  Flavel's  Saint  Indeed,  with  great  blessing.     In 

the  afternoon  was  at  a  party  at 's,  Avith  a  party  of  men 

very  familiar,  as  long  known,  though  irreligious.  What  an 
unprofitable  time  it  was,  and  that  through  my  fault  partly, 
and  much  do  I  fear  I  said  many  things  in  a  way  of  wit  to 
provoke  or  offend  one  of  them  there.  Oh  my  soul,  this  is  a 
fearful  sin.  How  different  was  my  conduct  from  the  tender, 
pitying,  humble,  and  serious  deportment  of  a  true  child  of 
God !  Towards  night,  my  heart  declined  in  spirituahty 
.through  want  of  reading  scripture  and  prayer.  But,  oh  that 
I  might  now  truly  begin  to  live  Avith  God,  and  to  God ! 

May  13.  I  was  watchful  this  morning  against  earthly 
thoughts,  and  God  sent  a  blessing  to  my  spirit.  I  enjoyed 
everything,  and  rejoiced  that  I  should  daily  grow  more 
watchful,  with  every  thought  brought  into  captivity  to  the 
obedience  of  Christ.  This  happy  and  holy  frame  continued 
during  my  rnorning  service  ;  and  during  my  ride  to  Lolworth, 
though  it  was  harder  to  preserve  it,  yet  the  taste  of  the  sweet- 
ness of  it  made  me  strive  to  keep  God  in  sight  by  prayer. 
Preached  on  Heb.  iii.  12.  By  altering  the  style  of  the  writ- 
ten sermon,  as  I  went  along,  it  was  delivered,  I  think,  with 
plainness  and  earnestness.  Read  the  evening  service  at  Trin- 
ity Church  with  unusual  fervor ;  but  with  many  vain,  self- 
exalting  thoughts  at  so  doing. 

May  15.  In  morning  prayer,  I  pleaded  again  and  again 
that  I  might  be  heedful  to  my  spirit  during  the  day ;  that  I 
might  walk  alone  with  God  ;  i-hat  I  might  prepare  myself 
for  the  evening,  not  with  the  detestable  anxiety  of  approving 
myself  unto  men,  but  with  the  sole  wish  of  doing  the  will 
of  God. 

May  16.  In  my  walk  I  was  at  first  greatly  distressed,  and 
appeared  quite  shut  out  from  the  divine  presence.  But  soon 
after  beginning  to  learn  some  of  Psalm  cxix.,  and  repeating 
4* 


82  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

our  Lord's  farewell  sermon  in  St.  John,  my  peace  returned. 
Tims  the  word  of  God  is  always  my  comfort.  In  prayer,  I 
seemed  to  abjure  all  sin,  and  the  very  approach  to  it,  from 
the  bottom  of  my  heart.  Read  the  second  Epistle  to  the 
Corinthians,  with  a  special  blessing.  AVhat  mean,  dark  views 
have  I  of  the  glorious  ministrations  of  the  Spirit !  And  if 
the  work  of  the  ministry  be  so  awful,  how  can  such  a  worm 
as  I  be  faithful  in  it  without  earnest  prayer  and  help  from 
God  !  If  Paul  was  such  as  we  are  in  afflictions,  distresses, 
(and  0  how  far  off  from  anything  like  this  do  I  find  myself,) 
yet  I  ask  myself,  why  am  I  not  holy  and  heavenly-minded 
as  Paul  ? 

May  17.  Rose  early,  with  my  spirit  far  from  God,  but  I 
was  brought  to  a  humble,  serious  frame  by  prayer.  Let  it 
teach  me  to  be  constant  and  persevering  in  it. 

May  20.  (Sunday.)  Enjoyed  this  morning,  as  also  last 
night,  great  blessedness  in  prayer.  When  I  walked  in  the 
garden,  the  sight  of  the  beautiful  objects  in  it  made  God  still 
appear  to  be  very  near.  In  the  afternoon  heard  Mr.  Lloyd 
preach  with  great  clearness  and  powder  on  the  internal  illu- 
mination of  the  Holy  Spirit.  During  the  anthem  there,  ] 
seemed  to  have  a  foretaste  of  heaven,  and  could  have  wished 
to  die,  or  to  live  always  in  that  frame  in  which  I  found  my- 
self. Preached  at  Trinity  this  evening  on  Eph.  iv.  30. 
Went  home  afterwards,  and  succeeded  in  keeping  down  all 
self-exalting  thoughts,  and  to  have  my  mind  not  taken  up 
with  thinking  about  what  I  had  been  just  doing,  but  alone 
with  God. 

May  21.  I  awoke  with  a  mind  disposed  to  pray  and 
praise,  according  to  my  prayer  of  yesterday,  but  by  not  im- 
mediately rising,  my  vain  heart  wandered  from  God  again. 
O  how  do  I  waste  and  trifle  Avith  the  precious  gifts  of  God  ; 
yet  in  prayer  "  he  restored"  my  soul  again,  and  caused  me 
to  lonof  earnestly  for  the  continual  walk  of  faith.     Break- 


1804. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  83 

fasted  with  some  friends,  when  the  detestable  spirit  of  pride, 
against  which  I  had  praj-ed,  and  which  I  foresaw  would  be 
working,  molested  me  grievously.  I  considered  myself  as 
somebody,  and  that  I  must  speak  as  an  oracle  on  religion ; 
however,  I  said  little  to  the  purpose.  In  the  evening  read 
Daniel,  and  should  have  had  my  soul  filled  with  awful 
thoughts,  had  I  not  borne  in  mind  that  I  should  read  it  on 
Wednesday  night  at  the  room.  0  what  a  snare  are  pubhc 
ministrations  to  me  !  Not  that  I  wish  for  the  praise  of  men, 
but  there  is  some  fear  and  anxiety  about  not  getting  through. 
How  happy  could  I  be  in  meeting  the  people  of  my  God 
more  frequently,  were  it  not  for  this  fear  of  being  unprofita- 
ble !  But  since  God  has  given  me  natural  gifts,  let  this 
teach  me  that  all  I  want  is  a  spiritual  frame,  to  improve  and 
employ  them  in  the  things  of  God. 

May  22.  Rose  fearful,  but  I  resolved  again  in  the  strength 
of  God  to  struggle  hard  this  day.  Wasted  a  great  deal  of 
the  morning  in  finding  out  a  text  for  the  fast-day.  My  mind 
was  beginning  to  sink  into  discontent  at  my  unprofitableness, 
but  by  reading  some  of  Psalm  cxix.  with  prayer,  I  recovered. 
I  find  my  best  preservative  is  to  ask  myself.  Is  my  present 
temper,  train  of  thoughts,  &c.  heavenly  ?  then  I  strive  to 
conform  myself  to  the  frame  I  should  have,  and  the  manner 
of  speaking  I  should  use,  if  my  heart  were  filled  with  divine 
love. 

It  is  amazing  to  me  to  reflect  that  I  should  have  such  a  > 
desire  to  die  to  the  world,  and  to  think  of  invisible  things,  ) 
as  I  believe  I  have,  and  yet  find  not  only  so  much  of  sin, 
but  also  so  much  of  levity  in  my  spirit.  The  tide  of  animal 
spirits  is  so  strong,  that  in  the  most  sacred  employment  it 
intrudes  and  terrifies  me.  Yet  in  these  two  last  days  I  have 
made  progress,  and  blessed  be  God  for  it. 

May  23.  I  was  able  to  maintain  the  same  watchful  spirit 
this  morning.     At  church  my  soul  was  assaulted  grievously 


84  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

by  wanderings  of  the  eyes  and  heart,  but  the  recollection  of 
my  late  fellowship  with  God,  helped  to  deliver  me  from 
those  temptations.  Sin  is  indeed  inwrought  into  my  nature  ; 
notwithstanding  the  greater  degree  of  care  over  my  spirit  1 
have  exerted,  yet  the  least  occasion  is  enough  to  cause  the 
outbreakings  of  corruption.  In  my  walk,  enjoyed  much  of 
the  presence  of  God,  though  the  commendation  of  my  ser- 
mon I  yesterday  received,  too  frequent!}''  recurred  as  a  favo!'- 
ite  meditation. 

May  24.  Many  of  my  waking  thoughts  were  employed  on 
the  subject  of  keeping  near  to  God. 

May  25.  (Fast-day.)    At  's  could    not   succeed    in 

making  the  conversation  profitable,  though  I  tried,  repeat- 
edly. I  appealed  to  God,  that  I  wished  to  improve  the  time 
in  company  better,  and  that  it  was  all  this  time  a  grief  to 
me,  that  the  conversation  was  not  more  suitable  to  the  day. 
Riding  home,  my  heart  was  not  fixed  or  rejoicing,  except 
once  at  the  reflection  of  having  given  up  the  things  of  the 
world,  and  having  nothing  of  any  kind  to  engage  my 
thoughts  here,  but  to  become  holy,  and  be  the  means  of  sal- 
vation to  sinners.  I  could  bless  him  also  for  o-ivinor  me  liorht 
and  power  to  make  so  happy  a  choice. 

May  26.  My  prayer  this  morning  for  a  meek  and  holy  so- 
briety was  answered.  0  how  sweet  is  the  dawn  of  heaven. 
Read  Juvenal  for  the  examination,  and  ray  heart  was  soon 
departing  from  God,  and  leading  me  into  dishke  of  his  ser- 
vice.    But  by  some  well-timed  checks  it  returned. 

May  27.  (Sunday.)  Continued  above  an  hour  in  prayer 
in  great  deadness  till  towards  the  end,  when  I  could  have 
gone  on  with  delight  if  my  strength  had  permitted. 
Preached  at  Lol worth,  on  Eph.  iv.  30,  but  it  seemed  to  tire 
them.  Rode  home  quite  disheartened  *  *  *  l^^j^,  I 
hastened  to  lift  up  my  heart  in  prayer,  for  fear  of  feeling  anv 
improper  emotion.     told  me  after   church    of   many 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  85 

faults  in  reading  and  preaching.  Though  I  felt  really  re- 
joiced at  his  kindness,  yet  the  discovery  of  anything  that 
made  me  contemptible  to  others,  with  the  other  proofs  of 
desperate  pride  that  I  remembered  this  day,  galled  and 
grieved  me  ;  but  at  night  I  cried  very  earnestly  that  God 
would  make  me  utterly  despicable,  and  do  anything  to  de- 
stroy the  accursed  sin  of  my  heart. 

May  28.  Oh  that  my  soul  could  maintain  but  for  one  day 
the  divine  sweetness  attending  the  exercise  of  humility  and 
love  !  I  strove  to  keep  my  heart  and  my  tongue  as  it  were 
with  a  bridle.  My  thoughts  w^ere  miserably  wandering  in 
my  walk,  through  neglect  of  improving  the  time  of  reading 
and  prayer. 

May  30.  In  prayer  my  heart  was  in  my  mouth,  and  great- 
ly elevated  in  spirits,  which  I  endeavored  to  repress.  Dur- 
ing the  rest  of  the  morning  I  was  assaulted  by  strong  temp- 
tations, but  some  few  ejaculations  raised  me  above  these  sins 
and  made  me  loathe  them. 

May  31.  In  prayer  I  was  so  clearly  enlightened  with  the 
knowledge  of  what  I  ought  to  be,  and  so  longed  to  maintain 
in  perfection  a  holy,  humble,  serious,  devout  spirit,  that  I 
thought  I  should  have  at  least  some  strong  desires  all  the 
day  ;  but  after  pupil  and  reading  Juvenal,  I  was  unwilling 
either  to  pray  or  read  the  Bible.  But  through  mercy  I  was 
soon  restored,  and   walked  out  in  the  happy  enjoyment  of 

God's    presence.     Supped  with  B ,    in   company   w^ith 

seven  other  clergymen.  I  wished  much  to  say  something  to 
a  good  purpose,  but  had  no  opportunity,  yet  I  reasonably 
blamed  myself  aftei'wards,  for  not  having  that  spirituality  of 
mind  w^hich  might  have  found  opportunities  when  there  were 
otherw^ise  none.  When  I  reflected  how  godly  our  conversa- 
tion ought  to  be,  how  high  our  adoration  and  acknowledg- 
ment of  the  divine  pi-esence,  and  contrasted  it  with  our  con- 
duct, I  perceived  we  were  fallen  creatures. 


86  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

June  2.  Walked  before  dinner  with  B ,  but  I  wanted 

to  be  alone.  The  conversation  was  about  religion,  but  only 
about  it.  Soon  after  dinner  I  was  somewhat  shocked  at  con- 
sidering how  composedly  I  could  go  on  so  long  without 
prayer,  and  not  think  of  returning  to  it.  I  went  to  my  room 
and  prayed  with  seriousness,  and  found  my  spirit  improved. 

June  4.  The  utmost  attention  to  mental  employment  does 
not  prevent  the  intrusion  of  vain  and  sinful  thoughts  ;  why 
then  should  it  of  religious  thoughts  ?  By  many  seasonable 
checks  I.  turned  away  my  thoughts  from  a  light,  unholy 
spirit,  and  directed  it  to  use  the  posture  as  it  were  of  humil- 
ity and  love.  During  my  walk  I  learnt  the  latter  part  of  2 
Tim.  and  Titus,  with  o-reat  conviction  of  the  awful  charo-e  of 
the  ministry.  Some  men  complain  that  the  wheels  of  their 
bodily  machine  run  too  slow  for  the  soul,  and  so  may  I  say 
in  many  things  ;  but  I  may  also  add  with  equal  truth,  that 
the  wheels  of  my  body  often  run  too  fast  for  the  soul,  so 
that  often  when  the  soul  is  longing  to  compose  itself  to  the 
exercise  of  a  calm  and  sober  temper,  the  animal  spirits  hurry 
it  away  in  clear  contradiction  to  the  will. 

June  5.  Enjoyed  considerable  peace  this  morning.  Seve- 
ral marks  of  the  contempt  of  men,  at  different  times  of  the 
day,  affected  me  but  little.  In  my  walk,  found  my  mind 
very  readily  brought  into  somewhat  of  a  temper  of  tender- 
ness and  sobriety,  though  not  a  clear  sense  of  the  divine  pres- 
ence. At  night,  read  the  six  last  Psalms,  with  some  suita- 
bleness of  spirit. 

June  6.  Was  very  irregular  in  prayer  this  morning ;  my  heart 
seemed  disposed  to  praise,  but  I  am  always  easily  deceived 
by  frames  of  joy.  But  I  have,  through  grace,  acquired  more 
discernment,  or  at  least  have  learnt  by  my  own  feelings  what 
.frame  is  not  right.  I  have  often  had  a  great  deal  of  joy 
without  peace  :  it  was  not  pure  ;  my  natural  temper  is  a  long 
way  distant  from  that  calm  sobriety  of  soul,  where  self  is 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  8T 

altogether  abased  and  forgotten,  and  God  and  his  glory  are 
the  only  subject  and  object  of  the  thoughts.  By  repeated 
enjoyment  of  this  blessed  temper,  I  trust  that  through  the 
Spirit  it  will  become  habitual.  White  came  in,  and  contin- 
ued with  me  at  tea,  and  in  a  walk  till  past  nine.  In  the 
interval  of  a  few  minutes  of  his  absence,  I  prayed  for  my- 
self, and  particularly  for  him,  that  I  might  be  able  to  lay  be- 
fore him  motives  for  a  more  entire  resignation  of  himself ; 
but  the  conversation  afterwards,  whether  through  my  fault 
or  not  I  cannot  say,  but  certainly  against  my  will,  was  upon 
something  else.  Read  Ezek.  iii.  and  xxxiii.  with  awful  con- 
victions of  the  importance  of  the  ministry. 

June  7,  Breakfasted   with  ,  who  said   many  strong 

things  against  my  sermons,  which  pained  my  mind  all  the 
day.  In  the  evening,  my  heart  ascended  to  God,  and  I  re- 
covered considerable  peace.     Passed  the  rest  of  the  evening 

at  Mr.  Simeon's  with ;  he  contrived  to  say  many  things 

to  us  both  for  our  good  ;  to  me,  by  making  some  remarks  on 
a  person  who,  he  said,  lashed  the  subjects  of  censure  in  his 
sermons  with  undue  severity,  forgetting  that  he  himself  was 
equally  weak ;  his  remarks,  he  said,  were  too  broad  and 
without  a  due  mixture  of  hght  and  shade,  and  seemed  to 
manifest  a  lamentable  ignorance  of  his  own  heart. 

June  9.  In  my  walk  my  mind  was  wandering,  but  I  fled 
instantly  to  God,  and  prayed  for  purification  and  strength. 
Supped  at  D's,  and  our  evening  passed  in  a  happy  spiritual 
manner ;  we  discoursed  upon  the  character  of  Mr.  Fletcher, 
I  felt  animated  for  a  time  to  be  such  an  one,  and  what  was 
it  but  slothfulness,  and  unbelief,  and  self-indulgence,  that 
suffered  these  desires  to  decline,  or  that  keeps  me  from  at- 
taining their  heights  of  hohness  ? 

June  10,  (Sunday.)  On  my  ride  to  Lol worth,  my  mind 
was  rather  dark,  and  terrified,  and  absent  from  God,  yet  I 
succeeded  at  times  in  encouraging  myself  with  the  assurance, 


88  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

tliat  if  but  one  word  of  scripture  suited  me,  it  v/as  sufficient 
for  me  to  rest  upon.  At  church,  when  the  first  psahn  was 
sung  before  the  sermon,  I  found  my  heart  riveted  in  the 
most  enrapturing  sweetness,  while  it  silently  professed  to 
God  its  desires  of  holiness.  How  vain,  how  contemptible, 
did  every  sensual  joy  appear  at  the  moment !  During  my 
walk  home  from  church,  though  it  was  but  a  few  minutes, 
my  pride  and  vanity  found  employment.  But  though  un- 
conscious of  anything  practically  wrong  at  the  time,  when  I 
came  home  I  began  to  be  provoked  at  myself  for  thus  de- 
stroying my  own  happiness,  and  grieving  the  Holy  Spirit. 
Directly  after,  having  occasion  to  go  across  the  court,  the 
same  detestable  passions  led  me  into  a  series  of  thoughts 
which  had  continued  for  some  time  before  I  was  aware  of  it. 
These  are  sad  proofs  of  the  desperate  wickedness  of  the 
heart.  "  Oh  wretched  man  that  I  am,  who  shall  dehver  me 
from  the  body  of  this  death  !"  These  words  just  express  my 
feelings.  I  am  thankful  that  God  has  not  given  me  any  one 
talent  more  than  he  has ;  for,  humanly  speaking,  they  would 
endanger  my  soul.  Now,  would  to  God  I  were  quite  dead 
to  the  world.  It  will  be  heaven  indeed  to  me,  when  self  is 
entirely  lost.  I  had  rather  be  a  slave  to  another  in  a  case 
where  I  could  be  purely  disinterested,  than  submit  to  this 
most  loathsome  vassalage  to  my  own  self. 

June  11.  After  my  morning  prayer,  my  heart  enjoyed  a 
calm  and  blessed  temper,  but  it  gradually  declined  by  my 
forgetting  to  watch  over  myself  in  conversation  with  others. 
Rode  with  Mr.  Simeon :  he  was  talking  chiefly  of  my  going 
to  India,  The  rest  of  the  day  at  Shelford,  my  mind  was  at 
peace,  though  for  want  of  retirement  I  enjo3^ed  no  sensible 
communion  Avith  God.  In  readin^r  at  nioht  Levit.  x.  and 
Brown's  Reflections,  I  was  deeply  affected,  and  had  many 
momentary  glances  of  holy  thoughts  and  resolutions,  but  my 
mind  had   been  so  taken  up  with  earthly  objects  this  day, 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  89 

that  I  had  no  power  to  fix  them  on  heavenly  things.  Oh, 
how  is  it  possible  that  a  sinner  liable  to  be  hurried  in  a  mo- 
ment to  the  tribunal  of  God  could  ever  Avalk  so  carelessly  ! 

June  12.  I  w^as  grieved  to  find  that  all  the  exertions  of 
prayer  were  necessary  against  worldly-mindedness,  so  soon 
had  the  prospect  of  the  means  of  competent  support  in  India 
filled  my  heart  with  concern  about  earthly  happiness  ;  but  I 
strove  earnestly  against  them,  and  prayed  for  grace  that  if  it 
should  please  God  to  try  my  faith  by  calling  me  to  a  post  of 
opulence,  I  might  not  dare  to  use  for  myself  what  is  truly 
his.  Nevertheless,  this  change  in  my  circumstances  so 
troubled  me,  that  I  could  have  been  infinitely  better  pleased 
to  have  gone  out  as  a  missionary,  poor  as  the  Lord  and  his 

apostles.     I  had  a  long  conversation  with  Mr. ,  in  wdiich 

he  seemed  at  first  to  complain  rather  severely,  that  I  said 
nothing  for  the  comfort  of  the  saints  :  told  me  that  I  knew 
nothing  as  yet  of  my  own  heart,  and  many  other  things  to 
the  same  purpose,  w'ith  proper  modesty ;  but  clearly  enough 
for  me  to  perceive  his  drift.  I  left  him  rather  humbled, 
conscious  of  my  shallowness ;  my  mind  estranged  from  di- 
vine things  through  long  discontinuance  of  private  prayer. 

I  had    promised    to  walk    with ,  which    was  perfectly 

hateful  to  me  at  this  time,  when  I  had  such  need  of  being 
alone  wuth  God.  I  have  declined  so  sensibly  these  last  two  or 
three  days,  that  I  design  to  devote  to-morrow  to  fasting  and 
prayer,  and  may  it  please  God  to  make  it  the  means  of 
quickening  me  again.  My  heart  already  rejoices  at  the  pros- 
pect of  the  increase  of  spirituality.  Read  two  or  three  first 
chapters  of  Jeremiah  at  night,  with  some  impressions. 

June  13.  Before  breakfast  I  continued  about  an  hour  and 
a  half  in  a  prayer  of  humiliation.  The  rest  of  the  day,  after 
chui-ch,  was  passed  in  reading  and  prayer,  and  latterly  in 
writing  a  sermon  for  next  Sunday.  My  heart  was  engaged 
sweetly  but  at  one  time,  and  that  was  in  the  w^ork  of  inter- 


90  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

cession.  Met  with  Mr.  C — ,  with  whom  I  was  obhged  to 
walk.  He  thought  it  a  most  improper  step  for  me  to  leave 
the  University  to  preach  to  the  ignorant  heathen,  which  any 
person  could  do,  and  that  I  ought  rather  to  use  the  opportu- 
nity of  acquiring  human  learning.  My  heart  was  a  little 
discomposed  this  evening  at  the  account  of  the  late  magnifi- 
cent prizes  proposed  by  Mr.  Buchanan  and  others,  in  the 
University,  for  which  Mr.  C.  has  been  desiring  me  to  write  ; 
but  I  was  soon  at  rest  again.  But  how  easily  do  I  forget 
that  God  is  no  respecter  of  persons ;  that  in  the  midst  of 
the  notice  I  attract  as  an  enthusiast,  he  judges  of  me  accord- 
ing to  my  inward  state.  Oh !  my  soul,  take  no  pleasure  in 
outward  religion,  nor  in  exciting  wonder,  but  in  the  true 
circumcision  of  the  heart. 

June  14.  Called  out  directly  after  breakfast,  and  then 
great  part  of  the  morning  was  lost  about  nothing.  On  my 
return  I  was  verofinof  to  discontent  and  unwillino-ness  to  write 
a  sermon ;  but  changed  to  a  most  admiring  and  elevated  joy 
at  the  thouo;ht  of  beings  a  minister  of  the  most  hiirh  God, 
called  to  proclaim  the  dignity  and  excellency  of  Jesus  Christ. 

June  16.  Maintained  a  right  spirit  of  peace  and  love  through 
the  early  part  of  the  morning. told  me  of  many  con- 
temptuous and  insulting  things  which  had  been  said  of  me, 
reflecting,  some  on  my  understanding,  some  on  my  condition, 
sincerity,  and  inconsistent  conduct.  It  was  a  great  trial  of 
my  patience,  and  I  was  frequently  tempted,  in  the  course  of 
the  evening,  to  let  my  natural  spirit  rage  forth  in  indignation 
and  revenge ;  but  I  remembered  Him  of  whom  it  was  said, 
"  Who,  when  he  was  reviled,  reviled  not  again,  but  commit- 
ted himself  to  him  that  judgeth  righteously."  My  soul,  alas, 
needs  these  uneasinesses  in  outward  things,  to  be  driven  to 
take  refuge  in  God. 

June  lY.  (Sunday.)  At  church,  in  the  service  enjoyed 
much  peace.     Preached  on  1  Tim.  i.  15,  to  a  full  congrega- 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  91 

tion.  I  hope  some  were  affected,  though,  when  I  reflect 
upon  the  indifference  of  ray  heart,  I  have  need  to  fear,  lest 
no  soul  should  ever  be  given  to  me.  Mr.  Simeon's  sermon 
on  Jeremiah  xxxi.  8,  9,  made  me  desire  to  be  alone  with  God. 
In  prayer  at  night  I  seem  to  be  awakened  from  a  long  sleep ; 
alas,  I  have  had  a  name  to  live,  and  have  been  dead.  Not 
having  stirred  up  myself  to  take  hold  of  God,  I  have  become 
unconscious  of  the  burden  of  corruption  ;  and  the  consequence 
is,  that  pride  has  spread  over  my  whole  heart,  and  swallowed 
up  my  whole  spirit.  When  I  began  to  perceive  it  through 
mercy  this  evening,  and  attempted  to  be  humbled  before 
God,  I  found  it  utterly  impossible.  I  could  only  say  before 
him,  that  I  had  no  power  of  myself  to  think  a  good  thought, 
and  so  I  found  it  then.  Every  desire  after  grace,  and  help, 
and  strength  against  corruption,  was  itself  full  of  corruption. 
One  thing  was  particularly  offensive  to  me.  How  experi- 
mental a  Christian,  thought  I,  shall  I  be  in  my  sermons, 
when  I  come  to  describe  the  feelings  and  workings  of  my 
mind  this  evening  !  Wretched,  wretched  man  that  I  am, 
who  shall  deliver  me  from  this  never-ceasing  self-compla- 
cency, this  accursed  pride  !  0  may  the  Spirit  always  make 
me  groan  under  this  burden,  and  bring  to  my  first  remem- 
brance in  the  morning  the  corruption  of  my  heart,  and  teach 
me  the  way  of  obtaining  suitable  humiliation  ! 

June  18.  In  my  walk,  for  the  most  part  I  was  very  un- 
happy. I  was  willing  to  take  my  heart  into  exercise,  and 
beo^in  a  thorouo^h  work  of  humiliation  and  conviction ;  but  it 
appeared  closed  up  on  all  sides,  every  avenue  to  it  seemed 
to  be  hid  in  darkness  and  confusion.  However,  before  I  re- 
turned home,  I  found  peace  returning,  upon  the  considera- 
tion, that  my  duty  was  to  be  diligent  in  secret  exercises,  and 
God  himself  would  teach  me.  In  the  afternoon  read  "  Ten- 
ant's India,"  and  foresaw  that  my  future  hfe  in  that  country 
would  be  outwardly  odious  to  the  last  decree.     But  in  the 


92  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

face  of  every  difficulty  I  could  truly  say,  "  None  of  these 
things  move  me."  The  rest  of  the  evening  passed  rather 
tmprofitably,  by  my  looking  at  several  chapters  for  exposi- 
tion, without  settling :  yet  my  mind  seemed  to  be  blest  from 
above ;  I  passed  an  hour  in  prayer  at  one  time  with  much 
delight,  especially  in  the  work  of  intercession. 

June  19.  Rode  to  Shelford  to  dinner ;  on  the  road  at  first 
I  was  far  from  God ;  but  my  heart  revived  afterwards,  so 
that  I  found  him  my  chief  joy,  and  depended  on  him  for 
making  me  walk  becomingly. 

June  21.  In  my  walk,  my  mind  was  not  at  peace.  Alas, 
my  faich  fails  every  day.  I  cannot  trust  God  for  strengthen- 
ing me  and  guiding  me.  Had  some  comfort  in  prayer  after- 
wards at  home.  How  encouraging  is  it  to  further  exertion, 
that  the  Lord  sends  a  blessino^  to  the  least  des^ree  of  dili- 
gence !  At  church,  Mr.  Simeon  preached  on  John  iv.  34. 
The  text  struck  me  exceedingly,  and  so  did  his  first  division, 
which  showed  our  Lord's  fervent  affection,  unwearied  dili- 
gence, and  undaunted  resolution  in  doing  his  work.  My  soul 
was  stirred  up  within  me  to  follow  his  steps,  and  to  devote 
myself  thus  entirely  to  his  service,  as  I  did  not  believe  I  had 
ever  truly  done.  I  almost  trembled  to  promise  or  vow  be- 
fore God,  that  I  would  be  his  forever  ;  yet  I  gave  up  myself 
in  prayer  to  be  his  servant  and  the  follower  of  Jesus  Christ. 
My  desires  are  at  present  very  strong  for  a  conformity  to 
Christ,  not  so  much  from  a  sense  of  the  beauty  of  holiness, 
as  from  the  hope  of  glory,  and  esteem  of  the  superlative  ex- 
cellence of  such  a  life.  Yet  my  heart  sinks  within  me  at  the 
prospect  of  the  terrible  opposition  I  shall  have  to  encounter 
from  the  world,  from  the  flesh,  and  from  the  devil ;  from  the 
two  former  especially.  0  God,  do  thou  strengthen  me,  that 
my  faith  fail  not,  that  I  may  not  be  discouraged  till  I  have 
said,  "It  is  finished." 

June  22.  Retained  all  this  day  the  impression  of  yester- 


1801.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  93 

day,  and  considered  myself  as  bound  by  promise  and  by  the 
convictions  of  yesterday,  to  be  as  one  wholly  devoted  to 
God. 

Passed  the  rest  of  the  morning,  hoping  by  meditation  and 
prayer  to  have  my  mind  made  spiritual,  and  prepared  for 
usefulness  in  the  ministry,  but  gained  little  access  to  God, 
from  being  much  imder  the  influence  of  a  self-dependent  spirit. 
Yet  I  continued  in  supplication,  in  the  assurance  that  in  his 
good  time  I  should  find  a  blessing.  Rode  in  the  afternoon 
to  Boxworth,  and  was  rather  about  to  he  Avith  God  than  with 
him. 

June  23.  A  little  before  prayer  at  noon  I  was  trifling,  and 
in  the  exercise  found  myself  praying  in  unbelief,  with  no 
sense  of  God's  majesty,  nor  any  awful  sense  of  offending  him. 
In  some  alarm  I  cried  for  help  and  mercy,  and  in  great  pain 
and  difficulty  stirred  up  my  heart  to  make  a  few  petitions  in 
earnest.  One  section  of  Psalm  cxix.  I  found  very  suitable. 
I  was  grieved  at  my  waste  of  time,  and  want  of  communion 
with  God,  and  general  unprofitableness ;  but  found  a  hum- 
bling eft'ect  produced  by  the  inquiry  into  my  own  mind. 
Teach  me,  0  Lord,  the  way  of  thy  statutes,  and  I  shall  keep 
it  unto  the  end.  May  I  walk  humbly  through  life,  the  faith- 
ful servant  and  minister  of  Christ ! 

June  24.  At  times  during  the  service,  had  a  joyful  sense 
of  the  divine  presence  ;  but  as  it  was  chiefly  during  the 
hymns,  I  think  these  affections  suspicious.  Let  me  feel  the 
same  sweet  heart-burning  emotions  in  the  midst  of  a  desert, 
and  I  shall  then  attribute  them  to  the  Spirit.  Several  marks 
of  love  and  esteem  shown  me  by  persons  I  respect,  raised 
my  animal  spirits  to  a  great  height,  while  in  the  mean  time 
my  heart  was  proportionably  grieved.  Oh  how  far  prefera- 
ble is  one  taste  of  the  sweet  frame  of  love  to  all  this  crack- 
ling of  thorns  under  a  pot !  I  desire  something  of  which  I 
have  but  a  distant  glimmering,  often  disapproving  of  a  life 


94  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

of  true  piety :  when  shall  I  live  forgetful  of  the  world, 
with  all  my  thoughts,  motives,  pleasures,  etc.,  centering* in 
God? 

June  25.  Was  still  anxious  after  deadness  to  the  Avorld, 
and  love  to  God,  both  for  the  sake  of  my  own  comfort,  and 
that  I  might  be  better  qualified  to  go  through  the  service. 
So  many  base  and   bye  ends   are  there  even  in  my  desires 

after  holiness  !  Went  to to  tea,  where  I  hoped  to  be  as 

one  belonging  to  another  w^orld,  but  self-seeking  and  pride 
showed  too  plainly  that  I  belonged  to  this.  Took  the  last 
chapter  of  Daniel,  and  had  too  great  freedom  of  speech  for 
my  seriousness  and  peace.  I  not  only  was  vain,  but,  what 
is  more,  I  think  that  I  showed  my  vanity.  Wandered  into 
the  walks  in  great  dejection,  when  I  met  with  that  man  of 
God,  Mr.  Lloyd.  He  presently  began  on  the  subject  of 
pride,  and  other  evils,  indwelling  in  our  corrupted  hearts,  on 
all  which  I  could  talk  justly  from  experience,  and  was  of 
course  pleased  with  my  own  penetration,  and  with  being 
able  to  converse  with  so  confirmed  a  Christian  ;  but  knowing- 
is  nothing  ;  "to  will  is  present  with  me,  but  how  to  perform 
that  which  is  good  I  find  not."  Let  me  but  ply  heart-work 
in  secret,  let  me  but  walk  alone  in  communion  with  God, 
and  I  shall  surely  be  able  to  offer  him  sacrifices  more  pure, 
though  from  the  experience  of  others  I  am  taught  to  expect 
never  to  escape  from  corruption,  till  I  leave  the  body  ;  my  only 
fear  is,  lest  I  should  rest  satisfied  with  having  discovered  my 
own  corruption,  withoiitlaboring  to  overcome  it.  But  God 
who  hast  sent  me  light  to  see  these  things,  will  quicken  the 
paralyzed  powers  of^^y  soul,  and  help  me  to  throw^  off  the 
poison  of  my  heart. 

June  26.  What  a  relief  it  is  to  my  burdened  soul,  to  de- 
part in  spirit  from  this  scene  of  vanity  and  error,  to  repose 
■with  God  !  Rose  extremely  careless  of  ray  thoughts,  but  in 
prayer  had  the  same  desires  as  for  the  last  three  or  four  days. 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  .95 

In  my  -walk  enjoyed  great  peacefulness,  I  am  far  more  satis- 
fied than  I  ever  was, — now  that  I  see  the  corruption  of  my 
heart  more,  and  the  provision  made  for  its  renovation  by  the 
Spirit, — in  the  great  plan  of  Christ's  redemption.  "  The  law 
of  the  spirit  of  hfe  in  Christ  Jesus,  hath  made  me  free,"  Arc; 
and  the  whole  of  the  first  part  of  Rom.  vii.  appeared  to  me 
to  refer  to  sanctification.  Went  to  the  hospital,  and  read 
John  iv.  and  at  seven  to  the  society  of  young  men,  and  ex- 
pounded the  same  chapter  as  last  night,  but  with  great  dul- 
ness  I  suppose,  for  one  of  them  was  set  fast  asleep.  This 
little  event  had  a  blessed  effect  on  my  spirit  in  prayer,  as 
my  heart  was  humbled  by  it.  *  ^"  Any  little 

marks  of  the  contempt  of  men  are  the  most  wholesome  diet 
I  can  use.  The  praises  of  men  do  not  puff  me  up  propor- 
tionably,  because  I  am  used  to  them  ;  but  to  be  despised  of 
men  is  not  a  customary  thing  Avith  me,  and  affects  me  very 
deeply.  My  pride  is  sensibly  wounded,  and  I  think  less  of 
myself.  ^Vhat  may  be  the  design  of  God  in  thus  lowering 
me  in  the  opinion  of  those  who  hear  me,  and  so  apparently 
diminishing  my  usefulness  in  the  ministry,  I  am  at  a  loss  to 
conceive.  Perha|)s  he  is  teaching  me  the  horrible  nature  of 
the  least  sin,  or  is  weaning  my  heart  from  finding  comfort  in 
any  thing  but  him,  since  even  his  own  people  are  turned 
against  me ;  or  is  preparing  my  faith  for  future  trials,  or  is 
teaching  me  prudence,  that  I  mixj  learn  by  bitter  experience 
how  to  behave  myself  in  the  Church  of  God  ;  or  perhaps  all 
these.  If  it  be  for  sin,  my  heart  shall  acknowledge  that  it 
is  a  slight  chastisement,  compared  with  the  just  punishment 
of  it.  If  it  be  to  teach  me  better  things,  I  will  bless  the 
Lord.  But  enough  of  Avorldly  things.  "  0  that  I  had  wings 
like  a  dove !  for  then  would  I  flee  away  and  be  at  rest.  Lo 
then  would  I  wander  far  off,  and  remain  in  the  wilderness. 
I  would  hasten  my  escape  from  the  windy  storm  and  tem- 
pest."    Thus  my  imagination  takes  to  itself  wings,  and  flies 


96  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

to  some  wilderness,  where  I  may  hold  converse  in  solitude 
with  God  :  "  The  word  forgetting,  by  the  world  forgot." 

June  27.  Read  Persian,  and  made  some  calculations  in 
Trigonometry,  in  order  to  be  familiar  with  the  use  of  Loga- 
rithms. But  my  mind  by  giddy  levity  with  a  friend  was 
grieved  and  injured.  I  retired  into  the  fields  to  regain  re- 
flection, and  could  say  I  came  not  hither  by  constraint  but 
choice.  O  what  would  have  been  the  misery  of  my  mind 
by  this  time,  had  I  not  known  God !  Even  in  much  earlier 
youth,  when  far  more  was  to  be  expected  from  the  world,  I 
looked  round  in  distress,  saying.  Who  will  show  me  any 
good  ?  I  should  now  probably  have  been  living  in  the  full 
indulgence  of  carnal  lusts,  and  be  laboring  after  the  largest 
possible  acquisition  of  human  glory,  either  in  military  life, 
though  my  frame  be  feeble,  or  by  learning.  Consequently 
I  should  now  be  tortured  by  remorse  and  guilt,  and  my 
temper  would  be  embittered  by  disappointment  and  envy  ; 
yet  the  lusts  of  the  flesh,  the  lusts  of  the  eye,  and  the  pride 
of  life,  engage  more  of  my  thoughts  than  I  should  conceive 
possible  in  one  who  really  finds  happiness  only  in  that  pro- 
portion in  which  he  sees  himself  a  stranger  and  a  pilgrim  on 
the  earth. 

June  28.  Was  interrupted  in  prayer  this  morning  in  con- 
sequence of  rising  late.  Was  about  a  sermon  till  church 
time.  During  service  I  felt  great  fear  at  times,  though  I 
said  to  myself,  what  means  this  anxiety  ?  Am  I  not  ashamed 
to  speak  in  the  presence  of  Jehovah  ?  and  shall  I  be  con- 
founded before  a  few  poor  mortals  ?  In  the  pulpit  I  was 
free  from  all  fear,  and  delivered  my  sermon  on  the  blessed 
subject,  1  Tim.  i.  15,  with  animation  and  ease,  and  with  more 
inward  delight  than  I  ever  before  felt  in  the  pulpit.  But 
there  was  a  great  deal  of  pride  and  vanity  in  my  heart  all 
the  rest  of  the  evening. 

June  29.  Alas !  my  soul  is  becoming  dead  again,  though 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  97 

it  hath  a  name  to  Hve  ;  so  short,  so  distant  am  I  in  prayer. 
In  the  morning  I  thought  I  had  obtained  the  possession  of  a 
heavenly  temper ;  but  very  soon  an  occasion,  the  sKghtest 
possible,  showed  me  that  I  was  proud,  impatient,  and  peev- 
ish. The  morning  was  taken  up  b}^  walking  v/ith  others,  by 
which  I  was  left  empty  and  unhappy.  At  dinner  I  lifted  up 
my  heart  with  some  success,  and  in  prayer  in  my  rooms  after- 
w^ards.  Went  to  the  hospital  with  a  good  look  out  after  my 
own  heart,  lest  it  should  rove  in  pursuit  of  earthly  concerns. 

D continued,  with  me  all  the  evening,  so  that  not  a 

single  thing  has  been  done  this  day  in  private. 

June  30.  Some  friends  breakfasted  with  me  this  morning, 
and  I  hoped  by  my  prayer  beforehand  that  I  should  have 
been  able  in  my  conversation  to  stir  them  up  ;  but  I  failed, 
partly  through  their  fault,  but  chiefly  through  my  own.  Hoav 
little  heavenly-mindedness  is  there  amongst  us  !  Sought  to 
be  cheerful,  sometimes  from  the  prospect  of  going  home, 
sometimes  from  the  consideration  of  all  the  subjects  of  hope. 
But  finding  these  unable  to  cheer  me,  I  inquired  what  w^as 
my  real  good  ?  the  answer  I  ought  to  make  is  "  the  enjoy- 
ment of  God ;"  but  not  being  able  to  conceive  this  at  the 
time,  I  rather  supposed  that  the  perfection  of  our  natures  in 
holiness  Avas  the  chief  blessino*.  Rememberinp-  the  blessed 
peace  I  had  often  enjoyed  in  humiliation  and  love,  my  mind 
brightened  again  with  these  holy  tempers,  and  foresaw  full- 
ness of  bliss  in  the  blessed  exercise  of  them  among  the  crea- 
tures of  God  to  all  eternity.  Found  the  poor  man  at  Lol- 
worth  near  death.  I  continued  two  hours  without  affecting  him. 
When  I  asked  him  if  I  should  pray  with  him,  "  If  I  liked  it," 
he  said.  I  then  inquired  why  he  was  not  earnest  that  I 
should.  He  said  he  did  not  know  that  it  would  do  him  much 
good.  I  expostulated  with  him,  and  went  to  prayer,  after 
which  he  seemed  melted.  I  rode  home  in  somewhat  of  peace, 
though  pride  was  at  work. 


98  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804 


CHAPTER  V 


July  1.  (Sunday.)  Walked  a  little  before  morning  prayer, 
and  found  by  my  wanderings  and  discontent,  in  how  great  a 
degree  prayer  bad  effected  that  sweet  enjoyment  of  divine 
things  I  have  often  felt  in  passing  through  the  walks  just 
after  its  exercise.  At  church  enjoyed  some  deadness  to  the 
world,  but  at  the  receiving  of  the  sacrament  my  heart  was 
hard  and  insensible.  I  seemed  to  have  a  heart  of  adamant, 
and  full  oT  pride,  and  earthly  thoughts.  *  *  *  Heard  Dr.  P. 
preach  for  two  hours ;  his  profusion  of  Greek  and  Latin  quo- 
tations excited  my  mirth,  when  his  unprofitableness  ought  to 
have  raised  very  different  emotions  in  me.  After  church  at 
night  walked  in  the  Fellovfs'  garden  with  four  friends  ;  our 
conversation  Avas  tolerably  spiritual,  but  my  heart  was  swell- 
ing fast  with  pride  and  love  of  the  world,  and  fear  of  losing 
the  good  opinion  of  those  who  love  and  honor  me.  But  I 
know  my  refuge,  God  is  able  to  humble  me,  and  to  make 
me  die  to  everything  but  himself.  In  prayer  at  night  God 
either  showed  me  myself,  or  else  Satan  tempted  me  to  his 
own  sin.  My  thoughts  were  those  of  cool  deliberate  pride , 
there  was  no  sudden  repugnance  to  the  divine  will  through 
the  love  of  the  flesh,  but  a  sort  of  calm  rejection  of  the  au- 
thority of  God,  and  of  the  necessity  of  humiliation  before  him. 
In  the  utmost  agony  of  soul  I  sometimes  hurried  to  the 
thoughts  of  my  being  a  creature  ;  sometimes  to  my  having 
been  saved  through  mercy  from  hell.  I  was  afraid  to  leave 
off  praying  in  this  frame,  lest  I  should  sink  down  to  dwell 
with   the  devil  and   his  angels,   whose  spirit  of  rebellion  I 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  99 

seemed  precisely  to  have  obtained.  Went  to  bed  commend- 
ing my  soul  earnestly  to  Christ. 

July  2.  After  an  hour  spent  in  prayer  the  Lord  mercifully 
assisted  me,  and  the  sense  of  my  danger  and  blasphemous 
impiety  melted  me  into  tears.  I  now  hoped  that  in  answer 
to  my  prayers,  I  should  now  and  ever  take  my  place  among 
the  most  worthless  of  the  creatures  of  God,  and  feel  amongr 
my  brethren,  as  one  who  was  not  worthy  to  be  trodden  un- 
der foot :  but  through  the  day,  was  unhappy  from  the  real 
actings  of  unbelief.  I  was  afraid,  or  suspected  that  the  same 
atheistical  thoughts  were  still  in  my  head,  and  I  dreaded  to 
examine  it ;  and  I  thouo-ht  also  that  God's  ano-er  was  kindled, 
and  he  was  departing  from  me.  On  my  return  from  my 
walk,  read  some  of  the  Old  Testament  with  the  hope  of  see- 
ing my  own  insignificance,  and  God's  greatness  and  power ; 
then  prayed,  and  put  up  some  strong  cries  for  help  and  faith, 
in  which  I  was  greatly  encouraged,  by  considering  that  there 
was  no  one  else  who  would  or  could  do  me  any  good,  but 
God,  with  whom  I  Avas  alone. 

July  3.  My  thoughts  this  morning  were  rather  of  a  dif- 
ferent kind,  lest  I  should  be  carried  away  by  the  vanities  of 
a  public  day.  In  the  senate-house,  where  I  was  created 
M.A.,  I  was  not  in  general  forgetful  of  my  soul,  though  I 
caught  myself  repeatedly  in  trains  of  vain  thoughts;  was 
empty  and  tired  for  want  of  being  alone  ;  attended  a  society 
where  Mr.  Simeon  lectured  on  the  words,  "  a  plant  of  renown  ;" 
towards  the  last,  I  found  some  returning  admiration  and  affec- 
tion for  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  but  the  momentary  sunshine 
was  overcast  materially  by  clouds  of  unbelief.  The  dreadful 
pride  of  my  heai-t,  as  it  was  discovered  to  me  on  Sunday 
night,  has  made  me  almost  desperate.  I  know  not  what  to 
do.  I  am  afraid  of  never  coming  to  God  or  Christ  with  the 
humility  of  a  creature.  The  only  thing  that  revives  my  heart, 
is  the  thought  of  the  possibility  of  becoming  the  meanest 


100  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

creature  of  God  serving  him  ;  and  I  declare,  that  were  all 
the  glory  my  imagination  could  invent  offered  to  me,  with 
my  present  proud  heart,  I  would  not,  I  could  not  take  it ; 
nay,  on  the  contrary,  so  miserable  would  it  make  me,  by  in- 
creasing my  pride  and  rebellion  against  God,  that  rather  than 
have  it,  I  would  prefer  being  blotted  out  of  existence  for 
ever.  And  this  I  say,  not  from  any  deep  conviction  of  the 
propriety  of  such  submission,  but  only   from  feeling  what  is 

my  real  happiness.     And  now  I  think  I  have  stated  my  case. 

#  ##  *  #  #  #  .%-  *  # 

*  *  It  is  all  in  vain,  that  I  remember  myself  to  be 
created  out  of  the  dust,  that  I  know  nothing  of  natural  things, 
that  I  can  neither  do,  say,  or  think  anything,  except  by  his 
permission.  Yet  all  are  in  vain  to  bring  me  down.  I  pray 
as  usual,  yet  cursed  unbelief  and  pride  send  me  away  without 
a  blessing.  Nevertheless,  now  for  the  shield  of  faith  to  quench 
these  fiery  darts  of  the  devil.  At  present  my  desires  after 
humiliation  are  intensely  strong  ;  I  do  not  know  why  ;  but  if 
this  Satanic  spirit  remain,  the  cloud  may  spread  over  these 
desires  also,  and  then  all  is  over.  I  therefore  commend  my 
soul  to  Christ ;  with  great  difficulty,  forcing  my  way  through 
the  crowd  of  opposing  enemies  within,  and  I  think  also  Satan 
without :  it  is  the  peculiar  dreadfulness  of  these  thoughts,  that 
they  dishonor  the  Saviour,  and  deny  his  authority,  and  tear 
me  away  from  my  best  and  only  friend.  Yet  they  shall  not, 
if  Christ  give  me  grace  to  stand  firm.  Be  strong,  my  soul, 
why  art  thou  afraid  ?  This  is  the  very  time  to  show  the 
strength  of  faith.  I  will  even,  against  hope,  believe  in  hope. 
July  4.  To-day  I  would  hope  that  the  Lord  hath  heard 
my  prayer,  in  delivering  me  from  spiritual  pride,  for  I  have 
had  no  returns  of  it  in  the  same  distractinor  des^ree.  Walked 
to  Shelford,  where  the  time  passed  not  without  religious  con- 
versation, but  my  mind  was  carnal  for  want  of  reading  and 
prayer. 


1804. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.         101 

July  5.  Employed  In  making  calls,  &c.  By  much  con- 
verse with  men,  even  on  religious  subjects,  my  thoughts  are 
not  refreshed  from  heaven.  Last  night  in  prayer,  in  recol- 
lection of  my  unprofitableness  and  waste  of  time,  I  found  my 
soul  drawn  out  in  strong  desires  to  live  a  hfe  of  entire  de- 
votedness  and  prayer ;  yet  here  is  another  day  spent  in  like 
manner  ;  nothing  done,  and  my  thoughts  scattered.  How  I 
long  to  bury  myself  in  the  country  ! 

July  6.  The  sudden  appearance  of  evil  thoughts  made  me 
very  unhappy,  but  I  found  refuge  in  God.  0  may  the  Lord 
receive  my  wandering  heart,  and  make  me  to  find  in  himself, 
the  source  and  centre  of  beauty,  a  sweet  and  satisfied  delight ! 
0  what  sublime,  what  rapturous  views  of  God  and  divine 
tilings  might  I  enjoy  witli  a  little  more  watchfulness  !  For  a 
moment  my  mind  seems  about  to  be  filled,  and  all  its  facul- 
ties absorbed ;  but  the  spirit  passes  on,  and  I  am  lost  in  dul- 
ness. 

July  7.  Extremely  dull  and  cold  in  prayer,  very  princi- 
pally for  want  of  scripture  reading  and  meditation.  Yet 
through  humiliation  on  account  of  it,  I  passed  the  rest  of  the 
morning  in  the  sense  of  God's  presence,  and  with  tolerable 
diligence.  Read  Acts  xx.  0  that  I  may  be,  as  I  desire  to 
be,  dead  to  the  world,  and  have  my  thoughts  taken  up  with 
Christ  and  his  service !  How  repeatedly  has  this  blessed 
chapter  made  me  feel  the  vanity  of  the  world  ! 

July  8.  (Sunday.)  Watchful  against  wandering,  but  my 
heart  was  not  engaged.  Rode  home  from  Lol worth  in  a 
great  storm  of  rain.  I  had  grand  views  of  God,  and  felt  no 
doubt  but  that  I  should  be  received,  were  I  to  be  taken  from 
this  world  ;  but  I  felt  that  my  only  hope  was  in  Christ,  for 
not  one  thought,  word,  or  work  of  mine,  was  without  sin.  In 
the  evening  service,  I  enjoyed  great  delight  in  God  at  times, 
and  a  desire  to  be  his.  The  most  satisfying  feeling  at  those 
times  is  the  worthiness  of  God  and  Christ. 


102  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

July  9.  Set  out  on  my  journey  in  greater  recollection  of 
mind  than  ever  heretofore ;  on  the  road  the  contemplation  of 
myself  showed  me  the  workings  of  vanity.  Called  on  Mr. 
Grant,  who  told  me  that  he  had  little  doubt  that  there  would 
be  a  chaplainship  vacant  before  the  close  of  next  spring  sea- 
son. The  dejection  in  which  Mr.  Grant's  answer  left  me, 
drew  me  nearer  to  God  in  prayer.  My  determination  to  go 
out,  with  God's  direction,  did  not  seem  at  all  shaken  by  the 
difficulties  I  foresaw. 

July  10.  Dined  with  Mr.  Wilberforce  at  Palace  Yard.  It 
was  very  agreeable,  as  there  was  no  one  else.  Speaking  of 
the  slave-trade,  I  mentioned  the  words,  "  Shall  I  not  visit  for 
these  things  ?"  and  found  my  heart  so  aflfected,  that  I  could 
with  difficulty  refrain  from  tears.  Went  with  Mr.  W.  to  the 
House  of  Commons,  where  I  was  surprised  and  charmed 
with  Mr.  Pitt's  eloquence.  Ah,  thought  I,  if  these  powers  of 
oratory  were  now  employed  in  recommending  the  Gospel — 
but  as  it  is,  he  talks  with  great  seriousness  and  energy  about 
that  which  is  of  no  consequence  at  all.     At  night  met  with 

,who  used  the  name  of  God  in  profane  swearing.     I 

gave  him  no  reprimand,  except  slightly  towards  the  last,  in 
consequence  of  which,  at  night,  I  found  my  conscience  ex- 
ceedingly grieved,  and  saw  myself  vile,  as  one  who  had  de- 
nied Christ  before  men. 

July  11.  Left  London  for  Bath.  I  was  on  the  top  of 
the  coach,  and  the  wind  blew  exceedingly  cold.  I  was  una- 
ble to  turn  away  my  mind  from  the  complaints  of  the  body, 
but  continued  peevish  and  discontented,  except  at  one  or  two 
intervals,  when  I  forced  my  thoughts  away.  Alas  !  these 
are  the  very  occasions,  when  I  should  exercise  myself,  in 
living  by  faith.  I  was  then  most  dreadfully  assailed  by  evil 
thoughts  ;  but  at  the  very  height,  prayer  availed,  and  I  was 
delivered  ;  and  during  the  rest  of  my  journey,  enjoyed  great 
peace,  and  a  strong  desire  to  live  for  Christ  alone. 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  103 

July  12 — 19.  On  tlie  IGth  reached  Truro,  and  went  im- 
mediately to  Lamorran.  18th,  walked  to  Truro,  found  some 
opportunity  of  speaking-  to  a  poor  young  woman,  who  had 
given  up  a  profession  of  religion.  19th,  sat  in  a  wood  for 
two  hours,  thinking  on  Isaiah  Iv.  1 — 3,  on  which  I  meant  to 
preach.  In  the  house  afterwards,  and  in  prayer,  in  which  I 
engaged  with  a  great  conviction  of  my  having  backslidden, 
I  found  my  soul  filled  with  seriousness  and  solemnity  before 
God. 

July  20.  I  found  myself  unable  to  introduce  any  conver- 
sation, as  my  heart  was  not  close  to  God,  nor  touched  with 
love  to  God. 

July  21.  Had  a   very    interesting -conversation  with  my 

dear .     In  my  walk  to  Truro  was  tempted  to  great  pride  ; 

but  my  uneasiness  under  every  access  of  glory  to  myself, 
makes  me  earnest  in  general  to  give  it  to  the  Lord,  to  whom 
alone  it  belongs. 

July  22,  Walked  to  Kenwyn  with ,  who  I  rejoice  to 

find  has  not  forgot  the  religious  impressions  of  his  youth.  I 
preached  there  on  1  Tim.  i.  15, to  a  congregation  not  large, 
but  consisting  of  my  acquaintance  almost  entirely,  people 
who  are  in  the  habit  of  hearing  truth.  I  heard  the  commen- 
dations of  several,  during  the  course  of  the  evening,  which 
gave  me  some  uneasiness,  by  fanning  the  flame  of  vanity. 
Visited  some  sick  people  after  tea,  with  one  of  whom  my  soul 
was  much  drawn  out  in  prayer.  But  no  outward  duties  leave  me 
in  a  humble  spiritual  state  of  themselves ;  often  on  the  con- 
trary they  flurry  me,  and  fill  my  heart  with  pride. 

July  23.  At  niMit  walked  throusjh  the  woods  to , 

How  wretched  to  be  in  a  house  where  there  is  a  general  dis- 
regard to  religion !  Though  I  am  unworthy,  through  my  car- 
nal-mindedness,  to  be  of  the  household  of  faith,  and  to  be  a 
fellow- citizen  with  the  saints,  yet  it  would  be  perfect  misery 


104  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

to  me  to  live  with  such  people  as  I  meet  with,  ignorant  of 
God,  and  lovers  of  the  world. 

July  24,  S walked  a  little  way  with  me  towards 

Truro.  I  told  her  gently  of  her  not  adorning  the  doctrine  of 
God,  by  a  cheerful  and  contented  temper.  She  was  in  tears 
at  the  thought  of  her  inward  corruption  as  she  said.  I  went 
on  ray  way  fearful  I  had  not  been  tender  enough  in  my 

behaviour  or  my  thoughts.     Dined  at 's.     Conversation 

as  usual  utterly  insipid.  Tliat  something  might  be  said,  I 
conformed  too  much  in  levity  to  the  rest.  I  find  it  far  more 
difficult  to  preserve  a  devout  and  serious  frame  amongst  my 
friends  here,  among  ^vhom  I  have  always  hitherto  appeared 
a  gay  young  man,  than  in  Cambridge.  I  fear  there  is  a  very 
great  deal  of  dissimulation  in  my  profession. 

July  2.8.  Rode  to  St.  Hilary,  with  my  mind  all  the  way 
thinking  on  nothing,  thus  giving  the  tempter  an  occasion 
against  me. 

July  29.  (Sunday.)  At  St,  Hilary  church  in  the  morning, 
my  thoughts  wandered  from  the  service,  and  I  suffered  the 

keenest  disappointment.     Miss  L G did  not  come. 

Yet  in  great  pain,  I  blessed  God  for  having  kept  her  away, 
as  she  might  have  been  a  snare  to  me.  These  things  would 
be  almost  incredible  to  another,  and  almost  to  myself,  were 
I  not  taught  by  daily  experience,  that  whatever  the  world 
may  say,  or  I  may  think  of  myself,  I  am  a  poor,  wretched, 
sinful,  contemptible  worm. 

Called  after  tea  on  Miss  L G ,*  and  walked  with 

her  and ,  conversing  on  spiritual  subjects.     All  the  rest 

of  the  evening  and  at  night  I  could  not  keep  her  out  of  my 
mind.  I  felt  too  plainly  that  I  loved  her  passionately.  The 
direct  opposition  of  th^s  to  my  devotedness  to  God  in  the 

*  Miss  Lydia  Grenfell. 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  105 

missionary  way,  excited  no  small  tumult  in  my  mind.  In 
conversation,  having  no  divine  sweetness  or  peace,  my  cheer- 
fulness was  affected,  and  consequently  very  hurtful  to  my 
conscience.  At  night  I  continued  an  hour  and  a  half  in 
prayer,  striving  against  this  attachment.  I  read  the  most 
solemn  parts  of  Scripture,  to  realize  to  myself  death  and 
eternity,  and  these  attempts  were  sometimes  blest.  One 
while  I  was  about  to  triumph,  but  in  a  moment  my  heart  had 
wandered  to  the  beloved  idol !  I  went  to  bed  in  great  pain, 
yet  still  rather  superior  to  the  enemy. 

July  30.  Rose  in  great  peace.  God,  by  secret  influence, 
seemed  to  have  caused  the  tempest  of  self-will  to  subside. 
Rode  away  from  St.  Hilary  to  Gwennap  in  peace  of  mind, 
and  meditated  most  of  the  way  on  Rom.  viii.  I  again  de- 
voted myself  to  the  Lord,  and  with  more  of  my  will  than 
last  night.  I  was  much  disposed  to  think  of  subjects  en- 
tirely placed  beyond  the  world,  and  had  strong  desires, 
though  with  heavy  opposition  from  my  corrupt  nature,  after 
that  entire  deadness  to  this  world,  which  David  Brainerd 
manifested.  At  night  I  found  myself  to  have  backslidden  a 
long  way  from  the  life  of  godliness,  to  have  declined  very 
much  since  my  coming  into  Cornwall,  but  especially  since  I 
went  to  St.  Hilary. 

July  31.  Read  and  prayed  this  morning  v/ith  increasing 
victory  over  my  self-will.  The  Vth  of  Romans  was  particu- 
larly suitable  ;  it  was  agreeable  to  me  to  speak  to  God  of 
my  own  corruption  and  helplessness.  Walked  in  the  after- 
noon to  Redruth,  after  having  prayed  over  the  Epistle  to  the 
Ephesians  with  much  seriousness.  On  the  road  I  was  ena- 
bled to  triumph  at  last,  and  found  my  heart  as  pleased  with 
the  prospect  of  a  single  life  in  missionary  labors  as  ever. 
What  is  the  exceeding  greatness  of  his  power  to  usward  who 
believe ! 

Aug.  5.     Walked   in   great  peace  to  St.   Michael's,  and 
5* 


106  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

preached  there  on  John  iv.  10  ;  my  two  sisters  heard  me  for 
the  first  time.  I  labored  greatly  v/ith  an  empty  unsettled 
mind,  but  latterly  my  spirit  rose  again  to  heaven,  and  enjoyed 
great  deadness  to  the  world,  and  clear  views  of  the  work 
which  lay  before  me  in  this  world,  and  of  mj^  passage  into 
eternity. 

Lamorran,  August  6,  1804. 

My  Dear  Sargent, 

*  #  *  #  *  *  # 

How  can  I  sufficiently  adore  the  singular  benefits  of  God 
to  my  family  !  we  are  now  brothers  and  sisters  for  eternity. 
How  cheerfully  can  I  now  go  forth  to  proclaim  the  glories  of 

him  who  hath  done  so  much  for  us. 

*  *  %  ^  *  *  * 

Respecting  your  approaching  union  with  that  excellent 
lady,  I  have  nothing  to  add  at  present,  but  that  you  have 
my  prayers,  both  of  you  ;  and  particularly  does  it  seem  to 
me  a  necessary  petition  that  you  may  not  in  your  mutual  af- 
fection forget  the  Saviour.  May  he  himself  show  us  the 
vanity  of  the  enjoyments  of  this  world ;  and  instead  of 
pleasing  ourselves  with  the  prospect  of  a  happy  continuance 
in  it,  let  us  contemplate  with  greater  satisfaction  the  moment 
of  our  departure  from  it.  *  *  -^  * 

*  *  *  * 

Aug.  1.  Continued  seven  hours  in  the  wood  this  morning. 
In  prayer  my  soul  was  convinced  of  its  trifling  unconcern 
about  souls,  and  was  stirred  up  to  pray  for  a  serious  earnest- 
ness, which  the  Lord  imparted  to  me  in  some  measure.  I 
wrote  with  my  mind  solemnized.  In  the  evening  read  Jon. 
Edwards  on  "  Original  Sin ;"  one  mark  was  a  want  of  love  to 
God ;  how  deeply  do  I  bear  this  mark  engraved  in  my  na- 
ture. In  prayer  at  night  I  was  made  to  feel  a  little  more 
love  to  the  blessed  God. 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  107 

Aug.  8.  Walked  with  Tressilian  to  Lamorran,  with  my 
mind  unsettled  at  first,  but  in  complaining  of  the  deadness 
of  my  heart,  and  asking  to  be  shown  something  for  which 
my  love  to  God  might  be  kindled,  my  heart  was  raised, 
doubtless  by  the  Spirit,  to  great  admiration  and  love  to  God, 
without  having  in  view  any  of  his  particular  benefits,  and 
the  prominent  feature  of  this  affection  in  my  mind  at  the 
time,  was  an  unwillingness  so  much  as  to  think  anything  that 
might  oflfend  him. 

Aug.  12.  Went  by  water  to  Philleigh,  where  I  preached; 

dined  with  Mr.  B ;  finding  no  opportunity  of  talking  on 

religious  subjects,  I  conformed  to  their  worldly  manner  and 
conversation  so  much,  that  in  the  afternoon,  going  to  church, 
I  found  my  conscience  dreadfully  grieved,  and  did  not  re- 
cover from  an  unbelieving  sense  of  guilt  till  I  went  away 
from  them ;  but  I  confessed  my  iniquity  to  the  Lord,  and 
found  returning  peace.  On  the  water,  and  in  the  wood,  as  I 
returned,  my  heart  was  humbled  and  tender. 

Aug.  16.  Rode  to  Truro  with  C ,  unable  to  bring  him 

to  any  useful  conversation.     Dined  at 's,  who  used  eveiy 

argument  to  dissuade  me  from  going  to  India,  some  not 
without  weight,  expressing  withal  great  regard  for  me.     In 

the  evening  called  on  the  two 's,  sent,  I  think,  by  their 

Lord  to  them,  for  they  were  in  great  want  and  dejection  that 
none  visited  them. 

Aug.  17.  Rode  to  Lanivet  with  great  deadness,  except 
when  I  read  the  word  of  God.  0  how  I  blessed  that  pre- 
cious book  for  quickening  me  to  conformity  to  saints  and  holy 

angels,  although  of  a  better  world.     After  tea,  with . 

I  found,  to  my  surprise  and  grief,  his  mind  tinctured  with 
infidehty.  I  was  enabled  to  answer  his  arguments  clearly, 
from  Butler  and  Jonathan  Edwards. 

Aug.  18.  Morning  passed  in  reading  Homer  and  Mathe- 
matics with ,  for  I  could  get  him  to  speak  on  no  other 


108  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [180^* 

subjects.  In  our  walk  we  touched  again  on  the  subject  of 
religion  ;  it  was  my  chief  endeavor  to  point  out  the  necessity 
of  prayer  for  illumination,  even  if  he  beheved  in  natui-al  reli- 
gion only ;  also  of  a  determination  of  acting  up  to  the  light 
he  should  receive,  and  conforming  his  life  to  the  gospel. 
Also  of  inquiring  with  the  humility  of  a  creature. 

Aug.  19.  Though  I  lay  down  in  a  temper  of  poverty  of 
spirit,  my  first  thoughts,  seized  by  the  concerns  of  time  and 
sense,  led  me  to  a  proud  and  discontented  temper;  but 
prayer  brought  me  to  a  better  spirit.  The  church  at  Ken- 
wyn  was  quite  full,  many  outside,  and  many  obliged  to  go 
away.     I  prayed   and  delivered  my  sermon  with  composure 

and  earnestness,  on  2  Cor.  v.  20,  21.     Walked  with , 

and  tried,  I  am  afraid  to  no  purpose,  to  turn  his  wavering 
mind  to  religion.  Felt  chagrined  in  the  evening  at  not  hear- 
ing my  sermon  praised.  Wretched  creature,  full  of  sin  and 
ignorance ;  the  less  reason  I  have  to  be  proud,  the  more 
eagerly  do  I  court  applause.  0  the  blessedness  of  living 
unknown.  But  my  soul  is  encouraged,  and  I  feel  the  want 
of  heavenly  abstraction  from  sin  and  the  world,  and  the 
certainty  that  I  may  receive  it  from  above. 

Aug.  23.  Walked  to  the  sea-side,  and  found  a  large  cave 
singularly  fitted  for  meditation  ;  I  prayed  with  some  sense  of 
the  awful  presence  of  God,  for  the  assistance  of  the  Spirit, 
in  writing  on  Rev.  xxii.  17. 

Aug.  24.  Walked  out,  and  my  mind  was  kept  much  from 
wandering.  In  the  evening  read  Thomas  a  Kempis  with 
much  profit  in  my  room. 

Aug.  25.  Walked  out,  and  had  at  times  my  heart  exalted 
to  God,  but  my  affections  were  only  transient.  After  much 
exertion,  I  got  an  insight  into  the  meaning  of  Rev.  xxii.  17, 
and  walked  up  and  down  with  my  soul  very  solemnly  im- 
pressed, and  my  ideas  flowing  naturally. 

Aug.  26.  Rose    early,  and  walked  out,    invited    by   the 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTIN.  109 

beauty  of  the  morning.  Many  different  pleasing  thoughts 
crowded  on  my  mind,  as  I  viewed  the  sea  and  rocks — mount 
and  bay,  and  thought  of  the  person  who  Uved  near  it ;  but 
for  want  of  checking  my  natural  spirits,  and  fixing  on  one 
subject  of  thought,  I  was  not  much  benefitted  by  my 
meditations. 

Aug.  27.  Walked  to  Marazion,  with  my  heart  more  deliv- 
ered from  its  idolatry,  and  enabled  to  look  steadily  and 
peacefully  to  God.  Reading  in  the  afternoon  to  Lydia 
alone,  from  Dr.  Watts,  there  happened  to  be  among  other 
things  a  prayer  on  entire  preference  of  God  to  the  creature. 
Now,  thought  I,  here  am  I  in  the  presence  of  God  and  my 
idol.  So  I  used  the  prayer  for  myself,  and  addressed  it  to 
God,  who  answered  it,  I  think,  for  my  love  was  kindled  to 
God  and  divine  things,  and  I  felt  cheerfully  resigned  to  the 
will  of  God,  to  forego  the  earthly  joy,  which  I  had  just  been 
desiring  with  my  Avhole  heart.  I  continued  conversing  with 
her,  generally  with  my  heart  in  heaven,  but  every  now  and 
then  resting  on  her.  Parted  with  Lydia,  perhaps  for  ever  in 
this  life.  Walked  to  St.  Hilary,  determining  in  great  tumult 
and  inward  pain  to  be  the  servant  of  God.  My  efforts  were, 
through  mercy,  not  in  vain,  to  feel  the  vanity  of  this  attach- 
ment to  the  creature.  Read  in  Thomas  a  Kempis  many 
chapters,  directly  to  the  purpose ;  the  shortness  of  time,  the 
awfulness  of  death,  and  its  consequences,  rather  settled  my 
mind  to  prayer.  I  devoted  myself  unreservedly  to  the  ser- 
vice of  the  Lord,  to  him,  as  to  one  who  knew  the  great  con- 
flict within,  and  my  firm  resolve  through  his  grace  of  being 
his,  though  it  should  be  with  much  tribulation. 

Aug.  28.  Took  leave  of  St.  Hilary;  Avalked  on,  dw^elling 
at  large  on  the  excellence  of  Lydia.  A  few  faint  struggles 
to  forget  her,  and  delight  in  God,  but  they  were  ineffectual. 
Among  the  many  motives  to  the  subjection  of  self-will,  I 
found  the  thought  of  the  entire  unworthiness  of  a  soul  escaped 


110  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [180-1 

from  hell  to  choose  its  own  will  before  God's,  must  bring  my 
soul  to  a  right  frame.  So  that  while  I  saw  the  necessity  of 
resigning,  for  the  service  of  God,  all  those  joys,  for  the  loss 
of  which  I  could  not  perceive  how  anything  in  heaven  or 
earth  could  be  a  compensation,  I  said  amen  ! 

Aug.  29.  My  mind  taken  up  with  Lydia.  But  once  rea- 
soning in  this  way,  If  God  made  me,  and  wills  my  happiness, 
as  I  do  not  doubt,  then  he  is  providing  for  my  good  by  sep- 
arating me  from  her  ;  this  reasoning  convinced  my  mind.  I 
felt  very  solemnly  and  sweetly  the  excellence  of  serving  God 
faithfully,  of  following  Christ  and  his  apostles,  and  meditated 
with  great  joy  on  the  approach  of  the  end  of  the  world. 
Yet  still  I  enjoyed,  every  now  and  then,  the  thought  of  walk- 
ing hereafter  with  her,  in  the  realms  of  glory,  conversing  on 
the  things  of  God.  My  mind  the  rest  of  the  evening  was 
much  depressed.  I  had  no  desire  to  live  in  this  world ; 
scarcely  could  I  say,  where  I  would  be,  or  what  I  would  do, 
now  that  my  self-will  was  so  strongly  counteracted.  Thus 
God  waits  patiently  for  my  return  from  my  backsliding, 
which  I  would  do  immediately.  If  he  were  to  offer  me  the 
utmost  of  my  wishes,  I  would  say,  not  so.  Lord !  "  Not  my 
will,  but  thine  be  done." 

Aug.  30.  Passed  the  morning  rather  idly,  in  reading  lives 
of  pious  women.  I  felt  an  indescribable  mixture  of  opposing 
emotions.  At  one  time,  about  to  ascend  w^ith  delight  to  God, 
who  had  permitted  me  to  aspire  after  the  same  glory,  but 
oftener  called  down  to  earth,  by  my  earthly  good.  After 
dinner  walked  in  the  garden  for  two  hours,  reasoning  with 
my  perverse  heart,  and  through  God's  mercy  not  without 
success.  To  preach  up  deadness  to  the  world,  and  yet  not 
to  hve  an  example  of  it !  Now  is  the  time,  my  soul,  if  you 
cannot  feel  that  it  is  best  to  bear  the  cross,  to  trust  God 
for  it.  This  will  be  true  faith.  If  I  were  put  in  pos- 
session of  my  idol,  I  should  immediately  say  and  feel  that 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  Ill 

God  alone  was,  notwithstanding,  the  only  good,  and  to  Hini 
I  should  seek  immediately.  Again  I  weighed  the  probable 
temporal  consequence  of  having  my  own  will  gratified  !  the 
dreadful  pain  of  separation  by  death,  after  being  united,  to- 
gether with  the  distress  I  might  bring  upon  her  whom  I 
loved.  All  these  things  were  of  small  influence,  till  I  read 
the  Epistle  to  the  Hebrews,  by  which  my  mind,  made  to  con- 
sider divine  things  attentively,  was  much  more  freed  from 
earthly  things.  I  have  found  grace  to  help  in  this  time  of 
need  ;  I  still  want  a  humble  spirit  to  wait  upon  the  Lord ;  I 
almost  called  God  to  witness,  that  I  truly  resigned  ray  pleas- 
ure to  his,  as  if  I  wished  it  to  be  remembered.  In  the  even- 
ing, had  a  serious  and  solemn  time  in  prayer,  chiefly  for  the 
influences  of  the  Spirit,  and  rose  with  my  thoughts  fixed  on 
eternity.  I  longed  for  death,  and  called  on  the  glorious  day 
to  hasten,  but  it  was  in  order  to  be  free  from  the  troubles  of 
this  world. 

Sept.  2.  (Sunday.)  Preached  at  Helston  church,  and 
greatly  offended  some  ladies,  who  said  they  would  not  go 
again  to  hear  sucli  doctrine ;  accordingly,  in  the  afternoon, 
the  genteel  part  of  the  congregation  was  smaller,  but  the 
poor  more  numerous.  Mr.  Andrews,  a  Methodist,  begged 
me  to  preach  at  their  chapel,  which  I  refused  of  course.  I 
retired  to  my  room,  and  found  my  heart  much  enlarged  in 
solemn  prayer,  and  views  of  eternity.  Joined  Mr.  S.,  and 
pressed  him  closely  on  leaving  off  cards,  plays,  dances,  and 
foi  saking  the  company  of  the  world.  He  seemed  much  con- 
vinced, and  expressed  great  desire  of  a  more  serious  devotion 
of  himself  to  the  service  of  God.  Mr.  0.,  who  had  been  a 
missionary  in  the  West  Indies  for  twelve  years,  called  on  me 
afterwards,  and  gave  me  much  delio-htful  information  con- 
cerning  the  work. 

Sept.  3.  Mr.  S.  called  on  me  this  morning,  to  let  me  know 
how  much  he  was  obliged  to  me  for  my  conversation  with 


112  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

him,  and  that  he  would  not  but  have  seen  me  on  any  account. 
The  Lord  teach  him  to  save  himself  and  them  that  hear  him ! 

I  was  about  to  take  my  leave,  when begged  to  speak  a 

few  words,  which  brought  me  to  ask  him  about  balls,  which 
I  had  heard  he  sometimes  attended.  He  was  convinced  by 
the  arguments  I  adduced,  and  confessed  he  had  been  acting 
wrongly  through  ignorance  and  fear  of  man,  and  determined 
to  have  nothing  more  to  do  with  them.  From  these  things 
I  saw  clearly  the  hand  of  Providence,  conducting  me  to  Hel- 
ston,  whither  I  never  dreamt  of  going  till  just  before.  The 
papers  relating  to  the  Mission  Church,  I  read  through,  and 
from  them  and  Major  Sandys'  accounts,  felt  very  strong  de- 
sires to  go  forth  and  preach.  Rode  to  Redruth  after  dinner, 
with  my  mind  unsettled,  through  love  of  the  world,  or  rather 
my  idol, 

Sept.  5.  Passed  the  evening  with  S — — ,  and  took  occa- 
sion to  beseech  her  to  give  up  herself  wholly  to  God,  without 
which  she  could  not  be  safe. 

Sept.  6.  Retired  for  a  while  to  my  Bethel,  and  after  writ- 
ing a  few  pages,  took  my  leave  of  it  with  solemn  and  affec- 
tionate prayer,  that  I  might  preach  in  the  concourse  of  men 
in  foreign  lands  those  truths  which  I  had  received  and  medi- 
tated upon  there,  and  that  if  I  should  be  spared  to  revisit  it, 
it  might  be  with  great  increase  of  grace  in  my  heart,  and 
after  an  abundant  harvest  of  souls.  Much  of  the  rest  of  the 
day,  till  evening,  passed  in  exhorting  and  comforting  my  sis- 
ter, and  then  took  leave  of  her,  with  great  distress  to  us 
both. 

Sept.  8.  Continued  our  journey  to  Plymouth  Dock,  where 
we  arrived  at  three  o'clock  ;  my  mind  in  the  morning  was 
empty,  for  want  of  prayer,  and  so  ill  prepared  to  exercise  a 
complacent  devotedness  to  God  in  all  that  he  is  about  to  do 
with  me. 
Sept.  11.  Went  to  Exeter.  My  thoughts  were  almost  wholly 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    :.rARTYN.  113 

occupied  with  Lydia,  though  not  in  a  spirit  of  departure  from 
God,  for  I  considered  myself  as  in  his  hands,  and  reposed 
with  confidence  and  peace  on  his  unerring  wisdom.  One  of 
the  passengers  was  a  Unitarian,  and  with  him,  in  a  long  walk 
we  had  before  the  coach,  I  had  a  conversation,  till,  having 
nothing  to  say  in  his  defence,  he  declined  the  subject.  Alas  ! 
it  is  the  love  of  sin  in  all  carnal  men  that  is  at  the  bottom. 
Filled  with  awful  thoughts  of  God's  power  and  sovereignty, 
and  felt  the  dreadful  impiety  of  being  dissatisfied  with  his 
will. 

London,  Sept.  14.  Went  to  St.  Paul's,  to  see  Sir  W. 
Jones's  monument :  the  sight  of  the  interior  of  the  dome  fill- 
ed my  soul  with  inexpressible  ideas  of  the  grandeur  of  God, 
and  the  glory  of  heaven,  much  the  same  as  I  had  at  the 
sight  of  a  painted  vaulted  roof  in  the  British  Museum.  I 
could  scarcely  believe  that  I  might  be  in  the  immediate  en- 
joyment of  such  glory  in  another  hour.  In  the  evening  the 
sound  of  sacred  music,  with  the  sight  of  a  rural  landscape, 
imparted  some  indescribable  emotions  after  the  glory  of  God, 
by  diligence  in  his  work.  To  preach  the  gospel  for  the  sal- 
vation of  ray  poor  fellow-creatures,  that  they  might  obtain 
the  salvation  which  is  in  Christ  Jesus  with  eternal  glory, 
seemed  a  very  sweet  and  precious  employment.  Lydia  then 
aofain  seemed  a  small  hindrance. 

Sept.  15.  Left  London  for  Cambridge.  I  took  no  pains  to 
say  anything  for  the  good  of  the  people,  though  I  might 
certainly  have  done  it. 

Sept.  16.  (Sunday.)  Set  out  for  Stapleford  with  great 
desire  that  not  a  moment  might  pass  without  having  my 
thoughts  in  actual  exercise  about  something  improving.  Yet 
it  was  but  a  poor  day,  for  want  of  reading,  prayer,  and 
watchfulness. 

Rode  home,  and  having  little  time  for  prayer,  went  to 
Trinity  Church  with  my  desires  indeed  after  God,  and  dead- 


114  JOURNAL  AND  LETTERS         [1804. 

ness  to  the  world,  but  unfixed,  unsettled  on  divine  medita- 
tions. Preached  on  2  Cor.  v.  20,  21,  with  no  comfort,  be- 
cause I  appeared  to  offer  to  God  what  cost  me  nothing. 
May  God  apply  the  word,  but  not  for  my  sake  ;  I  must  truly 
say  I  am  an  unprofitable  servant ;  but  through  mercy  God 
does  not  forsake  me,  but  is  quickening  me  to  greater  devoted- 
ness  and  diligence.  0  may  his  grace  enable  me  to  fight 
manfully,  and  to  labor  while  it  is  day,  while  I  am  in  this 
world.     My  rest  remaineth  for  the  next. 

Sept.  17.  Another  unprofitable  day.  My  heart  was  lan- 
guid in  God's  work,  and  wandering  in  pursuit  of  my  earthly 
idol.  Yet  by  meditating  on  Ephes.  ii.  16,  my  soul  was  more 
disposed  to  cleave  to  God,  as  the  chief  good. 

I  stayed  so  long  over  a  difficult  Latin  passage,  that  it  was 
too  late  to  see  anybody  more,  so  I  went  home  and  prayed 
with  some  earnestness,  that  I  might  redeem  the  time.  I  was 
particularly  affected  with  this  thought,  "  Are  there  so  many 
people,  old  and  young,  dying  all  around  me,  and  am  I  con- 
sidering how  I  ma}^  enjoy  myself  in  life  ?"  The  rest  of  the 
evening  read,  and  looked  out  the  parallel  passages  in  the  3rd 
of  Ephesians.  0  may  the  sins  and  negligences  of  this  day 
be  forgiven,  and  the  next  be  passed  with  greater  zeal,  diligence 
and  heavenly-mindedness. 

Sept.  18.  My  pra3'er  of  yesterday  was  heard,  for  this  day 
lias  been  better  spent.  Rose  before  six,  and  prayed  in  heavi- 
ness for  God's  assistance  in  preparing  for  public  ministrations. 
Learnt  some  Scripture  by  heart. 

After  dinner  I  had  two  hours  in  my  room  of  prayer  and 
meditation  on  latter  part  of  Ephes.  iii. ;  then  went  to  a  so- 
ciety, where  I  found  considerable  ease  on  a  difficult  subject, 
and  thus  the  Lord  rewards  the  least  diligence :  let  it  encour- 
age me  to  greater  exertions.  Expounded  to  my  bed-maker, 
at  night,  as  usual,  but  all  the  day  I  have  had  an  inward  con- 
flict between  God  and  the  world.     My  dear  Lydia  and  my 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  115 

duty  call  me  different  ways,  yet  God  hath  not  forsaken  me, 
but  strengthened  me,  though  I  determined  to  do  his  will, 
and  if  I  could  not  find  joy  in  him,  not  to  seek  it  in  anythino- 
else. 

Sept.  19.  Haying  no  society  to  attend  this  day,  I  was  not 
so  w^atchful  over  my  heart ;  such  is  my  corruption !  hypo- 
crisy eyen  in  my  spiritual  desires  !    Lost  a  great  deal  of  time 

by  thinking  on  L —  G .     These  thoughts  may  be  yery 

pleasing  for  the  time,  but  they  leaye  behind  them  tenfold 
pain.  Attempted  to  write  on  Isaiah  ly.  1 — 3,  but  with  httle 
progress,  my  mind  was  so  distracted. 

After  church  called  on  — — ,  whe,  after  professing  for 
twenty-fiv^e  years,  had  now  in  illness  begun  to  fear,  not  with- 
out reason,  that  she  had  never  known  the  grace  of  God  in 
truth.  After  many  vain,  evil,  distrustful  thoughts,  my  mind 
settled  in  prayer  to  God,  and  asked  freely  for  all  ministerial 
gifts  and  graces,  and  begged  of  him  to  fulfil  all  the  good 
pleasure  of  his  will  respecting  me,  not  to  allow  me  to  follow 
the  dictates  of  my  heart,  for  what  I  would  not,  that  do  T. 
It  is  therefore  no  more  I  that  do  it,  but  sin  that  dwelleth  in 
me. 

Sept.  20.  In  my  walk  I  indulged  in  the  pleasing  retrospec- 
tion of  the  mornings  I  had  passed  with  Lydia,  and  at  last 
ceased  from  them  without  repining,  as  I  saw  sufficient  in 
God's  wisdom  and  love,  to  impart  perfect  satisfaction  with 

all  that  he  should  order.     I  was  for  the  rest  of  the  time  o-en- 

o 

erally  in  peace,  sometimes  rejoicing.  Visited ,  the  con- 
versation very  trifling,  but  I  abstained  from  that  levity  to 
which  I  was  tending,  because  it  would  be  inconsistent  with 
the  solemnity  of  the  subject  this  evening.  At  church  m}^ 
soul  was  much  affected  with  the  views  of  eternity. 

Sept.  21.  Rose  and  prayed  under  the  overwhelming  influ- 
ence of  corruption.  I  felt  an  obstinate  dislike  to  all  the  ser- 
vice of  God,  and  an  imhappy  discontent  at  his  righteous  will. 


116  *  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

Yet  I  determined  to  persevere  in  striving  to  live  independ- 
ently of  created  comforts,  small  and  great.  At  the  hour  of 
Avalking  out,  everything  tended  to  recall  gloom ;  yet  I  sum- 
moned up  my  spirits,  and  considered  it  as  an  exercise  of  faith. 
I  once  was  beginning  to  console  myself,  that  I  should  leave 
this  dreary  scene  of  college,  which  appears  indeed  a  wilder- 
ness, after  the  company  of  my  dear  friends  in  Cornwall  and 
Devonshire.  But  I  checked  the  thouo-ht,  as  beinof  full  of 
earthliness,  discontent,  and  folly.  Afterwards  read  a  little 
of  Pearson,  French  translation  of  Soame  Jenyns,  and  Thomas- 
a-Kempis.  Some  of  Fortescue's  poems  set  me  into  a  pensive 
meditation  on  the  happy  mornings  I  had  passed  near  Killa 
^  '^  but  afterwards  it  subsided  into  a  more  profitable 
one  on  the  vanity  of  the  world  ;  "  they  marry,  and  are  given 
in  marriage,"  and  at  the  end  of  a  few  years,  what  are  they 
more  than  myself!  looking  forAvard  to  the  same  dissolution, 
and  expecting  their  real  happiness  in  another  life.  "  The 
fashion  of  this  world  passeth  away,"  Amen.  Let  me  do  the 
will  of  God,  while  I  am  in  it. 

Sept.  22.  Wrote  freely  this  morning,  and  in  my  walk  out 
was  tolerably  peaceful ;  when  my  time  is  well  employed,  the 
things  of  this  world  have  less  power  to  charm.  At  chapel 
my  soul  ascended  to  God,  and  the  sight  of  the  picture  at  the 
altar,  of  John  the  Baptist  preaching  in  the  Avilderness,  ani- 
mated me  exceedingly  to  devotedness  to  the  life  of  a  mission- 
ary ;  passed  most  of  the  evening  in  reading  the  account  of 
the  missionaries  in  India. 

Sept.  23.  (Sunday.)  This  morning  I  had  power  to  check 
my  thoughts  from  wandering  over  the  earth,  and  looked  up 
to  Christ  for  entire  devotedness  to  him.  Prayed  for  all  my 
dear  brethren  in  the  ministry,  and  particularly  the  person 
who  had  warned  me  of  my  not  preaching  Christ.  I  preached 
at  Lolworth  from  2  Cor.  v.  20,  21  ;  I  thought  with  such 
clearness,  that  all  must  have  understood ;  but  a  woman  with 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  117 

whom  I  have  conversed  more  than  once,  discovered  by  her 
conversation  that  she  knew  no  more  of  Christ  than  if  she 
had  never  heard  of  him.  "  Not  by  power,  nor  by  might, 
but  by  my  Spirit,"  is  often  my  refuge.  I  see  that  I  can  only 
sound  the  horns  round  the  Avails  of  Jericho  ;  but  oh,  does  not 
God  withhold  his  Spirit  from  this  benighted  place,  because  I 
do  not  plead  for  them  in  earnest,  nor  bear  them  upon  my 
heart  often  enough  before  Him  ?  I  must  live  much  nearer 
to  the  Lord.  I  am  satisfied  with  going  on  without  anxiety 
for  nearness  to  God,  whereas,  in  the  midst  of  my  troubles,  I 
find  not  a  moment's  peace,  save  in  his  presence.  Oh,  how 
does  it  show  the  corruption  of  my  heart,  that  severe  afflic- 
tions are  necessary  to  keep  me  from  ruin  !  Read  David  Brain- 
erd  to-day  and  yesterday,  and  find,  as  usual,  my  spirit  greatly 
benefited  by  it.  I  long  to  be  hke  him ;  let  me  forget  the 
woild,  and  be  swallowed  up  in  a  desire  to  glorify  God.  I 
am  now  alone  with  God.  Awful  thought !  what  is  there  in 
the  creature  to  be  compared  to  thee  ?  Lord,  remove  the 
veil  from  my  heart,  that  I  may  not  be  so  powerfully  driven 
away  in  contradiction  to  my  reason.  Let  me  cheerfully  re- 
pose in  the  wisdom  of  God,  and  think  of  nothing  now,  but 
how  I  may  walk  agreeably  to  my  Father's  will.  But  wl;at 
conflicts  has         *         *  caused  in  my  mind  !     At  night 

prayed  earnestly  for  an  increase  of  grace  for  usefulness  in  the 
ministr}',  and  felt  a  great  desire  to  deny  myself,  and  to  be 
diligent  for  the  cause  of  the  gospel. 

Sept.  24.  Rose  with  my  mind  heavenward,  after  some 
thoughts  of  God  in  the  night,  but  in  prayer  was  short  and 
superficial. 

Read  and  prayed  with  my  bed-maker ;  read  a  good  deal 
of  Thomas-a-Kempis,  and  with  the  19th  Psalm  closed  the 
reading  of  the  day.  But  no  good  has  been  done  Avithout. 
By  reading  a-Kempis,  I  am  brought  to  ask,  Avhat  keeps  me 
from  such  close  communion  with  God,  but  sin  and  sloth.     Do 


118  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

I  not  know  I  might  enjoy  tlie  same  deadness  to  the  world, 
and  spirituality  of  mind,  were  I  resolutely  to  pursue  the  path 
of  watchfulness,  fasting,  and  prayer  ? 

Sept.  25.  Rose  rather  in  darkness,  but  was  enlivened  by 

prayer.     Called  on  ,  and  exhorted  her,  now  she   was 

raised  to  hfe  again,  to  walk  worthy  of  the  gospel.  As  I 
went  along  the  street,  my  heart  rose  above  earthly  things  to 
God.  I  feel  the  utmost  encouragement,  and  even  desire  to 
go  and  preach  to  the  Hindoos.  My  talents  seem  to  me  to  be 
peculiarly  suited  to  them.  Yet  I  have  need  to  learn  much 
subjugation  of  spirit,  to  be  willing  to  wait  on  these  poor 
people,  and  to  abide  the  Lord's  time  for  their  conversion. 

Sept.  26.  Rose  before  six,  and  walked  to  Shelf ord,  with 
my  mind  in  tolerable  peace,  committing  Scripture  to  memo- 
ry ;  I  found  it  continually  necessary  to  pray  for  the  good  of 
men,  and  particularly  the  persons  I  am  this  day  to  meet.  As 
I  arrived  early,  I  employed  myself  immediately,  that  no  time 
might  be  lost ;  for  the  redemption  of  time  is  absolutely  ne- 
cessary to  my  tranquillity. 

Sept.  27.  Walked  to  Shelford;  somewhat  ruffled  at  a 
trifle,  and  my  mind  getting  further  and  further  from  God. 
But  though  my  spirit  at  the  time  was  so  hateful,  I  returned 
to  him  in  defiance  of  my  corruption,  and  prayed  for  deliver- 
ance, which  I  received.  I  was  enabled  to  be  tolerably 
watchful,  so  as  not  to  lose  sight  of  the  eternal  world.  Dur- 
ing the  interval  between  supper  and  bed-time,  was  looking 
over  the  Beno-alee  scrammar. 

Sept,  28.  Walked  out  just  before  dinner,  Avith  the  melan- 
choly retrospect  of  a  morning  all  lost  through  wanderinir 
thoughts.  But  I  was  taught  by  former  experience,  not  to 
depart  from  God,  but  to  come  nearer  to  him,  which  he  mer- 
cifully permitted  me  to  do  ;  I  calmly  considered  how  loudly 
and  earnestly  all  things  around  me  are  calling  me  to  redeem 
the   time.     Almost  despaired  of  ever   writing  or   speaking 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  119 

with  deep  seriousness.  Yet  by  looking  up  to  God,  I  some- 
what composed  my  mind  into  a  solemn  frame.  At  prayer, 
after  dinner,  my  soul  was  seriously  affected,  and  I  went  to 
my  work  of  visiting  Wall's  Lane,  with  a  heart  strengthened 
against  my  vanities ;  returned  and  finished  the  Bengalee 
grammar,  which  I  had  begun  yesterday,  and  construed  a 
Httle.  I  am  anxious  to  get  Carey's  Bengalee  New  Testa- 
ment. After  tea,  reading  a  version  of  Psalm  cxxxix.  I  felt 
the  presence  of  God  as  very  near  to  me,  and  addressed  him 
with  the  deep  impression  on  my  soul.  0  that  I  could  live  in 
such  a  frame  !  let  me  set  the  Lord  always  before  me.  What 
is  religion  without  the  reality  of  divine  communion  ?  and  how 
shall  I  be  easy  on  my  death-bed,  without  being  more  clearly 
satisfied  of  my  having  partaken  of  it,  than  I  am  at  present  ? 
God  seems  near  to  me,  but  speaks  not ;  but  it  is  because  T  do 
not  ask  him  to  speak ;  I  content  myself  with  telling  him  my 
wants,  but  can  bear  to  be  unanswered,  and  to  be  without 
the  joy  of  the  Holy  Ghost. 

Sept.  29.  Watched  over  my  thoughts  more  steadily  tliis 
day,  and  found  the  benefit,  as  I  delighted  more  in  God. 

Sept.  30.  My  mind  this  morning  was  in  a  frame  of  easily 
ascending  to  God  in  peaceful  solemnity  ;  but  by  the  merest 
carelessness  and  self-confidence,  I  let  my  thoughts  run  upon 
the  world,  and  the  flesh,  till  my  conscience  was  wounded. 
At  intervals  I  recovered,  and  reposed  on  the  wisdom  of  God, 
and  sometimes  through  the  evening,  I  longed  to  be  alone  in 
my  room,  to  have  my  heart  opened  in  prayer. 

Oct.  1.  The  pride  of  my  heart  was  made  manifest  to  me 
this  morning  in  prayer,  but  it  was  a  time  of  spiritual 
strengthening  to  me.  Read  at  the  hospital,  and  called  on 
,  &c.  My  own  heart  was  not  the  better  for  these  min- 
istrations, but  rather  puffed  up  with  pride  and  arrogance. 
But  in  prayer  I  found  myself  restored  to  a  right  frame. 


120  JOURNAL  AND  LETTERS         [1804. 


CHAPTER    VI 


Oct  2.  My  mind  was  seriously  turned  towards  God,  some- 
what in  a  spirit  of  calm  devotion,  this  morning.  Read 
Thomas  a  Kempis,  and  a  few  hymns,  with  some  sweetness  of 
soul.     Engaged  all  the   rest  of  the  morning  by   Gilchiist's 

Hindoostanee    Dictionary.     Walked  with   A ,  but  from 

having  no  prayer,  nor  reading,  nor  religious  thought,  I  was 
very  little  disposed  for  edifying  conversation.  The  loss  of 
time  made  me  also  rather  petulant.  In  my  walk  afterwards 
alone,  having  no  Bible,  I  endeavored  to  repeat  to  myself  the 
Epistle  to  the  Ephesians,  which  brought  me  nearer  to  God, 
and  kept  me  from  darkness  and  peevishness. 

Read  some  missionary  accounts,  and  felt  my  heart  expand- 
ed with  love,  and  gratitude,  and  praise,  for  what  God  is 
doing.  Oh  that  it  may  please  my  God  in  his  mercy,  to  send 
me  forth  into  this  vineyard.  I  could  almost  say  it  is  my  su- 
preme and  fervent  desire,  that  God  may  be  glorified,  were  it 
not  that  my  slowness  to  labor  in  my  present  post  seems  to 
offer  a  plain  contradiction  to  this.  Oh  that  the  Spirit  would 
kindle  a  holy  zeal  within  me,  and  give  me  the  victory  over 
the  world  and  the  flesh  !  for  it  is  to  spare  this,  that  the  devil 
tempts  me  to  neglect  the  work  of  God.  Oh  that  my  eyes 
were  opened,  that  I  might  see  the  heavens,  and  Jesus  stand- 
ing at  the  right  hand  of  God  ! 

Oct.  3.  Went  out,  designing  to  call  at  all  the  houses, 
about  having  the  children  catechized ;  afterwards,  when  I 
ought  to  have  read  the  scriptures  and  prayed,  I  took  up  the 
Missionary  accounts,  and  so   the   opportunity  was  lost.     I 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  121 

went  out,  groaning  heavily  at  my  careless  walk  with  God.  I 
pray  that  he  take  not  his  Holy  Spirit  from  me.     Afterwards 

called  upon ,  and  used  every  possible  illustration  and 

argument,  to  convince  them  of  sin,  and  lead  them  to  Christ, 
but  all  in  vain  ;  I  then  prayed  with  them.  I  was  much 
pained  and  humbled  at  reflecting,  that  it  has  never  yet  to-my 
knowledge  pleased  God  to  awaken  one  soul  by  my  means, 
either  in  public  or  private, — shame  be  to  myself.  Now, 
what  is  there  v/rong  in  my  spirit  ?  When  I  ask  the  ques- 
tion, my  conscience  may  immediately  reply.  What  is  there, 
which  is  not  wretchedly  proud  and  lukewarm  ?  but  I  desire 
nothing  pleasing  or  honorable  to  myself.  God  forbid  !  but 
oh  let  me  be  found  doing  my  duty  ! 

Oct.  4.  Walked  out,  and  instead  of  grieving  at  my  mise- 
rable unprofitableness,  began  to  think  of  Lydia,  but  almost 
without  a  wish  to  live  at  home  for  her.  With  all  my  worth- 
lessness,  and  deadness,  and  stupidity,  I  would  not  wish  to 
exist,  unless  I  hoped  to  live  entirely  for  God.  In  the  after- 
noon, Avalked  about  with  my  mind  harassed  and  hurt  by 
many  vanities.  Alas,  I  do  not  live  like  a  follower  of  the 
Lord  Jesus  Christ,  bidding  farewell  to  this  world ;  yet  God 
helping  me,  I  will  be  a  holy  man.  Read  the  service  with 
some  humiliation,  and  desired  to  be  alone  to  pour  out  my 
soul  to  God.  Mr.  Simeon  preached  on  "  Chriat  is  all  and  in 
all ;"  it  was  very  serious  and  consoling  to  me.  If  it  be  a 
true  mark,  to  desire  to  be  delivered  from  an  evil  nature,  and 
to  put  on  the  new  man,  then  I  trust  that  I  possess  that.  I 
scarcely  know  what  time  to  devote  to  sermon-writing.  I  do 
waste  a  prodigious  part  of  it  in  this  way.  I  cannot  but  think, 
that  if  I  read  more  of  scripture,  and  prayed  more,  and  was 
more  engaged  in  active  exertion  for  my  parishes,  I  should 
have  more  spirituality  and  freedom  in  composition. 

Oct.  5.  This  was  a  day  I  had  intended  for  fasting  and 
prayer,  of  which  my  soul  greatly  stands  in  need ;  but  unfor- 
6 


122  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

seen  engagements  prevented  it.  All  that  I  see,  and  read, 
and  think  of,  in  the  creature,  though  it  be  of  a  religious  na- 
ture, is  utterly  unsatisfying.  Then  why  do  I  not  keep  nearer 
to  God  ?  how  is  it,  that  everything  can  engage  me  more 
easily  than  he  ? 

Oct.  6.  Finished  the  Missionary  accounts ;  and  glad  I  am, 
for  they  have  taken  up  my  time  so  much  this  week,  they 
have  drawn  me  away  from  study,  reading,  and  prayer.  I 
desire  thankfully  to  acknowledge  that  it  is  the  Lord's  mercy, 
and  I  trust  through  the  intercession  of  Christ,  that  I  am  not 
cut  down  as  a  cumberer  of  the  ground. 

Oct.  7.  (Sunday.)  On  my  road  home  from  Stapleford,  it 
w^as  the  querulous  inquiry  of  my  heart,  "  Who  will  show  me 
any  good?"  I  could  not  but  perceive  the  necessity  of  en- 
tirely disregarding  all  created  delights,  and  amongst  them, 
the  communion  of  saints,  so  far  as  to  be  able  to  live  happily 
in  the  enjoyment  of  God.  But  without  tasting  this  enjoy- 
ment at  the  instant,  it  is  very  trying  to  faith,  to  resign  all 
things  else.  But  as  a  missionary,  how  strongly  am  I  called 
upon  to  do  this  !  God  is  indeed,  I  know  and  feel,  an  all- 
sufficient  portion ;  but  unless  he  is  near,  how  melancholy  is 
my  life  likely  to  be  !  for  how  slow  is  my  heart  to  seek  him, 
how  soon  tired  with  spiritual  meditation !  Found  some 
sweetness  at  church,  but  mixed  and  spoiled  at  last,  by  a 
great  deal  of  vanity. 

Oct.  8.  Morning  was  taken  up  by  sermon,  on  which  I  was 
obliged  continually  to  fix  my  steady  attention ;  and  though  I 
got  on  very  little,  yet  I  was  not  dissatisfied,  as  it  was  not 

through  idleness.     S gave  raie  a  letter  from  Mr.  Brown 

of  Calcutta,  which  gave  great  delight  on  many  accounts. 
Found  great  affection  in  prayer  for  my  dear  brethren  at  Cal- 
cutta, for  the  establishing  of  Christ's  kingdom  among  the 
poor  Gentiles,  and  for  my  being  sent  among  them,  if  it  Avere 
his  will.     But  0  that  I  had  zeal  to  labor  more  for  the  be- 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  123 

mghted  people  among  whom  I  minister !  Well,  I  trust  God 
will  bold  up  my  hands,  and  help  me  to  be  that  active  holy- 
minister  of  God,  from  being  which  I  am  yet  so  far  distant. 
Read  some  of  the  Bengalee  Grammar  at  night,  and  learnt 
some  of  the  beginning  of  2  Corinthians. 

Oct.  9.  Greatly  distracted  in  prayer  this  morning.  1  man- 
ifestly wanted  to  be  about  something  else,  and  to  have  done 
after  having  satisfied  my  conscience.  But  it  pleased  God  to 
convince  me  of  my  wickedness,  and  to  teach  me  to  call  upon 
him  faithfully.  Read  to  my  bed-maker  the  11th  of  Luke; 
found  my  mind  solemnized,  but  what  little  reason  have  I  ever 
to  be  satisfied  either  with  the  matter  or  manner  of  what  I 
say  to  her,  or  to  any,  on  the  subject  of  their  souls !  Setting 
to  my  Avork  of  writing  a  sermon  to-night  with  some  zeal,  my 
heart  was  exceedingly  enlivened  at  looking  through  time 
into  eternity,  and  seeing  nothing  but  works  of  love  to  be  done. 
"  Sweet  is  the  work  !  my  God,  my  King  ! 

Oct.  11.  Thinking  my  mind  was  in  need  of  recreation,  I 
took  up  Lord  Teignmouth's  Life  of  Su'  William  Jones,  and 
read  till  tea.  At  church  my  heart  was  softened  by  the  pre- 
cious hand  of  mercy. 

How  soon  a  season  of  humiliation  is  at  an  end,  though  the  I 
occasion  remains  !     I  am  soon  returned  to  self-complacency. 
In  my  walk  out,  did  not  use  any  restraint  in  my  thoughts,  as 
my  mind  and  body  were  greatly  fatigued  with  sitting  up  so 
late ;  though  happily  they  did  not  go  far  from  God. 

Oct.  14.  (Sunday.)  The  morning,  dark  and  lowering, 
rather  depressed  my  spirits ;  so  easil}^  does  any  outward  cir- 
cumstance affect  me,  but  by  faith  and  prayer  I  soon  got  be- 
yond present  things.  Many  times  to-day,  as  on  other  days, 
I  have  had  great  difficulty  in  endeavoring  to  maintain,  or  pray 
for,  the  two  graces  of  fervor  and  humility  at  the  same  time. 
I  cannot  be  happy  a  moment,  without  some  conviction  of  ray 
own  worthlessness ;    and   it  is  for  the  honor  of  God  that  I 


124  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

should  be  fervent  in  spirit.     Received  a  letter  from , 

which  filled  me  with  grief  and  disappointment ;  not  one  word 
of  any  kind  on  the  subject  of  religion.  At  Lolworth  preached 
on  Isai^ih  Ixiii.  1.  In  prayer  before  and  after  the  sermon,  I 
enjoyed  the  happy  presence  of  God,  in  whom  I  found  I  could 
be  glad,  though  Israel  was  not  gathered.  On  my  ride  home 
I  was  beginning  to  be  very  much  dejected  about  passing  my 
life  in  such  solitary  scenes,  and  having  to  do  with  obstinate, 
ignorant  people.  But  oh,  I  thought,  Christ  is  very  patient 
in  teaching  me.  My  peace  returned  by  this  consideration  ; 
I  had  nothing  to  do  with  events ;  it  was  my  simple  business 
to  do  his  will ;  it  is  in  his  power  to  convert  men,  and  if  he 
does  not  by  my  ministry,  I  may  still  rejoice  in  him.  My  hap- 
piness and  business  is  private  communion  with  God ;  there 
diligence  will  never  be  disappointed.  All  the  rest  of  the 
evening  my  soul  enjoyed  much  love  and  joy.  Had  I  been 
more  free  from  the  world,  and  vanity,  and  self,  it  would  have 
been  more  pure  and  lasting.  The  circumstances  of  public 
worship,  sight  of  so  many  pious  souls,  singing  with  them, 
&c.,  animate  the  religious  affections  in  a  manner;  yet  I  sel- 
dom find  them  genuine  ;  I  am  more  frequently  persuading 
myself,  I  am  enjoying  spiritual  things,  than  really  enjoying 
them.  If  at  any  time,  as  to-night  at  church,  I  can  think  of 
God,  as  one  alone  with  me,  I  find  divine  pleasure  to  be  some- 
thing very  different ;  that  debases  self,  holds  up  wise,  clear, 
powerful  views  of  things,  and  produces  serious  conduct.  Mr. 
Simeon,  in  his  excellent  sermon  to-night,  observed,  that  it 
was  more  easy  for  a  minister  to  preach  and  study  five  hours, 
than  to  pray  for  his  people  one  half  hour;  this  I  believe,  and 
that  it  arises  from  unbelief.  Perhaps  it  is  to  stir  up  my  soul 
to  the  habit  and  spirit  of  prayer  and  supplication,  that  God 
gives  me  not  to  see  the  least  fruit,  but  things  rather  getting 
worse.  But  I  have  really  need  first  to  pray  for  a  heart  to 
\  pray  for  them. 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  125 

Oct.  15.  In  writing  to  this  morning,  my  heart  was 

filled  with  abliorrence  of  that  Evil  Spirit,  who  is  endeavoring 
to  deceive  her,  as  he  does  the  nations ;  and  I  longed  to  spend 
and  be  spent,  if  I  might  be  the  means  of  demolishing  his 
strong  holds.  0,  when  shall  the  kingdoms  of  this  world  be- 
come the  kingdoms  of  God  and  of  his  Christ !  0  that  I 
might  be  a  fellow- worker  with  Christ !  I  perceive  in  some 
degree,  when  darkness  is  a  little  removed  from  my  own  eyes, 
that  the  prince  of  the  power  of  the  air  now  ruleth,  but 
Christ  came  to  destroy  him,  and  restore  us  to  God  and  hap- 
piness ;  and,  my  soul !  what  hast  thou  to  do  with  ease,  when 
Christ,  who  came  from  heaven  in  such  love,  is  waiting  for 
ministers  like-minded  ?  What  hast  thou  to  do  with  the  bo- 
dv,  with  the  things  of  time  and  sense?  They  are  not  thy 
business ;  they  would  be  in  a  measure,  vrert  thou  not  a  min- 
ister ;  but  now  thou  hast  nothing  to  do,  but  to  stand  be- 
tween the  dead  and  living.  In  my  walk  out,  I  could  speak 
only  in  praise;  the  145th  Psalm  was  very  suitable  to  my 
feelings.  From  dinner  till  supper  I  was  employed  in  visit- 
ing and  catechizing  the  children.  After  supper  read  the 
Benoralee  letters,  and  before,  Sir  W.  Jones's  Life.  Lost  in 
the  course  of  this  time  almost  all  those  views  of  things  I 
had  in  the  morning,  and  found  myself  just  in  my  usual 
frame  ;  averse  to  the  duties  of  the  ministry ;  but  God  in  his 
mercy  restored  them  in  answer  to  ejaculatory  prayer.  Now 
I  approve  the  things  that  are  excellent,  but  my  faith  is  weak. 
I  tremble,  lest  the  body  should  tempt  me,  as  it  always  does, 
to  consult  its  ease.  But,  Lord,  help  my  unbelief ;  help  me 
to  launch  boldly  forth  at  thy  command,  into  a  life  of  unre- 
mitted diligence  and  zeal,  and  to  believe  that  as  my  day  is, 
so  shall  my  strength  be. 

Oct.  16.  Endeavored  to  consider  Isaiah  xlix.,  and  read  the 
other  chapters  following,  with  great  delight ;  my  heart  was 
rather  dra\vn  out  for  the  prosperity  of  Zion,  but  I  wanted  a 


126  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

poor  and  contrite  spirit.  Went  to  the  Society  and  found  Mr. 
Simeon ;  during  the  hymn,  and  reading  of  Psahn  xxii.,  in 
which  he  pointed  out  the  necessity  of  praise,  I  was  in  a 
frame  of  great  joy,  and  in  prayer  I  scarcely  ever  had  my 
heart  more  full  of  praise  ;  I  could  only  speak  in  the  lan- 
guage of  praise ;  yet  did  my  wicked  heart  pride  itself  on 
beinof  in  this  state.  Read  Sir  W.  Jones's  Life  in  the  even- 
ing;  0,  the  misery,  vanity,  and  folly  of  the  best  of  a 
worldly  man's  life  !  in  all  his  plans  of  study,  which  should 
embrace  every  subject  of  human  attention,  religion  bears  no 
place  ;  they  seem  to  fancy  religion  and  virtue  to  be  the  same 
thing ;  they  abstain  from  a  few  vices,  and  say  a  few  prayers, 
in  the  same  spirit  that  a  child  repeats  its  lesson  to  a  school- 
master ;  fearing  his  punishment,  or  expecting  his  reward. 
Oh,  ye  philosophers,  poets  and  scholars,  whither  are  ye 
gone  ?  What  avails  it,  that  you  lived  on  that  human  praise 
you  so  greatly  desired  ?  Let  me  with  wonder  adore  the 
mercy  of  God,  in  giving  me  to  see  the  folly  and  misery  of  a 
life  devoted  to  the  most  diligent  studies.     May  I  never  again 

be  taken  in  the  snare  !     How  mean  does appear  in  my 

view  compared  with  Brainerd  ! 

Oct.  17.  After  dinner  walked  to  Lolworth ;  went  to 
Smith's  house.  We  sang  a  hymn,  and  I  then  explained  the 
parable  of  the  barren  fig-tree.  In  the  midst  of  the  prayer, 
a  man  fell  down,  and  was  carried  out,  and  our  meeting 
ended  ;  the  man  was  young  and  of  a  dull  disposition,  and 
never  had  a  fit  of  any  kind  before,  and  the  room  was  by  no 
means  warm ;  I  did  not  much  like  the  event,  instantly  recol- 
lecting the  Methodist  accounts.  I  took  care  to  say  nothing 
to  him  about  religion,  lest  I  should  give  countenance  to  what 

I  foresee  will  be  said  of  this.     Mr.  C told  me  that  my 

preaching  would  not  do  at  all  for  this  place.  This  much 
dejected  me  all  the  rest  of  the  evening,  because  I  was  told 
of  my  faults,  and  did  not  like  to  find  I  was  so  little  esteemed 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  127 

by  my  hearers  ;  yet  I  am  bound  to  bless  the  Lord  for  every 
additional  ray  of  truth  that  he  sends  me. 

Oct.  18.  0  tlie  vanity  and  unprofitableness  of  the  day,  \ 
in  which  there  is  no  exercise  of  heavenly-mindedness !  What 
signifies  everything  that  happens  outwardly,  if  I  am  not  fa- 
mihar  with  the  things  which  lie  between  God  and  my  own 
soul  ?  At  church  had  a  longing  desire  for  the  coming  of 
Christ's  kingdom,  and  asked  myself,  how  is  it  possible  I  have 
not  striven  in  prayer  for  the  manifestation  of  his  glory 
among  all  men  ?  I  resolved,  if  nothing  prevents,  to  appro- 
propriate  some  hours  to-morrow  to  special  prayer  and 
meditation. 

Oct.  19.  From  one  to  five,  I  was  enoraaed,  accordino^  to 
my  intention,  in  prayer  and  reading  ;  for  the  first  hour  I  was 
tolerably  fixed  in  prayer,  chiefly  in  humiliation  and  interces- 
sion. For  my  dear  sister,  I  wrestled  with  more  earnestness 
than  I  have  yet  done  for  any  one  ;  but  yet  I  have  reason  to 
be  astonished  and  grieved  at  the  insensibility  of  my  heart. 
The  rest  of  the  time  passed  in  learning  the  Epistle  to  the 
Hebrews,  and  praying  for  the  church.  My  soul  enjoyed 
much  seriousness  at  times,  but  there  was  much  wandering 
and  coldness  upon  me.  In  reading  the  last  chapter  of  Rev- 
elations, and  in  prayer,  I  was  filled  with  love  and  joy,  so 
much  that  I  was  very  unwilling  to  leave  off. 

Oct.  20.  The  carnal  spirit,  this  morning,  was  subdued  by 
prayer.  In  the  afternoon,  finished  Sir  AV.  Jones's  Life.  My 
mind  was  much  impressed  by  some  things  in  it  of  the  gran- 
deur of  God,  so  that  when  1  kneeled  in  prayer,  my  soul  was 
filled  with  veneration. 

Oct.  21.  (Sunday.)  Rose  late,  and  stupid  through  lying 
too  long  in  bed  ;  I  could  not  but  abhor  myself  for  the  loss  of 
such  precious  time,  when  I  mio-ht  have  been  earlv  interced- 
ing  for  souls,  and  preparing  my  own  spirit  for  the  service  of 
the  day  ;  the  bitter  reflection  on  my  unprofitableness  much 


128  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

dejected  me.  Had  an  hour  to  myself  before  evening  church, 
in  which  my  soul  got  comfort  from  prayer  and  reading 
hymns.  I  looked  up  to  Christ  for  grace  to  enable  me  to  live 
mdependent  of  those  delightful  ordinances  I  was  about  to 
partake  of,  and  to  be  ready  at  his  command  to  be  sent  out 
to  some  dark  place,  to  teach  one  poor  creature,  and  to  wan- 
der in  a  dreary  desert.  In  endeavoring  to  feel  how  good  it 
was  to  be  thus  the  servant  of  my  Lord,  I  found  fellowship 
with  him  ;  there  was  not  much  joy,  but  I  was  fully  assured 
of  the  reality  of  the  communion.  I  felt  the  utmost  dread 
and  abhorrence  of  any  sin,  while  he,  my  friend  and  master, 
was  thus  looking  upon  me.  At  church  I  enjoyed  the  pre- 
sence of  Christ.  ■•'  ^  "  ^  ^• 
Oct.  23.  Having  no  particular  ministration,  I  expected 
much  reading  and  profit.  But  very  soon  my  perverse  will 
w^as  contradicted  by  conscience.  I  wanted  to  be  at  one  study, 
■when  duty  called  me  to  another.  Very  unwillingly  left  the 
Ben'galee  and  Milner's  Church  History,  for  writing  sermon. 
Yfalked  out,  fretting  with  wdiat  I  called  the  great  folly  of 
mankind.  In  the  midst  of  my  misery,  I  tried  to  think  of 
Jesus,  how  he  might  have  scorned  the  ignorance  of  men,  how 
his  patience  might  have  been  wearied  out  with  me.  But  it 
was  not  till  I  learnt  some  of  Psalm  cxix.  that  1  could  return 
to  a  proper  spirit.  On  my  return  home,  being  utterly  averse 
to  any  exertion  of  mind,  which  seemed  jaded,  I  fell  upon  my 
knees  before  God,  and  found  my  spirit  revive  a  little.  Yet  I 
found  it  necessary  to  read  Bengalee,  as  requiring  less  thought. 
I  continued  afterwards,  to  a  very  late  hour,  thinking  and 
writing  on  a  subject.  Thomas  a-Kempis  says,  '  We  ought  to 
praise  God  for  seasons  of  darkness  ;'  but  so  clearly  has  my 
own  wicked  heart  been  the  cause  of  this  day's  unhappiness, 
that  I  have  nothing  to  do  but  humble  myself. 

Oct.  25.  Passed  the  time  till  my  pupils  came,  in  writing 
to  my  sister.     With  them  I  was  rather  more  serious,  but  my 


1804. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.         129 

conversation  was  by  no  means  "  in  meekness  of  wisdom." 
Walked  out,  and  tasted  at  times  great  joy  and  peace,  in  the 
presence  of  God ;  but  at  last  found  that  humiliation  was 
more  suitable  to  my  state,  and  in  this  temper  I  enjoyed  much 
true  happiness.  Some  friends  with  me  in  the  afternoon  ;  but 
I  was  careless,  and  so  the  time  passed  unprofitably.  My 
spirit  groaned  in  prayer  afterwards  at  my  constant  unpro- 
fitableness, and  I  went  to  church  reflecting  on  ray  worthless- 
ness  and  corruption.  How  unworthy  am  I  to  be  found 
among  God's  people  ! 

Oct.  26.  It  is  a  trouble  with  me,  every  hour  of  everyday, 
to  get  my  thoughts  to  God.  Scarcely  ever  is  my  mind,  at 
rising,  meekly  devout.  Commenced  my  work  of  writing,  in 
the  fear  of  God,  and  the  humbling  sense  of  my  own  utter 
unfruitfulness,  but  advanced  very  little.  Having  occasion  to 
conult '^Jonathan  Edwards  on  Redemption,  I  was  much 
arrested  by  the  conclusion  of  it. — 0  eternity  !  how  real.  My 
soul  trembled,  lest  amid  the  glory  of  the  last  day,  I  should 
be  found  unworthy  of  partaking  in  it ;  and  but  for  Christ, 
what  should  I  do  ? 

Oct.  27.  Rose  early,  learnt  some  scripture,  and  walked. 

In  my  walk  met  T ,  with  whom  I  thought  it  right  not 

to  be  pressing  on  the  subject  of  religion.  At  night,  in 
prayer,  Satan  sent  one  of  his  fiery  darts  into  my  thoughts  by 
means  of  the  imagination,  which  almost  drank  up  my  spirit ; 
but  I  cried  fervently  for  deliverance,  casting  the  sin  upon  the 
Devil,  and  myself  upon  the  Lord,  and  found  him  come  to  my 
peace  and  composure. 

Oct.  29.  An  hour  and  a  half  I  passed  with  two  sick  peo- 
ple, one  of  whom,  a  dying  man,  was  awakened  to  a  sense  of 
sin,  and  the  other,  a  daufrhter  of  the  Lord  Almio-hty.  With 
the  former  I  was  enabled  to  pray  more  fervently  than  the 
latter.  In  the  midst  of  confusion,  of  calls  of  friends  and 
Avorldly  business,  I  was  beginning  to  feel  some  reluctance  to 


130  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

visit  them ;  but  very  soon  my  soul  found  it  good  to  go,  as 
the  messenger  of  peace,  and  minister  to  the  departing  spirit. 
In  my  walk  had  more  joy  than  peace,  too  little  humility  and 
too  great  elation  of  spirits,  chiefly  because  I  was  to  dine  at 

's,  with  my  dear  Christian  friends.     But  indeed  it  was 

a  most  unprofitable  meeting  for  us.  I  blame  my  dear 
brethren,  but  much  more  myself,  for  not  introducing  spiritual 
thing  ;  stheir  minds  seemed  engaged  very  much  in  this  busi- 
ness, but  mine  was  free  and  joyful,  and  I  ought  therefore  to 
have  been  forward  in  such  conversation.  I  tremble  for  this 
place,  lest  the  candlestick  should  be  removed.  Oh  that  the 
spirit  of  prayer  and  intercession  may  be  poured  out  upon  me, 
that  all  my  own  lukewarmness,  and  the  sorrows  of  Zion, 
may  be  removed  by  a  prayer-hearing  God  ! 

Oct.  30.  Another  day  has  passed,  and  I  am  nearer 
eternity.  Oh  that  I  could  dwell  in  eternity,  araiast  the 
distracting  avocations  of  time !  There  seems  a  certain 
strangeness  in  my  mind  to  it,  as  if  I  had  thought  but  little 
of  another  world  this  day.  Walked  out  rather  confused,  but 
was  soon  able  to  think  of  sermon,  with  my  mind  breathing 
freely  the  air  of  religion ;  being  enabled  to  see  that  the  work 
of  the  ministry,  and  preparing  for  another  world,  were  my 
whole  business.  Read  a  little  of  Bengalee,  and  at  night 
some  choruses  of  Sophocles,  and  Lucretius,  in  order  to 
examine  a  pupil.  It  is  astonishing  what  a  snare  such  reading 
is  to  me ;    but    I    returned  to  the   Bible,  not  unfitted  for 

enjoying  it,  as  was  once  the  case.     In  reading  to ,  felt 

condemned  by  the  words,  that  "  men  should  pray  always, 
and  not  faint."  Christ  prepared  himself  for  the  ministr}^  by 
long,  and  constant,  and  fervent  prayers.  So  should  I  lose  less 
time  in  endeavoring  to  write,  if  my  mind  were  more  spirit- 
ualized by  prayer. 

Oct.  31.  At  church  I  was  guilty  of  great  irreverence,  from 
having  been  in  light  conversation  just  before,  and  felt  the 


1804. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.  131 

guilt  of  it  in  prayer  afterwards,  at  which  time  my  mind  was 
solemnized.  After  dinner,  and  a  short  prayer,  I  went  forth 
with  satisfaction  and  pleasure,  to  the  work  of  visiting  the 
sick.  In  my  rooms  afterwards,  I  found  my  mind  spiritually 
alive  to  God,  though  amid  much  struggling  of  sinful  temper, 
of  which  hateful  sin  may  the  Lord  make  me  ashamed  !  I 
have  more  occasion  to  strive  against  it  in  secret,  than  before 
men.     It  is  seldom  I  can  enjoy  a  meek  spirit. 

November  1.  My  heart  towards  God  at  rising,  and  in  a 
short  walk  had  a  watchful  sense  of  divine  presence  after 
prayer.  With  pupils,  not  at  all  guarded  enough  yet.  I 
walked  out  in  this  temper,  and  though,  besides  this,  I  was 
assaulted  with  evil  thoughts,  yet  in  all  my  miseiy  and  sin,  I 
simply  cast  myself  into  the  fountain  of  Christ's  blood,  and 
found  peace.  To  bring  my  mind  to  sobriety  and  deadness 
to  the  World,  I  repeated  Isaiah  liii.  with  much  effect.  At 
church  at  night  my  soul  was  touched  with  devotion.  How 
precious  was  the  presence  of  God,  after  so  much  intercoiu'se 
with  his  creatures  !  Mr.  S.  told  me,  that  if  I  were  on  the 
Bengal  establishment,  my  salary  would  be  £1200  a  year. 
I  told  Farish,  that  I  remembered  his  words,  that  I  should  be 
in  danger  of  worldly-mindedness.  At  present  I  feel  no 
desire  after  the  riches  of  the  world. 

Nov.  2.  Labored  in  prayer  this  morning  for  a  right  spirit 
of  seriousness  without  pride,  and  was  enabled  to  sit  down  to 
my  work  with  a  watchful  sense  of  God's  presence.  With 
my  pupils  rather  better,  but  by  no  means  sufficiently  self- 
governing.  In  my  walk  I  felt  scarcely  the  least  wish  for  a 
settlement  in  this  world,  and  I  found  that  I  could  decide 
between  marriage  and  celibacy  with  simple  reference  to  God's 
glory  and  my  general  usefulness.  In  the  afternoon  enjoyed 
solemn  thoughts  in  prayer,  and  visited  one  poor  penitent  soul, 
with  whom  I  had  prayed  the  day  before  yesterday.  The 
desires  she  expressed  amidst  her  tears  were,  that  God  would 


132  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

chano-e  her  heart,  and  forgive  her,  and  take  her  to  his  mercy. 
If  it  was  his  will,  she  wished  to  leave  this  world.  But  what 
if  she  should  live  ? — I  asked  her.  She  said,  she  could  not 
say 'she  should  never  sin,  as  she  was  constantly  liable  ;  hut 
rather  than  turn  to  her  former  ways  she  would  be  cut  in 
pieces.  I  was  much  affected  with  pity,  and  preached  the 
gospel  grace  with  much  delight  to  her.  In  my  rooms,  read 
for  the  eA^ening  class,  and  prayed  with  my  heart  full  of  awful 
thoughts. 

Nov.  3.  After  the  usual  business  of  the  evening,  I  walked 
in  the  fellows'  garden,  thinking  on  sermon,  with  great  fervor 
of  spirit,  though  with  much  pride  and  want  of  love.  After 
dinner,  I  prayed  earnestly,  and  continued  writing  sermon  till 
late  at  night,  in  general  enjoying  God's  presence,  and  looking 
up  to  him,  to  correct  my  spirit,  that  I  might  be  meek  and 
tender,  and  might  write  with  seriousness,  not  to  please  men 
but  God.  It  was  a  very  long  study,  but  a  pleasant  one:  I 
left  off  satisfied  and  peaceful,  at  thinkinp-  that  the  happiness 
of  life  consisted  in  communion  with  God,  of  which  none 
could  deprive  me ;  and  happy  also  and  peaceful,  at  the  pros- 
pect of  death,  as  not  far  off.  I  sometimes  tremble  at  not 
having  suffered  more  for  Christ ;  but  I  trust  I  am  ready  to 
undergo  it  all. 

Nov.  4.  Endeavored  to  recall  my  mind  from  its  usual  wan- 
derings, by  looking  to  God,  to  prepare  me  for  morning  prayer, 
in  Avhich  I  found  myself  solemnly  impressed ;  but  during  a 
short  walk,  pride  gathered  a  cloud  over  my  peace,  but  it  was 
somewhat  brought  down  again.  Rode  to  Lolworth  and 
preached  there,  on  Acts  xvi.  29 — 31,  but  the  people  were 
inattentive.  I  was  in  consequence  much  dejected  on  my  road 
home,  and  afterwards ;  but  by  simply  looking  up  as  a  sinner 
to  God,  I  found  an  awful  seriousness  about  souls ;  and  at 
church,  in  the  evening,  in  preaching  the  same  sermon,  I  found 
by  the  attention  of  the  people,  that  the  fervor  of  my  spirit 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  133 

yesterday  had  been  conveyed  into  the  sermon.  I  came  to 
my  rooms,  not,  as  usual,  flurried,  but  rejoicing  to  be  alone, 
and  to  hold  communion  with  God.  Truly  God  is  good  to 
me ! 

Nov.  0.  A  day  in  which  I  have  suffered  much  painful 
temptation,  and  have  lost  much  precious  time.  My  heart 
was  puffed  up  by  thinking  of  my  sermon  yesterday ;  and  i 
found  the  utmost  difficulty  to  get  it  out  of  my  mind.  Read 
and  finished  the  Bengalee  grammar  to-da}'-.  I  was  very  un- 
willing to  take  up  the  Bible  to  learn  my  portion  of  scripture, 
while  engaged  in  the  grammar;  but  after  some  hesitation, 
conscience  did  so  far  prevail.     But  I   had  not  time  to  gain 

true  views  of  things  by  prayer,  before came,  and  praised 

my  sermon  in  most  extravagant  terms,  twas  tried  by  the 
most  contemptible  vanity,  yet  felt  myself  a  miserable  crea- 
ture ;  a  thousand  times  rather  would  I  have  had  all  my  most 
disgraceful  sins  published  to  my  shame.  Yet  after  prayer, 
in  which  I  could  appeal  to  God,  that  I  had  not  sought  my 
own  glory  in  writing  or  preaching  it,  I  walked  out  in  peace. 
The  passage,  "  and  they  shall  look  upon  him  whom  they  have 
pierced,"  &c.,  was  very  useful  to  bring  me  to  a  right  spirit. 
At  tea-time,  I  was  taking  up  some  book  pleasing  and  amus- 
ing, but  conscience  reminded  me,  of  giving  every  moment 
which  I  did  not  need  for  recreation,  to  the  word  of  God. 
Thus  I  found  it  ver}^  refreshing  and  pleasant.  Oh,  blessed 
word  of  God  !  my  delight  would  be  in  the  law  of  the  Lord, 
if  I  meditated  in  it  day  and  night, 

Nov.  6.  By  long  and  diligent  prayer,  I  obtained  some 
sense  of  God's  presence.  Wrote  a  little  sermon;  but  for 
three  hours  got  on  so  little,  that  I  was  exceedingly  dejected 
with  my  unprofitableness  :  but  found  some  relief  in  prayer. 
My  heart  has  been  generally  overwhelmed  to-day  ;  but  Jesus 
is  very  precious  to  me,  who  "  came  into  the  world  to  save 
sinners,  of  whom  T  am  chief." 


134  JOURNAL  AND  LETTERS  [1804. 

Nov.  7.  This  morning,  read  one  thing  and  then  another, 
eager  to  get  some  increase  of  knoAvledge  :  but  at  last  fixed  on 
the  Hebrew  Bible,  and  read  a  little  of  the  beginning  of  Isaiah, 
and  in  the  meantime  was  rather  watchful  over  my  spirit.  At 
cluirch,  my  mind,  in  the  midst  of  prayer,  was  seized  with  re- 
peated approaches  to  levity.  Oh  what  a  mercy  that  I  was 
not  struck  dead  i  *  *  *  *  With  my  pupil 
I  was  calm,  patient  throughout,  looking  to  Christ  as  my  ex- 
ample. In  my  walk,  the  character  of  Christ  on  earth  took 
up  all  my  thoughts,  and  I  felt  the  power  of  his  example. 
My  mind  was  serious  and  sorrowful,  and  I  hoped  I  should 
hereafter  walk  as  he  walked.  Durino^  the  afternoon,  thouo-h 
tempted  to  vanity  and  levity,  I  was  helped  still  to  set  the 
Lord  before  me,  and  found  it  of  rich  and  unspeakable  advan- 
tage to  nie  in  my  intercourse  with  others.  I  recollected  that 
I  had  said  somethino-  sarcastic  at  table,  tendingr  to  wound 
the  mind  of  one,  and  was  ofHeved  at  considerino^  how  unlike 
it  was  to  him.  Drank  tea  with  Mr.  and  Mrs.  B.,  and  when 
I  was  verging  to  an  irreligious  frame  of  mind  and  mode  of 
conversation,  the  Spirit  again  brought  Christ  to  my  remem- 
brance, and  made  me  earnestly  desirous  to  be  like  him,  in  all 
holy,  humble,  spiritual  and  edifying  conversation.  All  the 
rest  of  the  evening  I  was  employed,  if  it  might  be  called  em- 
ployment, in  thinking  of  the  subject,  "  Ye  are  built  upon  the 
foundation  of  the  apostles  and  prophets,"  etc.,  with  such  dul- 
ness  that  I  was  quite  dejected.  Indeed  I  am  a  poor  igno- 
rant wretch,  and  what  to  do  I  hardly  know.  My  constant 
uselessness  in  God's  creation,  and  perfect  unpjrofitableness, 
overwhelm  my  soul.  And  God's  forbearance  and  Christ's 
tender  love  are  very,  very  precious  to  me.  How  happy  shall 
I  be,  in  the  eternal  world,  when  self,  and  all  its  pride,  and 
sin,  and  wretchedness,  shall  be  forgotten,  and  God  alone  have 
all  praise  !     Amen,  so  be  it. 

Nov.  8.  In  morning  prayer,  felt  a  most  ardent  desire  to 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  135 

be  out  of  doors  among  the  sick.  So  after  writing  a  letter,  I 
went  out  and  continued  till  eleven.  One  man  and  his  wife, 
I  was  almost  willing  to  believe,  had  become  true  converts. 
At  one  house  I  met  with  a  poor  sinful  woman  with  whom  I 
mildly  reasoned,  as  thinking  she  had  been  roughly  addressed 
in  general ;  but  I  could  get  no  answer,  for  she  was  ashamed 
to  hold  up  her  head.         ¥:  *  *  *  ^  * 

Had  some  happy  meditations  in  the  evening  in  my  room,  on 
the  favor  of  God  to  my  soul,  and  the  approach  of  death,  and 
eternity,  and  was  earnest  in  prayer  ;  and  was  still  chiefiv  en- 
gaged in  desiring  to  set  the  Lord  always  before  me,  that  I 
might  be  zealous  for  souls  as  he  was. 

Nov.  9.  Prayed  earnestly  over  1  Peter,  particularly  "  the 
end  of  all  things  is  at  hand,  be  ye  therefore  sober."  It  is 
this  injunction  I  want  above  all  things,  to  practise  to  he  sober 
and  serious,  to  have  uncompromising  sincerity. 

Nov.  10.  Felt  resentment  at  Mr.  S.,  and  found  it  very 
difficult  to  regain  a  right  spirit  in  prayer.  But  at  length  I 
felt  patient  and  forgiving.  In  the  afternoon,  by  delaying  too 
long  to  begin  prayer,  when  my  soul  was  disposed  to  it,  I 
lost  the  opportunity,  by  others  coming  in  :  my  behavior  was 
thoughtless,  to  my  sore  vexation  and  grief  afterwards. 
When  shall  I  be  delivered  from  this  detestable  levity  and 
inconsistency  !  A  letter  from  my  sister  to-day  was  very  af- 
fecting to  me.  0  that  it  would  please  God  to  reveal  Christ 
to  her !  At  night,  I  seemed  to  enjoy  my  subject,  which 
was,  the  gradual  growth  of  God's  church. 

Nov.  11.  (Sunday.)  Was  earnest  this  morning  in  prayer, 
as  I  generally  have  been  of  late,  on  the  morning  of  the 
Sabbath,  through  the  mercy  of  God  answering  the  prayer 
of  his  people.  Till  church,  I  was  again  taken  up  in  waiting 
my  sermon.  My  natural  spirits  were  high  at  church,  and  I 
afterwards  rode  to  Stapleford,  in  a  joyous  sort  of  spirit,  but 
with  no  true  religion  in  exercise.     Rode  home  sorrowful  at 


13G  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

having  preached  with  no  more  life  and  zest,  and  also  at  find- 
ing myself  incessantly  tempted.  x\s  soon  as  I  came  home, 
I  continued  some  time  in  prayer  ;  it  was,  I  trust,  an  act  of 
faith  in  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ.  My  evil  heart,  so  full  of  sin, 
was  causing  me  to  depart  from  God,  and  to  Avait  till  I  had  a 
better  frame ;  but  by  immediate  application  for  pardon  and 
grace,  my  soul  was  restored.  Afterwards,  for  an  hour  be- 
fore church,  divine  things  were  awfully  presented  to  my 
mind,  and  my  heart  was  earnest  towards  God.  The  world 
was  gone,  m}^  thoughts  were  all  swallowed  up  in  the  ever- 
blessed  God.  O  how  swiftly  does  m}-  soul  advance  in  holi- 
ness at  such  seasons  !  Read  somethinor  of  Watts,  hoping  to 
get  some  thoughts  of  eternal  things,  but  found  it  unsatisfy- 
ing. Then  I  asked,  why  do  not  I  consult  the  fountain  of 
truth  ?  so  I  read  the  Psalms,  with  a  brio-ht  hfjht  shinintr 
upon  them.  At  church  at  night,  rather  declined  in  spiritu- 
ality. Went  into  hall,  with  a  holy  determination  to  seize  any 
opportunity  of  warning  others  of  their  danger.  Why  is  not 
my  soul  more  serious  ?  I  see  such  strong  occasions  for  it, 
from  without  and  within,  that  I  groan  at  not  being  able  to 
maintain  a  steady  sobriety  and  tenderness.  May  the  Lord 
be  pleased  to  fix  this  in  my  mind,  that  I  am  in  the  midst  of 
dying  souls,  who  are  thronging  to  hell !  How  cruel !  how 
impious  to  let  a  brother  perish  for  want  of  warning  !  All 
my  unhappiness  is,  that  I  should  so  soon  become  carnal. 
May  God  write  Heaven,  Hell,  Death,  and  Eternity,  upon 
every  object  I  see. 

Nov.  12.  Felt  much  guilt  this  morning,  but  rose  from 
prayer  in  a  serious,  humbled  spirit.  The  thought  of  ever 
having  been  the  means  of  making  a  fellow-creature  misera- 
ble, one  formed  for  the  glory  of  God,  both  in  body  and 
soul,  sunk  down  my  spirit  with  shame  and  terror  to  the 
dust. 

Nov.  13.   God  and   eternal   things  are  my  only  pleasure; 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  13T 

but  my  faith  is  exceedingly  weak.  At  breakfast  this  morn- 
ing, I  found  a  happy  and  tranquil  enjoyment  of  divine  medi- 
tation. After  dinner,  a  party  of  religious  friends  were  with 
me,  I  prayed  repeatedly  before,  and  during  the  time,  that  I 
might  be  like  Christ,  and  that  the  conversation  might  be 
such  as  becometh  saints.  It  was  tolerably  well,  not  idle, 
yet  nothing  in  the  way  of  affection  and  feeling  ;  and  for 
myself,  though  my  views  of  propriety  of  conduct  Avere  clear, 
and  my  heart  felt  the  importance  of  eternal  things,  I  was 
very  often  subject  to  vanity  and  levity.     Read  some  of  the 

word  of  God  seriously.     S told  me  this  evening  that  he 

thought  there  was  scarcely  the  least  probability  of  my  going 
for  a  year  to  come.  This,  with  other  little  sources  of  vexa- 
tion, made  me  very  unhappy  for  a  time.  But  made  a  sud- 
den effort  to  take  all  these  things  quietly,  considering  that 
these  are  the  very  seasons  to  exercise  faith. 

Nov.  14.  Morning  employed  in  finishing  sermon  on  Ephes. 
ii.  19 — 21.  No  particular  enjoyment  of  divine  things,  ex- 
cept in  reading  some  of  the  Scriptures  at  breakfast,  and  af- 
terwards in  my  walk,  when  for  a  little  my  soul  was  able  to 
speak  to  Christ,  as  to  one  near.  In  the  evening  I  began  to 
grow  very  averse  to  all  spiritual  reading  and  thoughts ;  but 
I  simply  asked,  what  is  it  right  I  should  do?  and  I  began  a 
sermon,  and  wrote,  by  consulting  Hopkins,  with  freedom  all 
the  re^t  of  the  evening. 

Nov.  15.  Corruption  always  begins  the  day,  and  is  before- 
hand with  grace  ;  but  morning  prayer  never  fails  to  set  my 
mind  in  a  riffht  frame.  Read  the  Acts  this  mornins'  with 
great  delight.  I  love  to  dwell  in  sacred  scenes,  other  than 
those  which  pass  before  me,  and  especially  those  in  which 
the  men  of  God  are  concerned. 

Nov.  16.  My  soul  seems  to  be  enjoying  rest:  no  trials, 
but  yet  no  particular  engagement ; — let  me  beware  of  a  calm. 
Prayer  in  the  morning  changed   as  usual   my  whole  mind. 


138  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

Read  Hopkins  on  the  first  and  fourth  commandments,  and 
Brown's  Reflections  on  the  latter  chapters  of  Joshua,  with 
much  pleasure,  and  more  ease  of  ideas ;  but  my  heart  was 
not  spiritual ;  and  when  I  left  off,  I  fhought  with  great  re- 
gret of  the  poor  dying  soul  of  a  woman  I  had  intended  to 
visit.  But  it  is  a  happiness  to  my  soul,  that  I  love  all  the 
work  of  God.  I  have  no  damping  doubts  as  formerly  ;  it 
seems  indifferent  to  me,  in  what  I  am  employed,  so  it  be  for 
my  God  and  Lord. 

Nov.  17.  Had  determined  to  devote  this  day  to  fasting 
and  prayer,  which  I  very  much  need.  Had  a  peaceful  mind 
In  the  mormng,  and  in  a  walk  before  breakfast,  great  delight 
in  God,  and  in  prospect  of  being  with  him  this  day ;  I  con- 
tinued about  two  hours  in  prayer,  with  tolerable  steadiness, 
solemnity,  and  seriousness,  and  %vith  less  distraction  than  I 
have  almost  ever  known.  I  began  with  laboring  after  a 
broken  heart,  but  stayed  so  long  at  it  in  vain,  that  I  was 
obliged  to  proceed  to  other  subjects,  which  were,  chiefly,  in- 
tercession for  the  college,  nation,  my  two  sisters,  and  my 
brethren  in  the  ministry.  Afterwards  I  read  some  Scripture 
and  went  to  chapel,  and  from  that  time  till  supper  was  visit- 
ing the  sick.  At  supper  and  after  supper,  I  let  slip  a  most 
excellent  opportunity  of  speaking  on  an  important  subject, 
from  mere  heedlessness  and  want  of  thought ;  which  so  gall- 
ed me  when  I  came  to  my  room,  that  I  was  quite  unhappy. 

Nov.  18.  (Sunday.)  The  morning  of  this  Sabbath  was 
less  happy  to  me  than  any  I  have  had  for  a  long  time,  and 
it  is  just  the  one  in  Avhich  I  expected  to  have  enjoyment  un- 
distracted,  as  having  no  unfinished  sermon  to  oppress  me. 
In  a  state  of  absence  from  God,  I  went  to  prayer,  as  know- 
ing it  was  of  no  use  to  try  to  restore  my  own  soul :  so  with 
all  my  misery  and  iniquity  I  cast  myself  upon  God,  and 
found  the  return  of  peace,  and  the  time  passed  in  general 
happily,  in  reading  and  praying  till  church,  where  during 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  139 

some  parts  of  the  service  I  spoke  as  to  God,  tliough  at  others 
was  miserably  distracted.  I  learnt  that  Mr.  Grant  had  no 
doubt  of  getting  me  nominated,  but  that  he  would  let  me 
know  positively,  about  the  latter  end  of  December.  I  re- 
joiced greatly  at  the  prospect  of  a  speedy  departure,  feel- 
ing, I  thought,  joy  and  delight  at  the  gathering  in  of  the 
Gentile  souls.  Yet  I  reasonably  suspected  myself.  The 
change  of  scene  and  sight  of  countries,  certainly,  are  agree- 
able to  me  ;  but  as  far  as  I  can  see,  they  would  not  induce 
me  to  resign  my  ease  and  my  life :  no,  I  believe  that  I  lay 
down  these,  in  obedience  and  conformity  to  Christ,  and  from 
love  to  him  and  his  elect ;  and  had  I  ten  thousand  lives,  my 
calm  judgment,  unruffled  by  dangers,  testifies,  that  they 
ought  all  to  be  spent  for  Christ.  But  when  the  trying  horn- 
comes,  how  shall  I  feel  ?  Yet  I  have  that  promise,  "  As  thy 
day,  so  shall  thy  strength  be,"  (fee.  Enjoyed  great  happi- 
ness and  the  joys  of  heaven,  most  of  the  rest  of  the  even- 
ing, though  not  without  distraction.  In  hall  at  supper  found 
an  opportunity  of  declaring,  very  plainly,  the  necessity  of 
intending  to  keep  all  God's  commandments,  in  order  to 
the  being  in  an  upright  Uiid  safe  state.  No  ansAver  was 
made  me. 

Nov.  19.  Read  the  6th  commandment  in  Hopkins,  and 
began  sermon  on  it.  Walked  a  httle,  not  distressed  by 
corrupted  temper,  but  yet  vain  in  my  thoughts,  for  want  of 
communion  with  God.  Passed  some  time  in  prayer  with 
much  seriousness,  yet  I  could  not  feel  that  powerful  con- 
straining influence  to  holiness  of  temper  which  the  Lord  at 
times  vouchsafes. 

Nov.  20.  Was  not  left  to  myself  till  after  dinner, 
when  the  Lord  delivered  me  from  a  temper  of  levity,  and 
sloth,  and  earthly- mindedness,  by  bringing  to  my  mind  the 
example  of  Christ,  always  serving  God  spiritually,  and  those 
words  of  his,  "  What !  could  ye   not   watch  with  me  one 


140  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

hour?"  So  I  read  Isaiah  hii.  and  1st  Epistle  of  Peter,  with 
a  mind  dehvered  for  a  while  from  present  things,  but  from 
delaying  prayer  too  long  was  interrupted.  Is  this  serving 
God  with  reverence  and  godly  fear  ?  My  heart  was  not  in 
visible  disorder,  but  it  is  not  the  spiritual  life  that  Brainerd 
led. 

ISTov.  21.  After  dinner,  I  lost  unexpectedly  a  season 
of  reading  and  communion  with  God.  I  hastened  to  my 
rooms,  groaning  over  my  unprofitableness,  and  impatient  to 
be  employed ;  went  to  Professor  Parish's  after  praying  that 
our  conversation  might  not  be  so  unprofitable.  It  was  much 
better  than  usual ;  but  alas,  my  own  corrupted  heart  wan- 
dered in  vanity  and  folly.  How  awful  to  reflect  that  our 
Maker  was  among  us,  and  beheld  our  eyes  and  hearts !  how 
fearful- the  sinfulness  of  every  day  ! 

Nov.  22.  Rose  in  painful  sense  of  my  unprofitable- 
ness ;  but  this  conviction  led  me  to  God,  and  away  from  the 
world.  In  prayer,  and  in  the  morning  reading  of  the  Acts, 
found  my  heart  serious  and  tender.  In  my  walk  out,  my 
soul  held  communion  with  Jesus  Christ,  and  received  the 
consolations  of  the  Holy  Ghost,  which  I  felt  constrained  to 
pray  for.  "The  love  of  Christ  constraineth  us,"  was  a  text 
much  on  my  mind.  Why  did  not  this  holy,  heavenly  frame 
continue  ?  but  alas  !  it  was  very  short-lived.  After  dinner  I 
sat  meditating  for  an  hour  on  the  past  events  of   my  life ; 

but    was    afterwards   engaged    till    church,  by    B and 

P .  Mr.  Simeon  preached  on  the  words,  "  As  the  Fa- 
ther hath  loved  me,  so  have  I  loved  you :  continue  ye  in  my 
love."  The  subject  Avas  delightful  to  me.  An  hour  after- 
wards I  experienced  great  joy  and  love  to  Christ,  and  with 
great  delight  and  fervor  prayed,  that  I  might  not  only  re- 
joice in  him  myself,  (for  I  find  in  that  joy  a  great  deal  of 
selfishness  and  want  of  solidity,)  but  might  labor  as  his  min- 
ister, if  it  was  his  will,  among  the  poor   Gentile  nations.     I 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  141 

longed  to  go,  especially  "when  I  remembered,  "  As  thy  day," 

Nov.  23.  In  ray  walk  out,  was  much  impressed  with  a 
sense  of  God's  mercy,  in  having  made  me  unlike  *  * 
*  *  I  observed  them  herding  together,  depending  on 
one  another's  mirth  for  enjoyment,  while  it  was  the  very  life 
and  enjoyment  of  my  heart,  to  be  alone  with  God.  It  some- 
times appeared  astonishing,  that  men  of  like  passions  with 
myself,  of  the  same  bodies,  of  the  same  minds,  alike  in  every 
other  respect,  knew  and  saw  nothing  of  that  blessed  and 
adorable  being  in  whom  my  soul  findeth  all  its  happiness, 
but  were  living  a  sort  of  life  which  to  me  would  be  worse 
than  annihilation,  at  least  independent  of  future  considera- 
tions. I  could  rather  sink  into  my  grave,  than  live  a  life  so 
utterly  distasteful  to  me.  But  I  want  more  deadness  to  the 
world  in  order  to  be  happy.  I  want  to  feel  myself  always 
alone  with  my  God ;  the  opinions  of  men  cannot  really  affect 
me ;  the  thoughts  which  other  men  have  of  me,  are  almost 
as  short  and  seldom  as  if  I  were  out  of  the  world :  then 
why  do  not  I  walk  with  God,  as  if  I  were  alone  with  him  on 
the  face  of  the  earth  ?  In  the  afternoon  read  D.  Brainei-d, 
and  passed  half  an  hour  in  prayer,  in  which  I  had  at  times 
earnest  desires  for  the  advancement  of  Christ's  kingdom,  and 
that  I  might  be  sent  to  preach  to  poor  heathens.  Drank  tea 
with  two  serious  young  men  ;  my  conversation  was  with 
rather  less  vanity  than  in  general.  In  my  room  read  Hop- 
kins on  the  ninth  commandment.  After  supper  sat  an  hour 
with  Sargent  at  the  inn,  who  was  passing  on  his  way  to  be 
married.  I  rejoiced  exceedingly  in  the  portion  the  Lord  had 
allotted  me.  While  I  enjoy  him  for  my  inheritance,  I  would 
not  wish  to  be  settled  in  the  world ;  even  with  all  the  assem- 
blage of  blessings  which  S is  about  to  possess,  which  is 

saying  a  great  deal.     I  feel  no  wish  to  live,  except  to  be 
employed  in  that  work  in  which  Christ  died. 


142  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

Nov.  24.  The  day  passed  in  the  usual  manner,  with 
pupils,  in  writing  sermon,  and  in  general  enjoying  peace. 
Received  great  pleasure  in  reading  Blair's  Grave  at  tea  time, 
and  found  my  soul  rejoicing  in  God,  by  every  idea  excited 
in  me,  either  by  the  poetry,  or  the  subject  of  death.  In 
prayer  my  heart  adored  the  Lord,  as  the  author  and  source 
of  all  the  intellectual  beauty  that  delighted  me ;  as  the  crea- 
tor of  all  the  fair  scenes  of  creation,  that  employ  the  poet's 
pen,  and  as  the  former  of  the  mind,  that  can  find  pleasure  in 
beauty. 

Nov.  25.  Rose  late  from  having  wasted  a  great  deal  of 
time  in  unnecessary  sleep  ;  in  consequence  of  which  I  was 
galled  with  shame,  and  a  sense  of  guilt  the  first  half  of  the 
day.  I  had  lost  the  presence  of  God,  and  went  on  in  a  great 
deal  of  inward  misery.  I  had  a  few  short  and  feeble  views 
of  another  world,  and  of  the  advancement  of  the  church, 
which  on  other  sabbaths  I  have  generally  found  myself  dis- 
posed to  pray  for  with  delight :  but  now  my  wretched 
spirit  went  on  stupidly  in  darkness.  In  my  ride  to  Lolworth 
made  a  few  faint  efforts  to  get  near  to  God,  but  still  seemed 
shut  out.  The  thought  of  being  about  to  preach  a  sermon, 
which  nobody  would  attend  to,  likewise  dejected  me.  But 
in  praying  that  I  might  live  a  life  of  solitude  and  prayer,  the 
world  seemed  to  disappear,  and  I  found  myself  again  with 
God.  Preached  on  the  third  commandment ;  there  was  the 
utmost  attention,  and  I  felt  exceedingly  relieved  by  it.  Rode 
home  in  good  spirits,  though  not  much  communing  with 
God.  At  church  at  night  felt  my  heart  quite  full,  at  the 
singing  of  that  sweet  hymn,  "Jesus,  lover  of  my  soul,"  &c. 
Was  greatly  tired  at  night  with  peevishness,  discontent,  and 
fear  of  mortifying  the  flesh  ;  but  in  prayer  rose  above  it,  and 
was  very  fervent,  though  not  free  in  expression,  in  seeking 
for  an  entire  conformity  to  Jesus  Christ. 

Nov.  26.  Was  mostly  solemn  and  serious  in  the  presence 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  143 

of  God  this  morning,  and  the  part  of  the  119th  Psalm,  which 
I  learnt,  was  of  blessed  use.  By  pupils  and  —  walking 
with  me  and  catechizing  the  children,  was  not  left  alone  till 
six  in  the  evening,  when  my  heart,  which  had  become  very 
earthly,  was  restored  by  prayer.  The  words  of  the  sacred 
poet  excited  in  me  awful  views  of  the  glory  of  Christ.  In 
prayer  to  hira  I  was  astonished  to  think  of  the  wonders  of 
his  person,  that  the  King  of  kings  should  become  a  man,  and 
live,  and  die.  Oh  mercy  unparelleled  !  Worthy  is  the 
Lamb  that  was  slain.  Rest  of  the  evening  wrote  sermon ; 
my  soul  seems  laboring  still  with  the  mysterious  glories  of 
religion.  What  shall  appear  to  this  soul  when  I  die  ? 
What  shall  appear  to  this  worm,  of  God's  glory,  w^iile  I 
live  ? 

Nov.  27.  A  melancholy  day !  the  sense  of  my  defilement 
and  self-indulgence  made  me  feel  myself  abominable.  The 
119th  Psalm  was  again  very  solemnizing.  After  dinner  in 
prayer,  was  a  little  restored  to  deep  views  of  eternity,  and 
felt  my  soul  desiring  and  watching  to  imitate  Christ,  and  to 
delight  in  his  service.  At  night,  after  praying  for  God's 
preserving  power,  I  began  to  read  the  Medea.  Read  through 
Porson's  Preface  to  the  Hecuba,  and  made  extracts.  As 
St.  Austin  said  of  Cicero,  that  he  did  not  find  Christ  there, 
so  say  I ;  heathen  reading,  notwithstanding  all  the  clearness 
of  poetry,  is  dull  and  dark,  as  it  never  kindles  any  devotion 
in  my  heart.  At  supper  was  grieved  at  the  conversation, 
and  longed  to  say  something  effectually. 

Nov.  28.  A  disorderly  morning  ;  at  intervals  I  tried  to 
learn  my  usual  portion  of  119th  Psalm,  but  lost  much  time 
and  comfort  by  distraction  ;  yet  I  determined  to  take  up 
nothing  of  my  classic  studies  or  any  other,  till  my  heart 
received  the  Spirit  from  on  high.  In  my  walk,  my  soul  rose 
above  its  vexations ;  many  things  fretted  me  ;  but  as  I 
walked  I  felt  entirely  devoted  to  the  most  painful  service  of 


144  JOURNAL  AND  LETTERS  [1804. 

God ;  I  felt  willing  to  undergo  the  greatest  hardships  for 
Christ,  and  that,  not  from  any  particular  exercise  of  love,  for 
I  was  rather  melancholy,  but  because  I  loved  and  approved 
the  angelic  work  ;  and  I  longed  for  the  afternoon  to  come, 
that  I  might  be  employed  in  it. 

Nov.  29.  The  serious,  tender,  and  happy  spirit  which  I 
generally  feel  after  morning  prayer,  does  not  continue  long. 
The  119th  Psalm  had  the  same  solemn  effect  as  yesterday. 
Though  the  morning  was  chiefly  taken  up  with  the  Medea 
and  with  B ,  and  though  unprepared  by  prayer  for  con- 
versation, by  looking  up  to  God,  was  enabled  to  speak  with 
some  inward  enjoyment  on  the  excellence  of  the  work  of  the 
ministry.  At  church,  in  prayer,  enjoyed  much  of  the  pres- 
ence of  God,  as  ever  at  such  times,  and  in  the  hymns  was 
tenderly  affected  towards  Christ,  though  with  much  distrac- 
tion, from  the  contemplation  of  divine  things. 

Nov.  30.  Was  filled  Avith  shame,  and  self-abhorrence,  and 
sense  of  guilt,  at  having  wasted  time  in  bed,  notwithstanding 
the  dictates  of  conscience.     Finished  the  119th  Psalm. 


1804.]  OF   THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTIN.  145 


CHAPTER    VII. 

Dec.  L  In  the  morning  I  hope  I  had  a  steady  seriousness, 
but  with  pupils  I  found  my  temper  irritable.  In  the  after- 
noon was  prevented  from  private  prayer,  or  visiting  the  sick, 

by  having  to  explain  Isaac  Newton  to  F :  went  to  chapel 

in  great  emptiness  of  mind,  but  after  chapel,  found  some  fer- 
vor in  prayer.  At  night  the  last  chapter  of  1  Thessalonians 
had  a  blessed  effect  in  quickening  me  to  spirituality,  and  pre- 
paration for  death,  though  before  I  was  sleepy  and  stupid. 

Dec.  2.  (Sunday.)  I  have  had  great  difficulty  in  keeping 
down  corruption  this  day.  In  opening  scripture  in  the  morning, 
was  at  a  loss  what  part  to  read  for  my  edification,  but  a  short 
petition  seemed  to  open  my  eyes  a  little.  Went  to  church, 
striving  to  feel  my  unworthiness.  Had  very  little  fervor  or 
recoUectedness  of  mind  in  the  church  prayers,  and  found  my- 
self hurrying  fast  to  extreme  wretchedness,  and  so  I  simply 
cast  myself  on  the  Saviour's  grace,  and  found  returning  peace. 
At  church,  I  had  frequently  seasons  of  sweetness,  particularly 
at  giving  out  the  text  from  the  beginning  of  Matt.  xxv.  The 
day  of  judgment  appeared  very  blessed.  I  rejoiced  at  the 
text  and  sermon,  as  it  enabled  me  to  realize  eternal  things, 
without  which  I  am  generally  unhappy.  Being  so  soon  to 
pass  away  from  this  scene,  what  little  matter  is  it,  how  the 
body  fares,  or  what  men  say,  so  that  my  soul  be  approved 
unto  God  ! 

Dec.  3.  By  prayer  my  heart  was  graciously  excited  to  joy 
and  gratitude.  Went  then  to  B.,  with  whom  I  enjoyed  great 
freedom,  and  a  spirit  of  praise.  In  my  room,  read  Euripides 
7 


146  JOUR^^\L    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

for  a  few  hours,  and  spent  the  rest  in  thinking  on  sermon.  1 
Tim.  had  a  blessed  effect  in  stirring  me  up  to  a  wilHng  devoted- 
ness  of  m3'self  to  a  hfe  of  self-denial. 

Dec.  4.  Was  plagued  ^Yith  a  great  deal  of  fearful  unbelief, 
and  distrust,  chiefly  from  finding  myself  barren  in  meditation 
on  the  subject  of  my  sermon  ;  but  at  intervals  the  eternal 
world  opened  to  my  view,  and  affected  my  heart  rightly.  H. 
came  to  me ;  I  tried  a  little  to  speak  on  a  subject  that  might 
be  for  his  conviction,  but  to  no  purpose  ;  yet  I  was  not  faith- 
ful to  him,  and  the  consciousness  of  this  began  a  dejection, 
which  lasted,  more  or  less,  all  the  evening.  At  short  inter- 
vals had  the  presence  of  God,  but  in  general  was  lukewarm, 
thouo"h  not  tempted  to  any  dissatisfaction  with  my  blessed 
work. 

Dec- 5.  All  my  leisure  time  till  pupils,  was  about  sermon, 
unable  to  write  the  first  sentence.  Then  an  hour  before  walk 
equally  in  vain.  I  was  exceedingly  fretted,  and  assaulted 
moreover  with  evil  thoughts.  However,  I  simply  cast  my- 
self on  the  Lord  in  prayer,  and  was  delivered  from  all  evil 
imaginations  ;  but  unhappiness  at  my  wretched  unprofita- 
bleness remained.  In  my  walk  out  was  quite  oppressed, 
and  full  of  idle  and  foolish  thoughts.  Met  with  Mr.  P.  and 
C,  who  stayed  till  supper  time.  However,  when  they  were 
gone,  the  Lord  seemed  to  open  my  heart  and  ray  mind ;  and 
I  wrote  a  page,  and  recovered  a  little  from  fear  and  dejec- 
tion. How  easily  can  he  shut  me  up ;  it  is  from  him,  there- 
fore, I  have  received  my  talents ;  and  to  him  be  all  the 
glory! 

Dec.  6.  My  heart  was  still  disquieted  this  morning,  and 
weak  against  the  assaults  of  sin  and  Satan.  In  prayer  I 
strove  for  faith,  and  peace  of  mind,  and  deadness  to  the 
world,  but  could  gain  no  permanent  holdfast  of  a  right  spirit. 
My  patience  and  temper  were  again  greatly  tried,  by  not  be- 
ing able  to  write  a  word,  till  my  pupils  came.     Received  a 


1804. J  or    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  147 

letter  from  K.,  and  from  my  brother,  both  agreeable,  but 
which  I  would  willingly  have  been  witliout,  as  they  tended 
to  bring  my  thoughts  to  earth.  With  my  pupils,  I  betrayed 
my  natural  spirit,  hasty,  light,  sarcastic,  (fee.  Walked  forth 
in  great  unhappiness,  yet  praying  for  grace,  to  bear  with 
meekness  all  that  the  Lord  should  appoint.  After  dinner, 
I  gained  a  Httle  nearer  access  to  God.  W^ote  with  tolerable 
freedom,  and  felt  very  thankful  for  any  assistance  the  Lord 
vouchsafes.  My  soul  reposed  in  sweet  solemnity  ;  the  views 
of  death  appeared  exceedingly  pleasant,  and  I  longed  to 
think  of  nothing, ••  but  time  and  eternity.  My  heart  also  de- 
lighted in  its  union  to  such  a  blessed  being  as  Christ.  I  felt 
quite  contented  and  happy,  if  he  would  notice  such  a  worm, 
whether  I  lived  in  this  world  or  the  next.  My  cup  would 
run  over ;  but  I  am  so  proud,  and  hard-hearted,  and  con- 
ceited. Visited  B.,  who  was  in  a  state  of  insensibility,  draw- 
ing almost  his  last  breath. 

Dec,  7.  Awakened  by  music  in  the  courts.  The  impres- 
sion was  very  powerful  on  my  imagination.  As  I  could  con- 
ceive it  to  be  the  sound  of  the  heavenly  chou',  transporting 
the  faithful  soul  to  glory,  it  seemed  a  very  blessed  and  glo- 
rious thing  to  be  the  servant  of  God,  and  I  wondered  that  I 
was  not  always  impressed  with  the  same  idea.     Called  at 

B 's,  and  found  he  had   died  at  five  this  morning;  was 

powerfully  affected  by  the  consideration,  that  he  had  now 
been  before  the  throne  of  God,  and  received  his  final  portion. 
What  a  thought !  He  now  knows  whether  I  spoke  faithfully 
or  no ;  and  if  not,  may  perhaps  curse  me,  for  deceiving  him 
into  hell.  Notwithstanding  these  my  serious  thoughts  in  the 
morning,  I  was  subject  to  the  most  despicable  vanities 
afterwards. 

Dec.  8.  In  prayer  my  heart  was  engaged.  I  saw  very 
clearly,  that  without  preserving  a  child-like  simplicity,  I 
should  never  walk  consistently.     In  the  course  of  the  morn- 


148  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

ing,  my  heart  was  in  general  affected  witli  love  to  God ;  but 
in  the  Avalk  it  was  carried  away  by  foolish  thoughts,  so  as  to 
make  me  unwilling  to  be  meditating  on  eternity.  I  may  well 
be  convinced  of  the  corruption  of  my  heart,  when  it  so  easily 
teems  with  all  manner  of  folly.  The  rest  of  the  day  in  gen- 
eral in  peace,  and  sweet  views  of  another  world.     Supped  at 

night  with ,  and .     The  conversation  was  miserable, 

and  I  came  away  tired  ;  but  not  without  the  conviction  of 
not  having  endeavored  to  introduce  one  useful  remark.  Oh 
if  I  had  a  love  to  souls,  I  could  not  let  them  trifle  into  eter- 
nity !  How  differently  did  the  Lord  I  profess  to  follow,  pass 
the  time  when  he  visited  the  ungodly  ! 

Dec.  10.  State  of  mind  was  rather  clouded  this  morning, 
by  waste  of  time  in  bed ;  B.  told  me,  that  in  my  prayer 
yesterday  before  sermon,  I  used  nothing  but  a  few  scriptural 
phrases,  so  that  it  was  not  like  prayer.  The  first  emotions 
of  my  mind  were  those  of  vexation ;  but  I  was  struck  by  the 
amazing  pride  of  my  wicked  heart,  that  I  could  not  bear  to 
discover  any  imperfection  in  myself,  even  though  the  dis- 
covery was  the  only  way  to  lead  me  towards  perfection. 
However,  the  Lord  helped  me  to  improve  this  little  circum- 
stance to  my  good,  and  I  was  led  to  see  my  utter  unworthi- 
ness  and  unfitness  for  anything  good.  I  was  willing  to  see 
myself  despised  ;  yea,  it  was  the  desire  of  my  heart,  to  set 
before  my  mind  such  scenes  of  my  life  as  should  most  fill  me 
with  shame  and  humiliation.  In  this  spirit  I  walked  out,  and 
it  was  surprising  to  me,  what  freedom  from  anxiety  and  from 
inclination  to  sin,  I  found.  Every  one  I  met  I  regarded 
with  reverence,  and  went  sweetly  meditating  on  the  meek- 
ness of  Jesus  Christ,  and  filled  with  the  hope  of  being  one 
day  made  perfect  in  it,  if  not  in  this  world,  yet  in  the  next. 
With  what  ease  could  I  observe  propriety  of  conduct !  And 
in  prayer  I  had  frequent  seasons  of  sacred  delight,  while  I 
declared,  that  I  wished  God  to  have  all  the  glory,  and  yet  I 


1804.]  OF   THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  149 

desired  to  honor  all  his  creatures.  But  unhappily,  a  man 
spoke  in  praise  of  my  sermon  last  night,  and  all  these 
thoughts  presently  disappeared.  Thus  praise  gives  me  in- 
finitely more  pain,  even  immediately,  than  the  utmost  abuse. 
I  went  to  my  rooms,  and  rather  obtained  relief  from  my 
pride,  and  somewhat  of  a  return  to  a  spirit  of  meekness. 
The  rest  of  the  evening  passed  in  reading  Euripides,  with  my 
heart  at  times  much  affected  with  love  towards  God. 

Dec.  11.  Corruption  provides  me  enough  matter  for  morn- 
ing prayer.  With  my  pupil,  I  had  some  disgraceful  quick- 
ness of  temper,  as  heretofore,  which  grieved  me  all  the 
morning.  In  my  walk,  I  was  not  happy  in  divine  objects, 
except  at  short  intervals ;  but  I  cried  earnestly  for  meekness 
and  humihty.  In  the  afternoon,  visited  the  sick,  and  was 
engaged  in  conversation  with  a  large  number  of  the  most 
abandoned  profligates  of  Cambridge.  Oh  that  oceans  of 
tears  would  run  down  my  eyes  !  The  rest  of  the  evening 
and  night,  with  many  interruptions,  were  spent  in  great 
dulness,  reading  Euripides. 

Dec.  12.  Enjoyed  some  dehghtful  hours  this  morning, 
especially  in  reading  the  Song.  With  my  pupil  more 
governed.  At  church,  was  in  a  light  worldly  spirit ;  in 
prayer  half  the  time  speaking  without  thinking  :  what  sparing 
mercy,  that  I  am  not  struck  dead  for  such  mockery  !     In  my 

walk  out  met  with  D ,  to  whom  I  spoke  about  religion, 

by  no  means  in  a  spirit  of  meekness — which  I  was  sure  to 
grieve  for  afterwards.  After  dinner,  was  serious  in  prayer, 
and  had  a  clearer  view  of  my  real  business  on  earth,  and 
went  to  Wall's  Lane  in  a  right  spirit,  as  the  servant  of  the 
Lord,  and  with  the  belief  that  Christ  would  be  always  with 
me,  to  direct  my  soul  to  his  Spirit. 

Dec.  13.  After  some  difficulty  attained  to  something  of  a 
humble  spirit ;  how  stupid  am  I  in  learning  the  plainest 
truths  !  I  hoped  I  should  bear  in  mind  all  day  the  occasion  I 


150  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

had  for  a  mourning  spirit.  I  found  joy  in  the  course  of  the 
morning  ;  but  it  v;as  mixed  with  levity,  and  natural  spirits ; 
and  I  would  rather  have  none  than  that :  there  is  hardly 
any  frame  of  mind  I  dislike  so  much,  because  I  am  never 
farther  from  the  temper  of  Christ,  and  from  holiness,  and 
from  happiness.  Let  me  be  poor  in  spirit  and  meek.  Read 
Euripides  at  leisure  hours.  It  was  a  happy  reflection  to  me, 
to  perceive  that,  in  the  midst  of  these  ensnaring  classics,  my 
heart  felt  their  vanity,  and  prepared  to  think  of  God,  and 
read  his  holy  law. 

Dec.  14.  Had  something  of  a  poor  and  contrite  spirit  this 
morning  in  prayer.  From  nine  to  twelve  was  in  hall  about 
the  examination  ;  but  I  did  not  preserve  that  spirit  which  I 
had  hoped  I  should,  for  I  was  light  and  conceited.  In  my 
w^alk  out  was  rather  more  spiritual,  and  enabled  to  pray 
freely  for  some  time.  In  the  afternoon  visited  some  people 
till  three,  when  I  went  into  hall  till  six.  The  rest  of  the 
evening  passed  in  reading  Euripides.  In  consequence  of  not 
praying  with  my  servant,  when  it  was  rather  a  favorable 
opportunity,  I  greatly  wounded  my  conscience,  and  did  not 
recover  a  comfortable  state  all  the  evening. 

Dec.  14.  My  morning  prayer  was  still  chiefly  for  humility 
and  emptiness  of  self.  In  hall  all  the  morning  ;  but  though 
I  strove  against  conceit,  was  very  full  of  it.  I  w^as  constantly 
setting  Christ  before  me — but  alas !  how  little  do  I  imitate 
his  spirit !  In  my  Avalk  I  was  chiefly  engaged  in  reading  for 
the  examination,  but  my  aff'ections  seemed  chiefly  towards 
heaven.  Had  a  few  minutes  for  prayer  after  dinner,  by 
which  my  mind  was  composed,  and  the  rising  desire  after 
worldly  applause  was  repressed.  The  only  way  I  could  find 
for  eff'ectually  freeing  myself  from  anxiety  about  the  good 
opinion  of  men,  was  to  labor  to  feel  my  utter  unworthiness. 
If  men  despise  me  or  my  attainments,  they  Avill  do  more 
than  what  is  right.     This  day  I  have  been  tired  with  the 


1804. j      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.         151 

praises  of  men.  The  attention  and  respect  of  the  fellows  to- 
night were  remarkable. 

Dec.  16.  (Sunday.)  Rose  with  my  mind  full  of  carnal 
and  worldly  thoughts,  rvmning  upon  the  Greek  subject  I  had 
been  examining  on  yesterday.  In  prayer  and  afterwards  I 
was  sorely  tried  by  the  most  despicable  vanity,  and  also  by 
hypocrisy  #  *  #  *  4?=  Then 

I  recollected,  that  it  was  my  vow  and  wish  to  be  always 
living  alone  with  God ;  should  it  then  be  a  concern  with  me, 
whether  men  admire  me  ?  Yet  I  could  not  get  any  deliver- 
ance from  my  corruption,  till  I  was  made  to  feel  the  misery 
of  being  under  the  dominion  of  sin.  Rode  early  before  break- 
fast to  Stapleford,  and  then  began  to  feel  myself  a  poor  lost 
creature,  and  that  the  simplicity  of  humility  was  that  which 
most  became  me  ;  and  enjoyed  in  consequence  something  of 
a  childlike  spirit.  In  my  walk  back  from  church  with  some 
ladies  professing  godliness,  I  was  grieved  at  their  levity,  but 
made  no  answer  but  by  silence  and  gra\ity.     After  dinner 

Dr.  Milner  and  Lord  C called.  *  *  * 

*  I  was  introduced  as  having  been  Senior  Wrangler ; 

but  how  contemptible  did  these  paltry  honors  appear  to  me ! 
Ah,  thought  I,  you  know  not  how  little  I  am  flattered  by 
these  intended  compliments.  Had  an  opportunity  of  private 
prayer,  in  which,  though  my  mind  was  serious  and  not  dis- 
tracted, I  felt  no  devotion ;  as  I  was  distrustfully  anxious 
about  the  evening.  After  tea,  met  about  150  people  in  the 
schoolroom,  and  preached  on  Acts  xx.  21,  "Testifying  to 
the  Jews,  and  also  to  the  Greeks,"  &c.  The  Lord  assisted  me 
to  be  clear  and  impressive  ;  but  I  had  reason  to  lament  my 
want  of  tenderness,  or  rather,  that  I  had  not  sufficient  power 
of  speaking  according  to  the  feelings  of  my  mind.  Rode 
home  in  great  strength  of  spirits  ;  but  my  joy  was  not  spir- 
itual :  yet  I  cared  for  nothing  in  this  world.  Read  and 
prayed  at  night  with  my  servant. 


152  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

Dec.  17.  After  morning  prayer  my  heart  was  joyous,  but 
far  too  light.  Engaged  in  hall  and  with  the  fellows.  I 
governed  my  outward  conduct  pretty  well  in  general,  though 
pride  and  selfishness  were  working  within,  and  sometimes  the 
emptiness  of  my  mind  showed  itself  by  speeches  of  folly  and 
levity,  and  conformed  me  to  the  ways  and  manners  of  others. 
Oh  for  that  holy  reserve,  which  communion  with  God  would 
not  fail  to  produce  in  me  !  At  the  times  of  prayer,  my  heart 
is  generally  affected  with  moments  of  exceeding  joy  and  de- 
votion ;  but  I  want  more  of  the  abiding  fear  of  God,  and  a 
continual  sense  of  my  own  misery  and  guilt.  In  the  hall 
was  much  affected  by  the  sight  of  Lord  B,,  whose  look  of 
meekness  and  humility  riveted  my  attention,  and  almost 
melted  me  to  tears.  If  there  is  one  disposition  in  the  world 
I  wish  for-  more  than  another,  it  is  this ;  but  the  bias  of  my 
corrupted  nature  hurries  me  violently  against  it. 

Dec.  18,  Was  greatly  under  the  power  of  corrupt  imagi- 
nations in  the  morning,  but  prayer  restored  me  to  purity  and 
peace.  In  hall  the  whole  day,  and  in  general  enjoyed  more 
spirituality,  and  less  of  my  natural  temper  than  since  the  be- 
ginning of  the- examination.  At  intervals  drew  near  to  God 
in  prayer ;  but  it  is  high  time  for  ma  that  this  secular  busi- 
ness should  end. 

Dec.  19.  My  mind  uneasy  from  anxiety,  and  fear  of  unfit- 
ness for  that  part  of  the  examination  I  was  about  to  under- 
take ;  yet  always  regained  my  peace,  when  I  regarded  myself 
as  unworthy  of  the  good  opinion  of  anybody.  I  examined 
in  Butler,  with  great  ease  to  myself  and  clearness.  Thus  it 
pleases  God  to  make  me  honorable  in  the  eyes  of  men  ;  I 
hope  for  the  purposes  of  his  own  glory.  In  my  walk  my 
thoughts  ran  far  too  easily  on  these  trilling  things.  The  rest 
of  the  day  in  hall,  and  with  the  fellows,  employed  sometimes 
with  sweet  thoughts  of  God,  but  generally  with  dull 
thoughts,   scarcely  attending  to  anything.     I  was    grieved 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  153 

not  to  be  able  to  say  anything  more  decisive  and  convincing 
against  that  ungodly  book  of  Paley's.  An  opportunity 
offered  of  speaking  to  one  of  the  fellows,  which  I  did  for  a 
considerable  time.  In  prayer  in  general,  I  have  been  fer- 
vent in  the  petitions ;  but  the  particulars  have  been  fewer, 
my  views  of  eternal  things  are  narrowed,  and  I  feel  less  in- 
clined to  the  -work  of  God. 

Dec.  20.  The  promises  of  the  church's  enlargement  af- 
forded me  much  delightful  meditation  this  morning.  In  the 
afternoon  T  was  scarcely  at  all  alone,  and  about  to  behold 
vanity  ;  but  the  Lord  by  prayer  sobered  and  quickened  my 
mind.  In  the  service  at  church  my  soul  enjoyed  some  true 
devotion.  I  gained  instruction  and  comfort  from  the  ser- 
mon, John  ii.  25.  Happy  moments  !  in  which  I  can  live 
devoutly  in  communion  with  Christ.  Oh  what  is  the  world 
to  me  ?  and  yet  my  thoughts  are  not  swallowed  up  in  God. 

Dec.  21.  Rose  earl}^,  and  continued  a  good  while  in 
prayer.  Most  of  the  time  till  dinner  I  was  reading  Poole's 
Synopsis  of  the  first  chapter  of  St.  John,  and  was  much 
impressed  with  the  consideration  of  the  glory  of  Christ,  the 
Word.  Oh,  that  I  could  think  of  nothing  else  but  things 
which  belong  to  the  wonders  of  religion  !  In  my  walk,  strove 
to  keep  near  to  Christ,  and  was  at  times  affected  with  admi- 
ration and  love.  I  look  forward  to  a  day  of  prayer  ;  for  my 
soul  hath  great  need  of  quickening  and  restoration,  that  it 
may  act  more  in  the  view  of  eternity,  and  conformably  to 
the  holy  profession  whereunto  I  am  called,  of  a  minister  of 
Christ. 

Dec.  22.  Another  day  is  passed,  and  another  week,  in 
which  I  have  very,  very  little  lived  according  to  my  prayer ; 
seldom  feehng  myself  alone  with  God.  My  heart  has  not 
been  drawn  out  in  prayer ;  neither  has  his  word  been  sweet 
to  me  ;  and  this  I  may  safely  attribute  to  my  not  giving 
more  time  to  the  work.     Most  of  the  morning  passed  in 


154  JOURNAL  AND  LETTERS         [1804. 

readincT  Poole  on  the  1st  of  John.  In  mv  walk,  I  met  ^vitll 
C,  with  whom  I  talked  with  far  too  little  restraint  in  his  own 
way,  on  the  oriental  languages.  I  should  not  talk  to  a  miser 
on  the  way  of  getting  money  ;  so  neither  should  I  talk  with 
C.  on  that  which  is  his  idol.  After  dinner,  I  was  in  a  peace- 
ful melancholy,  at  hearing  of  the  death  of  P at  Gibral- 
tar ;  death  was  pleasant  to  me,  though  I  had  little  joy  or 
nearness  to  God  ;  but  I  wished  for  no  work,  no  employment 
in  earth  or  heaven,  but  the  service  of  God. 

Dec.  23.  (Sunday.)  In  great  self-abasement,  I  prayed 
this  morning,  and  felt  the  power  of  religion.  My  soul  was 
alone  with  God,  and  I  hoped  I  should  be  steadily  with  him 
all  the  day.  I  felt  fully  disposed  tc  go  anywhere,  or  to  do 
anything  for  God  ;  not  from  zeal,  but  from  resignation,  and 
a  sense  of  utter  worthlessness  and  unprofitableness.  My 
views  on  death  were  somewhat  different  from  lately.  I  have 
rather  wished  to  live  to  do  something  for  God  ;  but  now  I 
w  ished  rather  to  die,  to  be  free  from  my  sinfulness  and  use- 
lessness.  At  supper  in  hall,  had  a  little  share  of  conversa- 
tion, and  said  somethinof  that  I  trust  w^ill  fasten.  I  had 
perfect  command  of  myself,  which  is  my  main  object ;  for  if 
I  say  any  thin  o-  that  can  be  o-ainsaid,  I  had  much  better  not 
have  spoken  at  all. 

Dec.  25.  My  morning  thoughts  were  unworthy  of  this 
sacred  day,  till  they  were  somewhat  sanctified  by  prayer. 
Preached  at  Lolworth  on  John  i.  14,  to  a  very  small  congre- 
gation, but  with  my  own  heart  affected.  At  church,  at  night, 
had  reason  to  lament  the  want  of  private  communion  with 
God ;  as  my  thoughts  were  too  easily  apt  to  fix  on  outward 
things,  to  engage  in  the  ordinances.  Yet  in  the  latter  part  I 
thought  I  had  a  great  and  tender  love  for  souls,  and  that  I 
could  long  to  see  every  one  of  them  coming  to  Christ,  and 
being  happy.  In  my  rooms  meditated  a  long  time  on  the 
latter  part  of  Gal.  ii ;  and  thougli  I  had  scarcely  any  insight 


1804.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  155 

into  it,  my  soul  rejoiced  in  hope  of  experiencing  the  power 
of  the  cross  of  Christ,  even  as  the  apostle. 

Dec.  26.  Had  some  enjoyment  in  prayer;  but  I  need  very 
much  a  day  of  humiliation,  and  continued  supplication. 
Went  into  the  combination  room  after  dinner,  where  some  of 
those  present  kept  me  constantly  employed,  by  asking  me 
questions,  to  make  me  speak  against  the  usual  amusements  of 
men.  In  the  evening,  read  Grotius'  Commentary  on  the  1st 
of  Revelations.  At  night,  passed  some  hours  in  meditating 
on  Gal.  ii,  20.  It  is  very  delightful  to  enter  into  the  spirit 
of  the  Epistles  in  any  measure — indeed  of  any  part  of  the 
•word  of  God  :  I  find  that  it  is  the  sincere  milk,  by  which  I 
grow.  In  the  midst  of  my  vanities  and  fickleness,  I  find  no 
pleasure  at  all,  save  in  the  views  of  eternity. 

Dec.  27.  Drank  tea  at  N ,  Avhere  I  spoke  with  ease 

and  clearness  on  Gal.  ii,  20,  for  a  good  while.  Went  away 
in  great  thankfulness,  and  desire  to  be  again  employed  in 

God's  service  at   home ;    but   to   my  dissatisfaction,  , 

whom  I  knew  six  years  ago,  came  in,  and  sat  with  me  till 
near  midnight,  disputing  on  rehgion.  I  was  perfectly  dis- 
passionate throughout,  and  proved  everything  he  said  to  be 
false  ;  but  such  a  mixture  of  profaneness,  infidelity,  and  inge- 
nuity, filled  my  soul  with  anguish.  Oh  how  I  longed  to  be 
in  heaven,  out  of  the  way  of  such  ungodliness  ?  What  a 
life  will  it  be  to  me  to  pass  through  a  Avorld  of  such  men  ! 
but  the  time  will  one  day  be  over,  and  then  I  shall  see  none 
but  holy  servants  of  God ;  but  my  business  here  is  to  carry 
God's  fight  through  a  world  of  darkness. 

Dec.  30.  (Sunday.)  Most  shamefully  wasted  much  time 
in  bed,  and  rose  full  of  shame  and  anguish,  which  continued 
in  a  less  degree  all  day.  Preached  at  St.  Giles'  church  on 
John  iii,  3,  without  notes,  and  went  through  it  with  distinct- 
ness and  correctness,  though  both  body  and  mind  were  in  a 


156  J0UR2>AL    AND    LETTERS  [1804. 

stupid  state.      At  church,  several  things  served  to  humble 
me.  and  make  me  thick  slightly  of  myself. 

Dec.  31.  I  had  determined  last  night  to  devote  this  morn- 
ing to  practical  reading  and  prayer;  but  ^vhen  the  morning 
came,  I  was  very  unwilling  at  first  to  leave  many  things 
undone,  as  would  be  necessary ;  but,  however,  I  did  devote 
the  morning  to  it,  and  found  the  presence  of  God  with  me, 
so  that  I  was  enabled  to  stir  up  my  attention  constantly,  and 
to  wateh  unto  meditation  and  prayer.  My  mind  was  also 
vigorous  in  my  walk.  After  dinner,  a  party  of  religious 
friends  sat  with  me,  whose  names  I  will  write,  that  I  may 
remember  them  this  time  twelvemonth,  if  God  spare  my  life. 
Our  conversation  was  tolerably  useful.  The  rest  of  the  even- 
ing I  enjoved  much  of  Gods  presence,  and  in  prayer  at  night 
was  full  of  joy;  devoting  myself  to  God's  service,  and 
rejoicing  at  the  lapse  of  time.  But  alas  !  I  may  truly  groan 
at  the  unprofitableness  of  the  last  year.  For  the  first  half,  I 
was'  severely  tried,  and  then  I  was  but  httle  resigned  to  the 
righteous  dispensations  of  God.  It  then  pleased  the  Lord  to 
dehver  me,  but  instead  of  rendering  him  joyful  service,  as  I 
expected,  I  seem  to  have  more  pride  and  lukewarmness.  In 
two  things  I  see  a  lamentable,  a  melancholy  defect.  I  am 
not  a  man  oi  prayer.  I  pray  frequently  for  myself,  and  with 
fenor ;  bnt  I  am  not  found  a  man  to  stand  in  the  gap. 
Secondly,  I  do  not  feel  that  I  am  performing  the  duties  of 
the  ministry  in  that  part  of  it  which  respects  private  visiting. 
This  evil  indeed  is  the  consequence  of  the  former.  But  my 
soul  panteth  after  hohness,  nothing  appears  at  all  desirable 
to  me  for  a  moment,  but  God.  May  he  make  his  creature 
spiritual  1 


1805.]  OF   THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  15' 


CHAPTER   VIII. 

Jan.  2,  1805.  I  found  great  peace  and  increase  of  spirit- 
uality in  considering  prayer  my  proper  business :  the  going 
among  our  people,  which  used  to  fill  me  with  anxiety,  ap- 
peared easy  and  pleasant  to  me.  and ,  by  con- 
stant questioning  and  arguing  with  me,  gave  me  a  most  com- 
plete opportunity  of  telhng  them  almost  all  I  could  have 
wished.  I  went  away  greatly  pleased,  though  somewhat 
pained  at  having  wounded 's  feelings  by  too  strong  ex- 
pressions of  my  indignation,  at  his  having  been  publicly 
singing  anacreontic  songs.  Went  to  W 's,  where  I  ex- 
pounded the  12th  chapter  of  St.  John.  In  prayer  I  was 
more  free  from  false  fervor,  and  was  more  deliberate  and 
orderly. 

Jan.  3.  Read  a  little  of  Basil  on  the  first  Psalm.  I  was 
struck  with  his  eloquence,  but  found  little  evangelical  truth. 
I  found  solemnity  and  seriousness  at  different  times  in  prayer 
this  morning ;  but  in  my  walk,  my  heart  was  ever  beholding 

vanity ;  my  thoughts  were  taken  up  by  considering 's 

words,  that  God  generally  used  mean  instruments  of  conver- 
sion in  preference  to  the  wise  and  learned.  The  exercise  of 
humility,  to  which  this  gave  occasion  in  me,  was  a  very  pro- 
fitable one.  I  felt  quite  as  well  disposed  to  live  laboring  and 
praying  for  souls,  without  ever  being  honored  by  having  any 
given  to  me,  as  with  prospects  of  abundant  success.  May 
the  Lord  gather  them  how  and  by  whom  may  be  most  to  the 
advancement  of  his  own  glory  I 


158  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

Jan.  4.  In  ray  walk,  the  desire  of  my  heart  was  toward 
God,  but  the  body  of  death  kept  my  spirit  down  ;  yet  on 
fleeing  from  these  thoughts,  I  rose  for  a  while  to  heavenly 
peace  and  joy.  Found  an  opportunity  of  giving a  so- 
lemn warning ;  the  rest  of  the  evening  was  taken  up  with 
preparation  for  my  departure  :  my  mind  was  affected  with 
solemnity  and  melancholy,  as  it  usually  is  in  such  times ;  but 
in  prayer  it  was  a  sweet  reflection,  that  I  was  a  stranger  and 
pilgrim,  that  I  neither  sought  nor  wished  to  have  my  rest  on 
earth.  Let  no  change  of  place  distract  my  mind  from  being 
constantly  in  prayer  to  my  God. 

Jan.  5.  Rose  early,  and  my  spirit  was  in  a  state  of  enjoy- 
ment.    In  the  coach  from  Cambridge  to ,  there  was  a 

very  clever  woman,  of  great  vivacity  and  infidel  principles. 
I  do  not  know  what  efiect  all  that  I  said  had  on  her ;  for 
there  was  so  much  levity,  that  her  real  feelings  were  in  con- 
stant disguise.     I  was  frequently  depressed  at ,  by  the 

sohtude  and  spiritual  darkness  of  the  place ;  but  by  earnest 
prayer  against  these  feelings,  I  found  that  I  could  live  inde- 
pendently of  all  created  comforts  upon  God  alone,  and  med- 
itated in  peace  of  mind  upon  my  subjects  for  to-morrow, 
studying  how  I  might  speak  with  the  greatest  possible  plain- 
ness. In  the  evening  I  was  alone,  and  passed  some  hours  in 
reading  and  prayer ;  the  sermon  of  Jonathan  Edwards  on 
the  "  Day  of  Judgment,"  and  on  "  Fearfulness  hath  surprised 
the  hypocrites,"  made  me  tremble  at  the  fearful  condition  of 
lost  souls,  and  made  me  feel  uncomfortable  at  the  considera- 
tion of  such  a  melancholy  subject. 

Jan.  6.  (Sunday.)  Preached  to  a  small  congregation  on 
John  iii.  8,  with  needless  plainness,  and  rather  too  great  fa- 
miliarity, as  I  learnt  afterwards  ;  and  in  the  afternoon  on  2 
Cor.  V.  20,  21,  at  which  time  the  earnestness  of  my  manner 
excited  the  mirth  of  many  people  present.  I  was  greatly 
grieved  at  it ;  yet  perhaps  if  I  had  had  their  benefit  more  at 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  159 

heart,  I  should  have  taken  care  to  deliver  these  truths  with 
the  least  possible  offence  ;  so  that  even  in  this  case  I  may 
reasonably  blame  myself.  Afterwards  catechized,  and  sang 
with  the  children.     In  the   evening  read  one  of  Jonathan 

Edwards's  sermons  with  ,  whose  conversation,  full  of 

levity  and  inconsistency,  especially  considering  the  day,  was 
very  painful  to  me.  I  could  scarcely  give the  atten- 
tion consistent  with  common  politeness  ;  it  is  no  wonder  such 
sort  of  Christians  *have  fears ;  and  my  exhortation  accord- 
ingly to  him,  was  to  serve  God  better,  and  to  pass  more  time 
in  prayer.  In  private  afterwards,  my  soul  Avas  drawn  out  in 
fervent  prayer,  and  felt  the  presence  of  the  glorious  God.  I 
longed  to  be  ten  thousand  times  more  devoted  to  him  than  I 
had  been,  and  to  pass  the  remainder  of  my  days  in  humble 
laborious  exertions  in  the  cause  of  Christ, 

Jan.  7,  Arrived  in  Brunswick  Square.  Called  on  Mr. 
Grant,  who  told  me  I  might  certainly  consider  myself  as  des- 
tined for  India,  though  I  was  not  yet  appointed.  Thus  it 
pleases  God  to  keep  me  in  a  certain  degree  unfixed,  and  it  is 
but  that  his  own  wise  purposes  should  be  fulfilled  in  their 
time.  I  find  these  apparent  delays  very  beneficial  to  me,  as 
I  perceive  that  God  works  in  providence,  as  in  nature,  very 
slowly,  which  is  a  check  to  youthful  rashness.  Had  some 
difficulty  in  prayer  at  night,  from  the  distractions  of  the  day, 
but  with  some  blessed  moments  of  drawing  near  to  God, 
and  away  from  the  world. 

Jan.  8.  Walked  many  hours  in  the  street,  which  greatly 
disturbed  my  thoughts  ;  but  when  I  repeated  to  myself  some 
of  the  chapters  in  Ephesians,  I  was  with  God  and  happy ; 
on  my  return  home,  however,  I  was  astonished,  on  reflecting 
on  the  pride,  and  hardness,  and  wicked  imaginations,  that 
have  been  teeming  in  this  corrupted  heart.  Prayed  in  some 
shame  and  humility  against  the  repetition  of  such  wicked- 
ness :  while  I  walked  in  such  danger,  wiiat  but  God's  long- 


160  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

suffering  and  covenanted  mercy  preserved  me  ?  In  the  even- 
ing Ave  sang,  "Salvation!  oil  the  joyful  sound!"  with  great 
joy  ;  m}^  own  mind  was  in  general  quiet  and  collected,  but  I 
was  very  slothful  in  conversation. 

Jan.  9.  In  reading  the  charge  to  the  priests  at  the  ordination 
service,  I  was  affected  even  to  tears,  at  the  importance  of  the 
ministry.  The  great  mental  talents  of  some  men  naturally 
excite  my  envy  ;  but  when  I  am  able  to  think  of  God,  who 
hath  thus  gifted  his  creatures,  I  have  ofterf  had  new  views  of 
him,  and  been  astonished  at  the  greatness  of  his  glory,  and 
his  transcendent  excellence,  and  been  filled  with  wonder  and 
delight,  that  so  mean  a  creature  should  belong  to  him  as 
much  as  angels. 

Jan,  10.  Felt  little  disposed  to  exchange  my  humble  and 
laborious  calling,  as  it  appears  to  this  world,  for  the  ease  and 
grandeur  of  the  rich.  My  mind  was,  however,  getting  car- 
nal and  distracted  from  God,  by  so  much  company,  and  so 
little  prayer  and  reading.  Somewhat  restored  by  reading 
and  learning  the  Epistle  to  the  Romans,  but  alas  I  I  find  it 
requires  more  exertion  and  communion  with  God,  to  main- 
tain that  due  spirituality  of  mind,  than  I  am  using. 

Jan.  11.  After  breakfast,  began  to  read  Isaiah,  being  in 
great  need  of  being  quickened  by  God,  and  w^arned  by  his 
word.  We  called  on  Mr.  Cecil,  with  whose  conversation  I 
was  much  struck  and  edified  :  after  leavintr  him,  I  called 
on ,  and  was  excessively  uneasy  at  the  conversation  be- 
tween the  female  part  of  the  company,  which  was  entirely 
on  the  amusements  of  the  world.  I  was  just  about  to 
ask  them  if  they  had  ever  found  happiness  in  these  things ; 
but coming  in,  we  spoke  on  a  subject  much  more  agree- 
able to  me.  When  I  left  him,  I  renewed  the  dedication  of 
myself  to  God  and  his  service,  officiated  at  family  worship, 
and  was  serious  in  prayer,  which  I  am  sure  was  a  mercy  I 
had  no  right  to  expect,  after  the  levity  and  neglect  of  the 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  161 

day.     But  he  dealeth  not  with  us  after  our  sins,  neither  re- 
wardeth  us  after  our  iniquities, 

•Jan.  12.  Left  London  in  low  spirits,  partly  from  illness, 
and  partly  from  the  dissipation  of  my  thoughts  from  delight 
in  God.  On  my  arrival  I  cried  to  God  for  deliverance  from 
my  present  state  of  lukewarmness  and  irreligion,  and  found 
some  little  increase  of  spirituality  after  praying.  Strove  to 
feel  in  prayer  the  awfulness  of  eternity,  and  of  the  work  of 
the  ministry.  0  that  I  may  watch  for  souls,  as  one  who 
must  give  an  account !  0  that  I  may  hear  God's  trumpet 
sound,  and  warn  souls,  lest  they  should  perish,  and  their  blood 
be  required  at  my  hand  !  Would  to  God  I  was  stirred  up  to 
feel  the  affections  of  a  minister  ! 

Jan.  13.  (Sunday.)  Rose  in  great  self-abasement,  and  shame, 
and  grief,  at  having  no  fruits  of  labor  to  offer  to  God  this  day. 
I  was  enabled  most  of  the  day  to  retain  a  spirit  of  watchful- 
ness, perceiving  the  necessity  of  stirring  up  myself  to  a  right 
mind.  And  in  consequence,  what  used  to  make  me  uncom- 
fortable, appeared  very  agreeable.  I  was  pleased  with  the 
thought  of  being  alone,  exposed  to  the  inclemencies  of  the 
weather,  and  deprived  of  earthly  comforts,  thinking  I  should 
be  a  gainer  on  the  whole,  by  having  more  of  the  presence  of 
God,  and  experiencing  the  power  of  Christ  resting  upon  me. 
I  prayed  before  sermon,  that  God  would  glorify  himself,  and 
not  me,  in  the  conversion  of  sinners,  and  in  the  first  hymn  at 
church  I  was  almost  overcome  with  joy ;  I  hardly  ever  re- 
member to  have  tasted  such  unmixed  delight.  "Thine  earthly 
sabbaths,  Lord,  we  love,"  was  the  hymn.  Oh,  I  thought,  it 
is  happy  to  pass  one's  days  in  contention  with  the  flesh, 
and  painful  diligence,  if  it  was  only,  because  they  so  much 
brighten  the  hope  and  the  prospect  of  glory.  Found  much 
edification  at  night  in  reading  some  parts  of  the  sermons  of 
that  great  man,  Jon.  Edwards,  as  I  did  of  quickening  in  the 
morning  from  David  Brainerd. 


162  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

Jan.  14.  A  day  of  struggling  with  natural  corruption,  not 
operating  in  a  way  of  gross  sinfulness,  but  incessantly  lead- 
ing me  away  from  God  into  vanity  and  cares.  Continued 
diligently  watching  over  my  own  frame,  and  striving  to  soothe 
it  into  comfort  and  happiness  by  dependence  on  God. 
Without  prayer  I  should  have  sunk  into  great  dejection  ;  but 
God  by  that  still  kept  me  in  general  with  my  head  above 
mine  enemies  round  about.  I  had  several  little  things  to  try 
my  patience  to-day,  and  my  soul  longed  to  depart ;  but  I 
saw  it  to  be  nobler  to  live  out  the  troubles  of  life. 

Jan.  15.  I  sat  an  hour  with  Mr.  Simeon,  who  much  re- 
probated the  idea  of  my  being  settled  near  or  at  Calcutta,  as 
Mr.  Brown  or  Buchanan  would  want  me  to  take  their  places 
in  the  college,  and  I  should  be  more  than  half  a  secular  man. 
He  said  he  wished  me  to  be  properly  a  missionary,  one  who 
should  be  quite  dead  to  this  world,  and  living  for  another. 
Went  to  meet  a  person,  at  whose  house  I  had  been  enter- 
tained some  years  ago.  There  was  a  great  deal  of  abuse  of 
missionaries,  but  the  Lord  enabled  me  to  keep  my  ground, 
and  to  bear  testimony. 

Jan.  1G.  In  my  walk  I  was  meditating  on  the  subject  of 
the  sermon ;  ray  desires  were  strong  at  this  time,  to  be 
preaching  to  the  Gentiles,  but  more  from  a  sight  of  its  excel- 
lency, than  love  to  Christ  or  souls.  Could  not  procure  a 
right  spirit  this  afternoon :  when  I  had  the  feelings  of  one 
anxiously  concerned  to  preach  faithfully  to  souls,  I  was  very 
happy,  and  my  work  was  pleasant ;  but  I  have  had  very 
little  of  the  presence  of  God  to-day.  Let  me  never  rest 
quietly  without  it. 

Jan.  17.  Endeavored  to  compose  my  mind  to  a  right 
frame  of  seriousness,  of  indifference  to  the  opinions  of  the 
world,  and  a  solemn  regard  for  souls.  But  I  want  more  so- 
litude and  prayer,  in  order  to  maintain  a  steadfast  regard  to 
eternal  things,  and    God's  presence.     Preached   at  Trinity 


1805. J      OF  THE  RET.  HEXRY  MARTYN.         163 

Church  on  John  i.  14.  The  sermon  was  deficient  m  serioms- 
ness,  and  though  I  felt  no  desire  to  glorify  myself,  it  did  not 
seem  as  if  God  were  speaking  by  me.  I  hope  to  be  more  at 
leisure  for  the  work  of  the  ministry,  and  that  my  God  will 
will  give  me  grace  to  improve  my  opportunities  with  very 
great  dihgence.  The  worldly  conversation  I  am  so  much  en- 
gaged in  from  day  to  day  is  very  deadening.  It  is  sweet 
indeed  still  to  find  God  my  hiding-place  and  my  shield  ;  but 
my  thoughts  wander  from  him  in  prayer,  for  want  of  spmtual 
exercise. 

Jan.  18.  's  friends  with  some  others,  took  wine  with 

me  ;  the  conversation,  thousfh  not  much  on  relisfion,  was  in- 
teresting  and  learaed.  Had  occasion  to  lament  afterwards, 
a  levity  and  unfeelingness  of  heart ;  that  is  my  constant 
error.  I  would  that  I  were  as  Christ,  holding  myself  in 
tender  collectedness  of  mind,  ready  to  do  good,  and  always 
feeling  a  desu-e  after  it. 

Jax.  19.  Had  my  temper  greatly  tried  this  morning. 
Almost  "the  whole  of  my  morning  prayer  was  used  to  get  my 
spirit  at  peace. 

Jan.  20.  (Sunday.)  Rose  with  my  mind  serious  and  con- 
cerned for  souls  :  felt  more  of  the  missionary  spirit  than  I  have 
ever  done,  being  willing  at  the  time  to  run  ;  find  pleasure  in 
the  thoughts  of  seeing  no  friend  or  companion  any  more,  but 
of  ti-avelling  about  in  the  same  inclement  weather  as  now, 
preaching  the  kingdom  of  God  to  the  most  ignorant.  There 
appeared  great  glory  and  excellence  in  the  work,  and  I 
longed  to  be  conformed  to  Jesus  Christ,  in  it.  Called  at 
several  houses,  where  the  people  had  stayed  at  home  on  ac- 
count of  weather.  One  couple  to  whom  I  had  been  most 
kind,  were  pointedly  disrespectful ;  such  is  the  ingratitude  of 
man  1  but  I  begin  to  learn  by  experience,  how  incomgible 
and  intractable  he  is.  Yet  I  will  not  cease  from  warning 
eveiT  one,  nvAit  and  day. 


164  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

-Jax.  21.  After  an  hour  of  Thucvdides  "witli  my  pupil,  I 
passed  the  remainder  of  the  evening  in  meditation  on  a  sub- 
ject of  Scripture,  and  prayer,  and  was  much  assisted.  In 
prayer  cried  for  mercy,  under  a  sense  of  my  guilt  and  great 
danger.  My  whole  soul  went  forth  to  take  hold  of  Christ, 
and  to  keep  nigh  to  him,  lest  I  should  perish.  Went  to  bed 
with  my  flesh  trembling  for  fear  of  God's  judgments. 

Jan.  22.  Passed  the  moniing  m  meditation  on  Job.  xxvii. 
8 — 10.  This  afternoon  a  letter  came  from  Mr.  G.,  desiring 
me  to  sail  for  St.  Helena  in  eight  or  ten  days.  The  sudden- 
ness of  this  call  produced  some  perturbation  of  spirits.  As 
I  cannot  be  ordained  priest  till  after  the  1 8th  of  February, 
it  is  impossible  to  go  so  soon,  but  I  think  I  shall  go  imme- 
diately after.  I  found  great  need  of  prayer  for  tranquillity 
and  composure  of  mind,  and  for  an  affectionate  remembrance 
of  these  dear  people  I  am  about  to  leave,  that  my  last  dis- 
courses may  be  more  spiritual  and  awakening  than  the  for- 
mer; and  also  for  preparation  for  death,  that  it  may  not 
come  upon  me  unawares  ;  but  that,  if  I  am  summoned  to 
the  bar  of  judgment  in  the  midst  of  the  bustle  of  departure 
from  this  country,  my  accounts  may  be  all  ready  and  right. 

Jan.  23.  Walked  out,  with  my  soul  toward  God,  and  my 
thoughts  much  employed  on  my  approaching  departure.  In 
the  evening  read  a  lesson  in  Hindostanee,  but  found  myself 
in  great  uneasiness  from  my  utter  unprofitableness.  I  cried 
to  God  for  deliverance  from  this  lukewarm,  irregular  state. 
The  reading  of  Col.  i.  immediately  after,  was  applied  to  my 

heart  and  conscience.     Went  to ,  hoping  there  might  be 

suitable  conversation  amongst  us.  But  the  utmost  levity 
prevailed.  I  was  not  carried  away  with  it  at  all,  but  I  ex- 
erted myself  very  little  to  promote  suitable  subjects.  It  is 
miserable  living  with  men ;  were  I  not  commancied  to  seek 
my  religion  from  God,  and  to  find  my  comfort  in  his  pres- 
ence and  work,  I  should  be  very  unhappy. 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  165 

Jan.  24.  Read  and  prayed  over  Col.  i.  and  ii.  Alas  !  how 
little  do  I  know  of  experimental  religion!  How  little  am  I 
influenced  by  such  spiritual  motives  as  the  apostle  there  in- 
culcates !  Walking  in  Christ  Jesus  is  something  very  differ- 
ent from  what  our  reason  would  ever  suggest  or  is  willing  to 
give  in  to.  May  I  know  those  evangehcal  mysteries  !  Spent 
the  afternoon  with  some  friends  very  delightfully.  We  sang 
seme  hymns  with  music.  I  felt  much  animated  in  devoted- 
ness  to  the  service  of  my  God,  especially  in  the  missionaiy 
work.  After  an  hour  with  my  pupil,  went  to  church,  and 
was  edified  by  Mr.  Simeon's  sermon  on  Rom.  viii.  12,  and 
felt  greatly  influenced  to  mortify  the  flesh,  and  to  keep  it 
under,  especially  its  slothful  inclinations  ;  this  world  is  not 
the  place  to  consult  ease.  Oh  may  I  receive  grace  never  to 
be  in  bondage  to  it,  as  I  am  by  nature.  Saw  the  Mohawk 
after  church,  and  was  filled  with  pity  to  find  he  was  going 
back  from  the  goodness  of  God. 

Jan.  25.  I  have  been  much  under  the  influence  of  a  light, 
vain  spirit  to-day,  though  my  heart  has  been  towards  God, 
both  in  prayer  and  at  other  times.  I  longed  to  get  near 
him,  yet  my  wandering  mind  led  me  continually  astray,  and 
no  spirituality  remained  an  hour  after  prayer.  I  could  use 
the  most  solemn  prayer,  and  have  the  most  solemn  desires 
pass  through  the  mind,  and  yet  rise  with  my  thoughts  in- 
stantly going  on  things  about  me,  without  any  holy  spiritual 
grace.  I  found  renewed  profit  in  reading  the  latter  part  of 
the  Epistle  to  the  Thessalonians,  as  I  had  in  reading  the  first 
part  in  the  morning.  The  epistles  are  very  useful  to  my  soul 
at  present.  At  other  times  I  take  less  pleasure  in  reading, 
but  now  it  is  my  earnest  desire  to  increase  in  spirituality  and 
rest. 

Jan.  26.  This  morning,  in  prayer,  had  very  clear  views  of 
eternity,  and  of  my  work  on  earth.  I  longed  that  I  might 
not  say  one  word  to  men  of  myself,  from  my  own  mind,  but 


166  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

that  God  would  put  his  own  word  into  my  mouth,  that  I 
might  feed  his  people  with  truly  spiritual  food.  Was  gene- 
rally joyful  in  my  walk.  The  nearness  of  my  departure,  and 
the  interest  so  many  people  take  in  it,  tended  to  harass  my 
spirits,  but  I  have  found  it  particularly  easy  to-day  to  stay 
myself  upon  God,  and  so  to  be  at  peace. 

J  AX.  2'7.  (Sunday.)  Preached  at  Trinity  on  Rom.  vii,  18. 
I  was  in  greater  fear  when  I  ascended  the  pulpit,  than  I  ever 
remember  to  have  been  ;  but  the  moment  I  began  to  pray 
all  my  fears  vanished.  Mr.  Simeon  pointed  out  the  faults  in 
my  sermon  afterwards,  for  it  seems  the  lower  people  in 
general  were  not  able  to  understand  it.  In  my  ride  to  Lol- 
worth  was  a  little  dejected  at  not  having  preached  intelligi- 
bly, and  especially  as  I  feared  I  was  ill  calculated  to  instruct 
the  poor  ignorant  heathen  ;  yet  surely  I  can,  if  I  am  on  my 
guard,  for  I  seem  to  be  able  to  instruct  children.  Preached 
at  Lol worth,  on  Acts  xx.  21,  to  an  attentive  congregation,  I 
think  with  great  plainness.  Had  much  of  God's  presence  on 
my  return  home.  The  gloiy  of  heaven  stirred  me  up  to 
press  toward  the  mark,  and  I  longed  to  be  doing  the  Lord's 
work. 

Jan.  28.  Filled  with  shame,  or  rather  with  a  conviction 
that  I  ought  to  be,  at  the  waste  of  my  time  this  morning  in 
bed  ;  how  abominable  it  is  with  my  profession  of  religion,  to 
throw  away  those  precious  moments,  in  which  the  rest  of 
God's  people  have  been  employed  in  early  devotion !  B.  told 
me  there  was  disapprobation  yesterday  at  my  having  preached 
instead  of  Mr.  Simeon.  This  made  me  a  little  unhappy,  by 
the  wound  it  gave  to  my  pride.  But  may  God,  of  his  mercy, 
mortify  this  vile  inmate  of  my  heart,  and  teach  me  hence- 
forth to  be  willing  that  my  name  should  be  cast  out  as  evil, 
even  by  God's  people,  and  that  God  should  have  all  the 
honor  and  glory  !  From  dinner  till  supper,  catechized  the 
children.     I  cried  unto  the  Lord  in  great  unhappiness.     I 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  1G7 

could  profess  to  him,  that  I  was  not  dissatisfied  with  his 
work  or  his  commandments,  but  with  mj  own  folly  and  cor- 
ruption, whereby  my  vanity  is  of  power  sufficient  to  draw 
my  thought  away  from  God,  my  best,  my  dearest,  my  only 
portion.  Felt  an  exceeding  satisfaction  at  the  rich  word  of 
Christ  contained  in  the  Epistles,  as  I  read  Galatians  at  night. 
I  have  need  to  hunger  and  thirst  after  righteousness,  for  I 
am  exceedingly  empty.  What  a  happy  soul  should  I  be, 
were  I  quite  crucified  to  the  world  ? 

Jan.  29.  Wrote  to  S ,  expressing  high  things,  such 

as  ardor  in  the  work  before  me,  and  joy  in  God.  May  I 
never  falsify  these  professions !  Passed  some  time  in  prayer 
profitably,  going  over,  before  God,  the  substance  of  the 
things  I  meant  to  say  to-night,  praying  to  have  them  wrought 
into  my  own  heart.  Just  before  I  began,  the  desire  of  my 
heart  to  God  was,  that  I  might  speak  with  exceeding  ten- 
derness and  spirituality.  When  I  went  away,  my  mind  was 
calm,  and  thankful,  and  fit  for  other  service. 

Jax.  30.  With  much  painful  conviction  of  my  constant 
unprofitableness,  I  had  sometimes  drawings  of  heart  towards 
God.  Dined  at  Mr.  Bates'  with  Mr.  Simeon,  <fc;c. ;  serious 
and  collected  on  going  amongst  them,  though  I  had  no  op- 
portunity fof  prayer  before.  The  conversation  there  was 
agreeable  and  spiritual,  and  I  thought  myself  in  pretty  good 
order ;  but  on  recollecting  the  pride  and  vanity,  the  want  of 
love  and  everything  good,  I  have  every  reason  to  abhor 
myself  in  dust  and  ashes.  Read  Ephesians  with  some  com- 
fort, with  Grotius,  but  most  of  the  time  thinking  on  1  Cor. 
i.  23,  24.  How  many  tampers  like  the  d€^"il  have  I !  par- 
ticularly pride,  thinking  well  of  myself,  in  spite  of  the  clear- 
est convictions  of  reason  and  experience  ;  and  such  petulance  ; 
it  is  well  if  God  through  his  mercy  break  my  proud  self-will 
by  contradiction ;  I  am  constrained  to  acknowledge  the 
greatness  of  his  patience  with  such  a  wretched  creature. 


168  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

Jan.  31.  After  passing  the  first  part  of  the  morning  in 
prayer,  with  first  of  Philippians,  I  sat  with  Mr,  Simeon  con- 
versing on  chap.  i.  23,  24.  While  walking,  my  soul  longed 
after  conformity  to  God,  and  to  be  helped  to  do  something 
in  his  service.  Determined  with  myself,  if  nothing  prevented, 
to  devote  to-morrow  to  prayer;  the  prospect  sweetened  my 
soul  a  little. 

Feb.  1.  Was  much  at  a  loss  this  morning,  to  know  whether 
I  ought  to  devote  this  day  to  prayer  or  not.  I  felt  disposed 
to  the  former,  but  considered  that  it  would  be  impossible  to 
prepare  a  sermon  for  Trinity,  as  I  had  promised.  Read  and 
prayed  with  Phil.  ii.  and  iii.  with  profit.  Oh,  God's  word  is 
precious  to  me  at  this  time.  In  prayer  after  dinner,  my 
heart,  which  had  been  quite  wandering,  was  restored  to  a 
spirit  of  seriousness,  and  a  desire  to  be  employed  with  some 
effect  in  the  work  of  the  ministry.  In  prayer,  in  one  part  of 
it,  the  Spirit  of  God  seemed  to  breathe  on  my  soul,  in  an 
especial  manner,  as  I  have  experienced  it  a  few  times  of  my 
life.  After  being  with  pupil,  went  to  a  class,  and  spoke  on 
Job  xxvii.  8-10.  O  let  me  not  be  found  a  praying  and 
preaching  hypocrite  at  the  last.  They  seemed  to  be  much 
affected. 

Feb.  2.  Again  had  the  painful  reflection  of  having  wasted 
time  in  bed,  through  indulgence  to  the  flesh.  God  is  still 
mercifully  pleased  to  send  down  his  Holy  Spirit,  notwith- 
standing my  poor  prayers  to  him.  I  came  with  grief  and 
shame  to  the  throne  of  grace,  confessing  how  much  time  I 
could  find  for  comparative  trifles,  such  as  sleeping,  walking, 
reading  newspapers,  and  yet  so  little  time  for  God.  My  soul 
was  a  little  restored.  I  longed,  as  in  most  of  the  prayers  at 
night  of  late,  that  I  could  entirely  forget  this  world,  the 
things  of  which  do  so  constantly  turn  away  my  thoughts 
from  God.  The  flesh  shrinks  at  times,  but  I  do  not  regret 
having  resigned  the  world.     No  !  far  from  it.     Life  is  but  a 


m 

1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  169 

short  journey,  a  little  day ;  and  then,  if  I  be  faithful  unto 
death,  my  gracious  reward  will  begin. 

Feb.  4.  Kept  stricter  watch  over  my  spirit  this  day  in  gen- 
eral, and  found  the  benefit  of  it.  Found  the  presence  of  God 
in  prayer  this  morning  composing  my  mind  into  seriousness 
and  solemnity.  I  tried  for  some  time  to  drive  away  all  levity 
in  my  frame  as  soon  as  it  appeared,  and  to  seek  for  the  unc- 
tion of  the  Holy  One.  I  found  it  necessary  to  repress  lively 
feelings,  and  by  that  means  tasted  a  purer  joy.  Wrote  a 
very  little  on  1  Cor.  i.  23,  24.  In  my  walk  I  Avas  helped  to 
keep  my  mind  in  sobriety  and  regard  to  God,  though  amid 
many  temptations  to  the  contrary.  I  thought  I  observed 
some  contemptuous  disregard  towards  me  to-day.  It  was 
comfortable  to  reflect,  that  it  was  for  the  name  of  Christ. 
About  to  be  dispirited  at  my  constant  backslidings,  but  for  a 
clear  and  heart-reviving  view  of  the  fulness  of  grace,  Avhich  is 
in  Christ ;  to  him  I  came,  and  found  refreshment  and  strength. 

Feb.  5.  I  was  enabled  to  stay  upon  God  by  faith,  feeling 
assured  he  would  keep  my  soul  in  peace,  and  instruct  me  how 
to  perform  my  public  duties.  Spoke  on  the  latter  part  of  2 
Thess.  ii.,  but  though  I  had  tolerable  fluency,  had  none  of 
that  unction,  Avhich  much  communion  v.'ith  God  produces. 
So  in  prayer,  I  had  much  power,  but  I  am  persuaded  it  was 
entirely  animal,  for  I  had  no  clear  views  of  God's  excellency; 
did  not  rise  more  humbled,  but  just  the  contrary,  nor  with 
my  soul  breathing  after  holiness,  for  I  was  disposed  to  be  as 
light  as  before  ;  till  at  last  a  great  sense  of  guilt  arose  in  my 
mind,  on  account  of  the  little  solemn  impression  left  by  the 
late  religious  exercise.  Was  again  disposed  to  dejection  and 
departure  from  God,  but  I  have  learnt  where  my  strength 
lieth.  I  know  that  my  necessities  should  only  lead  me  to 
Jesus,  who  never  turns  away  those  who  come  to  him  for 
help. 

Feb.  6.  Collected  passages  from  the  prophets,  predictive 
8 


170  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

of  the  future  glory  of  the  church  ;  but  not  having  any  specific 
subject  to  meditate  on,  my  thoughts  went  much  astray. 
Found  my  soul  in  great  need  of  deliverance  from  a  lukewarm 
state,  and  by  prayer  was  brought  to  more  serious  self-recol- 
lection. Alas !  so  much  communication  with  men  is  very 
prejudicial  to  me,  for  I  cannot  enjoy  God  without  more  solici- 
tude ;  and  oh,  how  wretched  is  the  best  society,  when  the 
mind  is  unfitted  for  God  !  Were  I  to  stay  aiiy  time  longer  at 
the  university,  I  should  be  bound  by  conscience  and  inclina- 
tion to  refuse  invitations  of  this  sort.  Alas  !  how  mucli  more 
profitably  might  all  this  precious  time  be  spent,  either  in 
prayer  or  study,  or  visiting  some  poor  souls !  I  recollected 
among  the  sins  of  this  day,  having  neglected  an  opportunity 
of  conversation  with  a  man  wh.om  I  met  on  the  road,  nierely 
through  disinclination.  How  vain  is  all  my  supposed  delight 
in  the  glory  of  the  church,  if  I  do  not  exert  myself  for  indi- 
vidual souls  !  Learnt  that  a  mandate  might  very  likely  be 
procured  for  me,  for  taking  a  B.  D.  degree  ;  this  would  give 
a  publicity  to  my  affair,  which  would  be  a  trial  to  me.  But 
while  my  God  vouchsafes  his  grace  to  my  soul,  by  which  I 
can  in  prayer  rise  far  beyond  wordly  things,  1  need  not  much 
fear  the  influence  of  distracting  vanities. 

Feb.  8.  Began  my  farewell  sermon,  and  was  engaged  in 
the  subject  with  my  mind  at  peace.  For  want  of  more 
prayer  and  solitude,  my  conversation  with  my  pupil  was  vain, 
and  inconsistent  with  the  gravity  and  sweetness  of  the  gos- 
pel. Afterwards,  I  came  to  God,  having  no  plea  but  his 
own  mercy  in  Christ,  and  found  the  Lord  to  be  gracious, 
plenteous  in  goodness  and  truth.  The  subject  of  God's 
promises  respecting  the  future  glory  of  the  church,  on  which 
I  was  at  work,  was  exceedingly  animating  to  me.  I  left  off 
very  unwillingly  at  a  late  hour,  and  longed  to  prosecute  the 
subject  on  the  morrow.  I  cannot  imagine  to  myself,  how 
things  could  be  differently  ordered,  so  as  to  be  more  for 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  171 

God's  glory,  or  more  delightful  to  my  soul.  The  nature  of 
his  promises,  and  the  language  in  which  they  are  expressed, 
are  all  such  as  I  should  suppose  worthy  of  God,  and  are  cer- 
tainly more  agreeable  to  my  mind,  than  I  can  think  they 
would  otherwise  be. 

Feb.  9.  An  unhappy  day  to  me  for  want  of  more  solitude 
and  prayer.  I  cannot  live  one  happy  hour  without  more  or 
less  communion  with  my  God.  What  is  this  world,  what  is 
religious  company,  what  is  anything  to  me  without  God? 
They  become  a  bustle  and  a  crowd,  when  I  lose  sight  of  him. 
The  most  dreary  wilderness  would  appear  paradise  with  a 
little  of  his  presence.  How  I  long  to  be  left  alone,  that  my 
thoughts  might  wait  upon  God  without  any  distraction. 
Began  the  day  with  tolerable  comfort,  both  in  reading, 
prayer,  and  writing.  But  from  twelve  to  twelve  at  night, 
was  scarcely  at  all  alone.     Was  unexpectedly  obliged  to  go 

to   C ,  at  supper,  without  having  time  to  prepare  my 

soul  by  prayer ;  and  the  consequence  was,  as  was  to  be 
expected  ;  when  I  might  have  attempted  to  give  the  conver- 
sation a  religious  turn,  I  felt  a  foolish  and  sinful  fear  of  giving 
oflfence.  The  conversation  was  literary.  Came  away  with 
much  pain. 

Feb.  10.  C continued   with  me  till   three  quarters  of 

an  hour  before  church,  which  time  I  spent  principally  in 
prayer,  of  which  indeed  I  stood  greatly  in  need.  After 
dinner,  feeling  much  dejection,  went  to  prayer ;  at  first  in 
great  daikness,  but  soon  the  Lord  poured  out  his  Spirit  in 
rich  abundance,  and  brought  light,  and  joy,  and  comfort  into 
my  soul.  There  is  nothing  in  the  weak  words  we  can  use, 
so  astonishinfflv  to  chano-e  the  frame  of  the  heart ;  but  God 
fulfils  his  promises  of  being  found  of  those  that  seek  him. 
The  kind  expressions  of  Christian  regard  I  received  from  a 
young  person  who  was  leaving  Cambridge,  and  expected  to 
see  me  no  more,  was  very  pleasing  to  me. 


172  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

Feb.  11.  Another  unprofitable  day.  Oh  the  misery  of  so 
much  conversation  with  creatures  !  I  would  rather  be  buried 
for  ever  from  the  siglit  of  man  in  a  wilderness,  than  to  be 
constantly  with  him. 

Feb.  12.  Breakfasted  with   C ,  but  my  mind   was  so 

uneasy  for  the  want  of  spiritual  duties,  that  I  could  not  say 
anything  at  all.  Afterwards  on  reading  Hebrews,  and 
prayer,  my  peace  and  comfort  returned.  I  endeavored  to 
put  myself  simply  into  the  hands  of  God,  prayed  that  I 
might  be  taught  of  the  Spirit  to  feed  the  church  of  God. 

C stayed  w^ith  me  again  ;  he  has  been  a  great  trial  to 

my  mind  since  he  has  been  here  :  but  how  foolish  am  1,  to  be 
deprived  of  my  peace  of  mind  by  the  presence  of  another ! 
no  one  can  hinder  the  range  of  the  spirit.  Oh,  may  it  ever 
dwell  near  my  God  !  Oh,  may  the  Lord  help  me  to  enjoy 
that  peace  which  passeth  all  understanding  ! 

Feb.  13.  In  prayer  particularly  desired  I  might  not  use 
the  word  of  God  deceitfully,  enthusiastically,  or  hypocriti- 
cally this  evening,  as  I  felt  myself  in  danger  of  doing.  The 
Lord  mercifully  poured  out  upon  me  a  spirit  of  prayer  and 
supplication  at  this  time,  so  that  I  continued  nearly  an  hour 
in  fervent  supplication,  chiefly  in  a  contrite  sense  of  my 
shameful    lukewarmness,    and    hardness    of    heart    towards 

Christ ;  talked  with a  long  time,  about  the  glory  of  the 

Christian  warfare  ;  with  great  conceit,  as  I  perceived  after- 
wards by  my  distance  fi.om  God.  Yet  he  mercifully  restored 
me  to  a  more  self-abasing  spirit.  The  rest  of  the  evening  I 
wrote,  pretty  freely,  a  sermon  for  to-morrow  night.  Blessed 
be  God  for  enabling  me  to  do  anything  at  all  for  his  glory  ! 

Feb.  14.  With  some  elevation  of  spirit  above  the  vain 
world,  I  preached  on  1  Cor.  i.  23,  24,  but  felt  not  very  well 
satisfied  afterwards.  I  was  afraid  it  was  not  plain  enough 
for  the  poor  people,  and  that  my  sermons  were  little  to  the 
heart,  and  too  much  in  generals.     After  supper  found  great 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  173 

comfort  in  approaching  to  God  in  prayer,  and  a  sweet  return 
of  precious  thoughts  of  eternity.  Oh,  why  am  I  not  more  a 
man  of  prayer  ?  How  the  Lord  encourages  me  to  pray,  by 
soon  giving  me  his  presence,  when  I  have  been  seeking  him 
but  a  very  Httle  ! 

Feb.  15.  Passed  the  evening  in  conversation  about  the 
mission,  and  the  nature  of  the  difficulties  I  should  meet  with 
on  board  the  ship.  But  none  of  these  things  move  me  at 
present. 

Fp:b.  16.  The  last  unprofitable  day  of  an  ^^nprofitable 
week.  Almost  the  whole  morning  was  broken  up,  and  in 
private  duties  I  was  little  comforted  ;  but  it  is  not  fervor  that 
will  keep  the  soul  alive,  without  long  and  continued  com- 
munion with  God.  After  dinner  had  much  seriousness  in 
prayer,  and  wished  for  nothing  but  to  be  doing  the  work  of 
Chi-ist,  and  went  in  this  frame  to  visit  the  woman  and  her 
son.  The  room  was  so  exceedingly  offensive,  that  I  could 
scarcely  endure  it  for  an  instant,  yet  by  care  I  Avas  able  to 
continue  for  about  half  an  hour. 

I  felt  at  times  this  evening  a  dislike  to  all  God's  work. 
1  was  vexed  with  my  mise^-able  self,  and  discontented  with 
everything  tliat  lay  in  futurity.  But  in  prayer  I  cried  to  God 
to  be  delivered  from  my  worldly,  lukewarm,  and  idle  state, 
and  I  rose  more  humble.  My  very  soul  groans  at  such  a 
life  ;  nothing  done  for  God  or  my  soul  to  any  good  purpose. 

C told  me  I  was  far  above  the  comprehension  of  people 

in  general.  Nothing  pains  and  grieves  me  more  than  this,  for 
I  had  rather  be  a  preacher  of  the  gospel  among  the  poor, 
and  to  the  poor,  so  as  to  be  understood  by  them,  than  be 
anything  else  upon  earth.  Would  to  God  my  soul  were 
quite  dead  to  this  wretched  world,  the  outward  things  of 
which  do  continually  plague  and  distract  me ! 

Feb.  lY.  (Sunday.)  Somewhat  oppressed  this  morning, 
from  a  sense  of  my  unfitness  and  unacceptableness  to  a  poor 


174  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

cono-recvation.  However,  I  was  in  no  o-reat  dano-er  from  a 
vain  wandering  mind,  for  I  felt  base  and  worthless,  and  unfit 
to  be  among  God's  people.  It  was  suitable,  and  comfortable 
to  me,  to  read  the  penitential  sentences  at  the  beginning. 

Preached  at  Lolworth  on  1  Cor.  i.  23,  24,  and  my  heart 
towards  the  last  was  filled  with  the  truest  fervor.  "When  I 
began  to  say,  "And  we  now  preach  to  you  Christ  crucified," 
and  to  exhort  them  to  come  to  him,  the  Spirit  seemed  to  fill 
my  heart ;  I  never  felt  a  stronger  comiction  of  the  truth  of 
the  gospel.     The  people  were  very  attentive. 

Feb.  18.  My  birth-day;  but  I  have  been  able  to  make 
few  profitable  reflections  on  it.  Morning  prayer  brought  me 
to  seriousness  and  steadiness  ;  meditation  and  prayer  on  Heb. 
xi.  were  delightful  to  me.  At  night  the  Lord  mercifully  as- 
sisted me  much  in  my  studies.  Yet  this  heart  is  vain,  and 
proud,  and  alas,  it  is  not  near  to  God.  But  let  me  praise 
his  holy  name,  for  having  brought  me  to  the  end  of  my  24th 
year  in  safety.  May  the  world  never  have  occasion  to  mourn 
at  my  birth-day ! 

Feb.  19.  In  my  walk,  was  thinking,  with  great  sallies  of 
joy  and  delight,  on  the  glorious  work  which  lay  before  me, 
of  carrying  happiness  to  the  benighted  heathen.  But  I  en- 
deavored to  moderate  the  outward  expressions  of  joy,  that  it 
might  be  more  pure  and  lasting.  After  dinner  I  sought  to 
solemnize  my  mind  by  prayer,  and  passed  half  an  hour  in 
the  exercise.  0  m}-  soul,  be  more  serious  and  holy.  The 
work  of  God  is  my  business,  and  the  more  I  attend  to  it,  the 
more  easy  and  satisfying  it  is  to  me. 

Feb.  21.  Walked  to  Drayton.  On  the  road  I  had  little 
of  the  presence  of  God,  but  was  kept  from  wandering  far- 
ther, by  learning  some  Scripture  by  heart.  After  dinner  I 
tried  to  keep  near  to  God  by  continual  ejaculations  to  him, 
as  I  went  along  the  streets  ;  but  nothing  can  make  up  for 
the  want  of  stated  prayer.     In  the  evening,  after  my  heart 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  1Y5 

had  been  goincr  farther  still  from  God,  so  that  I  could  not 
read,  I  betook  myself  to  prayer  when  alone  ;  and  oh,  how 
great  is  the  mercy,  that  the  Lord  lets  me  come  nigh  him  by 
an  ordinance  so  simple  !  How  wonderful,  that  it  should  be 
made  the  means  of  bringing  me  to  that  spirituality  and 
peace,  which  the  utmost  efforts  of  reason  could  not  attain 
without  it ! 

Feb.  22.  Being  excessively  tempted  to  worldliness,  I  found 
blessed  hope  in  prayer,  so  that  with  my  pupil,  my  deport- 
ment was  serious  and  Christian  beyond  my  expectations :  a 
great  many  hours  I  spent  in  considering  what  is  meant  by 
the  presence  of  God,  yet  went  to  bed  not  much  dissatisfied. 

Feb.  23.  Employed  in  writing  on  Rev.  iii.  20.  The  1st 
Epistle  of  Peter  was  still  very  profitable  to  my  soul.  Having 
had  occasion  to  think  on  death  as  near,  I  could  repose  with 
a  solemn  quietness  on  the  blessed  God.  In  my  walk  felt 
some  tenderness  in  my  heart  for  souls.  How  easy,  I  thought, 
and  pleasant  is  the  exercise  of  my  ministry,  to  what  it  might 
be  and  will  be  hereafter  ! 

Feb.  24.  (Sunday.)  Riding  home  from  Lolworth,  I  was 
enabled  to  be  in  prayer  much  of  the  time.  I  was  laboring 
to  feel  an  entire  indifference  to  all  created  comforts,  even  to 
be  contented  to  be  without  the  ordinances.  I  wanted  to  feel 
myself  as  having  nothing  on  earth  to  do,  but  to  work  for 
God,  and  as  having  to  expect  no  comfort,  but  from  commu- 
nion with  God.  I  endeavored  to  realize  my  future  life  as  a 
missionary,  to  ask  whether  I  could  be  satisfied  in  resigning 
forever  all  pleasing  society,  to  roam  about  a  desert,  looking 
for  people  to  preach  to,  and  to  wait  upon  them,  patiently 
enduring  their  scorn  and  ill  treatment.  My  heart  did  not  at 
all  shrink  from  it,  but  on  the  contrary,  improved  and  em- 
braced  it.     It  has  been  in  general  a  blessed  day. 

Feb.  25.  Rose  with  my  mind  uncomfortable  and  unbe- 
lieving, but  by  prayer  recovered  a  httle  of  heavenly-minded- 


176  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

ness  and  resignation.  The  whole  morning  passed  away  in 
business,  in  which  God  mercifully  kept  me  in  great  calmness 
and  unconcern  about  worldly  things.  Called  on  Dr.  Milner, 
the  Master,  and  Cotton,  about  the  Mandate ;  the  evening 
passed  in  reading  Hindoostanee,  during  which  time  I  wound- 
ed my  conscience  by  not  approaching  God  in  prayer,  which 
I  foolishly  delayed  till  a  late  hour.  Oh,  why  do  T  suffer  my 
heart  to  stay  away  a  moment  from  God,  the  fountain  of  living 
waters  ?  why  do  I  not  fear  him  who  hath  power  to  cast  both 
soul  and  body  into  hell  ?  How  much  do  I  want  to  have  the 
fear  of  God  before  my  eyes  ! 

Feb,  26.  Began  to  meditate  after  breakfast,  on  Heb.  xi. 
13 — 16,  with  some  pleasure,  as  it  has  generally  been  a 
blessed  subject;  but  I  made  little  advance.     In  my  walk 

met  '-,  and  continued  with   him  till  dinner.     My  heart 

burned  with  pain  and  vexation  at  his  pernicious  errors,  I 
talked  very  plainly,  and  with  a  full  heart,  of  the  freeness  of 
the  gospel  salvation,  I  pray  God  he  may  be  enlightened  to 
perceive  it.  Though  I  was  very  warm,  I  said  nothing  that  I 
am  aware  of  that  could  offend  him,  or  that  appeared  to  do 
it.  In  the  afternoon  went  to  see  a  poor  young  woman,  who, 
after  a  life  of  sin,  appears  to  be  now  in  a  dying  state,  though 
only  seventeen  ;  she  was  in  too  much  pain  to  attend  to  me 
much,  and  so  I  withdi-ew,  affected  almost  to  tears,  partly 
from  pity  to  her,  but  more  from  a  sense  of  the  grace  of  God, 
and  the  preciousness  of  that  gospel  committed  to  my  trust. 
With  my  pupil  in  our  worldly  studies,  I  had  that  same  turn 
of  mind  I  so  often  fall  into  with  him ;  a  quarter  of  an  hour's 
prayer  after  this  hardly  restored  my  mind  to  a  proper  tone. 

Feb.  27,  Nothing  will  compensate  for  the  want  of  close 
walking  with  God,  and  private  fervent  prayer.  Was  much 
enlivened  and  cheered  by  Christian  company,  yet  my  soul 
thirsteth  after  the  living  God.     At  night  in  prayer,  I  had 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  177 

mucli  tenderness  and  contrition  of  spirit;  how  I  longed  to 
have  it  always  as  I  ought !  I  groaned,  because  I  was  in  a 
body  which  kept  my  soul  from  God,  and  constantly  hurried 
my  thoughts  ^'om  him  to  earth.  Went  to  bed  with  fervent 
desires  for  grace,  and  deliverance  from  the  bondage  of 
corruption. 

Feb.  28.  Going  out,  as  I  thought,  to  enjoy  the  presence 

of  God,  I  met  with ,  with  whom  I  was  obliged  to  walk, 

his  head  so  full  of  the  senate-house  business,  as  to  be  inca- 
pable of  attending  to  anything  on  religion.  It  sometimes 
sui'prises  me,  that  I  am  sent  by  Providence  into  situations 
where  my  thoughts  are  necessarily  called  down  to  earth, 
without  any  good  to  myself  or  others.  But  these  things  are 
for  the  trial  of  faith. 

March  3.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  Matt.  vii.  13,  14,  to  a 
large  congregation,  but  though  I  was  plain  enough,  there 
was  little  impression  on  the  people.  Alas,  do  I  think  that 
any  good  can  be  done  without  very  fervent  prayer  for  their 
poor  souls  ?  In  my  ride  home,  I  labored  to  see  the  necessity 
of  patient  continuance  in  well-doing,  and  if  even  for  many 
years  I  should  see  no  fruit,  not  to  relax  my  labors.  It  was 
a  comfort  to  me  again,  to  reflect  that  my  business  and  plea- 
sure were  quite  independent  of  outward  things.  Though 
people  should  despise  my  preaching,  and  God  should  leave 
his  servant  without  any  seals  to  his  ministry,  yet  still  my 
great  business  was  not  at  all  let,  i.  e.  the  sanctification  of  my 
own  soul.  At  night  enjoyed  much  of  the  comfort  of  God  in 
my  soul  at  church.  The  account  of  Mr.  Wilberforce's  having 
lost  the  motion  for  the  abolition  of  the  Slave  Trade,  together 
with  reflections  on  the  pride  and  sins  of  this  place,  affected 
me  deeply  to-night.  I  longed  to  pour  forth  my  complaint  to 
God,  and  began  with  much  fervor,  but  was  interrupted.  Oh, 
our  guilty  land,  shall  not  God  visit  for  these  things  ?  shall 


8^ 


178  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

not  God  be  avenged  on  such  a  nation  as  this?  The  pride, 
infidehty,  and  abominations  of  this  land,  seem  to  show  it  ripe 
for  destruction,  so  that  I  expect  God  will  soon  put  in  the 
sickle  and  reap.  ^ 


1805.1  OF   THE    REV.    HENRY   MARTYN.  179 


CHAPTER    IX. 

March  4.  In  morning  prayer  liad  a  solemn  season  of  reve- 
rence and  submission  to  God.  I  seemed  to  have  no  wisli  in 
my  heart,  but  that  God  may  be  glorified  ;  as  it  was  a  comfort 
to  me  to  reflect,  that  he  will  be  glorified.  In  my  walk  I 
prayed  continually,  that  I  might  be  kept  by  the  power  of 
God  in  a  sedate  and  sober  frame.  If  people  are  not  satisfied 
with  my  conduct,  I  have  nothing  to  do,  but  to  leave  my 
record  with  God,  before  whom,  HE  is  witness,  I  desire  to 
walk  with  perfect  strictness  and  uprightness.  It  is  plain 
from  the  observations  of  others,  that  I  am  grown  more  proud. 
Oh,  I  long  to  have  a  time  of  humiliation,  that  I  may  be  able 
to  abase  myself  in  tears,  on  account  of  the  pride  and  hard- 
ness of  my  heart. 

March  5.  Passed  much  of  the  earlier  part  of  the  morning 
in  prayer,  which  I  greatly  needed,  and  enjoyed  a  solemn  and 
spiritual  frame.  After  dinner  again  in  prayer,  and  was 
helped  to  be  serious.  Oh,  how  blessed  is  it  to  be  solemn  and 
serious.     A  foretaste  of  the  calm  of  heaven  ! 

Preparation  for  leaving  any  place  is  very  affecting  ;  after 
a  few  more  stages,  the  journey  of  life  will  be  ended.  Amen ! 
I  feel  attachment  to  the  present  scene,  though  my  mind  is  so 
continually  distracted  by  it. 

March  6.  Went  to  London ;  found  it  very  difficult  to 
pray,  or  keep  my  mind  right  in  the  journey.  I  thought  it 
my  duty  to  try  and  instruct  the  coachmen,  as  there  was  no 
other  person  outside.  One  was  a  furious  and  abandoned 
character ;  he  seemed  a  little  afi'ected  and  humbled,  but  the 
more  sober  one  had  learned  to  affect  infidelity. 


180  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805- 

March  7.  After  some  difficulty  attained  somewhat  of  a 
happy  spiritual  frame,  finding  the  presence  of  God  in  secret 
prayer.  Stopped  some  time  at  the  gate  of  St.  James's,  to  see 
the  nobility  go  to  court ;  was  much  affected  with  melancholy, 
at  seeing  such  a  glare  of  finery  on  poor  old  shrivelled  people, 
fit  only  to  be  shrouded  in  a  cofiin.     What  a  transition  will 

take  place  at  death  I     Spent  the  evening  at  Mr.  G 's, 

and  recollected  with  shame,  that  I  had  introduced  no 
relio-ious  remark,  though  I  might  have  done  it,  and  seemed 
more  anxious  to  please  men  than  God.  Came  away  full  of 
grief  and  shame,  but  this  pain  did  not  last  long  ;  oh,  the 
mercy  of  God  in  not  forsaking  me  entirely  ! 

March  8.  Went  to  Dr.  Gilchrist,  and  received  some  in- 
structions from  him  respecting  the  pronunciation  of  Hindoo- 
stanee.  Afterwards  went  with  Mr.  Grant  to  the  India 
House  ;  he  said  he  had  no  doubt  I  should  be  nominated 
time  enough  to  go  out  by  this  fleet. 

March  9.  The  importance  of  my  ministerial  work  was 
much  on  my  mind  this  afternoon,  and  the  godly  conversation 
of  Mr.  Bates  on  the  subject  much  assisted  these  thoughts. 

March  10.  (Sunda)^)  The  want  of  sufficient  private 
prayer  was  very  hurtful  to  my  soul,  and  comfort ;  arrived 
at  the  Chapel  Royal  at  St.  James's,  a  quarter  before  eight. 
I  found  my  hard  heart  melting  a  little  at  the  confessional 
parts  ;  the  sermon  was  preached  by  Dr.  Judd,  on  the  import- 
ance of  eternity,  compared  with  time.  I  was  pleased  and 
gratified  with  the  solemnity  of  the  subject,  and  the  thoughts. 
The  ordination  on  the  whole  was  rather  a  solemn  ordinance 
to  me,  far  more  so  than  my  ordination  at  Ely,  3^et  very  little 
like  what  it  ought  to  be,  through  the  levity  and  ignorance  of 
my  heart.  "  Come,  holy  Spirit,  heavenly  dove,"  &c.  seemed 
to  be  the  prayer  most  answered. 

In  the  course  of  the  day,  my  soul  enjoyed  much  of  God's 
presence,  but  unhappily  my  eyes  wandered  to  behold  vanity  ; 


1805. J      OF  THE  REV.  HENRY  MARTYN.         I8l 

-with  some  self  denial,  and  pain,  I  determined  to  have  nothincf 
to  do  in  thought  with  any  idol,  or  anything  that  might  hinder 
my  work. 

March  12.  Averse  to  morning  prayer,  through  sinful  un- 
watchfulness  over  my  thoughts,  and  yet  through  the  unceas- 
ing mercy  of  God  was  restored  to  something  of  a  godly 
frame.  Attended  Dr.  Gilchrist  this  morning,  and  read  some 
Hindoostanee  to  him ;  on  my  return  bought  an  JEschylus 
and  Pindar,  with  some  hesitation,  as  fearing  I  might  use  tlie 
money  to  a  better  purpose ;  but  I  may  hope  that,  if  ever  I 
should  find  it  convenient  to  read  the  poets,  the  Lord  will 
sanctify  these,  as  he  has  done  my  other  studies,  to  the  im- 
provement of  my  mind,  and  my  fitness  for  the  public  duties 
of  the  ministry.  Acts  xx.  and  1  Thess.  v.  were  nmch  blessed, 
as  they  often  are,  to  the  spiritualizing  of  my  mind. 

March  13.  Iii,  prayer  had  a  sort  of  fervor,  which  was 
destitute  of  true  spirituality.  After  breakfast,  for  two  or 
three  hours  read  Hindoostanee  :  by  foolishly  delaying  scrip- 
tural reading  and  prayer,  I  was  called  to  be  out  some  hours 
without  being  refreshed  and  strengthened.  Went  to  God  in 
great  shame  and  sense  of  miser}^,  as  soon  as  I  got  home,  for 
all  the  levity  and  unprofitableness  of  my  conversation  :  this 
was  beneficial  to  me,  as  I  was  moi-e  near  to  God  all  the  rest 
of  the  day. 

March  14.  Went  down  to  Cambridge.  On  the  road  had 
two  or  three  seasons  of  prayer,  with  the  presence  of  God  : 
the  latter  part  of  the  way  I  had  an  opportunity  of  declaring 
the  awful  truths  of  scripture,  to  some  gay  men  on  the  top  of 
the  coach..  On  my  arrival  I  felt  happy  in  communion  with 
God. 

March  15.  In  prayer  seemed  to  get  little  good,  but  in 
looking  up  to  God  for  his  sure  mercy,  that  he  would  revive 
my  soul,  and  keep  me  near  him,  I  found  returning  peace. 
Sat  with  Mr. ;  I  explained  my  motives  with  all  sincerity. 


182  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

but  in  vain.  So  impossible  is  it  to  approve  myself  to  men 
universally ;  but  oli,  while  my  record  is  on  high,  while  I 
desire  the  heart-searching  God  should  be  privy  to  my 
thoughts,  and  direct  my  conduct,  it  matters  little  if  men 
condemn.  sat  with  me  some  time  ;  I  found  less  satis- 
faction in  his  views  than  ever.  His  evil  seems  to  be,  if  any- 
thing can  be  so  called,  and  excess  of  charity ;  yet  withal,  he 
is  deeply  humble  and  serious ;  and  to  his  direction,  under 
God,  I  owe  it,  that  I  am  not  now  a  worldling.  We  parted 
as  for  ever.  God  bless  him,  and  preserve  him  to  his  heavenly 
kingdom ! 

March  16.  Went  to  London  :  at  times  I  was  engaged  in 
prayer  with  some  fervor,  and  then  I  was  happy ;  nearness  to 
God  diffused  a* sweet  peace  over  my  mind.  But  the  greater 
part  of  the  time,  slothfulness  prevailed  to  keep  me  from 
effectual  fervent  prayer. 

March  IV.  (Sunday.)  I  preached  on  1  Tim.  i.  15.  The 
subject  was  soothing  to  my  own  disordered  spirit,  and  some 
old  people  seemed  much  affected.  After  church  I  obtained 
a  httle  time  for  prayer,  but  not  enough  to  attain  to  much 
spirituality.  After  dinner,  my  soul  drew  near  to  God,  and 
breathed  freely  forth  to  him  holy  desires. 

March  18.  At  night,  in  prayer,  I  longed  to  forget  the 
world,  and  to  be  swallowed  up  in  entire  devotion  to  God,  to 
live  always  unto  him,  and  went  to  bed  so  happy  and  peace- 
ful in  this  frame,  that  I  felt  very  sorry  that  sleep  would  in- 
terrupt it,  and  would  be  likely  to  leave  me  in  a  different 
state  in  the  morning. 

March  19.  I  prayed  very  earnestly  that  I  might  be  kept 
from  that  levity  into  which  I  fell  so  repeatedly  in  the  course 
of  the  day.  Employed  in  Hindoostanee,  till  I  went  to  Gil- 
christ. I  was  jejune  for  want  of  reading  and  prayer ;  but 
the  Lord  helped  me  to  check  and  restrain  the  babbling 
tongue.     Found  the  presence  of  God  again,  both  before  and 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  183 

after  dinner,  in  prayer  ;  but  this  seems  to  me  to  be  merely 
keeping  my  ground  without  advancing.  Oh  may  the  Lord 
keep  me  safe,  amid  the  dangers  which  surround  me  !  I  must 
have  double  watchfulness  to  employ  my  time  and  thoughts 
well,  now  I  am  drawn  from  college  retirement. 

March  20.  Walked  out  into  the  city  with  tolerable  peace 
of  mind,  leaving  it  w^ith  the  Lord  to  help  and  instruct  his 
wretched  creature  in  holy  things,  in  which  my  shallow 
knowledge  might  well  make  me  to  be  ashamed  and  tremble  to 
try  to  teach  others.  Most  of  the  rest  of  the  evening  I  was 
writing  more  freely ;  and  one  half  hour  particularly,  my 
spirit  got  disentangled  from  its  sin  and  misery,  and  enjoyed 
the  presence  of  God  in  prayer. 

March  21.  On  my  mentioning  to  Gilchrist  my  desire  of 
translating  some  of  the  scriptures  with  him,  he  advised  me 
by  all  means  to  desist,  till  I  knew  much  more  of  the  lan- 
guage, by  having  resided  some  years  in  the  country.  He 
said  it  was  the  rock  on  which  missionaries  had  split,  that  they 
had  attempted  to  write  and  preach,  before  they  knew  the 
language.  The  Lord's  prayer,  he  said,  was  now  a  common 
subject  of  ridicule  with  the  people,  on  account  of  the  man- 
ner in  which  it  had  been  translated.  All  these  are  useful 
hints  to  me. 

March  22.  Meditation  on  Acts  xx.  seemed  to  form  my 
mind  to  blessed  spirituality.  Read  Benson's  "  Life  of  Mr. 
Fletcher,"  and  seemed  to  enter  a  little  into  the  spirit  of  that 
extraordinary  man.  I  longed  that  all  the  powers  of  the  soul 
might  be  awakened  to  praise  and  adore  God.     Called  on 

,  and  felt  much  hurt  at  his  late  neglect ;  a  sense  of  un- 

kindness  pained  me.  Why  do  I  look  even  to  saints  for  my 
happiness  ?  they  are  able  to  wound  the  feelings  of  their 
brethren  even  as  others.  But  there  is  one  who  sticketh  closer 
than  a  brother.  Oh  that  I  may  love  Christ  more !  What 
can  the  world  give  me  in  comparison  of  him  I  while  I  have 


184  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

him  for  my  friend  and  portion,  and  a  bright  eternity  in  view, 
let  me  be  contented  to  be  slighted,  scorned,  and  cast  out  by 
all  men. 

March  23.  My  thoughts  were  far  from  being  spiritual, 
yet  from  fatigue,  with  so  much  intercourse  with  the  world, 
and  so  little  with  God,  my  spirit  rose  easily,  without  effort 
almost,  to  heaven,  seeking  repose. 

March  24.  At  home,  it  pleased  God,  in  the  riches  of  his 
grace,  to  manifest  his  love  to  me,  the  chief  of  sinners,  in 
private  prayer  ;  so  gracious  is  God  in  his  ways,  and  sove- 
reign in  all  he  does.  When  I  could  least  of  all  have  expected 
it  for  my  unprofitableness,  then  he  visited  my  soul.  Oh  how 
shall  this  soul  ever  acknowledge  the  mercy,  the  astonishing 
grace  of  God ! 

March  25.  Through  the  cold  keeping  my  body  in  an  un- 
comfortable state,  I  was  little  disposed  to  stir  myself  to  com- 
munion with  God.  But  alas,  this  is  little  of  exercise  for  a 
missionary  life. 

March  26.  In  prayer  was  able  to  feel  somewhat  of  m}- 
misery  and  corruption,  by  nature  and  practice.  Oh  the  per- 
fect, the  unceasing,  the  undeviating  service  that  ought  to  be 
rendered  to  God !  but  I  am  doing  scarcely  anything. 

March  27.  Trifled  a  good  deal  to-day.  Oh  how  do  I  long 
for  a  right  state,  when  my  soul  shall  for  ever  glorify  God  in 
the  perfection  of  holiness  !  May  the  Lord  mercifully  pour 
out  his  Spirit  on  me,  that  I  may  weep  for  myself,  and  the 
people  round  me,  and  be  able  to  leave  the  distracting  vani- 
ties which  unfit  my  mind  for  profitable  exercises,  to  live  in 
unceasing  communion  with  God  ! 

March  29.  Walked  with  B in  a  vain,  trifling,  uneasy 

frame.  But  I  could  not  stay  in  this  frame  long,  and  found 
the  benefit  of  prayer  in  delivering  me  from  it.  Endeavored 
to  prepare  myself  by  communion  with  God  for  the  company 
I  was  going  into.     After  dinner  I  had  a  good  deal  of  con- 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTIN.  185 

versation  witli  ,  and  had  an  opportunity  of  declaring 

many  important  religious  truths.  Yet  I  came  away  grieved, 
as  I  could  not  but  be,  at  the  sluggishness  and  want  of  zeal 
in  me,  as  well  as  at  the  general  infidelity  and  scorn  of  religion 
in  the  higher  circles  of  society.  At  night  found  the  evil  con- 
sequences of  such  a  life  as  1  have  been  leading  of  late,  and 
the  general  want  of  solitude  ;  for  there  was  a  manifest  strange- 
ness  in  my  thoughts  to  eternal  things ;  but  through  the  rich 
mercy  of  God  my  heart  is  heavenward.  The  more  I  see  of 
grandeur,  the  more  I  am  disgusted  with  it ;  I  cannot  help 
shuddering  at  their  neglect  of  God,  and  scorn  of  the  gospel. 
For  any  thing  I  have  seen  yet,  in  this  wo.dd,  I  would  prefer 
all  the  hardships  of  the  missionary  life,  to  all  its  pleasures. 

Makch  30.  The  w^iole  morning  passed  away  in  going  to 
different  places,  but  I  have  seldom  enjoyed  more  richly  the 
presence  of  God.  The  words,  *'  Blessed  are  the  pure  in 
heart,  for  they  shall  see  God,"  w^ere  continually  on  my  mind. 
I  was  conscious  I  knew  little  or  nothing  of  this  sight  of  God, 
and  yet  it  was  certain,  that  if  my  heart  were  pure,  I  should 
experience  the  blessedness  of  it.  I  did  strive  a  little  against 
the  impurity  of  my  heart,  by  excluding  improper  thoughts. 
To  keep  the  heart  clean  is  a  hard  matter  indeed,  and  what  I 
know  very  little  about ;  it  requires  more  labor,  care,  and  self- 
denial,  than  my  flesh  can  easily  submit  to. 

In  the  evening  was  preparing  some  sermons  for  to-morrow^ 
Oh  that  I  may,  according  to  my  prayer,  never  trifle  with  the 
awful  work  of  addressing  men's  souls,  nor  preach  the  grace 
of  the  gospel  only  to  excite  a  transient  pleasure  in  people, 
but  in  the  humble  hope  that  God  will  glorify  himself  by  ap- 
plying it  to  the  conversion  of  sinners  !  Oh  that  I  could  forget 
self  entirely,  and  give  all  honor  and  glory  to  God,  even  as  I 
hope  to  do  in  heaven  ! 

March  31.  In  the  interval  between  morning  and  after- 
noon service  I  prayed  and  prepared  myself  a  little ;  but  the 


186  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

world,  and  a  regard  to  the  opinions  of  people,  seemed  to 
bind  down  my  miserable  spirit.  Read  and  preached  in  the 
afternoon,  on  John  iv.  10.  Mr.  Cecil  said  a  great  deal  to 
me  on  the  necessity  of  gaining  the  attention  of  tlie  people, 
of  preaching  with  more  warmth  and  earnestness.  I  feel 
wounded  a  little  at  finding  myself  to  have  failed  in  so  many 
things ;  yet  I  succeeded  in  coming  down  to  the  dust,  and 
received  gladly  the  kind  advice  of  wise  friends.  At  night  I 
was  rather  discouraged,  thinking  I  should  do  no  better ;  yet 
my  soul  had  more  of  the  holy  presence  of  God,  and  I  went 
into  the  pulpit  with  composure  and  more  concern  for  immor- 
tal souls  than  in  general.     There  was  great  attention. 

What  danger  am  I  in  from  public  ministrations !  Oh  that 
I  could  still  be  alone  in  private  with  God,  even  when  speak- 
ing in  public ! 

April  1.  Had  much  solemnity  brought  on,  seemingly  by 
repeating  the  20th  of  Acts,  as  soon  as  I  awoke.  The  effect 
of  that  passage  is  truly  astonishing.  I  had  intended  to  de- 
vote this  morning  to  prayer,  but  I  went  out  after  breakfast, 
and  was  absent  six  hours  about  my  business.  Went  to  Lord 
Hawkesbury's  office ;  but  being  too  early,  I  went  into  St. 
James's  Park,  and  sat  down  on  a  bench  to  read  my  Bible. 
After  a  little  time  a  person  came  and  sat  on  the  same  bench. 
I  found  he  had  known  better  days.  He  was  about  seventy 
years  of  age,  and  of  a  very  passionate  and  disappointed 
spirit.  He  spoke  sensibly  on  several  subjects,  and  was  ac- 
quainted with  the  gospel,  but  was  offended  at  my  reminding 
him  of  several  thino^s  concerninof  it. 

April  2.  Breakfasted  with  .     Our  conversation  was 

on  the  most  delightful  subject  to  me,  the  spread  of  the  gospel 
in  future  ages.  I  went  away  animated  and  happy.  In  prayer 
at  night  my  soul  panted  after  God,  and  longed  to  be  entirely 
conformed  to  his  image. 

April  3.  After  dinner  passed  some  time  in  prayer,  and 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  187 

rejoiced  to  think  that  God  would  finally  glorify  himself,  what- 
ever hindrance  may  arise  for  a  time.  I  found  that  the  chap- 
laincies had  been  agreed  to,  after  two  hours  debate,  and  some 
obloquy  thrown  upon  Mr.  Grant  by  the  chairman,  for  his 
connection  with  Mr.  Wilberforce,  and  those  ^leo'ple.  Mr.  G. 
said  that  I  should  appear  before  the  court  in  a  couple  of 
days  in  my  canonicals.  I  must  attend  to  my  appearance,  as 
I  should  be  much  remarked,  on  account  of  the  person  who 
had  nominated  me.  I  feel  this  will  be  a  trial  to  me,  which  I 
would  never  submit  to  for  gain,  but  I  rejoice  that  it  will  be 
for  my  dear  and  blessed  Lord. 

April  4.  Went  down  to  Cambridge ;  by  being  stirred  up 
every  now  and  then  to  meditate  and  pray,  I  was  enabled  to 
pass  the  hours  of  travelling-  with  contentment.  At  night  was 
at  church,  when  almost  for  the  first  time  I  observed  Mr. 
Simeon's  manner,  and  conceived  great  admiration  of  him  as 
a  preacher.  Supped  with  him  alone  afterwards;  he  prayed 
before  I  went  away,  and  my  heart  was  solemnly  affected. 

April  6.  Passed  most  of  the  morning  in  the  fellows'  gar- 
den ;  it  was  the  last  time  I  visited  this  favorite  retreat,  where 
I  have  often  enjoyed  the  presence  of  God. 

April  Y.  (Sunday.)  Preached  at  Lolworth  on  Prov.  xxii. 
1*7  ;  very  few  seemed  affected  at  my  leaving  them,  and  those 
chiefly  women.  An  old  farmer  of  a  neighboring  parish,  as 
he  was  taking  leave  of  me,  turned  aside  to  shed  tears  ;  this 
affected  me  more  than  anything.  Rode  away  with  my  heart 
heavy,  partly  at  my  own  corruption,  partly  at  the  thoughts 
of  leaving  this  place  in  such  general  hardness  of  heart.  Yet 
so  it  hath  pleased  God,  I  hope,  to  reserve  them  for  a  more 
faithful  minister.  Prayed  over  the  whole  of  my  sermon  for 
the  evening,  and  when  I  came  to  preach  it,  God  assisted  me 
beyond  my  hopes.  Most  of  the  younger  people  seemed  to 
be  in  tears.  The  text  was  2  Sam.  vii.  28,  29.  Took  leave 
of  Dr.  Milner:  he  was  much,  affected,  and  said  himself  his 


188  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

heart  was  full.  Mr.  Simeon  commended  me  to  God  in  prayer, 
in  which  he  pleaded,  among  other  things,  for  a  richer  bless- 
ing on  my  soul.  He  perceives  that  I  want  it,  and  so  do  I. 
Professor  Parish  walked  home  with  me  to  the  college-gate, 
and  there  I  parted  from  him  with  no  small  sorrow. 

April  8.  My  young  friends  in  the  university,  who  have 
scarcely  left  me  a  moment  to  myself,  were  with  me  this 
morning  as  soon  as  I  was  moving,  leaving  me  no  time  for 
prayer.  My  mind  was  very  solemn,  and  I  wished  much  to 
be  left  alone.  A  great  many  accompanied  me  to  the  coach, 
which  took  me  up  at  the  end  of  the  town ;  it  was  a  thick 
misty  morning,  so  that  the  university,  with  its  towers  and 
spires,  was  out  of  sight  in  an  instant. 

April  10.  Grieved  at  night  that  I  could  not  serve  God 
better.  0  Lord,  have  mercy  on  thy  creature  ;  stir  him  up  to 
live  by  faith,  to  fight  the  good  fight  of  faith,  to  be  diligent  in 
pleading  with  God  for  his  grace,  and  using  the  means  of  im- 
provement. 

April  12.  Rose  early,  as  it  was  Good  Friday,  and  passed 
above  an  hour  in  prayer  with  great  benefit.  I  was  led  to 
pray  for  humility,  and  a  tender  spirit,  which  God  gave ;  thus 
I  find  every  degree  of  diligence  is  rewarded.  Many  little 
slights  to-day,  and  the  consequences  of  my  own  ignorance, 
tended  to  humble  me,  and  I  desired  it  should  be  so,  for  in  no 
state  is  my  soul  so  safe  and  happy. 

April  15.  I  grieved  that  I  have  never  served  God  in  any 
manner  that  might  not  cover  me  with  confusion,  and  do  de- 
sire that  God's  service  may  be  my  all  in  all  for  ever.  I  have 
a  promise,  that  they  who  seek  shall  find  ;  that  though  I  can- 
not have  my  faculties  altered,  and  in  that  respect  must  re- 
main inferior  to  many,  yet  in  piety  I  may  grow  richly  and 
largely,  and  without  any  bounds.  Oh  that  I  was  in  earnest 
for  eternity  !  oh,  may  God  confirm  my  feeble  resolutions  ! 

April  lY.  I  continued  in  prayer  nearly  an  hour ;  my  folly 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  189 

and  lukewarmness  were  brought  home  to  my  view,  and  I  was 
grieved  at  thinking  how  the  people  of  God  might  have  been 
encouraged  in  carelessness,  by  seeing  me,  honored  with  the 
name  of  a  missionary,  so  carnal.  Oh,  may  I,  according  to 
my  prayer,  be  kept  holy  during  my  few  days  in  England, 
and  then  go  forth  to  be  more  alone  with  God  than  ever ! 
With  the  fear  of  God,  and  a  broken  spirit,  all  things  are  in 
right  order  in  my  mind  ;  may  that  be  my  state  for  ever  f 

April  22.     Walked  a  good  while  with  S ;  the  great 

difference  in  his  worldly  circumstances  and  mine,  led  to  many 
reflections,  which  at  first  rather  depressed  me ;  not  because 
I  wished  to  change  my  condition,  but  because  others  seemed 
to  pity  me,  and  so  I  thought  often-time  it  was  a  state  of  little 
comfort ;  but  is  it  not  more  happy  and  glorious  to  live,  to  do 
as  much  as  possible  for  God,  than  to  sit  down  to  please  my- 
self ?  "  Blessed  are  the  pure  in  heart,"  &c.,  was  an  occasion 
of  some  delight  to  my  soul,  as  I  went  along  the  stieets. 

April  23.  Went  to  Mr.  Cecil's  this  morning,  and  received 
some  instructions  from  him,  on  the  manner  of  writing  to  effect ; 
soon  after  met  with  Mr.  Grant,  and  felt  much  affected  with 
his  kindness. 

April  24.  Oh  may  I  live  indeed  a  more  spiritual  life  of 
faith  !  Prayed  that  I  might  obtain  a  more  deep  acquaintance 
Avith  the  mysteries  of  the  gospel,  and  the  offices  of  Christ ; 
my  soul  was  solemnized.  Found  from  Mr.  Grant  that  I  was 
that  day  appointed  a  chaplain  to  the  East  India  Company  ; 
but  that  ray  particular  destination  would  depend  on  the 
government  in  India  ;  rather  may  I  say  that  it  depends  on 
the  will  of  my  God,  who  in  his  ovv^n  time  thus  brings  things 
to  pass.  Oh  now  let  my  heart  be  spiritualized ;  that  the 
glorious  and  arduous  work  before  me  may  fill  all  my  soul, 
and  stir  me  up  to  prayer. 

April  25.  Breakfasted  with  the  venerable  Mr.  Newton, 
who  made  several  striking  remarks  in  reference  to  my  work. 


190  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

He  said  he  had  heard  of  a  clever  gardener,  who  would  sow 
the  seeds  when  the  meat  was  put  down  to  roast,  and  engaged 
to  produce  a  salad  by  the  time  it  was  ready  ;  but  the  Lord 
did  not  sow  oaks  in  this  way.  On  my  saying  that  perhaps  I 
should  never  live  to  see  much  fruit,  he  answered,  I  should 
have  a  bird's-eye  view  of  it,  which  would  be  better.  When 
I  spoke  of  the  opposition  that  I  should  be  likely  to  meet 
with,  he  said,  he  supposed  Satan  would  not  love  me  for  what 
I  was  about  to  do.  The  old  man  prayed  afterwards  ^yith 
sweet  simphcity.  Drank  tea  at  C.  Our  hearts  seemed  full 
of  the  joy  which  comes  from  the  communion  of  saints. 

April  26.  Met  D at  Mr.  Grant's,  and  was  much  af- 
fected at  some  marks  of  love  expressed  by  the  people  at 
Cambridge,  at  the  time  of  my  leaving  them ;  he  said,  that  as 
I  was  going  down  the  aisle,  they  all  rose  up  to  take  their  last 
view. 

April  28.  Went  to  Mr.  Cecil's  to  tea :  he  was  very  strik- 
ino-  as  usual  in   his  observations,  and  I  sat  contented  to  be 

o 

despised,  as  I  deserve ;  saying  nothing  to  the  purpose, 
though  under  all  this  there  was  much  pride  lurking.  At 
nit^i-ht  read.  Mr.  C.  preached  on  "  godly  sorrow  worketh 
repentance,"  &c.  It  was  a  most  able  sermon,  powerfully 
engaged  the  attention,  and  yet  I  cannot  say  my  feelings  are 
devoutly  affected  by  this  sort  of  preaching  ;  at  night,  at , 
home  I  enjoyed  peace  and  comfort,  and  our  conversation  was 
pleasant  and  profitable. 

April  29.  Rose  in  much  dejection  ;  fearing  that  I  should 
never  be  of  use  in  the  ministry,  and  moreover  that  I  should 
prove  an  unsteady  character  in  India,  for  I  find  the  seed  of 
a  roving  temper  in  me  ;  yet  in  prayer  I  was  brought  to  trust 
in  the  Lord,  to  commit  my  way  unto  him,  to  feel  that  now 
was  the  time  to  rejoice  in  faith,  when  the  cloudy  and  dark 
day  was  coming.  Some  of  the  promises  in  Isaiah  were  un- 
speakably rich.     When  I  get  near  to  God  without  any  par- 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  191 

ticular  diligence,  I  suppose  some  one  has  been  praying  for 
me.  At  night,  in  the  midst  of  great  lukewarmness,  grace 
was  often  in  exercise,  teaching  me  to  dehght  in  the  prospect 
of  serving  God,  and  the  permission  of  being  with  him,  coming 
to  him,  and  receiving,  out  of  the  fulness  of  Christ,  "  grace 
for  grace." 

May  2.  Went  down  to  Mitcham ;  the  noise,  and  carriages, 
and  people  in  the  streets,  had  no  power  to  divert  m}^  atten- 
tion; for  I  was  determined  to  be  in  earnest.  At  night,  in 
my  room,  read  Timothy  with  deep  anxiety  ;  could  have  gladly 
stayed  up  all  night,  reading  and  praying,  in  the  views  of  the 
work  of  the  ministry,  and  my  want  of  prepai-ation  for  it. 
Retired  to  bed  in  a  devoted  spirit.  Yes,  though  the  flesh  is 
necessarily  lulling  me  with  sloth,  though  I  must  truly  say 
that  my  flesh  is  full  of  all  iniquity, — my  heart  acknowledges  no 
love  but  that  of  God  ;  I  could  not,  I  would  not  be  happy, 
without  being  altogether  his,  and  employed  in  his  service 
forever. 

May  3.  Rose  in  much  the  same  spirit ;  there  was  nothing 
on  earth  that  seemed  worth  my  notice  one  moment,  but 
laboring  for  the  salvation  of  precious  souls.  Walked  a  little 
in  the  grounds,  and  had  much  sober  joy  in  the  prospect  of 
the  time  when  the  wilderness  should  be  made  hke  Eden, 
Through  neglect  of  retirement  for  prayer,  my  mind  was  in 
its  natural  state,  and  consequently  much  pained  at  night. 
Ah  !  my  soul,  is  this  the  life  of  Brainerd  ?  Oh  let  me  learn 
from  all  my  joys,  and  all  my  sorrows,  that  keeping  close  to 
God  is  the  path  of  peace  ! 

May  4.  Waited  this  morning  on  the  Archbishop  of  Can- 
terbury at  Lambeth  Palace.  He  had  learnt  from  somebody 
my  circumstances,  the  degree  I  had  taken,  and  my  object  in 
going  to  India.  He  spoke  much  on  the  importance  of  the 
work,  the  small  ecclesiastical  establishment  for  so  great  a 
body  of  people,  and  the  state  of  those  English  there,  who. 


192  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

he  said,  "  called  themselves  Christians."  He  was  throughout 
very  civil,  and  wished  me  all  the  success  I  desired.  I  then 
proceeded  to  the  India  House,  and  received  directions  to  at- 
tend on  Wednesday  to  be  sworn  in.  i\fterwards  walked  to 
Mr.  Wilberforce's  at  Broomfield,  and  was  much  restored  and 
refreshed  by  learning  and  thinking  on  Ephesians.  The  cir- 
cumstance of  leaving  my  friends  at  night,  brought  Acts  xx. 
to  my  mind,  and  I  continued  thinking  of  it  with  great  so- 
lemnity and  sweet  tranquillity,  and  desire  to  be  the  servant 
of  the  Lord. 

Mat  8.  Morning  passed  in  writing  sermon,  and  reading 
Mr.  Grant's  book.  The  state  of  the  natives,  and  the  pros- 
pects of  doing  good  there,  the  character  of  Svvartz,  &c.,  set 
forth  in  it,  much  impressed  my  mind ;  and  I  found  great 
satisfaction,  in  pleading  for  the  fulfilment  of  God's  promises 
to  the  heathen.  It  seemed  painful  to  think  of  myself  at  all, 
except  in  reference  to  the  Church  of  Christ.  Being  some- 
what in  danger  of  distraction  this  evening,  from  many  con- 
current circumstances,  I  found  a  very  short  prayer  answered 
by  my  being  kept  steady.  Heard  from  Mr.  Parry  this  eve- 
ning, that  in  consequence  of  an  embargo  laid  on  all  the  ships 
by  government,  on  account  of  the  sailing  of  the  French  and 
Spanish  fleets,  I  should  not  be  able  to  go  before  the  middle 
of  June,  if  so  soon.  Thus  it  has  pleased  God  once  more  to 
detain  me.  What  his  design  is,  time  will  show  ;  whatever  it 
is,  let  me  rejoice  in  thinking  it  will  be  entirely  for  the  best. 

May  9.  Thought  myself  bound  to  change  the  subject  of 
my  sermon  for  Sunday,  in  consequence  of  Mr.  Simeon's  tell- 
ing me  I  had  mistaken  the  meaning  of  it ;  at  first  I  was  re- 
luctant, after  having  done  so  much ;  but  I  felt  that  I  could 
not  dare  to  expect  the  blessing  or  assistance  of  the  Holy 
Ghost,  if  I  wilfully  perverted  his  meaning.  By  reading  and 
prayer  my  mind  was  more  steady  and  serious  than  en  other 
mornings  :  after  dinner,  took  up  the  epistle  to  the  Corin- 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  193 

thians,  and  vras  affected  with  solemnity,  by  its  spiritual 
truths. 

May  10.  Heard  Mr.  Thompson  preach  a  missionary  ser- 
mon to  a  large  congregation.  The  pride  of  being  an  impor- 
tant personage  in  the  assembly,  being  a  missionary,  was  as 
much  as  I  could  keep  in  subjection.  In  prayer  afterwards, 
found   benefit  to  my  soul,  and  was  assisted  in  my  walk  to 

meditate  on  the  subject.     Passed  the  evening  with  and 

,  thinking  it  w^ould  be  the  last  time  I  should  see  them, 

but  the  time  passed  in  the  most  unprofitable  manner.  This 
way  of  hving  is  grievous  to  me  ;  I  want  more  solitude,  more 
long  and  heart-searching  communion  with  God. 

May  12.  (Sunday.)  In  the  afternoon,  preached  a  sermon 
for  the  children  of  a  charity  school,  on  Luke  xi.  11-13.  Mr. 
Cecil  told  me  he  had  heard  I  had  been  preaching  excellently. 
Mr.  B.  told  me  the  sermon  was  very  miserable  ;  he  observed 
a  total  want  of  animation  and  action.  These  remarks  I  was 
once  foolish  enough  to  feel  hurt  at,  but  nov/  I  see  much 
cause  to  bless  the  Lord  that  he  hath  placed  me  for  a  time  in 
London,  where  so  many  friends  are  endeavoring  to  correct 
me.  Drank  tea  at  Lady  Catharine  Murray's.  Our  conversa- 
tion at  night  was  on  important  subjects,  and  my  soul  seemed 
to  be  very  near  the  enjoyment  of  these  things  ;  but  my  dis- 
order made  the  effect,  which  these  joyous  thoughts  have  on 
my  frame  of  body,  too  painful  to  be  borne.  I  feel  encour- 
aged to  make  every  effort  both  in  body  and  mind,  in  order 
to  become  an  able  minister  of  the  New  Testament.  Blessed 
be  God  for  it,  this  is  one  of  the  benefits  of  my  delay  in  Eng- 
land ;  the  settlement  of  my  dear  sister  is  another  comfort 
attending  it. 

May  13.  I  read  Flavel's  Method  of  Grace;  went  out 
without  reading  any  of  the  word  of  God  in  private.  The 
consequence  was,  that  my  thoughts  were  vain  and  idle,  in 
my  walk,  and  I  returned  unhappy,  and  unfit  for  communion 

Q 


194  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805 

with  God.  At  night  saw  the  necessity  of  being  roused  to 
my  duty.  If  I  spare  the  flesh,  and  take  so  Uttle  pains  as  I 
have  been  doing,  God  will  hide  his  face.  I  made  holy  reso- 
lutions, the  Lord  help  me  to  keep  them.  Matt,  x,  xxiv,  and 
XXV.,  and  2  Tim.  were  awful  warnings  to  my  soul.  Oh  !  how 
base  is  my  lukewarmness — Oh  !  may  Christ  patiently  bear 
with  all  my  infirmities,  and  heal  my  backslidings,  and  help 
me  to  pour  forth  my  very  body  and  soul  in  fervent  labors 
exerted  in  his  beloved  service  !  Amen. 

May  15.  Read  prayers  at  Mr.  Newton's,  and  preached  on 
Ephes,  ii.  19 — 21.  The  clerk  t]n*ew  out  very  disrespectful 
and  even  uncivil  things  respecting  my  going  to  India. 
Though  I  thought  the  asperity  and  contemptuousness  he 
manifested  unsuitable  to  Ins  profession,  I  felt  happy  in  the 
comfortable  assurance  of  being  upright  in  my  intentions. 
The  sermon  was  much  praised  by  some  people  coming  in ; 
but  happily  this  gives  me  little  satisfaction.  Went  home 
and  read  a  sermon  of  Flavel's,  on  knowing  nothing  but 
Christ.  I  was  made  sensible  of  my  extreme  ignorance  of 
gospel  mysteries,  and  on  my  knees  implored  that  the  Spirit 
of  God  would  instruct  me.  My  heart  was  also  in  heaviness 
through  the  rising  of  corruption,  and  seemed  imwilling  to 
part  with  the  world  and  its  enjoyments,  and  be  separated 
from  my  dear  friends,  and  left  alone  with  God,  All  these 
evils  I  spread  before  the  Lord  in  prayer,  and  obtained  some 
relief  and  comfort.  In  the  evening  read  for  Mr.  Cecil,  who 
preached  in  a  most  striking  manner,  on  Rev,  iii.  21.  I  was 
encouraged  to  determine  to  fight,  but  oh,  what  pride  and 
hardness  of  heart,  and  forgetfulness  of  God,  have  I  to  recol- 
lect this  day  ! 

May  17,  Found  myself  unable  to  write  on  any  subject; 
was  a  little  revived  by  learning  Isaiah  xl ,  but  was  sinking 
again  into  a  cold  state,  when  through  the  mercy  of  God  I 
took  the  alarm  at  my  idleness  and  negligence  of  duties,  and 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  195 

prayed  with  humility  and  fervor.  Walked  out  and  continued 
in  earnest  striving  with  my  corruption.  I  made  a  covenant 
with  my  eyes,  which  I  kept  strictly ;  though  I  was  astonish- 
ed to  find  the  difficulty  I  had  in  doing  even  this.  I  contin- 
ued in  humiliation  and  prayer,  especially  that  God  would 
vouchsafe  to  teach  me  the  mysteries  of  redemption,  and  help 
me  to  find  out  in  what  manner  sinners  should  be  addressed. 
In  this  state,  though  there  was  much  pain  and  sorrow,  even 
to  tears,  and  though  I  felt  dreadful  opposition  in  the  flesh,  I 
felt  it  was  a  right  work,  the  Spirit  striving  against  the  flesh, 
and  I  mourned  to  think  how  soon  it  would  pass  away.  The 
sight  I  had  of  my  corruption,  and  the  extreme  difficulty  of 
fixing  the  soul  towards  God,  impressed  this  text  deeply  on 
me — "  With  men  it  is  impossible,  but  with  God  all  things  are 
possible."  Read  some  of  the  chapters  of  the  Revelation, 
with  much  of  the  blessing  and  presence  of  God.  I  was 
deeply  affected  with  divine  things. 

May  19.  (Sunday.)  Towards  night  many  things  occurred 
to  bring  down  my  pride  very  low.  Mr.  Cecil  preached  on 
1  Thess.  iii.  8.  I  was  affected  even  to  tears  at  reflecting  that 
God  had  not  caused  any  such  connection  to  exist  between 
me  and  my  people ;  it  seemed  as  if  people  heard  me  as 
though  they  heard  not.  But  my  soul  breathed  fervently  for 
grace,  to  perceive  the  infinite  value  of  immortal  souls,  and  to 
labor  incessantly  for  them  in  prayer  ;  hearing  afterwards 
something  said  in  praise  of  me,  I  lost  a  good  deal  of  this 
humility  and  spiritual  comfort ;  still  found  myself  quickened 
and  edified  by  the  word  of  God  at  night. 

May  20.  Oh  how  merciful  has  God  been  in  fixing  me  in 
necessary  duty,  as  at  Cambridge,  without  wdiich  I  should 
certainly  have  given  way  to  sloth  !  It  appeared  very  painful 
to  me  at  the  time,  but  I  now  feel  the  benefit.  Yet  now  I 
am  treacherous  to  God ;  hard  it  is  for  me  to  stir  myself  up 
to  spirituality  and  diligence  in  duty,  when  no  outward  minis- 


196  JOURNAL  AND  LETTERS  [1805. 

tration  demands  it.  Oh,  ^Yhat  a  living  after  the  flesh  is 
this! 

May  21.  Almost  all  my  prayers  are  now  with  reference  to 
the  ministry.  Read  and  prayed  over  John  xv.  before  I  went 
out,  and  forced  my  thoughts  to  continue  more  sober.  Mr. 
Cecil  called  to-day,  and  spoke  with  his  usual  force  on  the 
work  of  the  ministry,  particularly  on  the  necessity  of  seclu- 
sion from  company.  Let  me  remember  Matthew  xxiv.  I 
read  it,  and  well  might  I  tremble.  My  soul  is  astonished, 
and  confounded  at  itself,  that  it  is  not  swallowed  up  in  the 
immensity  of  the  ministerial  work. 

May  22.  Endeavored  to  guard  my  thoughts  this  morning 
in  a  more  particular  manner,  as  expecting  to  pass  it  with 
Sargent,  in  prayer  for  assistance  in  the  ministry.  Calletl  at 
Mr.  Wilberforce's,  when  I  met  Mr.  Babington.  The  extreme 
kindness  and  cordiality  of  these  tAvo  was  very  pleasing  to 
me,  though  rather  elating.  Learnt  that  two  young  men  of 
Chesterton  had  come  forward,  who  professed  to  have  been 
awakened  by  a  sermon  of  mine  on  Psalm  ix.  17.  I  was  not 
so  aflfected  with  gratitude  and  joy  as  I  expected  to  be ;  could 
not  easily  ascribe  the  glory  to  God ;  yet  I  will  bless  him 
through  all  my  ignorance,  that  he  has  thus  owned  the  minis- 
try of  one  so  weak.  Oh,  may  I  have  faith  to  go  onward, 
expecting  to  see  miracles  wrought  by  the  foolishness  of 
preaching !     After  dinner  went  to   the  India  House  to  take 

leave.     Mr. ,  the  other  chaplain,  sat  with  me  before  we 

were  called  in,  and  I  found  that  I  knew  a  little  of  him,  hav- 
ing been  at  his  house.  As  he  knew  my  character,  I  spoke 
very  freely  to  him  on  the  subject  of  religion.  Was  called  in 
to  take  the  oaths  ;  Mr.  Grant,  in  the  chair,  addressed  a 
charge  to  us  extempore.  One  thing  struck  my  attention, 
which  was,  that  he  warned  us  of  the  enervating  effects  of 
the  climate.  In  the  evening  heard  Mr.  Crowther  preach. 
mentioned  Mr. as  an  alarming^  instance  of  the 

o 

eflfect  of  Indian  climate  and  manners  ;  he  went  out  with  zeal. 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  197 

but  had  lost  it  all.  This  dwelt  very  much  on  my  mind  all 
the  rest  of  the  evening.  The  sense  of  my  very  great  danger 
made  me  feel  a  sort  of  guilt,  as  if  I  had  fallen  already. 
Prayed  with  nearness  to  God  when  I  got  home,  both  in  re- 
ference to  the  sermon  I  had  heard,  and  my  own  case. 

May  23.  Humbled  this  morning  at  thought  of  my  waste  of 
time,  and  self-indulgence.  As  I  walked,  my  soul  was  full  of 
holy  ardor,  to  war  a  good  warfare,  and  to  trample  sin  and 

Satan  under  feet.     My  interview  with was  such  as  hurt 

my  feehngs.  My  mind  was  ruminating  on  the  ways  of  the 
world.  How  much  of  them  is  seen  in  the  people  of  God  1 
Went  home,  and  found  comfort  in  prayer. 

May  25.  Fervent  in  prayer  for  usefulness  in  the  ministry. 
In  the  streets,  in  my  w^alk,  my  heart,  in  some  dejection, 
seemed  at  times  to  triumph  over  difficulty  and  every  snare,  in 
tlie  power  and  strength  of  Christ.  Spent  the  evening  with 
Mr.  Atkinson.  The  conversation  was  highly  spiritual  and 
profitable,  and  encouraging  to  me. 

May  26.  (Sunday.)  At  night,  after  evening  service,  em- 
ployed the  time  in  reading  and  prayer.  The  Lord  vouchsafed 
his  presence  in  prayer.  And  in  reading  Isaiah,  I  was  delight- 
ed with  the  promises  respecting  the  church.  The  occasional 
displays  in  Isaiah  of  the  greatness  of  God  rather  kept  my 
heart  at  a  distance,  though  in  other  parts  I  found  texts  that 
encouraged  me. 

May  27.  Lost  much  of  my  comfort  by  following  my  own 
will  in  my  studies  and  employments  this  morning,  instead  of 
a  punctual  observance  of  the  order  of  duty.  Read  2  Tim.  i. 
1 1 ,  but  could  not  find  that  spirituality  come  from  it,  which  I 
often  have.  I  need  the  spirit  of  fear,  that  I  may  serve  God 
with  reverence.  However,  in  the  evening,  it  pleased  the  Lord 
to  suffer  me  to  draw  near  him  in  prayer.  My  soul  had  a 
solemn  season.  I  could  look  clearly  and  steadily  through 
the  whole  of  life,  and  feel  myself  at  the  end  of  it ;  and  thus 


198  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

pray  with  enlargement  respecting  the  different  dangers  I 
suspected  might  he  in  my  way.  Read  Flavel's  Sermons  with 
much  profit,  and  studied  a  subject  for  Sunday  next. 

May  29.  It  pleased  God  to  keep  my  heart  right  this  morn- 
ing, though  yesterday  and  this  morning  I  had  so  little  re- 
gularity in  secret  duties.  Read  Isaiah  li.  and  liii.  and  found 
it  very  solemnizing  to  my  soul.     I  desired  to  follow  Christ 

in  his  humiliation.     's  want  of  sobriety  and  lowliness  is 

very  hurtful  to  me,  and  so  is  also  the  corruption  of  my  sinful 
heart. 

May.  30.  Rose  with  a  great  deal  of  a  vain  spirit,  but  the 
mercy  of  God  restored  me.  Went  to  the  India  House.  Kept 
the  covenant  with  my  eyes  pretty  well.  Oh  what  bitter  ex- 
perience have  I  had  to  teach  me  carefulness  against  tempta- 
tion !  I  have  found  this  method,  which  I  have  sometimes 
had  recourse  to,  useful  to-day  ;  namely,  that  of  praying  in 
ejaculations  for  any  particular  person,  whose  appearance 
might  prove  an  occasion  of  sinful  thoughts.  After  asking  of 
God,  that  she  might  be  as  pure  and  beautiful  in  her  mind 
and  heart  as  in  body,  and  be  a  temple  of  the  Holy  Ghost, 
consecrated  to  the  service  of  God,  for  whose  glory  she  was 
made,  I  dare  not  harbor  a  thought  of  an  opposite  tendency. 
About  the  middle  of  the  day  I  felt  exceedingly  melancholy 
at  my  unprofitableness  ;  and  prayer  and  determination  to  be 
more  diligent  could  not  remove  it.  After  dinner  began  to 
think  on  subject  for  sermon  with  great  fervency  of  spirit,  and 
wrote  very  slowly  all  the  rest  of  the  evening.  Yet  this  con- 
tinuance of  employment  left  me  much  relieved  and  refreshed. 
Now  this  is  astonishing  to  me, — that  repeated,  daily,  invaria- 
ble experience  assures  me  of  the  connection  God  has  made 
between  diligence  and  delight,  holiness  and  happiness  ;  and 
yet  I  am  so  neglectful  of  what  I  know  to  be  the  means. 

May  31.  Met  with  my  captain,  who  told  me  that  two- 
thirds  of  his  cargo  was  aboard,  but  the  embargo  was  not 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  199 

taken  off.  How  uncertain  is  tlie  time  of  our  departure  !  It 
is  the  Lord  that  orders  all  things.  He  will  scatter  the  French 
and  Spanish  fleets  with  his  storms,  rather  than  that  his  gos- 
pel should  not  be  preached  among  the  heathen,  if  he  so  de- 
sign it.  Of  how  little  consequence  in  his  eyes  are  all  these 
political  movements,  except  as  in  subserviency  to  the  gather- 
ing in  his  elect !  In  the  evening  wrote  sermon,  my  mind 
being  generally  happy  and  serious :  two  things,  I  sometimes 
thought,  divided  my  mind  ;  to  live  upon  earth  some  time 
longer  to  preach  Christ  among  the  heathen,  or  to  depart  and 
be  with  him ;  though  I  could  not  but  feel  the  latter  would 
be  far  better. 


200  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 


CHAPTER    X. 

June  1 .  I  am  now  come  to  that  month,  the  end  of  which, 
I  should  think,  I  shall  not  see  in  England.  My  departure 
from  my  friends,  and  my  deprivation  of  the  sweetest  delight 
in  society,  forever  in  this  life,  have  rather  dejected  me  to-day. 
Ah  !  nature,  thou  hast  still  tears  to  shed  for  thyself !  My 
mind  was  peculiarly  solemn,  and  had  several  affecting  seasons 
in  prayer  to  the  Spirit  for  assistance.  And  I  remember  that 
this  time  last  year,  when  I  was  preparing  for  Whitsunday, 
and  led  in  some  manner  to  pray  to  the  Spirit,  my  soul  Avas 
more  than  ordinarily  impressed.  I  seem  to  be  hankering 
after  something  or  other  in  this  world,  though  I  am  sure  I 
could  not  say  there  is  anything  which  I  believed  could  give 
me  happiness.  No  !  it  is  in  God  alone.  Memory  has  been  at 
work  to  unnerve  my  soul ;  but  reason,  and  honor,  and  love  to- 
Christ  and  to  souls,  shall  prevail.     Amen.     God  help  me  ! 

June  2.  (Sunday.)  In  the  afternoon,  read  and  preached 
on  John  xvi.  8.  "He  shall  convince  the  world  of  sin."  There 
was  great  attention,  and  my  own  spirit  was  animated  ;  but  I 
had  not  the  precious  thoughts  which  came  into  my  mind 
occasionally  yesterday  and  to-day  ;  namely,  thoughts  of  the 
value  of  souls  and  the  power  of  God,  which  would  make 
preaching  efficacious,  and  thoughts  of  simply  approving  my- 
self unto  God,  in  the  near  view  of  eternity,  unconcerned  and 
deaf  to  all  human  things  ;  and  fixedness  of  mind  on  the  great 
end  of  my  ministry.  At  home,  sat  and  meditated  and  pray- 
ed, for  I  was. too  fatigued  to  kneel ;  truly  I  have  tasted  of 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  201 

the  world,  and  never  found  it  satisfy  me,  tliongli  I  am  still 
foolish  enough  to  try  it.  My  dear  Redeemer  is  a  fountain  of 
life  to  my  soul.  Oh  that  I  may  from  this  time  be  his,  and  be 
encouraged  by  his  kind  promises,  and  walk  in  his  love,  under 
the  guidance  and  influence  of  the  blessed  Spirit ! 

June  3.  Went  to  the  Eclectic,  where  there  were  nine  min- 
isters besides  myself.     The  subject  was,   symptoms  of  the 

state  of  the  nation.     Mr.  Cecil  spoke  admirably,  Mr.  F , 

Mr.  P ,  and  Mr.  Simons  also  very  well.     Towards  the 

end,  the  subject  of  marriage,  somehow  or  other,  came  to  be 
mentioned.  Mr.  Cecil  spoke  very  freely  and  strongly  on  the 
subject.  He  said  I  should  be  acting  hke  a  madman  if  I  Avent 
out  unmarried.  A  wife  would  supply  by  her  comfort  and 
counsel  the  entire  w^ant  of  society,  and  also  be  a  preservation 
both  to  character  and  passions  amidst  such  scenes.  I  am  ut- 
terly at  a  loss  to  know  what  is  best  for  the  interests  of  the 
Gospel.  But  happily  my  own  peace  is  not  much  concerned 
in  it.  If  this  opinion  of  so  many  pious  clergymen  had  come 
across  me  when  I  was  in  Cornwall,  and  so  strongly  attached 
to  my  beloved  Lydia,  it  would  have  been  a  conflict  indeed  in 
my  heart  to  oppose  so  many  arguments.  I  hope  I  am  not 
seeking  an  excuse  for  marriage,  nor  persuading  myself  I  am 
indiff"erent  about  it,  in  order  that  vflmt  is  really  my  inclination 
may  appear  to  be  the  will  of  God.  But  I  feel  my  aflfections 
kindling  to  their  wonted  fondness,  while  I  dwell  on  the  cir- 
cumstances of  an  union  with  Lydia.  May  the  Lord  teach  his 
weak  creature  to  live  peacefully  and  soberly  in  his  love, 
drawing  all  my  joys  from  him,  the  fountain  of  living 
waters  ! 

June  4.  The  subjectof  marriage  made  rae  thoughtful  and 
serious.  Mr.  Atkinson,  whose  opinion  I  revere,  was  against 
my  marrying.  Found  near  access  to  my  God  in  prayer. 
Oh  what  a  comfort  it  is  to  have  God  to  go  to  !  I  breathed 
freely  to  him  my  sorrows  and  cares,  and  set  about  my  work 
9* 


202  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

with  diligence.  The  Lord  assisted  me  very  mucli,  and  I 
wrote  more  freely  than  ever  I  did. 

June  5.  Corrie  breakfasted  with  me,  and  went  to  prayer  ; 
I  rejoiced  to  find  he  was  not  unwilling  to  go  to  India.  He 
will  probably  be  my  fellow-laborer.  Most  of  this  morning 
was  employed  in  writing  all  my  sentiments  on  the  subject  of 
marriage  to  Mr.  Simeon.  May  the  Lord  suggest  something 
to  him,  which  may  be  of  use  to  guide  me,  and  keep  my  eye 
single  !  In  my  walk  out  and  afterwards,  the  subject  was 
constantly  on  my  mind.  But  alas !  I  did  not  guard  against 
that  distraction  from  heavenly  things,  which  I  was  aware  it 
would  occasion.  On  reflection  at  home,  I  found  I  had  been 
talking  in  a  very  inconsistent  manner.  But  was  again 
restored  to  peace  by  an  application  to  Christ's  blood  through 
the  Spirit. 

June  6.  God's  interference  in  supporting  me  continually, 
appears  to  me  like  a  miracle.  With  this  subject  of  so  great 
importance  on  my  mind,  involving  such  doubt  and  uncer- 
tainty, he    keeps  me  surprisingly  composed,  and  assists  me 

wonderfully  in  my  work.     In  my  walk  met  Mr.  H ,  and 

was  much  relieved  by  his  kind  manner.  How  many  tempta- 
tions are  there  in  the  streets  of  London  !  Returned  home 
with  a  distaste  for  everything,  but  by  prayer  over  the  3rd 
and  4th  of  Ephesians,  my  soul  was  restored  both  to  elasti- 
city and  comfortable  seriousness.     Dined  at ,  with  Mr. 

v.,  a  Dutch  gentleman,  whose  Christian  simplicity  and  good 
sense  delights  me  beyond  measure.  He  described  his  con- 
version as  having  taken  place  at  Bourdeaux,  on  his  return 
home  from  Spain.  He  knew  Dr.  Vanderkemp.  As  we  con- 
versed about  spiritual  things,  our  hearts  burned  within  us. 
I  was  delighted  to  hear  the  same  truths  lisped  in  foreign 
accents.  My  mind  seems  very  active  this  week  ;  manifestly 
indeed  strengthened  by  God  to  be  enabled  to  write  on  reli- 
gious subjects  with  such  unusual  ease,  while  it  is  also  full  of 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  203 

this  important  business  of  the  marriage.  My  indination  con- 
tinues, I  think,  far  more  unbiassed  than  when  I  wrote  to  Mr. 
Simeon. 

June  7.  Oh,  the  subtilty  of  the  Devil,  and  the  deceitful- 
ness  of  this  corrupted  heart.  How  has  an  idol  been  imper- 
ceptibly raised  up  in  it !  Something  fell  from  Dr.  F.  this 
evening  against  my  marriage,  which  struck  me  so  forcibly, 
though  there  was  nothing  particular  in  it,  that  I  began  to 
see  I  should  finally  give  up  all  thoughts  about  it.  But  how 
great  the  conflict !  I  could  not  have  believed  it  had  such 
hold  on  my  affections.  Before  this  I  had  been  writing  in 
tolerable  tranquillity,  and  walked  out  in  the  enjoyment  of  a 
resigned  mind,  even  rejoicing  for  the  most  part  in  God,  and 
dined  at  Mr.  Cecil's,  where  the  arguments  I  heard  were  all  in 

favor  of  the  flesh,  and  so  I  was  pleased ;  but  Dr.  F 's 

words  gave  a  new  turn  to  my  thoughts,  and  the  tumult 
showed  me  the  true  state  of  my  heart.  How  miserable  did 
life  appear,  without  the  hope  of  Lydia !  Oh,  how  has  the 
discussion  of  the  subject  opened  all  my  wounds  afresh  ! 

June  8.  My  mind  continued  in  much  the  same  state  this 
morning,  waiting  with  no  small  anxiety  for  a  letter  from  Mr. 
Simeon,  hoping  of  course  that  the  will  of  God  would  coincide 
with  my  will,  yet  thinking  the  determination  of  the  question 
would  be  indifferent  to 'me.  When  the  letter  arrived,  I  was 
immediately  convinced,  beyond  all  doubt,  of  the  expediency 
of  celibacy.  But  my  wish  did  not  follow  my  judgment 
quite  so  readily.  Mr.  Pratt  coming  in,  argued  strongly  on 
the  other  side,  but  there  was  nothing  of  any  weight.  The 
subject  so  occupied  my  thoughts,  that  I  could  attend  to 
nothing  else.  I  saw  myself  called  to  be  less  that  ever  a  man 
of  this  world,  and  walked  out  with  a  heavy  heart.  Met  Dr, 
F.,  who  of  all  men  could  best  sympathize  with  me  ;  and 
his  few  words  were  encouraging.  Yet  I  cannot  cordially 
acquiesce  in  all  the  Lord's  dealings,  though  my  reason  and 


204  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

judgment  approve  them,  and  my  inclination  would  desire  to 
do  it.  Dined  at  Mr.  Cecil's,  where  it  providentially  happened 
that  Mr.  Foster  came  in.  To  them  I  read  Mr.  Simeon's 
letter,  and  they  were  both  convinced  by  it.  So  I  went  away 
home  with  nothing  to  do,  but  to  get  my  heart  easy  again 
under  this  sacrifice.  1  devoted  myself  once  more  to  the 
entire  and  everlasting  service  of  God,  and  found  myself  moi-e 
weaned  from  this  world,  and  desiring  the  next ;  though  not 
from  a  right  principle.  Vv'ith  all  my  honors  and  knowledge, 
the  smiles  and  approbation  of  men,  the  health  and  prosperity 
that  have  fallen  to  my  lot,  together  with  that  freedom  from 
doubts  and  fears,  with  which  I  was  formerly  visited  ;  how 
much  have  I  gone  through  in  the  last  two  or  three  years,  to 
bring  my  mind  to  be  willing  to  do  the  will  of  God  when  it 
should  be  revealed  !  My  heart  is  pained  within  me,  and  my 
bodily  frame  suffers  from  it. 

June  9.  (Sunday.)  My  heart  is  still  as  a  bullock  unac- 
customed to  the  yoke.  The  Lord  help  me  to  maintain  the 
conflict !  Preached  this  morning  at  Long  Acre  Chapel, 
on  Matt,  xxviii.  the  three  last  verses.  There  was  the  utmost 
attention.  In  the  interval  between  morning  and  afternoon, 
passed  most  of  the  time  in  reading  and  prayer.  Read 
Matthew  iii.  and  considered  the  character  of  John  the 
Baptist.  Holy  emulation  seemed  to'spring  up  in  my  mind. 
Then  read  John  xvii.  and  last  chapter,  and  Rev.  i.  all  of 
which  were  blessed  to  my  soul.  I  went  into  the  church 
persuaded  in  my  feelings, — wiiich  is  different  from  being 
persuaded  in  the  understanding, — that  it  was  nobler  and 
wiser  to  be  as  John  the  Baptist,  Peter,  John,  and  all  the 
apostles,  than  to  have  my  own  will  gratified.  Preached  on 
Eph.  ii.  18.  Walked  a  little  with  Mr.  Grant  this  evening. 
He  told  me  I  should  have  great  trials  and  temptations  in 
India,  but  I  knew  where  to  apply  for  grace  to  help.  I  in- 
ferred from  what  he  said,  tliat and  Avei-e  but  in  a 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  205 

low  state ;  that  I  must  beware  of  sinking  to  their  standard, 
and  at  the  same  time  of  running  to  an  intemperate  zeal.  He 
advised  me  to  acquire  the  language,  customs,  and  mythology, 
by  inviting  the  Brahmins  to  come  and  see  me.  They  ac- 
count it  an  honor  to  be  received  and  treated  well  by  an 
European. 

June  10.  In  the   evening  went  to  ;  my  mind  was 

melancholy,  but  not  unhappy.  The  ease  and  elegance  in 
which  they  live  here  gave  rise  to  a  variety  of  reflections ;  for 
while  they  were  engaged  in  music,  I  was  left  at  liberty  to  be 
looking  out  at  the  window.  I  felt  the  utmost  indifference 
about  the  whole  of  the  trifles  of  this  life.  It  is  perhaps  be- 
cause I  am  cut  oflf  from  the  hope  of  Lydia ;  but  I  did  per- 
ceive that  a  life  of  labor  for  immortal  souls  was  better  riches 
than  all  this  that  surrounded  me.  Mj^  soul  was  deeply  im- 
pressed with  the  value  of  souls,  and  with  the  necessity  of 
speaking  seriously  to  the  conscience.  Eternity  seemed  near; 
no  prospect  of  happiness  on  earth  appeared  in  view. 

June  12.  Discontented  this  morning  with  everything;  but 
by  prayer  my  spirit  vras  a  little  quieted  and  solemnized. 
Poor  and  unprofitable  as  I  am,  I  tiust  that  I  have  been 
brought  to  Christ,  and  have  been  so  far  changed  as  to  find 
my  chief  pleasure  in  loving  and  serving  him  ;  but,  alas  !  every 
trifle  is  able  to  distract  me  from  him. 

June  14.  More  watchful  and  near  the  Lord,  and  of  course 
liiore  peace  and  comfort.  Dr.  F.'s  words  (who  called  this 
morning)  made  some  impression,  "The  Lord  be  with  you; 
and  I  think  that  he  will  be  with  you  too."  Sent  oflf  my  lug- 
gage, as  preparatory  to  its  going  on  board.  Dined  at  Mr. 
Cecil's.  He  endeavored  to  correct  my  reading,  but  in  vain. 
"  Brother  M.,"  says  he,  "you  are  a  humble  man,  and  would 
gain  regard  in  private  life ;  but  to  gain  public  attention  you 
must  force  yourself  into  a  more  marked  and  expressive  man- 
ner."    Read  and  wrote  the  remainder  of  the  evenino;.     This 


206  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

I  observed,  that  when  at  one  time  I  beo-an  to  write  without 
a  prayer  to  the  blessed  Spirit,  I  found  myself  not  stirring ; 
but  after  it,  was  enabled  to  go  on  again.  Oh  may  He  teach 
me  continually  my  dependence  upon  Him !  Generally,  to- 
night, have  I  been  above  the  w^orld ;  Lydia  and  other  com- 
forts I  would  resign. 

June  17.  Attended  the  Eclectic;  Mr.  Woodd,  Mr.  Venn, 
and  Mr.  Cecil,  spoke  very  sensibly  on  the  subject, — "  The 
measure  and  means  of  happiness."  This  question  once  oc- 
casioned me  dreadful  disquiet,  and  I  w^as  at  this  time  led  into 
many  metaphysical  inquiries,  without  coming  at  anything. 
My  ignorance  on  this  subject  gives  me  trouble  in  this  way : 
if  I  do  not  know  what  happiness  is — how  it  is  to  be  defined 
— what  a  visionary,  baseless  fabric  is  religion,  which  proposes 
to  lead  to  it !  On  my  return  from  them,  I  continued  a  long- 
time in  prayer  to  God,  without  peace.  I  thought  that  if 
religion  were  false,  I  would  willingly  be  deceived  ;  but  I  found 
to  my  pain  that  the  mind  cannot  be  free  in  this  particular,  it 
cannot  choose  to  be  deceived.  However,  the  Lord  restored 
my  soul  after  a  time  to  feel  the  simplicity  of  the  gospel.  I 
endeavored  to  see  myself  a  sinner ;  my  plain  business,  there- 
fore, was  not  to  speculate,  but  to  obtain  salvation  in  the 
shortest  manner  I  could.  Besides,  as  I  am  convinced  that 
nothing  but  the  gospel,  whether  true  or  false,  was  of  any  use 
to  man,  it  was  my  business  not  to  stay  philosophizing  and 
puzzling  myself  while  souls  were  perishing ;  and  what  struck 
me  as  much  as  anything  was,  that  metaphysicians,  who  might 
really  discover  truth,  were  in  general  poor  creatures,  full  of 
pride  and  sin.  Let  me  feel  it  to  be  my  true  wisdom  to  be- 
come a  child  and  a  fool.  My  mind  was  made  easy.  I  read 
Col.  i.  attentively,  and  prayed  over  it  with  great  increase  to 
my  comfort. 

June  18.  Walked  to  Hampstead,  found  myself  uncomfort- 
able through  carnality  of  thought.     By  endeavoring  to  bend 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  20T 

ray  soul  to  holy  meditation,  and  to  consider  the  Christian  life 
as  a  struggle  and  a  warfare,  I  became  a  little  easy.  Oh  how 
unhappy  is  life  without  God!  The  fine  prospect  at  Hamp- 
stead  rather  set  my  ideas  afloat  again,  and  I  exulted  in  the 
thought  that  one  day  the  knowledge  of  the  Lord  shall  cover 
the  earth.  At  night  enjoyed  the  presence  of  God  in  secret 
duties.  The  scenes  of  time  seemed  to  have  passed  away. 
Went  to  bed  in  the  hope  that  I  should  soon  know  what  con- 
stant communion  meant. 

June  23.  (Sunday.)  It  pleased  God  to  give  me  some  sense 
of  my  neglect  of  his  work,  and  to  renew  the  spirit  I  had  last 
night  in  praj^er,  when  my  soul  seemed  to  yearn  after  a  hfe 
of  extraordinary  zeal,  steadiness,  and  spirituality  in  Clirist's 
service.     Walked  home  from  Hampstead  in  the  evening  with 

the 's.     The  conversation  part  of  the  way  was  on  divine 

subjects,  but  I  endeavoied  to  seek  the  presence  of  God  as  if 
alone.  In  a  sorrowful  and  humbled  frame  I  found  it  refresh- 
ing to  devote  myself  to  Christ's  service.  The  world  and 
worldly  things,  even  Lydia,  appeared  all  indifferent.  I 
wished  for  nothing  here.  My  proper  w^ork  as  a  minister  and 
missionary  seemed  all  my  business,  and  all  that  Avas  worth 
living  for.  The  words  of  the  hymn — "Jesus,  at  thy  com- 
mand," &c.,  were  much  on  my  mind. 

London,  June  24,  1805. 
My  dear  Cousin  : — 

The  account  of  your  ill  health,  as  described  in  your  former 

letter,  affected  me  even  to  tears.     I  cannot  indeed  expect  to 

see  you  any  more  upon  earth ;  yet  for  my  dear  brother's 

sake,  and  those  to  whom  you  are  immediately  useful,  I  wish 

to  regard  the  hour  of  your  departure  as  far  distant ;  but  in 

this  and  eveiy  other  particular  that  concerns  us,  God  will  act 

according  to  his  infinite  wisdom  and  love.     As  you  are  safe 

in  the  Lord  Jesus,  nothing  need  disquiet  you,  or  us,  on  your 


208  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

account — whether  hfe  or  death,  all  is  yours.  *  *  *  * 
May  God  enable  jow,  according  to  your  desire,  to  continue 
walking  as  on  the  verge  of  eternity  ;  looking  for  and  hasten- 
ing to  the  coming  of  the  day  of  God  !  *  *  *  *  There 
are  not  many  things  in  the  world  which  I  would  withhold 
from  you  ;  but  with  respect  to  the  sermons  for  which  you  ask, 
my  mind  must  be  changed  before  I  send  them.  *  *  *  * 
Sermons  cannot  be  good  memorials,  because  one  read  they 
are  done  with — especially  a  young  man's  sermons,  unless  they 
possess  a  peculiar  simplicity  and  spirituality,  which,  I  need 
not  say,  are  quahties  not  belonging  to  mine.  I  hope,  how- 
ever, that  I  am  improving  ;  and  I  trust,  that  now  I  am  re- 
moved from  the  contagion  of  academic  air,  and  am  in  the 
way  of  acquiring  a  greater  knowledge  of  men,  and  of  my 
own  heart,  I  shall  exchange  my  jejune  scholastic  style  for  a 
simple  spiritual  exhibition  of  profitable  truth.  Mr.  Cecil  has 
been  taking  a  great  deal  of  pains  with  me.  My  insipid,  in- 
animate manner  in  the  pulpit,  he  says,  is  intolerable.  "  Sir," 
said  he,  "  it  is  cupola-painting,  not  miniature,  that  must  be 
the  aim  of  a  man  that  harangues  a  multitude."  Whitsun- 
week  was  a  time  of  the  utmost  distress  to  me  ;  but  now, 
through  the  mercy  of  God,  I  am  once  more  at  peace.  What 
cannot  his  power  effect  ?  The  present  wish  of  my  heart  is. 
that  I  may  henceforth  have  no  one  thing  upon  earth  for  which 
I  would  wish  to  stay  another  hour,  except  it  be  to  serve  the 
Lord  my  Saviour  in  the  work  of  the  ministry.  Pray,  my 
dear  sister,  that  the  Lord  may  keep  in  the  imaginations  of  the 
thoughts  of  my  heart  all  that  may  be  for  the  glory  of  his 
great  name, 

June  25.  An  hour  lost  this  mornino-  deranged  the  comfort 
of  the  day.  In  consequence  of  carelessness,  I  was  so  late 
as  to  have  but  little  time  in  prayer,  before  going  to  Islington  ; 
far  too  little  to  have  holy  impressions  on  my  soul. 


1805.]  OF   THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTIN.  209 

June  27.  Received  some  refreshment  of  spirit  from  prayer, 
and  went  on  with  a  devout  and  steady  desire  to  glorify  God 

to  the  utmost.     Met ,  my  fellow  passenger.     As  I  once 

was,  he  appeared  restless  and  unhappy  for  want  of  knowing 
God. 

June  28.  In  a  storm  of  thunder  and  lightning,  I  felt  safe 
in  the  mercy  of  God,  and  rejoiced  at  this  display  of  his  great- 
ness. Oh  what  a  great  God  do  sinners  harden  themselves 
against !  Sat  for  my  miniature  to  a  female  painter  ;  during 
the  whole  time  she  disputed  against  religion.  I  answeied 
all  her  arguments,  and  explained  the  gospel  as  well  as  I 
could. 

June  29.  Diligently  employed  all  day,  and  was  greatly 
assisted  to  get  my  work  finished  at  night.  The  constant 
employment  in  divine  things  to-day  has  tired  my  body,  but 
refreshed  my  soul,  O  what  a  pity  it  is,  that  one  vile  earthly 
thought  should  come,  where  spiritual  and  heavenly  ones 
ought  to  be  !  I  should  like  to  be  ever  engaged  in  thinking 
of  God  and  eternity.  But  soon  shall  I  be  in  that  world  of 
spirits,  I  hope  and  trust  with  my  soul  swallowed  up  in  the 
love  and  service  of  God.     Amen. 

July  2.  Corrie  breakfasted  with  me.  We  conversed  about 
the  great  work  among  the  heathen.  Read  and  prayed.  I 
did  little  more  than  write  to  K.  and  sit  for  my  miniature  to 
the  painter  lady,  who  still  repeated  her  infidel  cavils.  Having 
nothing  more  to  say  in  the  way  of  argument,  I  thought  it 
right  to  declare  the  threatenings  of  God,  to  those  who  reject 
his  Gospel. 

July  3.  Went  down  to  M in  the  coach.     I  could  not 

bring  myself  to  open  my  mouth  at  all,  the  exertion  seemed 
so  painful.  I  thought  of  Christ  and  the  Samaritan  woman, 
but  sense  of  duty  did  not  prevail.  If  these  people  are  con- 
demned at  the  day  of  judgment,  and  I  were  bid  to  see  the 
consequences  of  neglecting  to  speak  for   their  souls,  how 


210  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

should  I  be  overwhelmed  with  shame  and  confusion,  God 
forgive  me  this  sin  !  I  was  kept  idle,  and  without  commu- 
nion with  God ;  when  I  retired  into  a  room  to  pray,  I  was 
interrupted  ;  and  when  I  went  into  the  garden,  I  met  with 
some  of  the  walkers.  However,  the  Lord  heard  one  or  two 
ejaculations,  and  assisted  my  soul  to  rise  to  the  enjoyment  of 
another  world ;  yet  not  to  that  steady  sobriety,  which  long 
communion  with  God  produces.  In  a  solitary  walk  I  had  an 
opportunity  of  calling  upon  God.  I  see  very  plainly,  that  firm- 
ness and  dignity  becomes  a  minister  of  the  Gospel,  and  that  a 
deep  impression  of  divine  things  always  tends  to  produce  it 
in  me.  "  Let  your  speech  be  always  with  grace,  seasoned 
with  salt."  "  Let  no  man  despise  thee."  At  night,  when 
the  day  is  over,  I  generally  feel  roused  to  be  fervent  and 
animated  in  the  service  of  Christ,  and  to  be  always  a  burning 
light. 

July  4.  What  a  world  would  this  be,  if  there  were  no 
God !  Were  not  God  the  sovereign  of  the  universe,  how 
miserable  should  I  be !  but  the  Lord  reigneth,  let  the  earth 
be  glad.  And  Christ's  cause  shall  prevail.  0  my  soul,  be 
happy  in  the  prospect.  As  I  sat  this  evening  reflecting  on 
my  perfect  health,  and  the  enjoyment  of  every  blessing,  my 
base  ingratitude  for  not  loving  and  praising  God,  struck  me 
very  much.  Thousands  starving,  thousands  sick  and  for- 
saken, thousands  groaning  under  the  devil's  bondage,  and  I 
here  unthankful ! 

July  7.  (Sunday.)  Too  much  employed  about  sermon,  so 
as  to  have  little  time  for  reading  and  prayer  before  church. 
This  produced  some  humiliation.  Preached  a  farewell  ser- 
mon at  St.  John's,  on  Acts  xx.  32,  to  a  large  and  attentive 
congregation.  Drank  tea  at  Mr.  Cecil's.  Read  in  the  eve- 
ning, and  received  the  benediction  of  many  people.  My  mind 
has  been  distracted  to-day.  How  httle  do  people  know  what 
inward  loneliness  there  is,  with  all  this  noise  and  bustle  about 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  211 

my  going  abroad  !  0  that  I  could  escape  from  the  crowd, 
and  walk  sweetly  alone  with  God  ! 

July  8  to  10.  I  begin  another  book  of  my  Journal;  but 
how  doubtful  is  it,  if  I  shall  ever  Uve  to  finish  it !  I  am  now 
in  my  cabin,  bound  for  India,  soon  to  meet  new  dangers  and 
trials  ;  but  happy  is  it  for  me,  that  through  the  mercy  of 
God  I  feel  safe  in  his  protection.  The  8th  I  took  leave  of 
some  friends,  and  sat  for  my  picture  to  Russel  for  Bates  ;  the 
next  day  went  to  Midhurst,  to  visit  Sargent;  felt  much  sor- 
row at  the  thouirht  of  leavingf  such  friends ;  rode  back  to 
Petersfield  at  night ;  though  I  was  in  good  health  a  moment 
before,  vet  as  I  was  undressino-  I  fainted,  and  fell  into  a  con- 
vulsive  fit ;  I  lost  my  senses  for  some  time,  and  on  recover- 
ing a  little,  found  myself  in  intense  pain.  Death  appeared 
near  at  hand,  and  seemed  somewhat  different  and  more  terri- 
ble than  I.  could  have  conceived  before,  not  in  its  conclusion, 
but  in  itself.  I  felt  assured  of  my  safety  in  Christ.  10th, 
I  went  to  Portsmouth,  where  we  arrived  to  breakfast,  and 
found  friends  from  Cambridge.  Went  with  my  things  on 
board  the  Union.  Mr.  Simeon  read  and  prayed  in  the  after- 
noon, thinking  I  was  to  go  on  board  for  the  last  time.  On 
our  way  to  the  ship,  we  sang  hymns.  The  time  was  exceed- 
ingly solemn,  and  our  hearts  seemed  filled  with  solemn  joy. 
I  slept  on  board  for  the  first  time,  but  got  little  sleep,  from 
a  headache,  and  the  various  noises  on  board. 

July  16.  Mr.  Simeon  took  his  last  leave  of  me  in  the  most 
affecting  manner,  and  the  rest  accompanied  me  on  board. 
My  thoughts,  as  we  rowed,  were  solemn  ;  the  levity  of  the 
people  in  the  boat,  and  the  swearing,  (for  others  besides  our- 
selves were  in  it, )  depressed  me ;  but  the  thought  that  the 
Lord  Jesus  was  a  friend,  with  whom  I  could  enjoy  commu- 
nion in  every  company,  was  like  a  reviving  cordial.  My  dear 
friends,  after  staying  on  board  a  few  hours,  took  their  leave, 
not  as  if  for  the  last  time,  except  ,  whose  conversation 


212  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

at  the  last  was  not  sucli  as  I  wished  it  to  be.  The  Lord  help 
him  to  have  right  views  of  that  truth  he  is  seeking  ! 

July  17.  Early  in  the  morning  I  was  awakened  by  the 
signal  gun,  and  found,  when  I  got  up,  that  we  were  now  at 
the  back  of  the  Isle  of  Wight ;  so  I  bid  adieu  to  my  dear 
friends  for  the  last  time.  Most  of  the  rest  of  the  day  I  was 
so  sick,  that  I  could  neither  read  nor  take  any  exercise  ;  but 
I  found  comfort  in  fleeing  to  my  only  frierd,  now  all  others 
had  left  me ;  the  Lord  was  very  merciful  to  me  in  keeping 
my  soul,  when  I  was  so  little  able  to  use  the  means. 

July  18.  As  we  came  off  Plymouth  to-day,  I  wished  to 
pray  for  my  dear  cousin  there,  but  could  not  venture  to  go 
to  my  cabin.  However,  after  dinner  read  several  chapters, 
and  had  a  blessed  season  of  prayer,  in  which  I  had  some- 
thing more  of  the  presence  of  God  than  for  a  good  while 
past.  But  I  found  it  hard  to  realize  divine  things.  I  was 
more  tried  with  desires  after  the  world,  than  for  two  years 
past.  The  coast  of  Devonshire  and  Cornwall  was  passing 
before  me.  The  memory  of  the  beloved  friends  there  was 
very  strong  and  affecting ;  the  sea-sickness,  and  the  smell  of 
the  ship,  made  me  feel  very  miserable,  and  the  prospect  of 
leaving  all  the  comforts  and  communion  of  saints  in  England, 
to  go  forth  to  an  unknown  land,  to  endure  such  illness  and 
misery  with  ungodly  men  for  so  many  months,  weighed  heavy 
on  my  spirits.  My  heart  was  almost  ready  to  break.  I 
thought  I  was  the  most  forlorn  and  forsaken  creature  upon 
earth,  excluded  from  all  hopes  of  happiness  on  this  side  the 
grave  ;  so  atheistical  and  bhnd  was  I.  In  praj^er  for  some 
time  I  could  not  realize  the  same  sort  of  thoughts  I  had  when 
ashore ;  things  appeared  different.  No  sweet  thoughts  of 
the  near  approach  of  eternity  and  the  presence  of  God  ;  no 
animating  prospect  of  a  work  of  grace  among  the  heathen  ; 
but  human  life  seemed  only  a  succession  of  miseries.  By 
continual  prayer  with   the  word  of  God,  my  spirit  became 


1895.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  213 

more  serious  and  fervent.  The  example  of  Jesus  and  the 
saints,  the  vanity  of  the  enjoyments  which  the  children  of 
God  have  even  in  England,  and  the  melancholy  state  of  the 
heathen,  were  the  most  powerful  motives  that  suggested 
themselves. 

July  19.  In  prayer  after  breakfast,  my  soul  gained  some- 
thing in  spirituality.  Little  done  this  morning,  partly  on  ac- 
count of  the  interest  with  which  I  watched  the  shore,  as  it 
appeared  more  and  more.  As  we  were  at  dinner,  the  ship 
came  round  St.  Anthony's,  and  soon  after  we  came  to  anchor 
off  Falmouth.  I  was  rather  agitated  at  the  singularity  of' 
this  providence  of  God,  in  thus  leading  me  once  more  to  the 
bosom  of  all  my  friends :  may  the  Lord  glorify  himself  in 
this  and  every  other  dispensation  !  found  myself  after  tea  in 
a  happy  frame  of  mind.  I  walked  on  deck,  endeavoring  to 
think  on  these  words,  *'To  me  to  live  is  Christ,"  and  found 
my  mind  easily  fixing  on  heavenly  things,  notwithstanding 
all  the  noise  and  confusion.  The  evening  is  a  time  of  great 
idleness  and  noise  on  board,  all  are  talking  and  laughing. 
The  soldiers  doing  nothing  but  jeering  one  another,  and 
swearing.  The  passengers  lounging  about,  or  sitting  on 
chairs  under  the  poop,  the  drums  and  fifes  constantly  play- 
ing. M'K.  joined  me,  so  that  I  had  not  long  to  meditate, 
but  endeavored  to  assist  him  to  the  best  of  my  power  in  his 
Christian  course.  My  ears  are  constantly  assailed  and 
shocked  by  the  most  horrid  oaths,  and  I  see  no  method  of 
putting  a  stop  to  it,  except  by  perseverance  and  preaching 
the  gospel  to  them.  Outward  restrictions  would  do  little,  if 
they  could  be  applied ;  but  as  the  captain  and  officers  on 
board  sanction  it  by  their  own  example,  no  attempt  can  be 
made  in  that  way ;  the  Lord  give  me  compassion  for  their 
souls ! 

July  20.  Was  sensible  of  an  instance  of  pride  to-day,  in 
being   ashamed  of  being  seen   by  the  ship's  passengers,  in 


214  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

company  with  one  of  the  children  of  God,  who  appeared  a 
mean  person ;  but  there  is  nothing  too  contemptible  for  me 
to  conceive  in  my  heart.     May  I  be  humbled  on  account  of 

this  sin ! 

Falmouth,  July  20,  1805. 
My  Dear  Cousix, 

We  sailed  from  St.  Helen's  at  day-break  last  Wednesday 
morning,  and  to  my  no  small  surprise,  I  found  we  were 
bound  to  Falmouth.  You  will  easily  conceive  my  feelings  at 
being  thus  brought  once  again  to  my  friends  ;  what  the  de- 
sign of  God  is  in  this  providence,  I  am  at  a  loss  to  under- 
stand. May  it  be  for  the  mutual  establishment  and  comfort 
both  of  them  and  me  !         *  ^  ^'  On  passing 

Plymouth,  we  were  too  far  from  the  shore  to  distinguish  the 
houses.  I  tried  my  spy-glass  in  vain ;  it  would  not  bring 
you  nearer ;  but  my  heart  was  with  you,  and  I  retired  to  my 
cabin  to  pray  for  you  both.  *  ^  '^  How 

happy  should  I  be,  if  my  cousin  should  be  able  to  come  part 
of  the  way  to  Falmouth  to  see  me !  But  I  pray  that  my 
heart  may  not  again  rove  in  pursuit  of  earthly  comfort,  and 
so  subject  me  to  new  affliction. 

I  remain,  (fee. 

July  21.  (Sunday.)  I  went  ashore  as  soon  as  I  could  ;  in 
the  afternoon  I  preached  at  Falmouth  church,  on  the  jailor  ; 
the  Lord  assisted  me  beyond  all  my  fears.  Immediately 
after,  I  went  on  board,  and  preached  on  "  The  faithful  say- 
ing," with  more  love  in  my  heart,  than  I  ever  yet  enjoyed  in 
preaching.  The  general  attention  was  very  striking.  God 
has  been  exceedingly  gracious  and  merciful  to  me  this  day. 
Oh,  may  I  be  more  thankful,  and  devote  myself  more  unre- 
servedly to  his  blessed  service  ! 

July  22.  Another  idle  day;  oh,  how  great  is  Ihe  sum  of 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  215 

my  misspent  hours,  when  every  moment  ought  to  be  charged 
with  important  work  !  After  much  deliberation,  I  determined 
to  o-o  to  Marazion  on  the  morrow.     Yv^ent  to  bed  with  much 

o 

thought  about  the  step  I  was  going  to  take,  and  prayed  that 
if  it  was  not  the  will  of  God  it  might  be  prevented.  I  ar- 
rived in  time  for  breakfast,  and  met  my  beloved  Lydia.  In 
the  course  of  the  morning  I  walked  w^ith  her,  though  not 
uninterruptedly  ;  with  much  confusion  I  declared  my  affec- 
tion for  her,  with  the  intention  of  learning  whether,  if  ever  I 
saw  it  right  in  India  to  be  married,  she  w^ould  come  out ;  but 
she  would  not  declare  her  sentimients ;  she  said  that  the 
shortness  of  arrangement  w^as  an  obstacle,  even  if  all  others 
were  removed. 

To  Miss  Lydia  Grenfell,  Mak^vzion. 

July  27,  1805.     Union,  Fal^iouth  Harbor. 
*  *  *  As  I  w^as  coming  on  board  this  morn- 

ing, and  reading  Mr.  Serle's  Hymn  you  wrote  out  for  me,  a 
sudden  gust  of  wind  blew  it  into  the  sea.  I  made  the  boat- 
men immediately  heave  to,  and  recovered  it,  happily  without 
any  injury  except  what  it  had  received  from  the  sea.  1 
should  have  told  you  that  the  Morning  Hymn,  which  I  al- 
ways kept  carefully  in  my  pocket-book,  was  one  day  stolen 
with  it,  and  other  valuable  letters,  from  my  rooms  in  college. 
It  would  be  extremely  gratifying  to  me  to  possess  another 
copy  of  it,  as  it  always  reminded  me  most  forcibly  of  the 
happy  day  on  which  we  visited  the  aged  saint.  The  fleet, 
it  is  said,  w^ill  not  sail  for  three  weeks,  but  if  you  are  willing 
to  employ  any  of  your  time  in  providing  me  with  this  or  any 
other  MS.  hymns,  the  sooner  you  write  them,  the  more  cer- 
tain I  shall  be  of  receiving  them.  Pardon  me  for  thus  in- 
truding on  your  time  ;  you  will  in  no  wise  lose  your  reward. 
The  encouragement  conveyed  in  little  compositions  of  this 
sort  is  more  refreshing  than  a  cup  of  cold  water.     The  Lord 


216  JOURNAL  AND  LETTERS  [1805. 

of  the  harvest  who  is  sending  forth  me,  who  am  most  truly 
less  than  the  least  of  all  saints,  will  reward  .you  for  being 
willing  to  help  forward  even  the  meanest  of  his  servants. 
The  love  which  you  bear  to  the  cause  of  Christ,  as  well  as 
motives  of  private  friendship,  will,  I  trust,  induce  you  to 
commend  me  to  God,  and  to  the  word  of  his  grace,  at  those 
sacred  moments  w^hen  you  approach  the  throne  of  our  cove- 
nant God.  To  his  gracious  care  I  commend  you.  May  you 
long  live  happy  and  holy,  daily  growing  more  meet  for  the 
inheritance  of  the  saints  in  light !  I  remain  with  affectionate 
regard, 

Your's  most  truly, 

H.  Martyn. 

July  29.  Walked  to  Lamorran  ;  alternately  repining  at  my 
dispensation,  and  giving  it  to  the  Lord.  Sometimes,  after 
thinking  of  Lydia  for  a  long  time  together,  so  as  to  feel 
almost  outrageous  at  being  deprived  of  her,  my  soul  would 
feel  its  guilt,  and  flee  again  to  God.  I  was  much  relieved 
at  intervals  by  learning  the  hymn,  "  The  God  of  Abram 
praise," 

To  Mrs.  H . 


The  consequence  of  my  ^larazion  journey  is  that  I  am 
enveloped  in  gloom  ;  but  past  experience  assures  me  it  will 
be  removed.  I  have  taken  every  step  that  I  conceive  right, 
and  now  I  leave  the  whole  matter  with  the  Lord.  May  he 
give  me  grace  to  turn  cheerfully  to  my  proper  work  and 
business,  in  respect  of  which  all  others  sink  into  comparative 
insignificance.  If  she  would  prove  a  real  blessing,  it  is  not 
for  me  to  complain  of  God,  or  of  her,  that  she  is  withheld  * 
*  *  With  the  assurance  of  his  love,  I  know  that  all  things 
work  together  for  good,  and  with  this  I  may  be  satisfied ; 
yet  nature  mourns,  restless  at  being  contradicted.     Another 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  217 

consequence  of  my  journey  is,  tliat  I  love  Lydia  more  than 
ever. 

July  31.  Went  on  board  this  morninfr  in  extreme  anguish. 
I  could  not  help  saying,  "  Lord,  it  is  not  a  sinful  attachment 
in  itself,  and  therefore  I  may  commune  more  freely  with  thee 
about  it."  I  sought  for  hymns  suitable  to  my  case,  but  none 
did  sufficiently  ;  most  complained  of  spiritual  distress,  but 
mine  was  not  from  any  doubt  of  God's  favor,  for  I  felt  no 
doubt  of  that ;  but  in  the  afternoon,  it  pleased  God  to  give 
me  a  holy  and  blessed  season  in  prayer,  in  which  ray  soul 
recovered  much  of  its  wonted  peace,  and  began  to  turn  with 
more  relish  to  spiritual  things.  Left  England  as  I  suppose 
for  the  last  time,  with  somewhat  less  horror  than  in  the 
morning,  but  still  not  without  much  grief.  Prayer,  again, 
was  a  rich  and  comfortable  ordinance ;  still  my  heart  is  sore 
and  in  pain. 

Aug.  1.  The  first  few  Psalms  were  exceedingly  comfort- 

;ib]c  to  me.     Received  a  letter  from  E ,  and  received  it 

as  from  God.  I  was  animated  before,  but  this  added  tenfold 
encouragement.  She  warned  me,  from  experience,  of  the 
carefulness  it  would  bring  upon  me  ;  but  spoke  with  such 
sympathy  and  tenderness,  that  my  heart  was  quite  refreshed. 
I  bowed  my  knees  to  bless  and  adore  God  for  it,  and  devoted 
myself  anew  to  his  beloved  service.  Went  on  board  at  night, 
the  sea  ran  high,  but  I  felt  a  sweet  tranquillity  in  Him  who 
stilleth  the  raging  of  the  sea.  I  was  delighted  to  find  that 
the  Lascars  understood  me  perfectly  when  I  spoke  to  them  a 
sentence  or  two  in  Hindoostanee.  I  asked  them  if  they 
knew  who  Jesus  Christ  was  ?  They  said,  No.  I  told  them 
he  came  into  the  world  to  save  sinners :  they  smiled  among 
one  another,  saying,  Neha,  neha, — Avell,  well. 

Aug.  3.  Rose  witli  rather  greater  tranquillity,  but  my 
feelings  before  prayer  are  a  striking  evidence  to  myself  of  my 
10 


218  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

natural  corruption.  How  miserable  and  restless  should  I  be 
without  the  powerful  Spirit  of  God  restoring  and  encouraging 
me  !  Walked  on  the  poop  this  evening,  enjoying  the  serenity 
of  the  weather;  heard  the  carpenter's  mate  complaining  he 
had  never  yet  known  what  it  was  to  be  happy.  I  pointed 
out  to  him  the  path  of  life,  in  which  he  would  soon  be  happy  ; 
I  told  him,  moreover,  that  I  should  wish  to  talk  with  him 
more  hereafter  upon  the  subject,  of  which  he  said  he  should 
•be  glad.  I  found  a  sort  of  melancholy  pleasure  in  repeating 
the  hymn,  "  The  God  of  Abram  praise,"  (fee.  Heard  that  B. 
generally  began  to  swear  after  divine  service,  at  my  keeping 
them  so  long.  I  have  scarcely  seen  one  more  determinately 
set  against  all  holiness.  Yet  even  this  man  may  be  the  first 
to  melt,  when  God  puts  forth  his  hand.  At  night,  after 
supper,  they  began  to  sing  songs,  to  my  no  small  annoyance. 
Their  mistaken  efforts  after  happiness  excited  my  compassion 
in  a  little  degree  :  but  I  want  more  zeal  and  love  to  souls. 
In  every  prayer  I  see  occasion  to  cry  to  God  to  rouse  me  to 
earnestness  and  fervor.  The  example  of  Whitfield  has  been 
made  of  great  use  to  me  in  this  respect.  I  want,  when  I 
walk  the  deck,  to  have  my  heart  melted  at  the  sight  of  so 
many  poor  sheep  going  astray. 

Aug.  4.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  2  Cor.  v.  20,  21.  with 
more  life  than  I  expected.  I  was  in  great  dejection,  but  the 
2nd  of  Micah  was  much  blest  to  me.  I  rejoiced  with  great  joy 
at  the  prospect  of  the  future  happiness  and  peace  of  the  church. 
Conversed  with  Corporal  B.  The  poor  man  was  in  very  low 
spirits  ;  but  I  tried  to  revive  him,  and  by  so  doing  I  refreshed 
myself.  The  ship  is  a  melancholy  sight  on  the  Sabbath. 
They  read  all  manner  of  things  on  deck  immediately  before 
service ;  and  directly  after  turn  to  the  same  sort  of  employ- 
ment. 

Aug.  5.  Very  dull  in  prayer  for  a  time,  but  by  taking  the 
Bible  itself  before  me,  my  soul  was  enabled  to  spread  its 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  219 

wants  more  freely.  Went  ashore.  Walked  to  Pendennis 
garrison  ;  enjoyed  some  happy  reflections  as  I  sat  on  one  of 
the  ramparts  looking  at  the  ships  and  sea.  But  could  not 
help  feeling  my  own  depravity,  that  with  so  much  to  call 
forth  continual  praise  and  prayer,  I  should  forget  God  so 
easily,  and  be  so  slowly  induced  to  seek  after  him.  The 
Lascars,  who  brought  us  ashore,  seemed  so  interesting  in 
their  countenances  and  manner,  that  I  lonsred  to  know  the 
language,  so  as  to  preach  the  gospel  to  them,  and  looked 
forward  with  great  pleasure  to  living  among  them.  Dined 
at ,  and  after  dinner,  enjoyed  nearness  to  God  in  prayer. 

Aug.  6  to  10.  The  6th  I  passed  on  shore.  As  I  stood  on 
the  shore  near  the  Swan-pool,  I  looked  forward  with  delight 
to  passing  the  great  deep  for  the  sake  of  the  poor  heathen. 
Set  off  to  w^alk  to  St.  Hilary.     Arrived  safe,  and  passed  the 

evening  agreeably  with  R .     8th.  Enjoyed  much  of  the 

presence  of  God  in  morning  prayer.  The  morning  passed 
profitably  in  writing  on  Heb.  ii.  3.  My  soul  seemed  to 
breathe  after  God.  Walked  down  with  R.  to  Gurlyn  to  call 
on  Lydia.  She  was  not  at  home  when  we  called,  so  I  walked 
out  to  meet  her.  When  I  met  her  coming  up  the  hill  I  was 
almost  induced  to  believe  her  more  interested  about  me  than 
I  had  conceived.  AVent  away  in  the  expectation  of  visiting 
her  frequently. 

Aug.  9.  Found  this  morning  that  orders  had  been  received 
last  night  for  the  detention  of  the  fleet,  in  consequence  of 
which  I  set  off  again  for  St.  Hilary.  Walked  to  Polkerris  in 
the  rain,  about  eight  miles,  with  my  mind  very  uneasy,  lest  I 
was  not  in  the  way  of  duty.  Met  with  a  blind  old  man 
standing  under  a  tree,  with  Avhora  I  had  a  very  interesting 
conversation.  I  was  quite  melted  into  tears  at  finding  such 
a  subject  of  the  Spirit  of  God  in  such  a  wilderness.  My 
mind  not  at  peace.  At  night,  in  prayer,  my  soul  was  much 
overwhelmed  with  fear,  which  caused  me  to  approach  God  in 


220  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

fervent  petition,  that  be  would  make  me  perfectly  upright, 
and  my  walk  consistent  with  the  high  character  I  am  called 
to  assume. 

Aug.  10.  Uneasiness  increased  by  seeing  the  wind  north- 
erly ;  walked  aw^ay  at  seven  to  Gurlyn ;  apprehension  about 
the  sailing  of  the  fleet  made  me  dreadfully  uneasy ;  was  with 
Lydia  a  short  time  before  breakfast ;  afterwards  I  read  the 
10th  Psalm,  with  Home's  commentary,  to  her  and  her  mother. 
She  was  then  just  putting  into  my  hand  the  10th  of  Genesis 
to  read,  when  a  servant  came  in,  and  said  a  horse  was  come 
for  me  from  St.  Hilary,  where  a  carriage  was  waiting  to  convey 
me  to  Falmouth.  All  my  painful  presentiments  were  thus 
realized,  and  it  came  upon  me  like  a  thunderbolt.  Lydia  was 
evidently  painfully  affected  by  it.  She  came  out,  that  we 
might  be  alone  at  taking  leave,  and  I  then  told  her,  that  if  it 
should  appear  to  be  God's  will  that  I  should  be  married,  she 
must  not  be  offended  at  receiving  a  letter  from  me.  In  the 
great  hurry  she  discovered  more  of  her  mind  than  she  in- 
tended ;  she  made  no  objection  whatever  to  coming  out. 
Thinking,  perhaps,  I  wished  to  make  an  engagement  with 
her,  she  said  we  had  better  go  quite  free.  With  this  I  left 
her,  not  knowing  yet  for  what  purpose  I  have  been  permitted, 
by  an  unexpected  providence,  to  enjoy  these  interviews.  I 
galloped  back  to  St.  Hilary,  arrived  about  twelve,  and  in- 
stantly went  on  board.  As  more  of  the  land  gradually  ap- 
peared behind  the  Lizard,  I  watched  with  my  spy-glass  for 
the  mound.  Oh  let  not  my  soul  be  deceived  and  distracted ! 
l)ut  now  I  am  actually  embarked  in  Christ's  cause,  let  a  pecu- 
liar unction  rest  upon  my  soul,  to  wean  me  from  the  world, 
and  to  inspire  me  with  ardent  zeal  for  the  good  of  souls. 

Aug.  11.  (Sunday.)  Rose  dejected  in  spirit.  In  conver- 
sation with  the  captain,  I  learnt  that  we  were  to  have  service 
only  once  a  day  at  sea.  I  could  not  conceal  my  chagrin,  and 
he  assigned  as  the  reason  that  the  men  who  had  to  keep 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  221 

watch  in  the  niaht  were  obhoed  to  take  rest  in  the  evening-. 
My  chief  hopes  of  a  change  in  the  ship  must,  under  God, 
depend  on  private  exhortation  and  reading  among  the  soldiers 
and  sailors.  Had  a  little  conversation  with  the  Italians,  in 
French,  and  lent  one  a  French  Testament ;  he  was  a  Roman 
Catholic,  very  ignorant,  worshipped  images  and  the  Virgin 
Mary,  he  said,  but  would  not  use  auricular  confession. 

Aug.  12.  A  day  of  the  most  severe  trial  to  me.  England 
had  disappeared,  and  with  it  all  my  peace ;  the  memory  of 
Lydia,  and  all  the  dear  Christian  friends  in  England,  cut  me 
to  the  heart  every  moment.  Every  wave  produced  vertigo 
and  sickness  in  the  body,  and,  what  was  more  painful,  bore 
me  farther  and  farther  from  Lydia.  Towards  evening  found 
it  best  to  stand  upon  deck,  looking  at  the  waves,  and  the 
other  ships  in  the  fleet.  The  beauties  of  the  setting  sun, 
thougli  it  tinged  the  sky  with  those  colors  which  have  often 
delighted  me  on  shore,  had  no  longer  any  power  to  charm 
me.  I  found  a  short  relief  at  intervals  in  thinking  of  the 
realms  of  glory,  which  I  hoped  I  should  one  day  see,  and  be 
free  from  sickness  and  sorrow,  but  faith  was  not  in  lively  ex- 
ercise. Throughout  the  whole  of  this  day,  the  want  of 
Christian  society,  or  of  any  friend  with  whom  I  could  con- 
verse, made  me  scarcely  doubt  of  sending  for  Lydia  imme- 
diately on  my  arrival  in  India.  I  almost  think  I  should  before 
that,  only  that  I  may  perhaps  never  arrive ;  and  besides,  I 
am  determined,  by  the  help  of  God,  to  give  it  a  fair  trial, 
and  learn  his  will  more  perfectly. 

Aug.  13.  Had  a  most  comfortable  season  in  prayer  for  an 
hour  after  breakfast,  and  passed  the  remainder  of  the  morn- 
ing in  thinking  on  Psalm  1.  21.  Went  about  among  the 
soldiers  in  the  afternoon,  according  to  my  plan,  but  found  no 
opportunity  of  speaking  to  them.  After  tea  I  again  sought 
some  means  of  speaking  to  the  soldiers ;  but  finding  none,  I 
betook  myself  to  prayer,  in  which  my  own  lukewarmness  was 


222  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

made  to  appear  to  me  so  shameful,  that  I  determined,  if  pos- 
sible, to  do  something  for  them,  but  again  found  none  at 
leisure,  except  the  gunner's  mate  and  the  Italian  to  whom  1 
had  given  the  Testament.  Afterwards  on  the  poop,  with 
Major  D and  McK ,  the  question,  what  would  be- 
come of  the  heathen,  was  proposed  to  me.  In  the  dispute 
I  was  assisted  to  declare  the  way  of  salvation  clearly  ;  the 
subject  was  made  very  useful  to  myself,  blessed  be  God  !  I 
saw  very  plainly  what  was  the  state  of  the  heathen  world, 
and  looked  forward  with  hope  and  joy  to  the  work  of  preach- 
ing among  the  eastern  nations  the  everlasting  gospel  of  the 
blessed  God.  All  earthly  things  seemed  to  die  away  in  in- 
significance.    At  night   McK came  into  my  cabin,  to 

combat  what  I  had  said  about  the  heathen,  and  to  inquire 
also  what  Scripture  had  really  declared.  I  was  grieved  be- 
fore at  the  unsoundness  of  his  views  in  many  respects,  but 
to-night  was  led  to  entertain  better  hopes  of  him,  from  the 
teachableness  and  submission  to  Scripture  he  marifested. 
To  all  his  questions  and  objections  the  Lord  provided  me  a 
ready  answer.  The  officers  and  others,  he  told  me,  did  no- 
thing but  make  objections  to  my  sermons :  I  was  fearful  my 
manner  had  been  offensive,  but  he  said  it  was  the  doctrine. 
Went  to  bed  almost  as  if  for  the  last  time,  so  near  did  death 
and  eternity  appear. 

Aug.  14.  Had  again  this  morning  much  enjoyment  in  pri- 
vate prayer,  but  the  time  afterwards  was  interrupted  by  the 
confusion  of  coming  into  harbor ;  and  I  was  scarcely  at  all 
alone  in  my  cabin.  Came  to  anchor  in  the  Cove  of  Cork 
about  noon.  In  the  afternoon  was  blessed  with  much  com- 
fort in  prayer.  Lost  much  of  the  peace  and  comfort  I  had 
enjoyed,  by  not  praying  in  the  course  of  the  evening,  by  be- 
ing in  such  company  as  that  of  the  mess-room,  and  by  W. 
H.  lounging  with  me  at  night  in  the  cabin. 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  223 


CHAPTER   XI. 

Cork  Harbor,  Aug.  19, 1805 
My  Dsarest  Cousin  : 

I  hasten  to  send  you  a  few  lines,  in  the  hope  of  receiving 
one  more  letter  from  yon  before  I  leave  this  part  of  the  world. 
No  one  in  the  fleet  knew  of  our  destination  to  Ireland  till 
the  Commodore  opened  his  sealed  dispatches  off  the  Lizard, 
or  I  should  have  desired  you  to  direct  me  there.  We  con- 
tinued our  course  the  Saturday  on  which  I  wrote  to  you,  and 
on  the  Sunday  morning  were  becalmed  in  Mount's  Bay.  It 
was  a  melancholy  pleasure  to  have  one  more  view  of  the 
Mount,  Marazion,  and  St,  Hilary,  ail  which  I  could  see  with 
the  glass  very  well,  though  not  distinctly  with  the  naked  eye. 
My  heart  was  very  full,  as  you  may  suppose.  I  would  have 
given  anything  to  have  been  ashore  preaching  at  Marazion 
or  St.  Hilary,  where  I  was  probably  expected.  I  took  for 
my  text  Heb.  xi.  16  :  "  But  now  they  desire  a  better  coun- 
try, that  is  a  heavenly :  wherefore  God,"  &c.  The  text  was 
not  very  suitable  to  them,  but  it  was  quite  so  to  me.  The 
beloved  objects  were  still  in  sight,  and  Lydia  I  knew  was 
about  that  time  at  St.  Hilary,  but  every  wave  bore  me  far- 
ther and  farther  from  them.  I  introduced  what  I  had  to  say 
by  observing  that  we  had  now  bid  adieu  to  England,  and  its 
shores  were  dying  away  from  the  view.  The  female  part  of 
my  audience  were  much  affected,  but  I  do  not  know  that  any 
were  induced  to  seek  the  better  country.  The  Mount  con- 
tinued in  sight  till  five  o'clock,  when  it  disappeared  behind 
the  western  boundary  of  the  bay.     Monday,  the  day  after, 


224  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

was  a  day  of  most  severe  trial  to  me.  It  began  to  blow 
fresh  in  the  morning,  in  consequence  of  Avliich  all  the  pas- 
sengers were  ill.  I  was  thus  rendered  incapable  of  removing 
by  persevering  prayer  the  dreadful  gloom  that  hung  upon 
my  mind ;  not  a  ray  of  comfort  or  life  appeared  in  any  quar- 
ter. We  had  lost  sio-ht  of  the  land  in  the  nigrht,  and  with  it 
I  seemed  to  have  lost  all  the  sources  of  happiness.  0  this 
ensnaring  world  !  What  but  the  almighty  power  of  God 
can  effectually  wean  us  from  it !  I  slumbered  away  the  after- 
noon in  darkness  and  stupidity,  scarcely  sensible  of  anything 
but  the  pains  of  memory  ;  but  reviving  a  little  at  night,  I  was 
refreshed  by  reading  some  of  the  Psalms,  and  your  hymns. 
No  thoughts  but  those  of  God's  covenant  love  and  everlast- 
ing kindness  would  at  all  suit  me.  In  such  passages  as 
these,  "Why  sayest  thou,  O  Jacob,"  &c.,  I  found  strong 
consolation.  I  believed  I  should  utterly  have  fainted,  but 
that  I  was  enabled  to  say  in  faith,  "  Rejoice  not  against  me, 
O  mine  enemy ;  when  I  fall  I  shall  arise  ;  when  I  sit  in  dark- 
ness the  Lord  shall  be  a  light  unto  me."  Throughout  the 
whole  of  the  day  the  want  of  Christian  society,  or  of  any 
friend  with  whom  I  could  converse,  made  me  scarcely  doubt 
of  the  necessity  of  applying  to  Lydia  immediately  on  ray  ar- 
rival in  India.  •  But  I  am  determined  by  the  help  of  God  to 
give  the  matter  a  fair  trial.  I  hope  I  shall  never  request  her 
to  make  such  a  sacrifice  merely  for  my  personal  relief,  except 
so  far  as  that  may  tend  to  promote  the  kingdom  of  God. 
Yesterday  and  to-day  my  sickness  is  removed,  and  my  peace 
restored.  God  fulfils  his  promises  to  me  in  a  marvellous 
manner.  "  As  thy  day  is,  so  shall  thy  strength  be."  He  is 
a  friend  very  near  to  me,  now  that  all  others  are  far  from  me, 
and  refreshes  my  soul  with  long  and  happy  seasons  of 
prayer.  He  makes  the  great  business  of  my  ministry  to  be 
now  uppermost  in  my  mind.  0  let  the  Eastern  nations  at 
'ast   emerge  from   their  darkness,  and   let   these  my   poor 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  225 

wretched  countrymen  who  sail  with  me,  and  Avhom  I  see  un- 
der the  power  of  Satan,  be  turned  away  from  their  sin  and 
enmity  to  God  !  The  more  I  see  of  the  world,  the  more 
deeply  I  am  struck  with  the  truth  and  excellency  of  the 
blessed  Gospel.  O  the  transcendent  privilege  of  being  en- 
lightened by  the  knowledge  of  it ;  I  have  now  free  access  to 
the  soldiers  and  sailors,  and  pray  that  some  may  be  awakened 
to  a  serious  concern  for  their  souls.  With  respect  to  your- 
self, my  dear  cousin,  I  cannot  but  be  deeply  anxious,  con- 
sidering the  very  long  period  that  must  elapse  before  I  can 
hear  again  of  you.  I  could  have  wished  to  have  left  you  in 
more  established  health,  but  I  must  rest  contented  with  the 
happy  assurance  of  your  being  under  the  cAre  of  a  gracious 
God  and  reconciled  Father  in  Christ,  who  will  in  his  own 
time  call  you  to  your  high  reward.  And  now  I  reluctantly 
conclude,  commending  you  both  to  God,  and  to  the  word  of 
his  grace.     Amen. 

H.  Martyn. 

Aug.  15.  Went  ashore  and  walked  to  Cork,  about  eight 
miles  up ;  on  the  road  I  joined  two  Serjeants  of  the  25th 
light  dragoons,  and  was  speaking  to  them  on  divine  things, 
when  McK.  came  up,  and  with  him  I  was  obhged  to  walk 
the  remainder  of  the  way,  with  very  unprofitable  conversa- 
tion. Continued  at  a  coffee-house  in  Cork  the  remainder  of 
the  day,  unable  to  converse  for  want  of  communion  with 
God.  Wrote  a  letter  to  Mr.  Simeon,  and  that  was  of  use  in 
fixing  my  mind  a  good  while  on  the  things  of  another  world. 
One  object  in  going  to  Cork,  was  to  see  if  any  pulpit  might 
be  procured  for  Sunday  ;  but  the  persons  of  whom  I  sought 
information  happened  to  be  all  Roman  Catholics,  Avho  could 
tell  me  nothing  more  than  that  there  were  seven  Protestant 
Churches,  and  about  the  same  number  of  Roman  Cathohc. 
At  night  I  turned  as  usual  to  the  Bible,  and  found  it  quick- 
10* 


226  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

ening  to  my  soul.     In  prayer  had  an  awful  impression  of  my 
own  unprofitableness,  and  of  the  shortness  of  time. 

Aug.  18.  (Sunday.)  No  service  in  the  morning  in  conse- 
quence of  rain  ;  but  from  the  time  I  got  up  till  the  middle  of 
the  day,  I  enjoyed  more  peace  and  spiritual  joy,  than  I  have 
since  I  began  the  voyage.  I  recollected  it  was  the  first  Sun- 
day my  friends  knew  of  my  being  at  sea.  Oh,  there  w^ere 
many  prayers  ascending  for  me.  Read  the  psalms  of  praise 
with  a  happy  sense  of  God's  love.  Found  it  still  in  vain  to 
get  at  the  soldiers,  in  the  midst  of  their  bustle  of  preparation 
for  a  drill  previous  to  their  review.  While  they  were  drilled 
on  deck,  I  walked  on  the  poop,  my  soul  in  general  expanding 
with  love,  in  recollecting  the  society  of  the  children  of  God, 
with  whom  I  felt  sweet  communion  of  spirit.  Talked  to  the 
quarter-master,  but  he  did  not  seem  to  receive  what  I  had  to 
say  ;  another  seaman  continues  to  read  the  Bible  daily  which 
I  gave  him  a  few  days  ago ;  I  asked  him  if  he  understood 
it :  the  tears  ran  down  his  cheeks,  while  he  conversed  on  re- 
ligion :  on  asking  him,  whether  he  did  not  sin  against  God 
daily,  he  was  quick  to  confess  that  he  did.  His  soul  seemed 
to  be  very  tender,  serious,  and  humble,  and  I  left  him  in 
comfortable  hope.  Went  below  decks,  but  the  confusion  was 
greater  than  ever ;  reproved  a  corporal  and  a  sentry  for 
swearing.  I  observed  evident  marks  of  contempt.  There 
was  a  quarrel  amongst  the  soldiers  and  sailors ;  one  of  the 
former,  who  was  stripped  for  fighting,  I  went  up  to  ;  they 
all  showed  great  deference,  and  the  tumult  subsided  for 
awhile,  but  I  feel  a  coward  heart  in  such  circumstances.  In 
a  season  of  prayer  at  this  time,  I  was  stirred  up  to  pray  fer- 
vently for  zeal  in  the  diflferent  offices  of  my  ministry.  I  saw 
that  I  ought  to  give  my  whole  strength  to  preaching.  I 
consider  it  as  an  aw^ful  occasion,  in  which  I  should  labor 
mightily.  McK.  was  going  on  a  party  of  pleasure,  with  some 
of  the  passengers,  but  I  convinced  him  of  the  sinfulness  of  it, 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  227 

and  so  he  stayed.  At  half  after  five  we  had  service ;  I 
preached  on  Psalm  Iv.  21,  22.  There  were  not  many  pas- 
sengers present,  but  the  profoundest  attention  in  those  that 
were. 

Aug.  20.  God  visited  me  again  in  prayer  ;  my  soul  wrestled 
for  the  continuance  of  the  spirit  of  adoption  ;  I  felt  angry 
with  myself,  and  grieved  that  I -should  ever  walk  so  carelessly 
and  so  faithlessly,  as  to  bring  guilt  upon  my  conscience. 
In  the  afternoon,  finding  no  opportunity  of  going  below,  I 
looked  into  a  review,  and  was  led  on,  by  one  thing  after 
another  in  the  book,  to  delay  prayer  and  farther  exertions 
among  the  people  ;  detestable  curiosity  about  the  impertinent 
subjects  of  literature  has  often  given  a  severe  wound  to  my 
peace.  After  tea,  again  went  to  see  if  I  could  read  to  the 
people  ;  but  saw,  or  fancied  I  saw,  they  w^ere  in  too  great 
confusion,  fi-om  stowing  casks,  to  attend  to  me. 

Aug.  22.  Had  a  most  blessed  enjoyment  of  the  Divine 
presence  in  prayer  this  morning,  in  which  I  found  not  that 
tendency  to  be  puffed  up  at  the  discoveries  made  to  me  as  in 
former  days,  but  my  soul  seemed  filled  with  love,  and  willing 
self-abasement.  "  My  cup  runneth  over ;"  I  almost  ventured 
to  think,  "  truly  goodness  and  mercy  shall  follow  me  all  the 
days  of  my  life ;"  but  oh,  how  little  do  I  deserve  the  mani- 
festations of  God's  love  !  I  ought  to  have  served  him  better 
for  his  goodness  to  me.  Tn  consequence  of  late  dinner  and 
drill,  I  did  not  think  it  convenient  to  the  soldiers,  to  go  below 
and  read  to  them  ;  and  directly  after  tea,  the  hammocks 
were  ordered  down,  and  so  no  reading  took  place  ;  on  inquiry 
afterwards,  I  found  they  had  assembled  in  considerable 
numbers  on  the  upper  deck  to  hear  me ;  on  hearing  this  I 
w^as  quite  cut  to  the  heart.  It  is  not  for  want  of  willingness, 
that  I  am  so  slow  to  action ;  but  I  am  destitute  of  that 
energy,  promptness,  activity,  and  holy  forwardness  which 
characterized  Whitfield,  and  the  eminent  servants  of  God. 


228  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

Aug.  23.  Had  more  seriousness  than  joy  in  prayer ;  yet 
tlie  past  experience  of  the  satisfaction  to  be  tasted  in  com- 
munion with  God,  excited  me  to  some  perseverance,  and 
earnestness  to  seek  his  presence.  Went  aboard  the  Pitt, 
Botany  Bay  ship.  She  is  carrying  out  120  female  convicts. 
They  were  well  accommodated,  but  the  person  who  showed 
me  round,  said,  they  had  no  Bibles  or  religious  books. 
While  he  and  the  rest  were  with  me,  I  could  neither  speak 
to  them  particularly,  nor  distribute  tracts ;  but  on  deck 
observing  some  improper  conduct  in  a  seaman,  I  spoke  to 
him,  and  after  a  little  conversation,  declared  what  the  law  of 
God  threatened,  and  directed  him  how  he  might  be  able  to 
leave  off  his  sin.  'No,  said  he,  I  cannot  do  that,  and  will 
not ;  and  soon  after  I  saw  him  in  defiance  behaving  as  before. 
Our  conversation  drew  others  about  me,  who  all  questioned 
me  concerning  the  harm  of  it,  with  the  utmost  contempt. 
One  man  said,  Well,  if  that  is  the  greatest  sin  I  have  ever 
committed,  heaven  is  my  portion.  However,  I  could  very 
easily  keep  them  all  at  bay,  and  told  them  that  though  they 
could  make  a  laughing  matter  of  it  now,  they  would  think 
differently  of  it  at  death  and  the  day  of  judgment.  liowever 
I  could  not  leave  them  without  telhng  them  of  the  gospel,  and 
the  way  God  would  deliver  them  from  sin ;  this  made  them 
rather  more  serious  ;  chiefly,  I  suppose,  because  they  could 
not  but  receive  with  civility  what  I  spoke  to  them  mildly  as 
a  great  mercy  and  privilege.  I  afterwards  went  below  alone, 
and  finding  a  few  women,  spoke  to  them,  and  gave  them  a 
few  tracts  which  I  had.  One  whispered  to  me  in  great 
emotion,  asking  me  if  I  was  not  a  Roman  priest.  Guessing 
her  intentions,  I  asked  her  if  she  was  not  a  Roman  Catholic, 
and  advised  her  to  confess  her  sins  to  Him  who  knoweth  the 
heart.  Walking  to  the  fort,  I  passed  two  men  who  were 
hanging  in  chains,  for  murder.  They  were  the  most  horrid 
spectacle  I    ever   beheld  ;    some  of  the  clothes  were  still 


1805. J  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  229 

remaining,  and  parts  of  the  skeletons  appeared  tlironf>h  the 
rags.  In  one  a  few  locks  of  dishevelled  hair  remained,  and 
the  teeth,  so  that  his  countenance  still  preserved  a  look  of 
the  most  dire  malignity.  My  feelings,  which  been  excited  by 
what  I  had  witnessed  in  the  convict-ship,  were  now  greatly 
agitated.  The  wickedness  of  that  earth  on  which  I  was 
destined  to  dwell  so  long,  impressed  me  very  deeply.  I 
seemed  to  have  received  a  new  idea,  in  considering  what  sort 
of  people  God  had  to  manage.  Advancing  to  the  brow  of 
the  headland,  with  my  face  toward  the  wide  and  lovely  ocean, 
I  thought — 0  thou  hast  sent  me  as  a  sheep  among  wolves. 
My  heart  too  is  the  same,  disposed  to  the  same  iniquities.  1 
looked  towards  India,  and  remembered  they  were  heathens, 
perhaps  ten  times  worse  than  anything  I  had  seen.  Yet  I 
felt  no  disposition  to  do  anything  but  labor  in  the  gospel 
among  my  fellow  creatures.  Seeing  a  middle-aged  soldier 
sitting  under  the  wall  of  the  fort,  I  began  a  conversation,  and 
found  he  was  a  Roman  Catholic.  In  answer  to  my  arguments 
against  the  main  errors  of  his  superstition,  namely,  the  use 
of  the  intercession  of  the  Virgin  and  the  saints,  and  depend- 
ence on  our  righteousness  for  acceptance,  he  replied  very 
sensibly  and  seriously.  I  Avas  pleased  that  he  made  objec- 
tions, as  it  was  not  in  a  captious  spirit,  because  it  showed  he 
understood  what  I  said,  and  felt  the  force  of  it.  Afterwards, 
while  I  opened  the  system  of  the  gospel  to  him,  he  listened 
wnth  great  attention,  without  interrupting,  and  having  nothing 
more  to  reply,  I  left  him  after  giving  him  Vivian's  Dialogues. 

He  read,  he  said,  the  English  Testament.    Mr. took  away 

almost  all  the  evening,  by  coming  to  tell  rae — 1st,  that  he 
had  been  defending  my  conduct  before  the  junior  officers  of 
the  regiment,  who  had  declared,  that  if  they  were  command- 
ing officers,  I  should  not  be  suffered  to  talk  to  the  men  in 
this  way  about  religion,  thus  unfitting  them  to  be  soldiers ; 
and  that  if  I  read  at  all  to  them,  it  should  be  to  the  whole  on 


230  JOURNAL  AND  LETTERS  [1805. 

deck;  and  2nd,  by  opening  his  mind  to  me  on  the  subject  of 
bis  revengeful  temper,  which  had  just  been  excited.  I  endea- 
vored to  advise  him  on  the  subject. 

Aug.  25.  (Sunday.)  Rose  from  prayer  with  a  solemn  im- 
pression. In  consequence  of  the  rain,  there  could  be  no  ser- 
vice this  morning  ;  I  felt  at  this  a  secret  sort  of  pleasure,  but 
soon  after  the  guilt  of  the  feeling  w^as  brought  home  to  my 
mind.  I  prayed,  that  God  would  not  for  my  wickedness' 
sake  deprive  those  perishing  souls  of  the  bread  of  life,  but 
feed  them,  and  in  mercy  to  his  church,  and  free  compassion 
to  his  wretched  creatures,  inflame  their  soul  with  a  burning 
zeal.  I  found  that  the  Lord  had  in  part  heard  my  prayer, 
for  I  rose  with  an  utter  scorn  of  my  former  base  lukewarm- 
ness,  and  desired  above  all  things,  to  spend,  and  be  spent,  in 
Christ's  service.  In  my  walk  on  deck,  conversed  a  Httle 
with  the  mate,  but  to  all  on  religion  obtained  no  answer. 
Yet  he  is  my  staunch  friend  ;  for  after  dinner,  while  I  was 
below,  he  said  to  Lieutenant  D.,  "If  you  w^on't  be  rehgious 
yourself,  why  hinder  another  ?"  and  he  said  to  several  of 
them,  "  Though  you  langh  at  religion  now,  by  and  by  your 
consciences  will  be  overhauled. "  He  is  the  picture  of  a 
good-natured  blunt  seaiifan.  I  retired  soon  after  dinner,  and 
read  the  Pilo-rim's  Proo-ress  to  the  men,  who  attended  in 
great  numbers  to  hear,  chiefly  because  the  rain  prevented 
their  being  on  deck.  I  never  perceived  so  much  of  the  ex- 
traordinary value  of  this  book  till  now.  I  am  now  got  be- 
yond most  of  my  poor  hearers,  but  it  cannot  be  helped.  The 
latter  part  of  a  Christian's  course  may  be  more  blessed  to 
them  than  the  beginning.  But  as  I  goon,  the  book  furnishes 
me  with  opportunities  of  making  a  thousand  useful  remarks 
I  should  never  have  thought  of  else.  It  clearing  off  in  the 
evening,  I  walked  on  the  poop,  enjoying  the  thought  of  the 
people  of  God,  who  were  then  assembling  in  different  parts 
of  the  kingdom,  to  happy   w^orship,  particularly  the  congre- 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  231 

gallons  at  Cambridge,  St.  John's,  London,  and  Dock,  when 
1  was  interrupted  by  the  mate's  proposing  divine  service 
without  a  sermon,  which  indeed  it  was  impossible  to  have,  as 
the  sun  was  down  before  they  began  to  rig  the  church. 

Aug.  26.  Two  things  were  made  the  subject  of  my  ear- 
nest petition  this  morning,  1.  That  God  would  exert  his 
power,  and  make  me  depend  on  that  power  by  which  he  can 
renew  my  heart.  The  texts,  "  What  is  the  exceeding  great- 
ness of  his  power,  and  "  He  is  able  to  do  exceedingly,"  (fee, 
appeared  to  me  just  what  I  wanted.  Nothing  seemed  capa- 
ble of  fitting  my  body  and  soul  for  glory,  but  the  sovereign 
power  and  pleasure  of  God.  I  prayed  the  Lord,  that  he 
would  himself  create  me  anew  unto  good  works,  and  a  spirit 
of  love,  and  make  me  to  see  it  to  be  his  doing,  for  then  he 
would  have  all  the  glory.  Oh  that  the  Lord  would  be 
pleased  to  remove  pride  and  delusion  of  self-love  from 
this  vile  heart,  lest  I  be  made  to  feel  the  truth  of  his  word, 
by  being  cast  into  outer  darkness  !  My  mind,  during  my 
walk,  was  uneasy  at  the  danger  of  trifling  in  my  studies, 
and  giving  myself  to  unimportant  reading,  for  want  of  being 
called  to  immediate  duties.  After  some  doubts,  and  much 
unwillingness,  I  went  below  in  the  afternoon,  expecting  to 
find  few  people  able  to  attend,  but  had  a  considerable  num- 
ber, and  from  a  part  of  "Pilgrim's  Progress,"  told  them 
much  of  the  evil  of  being  ashamed  of  religion.  Enjoyed  a 
solemn,  though  short  season  of  praj^er  in  the  evening,  in 
which  I  felt  all  my  soul  go  forth  in  desires  to  be  like  Christ, 
in  finding  my  meat  and  drink  in  doing  the  will  of  God.  In 
the  evening  endeavored  to  learn  the  notes  on  the  flute,  as 
thinking  it  may  be  of  use  in  helping  my  people  to  sing,  per- 
haps, in  India.  The  Lord  keep  these  things  from  being  a 
snare  to  me ! 

Aug.  27.  My  chief  business  in  prayer  this  morning,  was 
to  put  my  soul  into   a  state  of  heavenly-mindedness.     Oh, 


232  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

how  unconquerably  carnal  did  my  heart  appear  !  Thougli 
the  outward  scene  presents  nothing  but  what  is  unsatisfying 
and  tedious,  except  viewed  in  a  spiritual  manner,  I  feel  I 
have  no  power  to  preserve  any  abiding  enjoyment  of  invisible 
things.  However  rich  it  is  to  be  under  the  influence  of  di- 
vine realities,  I  cannot  keep  my  soul  in  eternity  :  it  is  .pre- 
sently down  again  upon  earth,  the  easy  sport  of  almost  eve- 
rything that  passes  before  the  sight.  What  a  state  of  joy  it 
must  be,  I  thought,  to  be  there,  where  I  shall  always  see 
God,  and  always  be  filled  with  divine  affections,  to  worship 
him  day  and  night  in  his  holy  temple !  Endeavored  as  I 
walked  on  deck,  to  turn  my  thoughts  into  a  profitable  chan- 
nel, but  to  little  puipose ;  at  last  I  bowed  my  knees  in 
prayer,  and  never  yet  found  such  precious  power  in  the 
atonement.  The  Spirit,  of  a  truth,  applied  the  blood  of 
Jesus,  to  cleanse  me  from  all  my  sin.  WhaStever  I  had  been 
in  times  past,  free  pardon  might  be  (Stained,  and  I  might 
begin  anew  with  quietness  and  peace,  my  heart  being  sprin- 
kled from  an  evil  conscience  ;  death,  which  seemed  very  near, 
through  the  weakness  of  my  bodily  frame,  appeared  very 
desirable.  I  tried  to  realize  what  would  be  my  feejings  on  a 
death-bed,  and  my  fears,  and  endeavored  to  meet  them. 
Then  read  1  Cor.  xv.,  with  great  impression,  and  I  tried  to  be 
persuaded  that  there  was  really  nothing  here,  for  which  I 
should  be  unwilling  to  leave  the  world  ;  certainly  nothing  in 
the  ungodly,  and  nothing  also  in  the  society  of  saints. 

Aug.  30.  Read  a  good  deal  of  Scripture,  but  in  a  heavy 
frame,  though  I  selected  the  most  enlivening  parts.  I  was 
not  on  the  whole  so  much  dejected  as  the  last  time  I  was 
sick,  but  yet  very  much  so  now  ;  misery  seemed  to  await  me 
through  life.  Nothing  but  death  and  heaven  appeared  as  a 
pleasant  end  in  view.  There  seemed  no  one  person  who 
cared  for  me.  Began  Dow.  The  insidious  attacks  on  Chris- 
tianity in  this  writer,  while  he  describes  the  Hindoos,  and 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  233 

tlicir  inveterate  attachment  to  their  superstition,  stirred  me 
up  to  prayer ;  in  which,  after  making  mention  before  the 
Lord  of  the  state  of  India,  and  his  promise  respecting  the 
conversion  of  all  men,  and  the  want  of  success  his  faithful 
servants  had  met  with,  I  said,  that  I,  a  poor  feeble  worm, 
should  certainly  be  swallowed  up,  and  lost  in  the  difficulties, 
unless  God  should  show  to  the  world  that  He  still  reigneth  : 
the  hope,  that  the  Lord  might  perhaps  be  pleased  to  make 
use  of  me,  inspired  me  with  great  ardor,  and  I  sat  down  to 
deliberate  on  the  subject ;  I  could  not  perceive  that  anything 
was  to  be  done,  till  I  had  learnt  by  actual  intercourse  with 
the  natives,  to  enter  into  their  minds  and  vdews ;  for  so  only 
could  I  learn  to  answer  the  objections  they  would  make  to 
the  truths  of  the  gospel.  Read  some  chapters  of  the  Acts, 
to  see  how  the  apostles  addressed  ignorant  heathens  ;  and 
afterwards  Brainerd's  description  of  the  difficulties  which  at- 
tended his  mission.  But  all  this  is  outward  ;  my  soul  wants 
the  spirit  of  prayer.  The  work  is  easy  to  God,  if  I  could 
pray  earnestly  in  their  behalf.  The  Lord  awaken  me  to  spi- 
ritual earnestness ! 

Sept.  1.  (Sunday.)  A  very  melancholy  sabbath.  Con- 
tinued very  ill  the  whole  morning,  and  indeed  the  whole  day  ; 
got  into  my  cot  about  seven,  and  being  a  little  more  at  ease^ 
sought  communion  with  God.  At  different  times  of  the  niglit 
as  I  lay  awake,  I  experienced  the  consolations  of  God,  not  so 
great  as  to  give  me  joy,  but  enabling  me  to  sufier  with  tran- 
quiUity.  Upon  the  whole,  I  have  reason  to  adore  his  mercy, 
that  my  spirit  has  not  been  tried  as  this  day  three  weeks. 
Death  throughout  the  day  appeared  very  desirable.  I  longed 
to  die,  rather  even  than  to  be  well  and  with  my  friends. 
Death  was  the  best  consolation  I  could  find,  as  I  had  not 
enough  of  the  presence  of  my  heavenly  friend  to  be  able  to 
rejoice  at  suffering  for  him. 

Sept.  3.  A  day  of  bitterness  and  distress.     I  took  up  one 


234  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

of  the  volumes  of  the  Cheap  Repositoiy,  and  found  several 
things  very  suitable.  The  conversion  of  Gamba  affected  me 
in  an  extraordinary  manner  ;  1  had  a  deep  impression  made 
upon  me  of  the  misery  of  mankind.  The  story  of  the  fair- 
weather  sailor  delineated  my  character,  I  thought,  too  truly. 
The  Shepherd  of  Salisbury  Plain  made  me  ashamed  of  my- 
self. What  I  suffer  is  only  the  common  evils  of  hfe.  The 
Lord  have  mercy  upon  me  !  it  is  all  I  can  say.  1  would 
rather  be  cut  in  pieces  than  deny  my  Saviour,  by  forsaking 
this  part  of  his  work,  which  he  assigned  me  ;  and  yet,  with  a 
heart  so  full  of  corruption,  there  is  nothing  too  pitiful  for  me 
to  do.  After  dinner,  got  nigh  to  God  in  prayer,  but  it  was 
like  stemming  a  torrent.  If  I  got  on  a  httle,  I  was  present- 
ly carried  back  where  I  left  off.  My  soul  was  influenced  with 
something  of  ardor  to  be  doing  the  Lord's  work.  Respect- 
in  o-  life  I  am  not  anxious.  There  is  only  reason  to  fear  lest 
the  Lord  in  wrath  should  send  me  back  as  unworthy  to  pro- 
ceed on  so  high  an  errand.  But  0  may  he  rather  graciously 
fit  me  for  it  if  it  be  his  will !  After  being  on  board  seven 
weeks,  we  are  not  yet  to  the  west  of  L-eland.  But  were  I 
blessed  with  a  humble  contented  mind,  as  I  desire  to  be,  no 
earthly  trifles  would  move  me.  "  I  have  learnt  in  whatsoever 
state  I  am,  therewith  to  be  content,"  &c.  "  I  can  do  all 
things  through  Christ  which  strengtheneth  me."  At  night 
I  resolved,  in  the  strength  of  God,  to  make  an  eff"ort  to  rise 
above  present  afflictions,  and  be  happy  and  contented  in  God. 
Felt  much  returning  joy  and  peace. 

Sept.  4.  I  was  taught  in  my  prayer  to-day  the  necessity 
of  living  by  faith.  It  was  a  relief  to  my  soul,  to  declare  to 
God  my  utter  msufficiency  for  all  good,  and  that  therefore 
my  hope  of  ever  obtaining  contentment  and  joy  in  his  service, 
must  be  the  gracious  gift  of  his  Holy  Spirit;  and  with  this  I 
felt  a  very  serene  and  calm  assurance,  that  God  would  work 
all  my  works  in  me,  that  I  should  be  created  anew  in  Christ 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  235 

Jesus,  unto  good  works.  Read  the  Galatians  and  meditated. 
It  was  then  suggested  to  me, — Think  no  more  of  anything 
but  suffering  in  this  hfe  ;  you  are  an  exile  from  your  native 
country  and  friends  ;  think  not   of  seeing  them  any  more. 

Major  D had  been  giving  me  an  account  of  what  would 

be  my  situation  in  India.  I  sat  musing  upon  it  on  deck, 
without  being  able  to  find  one  single  ray  of  comfort,  but 
what  should  come  from  the  presence  of  God.  It  was  now 
in  vain  to  look  forward  to  anything  upon  earth.  In  mute 
astonishment  therefore  I  looked  forward,  and  surveyed  the 
scene.  The  pleasures  and  comforts  of  this  life,  such  as  are 
allowed  to  God's  children,  from  them  I  was  entirely  excluded. 
After  a  little  time,  I  quietly  looked  upon  this  as  my  portion, 
and  made  up  my  mind  to  expect  nothing  but  suffering  every 
day.  The  thought  was  not  so  overwhelming,  but  it  solemn- 
ized my  mind  most  exceedingly,  and  I  felt  weaned  from  the 
world  to  a  degree  I  never  experienced  before, 

Sept.  5.  Rose  without  strength  or  spirits  to  dress  myself. 
As  long  as  I  could  sit  in  my  cabin,  I  passed  the  time,  about 
three  hours,  in  reading  and  prayer.  I  found  many  of  the 
psalms  in  exact  unison  -with  my  feelings  ;  and  this  was  a 
great  comfort  to  me,  as  I  found  that  some  of  the  children  of 
God  had  been  in  as  distressed  circumstances.  In  the  after- 
noon I  could  do  nothing  but  sit  holding  my  head  in  my  cabin. 
Here  I  was  assaulted  with  a  sense  of  guilt,  lest  I  was  giving 
way  to  laziness,  in  not  stirring  up  myself  to  pray  and  labor 
for    God.     After    ten    I  revived  considerably  in   my  spirit. 

Talked  very  closely  to  my  servant.     Mr.  coming  in,  I 

read  an  account  of  Brainerd's  death,  and  some  hymns,  which 
so  much  refreshed  me,  that  I  could  hold  up  my  head  again. 
Afterwards  alone ;  read  some  chapters  in  Revelations,  and 
determined  to  endeavor  to  improve  the  present  season  of 
danger,  by  going  into  the  cuddy  after  supper,  which  I  did  ; 
but  as  the  weather  was  become  rather  more  moderate,  the 


236  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

conversation  was  not  at    all    about    the    gale.     However,  I 

had  occasion  to  mention  to the  real  cause  of  the  fears 

we  have  of  death,  and  the  remedy.  In  my  prayer  before 
this  I  saw  reason  to  be  humbled  for  the  vain-glorious  desire 
I  had  shown  to  manifest  my  contempt  of  death  ;  but  now  I 
find  it  impossible  to  approach  God  but  as  the  most  abject  of 
creatures.  My  grief  is,  that  I  cannot  have  my  affections  set 
upon  things  above.  The  w^orld  in  a  particular  form  has  a 
hold  upon  my  soul,  and  the  spiritual  conflict  is  consequently 
dreadful.  Nothing  but  such  assurances  as  that,  "  Without 
me  ye  can  do  nothing,"  could  support  me  from  sinking  to 
deep  despondency.  God  w411  not  cast  off  his  people.  I  am 
now  in  the  fire,  fighting  hard ;  Oh  for  strength  to  carry  me 
through  !  Outw^ard  and  inw^ard  trials  threaten  to  destroy  me, 
but  I  will  put  my  trust  in  God.  "I  shall  yet  praise  him, 
who  is  the  health  of  my  countenance  and  my  God." 

Sept.  6.  The  storm  continued  to  increase  during  the  night. 
Two  of  the  sails  were  torn  to  pieces.  The  violence  of  the 
wind  in  the  rigging,  and  the  confusion  on  deck,  prevented  my 
sleep.  I  was  chiefly  led  to  think  of  the  man}-  poor  souls  in 
the  ship  ;  the  thought  of  them  reminded  me  of  my  own  luke- 
warmness,  and  unfaithfulness  ;  but  all  this  only  made  mc 
feel  more  deeply  the  necessity  of  the  Redeemer's  righteousness. 
At  night,  when  the  wind  abated,  read  AVhitfield's  Journal, 
and  observing  how  he  acted  on  such  an  occasion,  I  was  cut 
by  it  to  the  heart,  at  the  sense  of  my  lukewarmness.  Once 
more  I  struggled,  determined  to  rise,  through  God,  above 
the  body,  the  flesh,  and  the  world,  to  a  life  of  ardor  and  de- 
votedness  to  God. 

Next  morning  was  very  sick,  insomuch  that  I  was  obliged 
to  stay  upon  deck  in  the  crowd.  In  prayer  my  corruption 
seemed  to  be  like  a  mountain  pressing  upon  me.  As  for  the 
world,  I  detested  it,  for  being  the  cause  of  my  plague,  but 
could  not  get  the  love  of  it  out  of  my  heart.     I  could  not 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  237 

find  my  supreme  pleasure  in  being  separated  from  all  things 
unto  the  gospel  of  God,  and  thus  my  spiritual  conflict  was 
agonizing  beyond  measure.  Beginning  to  grow  quite  out- 
rageous with  myself,  and  like  a  wild  bull  in  a  net,  I  saw 
plainly  this  Avas  coming  to  nothing ;  and  so  in  utter  despair 
of  working  any  deliverance  for  myself,  I  simply  cast  myself 
upon  Jesus  Christ,  praying  that  if  it  were  possible,  something 
of  a  change  might  be  wrought  in  my  heart.  Though  I  was 
a  little  earnest  in  the  afternoon,  the  sense  of  my  constant  un- 
profitableness made  me  more  miserable  than  ever,  and  my 
soul  was  fast  departing  in  unbelief  from  the  living  God.  Thus 
the  Lord  vouchsafed  to  me  a  sense  of  my  danger,  and  I  be- 
gan to  consider,  What  can  this  end  in  ?  If  I  am  really  in 
anguish  for  the  low  state  of  my  soul,  what  hinders  me  from 
rising  ?  Why  do  not  I  make  a  struggle  and  cry  with  power 
to  God  ? — so  I  did  this  day,  (not  on  my  knees,  for  my  cabin 
was  floating  with  water,  which  had  broken  in  at  the  port- 
hole,) and  God  in  a  measure  answered  ray  prayer.  1  Avalked 
the  deck  in  great  haste,  for  I  have  to  strive  against  stupor  of 
body  almost  as  much  as  against  that  of  the  mind  :  I  repeated 
and  meditated  on  Eph.  i.  11,  and  kept  doing  so,  notwith- 
standing whatever  I  heard  or  saw,  and  this  activity  of  mind 
on  spiritual  things  was  made  a  blessing. 

Sept.  8.  Rose  in  nearly  the  same  state  as  on  preceding 
day,  sick  in  body  and  wovmded  in  spirit.  However,  thought 
I,  now  is  the  time  for  struggling.  In  prayer  I  w\as  led  away 
from  my  own  corruptions  to  the  more  refreshing  subject  of 
God's  church  and  ministers.  About  the  time  when  I  expected 
service,  I  went  about  the  poop,  but  the  sailors  were  all  at 
work,  and  the  boatswain  swearing  at  them.  My  heart  was 
agonized  with  my  situation  among  the  ungodly,  compared 
with  that  of  the  Christian  societies  upon  shore.  When  I  w^cnt 
to  take  my  exercise  on  deck,  I  resolved  to  fight  hard  against 
my  dejection,  and  truly  a  hard  conflict  I  had  of  it  for  two 


238  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

hours ;  I  was  nfraid  to  let  ray  thoughts  dwell  upon  the  out- 
ward scene  for  a  moment,  or  upon  England,  or  friends,  which 
would  have  made  the  matter  worse.  But  by  reciting  scrip- 
ture, I  strove  to  keep  my  thoughts  incessantly  engaged  in 
divine  things;  though  I  could  not  obtain  joy,  I  was  conscious 
of  doing  right ;  and  that,  painful  as  it  was,  thus  to  struggle 
up  hill  was  the  appointed  narrow  way.  Read  Leighton  on 
Peter  to-day,  and  found  every  sentence  almost  applicable  to 
my  case  ;  I  almost  thought  it  good  to  be  in  tribulation,  to 
have  such  precious  truths  appropriated  to  me.  In  the  even- 
ing read  the  Revelations,  with  greater  peace  of  mind  and  de- 
votedness  to  God. 

Sept.  9.  At  last  the  Lord  hath  appeared  for  the  comfort 
of  his  creature.  Why  cannot  my  soul  be  always  in  heaven  ? 
Dearest  Lord,  there  is  nothing  on  earth  worthy  of  a  moment's 
concern  ;  thy  work  may  be  prosecuted  best  by  my  soul's  re- 
maining in  heaven.  The  transcendent  sweetness  of  the  privi- 
lege of  being  always  with  God  would  appear  to  me  too  great, 
were  it  not  for  the  blessed  command,  "  Set  your  affections  on 
things  above,"  &c.  "  For  your  life  is  hid  with  Christ  in 
God." — Life  hid  in  God  !  In  my  walk  on  deck  found  it  neces- 
sary to  watch  and  pray,  lest  I  should  sink  into  dissatisfaction. 
Endeavored  to  keep  in  mind,  that  the  little  trifling  occurrences 
and  changes  which  took  place  around  me  had  no  concern  with 
me ;  and  that,  considering  the  great  work  God  had  put  upon 
me,  I  ought  to  be  hourly  considering  how  eminently  I  should 
be  a  man  of  prayer,  thought,  and  heavenly-mindedness.  De- 
termined not  to  be  discouraged  by  the  neglect  of  the  soldiers  ; 
and  so,  when  I  Avent  down  again,  I  began  to  read  to  about 
three,  and  my  hearers  soon  increased.  My  heart  was  often 
very  full,  in  describing  the  way  of  salvation  by  Christ,  and 
the  happiness  of  finding  it.  In  the  evening  had  sweet  access 
to  God. 

Sept.  10.  Sickness  this  morning  was  about  to  bring  on  dis- 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  239 

content  and  peevishness  ;  but  I  presently  recollected,  that  it 
was  ray  business  to  be  faithful  and  happy  in  every  condition. 
Walked  on  deck  with  Major  D.  He  told  me  I  should  find 
nothing  wanting  in  India  but  a  partner.  This  was  to  me  a 
very  unwelcome  piece  of  advice  ;  for  though  I  am  greatly 
delivered  from  all  desires  of  a  worldly  nature  at  this  time, 
his  words  recalled  many  thoughts  of  Lydia,  which  I  could 
not  remove  so  easily  as  I  wished, 

Sept.  11.  Enjoyed  the  blessed  presence  of  God  in  prayer, 
great  deadness  to  the  world,  and  happy  meditation  on  eternity. 
In  my  walk  upon  deck  the  Lord  kept  my  heart  in  general 
above  the  influence  of  the  idle  occurrences  and  passing  scenes 
around  me,  and  I  looked  forward  with  contentment  and 
pleasure  to  living  among  none  but  Mussulmans  and  Hindoos, 
to  which  I  feel  at  times  strong  reluctance.  Read  Hindoo- 
stanee  ;  at  dinner  many  spiritual  thoughts  were  suggested  to 
my  soul.  I  looked  forward  with  delight  to  the  time  when 
the  body  would  no  more  need  to  be  fed  with  corrupting  food, 
but  would  be  changed,  and  made  like  the  glorious  body  of 
Christ.  In  the  afternoon  looked  over  Vince's  Astronomy  till 
it  was  time  to  go  below ;  prayer  would  have  been  a  better 
preparation  for  reading  to  them  ;  for  the  immediate  effect  of 
considering  some  things  in  astronomy  was  an  extraordinary 
coldness  of  heart  towards  divine  things  and  religious  duties ; 
but  reading  to  the  poor  people  presently  warned  me  again ; 
my  few  hearers  now,  I  observe,  are  generally  the  same  per- 
sons, which  I  am  glad  of.     In  the  evening  thought  to  finish 

a  few  calculations  before  prayer ;  but  McK coming  in, 

prevented,  and  thus  the  time,  which  I  find  most  profitable, 
was  lost.  He  stayed  a  long  time,  conversing  upon  religion. 
He  grows  visibly  in  grace.  He  now  reads  the  Scriptures 
aloud  in  the  cabin,  and  has  one  or  two  to  hear  him.  At  night 
had  a  solemn  season  of  prayei',  in  which  my  eyes  were  a  little 
opened  to  consider  the  holy  examples  of  John  the  Baptist 


240  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805- 

and  St.  Paul.  Ob  tliat  I  might  be  taught  and  strengthened 
to  become  such  a  holy,  self-denying,  spiritual  minister  and 
missionary !  Before  going  to  bed,  read  Milner's  Sermon  on 
fasting.  I  have  no  doubt  of  the  usefulness  of  separate  sea- 
sons of  fasting  and  prayer,  though  my  flesh  seemed  to  shrink 
from  it  at  present,  as  if  it  were  too  much  for  my  strength  ; 
3'et  past  experience  encourages  me,  and  David  Brainerd's  ad- 
vice. What  a  quickening  example  has  he  often  been  to  me, 
especially  on  this  account,  that  he  was  of  a  weak  and  sickly 
constitution  ! 

Sept.  12.  An  unhappy  day,  made  so  through  negligence. 
Had  a  happy  season  of  morning  prayer,  as  usual,  but  w^asled 
much  of  the  rest  of  the  morning  in  calculations,  though  I 
knew  it  ought  to  have  been  spent  in  composition.  In  my  walk 
alone  on  deck  I  found  it  hard  to  keep  from  my  former  unbe- 
lieving thoughts.  After  dinner  found  myself  dull,  and  unfit 
for  the  service  of  God.  This  wounded  my  peace  deeply ;  I 
was  almost  ashamed  to  appear  in  the  presence  of  God.  'With 
shame  and  humiliation,  I  read  to  the  soldiere  below  ;  in  prayer 
afterwards,  in  vain  did  I  pray  to  enjoy  the  sweetness  of  eter- 
nity ;  my  soul  seemed  left  to  its  own  stupidity,  and  God  to 
have  hidden  his  face.  After  reading  a  portion  of  Scripture,  I 
began,  after  some  deliberation,  to  write  my  sermon;  and 
though  I  made  little  progress,  I  felt  more  satisfied  at  night, 
as  having  been  in  the  path  of  duty.  How  debasing  is  sin  ! 
it  separates  the  soul  from  God,  and  leaves  it  to  grovel  on 
earth  in  misery. 

Sept.  13.  My  soul  tasted  much  of  the  love  of  God  in 
prayer  this  morning,  and  rose  in  the  desire  and  hope  of  con- 
tinuing in  it  all  day.  I  way  disposed  to  ask  with  the  bride, 
from  my  constant  expectation  of  soon  losing  spiritual  fervor  : 
*'  Tell  me,  0  thou  whom  my  soul  loveth,  where  thou  feedest, 
where  thou  makest  thy  flock  to  rest  at  noon  ;  for  why  should 
I  become  as  one  that  turneth  aside  by  the  flocks  of  thy  com- 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  241 

panions  ?"  Why  should  I  give  way,  and  sufter  my  thoughts 
to  be  led  by  outward  occurrences  ?  Eaiployed  about  sermon 
with  rather  greater  sobriety  and  seriousness  than  in  general, 

Sept.  14.  Was  again  favored  with  a  sense  of  the  love  of 
God  in  prayer  this  morning.  Rose  very  feeble  and  dejected, 
but  was  refreshed  by  remembering  that  my  body  and  soul 
are  Christ's,  and  that  when  he  shall  call  me  away,  "  this 
corruptible  shall  put  on  incorruption,  and  this  mortal  put  on 
immortality."  In  my  walk  had  little  opportunity  of  reflec- 
tion, as  there  were  so  many  on  deck,  and  one  and  another 
joined  me  ;  to  Captain  J.  I  declared  what  I  thought  the  will 
of  God  about  duelling.  After  dinner  all  the  men  were 
paraded  on  the  quarter-deck,  to  hear  the  decision  of  the 
court  martial  on  one  of  the  mutinous  soldiers,  which  was  his 
acquittal.  Some  of  the  articles  of  war  were  read.  This  left 
me  no  time  for  reading  to  them.  The  rest  of  the  evening  I 
continued  writing,  with  my  mind  low,  but  solemn ;  finding  a 
sweet  relief  at  intervals,  to  stop  and  try  to  have  a  foretaste 
of  heavenly  glory,  I  seemed  to  have  no  prospect  in  my 
heart,  of  ever  taking  up  my  rest  in  this  life,  but  was  resigned, 
and  pleased  at  being  altogether  for  another  world. 

Sept,  15.  Had  a  long  conversation  with  major  D ; 

from  his  great  anxiety  and  extraordinary  humility  in  being 
willing  to  receive  instruction  from  me,  (indeed  he  seemed  to 
think  me  almost  infallible,)  I  was  very  earnest.  With  the 
utmost  possible  plainness,  in  every  variety  of  expression  and 
illustration,  did  I  endeavor  to  point  out  the  difference  between 
the  way  of  salvation  by  the  law,  and  by  the  gospel.  Yet 
without  making  objections,  his  mind  seemed  to  continue  in 

darkness.     I  next  had  conversation  with ,  one  of  the 

cadets,  who  appeared  to  seek  it.  He  seems  very  well  dis- 
posed. I  offered  him  instruction  in  mathematics  and  classics, 
which  he  accepted.  Next  with  the  chief  mate,  commending 
his  leaving  off  swearing,  which  I  observe  is  already  the  case. 
11 


242  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

I  reminded  him  of  the  necessity  of  putting  off  the  old  man, 
and  being-  renewed,  &c.  He  is  one  the  worthiest  men  in 
the  ship,  but  we  cannot  continue  long  on  religion  :  he  is  so 
soon  out  of  his  depth  ;  he  said  he  always  avoided  anger,  ever 
since  he  heard  a  sermon  on  the  subject,  the  finest  he  ever 
heard,  one  Wednesday  at  St.  Ann's^  Blackfriars.  I  sat  with 
the  seamen  on  the  gun-deck,  in  the  Boatswain's  berth  ;  at 
the  request  of  one  of  them,  I  gave  them  a  Bible,  two  Testa- 
ments, Baxter's  Call,  and  some  Tracts,  for  one  mess  consist- 
ing of  six.  As  I  sat  there,  I  had  a  long  and  close  conver- 
sation with  the  carpenter,  who  wished  to  appear  better 
informed  than  the  rest ;  he  would  not  believe,  that  he  was 
not  safe  in  acting  according  to  his  own  good  thoughts  ;  the 
ship's  steward,  whom  I  formerly  spoke  to  for  swearing,  and 
received  a  disrespectful  answer,  used  the  same  expression ;  I 
reproved  him  again,  and  received  the  same  answei-,  that  in 
his  own  thouo-hts  he  was  innocent,  for  he  meant  nothinof,  I 
told  him  that  his  sin  was  in  mentioning  those  words  without 
meaning  anything.  This  seemed  to  strike  him  very  forcibly. 
Coming  up,  I  met  the  purser  w^ho  was  ill ;  I  presently  began 
with  him,  and  talked  a  considerable  time  ;  next  with  Sergeant 

C ,  but  could  not  go  on  long,  as  the  soldiers  began  to 

gather  round  us,  too  near  the  quarter-deck  ;  lastly  with  Cor- 
poral B ,  who  seemed  to  be  in  a  very  low  state.     In  the 

evening  at  sun-set,  I  thought  with  pleasure,  "  but  few  more 
suns,  and  I  shall  be  where  my  sun  shall  no  more  go  down." 
My  dear  L3'dia,  my  sister,  and  all  tlie  dear  saints  in  England, 
I  can  be  content  to  see  no  more  :  I  have  nothing  to  do,  but 
to  attend  diligently  to  my  work,  since  "  the  day  of  redemp- 
tion draweth  nigh."  After  tea  in  prayer,  the  work  of  a 
missionary  before  me,  was,  as  in  general,  the  occasion  of  a 
very  serious  impression  on  my  mind.  Oh,  that  in  the  actual 
labor  and  suffering,  I  may  see  its  excellence  ! 

Sett.  17.  This  morning  much  of  praise  and  love:  began 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  243 

to  learn  the  use  of  the  navigation  tables,  and  the  practical 
method  of  astronomical  observations.  As  I  began  it  with  the 
belief  of  its  utility,  I  left  off  without  injury  to  m}''  spirit.  I 
was  assisted  in  getting  my  thoughts  fixed  in  prayer.  I 
seemed  at  a  long  distance  from  the  earth,  and  time,  and  near 
the  blessed  God.  My  soul  spoke  freely  of  its  w'ants,  parti- 
cularly of  the  life  of  faith  in  Christ,  and  walking  happily  in 
him,  and  with  him.  Spent  the  rest  of  the  night  in  thinking 
of  Col.  ii.  6,  not  with  much  success,  but  profited  by  my 
thoughts  being  summoned  to  aim  at  so  spiritual  a  subject. 
Studied  again  Rom.  vi.  in  order  to  discover  the  Christian 
motives,  and  found  great  insight  into  it.  Oh  may  I  Avalk  in 
L;reat  humility  !  and  if  I  increase  in  knowledge,  may  I  remain 
i.lso  in  lowliness  of  spirit ! 

Sept.  22.  Had  some  thoughts  of  devoting  this  day  to 
prayer  and  fasting,  but  was  undecided  as  to  the  latter,  whe- 
ther it  would  be  right  in  the  present  weak  state  of  my  body, 
to  omit  the  meal  of  dinner.  Read  in  the  morning  a  good 
deal  of  David  Brainerd  ;  his  dying  testimony  in  favor  of  such 
dccasional  abstinence  is  \evy  weighty.  I  began  to  pray,  first 
in  reference  to  my  owm  soul,  that  it  might  be  made  truly 
penitent.  I  endeavored  to  take  a  review  of  my  hfe  ;  the  re- 
collection   made   me  burst   into  tears.     My  heart  was  quite 

broken.     Prayed  at  length  for  my  sister,  my  brother  R , 

Dr.  J.  E.  and  Lydia.  After  praying  nearly  two  hours,  my 
heart  seemed  to  be  at  last  really  poor  and  broken ;  nothing 
appeared  so  remarkably  deep-rooted  and  detestable,  as  that 
never-ceasing  self-complacency  and  esteem,  which  attended 
me  amidst  all  those  causes  of  humiliation  ;  I  pictured  myself 
strutting  about  the  streets  and  Avalks  of  Cambridge,  wn-apt 
in  content,  thinking  myself  very  amiable  and  admired,  as 
much  by  others  as  by  myself.  Yes,  it  is  pride  which  sur- 
passes all  my  other  sins,  hiding  from  me  the  extreme  guilt  of 
laziness  and  lukewarmncss.     I  could  not  have  borne  this  self- 


244  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

condemnation  without  views  of  Christ ;  and  I  was  shrinking 
continually  from  the  search,  save  when  I  applied  the  blood 
of  Christ,  and  confirmed  my  assurance  of  his  all- sufficiency 
to  save.  Oh,  that  the  memory  of  my  iniquities  might  never 
cease  from  before  me,  while  I  sojourn  in  this  land  of  sin  and 
sorrow  !  Read  afterwards  Psalm  1.,  and  Dan.  ix.,  1  Kings 
xvii.,  xxi.  I  then  walked.  With  respect  to  the  enjoyment 
of  time  and  sense,  how  poor  and  worthless  do  they  appear  ! 

Sept.  24.  The  determination  with  which  I  went  to  bed 
last  night,  of  devoting  this  day  to  prayer  and  fasting,  I  Avas 
enabled  to  put  into  execution.  In  my  first  prayer  for  de- 
liverance from  worldly  thoughts,  depending  on  the  power 
and  promises  of  God,  for  fixing  my  soul  while  I  prayed,  I 
was  helped  to  enjoy  much  abstinence  from  the  w^orld,  for 
near  an  hour.  Then  read  the  history  of  Abraham,  to  see 
how  familiarly  God  had  revealed  himself  to  mortal  men  of 
old.  Afterwards,  in  prayer  for  my  own  sanctification,  my 
soul  breathed  freely  and  ardently  after  the  holiness  of  God, 
and  this  was  the  best  season  in  the  day.  During  my  w^alk, 
my  thoughts  were  heavenward,  indeed,  more  than  on  com- 
mon days,  but  not  humble  and  careful.  Endeavored  to  re- 
collect all  those  who  had  desired  my  prayers,  and  wrote  them 
down.  In  interceding  for  them,  I  was  rather  led  to  dwell  on 
young  ministers,  that  they  might  be  stirred  up  to  go  forth  as 
missionaries  ;  and  for  myself,  that  I  might  have  more  firm- 
ness, warmth,  vigor,  energy,  and  character.  I  prayed  with 
some  zeal,  but  yet  with  little  of  the  presence  of  God  hum- 
bling my  heart.  Three  of  the  cadets  came  to  me  with  Euclid. 
I  sat  most  of  the  evening,  endeavoring  to  compose  on  a  sub- 
ject, but  seemed  quite  spent  in  body  and  mind.  I  very  much 
fear,  that  the  climate,  which  is  extremely  soft  and  luxurious, 
(lat.  35°)  produces  this  relaxation  in  my  frame,  though  I 
make  every  effort  against  it.  If  this  should  be  the  case, 
what  will  India  be  ? 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  245 

Sept.  27.  Found  much  comfort  and  benefit  in  tlie  Psalms. 
Proceeded  but  slowly  in  my  composition.  My  mind  A\as 
more  impressed  with  the  value  of  the  souls  in  the  ship,  and 
my  duty  in  striving  to  stir  up  myself  and  them,  to  a  deep 
apprehension  of  eternal  things ;  but  it  is  here  I  feel  my  un- 
fitness for  a  missionary.  I  do  not  know  how  to  push  things. 
I  have  a  delicacy  about  me,  which  no  doubt  proves  ruinous 
to  souls.  When  I  believe,  and  therefore  speak,  I  shall  then 
pluck  souls  as  brands  out  of  the  burning  with  haste.  At 
present,  I  do  not,  that  I  know  of,  shrink  from  any  known 
method  of  diffusinor  the  liocht  of  truth,  but  I  am  not  ing-e- 
nious  in  methods  ;  I  do  not  invent  ways  and  means  in  get- 
ting at  men.  I  want  the  essence  of  zeal,  which,  if  no  way 
be  open,  will  make  a  way.  Alas  !  I  let  men  sleep,  as  if  only 
in  error,  not  as  on  the  brink  of  eternal  fire ;  yet  I  know  not 
what  can  be  done  but  to  preach,  and  to  read  to  them  as  often 
as  the  business  of  the  ship  will  permit,  and  to  converse  with 
whomsoever  I  can  get  to  join  with  me.  The  oaths  I  hear  on 
deck  move  me.  I  enjoyed  great  peace  and  assurance  in 
God  ;  confident  that,  should  we  be  driven  from  the  fleet  and 
lost,  my  spirit  would  be  transported  to  a  happier  world. 
With  Major  L ,  I  had  a  long  conversation  on  the  impos- 
sibility of  converting  the  Hindoos.  I  was  not  so  anxious  to 
combat  his  arguments,  as  desirous  to  say  something  for  the 
conviction  of  himself;  by  the  recollection  of  the  constant  ob- 
jections drawn  from  the  bigotry  of  the  Hindoos,  I  was  led  to 
pray,  that  God  would  of  a  truth  show  the  gospel  to  be  his 
own,  by  causing  the  lighting  down  of  his  arm  to  be  seen,  by 
a  great  work  in  that  country.  India  is  consigned  by  the 
world,  to  the  irrefragable  chain  of  Satan.  Oh  that  God  may 
soon  interfere  to  remove  her  reproach  !  may  she  "  forget  the 
shame  of  her  youth,  and  not  remem.ber  the  reproach  of  her 
widowhood  any  more  !"  Read  Milner  :  the  mission  to  Eng- 
land by  Gregory  interested  me  much,  and  refreshed  me  with 


246  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

the  prospect  of  something  to  take  place  in  India.  Lord,  in- 
crease my  zeal ;  that  though  I  am  but  a  feeble  and  obscure 
instrument,  I  may  struggle  out  my  few  days  in  great  and 
unremitting  exertions  for  the  demolition  of  paganism,  and  the 
setting  up  of  Christ's  kingdom. 

Sept.  29.  (Sunday.)  On  rising  this  morning,  soon  after 
five,  I  found  we  were  close  to  Madeira.  About  noon,  we 
anchored  before  Funchal ;  the  ship  was  one  uninterrupted 
scene  of  confusion  the  whole  day,  and  my  mind  was  lament- 
ably distracted.  After  waiting  till  two,  without  having  any 
service,  and  being  told  there  could  be  none  on  account  of  the 
anchor's  being  to  be  weighed  again,  I  went  ashore.  Went 
to  the  great  Catholic  Church,  and  was  shocked  beyond 
measure  at  the  absurd  ceremonies  ;  the  splendor  of  the 
church  was  beyond  anything  1  had  conceived.  The  priests 
eyed  me  with  considerable  attention,  amidst  the  crowd  of 
officers,  guessing  me  to  be  an  ecclesiastic,  I  suppose.  One  of 
them,  when  he  came  to  one  ceremony  more  than  ordinarily 
ridiculous,  could  not  conceal  his  laughter.  At  other  times, 
the  few  devotees  there,  while  on  their  knees,  would  laugh  and 
talk  together.  One  young  man,  in  the  dress  of  a  priest,  who 
was  showing  me  a  place  which  was  called  the  sanctuary, 
while  service  was  going  on  in  the  next  department,  1  ad- 
dressed in  Latin,  but  he  did  not  understand.  Is  it  possible, 
thought  I,  this  can  be  a  Christian  church  ?  I  do  not  know 
that  anything  shocked  me  so  much,  as  the  burning  of  incense 
before  the  picture  of  St.  Francis.  I  was  almost  ready  to 
shed  tears  with  grief.  A  poor  negro  woman  crossed  herself 
at  this  time  with  much  fervor  and  apparent  contrition.  I 
thought  she  might  be  truly  an  awakened  soul,  and  longed  to. 
be  able  to  speak  to  her,  but  could  not.  At  dinner,  met  a 
party  of  about  twenty  ;  several  colonels  and  ladies  ;  every- 
thing was  in  the  same  grandeur  as  in  London ;  I  was  disgust- 
ed at  the  thoughtlessness  of  the  company  on  this  day.     We 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  247 

had  great  profusion  of  fruit,  apples,  pears,  grapes,  raisins, 
walnuts,  almonds,  and  bananas,  a  fruit  I  did  not  like.  One 
of  the  clerks,  who  sat  next  me,  kept  me  in  constant  conver- 
sation, chiefly  on  religion ;  he  brought  forward  all  the  diffi- 
culties in  a  way  which  showed  he  was  used  to  dispute.     At 

last  Mr. called  me  away  to  a  lodging-room  he  had  found 

for  me  ;  and  then  we  read  and  prayed  together,  thus  closing 
the  Sabbath  more  happily  than  we  had  passed  through  it. 

Sept.  30.  Tins  morning  my  soul  was  still  distracted,  by 
the  novelty  of  the  scene,  from  a  happy  spiritual  frame ;  and 
prayer,  from  the  same  cause,  had  no  abiding  efficacy.  At 
night,  sat  with  my  poor  host,  who  had  been  a  hair-dresser  in 
London  forty  j^ears,  a  hearer  of  Basil  Woodd  ;  and  talked  to 
him  of  the  gospel ;  he  is  a  Roman  Catholic  from  fear,  but 
despises  popery. 


248  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 


CHAPTER    XII 


Oct.  1.  The  heat  was  exceedingly  oppressive,  I  hardly 
knew  how  to  support  myself.     At  my  lodging  in  the  evening, 

I  was  about 'to  read  to  S a  chapter  in  the  Bible,  when 

E and  a  relation  came  in.     We  went  to  my  own  room, 

and  there  we  had  much  comfortable  and  godly  conversation, 
in  the  view  of  seeing  each  other  no  more,  I  read  2  Tim,  ii, 
and  iv.  and  prayed  ;  but  when  I  was  alone,  the  fatigues  and 
distractions  of  the  day  left  me  little  disposed  to  enter  into 
my  own  heart.  After  dinner  to-day  at  Mr.  Gordon's  an 
American  speaking  in  a  very  light  manner  of  the  sin  of 
drunkenness,  I  thought  it  right  to  reprove  him  :  I  was  sur- 
prised to  see  how,  with  all  his  ill  humor,  he  was  silenced  : 
soon  after,  when  he  happened  to  make  the  common  remark, 
of  all  sincere  people  being  equally  good,  and  was  seconded 
by  Mr.  G.,  I  combated  them,  and  in  the  hearing  of  the  whole 
party,  defended  the  truth  of  God  to  a  certain  degree. 

Oct.  3.  Our  troops  have  received  sixty  rounds  of  ball  cart- 
ridge, and  have  this  day  been  paraded,  in  consequence  of 
which  they  had  not  time  for  reading.  Poor  souls,  now  that 
they  are  to  take  the  field  while  I  am  with  them,  how  anxious- 
ly should  I  watch  over  them  !  I  said  to  Captian  S as  we 

were  walking,  without  any  preamble,  What  godly  men  you 
soldiers  ought  to  be,  who  may  be  so  suddenly  called  upon  to 
give  up  your  account  !  He  said  with  a  smile,  he  did  not 
know  he  had  any  reason  to  be  afraid ;  I  tried  to  convince 
him  of  his  error ;  but  he  seemed  wrapt  in  self-confidence. 
Passed  a  good  part  of  the  morning  in  reading  Psalms  and 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  2    9 

Isaiah,  and  often  parts  of  Scripture,  in  order  to  recover  from 
the  great  distraction  occasioned  by  this  visit  to  Madeira.  My 
mind  was  in  general  at  peace.  Assailed  by  questions  and 
conjectures  about  our  destination  ;  but  I  somewhat  succeeded 
in  having  my  thoughts  on  the  better  country,  where  there 
would  be  no  more  war  or  bloodshed.  The  weakness  of  my 
body  was  dejecting  to  me  for  a  time,  lest  I  should  never  be 
of  any  service  in  India  ;  but  peace  was  restored  to  my  soul, 
by  the  sweet  consideration,  that  all  was  at  the  disposal  of  the 
Lord. 

Oct.  4.  In  the  afternoon,  had  a  greater  number  than 
usual  below :  it  was  more  than  usually  profitable.  I  ad- 
dressed them  on  the  subject  of  their  being  soon  to  be  called 
to  the  field.  Sat  among  the  Lascars,  who  were  upon  watch  : 
I  get  to  be  better  understood  by  them,  but  cannot  yet  follow 
them.  I  think  with  delight  upon  the  day,  when  I  shall  be 
able  to  speak  fluently  to  these  poor  creatures  the  precious 
truths  of  eternal  life. 

Oct.  5.  Communion  with  God  in  prayer ;  little  about  the 
ministry  and  mission,  rather  in  reference  to  my  own  sanctifica- 
tion  and  expectation,  that  I  might  live  uninfluenced  by  out- 
ward things.  I  succeeded  in  maintaining  for  a  time  a  spirit 
elevated  above  the  visible  scene ;  how  happy  is  it,  that  God 
has  made  that  a  precept,  the  ftdfillment  of  which  is  my  high- 
est joy:  "Set  your  affections  on  things  above,  not  on  things 
on  the  earth!"  My  soul,  what  hast  thou  to  do  here?  as 
thou  hast  bid  adieu  to  thy  friends,  and  to  the  pleasantest 
things  of  this  life,  so  shalt  thou  ere  long  quit  this  mortal 
scene  altogether,  without  mixing  any  more  with  the  pleasant 
things  of  this  world.  Col.  iii.  which  I  had  been  reading, 
aff'orded  me  much  useful  meditation  during  my  walk.  I 
thought  in  my  prayer,  that  the  Lord  had  given  me  learning, 
or  the  reputation  of  it  at  least  among  men  ;  but  how  much 
•better  did  the  possession  of  simplicity  appear;  I  could  have 
11* 


250  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

"willino-ly  foi'ofotten  all  I  had  ever  read  or  learned,  to  be  a 
man  of  the  ancient  primitive  simplicity.  Lord,  give  me  the 
spirit  of  a  true  missionary,  his  lowliness,  his  patience,  his  love. 
Oct.  6.  (Smiday.)  Preached  on  John  iv.  10.  The  want 
of  attention  in  those  present,  and  the  faults  of  m}^  manner, 
which  McK.  pointed  out,  produced  much  dejection  ;  but  I 
endeavored  to  check  the  usual  train  of  desponding  thoughts, 
such  as  that  I  should  never  be  of  an}^  use  as  a  public  preach- 
er, that  I  was  only  lit  to  be  a  bookworm,  &c.,  by  considering 
that  it  was  a  sufficient  privilege  to  me,  to  be  permitted  to 
have  the  gospel  at  all  entrusted  to  me.  In  a  conversation 
with  Mrs.  0.  to-day,  I  was  much  comforted  ;  she  spoke  but 
little,  and  that  was  so  much  to  the  purpose,  that  I  was  high- 
ly delighted  ;  I  endeavored  to  consider  with  her,  to  what 
dangeis  she  Avould  be  most  exposed.  I  supposed  that  the 
cares  of  this  world,  and  the  deceitfulness  of  riches,  would  be 
most  likely  to  choke  the  word ;  but  she  was,  like  Peter,  very 
certain  this  would  not  induce  her  to  go  back.  In  the  after- 
noon I  was  grieved  beyond  measure,  at  seeing  the  Sabbath 
so  profaned  ;  the  passengers  were  reading  all  manner  of 
books ;  two,  whom  I  knew,  I  reproved,  and  they  laid  them 
aside;  I  went  below  in  hopes  of  reading  Baxter;  but  there 
was  no  one  there,  as  I  have  found  to  be  the  case  every  Sun- 
day. After  remaining  some  time  in  conversation  with  one 
or  two,  I  retired  in  great  darkness,  to  bemoan  my  own  dead- 
ness,  and  that  of  the  people,  before  God,  and  found  my  soul 
w^onderfully  revived  and  encouraged.  I  found  it  in  my  heart 
to  pray  fervently  for  dear  Christian  friends,  who,  I  hoped, 
were  praying  for  me  ;  and  it  was  a  delightful  consideration, 
that  on  this  day,  the  cause  of  God  and  my  concerns  would 
generally  go  hand  in  hand  with  my  praying  friends.  After 
tea  McK  coming  in,  I  read  Milncr  and  some  hymns ;  mj^  soul 
all  the  time  being  full  of  joy,  and  a  cheerfulness  which  put 
me  on  my  guard. 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  251 

Oct.  V.  In  learning  the  three  last  chapters  of  Ephesians, 
I  was  much  blessed.  I  was  persuaded  that  the  prohibition 
of  foolish  talking,  and  jesting,  was  httle  attended  to  by 
modern  Christians,  and  especially  by  myself;  a  saint  w^io, 
like  the  primitive  Christians,  speaketh  the  truth  in  love,  i.  e. 
who  enjoys  a  serious  and  happy  frame,  as  every  one  ought, 
is  little  disposed  to  trifle ;  I  endeavored  to  keep  this  in  view 
through  the  day,  and  how  often  did  it  recur  as  a  check  !  In 
the  evening,  the  devil  laid  a  snare  for  me  I  think,  which 
threatened  to  drown  my  soul  in  perdition  ;  the  Lord  save  me, 
and  keep  my  feet  from  being  taken !  oh  may  I  Avith  trem- 
bling aw^e  cry  to  him  for  help  !  "  Lead  me  not  into  tempta- 
tion, but  deliver  me  from  evil."  I  humbly  trust  the  issue 
will  be  for  the  benefit  of  my  soul. 

Oct.  8.  I  determined  to  give  up  some  time  to  the  compo- 
sition of  sermons,  a  duty  which,  I  fear,  from  sloth,  I  have 
much  neglected.  In  the  afternoon,  prayed  as  usual  for  the 
spirit  of  a  minister  and  missionary,  and  went  below,  read 
Pilo-rim's  Proo-ress,  and  conversed  with  the  men  about  teach- 
ing  some  of  them  to  read  and  to  sing.  They  seemed  to  be 
very  well  pleased  with  the  idea  of  singing.  After  tea,  walked 

upon  deck  with  Captain  and  Mr.  S .     I  talked  to  them 

of  the  popular  parts  of  astronomy,  endeavoring  to  lead  it  to 
a  profitable  purpose.  In  my  cabin  had  a  blessed  time  of 
prayer ;  my  soul  succeeded  in  a  measure  in  its  struggles  to 
get  away  from  things  of  sense.  Oh,  would  to  God  I  could 
live  always  with  Christ !  What  is  it  which  bewitches  me  to 
be  governed  by  such  trifles,  so  that  so  much  of  my  mind  is 
given  to  things  about  which  I  care  nothing,  and  so  little  to 
God,  whose  lovino^  kindness  is  better  than  life  ? 

Oct.  9.  In  the  afternoon  talked  to  a  sick  man  in  his  ham- 
mock. I  observed  two  or  three  quietly  drawing  near,  and 
sitting  on  the  ground  to  hear.  I  really  think  there  is  a 
spirit  of  inquiry  among  the  poor  men.     Read  Baxter  at  the 


252  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

usual  place.  There  was  more  serious  attention  and  greater 
numbers  than  I  have  yet  seen.  In  the  evening  drew  near  to 
God  in  prayer.  Oh  how  I  wish  I  could  view  outward  things 
with  a  strange  and  forgetful  eye,  and  neither  think  nor  say 
anything  but  in  seriousness  and  love !  I  felt  more  ardor, 
and  zeal,  and  desire  to  spend  and  be  spent  for  God,  after 
this  afternoon's  ministrations  among  the  men.  When  a  branch 
bringeth  forth  fruit,  the  Father  purgeth  it,  that  it  may  bring 
forth  more  fruit.  But  I  am  at  best  a  poor  languid  creature. 
Sometimes  solemn,  but  scarcely  ever  lively.  By  reading  the 
sermons  preached  before  the  Missionary  Society,  I  was  much 
refreshed  to-day.  The  interest  so  many  dear  and  honored 
saints  are  taking  in  my  work,  and  especially  the  accounts  of 
so  many -Missionaries  lately  gone  to  Tranquebar,  Surat,  nud 
the  Cape,  whom  I  had  some  hopes  of  seeing,  quite  gladdened 
my  heart ;  I  was  disposed  to  bless  God  for  the  honor  he 
had  put  on  one  so  unworthy. 

Oct.  10.  Mr.  S.  took  up  much  of  my  time  by  coming  to 
learn  French.  By  prayer  before  and  after  dinner,  and  watch- 
fulness during  it,  I  went  to  the  men  below  in  a  serious 
frame  ;  read  Pilgrim's  Progress ;  just  as  1  was  beginning 
Baxter,  we  were  interrupted.  On  deck  had  some  conver- 
sation with  one  of  the  sergeants,  who  said  with  some  emotion, 
that  many  of  the  men  were  the  better  for  my  coming  among 
them ;  and  that  for  himself  he  had  been  brought  up  in  this 
persuasion,  and  now  things  that  he  had  almost  forgotten  were 
brought  to  his  mind.  At  night,  got  below,  without  being 
observed,  and  with  some  Madeira  and  water  for  two  of  the 
sick  men  ;  but  could  not  read  to  them,  as  they  are  allowed 
no  light.  My  soul  was  very  serious  after  this,  in  reflecting 
on  the  hardships  of  most  men.  What  reason  I  have  to  be 
thankful  myself!  I  had,  I  thought,  no  wish,  save  to  be  as  a 
light  burning  out  for  God  ;  I  could  rejoice  to  waste  away 
the  body  in  laboring  and   preaching  all  the  day  long.     Let 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN,  258 

me  say  now,  as  in  the  morning,  "  Why  is  his  chariot  so  lories 
in  coming?  why  tarry  the  wheels  of  liis  chariot?"  Then 
eternal  seriousness  shall  pervade  my  soul,  and  I  shall  join  his 
perfect  creatures  in  fulfilling  the  will  of  the  Most  High. 

Oct.  11.  Many  an  animating  thought  was  infused  into  my 
heart  to-day.  Read  Hindoostanee  most  of  the  morning 
without  gaining  any  increase  to  my  knowledge.  My  temper 
was  rafther  tried  by  it,  but  I  was  restored  to  peace  and 
dependence  upon  God  for  assistance  in  this  study  by  prayer. 
In  the  evening,   my  soul   rose  delighted  to  be   employed. 

Walking  a  little  on  deck  at  night,  found  Corporal  B ,  on 

watch.  He  was  quite  revived,  and  I  talked  with  him  a  good 
deal  on  divine  things.  But  of  the  glory  of  heaven,  and  the 
nearness  of  it,  which  is  my  present  joy  to  think  of,  I  can  get 
no  one  to  speak.  My  mind  is  now  generally  very  cheerful. 
I  believe  that  many  of  my  former  happy  times  in  England 
were  produced,  or  at  least  heightened,  by  the  presence  of 
external  aids,  as  of  beloved  saints,  ordinances,  &c.  My  chief 
pleasure  now  is,  I  hope,  more  independent.  I  wish  to  be 
always  with  God,  and  to  look  forward  to  the  finishing  of  my 
work,  and  entering  into  rest, 

Oct.  12.  After  wasting  a  great  deal  of  time  in  a  careless 
perusal  of  Holy  Scripture,  I  felt  very  unhappy,  but  by  prayer 
was  excited  again  to  peace  and  seriousness. 

Oct.  13.  (Sunday.)  Service  before  dinner;  endeavored 
to  have  my  soul  fixed  on  divine  things,  in  seriousness,  and 
deep  conviction  of  the  awful  responsibility  to  God.  Preached 
on  Rom.  vii.  18.  Read  Baxter's  Call  to  the  men,  and  found 
some  parts  so  affecting,  that  I  warmed  them  even  with  tears. 
In  the  evening,  had  a  long  season  of  communion  with  God, 
through  his  mercy.  Prayed  chiefly  for  the  increase  of  my 
soul  in  grace,  particularly  in  love  and  zeal.  Oh  the  difference 
when  God  is  present,  and  when  not !  The  time  passed  hap- 
pily ;   I  seemed  to  fear  no  interruption ;    it  was  not  witb 


254  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

difficulty  that  I  beheld  his  glory,  as  in  general ;  but  he  was 
nigh  me  ;  it  was  pleasant  and  easy  to  pray,  and  I  did  it  for 
all  the  ministers  and  brethren  in  England,  for  the  heathen 
world,  and  India  in  particular.  Bless  the  Lord,  0  my  soul, 
for  all  the  benefits  he  hath  done  unto  me.  Farewell,  wicked 
world  !  from  henceforth  is  it  my  desire  to  labor  for  Christ, 
and  then  to  die. 

Oct.  14.  Alas,  my  days  so  few,  my  work  so  great,  and 
my  account  so  woful,  what  ails  me  that  I  sleep  ?  much  time 
passed  away  this  morning  in  reading  and  prayer,  but  want  of 
energy  wasteth  time.  I  felt  thankful  for  1  Cor.  xiii.,  that 
God  had  given  su(;h  a  beautiful  picture  of  Christian  temper. 
My  attention  was  taken  up  with  things  which  did  not  belong 
to  me ;  prayer  however  delivered  me  from  the  pain  which  a 
succession  of  merely  earthly  thoughts  always  produces. 

Oct.  15.  Spent  much  time  with  Major  D.  and  McK. 
separately  ;  endeavoring  to  mediate  and  produce  a  reconcilia- 
tion. Below,  we  sung  hymns,  and  I  read  Baxter's  Call.  I 
felt  pressed  in  spirit  to  speak  to  them  the  word  of  God.  My 
usual  deadness  seemed  to  have  vanished ;  I  could  have 
])oured  away  my  life  to  persuade  tlieni  to  return.  McK. 
came  down  while  we  sang,  and  was  ridiculed  and  bantered 
by  them  all  on  his  coming  up.  In  the  evening  at  pi-ayer,  my 
soul  panted  after  God,  and  cried  fervently  for  a  short  time, 
after  a  perfect  conformity  to  the  holy  nature  of  Jesus  Christ. 
O  that  I  may  be  kept  faithful  a  few  years  longer,  and  I  shall 
be  out  of  danger  !  "  In  my  Father's  house  are  many  man- 
sions." 

Oct.  16.  John  xv.  convinced  me,  how  little  or  nothing  I 
know  of  abiding  in  Christ.  "  So  shall  ye  bring  forth  inuch 
fruit."  In  prayer  after  tea,  I  was  led  to  cry  for  sincerity  and 
openness  of  heart  before  God.  I  felt  that  I  am  apt  to  be 
satisfied  with  a  few  religious  afi'ections,  excited  by  a  sense  of 
the  shortness  of  time,  &c.,  but  that  I  really  enjoy  little  of 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  255 

actual  and  spirtual  communion  with  God  in  Christ.  The 
thojight  of  death  and  the  resurrection  is  very  sweet  to  me. 
My  chief  concern  now  seems  to  be,  to  wait  patiently  for  it, 
and  to  beware  of  distrusting  God's  promises  concerning  it. 
The  first  Christians  thought  much  of  this,  because  they  had 
httle  prospect  of  a  comfortable  stay  in  this  world.  So  now 
that  I  neither  enjoy  the  company  I  like,  nor  have  the  expec- 
tation of  ever  doing  so,  all  my  expectations  are  led  on  more 
naturally  to  the  delights  of  another  world. 

Oct.  17.  a  conversation  at  dinner  respecting  the  Indians, 
roused  more  than  ever  my  desire  to  go  amongst  them.  In 
the  evening  was  blessed  in  prayer,  by  being  assisted  to  lay 
my  heart  open  before  God.  The  Lord  only  knows  what  a 
poor  cold  creature  I  am,  and  how  miserably  I  mis- spend  my 
time.     Oh  that  I  may  walk  more  in  the  fear  of  God  ! 

Oct.  18.  Had  a  lono- and  earnest  conversation  this  morninfr 

o  o 

with  Major  D ,  on  the  subject  of  our  acceptance  with 

God.  He  is  a  candid  self-righteous  man.  1  left  off  with 
begging  him  to  read  Rom.  iii.  with  prayer.  I  had  a  great 
boldness  also,  in  telling  Captain  0.  of  his  sins.  Read  Milner  ; 
was  filled  with  shame  at  night  in  reflecting  on  my  unpi'ofit- 
ableness,  and  on  the  carelessness  of  my  Avalk  before  God. 
Oh,  let  the  mercy  of  God  spare  me  yet  longer,  that  I  may 
never  dare  any  more  to  serve  God,  but  with  reverence  and 
godly  fear ! 

Oct.  ]  9.  Resumed  the  conversation  with  Major  D on 

the  same  subject ;  he  had  been  reading  Romans  iii.,  but  could 
not  understand  it.  Read  Milner  and  Dow ;  my  heart  was 
departing  from  God,  but  prayer  revived  my  soul.  Found  my 
spirit  breathing  after  God  in  the  evening  at  prayer,  and  hoped 
I  should  really  be  able  to  keep  my  eyes  always  on  Jesus ; 
that  I  should  be  able  to  labor  henceforth  with  utter  uncon- 
cern about  human  opinions,  and  with  simple  reference  to  the 
will  and  pleasure  of  Jesus  Christ.     I  thought  at  night  of 


256  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

various  scenes  of  pleasure,  such  as  living  in  a  useful  sphere, 
in  a  beautiful  country,  united  to  Lydia ;  but  I  could  see  no 
pleasure  at  all  in  it.  How  is  the  chain  broken  !  It  seems  to 
me  as  if  no  one  thing  could  ever  more  give  me  pleasure,  but 
something  in  connection  with  the  eternal  world.  Show  me 
somethino-  that  will  brino^  me  to  God,  or  God  to  me,  and  I  am 
satisfied.  The  world  without  this  is  all  nothing, .  Oh,  my 
soul,  why  not  live  thus  in  heaven,  according  to  thy  duty  and 
privilege  ? 

Oct.  20.  (Sunday.)  Endeavored  to  launch  away  into  eter- 
nity, so  as  to  feel  above  and  beyond  all  concern  about  men, 
excepting  their  souls.  Preached  on  Rom.  viii.  V.  In  the 
evening  had  my  soul  fixed  in  a  measure  in  prayer,  and  inter- 
cession for. missionaries.  McK.  told  me  of  the  same  defects 
of  manner,  of  which  I  have  often  heard,  induced,  as  he  said, 
by  wliat  they  said  to  him  about  me.  "  Martyn  is  a  good 
scholar,  but  not  much  of  an  orator."  McK.  said  it  was  a 
want  of  easy  flow,  arising,  as  he  thought,  from  a  want  of 
confidence  in  my  own  abihties.  This  reminded  me  of  Mr. 
Cecil's  observations  ;  I  w^as  rather  dispirited  by  it,  as  I  hardly 
know  how  to  remedy  it ;  and  if  it  be  not  remedied,  I  am 
afraid  I  shall  make  but  a  dull  preacher  to  Indians.  "  But  not 
by  power,  nor  by  might,  but  by  my  Spirit." 

Oct.  21.  If  there  be  anything  I  do,  if  there  be  anything 
I  leave  undone,  let  me  be  perfect  in  prayer.  So  I  thouglit 
in  the  morning.  In  prayer  I  was  fervent  at  times,  but  with- 
out a  spirit  of  deep  humiliation  I  am  never  happy.  The  cap- 
tain of  the  Botany-men  came  on  board  to-day  ;  I  thought  of 
the  opportunity  of  getting  some  Testaments  aboard,  but  tlie 
fear  of  man  prevented  my  asking  him  to  take  books.  How- 
ever, my  conscience  gave  me  no  trouble  when  he  left  the  ship. 
Now  only,  when  I  write  the  events  of  the  day,  do  I  see  the 
matter  in  its  true  light.  I  am  so  grieved,  that  I  would  give 
almost  anything  to  get  them  on  board  the  Pitt,     Before  tea, 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  257 

on  the  poop,  I  was  sitting  with  the  cadets,  looking  at  the 
lightning ;  I  said  a  little  about  having  such  a  God  for  an 
enemy ;  but  somehow  I  feel  afraid  of  speaking  frequentl}^  to 
them,  for  fear  of  surfeiting  them.  McK.  sat  with  me  at 
night ;  a  squall  coming  on,  and  producing  great  noise  on  deck, 
our  conversation  turned  upon  death.  1  could  have  wept  for 
the  state  of  the  poor  unprepared  souls  in  the  ship ;  at  night 
I  was  led  to  consider  what  on  my  death-bed  would  be  my 
retrospective  views.  If  I  should  look  back  and  see  a  life  of 
eminent  strictness,  should  I  lament  anything,  but  that  it  was 
not  more  strict  ? — and  yet  my  flesh  sinks  from  fasting  and 
long  prayer.  But  oh  world,  flesh,  and  Devil,  I  have  declared 
war  against  you  all !  my  single  inquiry  should  now  be,  through 
grace,  what  is  the  Lord's  will  ?  Thus,  Christ  strengthening 
me,  I  shall  triumph  in  faith.  My  heart  is  distressed  at  the 
tliought  of  my  unfitness  for  public  preaching;  but  through 
Christ's  grace  I  shall  be  taught  to  be  content  with  such  gifts 
as  I  possess,  and  improve  them  without  asking  any  more. 

Oct.  23.  Very  unhappy  through  not  being  able  to  trust 
God  for  assistance  in  the  ministerial  work.  My  soul  was 
somewhat  eased  by  casting  my  burden  on  the  Lord.  In 
prayer  in  the  evening  I  felt  a  blessed  resignation  to  God,  and 
a  desire  to  forget,  and  be  forgotten,  by  all  the  world  for  him. 
Wished  that  if  I  should  hereafter  become  a  more  public  cha- 
racter, I  might  hear  the  praises  of  men  without  a  smile,  and 
their  censures  without  a  sigh,  and  go  on  with  perfect  disre- 
gard, withdrawn  from  the  world,  looking  in  secret  to  the 
judgment  of  the  great  day,  when  the  secrets  of  the  heart 
shall  be  manifest.  Oh  that  the  deepest  seriousness  were  un- 
interrupted in  all  my  conversation ! 

Oct.  24.  Much  dejected  the  whole  da}^,  through  mistrust 
of  the  promised  grace  of  God  to  assist  me  in  the  ministerial 
work.  I  am  disposed  to  fret  that  I  have  no  time  for  such 
necessary  study  as  learning  the  Hindoostanee  ;  I  turned  again 


258  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

and  again,  till  my  mind  was  quite  tired.  I  found  my  little 
flock  collected,  and  none  others  present,  or  not  very  near. 
They  were  four,  and  I  addressed  a  word  of  exhortation  and 
encouragement  to  each,  and  afterwards  in  the  evening  had 
much  comfort  in  prayer  for  them.  One  of  them  asked  me 
to  explain  the  verse,  "  for  every  idle  word,"  which  I  did  in 
the  strictest  sense,  according  to  corresponding  passages  in 
Ephesians.  Oh  may  I  henceforth  be  very  careful  to  set  them 
an  example  of  such  godly  conversation ! 

Oct.  27.  Rose  in  tolerable  tranquillity,  feeling  a  carnal  con- 
fidence in  the  preparation  I  had  made.  Till  service,  spent 
much  of  that  time  which  had  better  have  been  spent  in  prayer, 
in  considering  the  subject  still  more.  But  with  all  my  anxiety 
and  precaution,  I  had  no  greater  fluency  than  before.  The 
subject  was  Matt.  xi.  28,  to  which  the  soldiers  paid  little  at- 
tention ;  they  seldom  indeed  do,  to  anything  encouraging. 
Went  among  them  on  the  forecastle  afterwards,  and  was 
shocked  as  usual  with  their  horrid  blasphemies.  I  have  spoken 
to  them  about  sweai-ing  in  such  a  variety  of  ways,  that  I  am 
at  a  loss  to  know  what  to  say  to  them.  One  man  looked  with 
the  utmost  arrogance  and  disdain,  as  if  wondering  I  should 
call  him  to  account :  their  blind  and  headlong  course  of  wick- 
edness makes  me  think  often  of  the  words,  "  Led  captive  by 
him  at  his  will."  Belol,  a  young  Lascar  from  Surat,  seemed 
to  watch  me  with  such  kindness  and  attention  in  his  counte- 
nance, while  I  was  talking  to  the  men,  that  I  thought  of  the 
words,  ''  had  I  sent  thee  to  them,  people  of  a  strange  speech, 
they  would  have  heaikened  to  thee."  These  Mussulmen  seem 
to  be  quite  delighted,  if  I  will  but  try  to  speak  to  them  ;  and 
they  seem  eager  to  help  me  out.  Was  kept  from  prayer  be- 
fore dinner  by  McK.  continuing  in  my  cabin.  Want  of  more 
prayer  left  me  extremely  light. 

Oct.  28.  Rose  with  somewhat  of  the  same  impression  on 
my  mind,  as  that  in  which  I  had  retired  last  night,  of  the  ne- 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  259 

cessity  of  stirring  myself  up  to  activity  in  Christ's  service, 
instead  of  being  carried  on  in  the  dull  routine  of  studies. 
At  the  beginning  of  my  voyage,  when  my  soul  was  sinking 
in  the  deep  waters  of  troubles,  my  only  relief  was  to  fly  to 
the  bosom  of  God ;  but  now  that  everything  is  more  com- 
fortable without  and  within,  I  ungratefully  think  of  the  time 
for  prayer  without  pleasure.  0  Lord  !  who  hast  borne  with 
thy  miserable  creature  so  long,  "  create  in  me  a  clean  heart, 
and  renew  a  right  spirit  within  me."  The  chief  point  to 
which  the  Spirit  of  God  awakened  my  attention,  was  prayer. 
I  am  not  a  man  of  prayer ;  I  think  I  have  something  else  to 
do  besides  pray.  How  many  hundreds  of  millions  of  souls 
lying  in  heathen  darkness  there  are — how  many  millions  of 
heathen  souls  professing  Christ — how  few  who  preach  the 
truth  as  it  is  in  Jesus — how  few  among  them  are  willing  to 
go  out  to  visit  the  deserts  of  paganisrri  ;  and  even  of  those 
few  who  are  "  thiust  out,"*  here  is  one  who  will  not  take 
the  ti-ouble  to  pray.  Where  then  shall  poor  dying  souls  find 
an  advocate  ?  My  soul  cried  out  for  a  spirit  of  prayer  and 
supplication  in  behalf  of  the  church ;  but  I  know  by  con- 
tinual experience,  that  I  shall  not  only  flag,  but  forget  alto- 
gether my  present  resolutions,  if  the  Lord  do  not  quicken  my 
slumbering  conscience.  But  adieu!  folly  and  sloth,  I  will 
be,  through  grace,  the  servant  of  Christ ;  and  the  little  I 
can  do  for  India,  I  will,  which  is  praying  for  it.  The  rest  of 
the  evening  my  soul  had  more  of  the  fear  of  God  before  its 
eyes.  McK.  afterwards  came  in,  and  by  mere  worldly  con- 
versation I  grew  cold  and  languid. 

Oct,  29.  A  day  no  better  than  the  former  ;  notwithstand- 
ing the  recollections  with  which  I  rose  in  the  morning,  con- 
cerning what  ought  to  be  the  manner  of  my  life.  The  morn- 
ing was  frittered  away  by  reading  Flavel,  in  reference  to  the 
subject  on  which  I  meant  to  write.  Another  thing  which 
*  Vid.  Matt.  ix.  38.    Luke  x.  2. 


200  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

always  injures  my  spirit,  Vvithout  great  caution,  was  some 
astronomical  calculations  for  finding  the  longitude  by  a  lunar 
observation.     At  nio'bt,  as  I  was  beo-innins^,  after  some  liveli- 

ness   in  prayer,  to  prosecute  my  work  with  vigor,  M 

came  in,  and  the  rest  of  the  evenino^  might  be  called  lost. 
But  oh !  what  a  weak  creature  I  am,  to  be  thus  the  sport  of 
every  trifling  distraction,  particularly  when  God  and  his  glo- 
ries invite  and  command  my  diligence  !  God  put  his  fear 
into  my  heart,  that  I  may  be  more  watchful  and  spiritual ! 

Oct.  30.  This  morning  about  six  o'clock  we  crossed  the 
line.  My  soul  kept  near  to  God  for  the  first  part  of  the 
morning,  but  the  finishing  of  the  calculations  again  left  me 
dissatisfied  at  not  having  gone  forward  in  my  proper  work. 
But  in  the  evening,  God  restored  me  to  considerable  peace, 
by  enabling  me  to  open  my  heart  before  him,  and  to  write 
on  my  subject.  0  that  I  could  begin  everything  with  God, 
prosecute  it  in  the  presence  of  God,  and  then  after  the  con- 
clusion return  far  from  men,  to  be  in  secret  with  my  God  ! 

Oct.  31.  Was  much  delighted  with  a  young  Lascar  called 
Belol,  who  spoke  so  slowly  and  distinctly  for  my  sake,  that 
I  could  understand  him  pretty  well.  On  asking  him  how  he 
liked  one  of  the  midshipmen,  who  is  generally  disliked,  he 
said,  "  when  he  tells  me  to  go  aloft  I  go,  when  he  tells  me  to 
go  down,  I  go — to  do  that,  I  do  it — he  is  my  officer  ;  he  is  a 
white  man,  and  I  a  black — is  not  that  right.  Sir  ?"  I  was  on 
the  whole  much  charmed  with  this  graceful,  active,  and 
amiable  Mussulman.  O  what  would  I  have  given  to  have 
seen  him  a  Christian !  My  heart  burned  with  desire  to  im- 
part the  gospel  of  God  to  him  ! 

Nov.  1.  An  awful  and  affecting  day.  About  break  of  day 
signals  of  distress  were  fired,  and  a  ship  was  observed 
aground  near  some  breakers.  We  bore  away,  but  the  frigate 
stood  towards  her.  About  this  time  several  pieces  of  wreck 
floated  by  us,  a  chest  of  drawers,  barrels,  boards,  (fee.    I  saw 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  261 

a  cabin  door  witli  the  glass  window  in  it  pass  by  us.  One  of 
the  frigate's  boats  then  came  alongside  (i.  e.)  within  hail,  in 
her  way  to  the  island,  for  the  ships  were  afraid  to  come  very 
near,  and  told  us  it  was  the  King  George  transport  that  was 
lost ;  but  that  only  three  officers  were  lost  out  of  the  whole. 
McK.  coming  in  at  night,  said  that  he  had  just  heard  from  the 
mate  that  our  own  escape  was  almost  miraculous,  for  if  the 
second  mate,  who  was  on  watch  from  twelve  to  four,  had  not 
called  up  the  captain  and  first  mate,  we  should  have  been 
ashore,  for  we  were  very  near,  and  the  reef  lay  exactly  across 
our  track.  The  interest  excited  by  the  whole  tilmsaction 
through  the  ship  was  remarkable,  and  my  anxiety  about  the 
sufferers  engrossed  most  of  my  thoughts.  Circumstances 
added  solemnity  to  my  prayers  to-day,  but  the  power  of  God, 
and  the  approach  of  death,  kept  me  back  from  God,  till  my 
soul  found  its  encouragement  in  the  promises  of  grace.  In 
Christ  I  feel  safe,  for  I  know  that  all  things  are  mine,  whether 
life  or  death. 

Nov.  3.  (Sunday.)  My  subject  was  John  iii.  14,  15.  I 
had  some  time  for  reading  and  prayer  afterwards,  but  I  found 
it  hard  to  pray.  However,  I  strove  to  keep  nigh  to  God  by 
repeating  Scripture  in  my  walk.  The  captain  said  we  must 
have  passed  the  same  island,  the  fatal  Ronas,  last  night, 
within  a  mile  of  it ;  and  yet,  though  we  had  been  looking 
out  in  every  direction,  we  did  not  see  it.  Thus  we  may  be 
well  said  to  be  walking  in  the  *'  valley  of  the  shadow  of 
death  ;"  but  "  I  fear  no  evil ;  thy  rod  and  thy  staff  will  com- 
foi-t  me  ;"  but  oh  !  that  my  conversation  may  be  in  heaven, 
where,  if  I  die,  I  hope  to  be  !  With  what  a  spirit  ought  I  to 
preach  and  they  to  hear,  when  every  instant  the  ship  may 
strike  on  a  sand- bank  !  This  afternoon  sang,  and  read  Bax- 
ter's Call ;  it  was  a  very  affecting  part,  and  the  number  of 
hearers  much  greater,  so  that  I  was  wilhng  to  believe  that 
good  was  doing.     I  was  wondering  at  myself  why  I  did  not 


262        •  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

rejoice  more,  at  thus  having  the  songs  of  Zion  sung,  and  the 
Word  of  God  preached  to  as  many  as  would  come.  I  can 
ascribe  it  only  to  this,  that  in  England,  I  scarcely  ever  had 
joy  from  God  alone  ;  there  are  so  many  assistants  to  joy  in 
the  society  of  those  we  love,  that  it  is  comparatively  easy  to 
be  happy  ;  and  we  are  ready,  (at  least  I  was,)  to  account  it 
all  love  of  God,  shed  abroad  in  the  heart  by  the  Holy  Ghost ; 
but  I  now  find  that  true  joy  in  God,  independent  of  all 
worldly  adjuncts,  is  what  I  am  little  acquainted  with. 

'Nov.  4.  Had  very  painful  convictions  of  my  deadness 
and  unbelief;  sometimes  prayer  had  so  little  effect  on  my 
mind,  that  I  almost  despaired  of  ever  being  of  any  use  in  the 
world.  I  should  scarcely  be  acknowledged  among  the  pious 
Christians  as  anything  but  a  philosophical  dabbler  in  religion  : 
I  am  far  too  proud,  instead  of  hanging  as  a  child  on  ks  mother's 
breast ;  I  can  pass  my  time  far  to  pleasingly  and  continually 
with  my  books,  and  in  pleasures  of  intellect  and  speculations, 
instead  of  living  only  upon  God.  The  coast  of  South  America 
came  in  view  this  morning  ;  b}^  prayer  before  and  after  din- 
ner, I  began  to  enjoy  more  comfort  in  my  thoughts. 

Nov.  5.  The  reflection  that  my  direct  and  proper  business 
w^as  to  be  a  man  of  prayer,  encouraged  me  to  pra}^  On  the 
poop,  the  number  of  hearers  was  three  or  four  times  as  man}^, 
and  as  the  gun-deck  above  was  clear,  some  of  the  cadets  and 
midshipmen  heard.  It  is  the  singing,  I  believe,  that  attracts 
them.  There  was  a  solemn  attention  to  Baxter;  two  of  the 
seamen  came,  which  were  the  first  I  had  seen.  These  things 
would  make  my  heart  overflow  with  gratitude,  if  I  knew  how 
unworthy  I  was  of  being  listened  to  ;  I  endeavored  to  be  per- 
suaded that  my  proper  portion  every  day  was  extreme  suflfer- 
ing  ;  and  while  these  thoughts  remained,  the  flame  of  thank- 
ful love  broke  out.  The  ministry  in  the  ship  and  mission 
were  the  subject  of  my  thoughts  at  this  time.  At  night  my 
soul  burned  with  zeal ;  but  these,  I  fear,  are  transient  aff"ections. 


1805. J  OF    THE    REY.    HENRY    MARTYN.  263 

Nov.  6,  A  day  passed  more  with  God  than  any  for  a  long 
time  past.  The  prevaihng  reflection  of  my  mind  was  this, 
that  the  whole  of  the  proper  business  of  my  life  was  prayer. 
I  might  write  sermons,  or  read  the  language  ;  but  interces- 
sion for  the  interests  of  the  church  was  my  direct  and  pro- 
per occupation,  as  a  missionary.  This  thought  in  my  mind 
served  as  a  constant  check  to  carnality,  and  my  soul  rejoiced 
in  God.  To  plead  with  God  for  a  more  meek  submission  to 
his  holy  will,  and  for  profound  liumility  and  resignation,  was 
easy  and  delightful,  Avhile  I  felt  these  tempers  in  some  degree 
of  exercise.  Passed  much  of  the  morning  in  Hindoostanee. 
Was  very  much  tired  about  the  middle  of  the  day  ;  but  the 
trial  was  of  short  continuance,  for  I  was  enabled  to  embrace 
by  faith  the  precious  promises,  and  found  instant  deliverance 
from  guilt  and  the  power  of  corruption.  The  cloud  passed 
away,  and  the  sunshine  returned.  With  the  officers  on  deck 
I  had  much  convei'sation  about  drunkenness.  We  were  so 
near  the  shore  of  America,  that  I  could  see  with  a  glass  the 
forests  that  covered  the  Avhole  land,  and  distinjjuished  the 
trees  peculiar  to  the  tropics,  with  a  naked  stem  and  spread- 
ing summit.  The  conversation  after  tea  turning  on  Hume 
and  other  infidels,  I  felt  in  a  most  extraordinary  degree  ex- 
asperated against  their  memory,  and  it  was  some  time  before 
I  could  soothe  the  tumult  by  prayer.  My  soul  glories  in  the 
power  of  Jesus.  "  Why  do  the  heathen  rage  ?"  occurred  to 
my  memory,  as  applying  to  those  enemies  of  Jesus  Christ, 
and  of  the  happiness  of  human  souls  ;  but  the  reign  of  Satan 
and  his  agents  shall  be  short.  ''  I  saw  Satan  like  lightning 
fall  from  heaven."  Began  to-day  to  pray  over  the  passages 
of  Isaiah  that  refer  to  the  spread  of  the  gospel,  and  found 
God  peculiarly  present  to  my  soul. 

Nov.  8.  Had  a  little  more   spirituality   in  prayer,  in  the 
middle  of  the  day,  for  the  church ;  I  trust  the  Lord  will 
enable  me  to  perse \  ere  in  this.     Prayed  m  the  evening  with 
6 


26  i  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

mucli  earnestness.  My  soul  seemed  to  rejoice  in  calling  the 
blessed  God  my  God  in  Christ  forever.  I  rose  free  from  the 
world,  and  appeared  to  speak  freely  to  him  without  inter- 
ruption. From  this  the  great  day  of  judgment  was  brought 
to  my  mind,  with  a  nearness  I  never  before  experienced.  I 
thought  how  ministers  would  be  called  to  be  judged,  one  by 
one,  by  him  who  was  no  respecter  of  persons ;  and  endeav- 
ored to  think  of  all  the  solemn  questions  that  would  be  put 
to  them.  Did  you  "  Avatch  for  souls  ?"  &c.  Oh  may  the 
judgment  of  that  great  day  be  ever  present  to  my  mind  ! 

Nov.  10.  (Sunday.)  My  soul  in  that  wavering  state,  in 
which  it  so  often  is  on  the  Sabbath  morning,  between  anxiety 
and  that  spirituality  so  congenial  to  the  holy  day.  But  it 
was  disquieting  myself  in  vain,  as  on  other  accounts  we  had 
no  seiTice ;  for  soon  after  breakfast,  a  strang-e  sail  bore  in 
sight,  which  the  captain,  from  her  manoeuvres,  took  for  an 
enemy ;  on  which  all  hands  were  ordered  to  their  quarters, 
and  the  ship  cleared,  as  much  as  it  could  be,  for  action. 
However,  soon  after  twelve,  the  ship  bore  away  out  of  sight, 
but  it  was  too  late  for  divine  service.  At  this  I  again  felt  a 
secret  pleasure,  which  gave  a  deep  wound  to  my  peace. 
However,  after  some  time  spent  in  prayer,  I  was  brought, 
through  grace,  to  a  somewhat  different  state.  I  therefore 
went  and  asked  the  mate  when  we  were  to  have  service  ;  he 
said,  not  at  all,  if  the  rain  continued,  which  it  did  all  day. 
The  last  chapter  of  Colossians  was  very  applicable  to  me 
this  day,  especially  those  words,  "  Continue  in  prayer,  and 
watch  in  the  same  with  thanksgiving ;  withal  praying  for  me, 
that  a  door  may  be  opened,  that  I  may  speak  the  mystery 
of  Christ."  Oh  here  was  a  door  opened,  but  I  had  no  heart 
to  use  the  opportunity.  "  Say  to  Archippus,  take  heed  to 
the  ministry,  that  thou  fulfil  it."  I  could  substitute  another 
name  for  Archippus.  After  tea,  had  a  most  vehement  and 
interesting  dispute  with  Captain  0.,  before  a  great  number 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  265 

of  others.  He  endeavored  to  maintain,  that  drunkenness  and 
swearing  had  no  harm  in  them,  and  went  so  far  as  to  say, 
that  great  part  of  the  scripture  was  priestcraft,  and  that  God 
was  to  bhinie  for  giving  him  such  a  nature.  I  pressed  Cap- 
tain 0.  with  scripture  till  he  was  obliged  to  shift  his  ground. 
He  had  nothing  to  say,  to  which  the  Lord  did  not  give  me  a 
ready  answer ;  but  held  that  drunkenness  in  scripture  does 
not  apply  to  occasional  drunkenness,  and  that  the  law  which 
forbade  drunkenness  was  not  made  till  man  had  been  some- 
time in  the  world. 

Nov.  12.  Cried  to  God  for  deliverance  from  that  lively 
interest  about  worldly  things, — such  as  the  new  scenes  I 
visit, — Avith  which  my  soul  is  drawn  away  from  God.  The 
coast  of  America  was  close  to  us,  beautified  with  much  ro- 
mantic scenery.  On  going  ashore,  saw  for  a  long  time  no- 
thing but  negro  slaves,  male  and  female,  very  cheerful  good- 
looking  people.  As  we  stood  on  the  market,  a  great  many 
eyed  me  from  top  to  bottom,  guessing,  I  suppose,  that  I  was 
a  padre.  While  I  waited  for  the  boat  I  sat  in  a  little  shop 
on  the  quay,  kept  by  a  negro.  Here  a  great  number  of  ne- 
groes, men  and  women,  came  about  me,  and  examined  every 
part  of  my  dress,  as  if  they  had  been  uncivilized  savages. 
They  had  not  been  used  to  such  condescension,  I  believe ; 
for  they  stood  round  quite  delighted,  all  endeavoring  to  assist 
me  in  speaking  the  words,  the  radical  parts  of  most  of  which 
I  knew  from  the  Latin.  One  woman  talked  to  me  with  great 
earnestness,  and  asked  repeatedly,  "Are  the  English  bap- 
tized ?"  0  yes,  I  told  her,  and  thought,  "  I  am  one  of  those 
supposed  heretics,  who  has  a  precious  gospel  entrusted  to 
him,  which  he  would  preach  to  you  if  he  could." 

Nov.  17.   (Sunday.)   "There  shall  be  a  handful  of  corn 

in  the  earth,  upon  the  top  of  the  mountains,  the  fruit  thereof 

shall  shake  like  Lebanon,  and  they  of  the  city  shall  flourish 

like  grass  of  the  earth."  Psalm   Ixxii.   16.     This  has  been 

12 


266  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

once  fulfilled.  From  the  gospel  truths  scattered  by  a  few 
fishermen,  saints  have  grown  up  stately  as  the  cedars,  and 
numerous  as  the  blades  of  grass.  We  are  now  but  a  handful 
upon  the  earth ;  when  shall  it  become  a  rich  harvest  of 
souls  !  Preached  on  John  xvi.  S,  not  without  fear,  but  with 
rather  more  tenderness  than  formerly.  In  the  afternoon, 
had  the  usual  service  below,  and  answered  the  objections  of 
a  Roman  Catholic  sergeant.  In  the  evening  had  a  happy 
season  of  prayer.  To  have  God  for  my  God  seemed  to  be 
the  real  possession  of  heaven  on  earth. 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTIN.  267 


CHAPTER    XIII. 

St.  Salvador,  S.  A.,  Nov.  19,  1805. 
My  Deapx,  Sir  : 

Our  stay  at  Madeira  was  so  short,  that  I  was  obhged  to 
defer  writing  to  you,  till  our  arrival  at  the  next  port ;  and 
now  we  have  had  such  sudden  notice  of  the  sailing  of  this 
packet  for  Lisbon,  that  I  shall  not  be  able  to  enlarge  so 
much  as  I  could  wish.  My  health  has  continued  remarkably 
good  ;  upon  the  whole  I  bear  the  heat  as  Avell  as  any  of  the 
passengers.  I  have  walked  here  for  three  hours  together  in 
the  noontide  heat  of  a  vertical  sun,  without  any  sensible  in- 
convenience. My  mind,  through  the  rich  mercy  of  God, 
enjoys  much  of  that  peace  which  Christ  promises  to  his  peo- 
ple— "  Peace  J.  leave  with  you,  my  peace  I  give  unto  you." 
I  seem  to  have  lost  a  good  deal  of  that  saliency  of  spirits, 
which  the  company  of  my  dearest  friends,  and  the  want  of 
offensive  objects  around  me,  used  to  inspire.  Here  I  am, 
and  have  enough  to  break  the  heart  of  any  one,  who  has  a 
concern  for  the  honor  of  God.  I  perceive  it,  therefore,  to  be 
my  business  in  life,  not  to  look  for  enjoyment  in  this  world, 
which  lieth  in  wickedness,  but  to  fulfil  as  an  hireling  my  day, 
struggling  against  Satan,  and  exposed  as  a  sheep  among 
wolves.  God,  however,  has  so  far  had  compassion  on  his 
unworthy  servants  and  the  perishing  souls  in  the  ship,  as  to 
gather  some  of  his  children  from  amongst  us.  There  is  a 
small  party  of  us,  w^ho  meet  every  day  to  sing  and  hear  an 
exposition  of  scripture.     The  rest  are  very  hardened  and  con- 


268  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

temptuous ;  but  I  trust  I  shall  have  grace  to  instruct  in 
meekness  those  who  oppose  themselves.  In  the  meantime, 
my  dear  friend,  you  will  continue  to  put  up  a  prayer  occa- 
sionally for  me  to  the  God  of  our  salvation,  who  is  the  confi- 
dence of  the  ends  of  the  earth,  and  of  them  who  are  afar  off 
upon  the  sea.  It  is  so  long  before  we  are  likely  to  arrive  in 
India,  in  consequence  of  the  Indiamen  being  engaged  in  this 
expedition,  that  I  seldom  think  of  it.  We  have  been  already 
seventeen  or  eighteen  weeks,  and  perhaps  may  be  as  much 
longer.  However,  my  time  passes  very  deliglitfully  in  learn- 
ing the  language,  WTiting  letters,  and  becoming  mare  ac- 
quainted with  scripture.     Major  L gives  me  but  little 

encouragement  to  hope  for  the  conversion  of  the  natives  of 
India.  Being  strangers  themselves  to  the  power  of  God 
over  their  own  hearts,  they  see  only  the  arm  of  man,  and 
therefore  despair.  My  general  reply  to  them  is  that  which 
consoles  me  ;  "  With  men  it  is  impossible,  but  with  God  all 
things  are  possible."  I  have  not  been  much  ashore,  because 
there  are  no  inns  ;  but  the  Lord  has  in  kindness  furnished 
me  with  a  very  benevolent  friend  in  Corin,  who  has  given 
me  a  general  invitation  to  his  home.  I  have  dined  with  him 
once,  and  walked  round  his  plantation.  The  novelty  of  a 
tropical  garden  afforded  me  no  small  amusement,  and  much 
occasion  of  admirins:  the  o-rand  mao-nificence  of  the  creating: 
power  of  God.  There  is  an  army  of  8,000  men  with  us,  so 
that  almost  all  the  men  I  see  here  are  military  officers.  This 
is  a  new  scene  to  me.  I  hear  nothing  but  the  sound  of  the 
trumpet  and  the  alarm  of  war.  Oh  !  that  the  day  were 
come  "when  nation  shall  no  more  lift  up  sword  against 
nation  I" 

I  liope,  my  dear  Major,  you  maintain  your  ground  among 
the  enemies  of  the  Gospel  who  are  found  in  Helston.  Stand 
fast,  beloved  brother,  clad  in  the  panoply  of  God,  in  truth, 
in  righteousness,  in  peace,  in  faith,  with  the  word  of  God. 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  269 

I  delight  to  offer  a  word  of  encouragement  to  the  feeble.  I 
know  that  your  God,  in  whom  you  trust,  will  be  your  strong 
rock  and  defence.  Eliza,  I  may  venture  to  hope,  grows  in 
grace ;  as  she  reads  this,  let  her  be  assured  of  my  affection- 
ate remembrances.     In  the  utmost  haste,  I  conclude,  dear  sir, 

H.  M. 

Nov.  20.  "  Holiness  becometh  thine  house  forever."  Psalm 
xciii.  5. — Holiness,  the  everlasting  ornament  of  heaven,  and 
the  inhabitants  of  it.  Yes,  it  is  an  ornament  which  my  soul 
shall  seek.  Found  the  presence  of  God  this  morning,  and 
my  soul  was  delighted  with  his  comforts  ;  I  was  blessed  with 
a  clear  view  of  my  duty  in  respect  of  the  ministry.  Captain 
P,,  of  the  W.  Pitt,  Botany-Bay-man,  came  on  board  to  beg 
me  to  bajDtize  a  child  of  Mr.  Bale,  who  was  going  out  in  some 
office  under  government  to  Botany  Bay.  I  was  quite  rejoiced 
at  the  Lord's  thus  opening  a  way  to  the  convicts,  without  my 
asking  it  as  a  favor  of  the  captain.  I  went  aboard  with 
twenty  Testaments,  a  few  copies  of  the  Bible,  Saint's  Rest, 
Call  to  the  Unconverted,  Flavel's  Saint  Indeed,  and  a  variety 
of  tracts.  The  baptism  was  performed  in  the  captain's  cabin, 
before  dinner.  Mrs.  S.  and  the  m.olher  stood  godmothers, 
and  Captain  B.  godfather.  I  was  grieved  to  see  with  what 
levity  they  seemed  to  treat  this  sacrament.  After  dinner  I 
walked  out  in  hopes  of  talking  with  some  of  the  convicts, 
but  stayed  so  long  with  the  chief  mate  conversing  about  them, 
that  it  grew  dark.  Captain  B.  granted  my  request  to  preach 
to  them,  and  said  he  should  be  very  happy  to  have  me,  when- 
ever I  should  like  to  come.  So  now  may  the  Lord  give  me 
a  heart  and  utterance  ! 

Isov.  24.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  Ephes.  ii.  18,  and  had 
great  assistance.  Oh  how  delightful  to  preach  the  Gospel, 
where  the  Spirit  of  God  vouchsafes  his  blessing !  Read  and 
sang  below  in  the  afternoon,  ray  heart  still  continuing  very 


270  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

happy  and  joyful.     Having  heard  that  the  cadets  are  to  be 
employed  in  a  body  in  the  expedition,  I  spoke  on  the  subject 

*to  M and  B .     In  the  evening  had  a  season  of  prayer 

for  the  church  in  England,  and  for  myself  in  the  concerns  of 
the  mission,  which  was  solemnizino-. 

Nov.  25.  Psalm  cvi.  3-5.  "Remember  me,  0  Lord,  with 
the  favor  that  thou  bearest  unto  thy  people  :  0  visit  me  with 
thy  salvation ;  that  I  may  see  the  good  of  thy  chosen,  that 
I  may  rejoice  in  the  gladness  of  thy  nation,  that  I  may  glory 
with  thine  inheritance."  I  want  the  testimonies  of  the  love 
of  God ;  I  feel  often  serious,  often  weaned  from  the  world, 
but  seldom  joyful :  0  wliy  should  I  not  rejoice  in  the  glad- 
ness of  thy  nation  ?  Though  I  have  lost  the  company  of 
those  whom  I  love  best  upon  earth,  the  chief  source  of  this 
pleasure  is  the  same  to  me  as  to  them.  But  I  have  a  stupid 
indolence  and  unbelief.  In  prayer  about  the  middle  of  the 
day  over  Isaiah  xlix.,  found  great  benefit  to  my  soul.  Still 
there  is  great  unbelief  respecting  the  promises  of  the  increase 
of  the  church.  In  the  evening  had  some  assistance  in  strug- 
o-lincf  ao-ainst  a  carnal  mind,  and  spiritual  thinos  were  brouoht 
home  to  my  soul  with  power.  Oh  eternity  !  Oh  that  I  had 
constantly  the  remembrance  of  it !  Feeling  great  energy  in 
prayer  on  a  certain  subject,  I  endeavored  to  write  upon  it, 
but  warmth  of  thought  soon  declined. 

Nov.  26.  Isaiah  xlviii.  17.  "1  am  the  Lord  thy  God,  that 
teacheth  thee  to  profit,  who  leadeth  thee  by  the  way  that 
thou  shouldest  go."  In  all  my  unprofitableness  and  way- 
wardness, this  is  an  encouraging  support  to  my  soul,  that 
God  will  still  teach  his  creatures  how  to  live  aright.  'J'houorh 
I  have  neglected  his  teachings,  though  I  have  consequently 
been  doing  little  or  nothing,  still  it  is  the  covenant  attribute 
of  God  to  afford  his  gracious  instructions  for  the  time  to  come. 
Walked  more  strictly  and  carefully  to-day,  and  had  more  of 
the  divine  presence.     After  breakfast  I  was  about  Hindoo- 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  271 

stauee.  Finished  Orme's  Hindoostan,  and  began  Scott's  His- 
tory of  Deccan. 

Nov.  29.  Psalm  cxxx.  6.  "  My  soul  waitetli  for  the  Lord, 
more  than  they  that  watch  for  the  morning."  Being  awoke 
by  the  wind  and  rain  long  before  day-light,  I  waited  for  the 
morning  with  some  anxiety  ;  but  though  my  soul  findeth  more 
pleasure  in  the  light  of  God's  countenance,  than  the  eye  does 
in  returning  day,  I  fear  I  do  not  wait  for  him  in  the  way  of 
faith  and  prayer.  I  thought  of  England  as  I  sat  on  the 
poop,  but  not  with  that  degree  of  inward  misery  as  when  I 
left  Cork.  The  benefit  of  peiishing  millions  was  the  object, 
and  that  animated  me  to  suffer  quietly.  Was  much  grieved 
at  some  things  I  heard  and  observed,  in  three  of  the  most 
established  saints  in  the  ship  ;  this,  among  other  things,  was 
a  soui'ce  of  seriousness  in  my  prayer  in  the  afternoon.  The 
Lord  teach  his  ignorant  creature  to  edify  his  church,  as  I  am 
over  thine  in  the  Lord  !  let  me  have  grace  and  wisdom  to  ad- 
monish them,  not  as  a  lord  over  God's  heritage,  but  as  an 
ensample  to  the  flock. 

Nov.  30.  The  gale  continues  ;  but  through  the  loving- 
kindness  of  the  Lord,  I  have  been  tolerably  free  from  that 
distressing  sensation  of  sea-sickness.  How  shall  I  become 
more  active  in  improving  my  hours  of  health  to  his  service  ? 
Did  nothing  this  morning,  but  the  casual  exercise  of  reading 
and  prayer,  which  filled  it  all  up  without  any  extraordinary 
exercise  of  devotion.  I  wish  I  had  a  deeper  conviction  of 
the  sinfulness  of  sloth.  Oh,  when  shall  I  make  a  duty  of 
activity  in  holy  things  !  Finding  my  mind  in  a  solemn  state, 
and  disposed  to  be  thankful,  that  God  gave  me  to  find  enjoy- 
ment in  this  dark  tempestuous  scene,  when  others  were  at  a  loss 
for  amusement,  I  retired  to  prayer  :  how  affecting  is  the 
consideration,  that  God  is  present  to  me  in  a  certain  degree 
in  such  a  place  as  this,  where  the  angry  ocean,  lashed  into 
surges,  frowns  all  around  with  a  misty  darkness  ! 


272  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

December  1.  (Sunday.)  The  weather  being  squally,  and 
a  great  deal  of  work  to  do  in  the  ship,  there  was  no  service. 
I   passed  my  time  very  comfortably  in  reading  the  service 

and  prayer  till came  in,  when  I  read  some  of  Merrick's 

Psalms,  and  found  ray  soul  at  times  full  of  joy;  after  dinner 
went  below,  and  found  none  but  Corporal  B.  who  could  sing, 
all  the  rest  of  my  choir  being  employed  upon  deck.  He  was 
so  heavy  and  unwilling,  and  so  little  inclined  seemingly  to 
get  my  people  together,  that  I  was  quite  grieved  ;  however, 
I  was  resolved  to  make  an  effort  towards  having  something 
like  a  service,  and  so  I  stayed  the  usual  time,  singing  a  few 
hymns  with  him,  and  expounding  Luke  xvii.  to  a  few  people 
there.  But  it  wv^s  a  very  melancholy  season  ;  everything 
seemed  languid  and  lifeness.  I  went  and  sat  on  the  poop  to 
take  the  air,  musing  in  some  dejection  at  the  bad  appearance 
of  things  amongst  us,  and  was  ready  to  take  refuge  in  the 
reflection,  that  I  was  not  to  blame,  that  I  was  willing  to  lay 
myself  out  for  them,  and  never  to  cease  instructing  them  for 
a  single  day,  both  in  public  and  private.  Had  several  con- 
versations with  Captain  S S and  S ,  but  all  to 

no  purpose  ;  after  advancing  a  little  way  on  religion,  they 
change  the  subject  of  conversation,  or  turn  away.  In  the 
evening  had  a  long  and  pleasant  remembrance  of  friends,  and 
particular  scenes  in  England,  especially  at  Cambridge,  and 
took  a  view  of  what  had  been  my  thoughts  with  respect  to 
my  mission,  and  what  was  my  present  duty  and  prospect. 
I  found  pleasure  in  the  thought  of  dying  entirely  to  the 
world,  and  departing  far  from  friends,  and  everything  that 
can  fasten  me  to  it,  in  order  to  dwell  alone  with  God,  and 
learn-  by  his  immediate  instruction,  what  is  to  be  done  for  the 
kingdom  of  Christ,  and  to  receive  from  him  a  heart  and  a 
mind  to  work. 

Dec.  2.  "  Cause  me  to  hear  thj^  loving-kindness  in  the 
morning,  for  in  thee  do  I  trust.     Cause  me  to  know  the  way 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  273 

wherein  I  should  walk,  for  I  lift  up  my  heart  unto  Thee. 
Teach  me  to  do  Thy  will,  for  Thou  art  mj'  God.  Thy  Spirit 
is  good,  lead  me  into  the  land  of  uprightness."  Pi^alra  cxliii. 
8,  10.  Lord,  I  am  blind  and  helpless,  stupid  and  ignorant. 
Cause  me  to  hear',  cause  me  to  know ;  teach  me  to  do  ;  lead 
me.  When  I  kneel  to  pray,  I  scarcely  know  what  to  ask,  so 
ignorant  am  I  of  my  wants  ;  when  I  am  most  enlightened  by 
God,  I  see  my  wants  more  clearly.  Had  some  thoughts  of 
devoting  this  day  to  prayer,  but  sea-sickness  prevented  it. 
In  the  afternoon  expounded  Luke  xviii.  to  the  soldiers. 
Corporal  B.  came  to  my  cabin  in  the  evening  for  some  music 
books,  and  I  embraced  the  opportunity  of  conversing  with 
him  about  the  men.  But  I  could  get  nothing  instructive 
from  him :  the  peculiar  state  of  my  own  mind  at  the  time 
could  not  bear  indifference  in  another,  on  what  I  had  ray 
thoughts  so  engrossed  ;  but  I  felt  quite  vexed  at  his  speaking 
on  any  other  business,  but  that  of  the  impending  scene  of 
battle.  Another  of  my  people  had  occasion  to  come  to  me 
at  night,  and  I  had  reason  to  lament  the  same  want  of  serious 
reflection  in  him.  Oh  wretched  creatures  that  we  are  !  when 
shall  we  please  Thee,  0  God  ?  O  teach  us  to  gird  up  the 
loins  of  our  minds,  to  be  sober  and  holy.  Make  them  as 
well  as  me  to  have  a  tender  regard  to  the  souls  of  their 
perishing  fellow-creatures. 

Dec.  3.  Designed  to  set  apart  this  day  to  fasting  and 
prayer,  in  behalf  of  the  ship.  I  found  my  soul  mounting 
heavenward  at  the  prospect  of  what  v/as  to  be  my  employ- 
ment to-day.  From  nine  to  three,  my  soul  found  the  especial 
presence  of  God,  in  four  successive  seasons  of  prayer,  but  in 
none  of  these  was  my  heart  enlarged  in  intercession  for  the 
people  of  the  ship.  I  tried  again  and  again,  but  found  no 
words  to  continue  speaking  for  them,  so  that  my. object  for 
them  has  not  been  attained,  and  I  fear  that  I  cannot  again 
venture  to  fast  with  prayer  for  some  time,  as  the  position  of 
12* 


274  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

the  body  and  exercise  of  mind  so  ^Yeakened  me,  and  produced 
such  a  headache,  that  I  was  fit  for  nothing  at  night,  nor  even 
the  next  morning.  From  three  till  four  interceded  with 
serious  and  delightful  feelings  for  the  church,  from  Isaiah  1, 
Iviii.  After  Uiking  some  tea  in  the  evening,  I  prayed  again 
with  a  heart  overflowing  with  joy  ;  I  could  call  God  my  own 
God  in  Christ ;  I  could  say  in  the  spirit  of  adoption,  Abba, 
Father;  nothing  appeared  desirable  in  the  universe,  but  God, 
and  so  I  felt  exceedingly  happy  in  possessing  all  that  w^as 
good.  In  prayer  that  God  would  glorify  himself,  I  cared 
not  by  what  instrument ;  I  truly  felt  willing  to  be  despised, 
and  forgotten,  so  God's  purposes  were  accomplished  respect- 
ing the  setting  up  of  his  kingdom  in  the  world. 

Dec.  4.  "  His  delight  is  in  the  law  of  the  Lord,  and  in 
his  law  doth  he  meditate  day  and  night."  Psalm  i.  It  is 
the  thoughtful  and  heavenly-minded  Christian  that  will  be 
the  thriving  one.  I  suppose  sometimes,  that  an  uninter- 
rupted waiting  upon  God  in  fixed  meditation  would  raise  the 
soul  to  the  highest  pitch  of  devotion  ;  but,  alas  !  the  Aveak- 
ness  of  the  flesh  interposes  a  barrier.  If  the  body  and  mind 
be  exercised  too  long,  the  soul  sinks  again  ;  almost  all  this 
day  has  been  lost  through  fatigue  of  body  and  mind.  The 
sensible  feeling  of  love,  or  joy,  or  the  exercise  of  thought, 
put  my  body  to  pain.  I  was  chiefly  on  deck,  low  and 
languid,  but  enjoying  a  peaceful  serenity  of  mind.  Going 
below  in  the  afternoon,  I  found  that  Captain  0.  had  given 
strict  orders  that  no  one  should  go  down,  and  even  set  a 
sentry  to  prevent  it.  I  went  and  talked  to  him  about  it ;  he 
said  that  any  might  go  down,  if  they  went  for  the  purpose 
of  hearing  me  ;  but  my  object  is  effectually  prevented,  for 
I  hoped  to  call  the  attention  of  those  who  were  careless. 
The' Lord  now  direct  me  how  to  act,  and  strengthen  me! 
McK.  staved  with  me  the  w^hole  of  the  eveninof,  and  w^e  were 
conversing  about  England.     Dearest  Lydia !  never  wilt  thou 


1805. J  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  2T5 

cease  to  be  dear  to  me ;  still  the  glory  of  God,  and  tlie  sal- 
vation of  immortal  souls,  is  an  object  for  Avhich  I  can  part 
with  thee.  Let  us  live  then  for  God,  separate  from  one 
another,  since  such  is  his  holy  will.  Hereafter  we  shall  meet 
in  a  happier  region,  and  if  we  shall  have  lived  and  died, 
denying  ourselves  for  God,  triumphant  and  glorious  will  our 
meeting  be. 

Dec.  5.  "In  thy  fear  will  I  worship  toward  thy  holy  tem- 
ple." Psalm  V.  1.  Christ  is  that  holy  temple,  toward  which 
I  look  in  prayer  :  within  him  my  prayers,  poor  and  distract- 
ed as  they  are,  shall  come  up  with  acceptance  on  his  altar. 
How  is  it  that  my  soul  does  not  draw  back  into  perdition  ? 
There  is  an  invisible  intercession  made  on  my  behalf,  and  a 
secret  influence  operating  upon  me.  With  Captain  S,  a  man 
of  mild  manners,  though  utterly  destitute  of  religion,  I  con- 
verse every  day :  he  seemed  anxious  that  I  should  have  my 
own  way  with  respect  to  instructing  the  soldiers,  and  said  I 
should  have  one  or  two  Serjeants  to  brings  the  men  up  from 
below,  as  soon  as  I  came  up  myself.  While  walking  the 
deck,  I  longed  to  be  left  alone,  that  my  thoughts  might  run 
at  random.  Tender  feelings  on  distant  scenes  do  not  leave 
me  indisposed  for  communion  with  God  ;  that  which  is  pre- 
sent to  the  outward  senses  is  the  greatest  plague  to  me. 
Went  among  the  soldiers  in  the  afternoon,  distributing  oran- 
ges to  those  who  .are  scorbutic.  My  heart  was  for  some  hours 
expanding  with  joy  and  love  ;  but  I  have  reason  to  think  that 
the  state  of  the  body  has  great  influence  on  the  frames 
and  feelings  of  the  mind.  Let  the  rock  of  my  consolations 
be  not  a  variable  feeling,  but  Jesus  Christ  and  his  righteous- 
ness. 

Dec,  6.  Visited,  this  morning,  the  ship's  steward,  and 
found  him  dangerously  ill  of  a  fever.  In  answer  to  a  few  of 
my  questions,  he  said  he  had  a  good  hope,  gave  up  all  his 
mind  to  religion,  and  put  his  trust  in  God,  &c.     I  bid  him 


276  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

remember  the  sins  of  his  hfe,  his  swearing,  sabbath-breaking, 
&c.,  and  particularly  with  this,  that  he  had  always  been  in 
the  habit  of  pleasing  himself,  and  not  God.  This  seemed  to 
strike  him  ;  he  groaned  and  said,  "  it  is  very  true."  I  went 
on  showing  the  aggravations  of  his  wickedness,  and  at  last 
asked  him  again,  "  Do  you  believe,  that  if  God  should  refuse 
to  hear  you  now,  in  the  same  manner  as  you  have  refused  to 
hear  him,  he  would  be  just  and  right  ?"  To  this  he  now 
answered  in  the  language  of  a  person  convinced.  I  put  this 
question  to  him  in  every  variety  of  forms,  and  he  always  re- 
turned a  satisfactory  answer.  I  began  to  hope  his  heart  was 
melting  under  the  influence  of  the  spirit  of  God,  and  after 
asking  him  the  other  important  questions,  "  Do  you  desire  to 
become  a  new  creature,  if  it  should  please  God  to  spare  you  ?" 
he  replied,  as  a  person  unconscious  of  innate  depravity  and 
helplessness,  but  with  great  earnestness.  I  ventured  to  pro- 
ceed to  the  gospel.  But  here  I  had  a  difficulty  as  before,  to 
show  him,  that  God  would  not  save  him  for  his  repentance 
or  faith,  any  more  than  for  his  works ;  in  short,  for  nothing 
in  himself.  I  then  read  the  fifty-first  Psalm  to  him,  and 
John  vi.,  and  went  to  prayer. 

Dec.  7.  Expounded  a  chapter  in  St.  Mark,  and  sang;  in 
the  afternoon  a  man  from  the  upper  deck  continued  looking 
down  upon  iis  with  such  a  malicious  sneer,  that  I  had  much 
ado  to  keep  my  temper.  Presently  after,  another  came, 
roaring  out  for  my  chief  singer  to  come  away,  as  he  was 
w^anted,  and  continued  to  disturb  us  Avith  his  noise.  I  went 
out  at  the  conclusion  of  the  service  to  the  forecastle,  to  see 
if  the  sergeant  had  sent  for  him,  and  there  I  spoke  to  the 
men  with  some  severitj/.  In  visiting  the  ship's  steward, 
whom  I  found  recovering,  I  met  with  a  sailor,  and  a  very 
sensible  one,  waiting  upon  him,  with  whom  I  had  a  long  and 
close  conversation.  As  he  said  he  would  come  to  the  same 
place  as  soon  as  he  wa?;  off  watch  and  hear  me  read,  if  I  could 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  2TT 

make  it  convenient  to  come,  I  went  at  eight,  and  expounded 
John  V.  The  steward  seemed  to  be  strong  in  his  resok^tions, 
but  had  httle  of  a  right  spirit. 

Dec.  8.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  Mark  viii.  34,  35,  and 
there  was  much  attention.  Going  below,  I  found  everything 
in  srreater  bustle  than  ever.  Sent  for  the  singers,  but  none 
came.  Nothing  now  seems  to  disconcert  me  ;  so  in  the  midst 
of  noise  and  oaths,  I  beo-an  to  read  Pilg-rim's  Progress ;  but 
presently  a  sergeant  came  by,  and  with  many  a  blasphemy 
counted  several  of  the  watch,  as  he  said,  among  my  hearers, 
and  flew  off  to  get  the  sentry.  I  told  whoever  was  on  the 
watch  to  go  up ;  I  then  went  on,  but  immediately  a  squall 
coming  on,  the  hatches  Avere  shut  down,  and  I  was  obliged 
to  retire  after  conversing  with  a  few.  Two  or  three  soldiers 
felt  for  me  more  than  I  did  for  myself,  and  seemed  to  wish 
to  atone  by  their  attention  for  the  ill-behavior  of  the  rest. 
At  night,  McK — —  stayed  so  long,  that  it  was  too  late  to  go 
and  read  to  the  steward,  as  I  intended,  an  omission  which 
wounded  my  conscience  considerably  ;  but,  oh  my  soul !  be 
not  dispirited  in  thy  work,  but  be  roused  to  redoubled 
diHgence. 

Dec.  9.  Psalm  xvii.  7,  "  Show  thy  marvellous  loving- 
kindness,  0  thou  that  savest  by  thy  right  hand."  What  but 
marvellous  loving-kindness  could  save  such  a  wretched  crea- 
ture !  By  irregularity  in  morning  duties,  and  putting  them 
out  of  their  proper  place,  I  had  nearly  lost  all  comfortable 
sense  of  divine  things.  Little  or  nothing  done  in  my  stu- 
dies. Cried  to  God  again  in  behalf  of  myself  and  the  ship, 
with  some  feeling  sense  of  things.  I  found  it  most  suitable 
to  humble  myself  as  one  of  them,  rather  than  intercede  for 
them  as  one  more  righteous.  In  prayer  before  dinner,  my 
soul  was  wonderfully  restored  by  those  words  in  Isaiah  Ixvi. 
10,  "Rejoice  ye  with  Jerusalem,  and  be  glad  with  her,  all 
ye  that  love  her;  rejoice  for  joy  with  her,  all  ye  that  mourn 


278  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

for  her,  that  ye  may  suck  and  be  satisfied  with  the  breasts  of 
her  consolations,  that  ye  may  milk  out  and  be  delighted  with 
the  abundance  of  her  glory."  Here  is  a  promise  that  our 
desires  shall  be  satisfied.  Those  who  wish  the  progress  of 
the  church,  shall  hereafter  see  it  and  enjoy  it.  I  thought 
on  the  perfection  of  beauty  and  holiness  of  God's  people  in 
that  day,  and  felt  strong  and  fervent  desires  to  be  entirely 
lioly  unto  God  now,  and  to  show  myself  an  instance  before 
all  men  of  the  image  of  Christ.  Below  deck  afterwards  I 
felt  something  of  the  same  spirit,  saying  to  myself,  Now  let 
my  soul  be  ardent,  let  me  speak  as  one  in  earnest ;  let  me 
remember  what  I  tliink  when  I  am  in  prayer  for  them. 
Expounded  Matt.  xi.  When  I  spoke  to  them  of  the  guilt  of 
Capernaum,  that  it  repented  not  at  the  preaching  of  the 
gospel,-  and  applied  to  this  ship,  how  they  had  it  preached 
every  Sabbath  and  every  day,  there  seemed  to  be  much  so- 
lemn attention.  Stayed  below  for  some  time  after  to  speak 
w^ith  an  old  man  and  soldier,  who  had  been  seized  with  cho- 
lera morbus  this  morning  ;  but  seemed  to  gain  little  ground. 
The  same  things,  however,  seemed  to  succeed  with  his  mind 
as  the  steward's ;  "  Have  you  not  lived  every  day  as  you 
liked  best  yourself,  without  considering  what  was  the  will  of 
God  ?  If  then  God  were  to  treat  you  as  you  have  done  him, 
i.  e.  not  hear  you,  but  cast  you  into  hell,  would  He  not  be 
doing  right  ?"  To  all  which  he  professed  his  assent,  with 
some  apparent  conviction.  Going  afterwards  to  the  fore- 
castle, B.,  the  same  soldier  who  had  behaved  w'ith  such  im- 
pudence to  me  before,  took  care  to  make  one  of  his  wicked 
speeches  to  the  rest  who  sat  near  him,  just  as  I  was  passing ; 
on  which  I  turned  and  entered  into  conversation  with  him 
and  the  rest,  determined  to  see  whether  the  devil  should  re- 
main master  of  the  field  or  no.  B.  broached  the  most  blas- 
phemous and  abominable  sentiments  ;  said  he  was  deter- 
mined he  would  never  pray,  for  if  he  did,  he  should  not  be 


1805. J  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  279 

able  to  fight ;  that  he  was  a  soldier,  and  robbery  was  his 
business  ;  that  he  would  rob  his  father  for  grog ;  that  he  had 
often  robbed,  and  would  continue  to  do  so,  I  shuddered  at 
this  wretched  bravado,  but  persisted  in  showing  the  folly  and 
madness  of  all  these  thoughts,  till  the  ringleader,  B.,  rose  up 
and  went  his  way,  and  then  the  rest  listened  to  me  in  silence. 

At  night,  in  conversation  with ,  upon  deck,  who,  with 

all  his  wickedness,  would  talk  to  me  about  the  mission,  and 
on  every  subject  which  forms  the  theme  of  a  religionist ;  I 
told  him  of  the  horrible  hypocrisy  of  his  heart,  and  the  dan- 
ger of  his  state.  He  confessed  that  he  did  swear  terribly, 
and  had  fallen  much  away ;  but  there  was  not  the  slightest 
mark  of  contrition,  or  the  least  expression  of  better  resolu- 
tions. He  said  that  on  board  a  man-of-war,  he  had  made  a 
good  profession  for  four  years,  and  had  even  suffered  perse- 
cution for  the  cross  ;  but  in  this  shi|)  there  was  such  general 
indifference  that  he  was  led  away.     He   told  me  man}^  idle 

aspersions  cast  by  the  officers  upon   me;  that  Captain  

spoke  of  the  men  who  attended  me  as  a  parcel  of  vaga- 
bonds. My  want  of  success  was  also  frequently  cited,  as  an 
argument  against  me.  Thus,  alas !  that  which  causes  my 
pain  is  made  use  of  to  increase  it. 

Dec.  10.  Psalm  xxii.  27,  "  All  the  ends  of  the  earth  shall 
remember  and  be  turned  unto  the  Lord."  Sooner  or  later, 
they  shall  remember  what  is  preached  to  them  ;  and  though 
missionaries  m^ay  not  live  to  see  the  fruits  of  their  labors, 
yet  the  memory  of  their  words  shall  remain,  and  in  due  time 
shall  be  the  means  of  turning  them  unto  the  Lord.  Was 
much  delighted  with  seeing  all  my  people  present  this  after- 
noon, and  the  pleasure  with  which  they  seemed  to  come — 
though  alas !  even  out  of  these  five,  there  are  only  three,  of 
whom  I  can  be  in  any  wise  confident.  I  explained  Isaiah  xl. 
and  stayed  to  converse  with  two  sick  men.  The  steward  is 
recovering  fast;  "I  am  determined,"  said  he,  "to  be  a  good 


280  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

liver,  as  you  shall  see  ;"  but  I  have  little  hopes  of  him.  At 
night,  Corporal  B.  came  to  my  cabin,  and  McK.  soon  after 
coming  in,  I  proposed  to  them  a  regular  meeting  of  tlie  reli- 
gious soldiers  for  prayer  in  my  cabin  ;  but  they  both  objected 
to  it ;  not,  they  said,  because  they  Avere  afraid  of  the  cross, 
but  they  thought  the  trial  would  be  too  great  for  tlie  others, 
especially  as  the  disapprobation  of  Captains  S.  and  0.  would 
encourage  the  ridicule  and  opposition  of  the  officers,  and 
others.  Such  words  from  them,  sufficiently  proved,  that  it 
was  yet  too  early  to  call  any  of  them  to  such  a  cross  ;  but  I 
could  not  help  believing,  that  it  was  fear  of  man  which  sug- 
gested this  advice  of  theirs  to  me.  However,  let  me  judge 
charitably,  and  think  of  them  in  the  spirit  of  meekness,  con- 
sidering myself,  lest  I  also  be  tempted. 

Dec.  12.  "That  he  would  grant  you,  according  to  the 
riches  of  his  glory,  to  be  strengthened  with  might  by  his 
Spirit  in  the  inner  man,  that  Christ  may  dwell  in  your  hearts 
by  faith."  Eph.  iii.  Spiritual  stabihty  and  advancement  in 
strength  are  evidenced  by  Christ's  dwelling  in  the  heart, 
when  the  affections  and  thoughts  keep  Christ  in  view,  and 
embrace  him  habitually.  Oh  this  soul-enrapturing  inhabita- 
tion, after  which  I  pant  sometimes,  though  but  feebly  !  When 
shall  I  comprehend  and  enjoy  it  ?  Then  shall  I  be  weaned 
indeed  from  the  world,  and  no  more  seek  heavenly-minded- 
ness  from  thinking  of  the  shortness  of  time  only,  but  by 
choice  and  preference,  cleaving  to  Christ,  and  living  to  Him 
alone,  though  my  life  on  earth  were  extended  to  ages.  Wrote 
sermon,  but  with  little  success ;  my  soul  can  never  rejoice 
while  my  time  is  spent  so  unprofitably.  In  the  evening  and 
at  night,  had  strong  desires  to  spend  and  be  spent  in  glorify- 
ino-  the  blessed  God,  and  wrote  with  some  spirit,  till  M.  came 
in  and  thus  prevented  me.  It  is  God's  providence  which  allots 
me  the  duty  of  conversation  as  well  as  of  writing. 

Dec.  13.  "  On  thee  do  I  wait  all  the  day,"  Psalm  xxv.  5. 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  281 

"Mine  eyes  are  ever  toward  the  Lord,"  15.  From  having 
found  so  much  comfort  yesterday  by  continually  invoking- 
God's  presence,  I  hoped  to-day  also  to  have  my  eyes  ever 
towards  the  Lord ;  I  had  not,  however,  so  much  as  yester- 
day. ]n  the  afternoon,  just  as  I  had  got  down,  Captain  0. 
ordered  every  man  up  ;  I  felt  rather  hurt  at  this ;  but  on 
speaking  to  him,  he  said  he  did  not  know  I  was  there,  for  he 
would  on  no  account  have  given  such  an  order,  as  he  never 
meant  to  interfere  in  religious  matters ;  such  is  the  goodness 
of  God  in  hushing  my  rising  fears. 

Dec.  14.  *' Oh,  Lord,  thou  hast  brought  up  my  soul  from 
the  grave ;  thou  hast  kept  me  alive,  that  I  should  not  go 
down  to  the  pit."  Psalm  xxx.  3.  Daily  do  I  deserve  the  pit 
of  destruction — daily  doth  God  save  me  from  it.  After  ex- 
periencing such  long-continued  patience,  let  me  not  provoke 
the  Lord  to  cast  me  off  forever.  Passed  the  morning  in 
writing,  and  was  much  assisted ;  my  mind  was  consequently 
peaceful.  In  the  afternoon  had  no  service  below,  as  I  was 
taken  up  in  going  to  and  fro  to  the  sick,  of  whom  there  is 
now  a  great  number.  K.,  one  of  my  singers,  who  w^ith  his 
profession  of  the  gospel  is  yet  addicted  to  swearing,  had  been 
dangerously  ill  in  the  morning.  I  told  him  of  his  sin ;  it 
seems  that  he  is  leaving  it  off,  but  he  did  not  speak  with  that 
self-condemnation  I  could  have  wished.  The  condition  of  the 
sick  was  miserable ;  I  could  not  stand  it  till  I  got  some  aro- 
matic vinegar. 

Dec.  15.  (Sunday.)  "  Oh  love  the  Lord  !  all  ye  his  saints." 
Psalm  xxxi.  23.  How  cold  is  my  love!  how  weak  and  lan- 
guid my  hope !  Yet  in  speaking  to  Mrs.  O.  on  the  duty  of 
joy  and  praise,  I  found  my  own  heart  a  little  w^armed. 
Walked  with  Mrs.  S.  for  a  long  time ;  told  her  very  plainly 
what  I  thought  needed  amendment  in  her  outward  conduct, 
which  has  far  too  much  of  giddiness  and  levity.  In  the 
afternoon  preached  on  deck,  on  Rom.  iii.  21-23.     The  soldiers 


282  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

were  more  attentive  than  I  expected  from  the  natm-e  of  the 
subject ;  but  McK.  told  me,  that  he  and  the  cuddy  passen- 
gers, who  had  just  risen  from  dinner,  could  scai'cely  keep 
their  eyes  open  ;•  that  B.  had  been  making  his  remarks  again  ; 
and  some  of  the  cadets  I  saw  laughing.  How  different  is  it 
to  preach  to  such  a  congregation,  from  what  it  is  to  be 
amongst  the  congregations  in  England !  Here  there  is 
scarcely  one  who  encourages  me  by  an  attentive  hearing,  and 
none  at  all  who  strengthens  my  hand  by  a  kind  word  on  the 
subject.  To-day  scarcely  any  of  my  people  were  present, 
being  confined  by  sickness ;  but  when  they  are,  there  is  not 
one  who  says  a  word  about  anything  that  suited,  or  anything 
they  did  not  understand.  The  whole  passes  off  their  minds, 
without  leaving  the  smallest  impression.  However,  this  dis- 
pensation of  the  Lord  is  humiliating,  and  so  will  do  some 
good.  I  feel  no  despondency,  but  am  contented  to  go  on  to 
the  end  of  life,  testifying,  according  to  the  best  of  my  abili- 
ties, as  long  as  people  will  stay  to  hear  me. 

Dec.  16.  The  thought  of  death  was  at  times  refreshing 
and  joyful  to  me  : — To  die  !  to  be  with  Jesus !  struck  me  at 
some  moments  with  unutterable  sweetness ;  but  1  cannot 
enjoy  much  habitual  comfort  without  profiting  more  in  my 
studies. 

Dec.  17.  "Rivers  of  tears  run  down  mine  eyes,  because 
they  keep  not  thy  law."  O  Lord,  be  pleased  to  have  com- 
passion, and  break  this  hard  heart !  Oh  !  shall  I  think  of  the 
eternal  damnation  of  sinners,  and  not  be  able  to  melt? — I 
feel  that  I  cannot.  I  saAv  something  of  myself  this  morning 
in  prayer,  when  I  strove  to  feel  some  grief  or  sorrow  for  the 
greatest  number  of  my  flock.  Let  it  please  God  to  display 
His  power,  by  placing  a  new  heart  of  flesh  Avithin  mc.  I 
had  some  refreshing  views  of  death,  and  the  happiness  of 
being  free  from  sickness  and  sin,  still  growing  weaker  from 
the  continuance  of  my  disorder.     How  awful  does  death  ap- 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY^  MARTYN.  283 

pear  when  sickness  gives  a  nearer  view  of  it !  Yet  I  have  no 
wish  to  Hve  for  anything  agreeable  in  this  world. 

Dec.  18.  "Hear,  for  I  will  speak  of  excellent  things.]' 
"  I  love  them  that  love  me."  "  Hearken  mito  me,  Oh  ye 
children,  for  blessed  are  they  that  keep  my  ways.  Blessed 
is  the  man  that  heareth  me,  watching  daily  at  my  gates,  wait- 
ing at  the  posts  of  my  door — for  whoso  findeth  me  findeth 
life,  and  shall  obtain  favor  of  the  Lord."  Prov.  viii.  Blessed 
be  the  Lord  my  God,  Avho  now,  in  the  time  of  my  youth, 
hath  inclined  my  heart  to  take  the  paths  of  righteousness  and 
peace.  It  was  long  a  doubtful  case  with  me;  but  now, 
through  God's  love,  I  have  undertaken  the  hardships  of  a 
Christian  life,  and  am  climbing  the  steep  ascent.  Expounded 
Matt.  vii.  below  to  a  good  number.  My  heart  was  filled  with 
great  delight,  while  singing — "  O'er  the  gloomy  hills  of  dark- 
ness." In  the  evening  a  private,  of  the  name  of  Lock,  the 
man  who  began  the  singing  and  then  left  off,  came  to  me  in 
great  distress  of  mind,  as  he  said,  about  his  state.  He  had 
formerly  made  a  p'rofession,  but  had  gone  back ;  I  talked  to 
him  as  closely  as  possible,  and  prayed  with  him,  during  which 
he  shed  many  tears ;  still  I  could  not  be  satisfactorily  per- 
suaded of  his  uprightness.  He  wished  to  come  every  night 
to  my  cabin  to  join  with  me  in  prayer,  but  I  told  him  he  might 
come  to-morrow  night.  He  said  he  had  often  wished  I  would 
pray  at  the  time  of  our  meeting  below ;  I  scarcel}^  ever 
thought  this  was  at  all  possible,  from  the  variety  of  inter- 
ruptions to  which  we  are  exposed.  Yet  I  began  to  consider 
whether  it  was  not  my  duty  to  attempt  it,  and  leave  events 
with  God. 

Dec.  19.  My  sickness  and  dysentery  continue  and  weaken 
me  considerably.  Aboard  ship  many  things  which  I  desii-e 
are  not  to  be  had ;  but  it  was  a  matter  of  great  thankfulness 
that  I  had  so  many  more  comforts  provided  for  me,  than  for 
the  poor  men  in  the  same  state.     Oh,  God  knoweth  how 


284  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

utterly  undeserving  I  am  of  such  a  difference  being  made 
for  me.  The  weather  not  allowing  me  to  Avalk,  I  remained 
unfit  for  everything,  and  felt  very  unhappy.  It  was  one  of 
those  seasons,  when  this  world  appeared  a  tedious  and  tire- 
some place  :  I  felt  myself  departing  from  God  ;  but  consid- 
ering that  now  was  the  time  for  exercising  faith,  I  betook 
myself  to  prayer,  which  had  the  effect  of  relieving-  my  mind 
from  a  sense  of  guilt ;  but  otherwise  did  not  much  comfort 
me.  Expounded  Matt,  xviii.  I  take  much  delight  in  this 
sort  of  exercise,  as  it  is  very  profitable  to  myself.  The  con- 
nection of  things  in  the  gospel  suggests  ideas  I  never  before 
thought  of.  One  of  the  quartermasters,  an  old  man,  seem- 
ingly declining  fast,  I  talked  with,  and  endeavored  to  con- 
vince him  of  his  sins. 

Dec,  20.  Being  very  ill  in  the  night  past  from  sickness 
and  colic,  I  began  to  think  seriously  of  death.  I  endeav- 
ored to  consider  in  order,  what  God  had  done  for  the  salva- 
tion of  sinners,  what  evidence  I  had  of  being  in  Christ,  and 
the  comfort  I  was  permitted  to  ask  for  from  the  blessed 
Spirit,  in  case  of  that  evidence  appearing.  There  is  not  one 
thing  I  have  ever  done,  that  would  give  me  a  substantial 
reasonfor  believing  myself  to  be  in  Christ.  It  is  chiefly  my 
affections  and  inclinations,  which  convince  me  I  am  born  of 
God,  for  they  are  now  toward  God.  I  am  very  often  with- 
out any  pleasure,  but  I  seldom  think  of  seeking  it  in  the 
world.  My  taste,  I  have  reason  to  believe,  is  for  holy  pleas- 
ui'cs,  and  for  holy  employments.  In  prayer,  after  getting  up, 
I  had  so  much  delight  and  joy  in  the  consideration  of  heaven, 
and  my  assured  title  to  it,  that  I  felt  far  more  desirous  of 
dying  than  living. 

Dec.  21.  Walked  with  my  mind  intently  fixed  on  heavenly 
subjects,  but  more  in  my  thoughts  than  in  my  heart.  Had 
a  pretty  good  number  below ;  expounded  Matt.  x.  Made 
slow  progress  in  writing  at  night,  and  felt  exceedingly  dull 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  285 

at  a  part  where,  in  my  first  considerations  of  the  subject,  I 
had  found  a  remarkable  glow  of  animation. 

Dec.  22.  (Sunday.)  It  was  a  very  full  congregation ;  for 
some  Sundays  past,  several  of  the  soldiers  were  suffered  to 
stay  away.  I  preached  on  2  Cor.  vi.  17,  18.  There  seemed 
to  be  a  considerable  stir  excited  against  the  sermon,  as  there 
were  knots  of  them  talking  about  it  afterwards,  and  they 
eyed  me,  some  with  spite,  some  with  contempt.  I  felt  a 
little  unhappy  at  offending  men  so  ;  but  I  still  thought,  if 
the  whole  universe  were  to  rise  up,  and  object  to  me,  and 
despise,  I  could  face  their  frowns,  and  retain  my  confidence 
in  the  truth.  In  the  afternoon  below,  there  was  a  great 
number  hearing,  perhaps  near  fifty.  In  expounding  Matt, 
xii.  the  verse  about  the  Queen  of  Sheba  coming  from  the 
uttermost  parts  to  hear  the  wisdom  of  Solomon,  gave  me  a 
most  apt  occasion  to  observe,  how  shameful  it  was,  that  they 
would  not  come  so  far  as  from  the  forecastle  to  the  main 
hatchway  to  hear  about  Jesus  Christ  !  My  proposal  to  them 
to  pray,  seemed  to  be  accepted  with  the  greatest  readiness, 
as  they  all  knelt  down.  Through  God's  mercy  we  were  not 
disturbed. 

Dec.  24.  "  Thou  hast  ascended  on  high,  thou  hast  led 
captivity  captive,  thou  hast  received  gifts  for  men,  yea,  for 
the  rebellious  also,  that  the  Lord  God  might  dwell  amongst 
them."  Psalm  Ixviii.  18.  For  the  rebellious!  and  not  minis- 
terial gifts  only  I  hope,  but  things  good  for  the  soul  of  the 
rebellious.  0  consolatory  gospel,  precious  rays  of  grace, 
scattered  through  the  Bible  !  Were  it  not  for  these  free  gifts, 
how  could  my  heart  ever  be  open,  that  the  Lord  might  dwell 
in  it! 

Dec.  25.  We  prayed  for  the  Captain,  who  had  called  in 
the  purser  and  mate,  and  given  his  dying  charge.  I  went  in 
before  dinner,  though  not  sent  for,  but  he  did  not  speak,  or 
seem  to  take  any  notice  of  me.     Coming  in  a  second  time,  he 


286  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

desired  me  in  a  strong  voice  to  withdraw,  as  he  did  not  hke 
to  be  seen  in  the  situation  in  w^hich  he  was.  I  felt  much 
hurt,  and  went  and  poured  out  my  soul  in  prayer,  and  found 
relief  and  happy  consolation  in  God. 

Dec.  28.  About  seven  this  morning,  I  was  sent  for  by  the 
surgeon  to  the  captain.  I.  saw  that  he  was  a  dying  man  ; 
but  he  was  in  general  sensible.  I  began  to  read  the  most 
encouraging  passages  I  could  find,  beginning  with  Isaiah  Iv. 
In  John  vi,  he  repeated  in  a  low  tone  after  me,  "  Lord,  ever- 
more send  us  this  bread."  I  continued  reading  after  break- 
fast, though  lie  did  not  seem  to  wish  it,  only  when  the  doc- 
tor asked  him,  he  said  Ay,  ay.  After  reading  I  prayed, 
but  I  do  not  know  that  he  joined  ;  indeed  he  was  so  far  gone, 
that  it  was  impossible  to  collect  anything  from  his  look  or 
imperfect  words.  On  my  being  interrupted  by  the  doctor, 
he  said,  "  Mind  him,"  meaning  that  he  was  to  attend  to  me. 
At  last,  after  being  much  convulsed,  he  said,  "  I  am  going,  I 
shall  not  be  long  here.  Lord  help  me,  Lord  help  me ;"  and 
his  eyes  began  to  close,  and  his  breath  returned  successively 
at  longer  intervals,  and  at  length  he  expii-ed.  The  colors 
were  hoisted  half-mast-high,  and  we  bore  down  to  give  no- 
tice of  it  to  the  Commodore,  and  the  Commodore  of  the 
Indiamen.  In  prayer  in  the  evening,  I  had  such  near  and 
terrific  views  of  God's  judgments  upon  sinners  in  hell,  that 
my  flesh  trembled  for  fear  of  them.  The  passages  of  God's 
holy  word  that  proved  the  certainty  of  hell  torments,  were 
brought  to  me  in  such  a  way  as  I  never  before  felt ;  I  flew 
trembling  to  Jesus  Christ,  as  if  the  flame  were  taking  hold  of 
me.  Oh,  Christ  Avill  indeed  save  me,  or  else  I  perish.  McK. 
came  in;  he  had  been  reading  to-day  the  tract  upon  Eternity 
to  the  cadets  and  officers.  They  hated  the  sound  ;  would 
not  listen  to  it,  and  said  he  wanted  to  make  them  melanclioly 

mad.     M said  "  Martyn  will  never  persuade  me  to  be 

otherwise,  with  all  his  logic."     To  whicli  Captain  S.,  with  a 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  287 

serious  look,  said  "  I  hope  he  will,  M."  A  person  from  the 
Streatham  told  McK.,  that  vfe  had  the  reputation  in  the  fleet 
of  being  a  very  praying  ship.     I  wish  it  were  more  true. 

Dec.  27.  "Arise,  O  God,  and  plead  thine  own  cause,  re- 
member how  the  foolish  man  reproacheth  thee  daily..  Forget 
not  the  voice  of  thy  enemies :  the  tumult  of  those  that  rise 
up  against  thee  increaseth  continually."  Psalm  Ixxiv.  22, 
23.  In  pleading  for  the  prosperity  of  the  church,  and  her 
deliverance  from  enemies,  when  all  arguments  are  exhausted, 
we  may  urge  this  at  last,  that  God  would  arise  and  plead 
his  own  cause.  Let  me  remember  this,  wdien  I  pray  in  un- 
belief, as  if  God  were  indifferent;  let  me  reflect  that  it  is 
God's  own  cause,  and  the  honor  of  his  name  concerned  in  it. 
Several  circumstances  seemed  to  suggest  the  propriety  of 
setting  apart  this  daj^  for  fasting  and  prayer,  which  I  did  ; 
but  for  want  of  sufficient  watchfulness  and  labor,  I  failed  to 
derive  that  benefit  from  it  which  might  have  been  expected. 
One  thing,  however,  I  am  bound  to  bless  the  Lord  for,  that 
he  helped  me  to  come  down  with  shame  into  the  dust,  and 
to  Aveep  and  mourn  before  him,  for  the  sins  of  my  former 
life,  and  for  my  lukewarmness  and  unfaithfulness  in  my 
ministry.  I  thought  it  would  be  a  proper  portion  for  me  to 
combat  with  affliction  all  my  days  ;  to  w^alk  solitarily  with 
tears  through  the  wilderness  of  life,  full  of  thankful  love  that 
God  had  permitted  such  a  creature  to  live ;  but  my  heart 
w^as  not  much  enlarged  in  other  petitions.  In  the  evening, 
my  heart  was  generally  with  God,  looking  forward  with 
peace  and  joy  to  the  happiness  of  another  world. 

Dec.  28.  Psalm  Ixxxi.  13-16.  Compare  Isa.  xlviii.  18. 
With  what  earnestness  and  compassion  does  God  express  his 
regret,  that  his  people  have  not  enjoyed  more  of  spiritual 
comforts  !  Shall  we  then  ascribe  our  unhappiness  to  God  ? 
Oh  no.  He  is  far  more  anxious  to  load  us  with  blessings,  than 
to  deprive  us  of  them.     After  tea,  a  conversation  arising  in 


288  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1805. 

the  cuddy  about  Pope's  Universal  Praj-er,  they  desired  me 
to  read  it,  and  state  my  objections,  which  I  did,  and  had  an 
opportunity  of  answering  famiUarly  all  the  objections  they 
made  to  the  gospel.  But  I  was  again  astonished  at  their 
great  ignorance,  and  inability  to  comprehend  anything  of  the 
divine  plan,  on  a  subject  that  so  deeply  concerns  them. 
What  can  I  expect  to  teach  poor  heathens,  without  the 
Almighty  power  of  God  interfering ! 

Dec.  20.  (Sunday.)  "  My  beloved  spal^e,  and  said  unto 
me,  Rise  up,"  &c.  Cant.  ii.  10,  11.  Ah!  why  cannot  I  rise, 
and  go  forth,  and  meet  my  Lord  ?  Every  hindrance  is 
removed ;  the  wrath  of  God,  the  guilt  of  sin,  and  severity  of 
affliction  :  there  is  nothing  now  in  the  world,  that  has  any 
strong  hold  of  my  affections.  Preaclied  on  2  Peter  iii.  11, 
taking-  notice  at  the  end  of  these  remarkable  circumstances, 
that  made  the  text  particularly  applicable  to  us.  It  was  the 
last  Sabbath  of  a  year,  w^hich  had  been  memoi-able  to  us 
from  our  having  left  our  country  and  passed  through  many 
dangers.  Secondly,  within  a  few  days  they  were  to  meet  an 
enemy  on  the  field  of  buttle.  Thirdly,  the  death  of  the 
Captain.  I  was  enabled  to  be  self-collected,  and  in  some 
degree  tender.     There  was  a  great  impression  ;  many  were 

in  tears.     In  the  evening  Major  D and  McK ,  came 

to  my  cabin,  and  stayed  nearly  three  hours.  I  read  Romans 
vi.  and  vii.  and  explained  those  difficult  chapters  as  well  as  I 
could,  so  that  the  Major,  I  hope,  received  a  greater  insight 
into  them.  But  my  own  soul  after  these  ministrations  seemed 
to  have  received  harm  rather  than  good.  It  was  an  awful 
reflection  that  Judas  was  a  preacher,  perhaps  a  successful 
one.  Oh  let  my  soul  tremble,  lest  after  preaching  to  others, 
I  myself  should  be  a  cast-away  ! 

Dec.  31.  Thus  hath  the  Lord  brought  me  to  the  conclu- 
sion of  another  year.  In  the  evening,  both  by  myself,  and 
with  McK.,  had  solemn  seasons  of  prayer.     We  read  Psalm 


1805.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  289 

xc,  and  conversed  about  the  shortness  of  time,  &c.,  and 
other  subjects  suggested  by  the  conclusion  of  the  year.  I 
felt  at  night  a  very  affecting  sense  of  my  want  of  love.  I 
may  have  the  tongue  of  men  and  angels,  or  all  knowledge, 
or  faith,  and  give  my  body  to  be  burned  ;  yet  without  love, 
it  profiteth  nothing.  As  often  as  I  stirred  up  myself  to  cry  to 
God  for  his  grace,  my  heart  was  warmed ;  but  it  continued 
lively  but  for  a  short  time.  Oh  how  wretched  is  a  soul 
without  grace !  If  I  could  not  be  made  holy,  I  would  not 
wish  to  exist ;  I  cannot  conceive  any  pleasure  m  the  universe, 
without  having  the  soul  restored  to  order  and  conformity  to 
the  blessed  God. 


290  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

January  1,  1806.  The  last  year  is  the  most  memorable 
of  any  since  I  began  a  religious  life :  since  in  it  I  have  been 
thrust  out  to  be  a  laborer  in  God's  vineyard  among  the 
heathen;  many  dangers  have  I  endured  from  seas  and 
change  of  climate,  and  have  experienced  much  disturbance 
of  mind,  first  from  preparation  for  my  voj^age,  and  since  that, 
by  the  variety  of  scenes  into  which  I  have  been  introduced, 
and  very  severe  was  my  mental  suffering  on  leaving  Europe  ; 
but  through  the  never-failing  mercy  of  the  Lord,  I  am 
healthy  in  body,  and  quiet  in  my  mind.  From  the  perusal 
of  my  journal,  I  am  surprised,  and  grieved  at  the  unhumbled 
spirit  which  pervades  it.  I  have  at  present  to  mourn  over 
my  deadness  of  spirit,  so  destitute  of  love.  However,  with 
all  my  execrable  dulness  in  divine  things,  I  have  this  testi- 
mony for  good,  that  I  am  perfectly  weary  of  a  life  of  sin, 
that  my  unprofitableness  is  a  grievous  burden  to  me,  and  I 
am  far,  very  far  from  regretting  I  ever  came  on  this  delight- 
ful work.  Were  I  to  choose  for  myself,  I  could  scarcely 
find  a  situation  more  agreeable  to  my  taste.  Onward  there- 
fore let  me  go,  and  persevere  steadily  in  this  blessed  under- 
taking through  the  grace  of  God,  dying  daily  to  the  opinions 
of  men,  and  aiming  with  a  more  single  eye  to  the  glory  of 
the  everlasting  God.  In  prayer  in  the  evening  I  received 
much  comfort ;  I  was  enabled  to  bring  all  my  sorrows,  and 
lie  before  God  as  a  most  wretched  creature,  whose  barrenness 
testifies  against  him. 

Jan.  4.  About  sunset  the  fleet  came  to  an  anchor  ;  and  a 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  291 

signal  was  immediately  given  for  the  59  th  regiment  to  pre- 
pare to  land.  Our  men  were  soon  ready,  and  received  thirty- 
six  rounds  of  ball  cartridge ;  before  the  three  boats  were 
lowered  down  and  filled,  it  was  two  in  the  morning.  I 
stayed  up  to  see  them  off;  it  was  a  melancholy  scene;  the 
privates  were  keeping  up  their  spirits  by  affecting  to  joke 
about  the  approach  of  danger,  and  the  ladies  sitting  in  the 
cold  night  upon  the  grating  of  the  after-hatchway  over- 
whelmed with  grief.  The  interest  I  felt  in  the  outward 
scene,  distracted  me  very  much  from  the  things  that  are  not 
seen,  and  all  I  could  do  in  prayer  was  to  strive  against  this 
spirit.  But  with  what  horror  should  I  reflect  on  the  motions 
of  sin  within  me,  which  tempted  me  to  wish  for  bloodshed, 
as  something  gratifying  by  its  sublimity  !  My  spirit  would 
be  overwhelmed  by  such  a  consciousness  of  depravity,  but 
that  I  can  pray  still  deliberately  against  sin ;  and  often  the 
Lord  manifested  his  power,  by  making  the  same  sinful  soul 
to  feel  a  longing  desire,  that  the  blessed  gospel  of  peace 
might  soothe  the  spirits  of  men,  and  make  them  all  live 
together  in  harmony  and  love.  Yet  the  principle  within  me 
may  well  fill  me  with  shame  and  sorrow. 

Union,  in  Table  Bay,  Cape  of  Good  Hope, 
Jauuary  4,  1806,  (11  at  night.) 
Dear  Sargent, 

*  *  *  #  #  Saturday  night, 

the  instant  our  anchor  was  down,  when  I  began  this  letter,  a 
signal  was  given  for  the  59th  to  land.  I  stayed  up  till  two  in 
the  morning  to  take  my  leave  of  them,  and  was  grieved  to 
find  with  what  levity  and  profaneness  they  were  arming 
■  themselves  against  the  fears  of  death.  Of  my  own  men  I 
had  taken  a  solemn  and  affecting  farewell,  by  commending 
them  to  the  grace  of  God.  Poor  souls  !  from  the  report  we 
have  of  the  force  ashore,  I  fear  many  of  them  will  never 
return. 


292  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

Two  days  after  writing  the  above,  a  battle  was  fought.  I  went 
ashore  a  few  hours  after  it,  and  saw  the  wounded  and  dead 
lying  on  the  field,  but  the  particulars  I  have  not  time  to  relate. 
I  beg  my  kindest  remembrance  to  Mrs.  S.,  of  whom  I  make 
mention  with  you  without  ceasing  in  my  prayers.  May  you 
both  live,  my  beloved  friends,  happy  in  one  another,  but  find- 
ing your  chief  happiness  in  God  !  Confessing  that  you  are 
strangers  and  pilgrims  upon  earth,  not  having  here  a  contin- 
uing city,  and  seeking  one  to  come.  I  beg  the  continuance 
Df  your  prayers,  especially  at  those  seasons  when  you  inter- 
cede for  the  general  cause  of  our  blessed  Lord. 
I  remain,  ever  your's  affectionately, 

H.  Martyn. 
To  the  Rev.  John  Sargent. 

Jan.  5.  (Sunday.)  No  service  ;  the  body  of  our  troops 
which  had  gone  to  join  the  other  regiments  at  the  rendezvous, 
returned  this  morning  ;  after  waiting  near  shore  a  considerable 
time,  they  all  received  orders  to  return  to  their  respective 
ships.  Two  reasons  are  assigned  for  this,  one  that  the  surf 
was  too  high,  the  other  that  a  large  body  of  the  enemy  were 
stationed  behind  an  eminence,  ready  to  oppose  their  landing ; 
no  further  attempt  was  made  to-day,  but  the  man-of-war 
cruised  round  the  bay ;  I  was  mostly  upon  deck  sharing  the 
general  anxiety,  but  about  the  middle  of  the  day,  found  it 
necessary  to  withdraw  for  a  solemn  season  of  prayer,  to  bring 
back  my  soul  to  God.  The  Lord  mercifully  assisted  his  sinful 
creature,  and  the  rest  of  the  day  I  was  enabled  to  maintain  a 
more  proper  sense  of  the  vanity  of  all  outward  things,  and  the 
infinite  precious  importance  of  setting  the  Lord  always  before 
me  ;  I  went  below  in  the  afternoon,  but  found  the  deck 
strewed  with  the  soldiei'S  all  asleep  ;  M'K.  returned  from  the 

Duchess  of  Gordon  to-day,  and  with  Major  D ,  came  to 

my  cabin  in  the  evening.     We  read  Romans  viii. ;  the  Major's 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  293 

objections  led  to  the  old  subject  of  the  heathen,  how  they 
should  be  left  in  such  a  state.  I  said  little,  when  little  was 
to  be  said  to  the  purpose,  and  resolved  all  into  the  sovereignty 
of  God.  This  dwelt  very  strongly  on  my  mind,  and  when  we 
prayed,  I  was  greatly  assisted  to  approach  him  as  a  sovereign  : 
"  Be  still,  and  know  that  I  am  God."  Remained  peaceful 
and  happy  the  rest  of  the  evening. 

Jan.  7.  The  59th  landed  early  this  morning.  Poor  B. 
and  the  others  gave  me  a  last  affectionate  look  after  they  were 
in  the  boats.  After  they  were  all  gone  1  returned  to  pray, 
and  found  at  first  delightful  access  to  God,  and  freed  )m  in 
prayer  for  the  poor  soldiers  ;  but  afterwards  grew  stupid. 
The  idleness  in  which  I  had  been  these  two  or  three  days  left 
me  indisposed  for  exertion,  and  it  was  with  the  utmost 
difficulty  that  I  could  get  my  heart  into  anything  of  a  right 
state.  Had  somewhat  of  a  reviving  season  in  prayer  this  even- 
ing, and  was  made  to  see  especially  my  shameful  deficiencies 
in  love  and  joy.  As  often  as  I  stir  up  this  slothful  heart  to 
these  divine  exercises,  God  blesses  the  endeavor.  0  my  soul, 
rejoice  in  Christ  Jesus !  Love  God  more,  and  thy  brother 
more.  The  commodore  with  two  gun-brigs  has  been  can- 
nonading a  battery.  My  cabin-door  and  vvindoAvs  shake  at 
every  gun. 

Jan.  9 — 12.  As  I  heard  there  was  service  at  an  English 
church  in  the  afternoon,  I  was  making  preparations  for  going 
ashore  ;  and  by  this  means  wounded  my  peace  of  mind,  by 
rendering  myself  unfit  for  undivided  attention  to  divine  things 
on  this  holy  day  ;  but  afterwards  was  much  blessed  in  medi- 
tation on  Psalm  xii.  24,  and  felt  quite  happy  at  the  prospect 
of  the  future  glory  of  the  church,  and  God's  great  mercy  in 
restoring  me  to  such  peacefulness  of  mind.  In  the  evening, 
the  ladies  were  alarmed  at  the  intelligence,  that  the  59th  had 
been  ordered  to  march  with  six  field  pieces,  against  the 
enemy,  who  are  still  in  the  country  somewhere,  though  the 


294  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

enemy  have  surrendered  the  fort.  The  Major  was  coming 
to  me  for  our  usual  Sunday's  service,  when  I  was  sent  for  to 
the  ladies,  and  thus  I  had  no  one  social  ordinance  through 
the  day.     The  wind  now  blows  a  hurricane. 

Jan.  13.  I  had  been  anxiously  inquiring  about  Dr.  Van- 
derkemp.  I  was  much  surprised  to  find  Dr.  V.  so  old  a 
man,  he  had  every  appearance  of  being  about  eighty  years 
of  age;  Major  D.  at  night  proposed  sending  them  £10, 
which  I  Avas  much  pleased  at,  both  on  their  own  account  and 
his  own. 

Jan.  21.  I  was  agreeably  surprised  to  be  introduced  to 
several  of  the  Hottentot  sisters,  and  two  brethren,  of  whom  I 
had  read  ;  they  had  travelled  from  Bethelsdorp,  and  brought 
the  produce  of  their  elephant  hunting.  The  tusks  and  teeth 
were  lying  on  the  ground ;  the  dried  flesh  of  the  rhinoceros 
and  spring- back  was  in  bags,  dried  by  exposure  to  the  sun  ; 
there  were  also  whip-sticks  an  inch  and  a  half  thick,  cut  from 
the  skin  of  the  rhinoceros  ;  I  tasted  some  of  the  flesh,  and 
wrapped  myself  in  the  kaross.  The  poor  dear  people  had 
much    expression  in  their  countenances,  and  I  regretted  that 

I  could  not  converse  with  them.     Drank  tea  at  Mr.  L 's, 

but  had  no  conversation  except  with  the  missionaries,  from 
whom  I  had  an  account  of  their  manner  of  administering  the 
two  sacraments.  With  respect  to  meat,  they  were  apt  to  be 
surfeited  with  animal  food,  for  want  of  bread.  The  number 
of  missionary  brethren  at  our  station  should  be  three,  for  if 
two  only,  then  if  one  is  ill,  too  much  woi'k  devolves  on  the 
other.  If  things  at  any  time  did  not  seem  prosperous  among 
the  people,  they  would  unite  in  prayer,  after  which  there 
would  always  be  some  new  manifestations  of  divine  grace. 
They  thought  no  qualifications  particularly  requisite  for  mis- 
sionaries, and  that  young  men  offering  themselves  should  not 
be  detained  in  England,  and  then  sent  as  missionaries,  but 
sent  at  once  to  be  assistants  to  established  missions  for  two 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  295 

or  three  years,  that  they  might  see  what  sort  of  life  it  is  ;  if 
they  find  themselves  unfit  they  might  retire  without  dis- 
grace ;  for  some  had  come  out  from  Holland,  and  said  they 
couM  not  continue  missionaries,  except  they  could  be  sup- 
ported as  gentlemen.  Read,  when  tired  with  study,  used  to 
go  to  the  house  of  the  Hottentots,  and  listen  to  their  hunting 
stories.  They  thought  the  Bible  was  given  to  thetAvo  mis- 
sionaries only,  and  were  greatly  at  a  loss  to  know  what  they 
should  do  when  the  missionaries  were  dead.  After  they 
were  taught,  they  began  to  say,  "  Why  did  the  boors  keep 
away  from  us  those  little  scratchi  and  dots  ?  The  Caffres, 
Dr.  V.  thinks,  are  of  Arabian  origin  ;  they  circumcise  their 
children  at  fourteen  years  old,  after  the  manner  of  the  Arabs. 
Hottentots'  language  entirely  different ;  great  resemblance  to 
the  Hebrew,  having  the  same  conjugations,  but  no  difference 
of  gender  in  the  verbs.  The  Hottentots  were  exceedingly 
deligiited  with  the  idea  of  the  resurrection,  as  they  said  they 
should  see  their  old  friends  aofain,  but  reirretted  it  was  not 
to  take  place  yet  awhile. 

Jan.  22.  Employed  in  writing  to  E ;  my  heart  was 

full  of  the  tenderest  affection  to  her,  and  Lydia,  and  the  peo- 
ple of  God,  but  yet  in  many  respects  cold  in  the  service  of 
God.  Went  with  brother  Read  to  visit  the  hospital,  where 
the  wounded  English  were.  Met  with  F.  of  the  24th,  at 
whose  request  we  went  to  his  room,  and  met  several  ofUcers. 
For  my  conformity  to  them  I  felt  miserably  grieved  after- 
wards, and  could  have  hidden  my  head  in  the  dust.  In 
prayer,  God  was  pleased  to  give  me  to  feel  sorrow  for  my 
sin,  and  peace  and  tenderness  of  heart  the  rest  of  the 
evening. 

Jan.  23,  24.  Drank  tea  with  Read,  at  Mr.  Y.'s,  and  there 
met  Smith,  a  Dutch  missionary.  Mrs.  V.,  who  spoke  Eng- 
lish well,  gave  me  an  account  of  the  Briewas.  She  said  the 
country  was    under  the  dominion  of  four  kings,  who  were 


296  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

generally  at  war  with  one  another  ;  the  people  were  utterly- 
averse  to  receive  the  gospel,  thought  they  conferred  an  obli- 
gation by  listening,  and  made  it  a  plea  for  getting  tobacco 
from  him,  &c.,  but  showed  no  other  disposition  to  persecute 
them  than  what  must  be  expected  from  savage  nations  ;  so 
that  I  really  could  not  see  that  Mr.  Vanderlingee  had  done 
right  in  leaving  them. 

Feb.  5.  Had  a  little  conversation  with  Read  on  the  beach, 
not  thinking  it  would  be  the  last  time  I  should  see  him. 
We  spoke  again  of  the  excellency  of  the  missionary  work. 
The  last  time  I  had  stood  on  the  shore  with  a  friend,  speak- 
ing on  the  same  subject,  was  with  Lydia,  at  Marazion ;  and 
this  recurring  to  my  mind,  I  mentioned  her  to  Read.  He 
said  that' at  his  first  outset  he  did  not  think  himself  at  all  at 
liberty  to  think  upon  marriage,  this  text  being  continually 
suggested  to  him,  "  Seek  first  the  kingdom  of  God,"  &c. 

Feb.  8.  Went  aboard  at  five  in  the  morning,  and  passed 
much  of  the  day  in  arranging  my  cabin  and  preparations  for 
to-morrow.  A  gloom  seemed  to  hang  upon  all  the  passen- 
gers, at  beginning  so  long  a  trip  as  from  hence  to  India,  after 
the  weariness  of  so  long  a  voyage.  But  there  was  no  wind 
all  day,  so  that  our  patience  had  a  further  trial.  If  the  Lord 
vouchsafe  his  presence,  all  places  are  alike  to  me,  sea  or 
land. 

Feb.  11.  Had  great  grief  and  humiliation  in  prayer,  for 
having  said  something  very  severe  to  the  captain,  which  vexed 
him  not  a  little,  though  I  certainly  did  not  intend  it.  My 
soul  was  full  of  anguish  at  having  giving  another  unnecessary 
pain,  and  saw  guilt  enough  in  not  having  a  rule  over  my 
tongue.  Had  I  been  breathing  love  to  his  soul,  and  in  the 
habit  of  praying  to  God  for  him,  I  could  not  have  spoken  in 
such  a  manner ;  I  thought,  Christ  has  sent  me  forth  as  an 
under- shepherd,  to  win  the  wandering  sheep  by  every  act  of 
kindness ;  and  yet  I,  through  my  wickedness,  drive  them 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  297 

farther  from  the  fold.  God  was  graciously  pleased  to  open 
to  my  mind  new  and  solemnizing  views  of  eternal  things,  so 
that  my  thoughts  and  affections  sweetly  rested  in  heaven. 

Feb.  12.  Continued  very  unwell,  so  that  I  could  encrajre  in 
no  regular  employment.  Read  Isaiah  and  Persian  at  inter- 
vals. By  reading  Leighton's  rules  for  a  holy  life,  I  found  my- 
self most  awfully  affected,  and  felt  such  a  deep  conviction  of 
the  necessity  of  holiness,  and  such  a  desire  after  it,  that  when 
I  was  amongst  the  rest  at  dinner,  I  felt  quite  grieved  and 
shocked  at  every  little  levity.  However,  if  I,  in  a  little  more 
spiritual  frame,  feel  astonished  at  the  universal  thoughtless- 
ness of  men,  what  must  the  infinitely  holy  God  think  of  them  ; 
and  of  me,  when  I  conform  to  them  !  What  I  had  been  read- 
ing in  Leighton,  remained  much  on  my  mind.  I  felt  alto- 
gether a  new  frame,  a  conviction  and  desire  after  such  altera- 
tions, but  scarcely  courage  to  attempt  it ;  but  withal,  the 
deepest  spirit  of  devotion  I  have  felt  for  a  long  time  past. 
Towards  night  my  soul  seemed  to  sink  in  deep  waters,  and  a 
horrible  dread  overwhelmed  me.  To  forsake  every  species  of 
earthly  enjoyment,  to  crucify,  and  mortify,  not  only  sinful 
pleasures,  but  all  complacency  in  created  enjoyments,  seemed 
to  leave  me  wretched  ;  and  the  distance  which  I  found  in  my- 
self from  that  simple  living  upon  God,  and  the  great  diffi- 
culty of  attaining  to  it,  oppressed  me  with  darkness  and  dis- 
tress. Yet  I  scarcely  knew  what  it  was  that  oppressed  me. 
In  prayer  afterwards,  it  seemed  to  be  the  unawakened  state 
of  my  hearers  that  chiefly  made  me  melancholy. 

Feb.  13.  After  breakfast  had  a  solemn  season  in  prayer, 
with  the  same  impressions  as  yesterday,  from  Leighton,  and 
tried  to  give  up  myself  wholly  to  God,  not  only  to  be  re- 
signed solely  to  his  will,  but  to  seek  my  only  pleasure  from 
it;  to  depart  altogether  from  the  world,  and  be  exactly  the 
same  in  happiness,  whether  painful  or  pleasing  dispensations 
were  appointed  me ;  I  endeavored  to  realize  again  the  truth, 
13* 


298  '  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

that  suffering  was  my  appointed  portion,  and  that  it  became 
me  to  expect  it  as  my  daily  lot.  Yet  after  all,  I  was  ready 
to  cry  out,  what  an  unfortunate  creature  I  am,  the  child  of 
sorrow  and  care  !  from  my  infancy  I  have  met  with  nothing 
but  contradiction  ;  but  I  always  solaced  myself,  that  one  day 
it  would  be  better,  and  I  should  find  myself  comfortably 
settled  in  the  enjoyment  of  domestic  pleasures,  whereas,  after 
all  the  wearying  labors  of  school  and  college,  I  am  at  last  ctit 
off  from  all  my  friends,  and  comforts,  and  dearest  hopes, 
without  being  permitted  even  to  hope  for  them  any  more. 
As  I  walked  the  de'ck,  I  found  that  the  conversation  of  others, 
and  m.y  own  gloomy  surmises  of  my  future  trials,  affected  me 
far  less  with  vexation  than  they  formerly  did ;  merely  from 
this,  that  I  took  it  as  my  portion  from  God,  all  whose  dis- 
pensations I  am  bound  to  consider  and  receive  as  the  fruits 
of  infinite  wisdom  and  love  towards  me.  I  felt  therefore 
very  quiet,  and  was  manifestly  strengthened  fi'om  above  with 
might  in  ni}'-  inner  man ;  therefore  without  any  joy,  without 
any  pleasant  considerations  to  balance  my  present  sickness 
and  gloom,  I  was  contented  from  the  reflection  that  it  was 
God  who  did  it.  I  pray  that  this  may  be  m)^  state,  neither 
to  be  anxious  to  escape  from  this  stormy  sea,  that  was  round 
the  Cape,  nor  to  change  the  tedious  scene  of  the  ship  for 
Madras,  nor  to  leave  this  world  merely  to  get  rid  of  the 
troubles  of  it ;  but  to  glorify  God  where  I  am,  and  where  he 
puts  me,  and  to  take  each  day  as  an  important  trust  for  him, 
in  which  I  have  much  to  do  both  in  sufferino-  and  actinor. 
Employed  in  collecting  from  the  New  Testament  all  the  pas- 
sages that  refer  to  our  walking  in  Christ. 

Feb,  15.  Sickness  beinof  removed,  and  outward  thincrs  beino" 
more  agreeable,  I  found  it  more  difficult  to  look  off  from  all 
things  to  God,  than  when  I  was  troubled ;  and  thus  have  I 
actually  been  happier  in  affliction  than  at  other  times.  I  know 
however  so  well  by  experience  now,  how  sweet  and  happy  a 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  299 

life  it  is  to  live  by  faith,  that  I  was  earnest  to  keep  close  to 
God,  and  be  utterly  indifferent  about  the  outward  scene. 

Feb.  16.  (Sunday.)  Felt  the  utmost  reluctance  to  the 
public  duties  of  the  day ;  but  instead  of  laboring  to  perceive 
some  pleasantness  in  my  work,  as  I  used  to  do,  in  order  to 
reconcile  myself  to  it,  I  calmly  considered  it  as  a  cross,  and 
then,  from  a  principle  of  resignation,  had  my  mind  made  up 
to  go  right  through  every  difficulty  in  obedience  to  God. 
Preached  from  Psalm  ciii.  1-4,  as  suitable  to  the  occasion  of 
its  being  the  first  service  after  their  return  from  the  battle. 
The  congregation  was  small,  and  those  who  were  there  seemed 
to  show  a  great  deal  of  determined  inattention  and  contempt, 
i.  e.  the  common  soldiers.  The  3'ounger  officers  were  none 
of  them  present ;  they  annoy  McK.  most ;  to  me  they  seldom 
speak.  "  Come,  now,"  they  said  to  McK.,  as  he  went  down, 
"  let  us  have  a  little  of  the  humbug: ;"  and  then  beo-an  to 
mimic  the  singing  of  psalms.  S.,  in  the  afternoon,  at  which 
time  he  is  always  intoxicated,  finding  McK.  reading  the  Bible, 

said  '' the  Bible  !"     Poor  unhappy  creature,  the  terrors 

of  God  are  manifestly  upon  his  conscience,  for  in  his  drunk- 
enness he  is  always  talking  of  religion.  After  the  service, 
felt  very  contented  to  be  among  this  people,  and  to  be  left 
without  any  fruit,  since  such  was  the  will  of  God.  I  con- 
tinued in  a  solemn  and  mournful  frame.  Going  below  in  the 
aftei'noon,  I  found  the  tailor  and  sergeant  at  the  usual  place 
of  our  meeting,  employed  in  cutting  out  clothes.  I  read 
Luke  xix.,  and  found  great  freedom  in  speaking  from  several 
parts ;  there  was  great  noise  and  levity  all  about  it,  so  that  I 
was  at  first  afraid  to  pray,  but  considering  that  eternal  things 
ought  not  to  give  place  to  the  Devil,  I  began,  and  soon  all 
was  silent.  Thus  the  Lord  fulfils  his  promise,  of  making  my 
forehead  strong  against  their  foreheads,  as  an  adamant  harder 

than  flint.     B sat  with  me  in  the  evening ;  during  the 

conversation  my  heart  was  filled  with  joy  in  God,  and  all  that 


300  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

was  within  me  blessed  his  holy  name ;  but  in  prayer  alone  I 
rather  endeavored  to  have  solemn  thoughts  of  God,  and  deep 
considerations  of  the  necessity  of  perfect  submission,  than  give 
way  to  the  flow  of  joy.  I  perceived  for  the  first  time  the 
difference  between  sensible  sweetness  in  religion,  and  the 
really  valuable  attainments  in  vital  godliness. 

Feb.  \1.  Had  reason  enough  to  accuse  myself  of  idleness. 
Wrote  a  little  on  a  divine  subject,  and  was  somewhat  solemn 
in  the  employment ;  but  by  giving  way  to  a  light  spirit, 
brought  a  sense  of  guilt  on  my  mind,  and  a  burdensome  ina- 
bility to  be  holy  and  devout  in  my  thoughts.  Oh  what  a 
miserable  existence  is  life,  except  the  time  be  well  filled  up 
with  profitable  work,  and  the  soul  conformed  to  the  mind 
which  was  in  Christ  Jesus  ! 

Feb.  18.  Completed  my  twenty-fifth  year.  Let  me  re- 
collect it  to  my  own  shame,  and  be  warned  by  it,  to  spend 
my  future  years  to  a  better  purpose  ;  unless  this  be  the  case, 
it  is  of  very  little  consequence  to  notice  when  such  a  person 
came  into  the  world.  Passed  much  of  the  morning  in  prayer, 
but  could  not  succeed  at  all  in  getting  an  humble  and  con- 
trite spirit ;  my  pride  and  self-esteem  seemed  unconquerable. 
Wrote  sermon  with  my  mind  impressed  with  the  necessity 
of  diligence :  had  the  usual  service,  and  talked  much  to  a 
sick  man ;  we  continued  between  two  ships,  without  any 
seamen  fit  for  such  difficult  steering.  I  did  not  go  to  bed 
till  very  late,  and  when  I  did,  it  was  with  such  expectation 
of  being  awakened  by  the  summons  of  death,  that  I  got  little 
or  no  sleep  the  w^iole  night ;  nature  trembled  at  passing  into 
another  world,  but  my  soul  was  enabled  to  perceive  God  to 
be  my  reconciled  Father. 

Feb.  19.  Private  duties  encroached  so  far  on  the  morning, 
through  my  extreme  idleness  and  want  of  energy  in  the  per- 
formance of  them,  that  I  could  do  but  little  afterwards.  Read 
Hindoostanee  ;  the  gale  of  wind  continuing,  and  much  water 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  301 

fl3'ing  over  the  sides,  all  the  hatches  were  shut  down,  so  that 
there  was  perfect  darkness  below ;  however,  I  visited  the 
sick  man,  being  obliged  to  feel  my  way  to  him.  I  am  always 
sm'prised  at  the  perfect  contentment  with  which  they  seem 
to  lie.  This  man  was  swinging  in  his  hammock  in  darkness, 
and  heat,  and  damp,  without  a  creature  to  speak  to  him,  and 
in  a  burning  fever.  I  gave  him  a  few  grapes  which  had  been 
given  me,  to  allay  his  thirst.  How  great  the  pleasure  of 
doino^  o-ood  even  to  the  bodies  of  men  !  He  said  he  had  been 
thinking  of  what  I  had  told  him  ever  since,  but  showed  no 
true  marks  of  seriousness.  As  I  was  entering  in  my  common- 
place book  something  from  Brown  of  this  kind,  "  that  if  from 
regard  to  God's  Sabbaths,  I  deny  myself,  he  will  more  than 
make  it  up  to  me,"  I  could  not  help  recollecting,  how  this 
had  been  fulfilled  to  me  this  very  day ;  for  the  Sunday  we 
sailed  from  the  Cape,  a  boat  coming  alongside  with  fruit,  I 
did  not  think  it  right  to  buy  any,  though  I  longed  to  have 
some  to  carry  to  sea.  To-day,  Mr.  Reynolds,  the  new  pas- 
senger, to  whom  I  scarcely  ever  spoke,  surprised  me  by  send- 
ing me  a  plate  of  fruit,  by  which  I  have  not  only  been  re- 
freshed, but  enabled  to  relieve  this  poor  sick  creature.  Was 
greatly  distressed  at  my  hardness  of  heart,  and  thought  of 
the  expediency  of  adding  fasting  to  prayer,  to  enable  me  to 
attain  to  escape  from  the  miseiy  of  pride,  fulness  of  bread, 
and  abundance  of  idleness  ;  but  from  this  the  flesh  shrinks 
with  extraordinary  dread. 

Feb.  20.  Prayed  with  earnestness  for  a  spirit  of  humilia- 
tion, and  after  some  time,  vras  blest,  through  divine  mercy, 
with  a  sense  of  my  own  sinfulness  and  ingratitude.  I  felt  it 
good  and  suitable,  that  one  so  vile  should  walk  through  the 
world  overwhelmed  with  contrition  and  love,  receiving  with 
grateful  contentment  every  painful  dispensation,  because  not 
worthy  to  enjoy  the  light  of  this  world.  I  found  it  useful  to 
try  my  heart  in  its  aspect  towards  sinners ;  for  when  I  am 


302  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

disposed  to  be  angry  and  bitter  against  them,  I  have  seated 
myself  in  the  Judge's  chair,  instead  of  lying  Avitli  my  face  in 
the  dust,  as  the  basest  of  them  all.  I  pray  therefore,  that 
God  would  glorify  himself  by  the  gifts  and  graces  of  all  his 
creatures,  and  put  honor  upon  them,  but  make  me  take  my 
place  at  the  bottom  of  them,  unnoticed,  unknown,  and  for- 
gotten. While  this  temper  lasted  it  was  well  enough  with 
me  ;  all  w^as  serene  and  serious  ;  but  alas  !  I  soon  lost  it,  and 
became  somebody  again. 

Feb.  21.  Employed  through  the  day  in  writing  sermon, 
and  learning  Hindoostanee  roots.  Was  led  to  pray  for  grace 
to  live  simply  by  faith,  and  to  maintain  the  life  of  devotion, 
not  by  outward  aids,  but  hj  immediate  union  with  Christ 
and  dependence  on  his  grace.  In  general,  I  find,  that  in  be- 
ginning to  pray,  I  transport  myself  in  imagination  to  some 
solitary  spot,  or  to  some  scene  which  I  have  found  favorable 
to  devotion,  and  there  fancy  myself  praying.  The  bad  con- 
sequence of  this  is,  that  when  I  open  my  eyes  and  am  con- 
versant with  the  things  around  me,  I  am  distressed  and  una- 
ble to  maintain  such  a  sense  of  God's  presence ;  imagination 
seems  to  be  a  sort  of  help,  like  music,  not  entirely  to  be  de- 
spised, because  both  have  quickened  the  languid  spirit  of 
devotion  ;  yet  I  feel  that  I  ought  to  learn  to  live  without 
the  help  of  it,  because  in  sickness  and  old  age  it  may  not  be 
in  exercise. 

Feb.  22.  Conscience  greatly  wounded  by  trifling  and  waste 
of  time,  when  I  ought  to  be  in  prayer,  and  by  instantly  after 
falling  into  the  same  sins,  I  had  really  felt  humbled  and 
grieved.  Oh,  the  great  forbearance  of  God  !  Found  much 
matter  for  prayer  in  Isaiah  xxvi.  and  xxvii.  My  soul  is  rest- 
less without  God,  At  some  moments  the  glimpses  of  His 
glory  elevate  my  soul  above  the  world,  and  make  me  follow 
hard  after  him  ;  at  other  times  I  am  carnal,  full  of  fears 
about  the  opinions  of  men,  and  dissatisfied  with  my  lot.     Oh 


1806. j  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  303 

for  perfect  holiness  !  oh  for  heaven,  where  the  disorders  of 
my  soul  shall  be  removed  ! 

Feb,  23.  (Sunday.)  In  great  want  of  spirituality  in  all  the 
public  and  private  duties  of  the  day.  Preached  on  John  i. 
14,  and  was  more  comfortable  than  at  any  other  time  of  the 
day.  Was  vexed  with  the  worldly  and  wicked  conversation 
of  all  around  me  ;  in  the  irritable  state  of  mind  in  w^hich  I 
was,  I  rather  considered  my  anger  as  corruption  to  be  striven 
aofainst,  than  zeal  to  be  encouraoed. 

Feb.  24.  Employed  this  morning  in  Hindoostanee,  and 
the  evening  in  writing ;  the  afternoon  below  decks,  and  had 
much  comfort  and  enjoyment  in  secret  praj^er.  Saw  great 
reason  to  strive  against  sensuality  at  my  meals,  and  at  dinner- 
time to-day  was  enabled  to  mortify  my  appetites,  and  to 
consider  my  body  strictly  as  intended  to  be  as  no  instrument 
of  my  own  pleasure,  but  to  be  used  and  refreshed  for  God's 
service. 

Feb.  26.  How  constantly  and  earnestly  has  God  assured 
his  people  of  the  future  ingathering  of  the  Gentiles  ;  I  have 
seen  it  more  and  more  of  late  in  Isaiah,  and  pray^God  I  may 
be  stirred  up  to  pray  fervently  for  the  fulfilment  of  his  pro- 
mises. And  oh  that  I  myself  may  live  with  God,  and  behold 
the  w^orld  and  its  concerns  w4th  the  eye  of  a  stranger !  En- 
deavored to  keep  this  text  before  me  at  dinner  time,  "  For- 
getting the  things  which  are  behind,  and  reaching  forth  unto 
the  things  which  are  before,  I  press  toward  the  mark,  for 
the  prize  of  the  high  calling  of  God  in  Christ  Jesus."  Oh 
the  high  and  holy  work  of  a  believer !  Every  day  is  given 
to  me  to  obtain  new  grace,  to  put  new  graces  into  exercise, 
and  improve  those  that  I  have,  whatever  they  may  be.  God 
help  me  of  his  mercy  to  walk  more  evenly  and  holily  ! 

Feb.  27.  Rose  once  more  after  a  sleepless  night,  and  had 
in  consequence  a  peevish  temper  to  contend  with.  Had  a 
comfortable   and  fervent  season  of  prayer,  in  the   morning, 


804  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

while  interceding  for  the  heathen  from  some  of  the  chapters 
in  Isaiah.  How  striking  did  those  v/ords,  Isaiah  xhi.  8,  ap- 
pear to  me,  "  I  am  the  Lord,  that  is  my  name,  and  my  glory 
will  I  not  give  to  another,  neither  my  praise  to  graven 
images."  Lord,  is  not  thy  praise  given  to  graven  images  in 
India  ?  here  then  is  thine  own  express  word  that  it  shall  not 
continue  to  be  so.  And  how  easy  is  it  for  the  mighty  God, 
that  created  the  heavens  and  stretched  them  out,  that  spread 
foi-th  the  earth,  and  that  which  cometh  out  of  it ;  that  giveth 
breath  unto  the  people  upon  it,  and  spirit  to  them  that  walk 
therein  ;  to  effect  his  purposes  in  a  moment !  Who  knows 
whether  even  the  present  generation  may  not  see  Satan's 
throne  shaken  to  its  base  in  India  ?  Learning  Hindoostanee 
words  in  the  morning  ;  in  the  afternoon  below,  and  much 
hurt  at  the  cold  reception  the  men  gave  me, 

Feb.  28.  Had  still  much  comfort  and  enlargement  in 
prayer  over  the  chapters  of  Isaiah.  Learnt  Hindoostanee 
w^rds,  which,  however  dry  an  employment  in  itself,  is  made 
so  delightful  to  me  through  the  mercy  of  God,  that  I  could 
with  pkasm-e  he  always  at  it.  From  the  want  of  the  usual 
refreshment  of  coffee  at  night,  which  is  not  to  be  given  any 
more  on  the  voyage,  I  was  led  into  many  reflections  on  self- 
denial  in  general,  I  find  it  a  very  hard  matter  to  hve  inde- 
pendently of  the  flesh,  and  to  feel  the  same  pleasure  in  God, 
and  the  same  general  contentment,  when  deprived  of  accus- 
tomed indulgences,  as  when  enjoying  them.  Finding  I  was 
looking  forward  with  pleasure  to  the  refreshment  of  wine 
and  water,  which  I  should  receive  at  night  from  the  cuddy, 
I  determined  to  mortify  this  carnality,  by  sending  it  to  the 
sick,  whose  necessities  indeed  made  it  a  duty  to  do  so. 
After  this,  though  a  little  heavy,  and  without  any  sensible 
pleasure  in  rehgion,  I  felt  a  great  hardihood  of  soul,  and 
superiority  to  all  difficulties. 

March  2.   (Sunday.)  The  ship  running  nine  knots  an  hour, 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  305 

and  the  sea  sometimes  flying  over  the  side,  the  Captain  had 
no  service.  McK.  coming  into  the  cabin,  read  a  few  of  the 
church  prayers,  afterwards  we  read  sacred  Scripture  and 
some  of  the  Homihes.  Afterwards,  in  secret,  had  a  solemn 
season  of  meditation  and  prayer  on  Phihppians  and  1  Cor. 
xiii.  Reading  some  of  Leighton  on  Peter,  I  was  somewhat 
dejected  at  the  apparent  impossibihty  of  attaining  the  spirit- 
uality and  holiness  which  he  describes,  or  at  least  at  the  pain 
to  the  flesh,  with  which  such  exertions  must  be  attended. 
Went  in  to  dinner  unwillingly,  yet  determined  to  mortify  all 
my  carnal  appetites.  In  prayer  alone  afterwards,  my  soul 
rose  with  joy,  and  tasted  a  more  pure  and  spiritual  pleasure 
than  for  a  long  time  past.  I  saw  nothing  in  the  world  com- 
parable to  the  service  of  God  ;  no  possession  on  earth  so 
sweet  as  his  own  image. 

March  3.  Had  some  thoughts  of  devoting  this  day  to 
fasting  and  prayer ;  but  rising  with  a  cold,  and  the  air  ex- 
ceedingly damp,  I  thought  that  fasting  would  expose  me  to 
the  attack  of  fever,  especially  while  going  among  those  who 
have  it.  Continued,  however,  in  the  spirit  of  prayer,  and 
notw^ithstanding  the  great  want  of  diligence  in  all  I  did,  my 
soul  seemed  under  a  spiritual  influence,  so  that  I  found  sweet 
delight  in  prayer,  and  the  thought  of  passing  all  my  time  in 
prayer,  and  keeping  my  body  completely  under  for  that  pur- 
pose. Met  with  some  things  in  Hartley  on  Man,  on  the  sub- 
ject of  temperance,  which  I  found  useful ;  I  want  to  have 
nothing  to  do  with  the  world.  May  I  ever  remain  free  and 
disentangled,  pursuing  my  way  unnoticed  through  the  wil- 
derness, finding  all  my  pleasure  in  secret  communion  with 
God,  and  in  seeing  him  glorified  ! 

March  4.  My  mind  tolerably  spiritual,  and  finding  plea- 
sure in  the  thought  of  spending  all  my  time  in  prayer,  and 
crucifixion  of  the  body ;  but  ^vas  obliged  again  to  defer  the 
setting  apart  a  day  for  prayer,  on  account  of  my  cold,  which 


306  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

makes  me  very  stupid.  Employed  chiefly  in  Hindoostanee. 
Still  no  service  in  the  afternoon,  through  the  illness  of  my 
people.  Found  an  opportunity  of  speaking  to  Corporal  B., 
who  has  kept  away  from  us  ever  since  coming  abroad  from 
the  Cape.  Oh  how  various  and  important  are  the  duties  of 
a  minister !  they  require  far  more  wisdom  than  I  possess. 
This  young  man  naturally  has  a  bad  temper,  and  the  ill-will 
he  has  brought  upon  himself  by  it  from  all  the  soldiers,  has 
unhinged  his  mind,  and  proved  a  temptation  to  forsake  God 
and  his  ordinances.  Had  a  happy  season  of  prayer  with 
McK.  at  night,  but  still  my  slothfulness  and  unfruitfulness  is 
an  enemy  to  my  peace. 

March  5.  Oh,  Spirit  of  God  !  fix  the  eyes  of  thy  wretched 
creature  upon  his  former  sins,  which  thou  hast  brought  to 
his  mind,  else  he  will  instantly  forget  them  and  think  of 
something  else,  and  become  again  self-complacent !  I  was 
made  to  recollect  this  morninq;  somethino-  of  mv  wickedness 
in  my  conduct  years  ago.  Oh,  since  I  am  not  now  in  the 
burning  flame,  what  shall  I  do  ?  how  shall  my  walk  and 
conversation  be  ever  consistent  with  such  miracles  of  mercy  ? 
How  can  I  be  so  barefaced  as  to  stand  up  to  rebuke  sin  ? 
How  can  I  dare  to  be  angry  with  sinners  ?  Teach  thou  me, 
oh  God  !  since  it  is  permitted  thy  creature  to  speak  to  thee. 
This  day  was  set  apart  for  fasting  and  prayer ;  the  morning 
was  spent  in  the  work  of  humiliation,  and  through  mercy 
there  was  no  great  difficulty.  The  hard  heart  was  broken, 
and  contrite  in  a  certain  degree.  At  least  I  had  not  the  dis- 
tressing sensation  of  impudent  hard-heartedness,  which  I 
sometimes  feel  at  the  sight  of  sin.  In  the  afternoon,  began 
to  pray  for  the  setting  up  of  God's  kingdom  in  the  world, 
especially  in  India,  and  had  such  a  season  of  prayer  as  I 
never  had  before.  Notwithstanding  the  view  I  had  of  my 
dreadful  guilt  and  depravity  in  the  morning,  at  night  I  had 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  807 

to  groan  again  at  feeling  the  spiritual  pride  founded  on  the 
exercises  of  the  past  day. 

March  6.  Professedly  engaged  in  writing  and  learning 
Hindoostanee  words,  but  failed  in  that  diligence,  for  which 
my  soul  seemed  earnest  in  prayer  last  night  and  this  morn- 
ing. Endeavored  to  exercise  that  indifference  which  I  ought 
to  have,  whether  the  ship  goes  faster  or  slower  towards 
India,  since  it  is  God's  concern.  Oh  for  a  due  humility  for 
ray  past  idleness  !  oh  for  a  sense  of  the  infinite  value  of  time  ; 
oh  my  soul !  whatever  thy  hand  findeth  to  do,  do  it  with  all 
thy  might,  for  there  is  no  knowledge,  nor  wisdom,  nor  device 
in  the  grave,  whither  thou  goest ! 

March  7.  Endeavored  this  morning  to  consider  Christ  as 
the  High  Priest  of  my  profession.  Never  do  I  set  myself  to 
understand  the  nature  of  my  walk  in  Christ,  without  getting 
good  to  my  soul.  Employed  as  usual  through  the  day. 
Heard  from  McK.  that  they  are  not  yet  tired  of  inveighing 
against  my  doctrines.  They  took  occasion  also  to  say  from 
my  salary,  that  "  Martyn  as  well  as  the  rest  can  share  the 
plunder  of  the  natives  of  India ;  whether  it  is  just  or  not  he 
does  not  care."  This  brought  back  the  doubts  I  formerly 
had  about  the  lawfulness  of  receiving  anything  from  the 
company.  My  mind  is  not  yet  comfortable  about  it.  I  see 
it,  however,  my  duty  to  wait  in  faith  and  patience  till  the 
Lord  shall  satisfy  my  doubts  one  way  or  other.  I  would 
wish  for  no  species  of  connection  with  the  East  India  Com- 
pany, and  notwithstanding  the  large  sums  I  have  borrowed 
on  the  credit  of  my  salary,  which  I  shall  never  be  able  to 
repay  from  any  other  means,  I  would  wish  to  become  a  mis- 
sionary, dependent  on  a  society ;  but  I  know  not  how  to 
decide.  The  Lord  in  mercy  keep  my  soul  in  peace  !  Other 
thoughts  have  occurred  to  me  since.  The  Company  arc  the 
acknowledged  proprietors  of  the  country,  the  ruling  powers. 
If  I  were  to  refuse  to  go  there,  I  iiiight,  on  the  same  account. 


308  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

refuse  to  go  to  France,  and.  preach  to  the  French  people,  or 
body-guard  of  the  emperor,  because  the  present  monarch  who 
paid  me  was  not  the  lawful  one, 

March  8.  My  mind  at  ease  by  the  foregoing  considera- 
tions :  but  the  anxiety  produced  by  the  question  produced 
indisposition  which  made  my  body  ver}^  irritable.  Nothing 
will  be  so  good  for  my  health  in  India,  as  a  strong  faith  and 
close  walk  with  God,  keeping  my  mind  in  perfect  peace. 
The  influence  the  mind  has  upon  the  body  is  astonishing. 

March  9.  (Sunday.)  Oh  blessed  Lord  !  what  are  friends, 
or  home,  or  society  !  Thou  art  more  than  all  of  them  to  me ! 
What  friend  on  earth  careth  for  my  soul,  or  can  do  it  any 
good  ?  Who  ever  loved  it,  as  thou  hast  loved  it  ?  Were  I 
in  the  midst  of  them,  I  could  seldom  see  them ;  but  thou  art 
always  near.  Even  a  father  is  but  the  author  of  my  bodily 
existence,  whereas  my  God  is  the  Creator  of  my  body,  the 
Creator  of  my  soul,  the  Redeemer,  and  Sanctifier  of  it ;  I 
feel  that  all  earthly  connections  are  unimportant ;  I  am  for 
God  only.  Rose  in  the  morning  with  peacefulness  and  in 
prayer;  was  helped  to  rest  by  faith  on  the  promises  of  God, 
and  to  be  more  serious  about  the  effects  of  the  word  on  the 
souls  of  the  poor  people,  than  anxious  about  their  opinions 
of  it.  Preached  from  John  i.  29.  All  very  attentive  as 
usual,  but  no  impression  seemingly.  Read  Jeremiah  after- 
wards in  my  cabin,  and  was  recovering  from  the  ruffled  state 
of  mind  I  am  generally  in  after  preaching,  when  McK.  by 
irrelevant  conversation,  and  bringing  full  food  to  my  pride, 
disturbed  my  peace ;  but  at  last  it  was  restored,  while 
praying  for  grace  to  live  spiritually,  above  all  carnal  delights, 
which  alas,  I  find  it  very  hard  to  do  ;  most  of  the  prayers  I 
offer  up  on  this  subject  seeming  to  pass  away  like  the  wind. 
Read,  prayed  and  sang  below  in  the  afternoon  to  a  tolerable 
number.  In  prayer  afterwards  in  private,  had  a  most  pre- 
cious view  of  Christ.     The  wonder  is  how  I  have  no  there- 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  309 

tofore  been  swallowed  up  with  admiration  of  Jesus  Christ, 
and  that  I  should  be  tempted  hereafter  to  forget  to  praise 
and  love  him.  Oh  tliat  those  happy  seasons  were  continued  ! 
that  the  Spirit  of  truth  would  keep  these  things  of  Christ  in 
the  imaginations  of  the  thoughts  of  my  heart !  I  sat  down 
under  his  shadow  with  great  delight,  and  his  fruit  was  sweet 
to  my  taste. 

March  10.  My  peace  was  much  wounded  by  carelessness 
and  backwardness  in  prayer  and  reading.  What  a  miserable 
creature  !  no  manifestations  of  Divine  favor,  no  painful  trials 
have  yet  taught  me  to  beware  of  offending  the  great  and 
blessed  God,  by  walking  unevenly  before  him.  Oh  that  I 
may  fear  this  great  and  holy  Lord  God  !  In  prayer  about 
the  middle  of  the  day  over  one  of  the  chapters  of  Isaiah,  was 
greatly  restored  in  the  spirit  of  my  mind,  and  found  much  sat- 
isfaction at  having  gained  some  superiority  over  my  carnal 
appetite,  by  being  able  to  look  upon  the  day  as  given  me  to 
spend  in  study  and  labors  for  God,  and  meat  and  drink  as 
occasional  refreshments,  about.  Avhich  I  ought  not  to  think 
one  minute.  In  the  evening  afterwards  felt  the  most  ardent 
desire  to  be  employing  myself  in  the  language,  that  I  might 
as  soon  as  possible  be  able  to  preach  the  gospel ;  and  prayed 
with  much  confidence  for  the  presence  of  the  Lord,  and  his 
assistance  even  in  this  study. 

March  1 1 .  Having  had  something  said  to  me,  though  very 
groundlessly,  as  if  I  loved  sleep,  I  determined  to  follow  the 
captain's  advice,  and  go  to  bed  at  nine,  and  rise  at  four, 
instead  of  sitting  up  so  late  as  I  generally  do.  Had  much 
enjoyment  of  Divine  things  through  the  day. 

March  12.  Felt  very  much  withdrawn  from  this  present 
world  while  in  prayer,  but  my  trifling  way  of  passing  my 
time  was  very  distressing  to  me.  Had  a  service  below,  and 
stayed  to  converse  with  Serjeants  G.  and  C.  and  the  sick.  I 
read  Leighton.     It  blows  a  gale  again,  and  my  own  frame  is 


310  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

miicli  derano-ed  ;  death  was  brouQ-ht  near  to  view,  and  the 
precious  remarks  of  that  holy  man  were  the  means  of  rich 
and  abundant  comfort  to  me.  Truly  I  can  say — "  I  am  in  a 
strait  betwixt  two,  having  a  desire  to  depart  and  be  with 
Christ,  which  is  far  better." 

March  14.  It  is  the  ardent  desire  of  my  soul  to  regard 
all  earthly  things  with  indifference,  as  one  who  dwells  above 
with  God.  May  I  grow  in  grace  !  may  the  grace  of  God 
which  bringeth  salvation  teach  me  to  become  daily  more 
spiritual,  more  humble,  more  stedfast  in  Christ,  more  meek, 
more  wise,  and  in  all  things  to  live  soberly,  righteously  and 
godly  in  this  present  world !  How  shall  I  attain  to  greater 
heavenlv-mindedness  ?  Rose  refreshed  after  a  good  nis^ht's 
sleep,  and  wrote  on  a  subject  ;  had  much  conversation  with 
Mr.  B.  upon  deck ;  he  seemed  much  surprised  when  I  cor- 
rected his  notions  on  religion,  but  received  what  I  said  with 
great  candor.  He  said  there  was  a  minister  at  Madras,  a 
Dane,  with  whom  Sir  D.  Baird  was  well  acquainted,  who 
used  to  speak  in  the  same  manner  of  religion,  whose  name 
was  Schwartz.  My  attention  was  instantly  roused  at  the 
venerable  name,  and  I  eagerly  inquired  of  him  all  the  par- 
ticulars with  which  he  was  acquainted.  He  had  often  heard 
him  preach,  and  Mr.  Jaenicke  had  often  breakfasted  with 
him ;  Schwartz,  he  said,  had  a  very  commanding  manner, 
and  used  to  preach  ex  tempore  in  English,  at  Madras.  In  the 
afternoon  had  a  service  below  ;  much  of  the  evening  McK. 
passed  with  me,  and  prayed. 

March  16.  (Sunday.)  In  the  morning  with  many  waver- 
ings ;  I  was  at  last  assisted  to  be  somewhat  spiritual  and  ele- 
vated above  the  world  to  God.  Preached  on  Job  xxii.  21  ; 
there  was  less  attention  than  I  ever  saw,  except  once ;  only 
one  officer  present,  and  many  of  the  soldiers  standing  at  a 
distance,  instead  of  sitting  down  in  order.  In  the  afternoon 
was  much  assisted  below  in  speaking  from  beginning  of  John 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  311 

V. ;  prayed  and  sang  with  them.  Continued  all  the  latter 
part  of  the  day  with  affections  and  thoughts  sweetly  fixed  on 
heaven.  I  seem  to  feel  that  I  have  nothing  to  do  but  to  fulfil, 
as  a  hireling,  my  day,  and  then  to  die  and  be  at  rest  with 
Jesus.  Oh  what  are  friends,  what  are  the  enjoyments  of  this 
world  !  how  vain,  how  transitory  ! 

March  17.  The  morning  employed  in  writing,  but  no  dili- 
gence ;  in  prayer  cold ;  was  roused  to  a  sense  of  shame  and 
sorrow  for  my  indolence,  towards  evening  ;  and  began  to  work 
with  some  fervor  and  earnestness,  as  in  the  presence  of  God, 
but  I  was  unhappily  interrupted,  and  not  able  to  resume  my 
work  the  rest  of  the  evening.  Read  Prideaux  and  Milner  to 
McK,,  but  my  spirit  was  much  injured  by  our  light  and 
worldly  conversation.  Oh  that  I  may  have  grace  to  return 
from  my  evil  ways  ! 

March  18.  Was  tried  w^ith  evil  tempers  very  early  in  the 
morning.  When  meeting  the  Major  on  the  poop,  w^e  had  a 
conversation  about  the  missions  at  the  Cape.  I  w^as  grieved 
at  his  apparent  hatred  of  them,  and  his  disrelish  of  religion. 
In  great  shame  for  my  past  indolence,  I  cried  to  God,  and  in 
determined  resolution  began  my  work  of  writing,  and  with  a 
sort  of  indignation  against  myself,  continued  pretty  stedfast, 
and  was  made  to  profit.  I  continued  in  the  same  spirit  of 
determined  diligence,  and  thought  wdth  pleasure  of  a  life,  per- 
fectly independent  of  earthly  comforts,  spent  in  the  service 
of  Christ.  Prayed  with  McK.  at  night ;  but  the  long  con- 
versation about  the  things  of  this  world  afterwards  injured 
my  peace  again. 

March  19.  Still  pressing  myself  to  more  diligence,  but 
again  loitering;  did  less  this  morning  than  yesterday.  Poor 
B.  quite  dehrious ;  let  me  not  forget  to  pray  for  him,  now 
that  he  cannot  pray  for  himself.  The  Major  gave  some  better 
hopes  ;  said  he  was  quite  satisfied  with  himself,  bat  could  not 
attain  that  state  of  perfection  required.     Confessed  that  hap- 


312  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

piness  was  only  to  be  found  in  the  hopes  of  the  next  world, 
for  there  was  nothing  worth  living  for  in  this. 

March  20.  Fell  in  with  the  trade  wind,  which  now  carries 
tis  rapidly  towards  India.  What  tenfold  need  of  diligence 
have  I  now,  to  make  amends  for  so  much  lost  time  !  Was 
rather  more  stedfast  than  yesterday,  but  still  very  unfruitful. 
Fell  again  into  that  keen  anxiety  about  the  wind  and  weather, 
and  the  way  we  wei-e  making.  Alas !  why  cannot  I  leave 
these  things  with  God  ?  Had  a  happy  and  enlivening  season 
in  prayer  in  the  middle  of  the  day  for  the  spread  of  the  gos- 
pel in  the  distant  islands,  about  which  I  had  been  reading. 
I  felt  a  sort  of  regret  that  I  could  not  live  to  see  the  happy 
day  ;  yet  I  think  the  inhabitants  of  heaven  must  take  pleasure 
in  seeing  the  same  things ;  at  least  I  can  scarce  picture  to  my- 
self a  greater  enjoyment  in  heaven,  than  seeing  God  glorified 
by  the  general  conversion  of  the  heathen  to  the  Lord  Jesus 
Christ.  Read  and  sang  below.  In  the  evening,  with  McK., 
was  more  on  my  guard  against  trifling  conversation,  and  en- 
joyed in  consequence  a  sweet  and  happy  spirituality  of  mind. 

March  21.  Wounded  my  conscience  grievously  by  careless 
walking,  and  following  my  own  humor  by  reading  other 
things,  when  the  Spirit  of  God  was  calling  me  to  prayer ;  in 
great  misery  at  night,  I  cast  myself  at  the  foot  of  the  cross, 
having  been  unable  to  approach  God  in  my  prayers  to  any 
purpose  before ;  and  then,  through  infinite  mercy  and  love, 
found  some  tender  contrition. 

March  23.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  Ezek.  xxxiii.  11.  The 
wind  was  very  high,  and  being  on  our  beam,  the  sea  beat  upon 
the  broadside,  with  such  noise  and  violence,  that  the  men 
could  not  attend  well ;  I  found  it  easy  enough  to  stand,  by 
resting  my  back  against  the  weather  binnacle,  and  I  felt  dis- 
posed to  go  on  with  liberty  and  affection  ;  but  was  obliged  to 
cut  my  sermon  short,  by  which  means  I  left  out  the  most 
prominent  and  useful  parts.     In  the  afternoon,  the  tarpaulins 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV,    HENRY    MARTYN.  313 

being  over  the  hatches,  we  could  have  no  service  below  ;  in 
the  evening,  enjoyed  a  delightful  and  sanctifying  season  in 
prayer. 

March  24.  The  heat,  which  is  82,  I  found  very  relaxing, 
and  began  to  be  discouraged  at  the  prospect  of  being  unable 
to  support  the  heat  of  India ;  but  after  some  time  I  recol- 
lected that  this  was  no  concern  of  mine ;  thus  I  was  peace- 
ful again,  by  casting  all  my  care  upon  God.  Now  this  is  a 
very  precious  privilege ;  all  that  class  of  evils,  which  consist 
in  expected  suffering,  I  have  learned  through  grace,  by  the 
gospel,  to  dismiss  from  my  mind.  Reading  the  account  of 
Mr.  B.'s  death,  I  rose  affected  with  awful  apprehensions,  lest 
on  my  death-bed  I  too  should  have  occasion  to  say,  "  I  have 
too  much  neglected  prayer."  Alas  !  what  signifies  the  number 
of  times  I  bow  my  knees,  unless  I  get  good  to  my  soul ;  and 
what  will  it  profit  me,  to  have  given  my  body  to  be  burned, 
and  my  goods  to  feed  the  poor,  if  I  have  not  personal  holi- 
ness? 

•  March  26.  Passed  much  time  before  breakfast  in  sitting  on 
the  poop,  through  utter  disinclination  to  all  exertion.  Such 
is  the  enervating  effect  of  the  climate  ;  but  after  staying  some 
hours  learning  Hindoostanee  words,  2  Timothy  ii.  roused  me 
to  a  bodily  exertion.  I  felt  strong  in  spirit,  resolving,  if  I 
died  under  it,  to  make  the  body  submit  to  robust  exercise ; 
so  I  walked  the  deck  with  great  rapidity  for  an  hour  and  a 
half.  My  animal  spirits  were  altered  instantly  ;  T  felt  a  happy 
and  joyful  desire  to  brave  the  enervating  effects  of  India  in 
the  service  of  the  blessed  Lord  Jesus.  B.  dying  fast ;  the 
first  thing  he  said  to  me  when  I  visited  him  this  afternoon, 
was,  "  Mr.  Martyn,  what  will  you  choose  for  a  kingdom  ?" 
I  made  no  answer  to  this,  but  thought  of  it  a  good  deal  af- 
terwards. What  would  I  choose  ?  Why  I  do  not  know  that 
anything  would  be  a  heaven  to  me  but  the  service  of  Christ, 
and  the  enjoyment  of  his  presence.  B.  would  say  nothing 
14 


314  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

but  a  few  sentences  about  religion.  "  I  want  to  go  to  heaven," 
"  1  want  Christ,"  "  fountain  of  wisdom,"  &c.  As  there  were 
two  soldiers  standing  by  his  hammock,  I  asked  him  whether 
he  would  not  advise  them  to  seek  Christ  in  their  health ;  he 
said,  "  they  should."  Was  comforted  with  observing  in  McK. 
at  night  a  growth  in  grace.  We  read  Blair's  Lectures,  some 
Scripture,  and  hymns  together,  and  had  much  spiritual  con- 
versation about  the  temptations  we  are  liable  to,  and  our 
weakness  afrainst  them,  and  the  strensfth  which  is  to  be  found 
in  Christ,  My  own  soul  afterAvards  was  much  oppressed  with 
guilt,  and  shame,  at  the  carnality  of  my  life  and  thoughts, 
and  especially  at  recollecting  my  neglect  of  ministerial  duty. 
Oh  !  when  shall  my  soul  be  kept  above  the  world  ?  I  feel 
myself  more  radically  corrupted  every  day.  I  cannot,  I  really 
have  no  power  to  keep  before  my  mind,  one  single  minute, 
any  of  those  thoughts  Avhich  reason  and  affection  ever  make 
dear  to  me, 

March  27.  The  trade  wind  proving  most  unusually  to  be 
foul,  blowincr  from  the  N.E.  instead  of  S.E.  we  were  oblis^ed 
to  go  upon  a  losing  tack  to-day,  and  made  very  little  way. 
I  seemed  to  partake  of  the  general  impatience,  and  felt  fretful 
at  the  prospect  of  such  a  long  protracted  voyage.  When  I 
meet  the  rest  at  meals,  they  weary  me  much  more  than  they 
need  to  do,  by  their  frivolous  conversation.  Sat  a  considera- 
ble time  with  the  Lascars  on  the  orlop,  and  conversed  with 
them  a  little.  They  understood  all  my  questions,  but  by 
their  volubility  elude  my  endeavors  to  understand  them. 
However,  I  think  I  am  improving  in  this.  One  of  the  new 
ones  we  took  in  at  the  Cape,  a  man  of  perfectly  oriental  ap- 
pearance, and  very  grave,  spoke  to  me  with  uncommon  energy 
upon  religion ;  the  drift  of  all  he  said  was  to  show,  that  not- 
withstanding the  difference  of  religions,  it  all  came  to  the 
same  thing  at  last.  In  prayer  before  McK.  came,  I  hoped  I 
should  be  able  to  have  my  soul  wholly  in  heaven,  and  the 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  315 

blessed  example  of  Jesus  before  my  eyes,  but  it  was  not  so. 
In  reading  some  hymns  with  him  afterwards,  my  heart  was 
filled  with  much  joy  and  love. 

March  28.  Felt  a  great  degree  of  weariness  at  the  length 
of  the  voyage.  We  are  now  lying  becalmed  in  the  centre  of 
the  Indian  ocean,  but  let  not  a  discontented  thought  be  found 
in  my  heart.  I  was  much  tried  by  evil  temper  with  one  of 
the  young  men  in  Mathematics.  In  prayer  after  this,  I  could 
do  nothing,  but  cast  myself  simply  upon  the  mercy  and  power 
of  God,  and  cry  for  deliverance,  which  I  obtained,  and  found 
my  heart,  through  the  great  riches  of  his  grace,  tender  and 
affectionate,  particularly  towards  those  to  whom  I  had  spoken 
with  asperity. 

March  29.  Employed  all  day  long  in  preparing  for  to- 
morrow. All  the  dread  of  preaching  with  which  I  used  to  be 
tried,  seemed  to  return.  The  afternoon  spent  as  usual  in 
visiting  the  sick,  and  sitting  on  the  poop  in  pensive  medita- 
tion. Alas,  how  little  is  there  worth  tarrying  here  for,  but 
the  laboring  for  precious  souls  ;  and  oh  that  I  may  have  a 
heart  to  do  that ! 

March  30.  Before  service  was  still  harassed  by  vain  fears 
about  preaching.  As  pride  was  at  the  bottom  of  this,  I  found 
it  best  to  consider  before  God  in  prayer,  how  worthless  I  am  ; 
why  should  I  expect  to  go  without  contempt  ?  Suppose  God 
forsook  me,  and  men  in  consequence  scorned  and  trampled 
upon  me.  Who  am  I  that  I  should  dare  to  complain  ?  O  Lord, 
it  becometh  not  me  to  be  anywhere  but  lying  in  the  dust. 
Preached  on  Isaiah  Iv.  1 — 3,  and  was  assisted  as  usual,  so  as 
to  obtain  attention  ;  afterwards  read  with  McK.  some  of  the 
homilies.  In  the  afternoon  expounded,  sang,  and  prayed  be- 
low. McK  and  myself  read  and  prayed  together  at  night,  and 
had  much  agreeable  conversation  about  Christ,  particularly 
his  life  upon  earth,  and  about  the  enjoyments  of  heaven.  S. 
again  came   and  made  several  objections  to  the  Scriptures, 


316  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

such  as  might  strike  a  medical  man.  The  poor  .man  does  not 
know  how  to  praise  me  sufficiently  now  to  the  others,  because, 
I  suppose,  I  reason  mildly  with  him  about  the  evil  of  his 
ways,  while  the  others  take  liberties  with  him,  or  ridicule 
him. 

March  31.  Found  the  presence  of  God  in  prayer,  and  had 
clear  views  of  my  duty  as  a  minister  and  missionary,  and 
pleaded  fervently  for  grace  to  be  holy.  Read  "  Sheridan  on 
Elocution"  with  McK.  Afterwards  hearing  that  Hough,  one 
of  the  men,  was  dying,  I  went  below,  but  he  was  speechless. 
I  was  immediately  struck  with  apprehension  that  I  had  ne- 
glected his  soul.  Oh,  the  agonizing  misery  of  being  stained 
with  the  blood  of  souls  ! 


1806.]  OF   THE    REV.    HENRY   MARTYN.  317 


CHAPTER    XV. 


April  1.  The  sense  of  my  guilt  was  still  almost  overwhelm- 
ing, but  in  prayer  God  spoke  peace  in  a  degree  to  my  soul^ 
The  man  died  in  the  night.  The  last  time  I  spoke  to  him, 
which  was  the  last  time  I  believe  that  I  saw  him  in  his  senses, 
he  seemed  somewhat  affected,  and  began  to  say  how  happy 
it  would  be  to  get  to  heaven ;  and  after  I  had  been  telling 
him  of  his  sins,  he  observed  that  his  heart  was  all  in  a  trem- 
ble. I  did  not  consider  him  in  any  danger,  and  therefore 
thought  I  should  have  had  many  other  opportunities  of 
speaking  to  him.  He  heard  the  gospel  from  me,  but  God 
knows  whether  he  understood  it  to  the  saving  of  his  soul. 
I  have  no  doubt  but  that  he  died  for  want  of  proper  nourish- 
ment ;  all  I  can  get  from  breakfast  and  at  night  I  thought  it 
rio-ht  to  o^ive  to  Beasant,  Avho  is  still  on  the  borders  of  the 
grave  from  the  same  cause ;  want  of  proper  meat  after  the 
weakening  effects  of  his  disease.  After  dinner  his  body  was 
committed  to  the  deep  ;  every  person  in  the  ship  attended, 
I  think,  crowding  round  in  the  boom  and  rigging.  Among 
the  sick,  whom  I  went  to  afterwards,  I  found  but  one  sensi- 
ble, to  whom  I  spoke  about  his  soul,  with  a  determination 
that  no  blood  should  lie  at  my  door,  if  I  could  help  it.  Em- 
ployments as  usual,  writing  sermon,  and  learning  Hindoo- 
stanee.  In  prayer  with  McK.  at  night,  was  assisted  in  my  en- 
deavors after  humiliation.     Afterwards  S came  and  told 

me  more  of  his  mind  ;  said  I  was  a  dangerous  man  in  the  ship, 


318  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

and  wished  to  head  a  party,  by  assembhng  the  soldiers  in  the 
orlop  contrary  to  the  wishes  of  Captain  0.  In  walking  the 
quarter-deck  to-day  I  had  a  dispute  with  M.,  whose  unrea- 
sonable way  of  talking  was  very  irritating  ;  and  afterward- 
with  the  Major.  I  am  very  weary  with  the  opposition  o: 
men  of  perverse  minds,  but  I  know  that  God  will  arise,  and 
plead  his  own  cause. 

April  2.  Word  was  brouo;ht  to  me  this  mornino;  that  Bea- 
sant  had  just  died.  He  was  crawling  upon  his  hands  and 
knees  to  his  breakfast,  when  he  was  taken  worse,  and  died, 
as  they  were  lifting  him  into  his  hammock.  In  the  afternoon 
he  was  committed  to  the  deep.  As  Captain  F.,  whom  I  had 
observed  dejected,  told  me  the  cause  of  his  uneasiness  was  a 
fear  lest  our  provisions  would  not  hold  out,  I  thought  it  a 
call. to  make  it  a  subject  of  stated  prayer,  that  God  would 
not  deliver  us  to  the  pains  of  fame. 

April  3.  As  the  convalescent  men  get  worse  for  want  of 
fresh  meat,  I  thought  it  right  to  be  very  urgent  with  the 
Captain,  to  allow  me  to  send  away  my  dinner  to  them,  and 
to  eat  salt  junk  instead  ;  and  several  of  the  passengers  agreed 
to  take  it  by  turns  to  do  the  same  ;  but  the  Captain,  instead 
of  allowing  this,  said  he  would  send  them  a  plate  of  meat 
himself,  whenever  there  was  enough.  To-day  there  was  not 
half  enough,  and  I  ate  salt  junk  myself,  which  produced  such 
an  unquenchable  thirst  all  the  rest  of  the  evening,  that  I  knew 
not  what  to  do  with  myself.  How  do  the  poor  men  bear  it 
every  day  ?  My  studies  the  same  as  usual.  McK.  and  my- 
self had  an  agreeable  conversation  at  night  about  the  enjoy- 
ments of  heaven. 

April  6.  (Sunday.)  From  the  misery  I  bring  myself  into 
through  pride,  I  was  induced  to  cry  to  God  for  heavenly- 
mindedness,  and  especially  for  humility,  through  which  only 
I  can  ever  enjoy  peace.     Preached  on  Isaiah  Ixiii.  1.     No 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  319 

particulai*  attention,  but  more  of  the  ofScers  were  present. 
Passed  the  rest  of  the  evening  in  reading  Daniel  and  the 
Homilies,  and  in  prayer,  though  I  could  find  no  freedom  or 
comfort  in  it.  In  the  afternoon  collected  the  singers,  read 
John  xiv.  with  such  inward  tenderness  of  soul,  that  I  could 
scarcely  refrain  from  tears.  The  small  number  present,  the 
departure  of  my  dear  brother  B.,  and  the  absence  of  the  two 
soldiers,  from  whom  I  expected  better  things,  filled  me  with 
grief ;  so  that  I  was  pressed  in  spirit  to  speak  with  all  possi- 
ble earnestness,  and  to  pray  with  them  with  fervor.  I  then 
went  and  expostulated  as  faithfully  as  I  could,  with  one  of 
those  who  is,  I  trust,  not  yet  gone  back  again  unto  perdi- 
tion :  my  whole  soul  for  once  seemed  to  be  in  earnest,  and  I 
went  about  speaking  boldly  to  several  of  the  sailors,  and 
could  have  found  it  in  my  heart  to  preach  to  them  all  day 
long.  The  boatswain's-mate  told  me  many  would  come  and 
hear  me,  were  it  not  for  shame  ;  the  reason  my  servant  gave 
me  for  it  was,  because  the  heat  was  so  great  below.  He 
told  me  moreover  that  he  believed  the  lads  among  the  sol- 
diers did  not  understand  much  of  my  sermons.  Few  things 
give  me  more  pain  than  this,  as  I  certainly  do  not  want  the 
power  of  making  spiritual  things  plain.  I  dread  lest  I  should 
be  led  away  from  simple  preaching,  by  incessant  attention  to 
language.  God  save  me  from  this  delusion  !  Had  a  happy 
season  in  prayer  in  the  evening,  and  found  grace  to  intercede 
for  my  sister  with  tears.  At  our  evening  meeting,  F.,  one  of 
the  cadets,  was  present ;  he  has  long  been  serious,  but  I  could 
never  by  conversation  be  satisfied  with  him.  McK.  rather 
reflected  on  me  for  not  having  hinted  to  him  to  come  in,  tell- 
ing me  that  it  was  mj^  duty  to  go  out  into  the  highways  and 
hedges,  and  compel  them  to  come  in.  We  all  of  us  read 
and  prayed  ;  many  things  I  had  heard  to  humble  me  ;  but 
my  soul  was  benefited ;  every  word  I  heard,  every  thought 
of  God  was  sweet,  and  carried  away  my  soul  to  heaven. 


320  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

April  7.  Much  impressed  witli  what  I  had  been  reading 
in  Daniel.  Oh  that  I  were  withdrawn  from  the  body,  like 
that  holy  man,  and  enjoyed  such  visits  from  God!  For  one 
in  my  situation,  it  is  inexcusable  not  to  be  a  man  of  prayer, 
when  he,  a  man  engaged  in  public  business,  was  so  heavenly- 
minded.  This  being  the  day  I  preached  my  farewell  sermon 
last  year,  I  sat  down  in  the  evening,  and  enjoyed  many  tender 
recollections  of  the  beloved  friends  at  Cambridge ;  many  of 
them  perhaps  were  thinking  of  me.  I  did  not  recollect  that 
it  was  the  first  Monday  in  the  month ;  or  I  should  have 
joined  in  supplications  for  the  church. 

April  8.  In  proportion  to  the  languor  I  felt  from  the 
heat,  my  hopes  of  living  in  India  declined,  and  views  of 
death-  drew  nearer.  Though  I  have  done  nothing  yet  for 
Christ,  yet  what  I  shall  choose  I  wot  not.  I  have  nothing 
to  attract  me  to  this  life,  and  therefore  why  should  I  not  be 
refreshed  at  the  thought  of  death  ?  Began  writing  upon 
another  subject,  and  learned  a  few  roots. 

April  9.  Passed  the  morninof  in  writino:,  and  the  afternoon 
in  visiting  the  sick ;  but  the  heat  was  so  great  below,  that  I 
could  not  stay  long.  However,  I  bear  the  heat  as  well  as 
any  in  the  ship.  It  is  here  very  sultry,  becalmed  as  we  are 
within  a  few  miles  of  the  line.  At  niglit  my  soul  was  much 
distressed  at  my  unfaithfulness  and  indolence  in  ministerial 
duties,  and  saw  the  necessity  of  more  earnestness  both  in 
labor  and  prayer,  if  I  would  not  have  more  blood-guiltiness 
upon  my  soul.  0  that  the  Spirit  of  God  may  bring  these 
thoughts  to  my  remembrance  each  day  !  Went  among  the 
soldiers  upon  deck,  and  was  glad  to  find  that  one,  of  whom 
I  was  in  doubt,  was  still  in  tlie  right  way. 

April  11.  McK.  sitting  in  my  cabin  most  of  this  morning, 
I  did  little  but  learn  roots,  and  by  unwatchfulness  fell  into  a 
carnal  uncomfortable  frame.  On  going  to  visit  the  sick,  I 
found  the  surgeon  bleeding  P.,  who  was  ill  of  a  brain  fever. 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  321 

Soon  after,  he  died  ;  as  long  as  he  continued  in  his  senses,  I 
spoke  to  hira  about  his  soul,  but  could  never  get  any  answer 
to  the  purpose.  In  prayer  for  these  last  few  days  I  have 
been  tolerably  comfortable,  but  led  to  seek  chiefly  a  spirit  of 
diligence  ;  to-night  the  departure  of  this  soul  made  me  un- 
happy, lest  I  should  have  been  chargeable  with  his  destruc- 
tion. Oh  the  awfulness  of  the  ministry  !  how  shall  I  ever 
be  pure  from  the  blood  of  all  men  ?  I  do  nothing  all  the 
day  but  in  reference  to  ray  ministry ;  but  how  do  I  do  it  ? 
Oh  my  God,  there  is  nought  upon  earth  that  I  care  for,  but 
thee  and  thine  ;  but  oh,  that  my  soul  were  alive  to  my  work 
and  roused  to  a  holy  ardor  ! 

April  12.  McK.  sat  with  me  the  whole  morning  ;  but  as 
I  determined  not  to  let  this  circumstance  disturb  me,  I  looked 
up  to  God,  and  was  enabled  to  be  more  diligent  than  ordi- 
narily in  writing  on  a  divine  subject,  and  learning  roots.  In 
the  afternoon  my  time  was  wholly  taken  up  with  a  young 
man,  suddenly  attacked  with  some  disorder,  who  was  in  the 
greatest  alarm  about  his  soul.  He  said  to  me  and  to  all 
around,  "  Now  I  know  what  it  is  ;  never  again  will  I  live  as 
I  have  done,"  and  much  more  to  the  same  purpose,  acknow- 
ledging his  desert  of  hell.  As  I  had  no  reason  to  doubt  his 
sincerity,  I  continued  to  speak  of  the  grace  of  God  in  the 
gospel  to  him.  On  going  away,  he  said  he  should  wish  to 
see  me  as  often  as  possible. 

April  13.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  Acts  xvi.  29-31.  The 
subject  as  usual  excited  the  deepest  attention.  My  own 
heart  after  the  sermon  was  averse  to  prayer ;  but  in  Avaiting 
upon  God  he  had  mercy  upon  me,  and  made  me  to  breathe 
after  holiness  and  a  heavenly  mind,  and  a  constant  spiritual 
discharge  of  my  ministry.  The  young  man  so  alarmed  yes- 
terday seemed  to  have  lost  his  concern  about  his  soul,  to- 
gether with  his  fear  of  death.  Retained  through  the  rest  of 
the  day  some  tenderness  of  spirit,  and  succeeded  in  resisting 
14* 


322  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

the  proneness  to  trifling  conversation  with  McK.  which  we 
are  both  so  apt  to  fall  into. 

April  17.  Things  wear  a  very  gloomy  aspect  amongst  ns  ; 
scarcely  any  are  at  all  concerned  about  their  souls.  My  own 
soul  too  is  in  a  poor  state,  continually  prone  to  impatience  at 
the  length  of  the  voyage,  and  inordinately  anxious  for  the 
appearance  of  land.  Yet  in  prayer  God  mercifully  revives 
and  directs  me.  My  stated  praj-er  in  the  middle  of  the  day 
over  a  chapter  of  Isaiah,  for  the  setting  up  of  Christ's  king- 
dom among  the  heathen,  is  very  often  cold  and  formal ;  yet 
I  will,  through  grace,  never  to  the  end  of  my  days  give  over 
praying  for  this  blessed  event.  At  night  my  soul  felt  miser- 
ably oppressed  with  a  sense  of  my  barrenness  and  deadness. 
Oh,  I  am  weary  of  serving  God  in  this  manner.  Oh,  may 
the  Holy  Spirit  put  life  and  ardor  into  my  soul ! 

April  19.  After  a  sleepless  night,  rose  early,  and  saw  the 
island  of  Ceylon,  bearing  west  three  or  four  leagues ;  it 
presented  a  long  range  of  hills  running  north  and  south, 
broken  in  a  picturesque  manner,  but  not  loft}^  and  the  low 
land  between  the  hills  and  the  sea  was  covered  with  trees. 
After  being  ten  weeks  at  sea,  it  was  very  agreeable  to  see  the 
never- varying  horizon  interrupted  by  dark  land ;  and  so  long 
had  we  been  used  to  the  clear  breezes  of  the  ocean,  that  we 
immediately  detected  the  effluvia  of  rank  vegetation.  The 
smell  from  the  land  was  exceedingly  fragranf,  and  I  felt  my 
senses  quite  soothed  by  it ;  I  sat  on  the  poop  following  a 
long  train  of  pleasing  thoughts,  about  the  blissful  period, 
when  the  native  Cingalese  should  rear  temples  to  Jesus,  in 
their  cinnamon  groves.  The  day  was  afterwards  excessively 
hot,  while  we  lay  becalmed.  I  was  at  first  giving  way  to 
anxiety  lest  I  should  not  be  able  to  bear  it  long,  especially 
as  the  distressing  sensation  of  shortness  of  breath  still  con- 
tinues ;  but  I  was  soon  composed  by  considering,  that,  come 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  323 

what  will,  it  shall  be  best  for  me ;  if  I  die,  I  die  to  be  happy 
— if  I  live,  I  shall  live  to  glorify  God.     Sweet  necessity  ! 

All  must  come,  and  last,  and  end. 
As  shall  please  my  heavenly  Friend. 

In  the  evening,  a  breeze  springing  up  carried  us  out  of  sight 
of  land.  The  man  in  whom  I  observed  some  signs  of  grace 
yesterday,  died  suddenly  this  morning. 

April  21.  On  coming  on  deck  to-day,  my  eyes  were 
gratified  with  a  sight  of  India.  We  were  just  opposite 
Tranquebar,  about  eight  or  ten  miles  distant,  and  in  the 
course  of  the  day,  passed  Cuddalore,  Pondicherry,  &c.  I 
was  full  of  thought  most  of  the  day  about  India,  and  my 
future  residence  in  those  plains  which  I  saw.  FeeUng  myself 
very  unwell,  I  was  reminded  of  my  short  continuance  in  this 
world.  This  thought  is  precious,  and  serves  to  check  the 
carnal  eagerness  with  which  I  am  apt  to  wish  for  a  stay  on 
earth  to  accomplish  my  objects. 

April  23,  Breakfasted  with  Mr.  V.  at  Vepery,  and  went 
with  him  afterwards  to  Dr.  K.,  with  whom  I  spent  the 
remainder  of  the  day.  I  found  him  a  most  affectionate,  and 
in  most  respects,  a  serious  man.  He  gave  me  a  vast  deal  of 
information  about  all  the  chaplains  and  missionaries  in  the 
country,  which  he  promised  to  put  in  writing  for  me. 
Showed  me  his  schools  and  institution  of  300  caste  people 
employed  in  printing,  engraving,  (fee.  Considering  the  little 
retirement  I  had  this  day,  my  soul  was  tolerably  spiritual 
and  comfortable.  Early  in  the  morning  I  found  the  solemn 
presence  of  God  communicated  to  me,  while  meditating  on  my 
future  work,  and  the  probable  shortness  of  life.  How  com- 
fortable to  lean  on  the  arm  of  the  Beloved,  and  to  be  indif- 
ferent about  life  or  death  !  Dr.  K.  communicated  several 
particulars  about  Swartz  and  Gericke,  with  whom  he  was 
well  acquainted.     Felt  excessively  delighted  with  accounts 


824  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

of  a  very  late  date  from  Bengal,  describing  the  labors  of  the 
missionaries,  and  was  rather  agitated  at  the  confusion  of 
interesting  thoughts  that  croAvded  upon  me  ;  but  I  reasoned. 
Why  thus  ?  God  may  never  honor  you  witli  a  missionary 
commission ;  you  must  expect  to  leave  the  field,  and  bid 
adieu  to  the  world  and  all  its  concerns.  Dismissed  my  old 
servant,  Narayen,  to-day,  and  took  another,  Samees,  because 
he  could  speak  Hindoostanee.  Had  a  good  deal  of  conver- 
sation with  a  Rajpoot  about  religion,  and  told  him  of  the 
gospel. 

April  25.  Rose  early,  but  could  not  enjoy  morning  medi- 
tations in  my  walk,  as  the  young  men  would  attach  them- 
selves to  me.  Passed  the  day  at  Dr.  K's.  At  breakfast  met 
Mr.  L.  the  missionary ;  my  mind  uneasy  for  want  of  more 
retirement.  Succeeded  a  little  in  getting  my  mind  above  the 
world,  by  prayer,  in  passing  to  and  fro  in  the  palanquin. 
With  Mr.  T.  I  had  a  long  and  regular  conversation  respecting 
the  doctrines  of  the  gospel,  duties  of  a  minister,  &:c.  In  a 
few  days  he  goes  to  Seringapatam  to  be  stationed  as  a 
chaplain,  and  I  am  by  no  means  without  hope  that  his  heart 
is  under  divine  influences,  and  that  he  will  devote  himself  to 
the  work  of  preaching  to  the  natives  ;  at  dinner  we  met  Mr. 
Torriano,  and  his  two  sons ;  the  old  man  is  a  remarkable 
character,  and  a  sterling  saint.  Our  conversation  together 
for  some  hours  after  dinner  was  profitable  and  religious,  and 
I  walked  back  to  Mr.  0.  at  night,  much  pleased  with  the 
manner  in  which  the  latter  part  of  the  day  had  been  spent ; 
but  I  cannot  be  happy  without  being  more  alone. 

April  28.  This  morning  at  breakfast.  Sir  E.  P.  came  in 
and  said  :  "  Upon  my  word,  Mr.  Martyn,  you  gave  us  a  good 
trimming  yesterday."  As  this  was  before  a  large  company, 
and  I  was  taken  by  surprise,  I  knew  not  what  to  say. 
Passed  most  of  the  day  in  transcribing  the  sermon.  There 
was  nothing  very  awakening  in  it. 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  825 

May  1.  Breakfasted  at  Mr.  H's.  at  Vepery.  The  rest  of 
the  morning  passed  in  making  calls  on  Mr.  V.,  Dr.  K.,  and 
the  purser ;  the  only  retirement  I  can  get  is  while  I  am  in 
the  palanquin,  and  there  the  Lord  helps  me  to  approach  him 
for  a  while  in  reflection  and  prayer  ;  but  my  spirit  suffers  for 
want  of  regularity  in  secret  duties. 

May  2.  Passed  the  whole  day  at  Dr.  K's.,  collecting  all 
the  information  I  could  about  the  ecclesiastical  state  of  India, 
which  I  committed  to  paper.  Young  Torriano  and  Mr.  Love- 
less were  there,  and  by  conversation  at  our  meals  on  the  fu- 
ture happiness  of  the  church,  much  enlivened  my  heart. 
My  friends  expressed  much  regret  and  aff'ection  at  parting 
with  me.  For  myself  I  seem  incapable  of  a  lively  sensation 
of  any  kind. 

May  4.  (Sunday.)  The  ship  so  taken  up  with  communi- 
cations with  the  shore,  and  preparations  for  sailing,  that  there 
was  no  service.  As  we  did  not  sail,  I  felt  sorry  that  I  had 
not  remained  on  shore  to  preach,  as  I  had  engaged  to  do ; 
though  lying  in  sight  of  the  churches,  I  did  not  dare  to  go 
ashore.  I  passed  my  time  in  reading  Scripture  and  prayer  ; 
my  mind  was  very  low,  ever  sinking  in  deep  waters,  and  I 
wanted  power  from  on  high  to  support  my  faith  ;  I  was 
throughout  the  day  wavering  ;  sometimes  enabled  to  rejoice 
in  the  Lord,  or  at  least  to  cast  all  my  care  upon  him.  At 
other  times  despairing  of  the  conversion  of  the  heathen,  or  of 
my  being  ever  fitted  for  it. 

May  6.  By  reading  some  of  the  reports  of  the  Society  for 
Missions  to  Africa  and  the  East,  I  again  felt  much  refreshed, 
as  1  saw  that  the  people  of  God  over  the  world  are  much 
interested  in  the  blessed  work.  I  still  endeavor  to  hold  more 
constant  fellowship  Avith  my  dear  brethren,  as  it  compensates 
for  the  want  of  their  society  and  encouragement.  All  the 
rest  of  the  day  everything  went  well  with  my  soul.  Some 
parts  of  the  Prophet  Malachi  were  made  delightful  and  pro- 


326  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

fitable  to  me.  Oh  !  the  name  of  Jesus  shall  be  great  among 
the  heathen :  in  every  place  they  shall  offer  incense  to  his 
name,  and  a  pure  offering.  My  heart  expands  through  the 
world,  and  realizes  the  joyful  day.  God  takes  away  the  veil 
from  my  heart,  and  I  see  the  veil  removing  from  off  the  face 
of  the  whole  earth.  0  come,  Lord  Jesus  !  make  no  long 
tarrying,  0  my  God. 

May  8.  Rose  unwell,  yet  cheerful ;  whether  life  or  death 
awaits  me,  it  shall  be  well  with  my  pardoned  soul.  By  tri- 
fling conversation  and  great  unwatchfulness  over  my  own 
heart,  I  lost  much  of  the  Divine  presence.  What  detestable 
folly  and  ingratitude  is  it  to  forget  God,  and  lend  an  ear  to 
vanity  !  In  prayer  in  the  evening,  it  was  with  difficulty  I 
could  bring  myself  to  due  seriousness.  With  McK.  at  night, 
read  Hebrews  and  some  of  D.  Brainerd's  Letters.  Blessed 
be  the  memory  of  that  holy  man  !  I  feel  happy  that  I  shall 
have  his  book  with  me  in  India,  and  thus  enjoy  in  a  manner 
the  benefit  of  his  company  and  example.  The  famous  pago- 
da of  Juggernaut  came  in  sight  this  afternoon,  much  resem- 
bling in  appearance  Roche  Rock  in  Cornwall ;  it  was  a  large 
pile  of  building,  made  very  visible,  by  being  surrounded  with 
the  yellow  sand  close  to  the  sea ;  it  was  so  dark  as  to  resem- 
ble a  rock.  This  is  emblematical  of  its  use,  as  being  em- 
ployed for  the  worship  of  the  spiiits  of  darkness.  The  scene 
presented  another  specimen  of  that  tremendous  gloom  with 
which  the  devil  has  overspread  the  land ;  no  house  near  it ; 
no  noise  to  be  heard  along  the  bare  coast,  but  the  hollow 
roar  of  the  surf. 

May  9.  Several  pilot  vessels  appearing  in  sight  to-day 
from  Balasare  roads,  each  ship  took  a  pilot  on  board,  and  all 
made  the  best  of  the  way  to  Calcutta.  At  night  wfe  were 
overtaken  by  that  tremendous  hurricane,  the  north-wester. 
From  being  a  little  in  the  sun  to-day,  I  got  a  violent  head- 
ache, which  prevented  me  from  sleeping  at  night.     It  is  in 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  327 

these  climates  that  the  curse  of  God  upon  the  creation  for 
man's  sin  is  most  visible  ;  the  sun,  formed  to  be  the  light  and 
comfort  of  the  creation,  is  here  a  dreadful  enemy.  I  feel  as 
much  dread  of  being  exposed  to  its  rays  after  it  has  been  up 
two  or  three  hours,  as  I  would  of  pushing  my  head  into  a 
fire ;  the  pleasant  weather  here  is  cloudy  weather. 

May  11.  (Sunda3^)  Rose  a  httle  better;  instead  of  havino- 
Divine  service,  we  were  obliged  to  be  all  hands  at  the  cap- 
stan. In  the  morning  McK.  and  myself  had  prayers  and 
reading  in  my  cabin,  and  at  night  Franklin  joined  us  in  Avhat 
I  expected  was  my  farewell  prayer.  I  was  very  far  from 
feeling  suitable  sensations,  and,  though  free  in  words,  had  no 
humble  spiritual  breathing  after  God  ;  and  what  grieved  me 
no  less  was  to  observe  the  deadness  of  my  dear  brothers,  and 
how  readily  they  turned  to  common  subjects  of  conversation. 
Oh  what  a  poor  wretch  I  am !  nothing,  however  awful  and 
powerful,  is  sufficient  to  keep  me  in  a  right  frame,  and  the 
Spirit  of  God  I  am  slow  and  unbelieving  in  crying  for. 

May  12.  Got  under  weigh  again;  entered  the  Hoogly. 
The  flat  shores  on  either  side  were  covered  with  low  wood, 
and  I  never  saw  land  near  sea,  present  a  less  interesting  ap- 
pearance. I  felt  the  same  surprise  as  I  have  often  done 
elsewhere  at  the  solitude  and  apparent  desertion  of  ?.  place 
much  spoken  of.  I  thought  to  have  seen  whole  fleets  of 
ships,  vast  numbers  of  natives  on  the  shores,  and  appearances 
of  cultivation,  but  there  was  nothing  of  the  sort.  A  village 
indeed  was  seen  running  in  an  easterly  direction  from  the 
shore  into  the  interior,  consisting,  we  heard,  of  no  less  than 
10,000  houses  ;  but  there  seemed  to  be  nothing  doinof.  Five 
or  six  miserable  people  only  were  seen  cvitting  down  the  jun- 
gle for  firewood.  My  soul  was  revived  to-day  through  God's 
never-ceasing  compassion,  so  that  I  found  the  refreshing  pre- 
sence of  God  in  secret  duties  ;  especially  was  I  most  abund- 
antly encouraged  by  reading  D.  Brainerd's  account  of  thf 


328  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

difficulties  attending  a  mission  to  the  heathen.  Oh,  blessed 
be  the  memory  of  that  beloved  saint  !  no  uninspired  writer 
ever  did  me  so  much  good.  1  felt  most  sweetly  joyful  to 
labor  amongst  the  poor  natives  here ;  and  my  wilHngness 
was,  I  think,  more  divested  of  those  romantic  notions,  w4iich 
have  sometimes  inflated  me  with  false  spirits. 

May  15.  This  morning  went  on  board  the  Charlotte 
Yacht,  which  took  the  treasure  to  town,  in  hopes  of  getting 
to  Calcutta  in  a  few  hours,  but  from  want  of  wind  did  not 
reach  it  till  ten  at  night.  Had  a  good  deal  of  conversation 
by  the  way  with  the  Captain  upon  religion  ;  my  own  frame 
was  low  and  spiritless ;  in  mind,  from  want  of  retirement ;  in 
body,  from  something  of  fever.  The  approach  to  Calcutta, 
particularly  about  Garden  Reach,  where  we  lay  several 
hours,  is  very  beautiful.  The  rich  verdure,  and  variety  of 
the  trees,  and  the  elegant  mansions  which  they  partly  hide, 
conspire  to  render  the  same  highly  agreeable  to  the  eye  ;  but 
the  thought  of  the  diabolical  heathenism,  amidst  these  beau- 
ties of  nature,  takes  away  almost  all  the  pleasure  I  should 
otherwise  experience. 

May  16.  Went  ashore  at  day -light  this  morning,  and  with 
some  difficulty  found  Carey :  Messrs.  Brown  and  Buchanan 
being  both  absent  from  Calcutta.  Joined  with  him  in  worship 
which  was  in  Bengalee,  for  the  advantage  of  a  few  servants, 
who  sat,  however,  perfectly  unmoved.  I  could  not  help  con- 
trasting them  with  the  slaves  and  Hottentots  a;t  Cape  Town, 
whose  hearts  seemed  to  burn  within  them.  I  had  enf^aired 
a  boat  to  go  to  Serampore,  when  a  letter  from  Mr.  Brown 
found  me  out,  and  directed  me  to  his  house  in  the  town,  where 
I  spent  the  rest  of  the  day  in  solitude,  and  more  comfortably 
and  profitably  than  any  time  past.  I  enjoyed  several  solemn 
seasons  in  prayer,  and  more  lively  impressions  from  God's 
word.  I  felt  elevated  above  those  distressing  fears  and  dis- 
tractions which  pride  and  worldliness  engender  in  the  mind. 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  329 

Mr.  Brown's  moonshee,  a  Brahmin,  came  in,  and  disputed 
with  me  two  hours  about  the  gospel.  He  spoke  English  very 
well,  and  possessed  more  acuteness,  good  sense,  moderation, 
and  acquaintance  with  the  Scriptures,  than  I  could  conceive 
to  be  found  in  an  Indian.  He  spoke  with  uncommon  energy 
and  eloquence,  intending  to  show  that  Christianity  and  Hin- 
dooism  did  not  materially  differ.  He  asked  me  to  explain  my 
system,  and  adduce  the  proofs  of  it  from  the  Bible,  which  he 
said  he  believed  was  the  word  of  God.  When  I  asked  him 
about  his  idolatry,  he  asked  in  turn  what  I  had  to  say  about 
our  worshipping  Christ.  This  led  to  inquiries  about  the 
Trinity,  which,  after  hearing  what  I  had  to  say,  he  observed 
was  actually  the  Hindoo  notion.  I  explained  several  things 
about  the  Jews  and  the  Old  Testament,  about  Avhich  he  wanted 
information,  with  all  which  he  w^as  amazingly  pleased.  I  feel 
much  encouraged  by  this,  to  go  to  instruct  them.  I  see  that 
they  are  a  religious  people,  as  St.  Paul  called  the  Athenians, 
and  my  heart  almost  springs  at  the  thought,  that  the  time  is 
ripening  for  the  fullness  of  the  Gentiles  to  come  in. 

May  lY.  The  depravity  of  my  heart,  as  it  is  in  its  natural 
frame,  appeared  to  me  to-day  almost  unconquerable.  I  could 
not,  however  long  in  prayer,  keep  the  presence  of  God,  or 
the  power  of  the  world  to  come,  in  my  mind  at  all.  It  sunk 
down  to  its  most  lukewarm  state,  and  continued  in  general  so, 
in  spite  of  my  endeavors.  Oh  how  I  need  a  deep  heart- 
rending Avork  of  the  Spirit  upon  myself,  before  I  shall  save 
myself,  or  them  that  hear  me  !  What  I  hear  about  my  future 
destination  has  proved  a  trial  to  me  to-day.  My  dear  breth- 
ren. Brown  and  Buchanan,  wish  to  keep  me  here,  as  I  ex- 
pected, and  the  Governor  accedes  to  their  wishes.  I  have  a 
great  many  reasons  for  not  liking  this ;  I  almost  think,  that 
to  be  prevented  going  among  the  heathen  as  a  missionary 
would  break  my  heart.  Whether  it  be  self-will  or  aught  else, 
I  cannot  yet  rightly  ascertain ;  at  all  events,  I  must  learn  sub- 


330  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

mission  to  everything.  In  the  multitude  of  my  thoughts,  thy 
comforts  dehght  my  soul.  I  have  been  running  the  hurried 
round  of  thought  without  God.  I  have  forgotten  that  he 
ordereth  everything.  I  have  been  bearing  the  burden  of  my 
cares  myself,  instead  of  casting  them  all  upon  him.  Much 
of  the  rest  of  the  day  passed  in  conversation  with  Mr.  Brown. 
I  feel  pressed  in  spirit  to  do  something  for  God.  Everybody 
is  diligent,  but  I  am  idle  ;  all  employed  in  their  proper  work, 
but  I  tossed  in  uncertainty  ;  I  want  nothing  but  grace  ;  I  want 
to  be  perfectly  holy,  and  to  save  myself  and  those  that  hear 
me.  I  have  hitherto  lived  to  little  purpose,  more  like  a  clod 
than  a  servant  of  God ;  now  let  me  burn  out  for  God. 

May  18.  So  unwell  that  Mr.  B.  did  not  think  it  right  for 
me  to  preach.  Went  with  him  at  ten  in  the  morning  to  the 
new  church.  Mr.  Brown  preached  on  Isaiah  Iv.  8-11,  giving 
a  summary  of  Christian  doctrine.  On  our  way  back  we  called 
on  a  pious  family,  when  we  had  some  agreeable  and  religious 
conversation  ;  but  their  wish  to  keep  me  from  the  work  of  the 
mission,  and  retain  me  at  Calcutta,  was  carried  farther  than 
mere  civility,  and  showed  an  extraordinary  unconcern  for  the 
souls  of  the  poor  heathens.  At  eight  in  the  evening  went  to 
the  old  or  missionary  church,  where  I  ventured  to  read  the 
service ;  Mr.  B.  preached  on,  "  Behold  the  Lamb  of  God, 
that  taketh,"  &c.  I  was  very  agreeably  surprised  at  the 
number,  attention,  and  apparent  liveliness  of  the  audience ; 
and  I  may  safely  say,  that  most  of  the  young  ministers  that 
I  know  would  rejoice  to  come  from  England,  if  they  knew 
how  attractive  every  circumstance  is  respecting  the  church. 
Stayed  in  the  vestry  some  time  after,  conversing  with  Mr. 
Burney ;  had  reason  to  lament  great  want  of  modesty  and 
spirituality  afterwards.  Began  the  day  with  strong  desires 
that  God  would  exert  his  power  and  make  me  holy.  My 
soul  groaned  out  of  its  corruptions,  and  I  trusted  that  this 
da}'- 1  should  for  once  be  free  from  those  vanities  which  I  knew 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  331 

too  well  would,  without  great  caution,  enslave  my  heart ;  but  it 
was  not  so,  and  towards  nioht  I  was  almost  discouraofed  in 
my  struggles  after  a  holy  mind.  Yet  upon  the  whole,  no  dis- 
covery of  corruption  is  very  distressing,  Avhile  God  supports 
the  hope  of  improvement,  and  makes  me  pant  earnestly  for  it. 
May  19.  As  I  was  this  day  to  be  presented  at  the  levee 
of  the  Governor- General,  I  had  need  of  much  prayer,  that 
my  mind  might  not  be  run  away  with  again  by  new  vanities ; 
and  I  was  helped  accordingly  ;  for  the  Lord  showed  me  the 
extreme  folly  and  emptiness  of  all  earthly  splendor.  After 
waiting  a  considerable  time  in  a  crowd  of  military  men,  an 
aid-de-camp  presented  me  to  Sir  G.  Barlow,  who,  after  one 
or  two  trifling  questions,  passed  on.  We  went  from  the 
Governor's  house  to  the  college,  where  we  were  shown  Tip- 
poo's  library.  One  of  the  learned  natives  read  us  a  passage 
in  the  Koran,  or  rather  sang  or  chanted  it.  At  the  end  of  a 
sentence,  in  order  to  preserve  the  time  of  an  equal  length 
•with  Tihat  of  the  preceding,  he  drawled  out  the  last  syllable 
with  a  long  and  strong  nasal  sound,  like  one  of  the  pipes  of 
an  organ,  after  the  tune  is  finished.  We  then  got  into  a  boat, 
and  the  stream  in  an  hour  and  a  half  helped  us  up  to  Seram- 
pore,  to  Mr.  Brown's  house.  In  the  cool  of  the  evening  we 
walked  to  the  mission-house,  a  few  hundred  yards  off,  and  I 
at  last  saw  the  place  about  which  I  have  so  long  read  with 
pleasure ;  I  was  introduced  to  all  the  missionaries.  We  sat 
down,  about  one  hundred  and  fifty,  to  tea,  at  several  long 
tables  in  an  immense  room.  After  this  there  was  evening  ser- 
vice in  another  room  adjoining,  by  Mr.  Ward.  Mr.  Marsh- 
man  then  delivered  his  lecture  on  Grammar.  As  his  obser- 
vations were  chiefly  confined  to  the  Greek,  and  seemed  in- 
tended for  the  young  missionaries,  I  was  rather  disappointed, 
having  expected  to  hear  something  about  the  Oriental  lan- 
guages. With  Mr.  M.  alone,  I  had  much  conversation,  and 
received  the  first  encouragement  to  be  a  missionary  that  I 


332  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

have  met  with  since  I  came  to  this  country.  I  blessed  God 
in  my  heart  for  this  seasonable  supply  of  refreshment.  The 
habitation  assigned  me  by  Mr.  B.  is  a  pagoda  in  his  grounds, 
on  the  edge  of  the  river.  Thither  I  retired  at  night,  and 
really  felt  something  like  superstitious  dread  at  being  in  a 
place  once  inhabited  as  it  were  by  devils ;  but  yet  felt  dis- 
posed to  be  triumphantly  joyful,  that  the  temple  where  they 
were  worshipped  was  become  Christ's  oratory.  I  prayed  out 
aloud  to  my  God,  and  the  echoes  returned  from  the  vaulted 
roof :  Oh  may  I  so  pray,  that  the  dome  of  heaven  may  re- 
sound !  I  like  my  dwelling  much  ;  it  is  so  retired  and  free 
from  noise ;  it  has  so  many  recesses  and  cells,  that  I  can 
hardly  find  my  way  in  and  out. 

May  20.  My  melancholy  was  a  httle  relieved  by  the  hope, 
that  I  should  not  be  entirely  useless  as  a  missionary.  In  the 
evening  I  walked  with  Mr.  Brown,  to  see  the  evening  wor- 
ship at  a  pagoda,  whither  they  sa}^  the  god  who  inhabited 
my  pagoda  retired  some  years  ago.  As  we  walked  through 
the  dark  wood,  which  everywhere  covers  the  country,  the 
cymbals  and  drums  struck  up,  and  never  did  sounds  go 
through  my  heart  with  such  horror  in  my  life.  I  would  have 
given  the  world  to  have  known  the  language,  to  have  preach- 
ed to  them.  At  this  moment  Mr.  Marshman  arrived,  and  my 
soul  exulted  that  the  truth  would  now  be  made  known  ;  he 
addressed  the  Brahmins  with  a  few  questions  about  the  god ; 
they  seemed  to  be  all  agreed  with  Mr.  M.  and  quite  ashamed 
at  being  interrogated,  when  they  knew  they  could  give  no 
answer.  They  were  at  least  mute,  and  would  not  reply  ;  and 
when  he  continued  speaking,  they  struck  up  again  with  their 
detestable  music,  and  so  silenced  him.  We  walked  away  in 
sorrow ;  but  the  scene  we  had  witnessed  gave  rise  to  a  very 
profitable  conversation,  which  lasted  some  hours.  Marshman, 
in  conversation  with  me,  sketched  out,  what  he  thought  would 
be  the  most  useful  plan  for  me  to  pursue  in  India ;  which 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  333 

would  be  to  stay  in  Calcutta  a  year  to  learn  the  language, 
and  when  1  went  up  the  country,  to  take  one  or  two  native 
brethren  with  me,  to  send  them  forth,  and  preach  occasionally 
only  to  confirm  their  word,  to  estabhsh  schools,  and  visit 
them.  He  said  I  should  do  far  more  good  in  the  way  of  in- 
fluence, than  merely  by  actual  preaching.  After  all,  what- 
ever God  may  appoint,  prayer  is  the  great  thing.  Oh  that  I 
may  be  a  man  of  prayer !  my  spirit  still  struggles  for  deliver- 
ance from  all  my  corruptions. 

May.  22.  In  prayer  this  morning,  my  soul  found  the  blessed 
God  revealing  himself  in  comfort  to  my  soul.  I  have  for 
many  days  been  going  on  frowardly  in  the  ways  of  my  heart 
finding  little  pleasure  in  God,  and  less  in  anything  else  ;  but 
the  Lord  hath  led  me,  and  restored  comfort  to  me.  Telling 
Mr.  Brown  about  my  Cambridge  honors,  I  found  m}'-  pride 
stirred,  and  bitterly  repented  having  said  anything  about  it. 
Surely  the  increase  of  humility  need  not  be  neglected,  when 
silence  may  do  it. 

*  May  23.  Was  in  general  in  a  spiritual  happy  frame  the 
whole  day,  which  I  cannot  but  ascribe  to  my  being  more 
diligent  in  prayer  over  the  Scriptures  ;  so  that  it  is  the  neglect 
of  this  duty  that  keeps  my  soul  so  Ioav. 

May  25.  (Sunday.)  In  the  morning  my  heart  was  toler- 
ably spiritual ;  I  felt  withdrawn  from  the  world,  and  found 
pleasure  in  being  alone  with  the  blessed  God.  Oh  what 
heavenly-mindedness  might  I  enjoy  by  more  communion  with 
God! 

May  26.  Went  up  to  Serampore  with  Mr.  Brown,  with 
whom  I  had  much  enlivening  conversation.  Why  cannot  I 
be  like  Fletcher  and  Brainerd,  and  those  great  men  of  modern 
times  ?  Is  anything  too  hard  for  the  Lord  ?  Cannot  my 
stupid  stony  heart  be  made  to  flame  with  love  and  zeal  ? 
What  is  it  that  bewitches  me,  that  I  live  such  a  dying  hfe  ? 
my  soul  groans  under  its  bondage.     In  the  evening  Marsh- 


834  JOURNAL  AND  LETTERS         [1806. 

man  called  ;  I  walked  back  with  him,  and  was  not  a  little 
offended  at  his  speaking  against  the  use  of  a  liturgy.  I 
•returned  full  of  grief  at  the  offences  which  arise  amongst 
men,  and  determined  to  be  more  alone  with  the  blessed  God. 
May  27.  Mr.  B.  sent  me  a  note  from  his  house  to  the 
pagoda,  so  kind  and  humble  that  I  felt  quite  overwhelmed 
and  grieved,  that  my  real  character  should  not  be  better 
known,  and  less  thought  of. 

May  29.  Throughout  this  day  frequent  and  regular  in 
praying  over  the  Scripture  for  an  increase  of  grace,  without 
feeling  much  comfort  or  benefit ;  but  at  night,  my  soul  began 
to  be  drawn  up  to  the  things  of  another  world.  In  conver- 
sation at  night  with  Mr.  Brown  and  Marshman  I  was  enabled 
to  retire  at  once  into  my  spirit,  when  the  conversation  became 
at  all  unprofitable.  Had  some  conversation  with  Marshman 
alone  on  the  prospects  of  the  gospel  in  this  country,  and  the 
state  of  religion  in  our  hearts,  for  which  I  felt  more  anxious. 
Notwithstanding  I  endeavored  to  guard  against  prating  only 
to  display  my  experience,  I  found  myself  somewhat  ruffled 
by  the  conversation,  and  derived  no  benefit  from  it,  but  felt 
desirous  only  to  get  away  from  the  world,  and  cease  from 
men;  my  pride  was  a  little  hurt  by  M.'s  questioning  me  as 
the  merest  novice.  He  probably  sees  farther  into  me,  than  I 
see  into  myself. 

June  2.  My  soul  tried  by  the  enemy,  but  keeping  near  to 
God.  There  are,  it  is  said,  breadths  and  lengths  in  the  love 
of  Christ.  Was  astonished  this  evening  to  think  of  the 
returns  I  make.  I  tried  to  have  my  heart  affected  with  love 
to  the  blessed  Lord  Jesus.  0  my  Redeemer  !  what  is  it  that 
hides  thy  beauties  from  my  soul  ?  my  only  friend  !  fairer 
than  ten  thousand,  and  altogether  lovely,  why  do  I  not  love 
thee  ? 

June  3.  Exercises  of  mind  obliging  me  to  wait  upon  God 
continually  to  purify,  solemnize,  and  quicken  me.^    Called  at 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  335 

nio-ht  on  a  pious  family  in  tlie  town  ;  but  instead  of  being 
able  to  edify  them  by  godly  conversation,  I  returned  full  of 
shame  and  sorrow  at  various  inconsistencies,  which  might 
well  disgrace  me  in  the  eyes  of  the  people  of  God.  0  may 
they  never  take  occasion,  from  the  folly  that  they  see  in  me, 
to  walk  carelessly  themselves  ! 

June  4.  Went  in  great  dejection  to  church ;  gneved  that 
I  could  not  speak  with  plainness  and  affection  to  the  people. 
In  prayer  before  sermon,  I  found  some  relief  in  breathing  out 
my  complaints  to  God,  and  in  the  sermon  was  sufficiently 
plain,  I  believe.  At  home  afterwards,  found  my  soul  lively  ; 
disposed  to  labor  and  pray.  I  could  not  feel  satisfied  at 
having  merely  got  through  my  work,  but  was  constrained  to 
pray.  Lord,  let  this  sermon  be  for  the  conversion  of  many 
souls ;  let  me  not  preach  always  in  vain,  but  let  thv  word  at 
last  go  forth  in  power. 

June  5.  Employed  this  morning  in  comparing  the  Persian 
and  Nagree  alphabets,  and  rendering  some  Hindoostanee 
stories  from  one  into  the  other.  Severely  tried  by  fleshly 
temptations,  and  my  mind  also  in  the  dark  respecting  my 
destination,  and  something  dejected, 

June  6.  Full  of  pain  from  a  sore  throat,  and  agitated  with 
uneasy  thoughts.  Death  seemed  at  hand,  and  I  felt  unwill- 
ing to  die.  I  could  not  find  that  there  was  anything  in  my 
habitual  state  that  alarmed  me,  nor  could  I  disbelieve  Christ's 
willingness  to  receive  me ;  but  it  appeared  so  melancholy  to 
leave  friends  and  habitation  on  earth. 

June  7.  In  prayer  in  general  was  more  occupied  with 
pleading  for  a  ministerial  spirit,  than  for  other  things.  Such 
a  difi'erence  is  there  between  all  that  is  in  this  miserable 
heart,  and  the  holy  unction  that  is  visible  on  those  ministers 
of  old,  that  I  cannot  but  perceive,  that  1  have  the  name  and 
shadow  only  of  a  minister. 

June  8.  Preached  at  the  new  church  for  the  first  time,  on 


386  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

1  Cor.  i.  23,  24.  The  sermon  excited  no  small  ferment; 
however,  after  some  looks  of  surprise  and  whispering,  the 
congregation  became  attentive  and  serious.  I  knew  what  I 
was  to  be  on  my  guard  against, —  and  therefore,  that  I  might 
not  have  my  mind  full  of  idle  thoughts  about  the  opinions  of 
men,  I  prayed  both  before  and  after,  that  the  w^ord  might  be 
for  the  conversion  of  souls,  and  that  I  might  feel  indifferent, 
except  on  this  score. 

June  9.  Somewhat  melancholy  at  reflecting  on  being  soon 
to  be  cut  off  from  such  delightful  Christian  society.  But 
alas  !  why  do  I  regret  it  ?  let  me  live  contentedly,  separated 
from  every  creature  consolation,  and  look  forward  with  de- 
light and  joy  to  the  day  of  my  departure  from  this  world. 
At  night,  went  to  the  mission-house,  and  heard  Mr.  Ward's 
monthly  lecture,  on  the  manners  and  customs  of  the  Hindoos. 

June  10.  The  bilious  fever  with  which  I  had  been  attacked 
continued  to  increase,  till  Mr,  B.  and  his  family  began  to  be 
seriously  alarmed.  During  the  first  part  of  the  day  I  could 
feel  nothing  suitable  to  the  awfulness  of  the  occasion.  I  was 
disposed  to  trifle  with  death,  and  could  not  fix  my  thoughts 
in  prayer.  But  on  a  sudden  I  found  myself  serious,  and 
breathed  forth  my  soul  freely  to  God.  God  vouchsafed  at 
this  time  to  give  me  a  sweet  serenity  at  the  prospect  of  death. 
I  thought  with  pleasure  of  leaving  this  world  of  sin  and 
sorrow  ;  enjoyed  an  almost  uninterrupted  peace  of  mind. 

June  11.  Had  little  enjoyment  of  God's  presence,  through 
a  detestable  lightness  of  spirit,  which  has  more  wounded  my 
peace  than  any  other  evil  whatsoever.  Dr.  Taylor  visited  me 
at  night,  and  spoke  of  missionary  subjects.  He  said  he 
expected  to  live  to  see  the  temporal  power  of  the  Mahom- 
medans  destroyed. 

June  12.  Still  exceedingly  feeble ;  I  came  into  the  house 
to  dinner,  but  while  there,  I  felt  as  if  fainting  or  dying.  The 
Lord  was  pleased  to  break  my  hard  heart,  and  deliver  me 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  337 

from  that  satanic  spirit  of  light  and  arrogant  imconcerii 
about  which  I  groaned  out  my  coniplaint  to  God. 

June  14.  A  pundit  came  to  me  this  morning,  but  after 
having  ray  patience  tried  with  him>  I  was  obhged  to  send  him 
away,  as  he  knew  nothing  about  Hindoostanee.  I  was  ex- 
ceedingly puzzled  to  know,  how  I  should  ever  be  able  to  ac- 
quire any  assistance  in  learning  these  languages.  Alas !  what 
ti'ials  are  awaiting  me.  In  the  afternoon,  while  pleading  for 
a  contrite,  tender  spirit,  but  in  vain,  I  was  obliged  to  cease 
praying  for  that  tenderness  of  spirit>  and  to  go  on  to  other 
petitions,  and  by  this  means  was  brought  to  a  more  submis- 
sive state. 

June  16.  Heard  that  Dr.  W.  had  made  an  intemperate  at- 
tack upon  me  yesterday  at  the  new  church,  and  upon  all  the 
doctrines  of  the  gospel.  I  felt,  like  the  rest,  disposed  to  be 
entertained  at  it ;  but  I  knew  it  to  be  wrong,  and  therefore 
found  it  far  sweeter  to  retire  and  pray,  with  my  mind  fixed 
upon  the  more  awful  things  of  another  world.  McK.  called 
on  us  this  afternoon  on  his  way  to  Delhi.  I  was  shocked  at 
his  coldness  about  divine  things  ;  yet  unhappily  found  no 
opportunity  to  speak  to  him  on  it. 

June  19.  Rose  in  gloom,  but  that  was  soon  dissipated  by 
consideration,  and  prayer.  Began  after  breakfast,  for  the 
first  time,  with  a  moonshee,  a  Cashmerian  Brahmin,  with 
whom  I  was  much  pleased.  In  the  boat,  back  to  Serara- 
pore,  learning  roots.  Walked  at  night,  with  Marshmim  and 
Mr.  B.  to  the  bazaar  held  at  this  time  of  the  year,  for  the 
use  of  the  people  assembling  at  Juggernaut.  The  booth  or 
carriage  was  fifty  feet  high,  in  appearance  a  wooden  temple, 
with  rows  of  wheels  through  the  centre  of  it.  By  the  side 
of  this  a  native  brother  who  attended  Marshman  gave  away 
papers ;  and  this  gave  occasion  to  disputes,  which  continued 
a  considerable  time   between  Marshman  and  the  Brahmins. 

Felt  somewhat  hurt  at  night  at  's  insinuating  that  my 

15 


338  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

low  spirits,  as  he  called  it,  were  owing  to  want  of  diligence. 
God  help  me  to  be  free  from  this  charge,  and  yet  not  desi- 
rous to  make  a  show  before  men  !  May  I  walk  in  sweet  and 
inward  communion  with  him,  laboring  with  never-ceasing 
diligence  and  care,  and  assured  that  I  shall  not  live  or  labor 
in  vain ! 

June  20,  21.  Employed  in  learning  Hindoostanee.  Hear- 
ing of  Mr.  Pitt's  death,  I  was  led  into  solemn  reflections  on 
our  mortality,  and  the  vanity  of  the  world.  Alas,  what 
matters  it  to  have  acquired  such  a  name  as  Mr.  Pitt,  or  Lord 
Nelson,  or  Lord  Cornwallis,  who  have  all  just  died,  if  they 
are  not  the  servants  of  God  !  How  vast  the  change  at  the 
last  day,  when  the  despised  children  of  God  shall  shine  forth 
as  the  sun  in  the  kino-dom  of  their  Father ! 

o 

June  22,  (Sunday.)  Labored  much  in  prayer  in  the  morn- 
ing, that  God  would  be  pleased  to  keep  my  heart  during  the 
service  from  thinking  about  men.  In  public  worship  I  was 
rather  more  heavenlj^'-rainded  than  on  former  occasions,  yet 
still  vain  and  wandering.  At  night  preached  on  John  x.  11, 
"  1  am  the  good  Shepherd  ;"  there  was  great  attention.  Yet 
felt  a  little  dejected  afterwards,  as  if  I  always  preached 
without  doing  good. 

June  24.  At  day-light  left  Calcutta;  arrived  at  Seramporc 
at  eight,  and  retired  to  my  pagoda,  intending  to  spend  the 
day  in  fasting  and  pi-ayer ;  but  after  a  prayer,  in  which  the 
Lord  helped  me  to  review  with  sorrow  the  wickedness  of  my 
past  life,  I  was  so  overcome  with  fatigue  that  I  fell  asleep, 
and  thus  lost  the  whole  morning  ;  so  I  gave  up  my  original 
intention.  Passed  the  afternoon  in  translating  the  2d  chapter 
of  St.  Matthew  into  Hindoostanee.  Had  a  lon^  conversation 
at  night  with  Marshraan,  whose  desire  now  is,  that  I  should 
give  myself  to  the  study  of  Hindoostanee  for  the  sake  of  the 
Scriptures,  and  be  ready  to  supply  the  place  of  Carey  and 
Marshman  in  the  work,  should  they  be  taken   off;  and  for 


1806. J  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  339 

another  reason — that  I  might  awaken  the  attention  of  the 
people  of  God  in  Calcutta  more  to  missionary  subjects.  I 
was  struck  with  the  importance  of  having  proper  persons 
here  to  supply  the  place  of  these  two  men ;  but  could  not 
see  that  it  was  the  path  God  designed  for  me.  I  felt,  how- 
ever, a  most  impatient  desire  that  some  of  my  friends  should 
come  out,  and  give  themselves  to  the  work ;  for  Avhich  they 
are  so  much  more  fit  in  point  of  learning  than  any  of  the 
Dissenters  are,  and  could  not  bear  that  a  work  of  such  stu- 
pendous magnitude  should  be  endangered  by  their  neglect, 
and  love  of  the  world. 

June  25.  Set  apart  this  day  for  fasting  and  prayer;  at  the 
remembrance  of  my  past  life,  with  which  I  generally  begin, 
I  was  tenderly  affected  with  some  degree  of  sorrow  and  hu- 
miliation ;  afterwards  for  increase  of  grace  to  my  own  soul, 
and  in  my  ministry,  and  in  intercession  for  my  country  and 
friends,  1  could  not  plead  with  power.  In  prayer  for  the 
setting  up  of  the  kingdom  of  God  in  India,  I  felt  some  free-* 
dom,  but  httle  love  for  souls. 

June  26.  Employed  in  translating  St.  Matthew  into  Hin- 
doostanee,  and  reading  Mirza's  translation  ;  aftei-wards  had 
moonshee  a  little.  In  the  afternoon  walked  with  Mr.  Brown 
to  see  Juggernaut's  car  drawn  back  to  its  pagoda.  Many 
thousands  of  people  were  present,  rending  the  air  with  ac- 
clamations. The  car  and  tower  was  decorated  with  a  vast 
number  of  flags,  and  the  Brahmins  were  passing  to  and  fro 
through  the  different  compartments  of  it,  catching  the  offer- 
ings of  fruit,  cowries,  &c.,  that  were  thrown  up  to  the  god  ; 
for  which  they  threw  down  in  return  small  wreaths  of  flow- 
ers, which  the  people  wore  round  their  necks  and  in  their 
hair.  When  the  car  stopped  at  the  pagoda,  the  god,  with 
one  or  two  attending  deities,  were  let  down  by  ropes,  muffled 
up  in  red  cloths,  a  band  of  singers  with  drums  and  cymbals 
going  round  the  car  while  this  was  performed.     Before  the 


340  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

stumps  of  images,  for  they  were  not  better,  some  of  the  peo- 
ple prostrated  themselves,  strikmg  the  ground  twice  with 
their  foreheads ;  this  excited  more  horror  in  me  than  I  can 
well  express,  and  I  was  about  to  stammer  out  in  Hindoosta- 
nee,  "  Why  do  ye  these  things  ?"  and  to  preach  the  gospel. 
The  words  were  on  my  lips — though,  if  1  had  spoken,  thou- 
sands would  have  crowded  round  me,  and  I  should  not  have 
been  understood.  However,  I  felt  my  spirit  more  inflamed 
with  zeal  than  I  ever  conceived  it  would  be ;  and  I  thought 
that  if  I  had  words,  I  would  preach  to  the  multitudes  all  the 
day,  if  I  lost  my  life  for  it.  It  was  curious  how  the  women 
clasped  their  hands,  and  lifted  them  up  as  if  in  the  ecstacy  of 
devotion,  while  Juggernaut  was  tumbled  about  in  the  most 
clumsy  manner  before  their  eyes.  I  thought  with  some  sor- 
row, that  Satan  may  exert  the  same  influence  in  exciting  ap- 
parently religious  affections  in  professors  of  the  gospel,  in 
order  to  deceive  souls  to  their  eternal  ruin.  Dr.  Taylor  and 
Mr.  Moore  joined  us,  and  distributed  tracts.  Mr.  Ward,  we 
heard,  was  at  a  distance  preaching.  On  our  return,  we  met 
Marshman  going  upon  the  same  errand.  In  evening  worship 
my  heart  was  rather  drawn  out  for  the  heathen,  and  my  soul 
in  general  through  the  day  enjoyed  a  cheering  sense  of  God's 
love.  Marshman  joined  us  again,  and  our  conversation  was 
about  supporting  some  native  missions. 

June  29.  (Sunday.)  Preached  this  morning  to  a  large  con- 
gregation in  the  New  Church,  on  Rom.  vii.  18,  and  was  in 
general  raised  in  my  thoughts  and  affections  above  this  world, 
but  love  of  souls  is  what  I  do  not  feel.  God  help  me  to 
seek  after  it ! 

June  30.  Spent  the  afternoon  chiefly  in  prayer,  of  which 
my  soul  stood  greatly  in  need,  through  the  snares  into  which 
my  heart  had  been  falling.  Through  mercy  my  heart  was 
not  so  far  gone  from  God,  as  to  find  it  very  difficult  to  re- 
nounce the  world  again.     But  I  found  it  necessary  to  cry  for 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  341 

deliverance  from  all  my  present  thoughts,  again  to  bid  adieu 
to  the  world,  and  be  no  more  entangled  with  it,  but  to  live  as 
if  I  had  not  a  friend  in  the  world,  entirely  set  apart  for  God. 
My  soul  was  blessed  with  peace,  though  I  was  somewhat 
melancholy  at  the  pain  the  conflict  occasioned. 

July  1.  I  would  consider  every  day  as  a  time  of  contra- 
diction to  the  flesh,  and  would  expect  no  pleasure,  but  a  life 
of  hardship,  labor,  and  humiliation.  If  outward  things  are 
made  comfortable,  through  goodness  and  love,  let  God  be 
praised  ;  but  I  would  not  think  of  these  things,  but  see  them 
ebb  or  flow  with  equal  indifference.  I  would  consider  heaven 
as  my  only  dwelling-place,  and  on  that  let  me  be  always 
thinking.  The  setting  up  of  Christ's  kingdom  in  the  hearts 
of  men  is  my  delightful  business  upon  earth  ;  but  oh,  let  me 
labor  in  that  with  a  mind  simply  directed  to  Jesus !  so  shall 
I  walk  steadily  with  God. 

July  3.  Rose  with  some  happiness  in  my  soul,  and  delight 
in  the  thought  of  an  inci'ease  of  labor  in  the  church  of  God. 
Was  detained  in  the  house  at  a  time  when  I  wanted  prayer. 
In  the  evening  walked  with  the  famil}^  through  Serampore, 
the  natives'  part.  At  night  v;e  had  a  delightful  spiritual  con- 
versation. Thus  my  time  passes  most  agreeably  in  this  dear 
family.  Lord,  let  me  be  willing  to  leave  it  and  the  world 
with  joy. 

July  7.  After  the  first  thought  of  indolence,  self-compla- 
cency, and  discontent  had  been  dissipated,  my  soul  was 
brouglit  by  the  gracious  Spirit  to  a  diff'erent  frame,  so  that  it 
was  delightful  to  me  to  think  of  laboring  ardently  for  God 
and  heathen  souls,  unknown  and  unnoticed  by  the  creature. 
Oh,  surely  God  does  intend  good  for  India  ere  lonof ;  or  is  it 
because  I  find  the  belief  so  agreeable,  that  I  do  beheve  it  ? 
Mirza  came  to  me  this  morninc: ;  and  as  it  was  the  last  time 
I  should  see  him,  I  preached  the  gospel  to  him.  He  said 
that  now  he  had  translated  the  Gospels,  he  was  become  a 


342  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

Christian  in  heart,  and  wished  to  spend  the  remainder  of  his 
days  in  a  corner,  thinking*  of  God.  Thus  fairly  will  even  a 
ferocious  Mussulman  sjDeak. 

July  8.  Reading  with  moonshee  all  the  morning.  Spent 
the  afternoon  in  reading  and  prayer,  as  preparatory  to  a  meet- 
ing of  the  missionaries  at  night.  At  eight,  ten  of  us  met  in 
my  pagoda.  It  was,  throughout,  a  soul-refreshing  ordinance 
to  me ;  I  felt  as  I  wished,  as  if  having  done  with  the  world, 
and  standing  on  the  very  verge  of  heaven,  rejoicing  at  the 
glorious  work  which  God  will  accomplish  on  the  earth.  An 
idea  thrown  out  by pleased  me  very  much,  not  on  ac- 
count of  its  practicability,  but  its  grandeur,  i.e.  that  there 
should  be  an  annual  meeting,  at  the  Cape  of  Good  Hope,  of 
all  the  missionaries  in  the  >vorld. 

July  9.  Reading  the  sermon  on  the  mount,  in  the  Ilindoo- 
stanee  Testament,  with  moonshee.  In  the  evening,  went  to 
the  missionary  house,  drank  tea,  and  attended  their  worship. 
These  affectionate  souls  never  fail  to  mention  me  particularly 
in  their  prayers,  but  I  am  grieved  that  they  so  mistake  my 
occasional  warmth  for  zeal.  It  is  one  of  the  things  in  which 
I  am  most  low  and  backward,  as  the  Lord,  who  seeth  in  secret, 
knows  too  well.  Oh  then,  may  any  who  think  it  worth  while 
to  take  up  my  name  into  their  lips,  pray  for  the  beginning 
rather  than  the  continuance  of  zeal !  Marshman,  in  my  walk 
with  him,  kindly  assured  me  of  his  great  regard  and  union  of 
heart  with  me.  I  would  that  I  had  more  gratitude  to  God, 
for  so  putting  it  into  the  hearts  of  his  people  to  show  regard 
to  one  so  undeserving.  At  night,  had  much  nearness  to  God 
in  prayer.  I  found  it  sweet  to  my  spirit  to  reflect  on  my 
being  a  pilgrim  on  earth,  with  Christ  for  my  near  and  dear 
friend,  and  found  myself  unwilling  to  leave  off. 

July  11.  Had  much  plague  from  the  vanities  of  my  heart 
to-day.  Some  suitable  thoughts  coming  into  my  mind  at 
night,  of  the  majesty  of  God,   and  the  manner  in  which. 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  343 

angels  serve  him,  from  hearing  sacred  music,  I  was  astonished 
at  reflecting  on  my  daring  irreverence.  Oh,  never  have  I  ap- 
proached the  Deity  with  anything  of  a  proper  temper.  Due 
apprehensions  of  him  I  cannot  expect  to  have ;  but  surely  I 
might  walk  before  liim  with  less  carelessness  than  I  do  !  The 
seraphs  veil  their  faces  with  their  wings,  before  the  Lord. 
Oh  to  think  that  such  a  despicable  creature  should  be  irreve- 
rent ! 

July  13.  (Sunday.)  Talked  to  Mr.  B.  about  L.  He  strongly 
recommended  endeavoring  to  bring  her  here.  I  enjoy  in 
general  such  sweet  peace  of  mind,  from  considering  myself  a 
stranger  upon  earth,  unknown,  forgotten,  that  were  I  never 
thrown  into  any  more  trying  circumstances  than  I  am  in  at  pre- 
sent, no  change  could  add  to  my  happiness.     At  the  new 

church  this  morning,  had  the  happiness  of  hearing  Mr.  J 

preach.  I  trust  God  will  graciously  keep  him,  and  instruct 
him,  and  make  him  another  witness  of  Jesus  in  this  place. 
My  heart  was  greatly  refreshed,  and  rejoiced  at  it  all  the  day. 

July  14.  The  same  subject  engrosses  my  whole  thoughts. 
Mr.  B.'s  arguments  appear  so  strong,  that  my  mind  is  almost 
made  up  to  send  for  Lydia.  Passed  much  of  the  morning 
with  Mirza,  the  Mahometan,  and  endeavored  to  press  upon, 
his  mind  the  truths  of  the  gospel ;  in  the  afternoon,  with 
raoonshee.  Till  evening  worship,  passed  some  time  profitably 
in  reading  and  prayer,  and  God  in  grace  and  love  helped  me 
to  have  my  affections  withdrawn  from  the  world,  and  to  be 
indifferent  about  the  event  of  what  is  now  passing  in  my 
mind.  Through  Christian  friends  being  with  us  this  evening, 
we  had  some  agreeable  conversation  on  divine  things. 

July  17.  Engaged  in  writing  a  sermon  for  Sunday.  After 
officiating  at  evening  w^oi'ship,  I  felt  my  heart  much  enlarged, 
and  disposed  to  exclude  anything  but  spiritual  conversation. 
Afterwards  Mr.  J,  came  and  conversed  with  Mr.  B.  and  my- 
self, on  the  subject  of  the  late  attacks  from  the  pulpit,  which 


814  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

we  had  heard.  Blessed  be  God,  Mr.  J.  seems  really  disposed 
to  .join  with  the  followers  of  the  Lord. 

Jlly  20.  (Sunday.)  Preached  at  the  new  church,  on  2 
Cor.  V.  17.  Mr.  Marshman  dined  with  us,  and  at  four  I 
went  to  the  Bazaar,  to  hear  him  preach  to  the  natives.  I 
arrived  at  the  shed  before  him,  and  found  the  native  brethren 
singing,  after  which  one  of  them  got  up,  and  addressed  the 
people  with  such  firmness  and  mild  energy,  notwithstanding 
their  occasional  contradictions  and  ridicule,  that  I  was  quite 
delighted  and  refreshed.  To  see  a  native  Indian,  an  earnest 
advocate  for  Jesus,  how  precious  !  Marshman  afterwards 
came  and  prayed,  sang,  and  preached.  I  felt  pained,  that 
he  should  so  frequently  speak  with  contempt  of  the  Brah- 
mins, many  of  whom  were  listening  with  great  respect  and 
attention.  The  group  presented  all  that  variety  of  counte- 
nance, which  the  word  is  represented  as  producing  in  a 
heathen  audience.  Some  inattentive,  others  scornful,  and 
others  seemingly  melting  under  it.  Another  native  brother, 
I  believe,  then  addressed  them.  An  Indian  sermon  about 
Jesus  Christ  was  like  music  on  my  ear,  and  I  felt  inflamed  to 
begin  my  work  :  these  poor  people  possess  more  intelligence 
and  feeling  than  I  thought.  At  the  end  of  the  service,  there 
was  a  sort  of  uproar  when  the  papers  were  given  away,  and 
the  attention  of  the  populace  and  of  some  Europeans  was 
excited. 

July  22.  Read  Hindoostanee  without  moonshee.  At  night 
I  saw  the  awful  necessity  of  being  no  longer  slothful,  nor 
wasting  my  thoughts  about  such  trifles,  as  whether  I  should 
be  married  or  not ;  and  felt  a  great  degree  of  fear,  lest  the 
blood  of  the  five  thousand  Mahometans,  who  Mr.  B,  said 
were  to  be  found  in  Calcutta,  capable  of  understanding  a 
Hindoostanee  sermon,  should  be  required  at  my  hand, 

July  25.  Walked  from  the  landing-place,  a  mile  and  a 
half,  through  the  native  part  of  Calcutta,  amidst  crowds  of 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  345 

orientals  of  all  nations.  How  would  the  spirit  of  St.  Paul 
have  been  moved  !  The  thought  of  summoning  the  attention 
of  such  multitudes  appeared  ver}^  formidable ;  and  during 
the  course  of  the  evening  was  the  occasion  of  many  solemn 
thoughts  and  prayer,  that  God  would  deliver  me  from  all 
softness  of  mind,  feai-,  and  self-indulgence,  and  make  me 
ready  to  suffer  shame  and  death  for  the  name  of  the  Lord 
Jesus. 

July  29.  Much  of  this  morning  taken  up  in  writing  to 
Lydia.  As  far  as  my  own  views  extend,  I  feel  no  doubt  at 
all  about  the  propriety  of  the  measure — of  at  least  proposing 
it.  May  the  Lord,  in  continuance  of  his  loving  kindness  to 
her  and  me,  direct  her  mind !  that  if  she  comes,  I  may  con- 
sider it  as  a  special  gift  from  God,  and  not  merely  permitted 
by  him.  Marshman  sat  with  us  in  the  evening,  and  as 
usual  was  teeming  with  plans  for  the  propagation  of  the 
gospel. 

July  30.  Felt  the  necessity  of  stirring  myself  up  to  a  moi  e 
cheerful  activity  in  conversation,  and  endeavors  to  do  any 
such  good  by  constant  exertion.  In  the  afternoon  and  at 
night  thinking  about  sermon  ;  but  ray  soul  does  not  enjoy 
the  presence  of  God.  My  prayers  arc  wnth  seriousness,  but 
without  affection  and  joy.  For  all  the  impurity  and  iniquity, 
and  indolence  of  my  heart,  the  Lord,  I  fear,  hideth  his  face. 
Oh  mercifully  cleanse  me  from  all  filthiness  of  flesh  and 
spirit ! 


346  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

SERAMroRE,  July  30, 1806. 

My  Dearest  Lydia  : 

On  a  subject  so  intimately  connected  with  my  happiness 
and  future  ministry,  as  that  on  which  I  am  now  about  to  ad- 
dress you,  I  wish  to  assure  you,  that  I  am  not  acting  with 
precipitancy,  or  without  much  consideration  and  prayer, 
while  I  at  last  sit  down  to  request  you  to  come  out  to  me  to 
India. 

May  the  Lord  graciously  direct  his  blind  and  erring  crea- 
ture, and  not  suffer  the  natural  bias  of  his  mind  to  lead  him 
astray.  You  are  acquainted  with  much  of  the  conflict  I  have 
undergone  on  your  account.  It  has  been  greater  than  you  or 
Emma  have  imagined,  and  yet  not  so  painful  as  I  deserve  to 
have  found  it,  for  having  suffered  my  affections  to  fasten  so 
inordinately  on  an  earthly  object. 

Soon,  however,  after  my  final  departure  from  Europe,  God 
in  great  mercy  gave  me  deliverance,  and  favored  me  through- 
out the  voyage  with  peace  of  mind,  indifference  about  all 
worldly  connections,  and  devotedness  to  no  object  upon 
earth  but  the  work  of  Christ.  I  gave  you  up  entirely — not 
the  smallest  expectation  remained  in  my  mind  of  ever  seeing 
you  again  till  we  should  meet  in  heaven  :  and  the  thought 
of  this  separation  was  the  less  painful,  from  the  consolatory 
persuasion  tlmt  our  own  Father  had  so  ordered  it  for  our 
mutual  good.  I  continued  from  that  time  to  remember  you 
in  my  prayers  only  as  a  Christian  sister,  though  one  very 
dear  to  me.  On  my  arrival  in  this  countr}^  I  saw  no  reason 
at  first  for  supposing  that  marriage  was  advisable  for  a  mis- 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  347 

sionary.  After  a  very  short  experience  and  inquiry  after- 
wards, my  own  opinions  began  to  change,  and  when  a  few 
weeks  ago  we  received  your  welcome  letter,  and  others  from 
Mr.  Simeon  and  Colonel  Sandys,  both  of  whom  spoke  of  you 
in  reference  to  me,  I  considered  it  even  as  a  call  from  God 
to  satisfy  myself  fully  concerning  his  will. 

Though  I  dare  not  say  that  I  am  under  no  bias,  yet  from 
every  view  of  the  subject  I  have  been  able  to  take,  after  bal- 
ancing the  advantages  and  disadvantages  that  may  ensue  to 
the  cause  in  which  I  am  engaged,  always  in  prayer  for  God's 
direction,  my  reason  is  fully  convinced  of  the  expediency,  I 
had  almost  said  the  necessity,  of  having  you  with  me.  It  is 
possible  that  my  reason  may  still  be  obscured  by  passion  ;  let 
it  suffice,  however,  to  say,  that  now  with  a  safe  conscience, 
and  the  enjoyment  of  the  divine  presence,  I  calmly  and  de- 
liberately make  the  proposal  to  you — and  blessed  be  God,  if 
it  be  not  his  will  to  permit  it ;  still  this  step  is  not  advancing 
beyond  the  limits  of  duty,  because  there  is  a  variety  of  ways 
by  which  God  can  prevent  it  without  suffering  any  dishonor 
to  his  cause.  If  He  shall  forbid  it,  I  think,  that  by  his  grace, 
I  sliall  even  then  be  contented  and  rejoice  in  the  pleasure  of 
corresponding  with  you.  Your  letter  dated  December,  1805, 
was  the  first  I  received,  (your  former  having  been  taken  in 
the  Bell  Packet) — and  I  found  it  so  animating,  that  I  could 
not  but  reflect  on  the  blessedness  of  having  so  dear  a  coun- 
sellor always  near  me.  I  can  truly  say,  and  God  is  my  wit- 
ness, that  my  principal  desire  in  this  affair  is,  that  you  may 
promote  the  kingdom  of  God  in  my  own  heart,  and  be  the 
means  of  extending  it  to  the  heathen.  My  own  earthly  com- 
fort and  happiness  are  not  worth  a  moment's  notice —  I  would 
not,  my  dearest  Lydia,  influence  you  by  any  artifices  or  false 
representations.  I  can  only  say,  that  if  you  have  a  desire  of 
being  instrumental  in  establishing  the  blessed  Redeemer's 
kingdom  among  these  poor  people,  and  will  condescend  to  do 


348  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [180G. 

it  by  supporting  the  spirits,  and  animating  the  zeal,  of  a  weak 
messenger  of  the  Lord,  who  is  apt  to  grow  very  dispirited 
and  lano'uid  ,  "  Come,  and  the  Lord  be  with  you  !"  It  can 
be  nothing  but  a  sacrifice  on  your  part,  to  leave  your  valua- 
ble friends,  to  come  to  one  who  is  utterly  unworthy  of  you 
or  any  other  of  God's  precious  gifts — but  you  v/ill  have  your 
reward,  and  I  ask  it  not  of  you  or  of  God  for  the  sake  of  my 
own  happiness,  but  only  on  account  of  the  Gospel.  If  it  be 
not  calculated  to  promote  it,  may  God  in  his  mercy  withhold 
it !  For  the  satisfaction  of  your  friends,  I  should  say  that 
you  will  meet  with  no  hardships.  The  voyage  is  very  agree- 
able, and  with  the  people  and  country  of  India,  I  think  you 
will  be  much  pleased.  The  climate  is  very  fine — the  so  much 
dreaded  heat  is  really  nothing  to  those  who  will  employ 
their  minds  in  useful  pursuits.  Idleness  will  make  people 
complain  of  everything.  The  natives  are  the  most  harmless 
and  timid  creatures  I  ever  met  with.  The  whole  country  is 
the  land  of  plenty  and  peace.  Were  I  a  missionary  among 
the  Esquimaux  or  Boschemen,  I  should  never  dream  of  in- 
troducing a  female  into  such  a  scene  of  danger  or  hardship, 
especially  one  whose  happiness  is  dearer  to  me  than  my  own, 
— but  here  there  is  universal  tranquillity, — though  the  mul- 
titudes are  so  great,  that  a  missionary  needs  not  go  three 
miles  from  his  house,  without  having  a  congregation  of  many 
thousands.  You  would  not  be  left  in  solitude,  if  I  were  to 
make  any  distant  excursion,  because  no  chaplain  is  stationed 
where  there  is  not  a  large  English  society.  My  salary  is 
abundantly  sufficient  for  the  support  of  a  married  man,  the 
house  and  number  of  people  kept  by  each  company's  servant 
being  such,  as  to  need  no  increase  for  a  family  establishment. 
As  I  must  make  the  supposition  of  }Our  coming,  though  it 
may  be  perhaps  a  premature  liberty,  I  should  give  you  some 
directions.  This  letter  will  reach  you  about  the  latter  end  of 
the  year,— it  would  be  very  desirable,  if  you  could  be  ready 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  349 

for  the  February  fleet,  because  the  voyage  will  be  performed 
in  far  less  time  than  at  any  other  season.  Georo-e  will  find 
out  the  best  ship  ;  one  in  which  there  is  a  lady  of  high  rank 
in  the  service  would  be  preferable.  You  are  to  be  consider- 
ed as  coming  as  a  visitor  to  Mr.  Brown,  who  will  write  to  you, 
or  to  Colonel  Sandys,  who  is  best  qualified  to  give  you  direc- 
tions about  the  voyage.  Should  I  be  up  the  country  on  your 
arrival  in  Bengal,  Mr.  Brown  will  be  at  hand  to  receive  you, 
and  you  will  find  yourself  immediately  at  home.  As  it  will 
highly  expedite  some  of  the  plans  which  we  have  in  agitation, 
that  you  should  know  the  language  as  soon  as  possible,  take 
Gilchrist's  Indian  Stranger's  guide,  and  occasionally  on  the 
voyage  learn  some  of  the  words. 

If  I  had  room,  I  might  enlarge  on  much  that  would  be 
interesting  to  you.  In  my  conversations  with  Marshman, 
the  Baptist  missionary,  our  hearts  sometimes  expand  with 
delight  and  joy  at  the  prospect  of  seeing  all  these  nations  of 
the  East  receive  the  doctrine  of  the  Cross.  He  is  a  happy 
laborer  ;  and  I  only  wait,  I  trust,  to  know  the  languao-c,  to 
open  my  mouth  boldly,  and  make  known  the  mystery  of  the 
Gospel.  My  romantic  notions  are  for  the  first  time  almost 
realized, — for,  in  addition  to  the  beauties  of  sylvan  scenery, 
may  be  seen  the  more  delightful  object  of  multitudes  of  sim- 
ple people  sitting  in  the  shade,  listening  to  the  words  of 
eternal  life.  Much  as  yet  is  not  done ;  but  I  haA'-e  seen 
many  discover,  by  their  looks  while  Marshman  was  peaching, 
that  their  hearts  were  tenderly  affected.  My  post  is  not  yet 
determined ;  we  expect,  however,  it  will  be  Patna,  a  civil 
station,  where  I  shall  not  be  under  military  command.  As 
you  are  so  kindly  anxious  about  my  health,  I  am  happy  to 
say,  that,  through  mercy,  my  health  is  far  better  than  it  ever 
was  in  England. 

However,  you  shall  decide,  my  dearest  Lydia.  I  must 
approve  your  determination,  because  with  that  spirit  of  simple 


350  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

looking  to  the  Lord,  which  we  both  endeavor  to  maintain, 
we  must  not  doubt  that  you  will  be  divinely  directed.  Till  I 
receive  an  answer  to  this,  my  prayers,  you  may  be  assured, 
will  be  constantly  put  up  for  you,  that  in  this  affair  you  may 
be  under  an  especial  guidance,  and  that  in  all  your  ways 
God  may  be  abundantly  glorified  by  you  through  Jesus 
Christ.  You  say  in  your  letter,  that  frequently  every  day 
you  remember  my  worthless  name  before  the  throne  of  grace. 
This  instance  of  extraordinary  and  undeserved  kindness  draws 
my  heart  toward  you  with  a  tenderness  which  I  cannot 
describe.  Dearest  Lydia,  in  the  sweet  and  fond  expectation  of 
your  being  given  to  me  by  God,  and  of  the  happiness  which  I 
humbly  hope  you  yourself  might  enjoy  here,  I  find  a  pleasure 
in  breathing  out  my  assurance  of  ardent  love.  I  have  now 
long  loved  you  most  affectionately  ;  and  my  attachment  is 
more  strong,  more  pure,  more  heavenly,  because  I  see  in  you 
the  image  of  Jesus  Christ.  I  unwillingly  conclude,  by  bid- 
ding my  beloved  Lydia  adieu. 

H.  Martyx. 

July  31.  Was  blest  with  more  of  God's  presence,  espe- 
cially in  the  afternoon,  while  reading  the  first  three  chapters 
of  Revelations.  Amidst  the  noise  and  bustle  of  missionary 
societies  and  plans,  how  much  sweeter  and  more  strengthen- 
ing to  have  the  soul  withdrawn  to  God,  and  receiving  an 
humble  serious  hardihood  of  soul.  How  much  do  I  want 
this  !  Marshman's  earnest  recommendation  to  me  to  begin 
Sanscrit  seems  to  show,  that  God  will  employ  me  to  strike  at 
the  heart  of  Hindooism ;  may  the  Lord  make  bai-e  his  holy 
arm,  and  cause  his  worm  to  behold  the  downfall  of  the  king- 
dom of  Satan  ! 

August  1.  Set  apart  this  day  for  fasting  and  prayer  :  the 
remembrance  of  my  past  sins  was  again  brought  to  my  mind. 
As  usual,  however,  I  felt  no  tender  relenting  for  a  while  ;  by 


1806.]  OF    THE    HEY.    HENRY    MARTYN.  351 

which  the  Lord  led  me  to  see,  that  to  my  other  wickednesses 
I  add  that  of  an  impenitent  heart,  and  that  there  is  no  con- 
nection between  a  knowledge  of  the  head  respecting  sin,  and 
godly  sorrow  for  it,  without  the  precious  influences  of  the 
Spirit.  But  I  found  a  degree  of  abasement  at  last,  so  as  to 
desire  to  lie  low  before  God  and  man,  from  being  unworthy 
to  be  found  among  them.  In  prayer  for  grace  to  enable  me 
to  walk  holily  as  a  child  of  God,  ray  heart  was  enlarged  :  in 
interceding  for  dear  friends,  and  for  the  church  of  God,  not 
so  much  so ;  and  at  intervals  was  severely  tried  by  the  sug- 
gestions of  Satan  disposing  me  to  a  detestable  levity. 

Aug.  5.  I  was  tried  repeatedly,  most  violently  with 
worldly,  sensual  thoughts,  and  though  the  grace  of  God  was 
given  to  fight  against  them,  yet  they  left  such  a  defiling 
effect,  that  the  Comforter  was  withdrawn. 

Aug.  6.  My  heart  waving  in  its  state,  sometimes  in  acute 
misery,  separated  from  God  by  unbelief.  Meditated  on  Song 
of  Solomon  i.  1,8.  At  the  close  of  the  day,  my  harassed 
soul  found  grace,  from  a  compassionate  God,  to  be  serious 
and  composed.  I  felt  withdrawn  from  the  world,  and  dis- 
posed in  my  frame  to  speak  on  holding  fellowship  with  Jesus. 
Glory  be  to  God,  for  getting  so  far  on  my  way  !  I  seem  to 
be  doing  little  good  on  earth,  but  I  trust  to  be  made  more 
profitable  soon,  among  the  poor  heathen. 

Aug.  1.  By  a  nearer  view,  I  was  in  some  measure  con- 
vinced of  the  insignificance  of  the  idols  I  am  putting  in 
Jehovah's  room.  It  is  only  an  imaginary  value  I  affix  to 
creatures.  What  is  there  worthy  of  the  soul's  love,  but 
God  ?  And  yet,  oh  Lord,  the  smallest  temptation  can  draw 
me  away  from  thee.  Received  much  comfort  from  finding 
that  I  could  understand  my  Brahmin  so  well,  while  he 
described  the  customs  of  Cashmere,  and  explained  his  reli- 
gious views.  My  spirits  begins  to  expand  again  with  hope, 
that  I  shall  be  able  to  carry  the  everlasting  gospel  through 


352  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

the  regions  of  the  east.     Often  vain  and  trifling,  yet  my  heart 
felt,  while  thinking  of  the  Avords, 

Sweet  the  moments,  rich  in  blessing. 
Which  before  the  cross  I  spend, — 

oh  that  I  could  be  always  there,  meditating  on  the  humilia- 
tion and  dying  love  of  the  Lord  ! 

Aug.  8.  I  saw  the  absolute  necessity  of  forcing  my  way 
through  all  my  corrupt  thoughts  and  guilt  to  the  cross  of 
Christ,  and  depending  for  all  upon  the  grace  of  God ;  for  I 
could  make  no  head  against  them.  Marshman  suggested  the 
idea  of  my  going  as  a  missionary  to  China.  I  felt  no  reluc- 
tance to  encounter  dano-ers  and  death,  but  the  thouo-ht  of 
Lydia  occurred,  and  for  the  first  time  I  felt  a  little  entangled. 
But,  however,  I  determined  to  leave  her  at  the  call  of  God, 
being  assured  of  her  perfect  acquiescence  in  anything  which 
should  be  for  the  gospel :  and  seeing  the  ease  with  which  T 
could  do  it,  I  felt  more  satisfied  In  my  mind  than  ever,  that 
she  would  be  no  hindrance  to  me.  I  have,  however,  no 
notion  whatever  of  o-oino:  thither.  Such  a  rovino*  wanderincr 
spirit,  I  conceive  to  be  highly  unsuitable  to  a  missionary. 
The  Lord  opens  a  door  in  India,  and  the  exertions  of  English 
missionaries  ought  to  be  concentrated  there. 

Aug.  9.  The  agreeable  female  society  I  meet  with  in  India 
is  ver}''  dangerous  to  me,  by  producing  a  softness  of  mind, 
and  indisposition  to  solitude  and  bold  exertion.  "  Thou  there- 
fore endure  hardness,  as  a  good  soldier  of  Jesus  Christ."  I 
felt,  through  mercy,  my  danger  so  near,  that  I  determined 
without  hesitation  to  be  as  little  as  possible  in  the  enjoyment 
of  those  too  pleasing  comforts,  which  are  so  enervating. 
What  very,  very  little  desire  have  I  for  marriage,  except 
when  I  recollect  that  Lydia  will,  I  hope,  be  such  a  one,  that 
I  may  live  as  independent  as  if  single  !  Enjoyed  much  com- 
fort in  the  blessed  God.     Oh  how  preferable  is  a  taste  of 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  353 

spiritual  things,  to  every  other  enjoyment  in  the  world ! 
"  One  day  in  thy  courts  is  better  than  a  thousand." 

Aug.  10.  (Sunday.)  Preached  at  the  new  church  on  Acts 
iii.  26,  before  the  Governor-General,  Sir  George  Barlow, 
There  were  not  many  present,  on  account  of  the  excessive 
closeness  of  the  day ;  but  they  were  apparently  impressed. 

Aug.  11.  The  afternoon  and  evening  were  spent  in  agoniz- 
ing conflicts  with  my  corrupt  affections.  How  long,  oh  Lord, 
shall  I  try  thy  patience  ?  Passion  subsides  for  a  moment, 
and  I  am  at  ease  ;  but  I  have  no  power  over  my  own  heart. 
I  cannot  keep  reason  and  truth  in  view.  Yet  in  the  name  of 
God  I  will  say,  that  heaven  and  earth  shall  pass  away,  before 
I  will  yield.  The  right  hand  shall  be  cut  off,  and  the  right 
eye  plucked  out  a  thousand  times,  but  the  will  of  God  shall 
be  done.  At  night,  went  with  a  wounded  spirit  to  Mr.  V. 
to  dinner.  Found  to  my  no  great  satisfaction  a  large  party 
of  both  sexes,  to  all  of  whom  I  was  introduced.  I  soon  felt 
how  impossible  it  is  for  a  minister  to  speak  boldly  to  the 
people,  if  he  visits  them  in  their  common  meetings  without  a 
religious  purpose.  Made  for  one  evening  a  fine  gentleman 
among  them  ;  I  grieved  at  the  inconsistency  of  getting  up  to 
warn  them  of  the  wickedness  of  such  a  way  of  passing  their 
time.  I  trust  it  will  be  lono-  enouo-h  before  I  am  found  at 
another  such  party. 

Aug.  12.  Rose  rather  unhappy  from  a  stubbornness  of 
will ;  but  in  prayer  my  soul  was  much  refreshed,  so  that  I 
felt  desirous  only  of  conformity  to  the  will  of  God.  I  was 
likewise  enabled  to  pray  for  the  outpouring  of  the  Spirit 
upon  many  of  my  Christian  friends,  that  they  might  be  emi- 
nently holy.  Isaiah  Ix.  and  Rev.  xxi.  coming  together  to-day, 
in  the  course  of  my  daily  reading,  were  blessed  to  the  stir- 
ring up  of  my  desires  for  a  fervent  laboriousness  in  a  work  so 
glorious  as  the  building  of  the  temple  of  God. 

Aug.  13.  After  a  night,  in  which  I  had  experienced  a 


354  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

most  piercing  pain  in  my  head,  from  having  been  exposed  to 
the  glare  and  heat  of  an  unclouded  meridian  sun  for  a  few 
minutes, — I  arose  restored  by  the  goodness  of  my  God.  If 
so  small  a  benefit  appear  a  call  to  gratitude,  how  ought  I  to 
think  of  his  mercy,  in  not  suffering  presumptuous  sin  to  get 
the  dominion  over  me  ! 

Aug.  15.  Attended  Lord  Lake's  levee  with  a  prodigious 
crowd  of  military  officers,  &c.  It  was  as  trifling  as  the 
Governor- General's.  After  the  levee,  went  to  Serampore. 
The  length  of  time  they  took  to  carry  me  in  the  boat,  through 
the  mismanagement  of  the  mangee,  made  my  wicked  spirit 
show  itself  by  impatience.  How  far  the  Spirit  of  God  flies 
from  an  angry  mind  !  I  did  not  like  being  alone,  either, 
though  I  had  the  word  of  God  with  me.  Oh  what  a  prepara- 
tion is  this  for  being  a  missionary  !  How  ease  and  prosperity 
spoil  the  temper,  and  go  to  ruin  the  soul !  In  prayer  in  the 
aftei-noon,  I  breathed  for  a  while  after  humility,  and  holiness ; 
but  at  night,  in  conversation  with  Mr.  B.  and  Mr.  Ward,  I 
again  discovered  a  passionate  spirit.  Lord,  save  me  from 
presumptuous  sins,  that  they  may  not  after  all  get  the  do- 
minion over  me.  What  matters  it  to  me,  that  I  seem  to 
engage  in  plans  for  the  conversion  of  the  heathen,  if  I  do  not 
teach  myself !  When  I  considered  myself  a  solitary  uncon- 
nected beinof,  hastenino-  throuo-h  the  world,  I  think  I  was 
more  patient,  less  self-willed.  Have  the  thoughts  of  mar- 
riage already  injured  me  ?  'i'he  Lord  save  his  perverse 
creature  from  every  snare, 

Aug.  16.  Was  full  of  joy  and  praise  this  morning,  but 
yielding  to  the  snares  of  sin  afterwards  brought  a  cloud  of 
guilt  and  shame  ;  and  in  the  evening,  though  my  conscience 
was  sprinkled  with  the  blood  of  Jesus,  yet  I  could  only  walk 
carefully  and  mournfully.  I  never  had  a  more  fair  opportu- 
nity of  comparing  the  pleasures  of  sin  and  holiness  than  this 
day.     In  the  morning,  I  was  saying  to  myself,  *'  Now  how 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  355 

sweet  and  happy  is  this  frame ;  can  anything  on  earth  equal 
it  ?  Let  me  see  the  extreme  folly  of  giving  way  to  sinful 
thoughts."  Yet  after  all  this  happy  experience,  and  these 
reasonings,  I  did  give  way  to  certain  sinful  imaginations  ;  and 
though  it  was  but  as  it  were  for  a  moment,  my  joys  lied,  and 
I  could  recover  them  no  more  for  the  day.  1  bless  the  Lord, 
that  thus  he  teaches  me  the  evil  of  sin ;  and  I  bless  and 
adore  his  patience,  that  bears  with  so  much  wickedness  and 
perverseness.  Marshman  said  so  much  of  the  necessity  of 
my  remaining  at  Calcutta,  that  though  I  was  not  nearly  con- 
vinced, I  was  made  somewhat  uneasy  by  distraction.  Found 
relief  where  only  I  ever  find  it,  in  prayer  that  God  would 
give  me  that  peace  which  passeth  understanding.  It  is  a 
pleasure  to  "  cease  from  man,  whose  breath  is  in  his  nostrils." 
Aug.  19.  Writing  and  reading  with  moonshee,  but  made 
little  advantage  of  the  time  ;  less  under  the  power  of  corrup- 
tion. In  the  eveninof  had  a  lono-  conversation  with  Marsh- 
es & 

man,  on  the  expediency  of  my  fixing  at  Calcutta,  on  account 
of  its  being  the  seat  of  influence.  He  was  very  earnest  as 
usual.  His  arguments  are  these  ;  That  very  many  would 
probably  be  converted  under  my  ministry  :  That  I  should  be 
able  to  form  and  perpetuate  a  society  for  superintending 
missions  :  That  the  nearness  of  the  Baptist  Missionaries  at 
Serampore  would  be  of  mutual  advantage  for  counsel  and 
encouragement :  That  there  would  be  a  more  read}^  commu- 
nication with  England  :  That  I  might  be  of  use  in  aiding  and 
directing  bodies  of  missionaries,  who  might  be  brought  to 
Serampore  ;  and  that  I  might  more  advantageously  pursue 
oi-iental  learning  ;  but  that  if  I  went  up  the  country,  all  my 
usefulness  would  be  confined  to  my  individual  labors ;  that  it 
would  be  two  years  before  I  could  be  understood  ;  that  many 
more  years  would  elapse  before  success ;  that  with  all  this,  I 
should  probably  droop  and  lose  my  spirits.  I  was  much 
perplexed,  and  so  excited  that  I  could  get  little  sleep. 


356  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

Aug.  22.  Read  several  papers  of  Mr.  B 's  on  mis- 
sionary subjects,  and  wrote  doAvn  a  vocabulary  of  Cashme- 
rian  words.  Heard  of  the  arrival  of  two  new  missionaries, 
for  which  I  feel  thankful,  but  found  at  night  that  I  have  very 
little  of  a  missionary  spirit.  It  js  an  awful  and  arduous  thing 
to  renounce  every  affection  to  earthly  things,  so  as  to  live  for 
another  world. 

Aug.  25.  Called  on  Mr.  Limerick  and  Mr.  Birch ;  with 
the  latter  I  had  a  good  deal  of  conversation  on  the  practica- 
bihty  of  establishing  schools,  and  uniting  in  a  society.  An 
officer  who  was  there,  took  upon  him  to  call  in  question  the 
lawfulness  of  interferinsf  with  the  relioion  of  the  natives,  and 
said  that  at  Delhi  the  Christians  were  some  of  the  worst  peo- 
ple there.  I  was  glad  at  the  prospect  of  meeting  with  these 
Christians.  The  Lord  enabled  me  to  speak  boldly  to  the 
man,  and  to  silence  him.  From  thence  I  went  to  the  Gover- 
nor-General's levee,  and  received  great  attention  from  him, 
as  indeed  from  most  others  here.  Perhaps  it  is  a  snare  of 
Satan  to  stop  my  mouth,  and  make  me  unwilling  to  preach 
faithfully  to  them.  The  Lord  have  mercy,  and  quicken  me 
to  diligence ! 

Aug.  26.  Employed  all  day  in  writing.  At  night  Marsh- 
man  came,  and  our  conversation  was  very  refreshing  and 
profitable.  Truly  the  love  of  God  is  the  happiness  of  the 
soul !  My  soul  felt  much  sweetness  at  this  thought,  and 
breathed  after  God.  At  midnight  Marshman  came  to  the 
pagoda,  and  awakened  me  with  the  information,  that  Sir  G. 
Barlow  had  sent  word  to  Carey,  not  to  disperse  any  more 
tracts,  nor  send  out  more  native  brethren,  or  in  any  way  in- 
terfere with  the  prejudices  of  the  natives.  We  did  not  know 
what  to  make  of  this ;  the  subject  so  excited  me,  that  I  was 
again  deprived  of  necessary  sleep. 

Aug.  28.  Enjoyed  much  comfort  in  my  soul  this  morning, 
and  ardor  for  my  work  ;  but  afterwards,  consciousness  of  in- 


1806.1  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  357 

dolence  and  unprofitableness  made  me  uneasy.  In  the 
evening  Mr.  Marshman,  Ward,  Moore,  and  Rowe,  came  up 
and  talked  with  us  on  the  Governor's  prohibition  of  preach- 
ing the  gospel,  &c.  Mr.  Brown's  advice  was  full  of  wisdom, 
and  w^eighed  with  them  all.  I  was  exceedingly  excited,  and 
spoke  with  vehemence  against  the  measures  of  government, 
which  afterwards  filled  me  justly  with  shame.  * 

Aug.  29.  Passed  the  morning  in  writing  sermon,  after- 
wards with  moonshee  ;  both  mornino:  and  evenino-  felt  much 
humbled.  I  felt  a  sort  of  pleasure  in  being  despised  and 
slighted  by  all  mankind.  Moonshee  was  telling  me  of  the 
danger  of  preaching  in  any  part  of  India  beyond  Benares, 
where  the  country  had  not  been  long  in  the  possession  of 
the  English.  I  was  somewhat  intimidated,  and  dejected  at 
the  thought  of  a  violent  and  cruel  death.  But  oh,  how 
sweet  did  every  comfortable  passage  in  the  word  of  God  ap- 
pear, while  reading  it  under  this  impression !  He  is  my 
friend,  who  is  exalted  as  head  over  all. 

Aug.  31.  (Sunday.)  Preached  in  the  morning  at  the  new 
church,  on  the  condemnation  of  the  law,  from  Rom.  iii.  19. 
There  was  much  solemn  attention,  and  my  spirit  was  lifted 
up  above  the  concern  of  men's  opinions. 

Serampore,  Sept.  1, 1806. 

My  Dearest  LydiAj 

With  this  you  will  receive  the  duphcate  of  the  letter  I 
sent  you  a  month  ago,  by  the  overland  dispatch.  May  it 
find  you  prepared  to  come!  All  the  thoughts  and  views 
which  I  have  had  of  the  subject  since  first  addressing  you, 
add  tenfold  confirmation  to  my  first  opinion  ;  and  I  trust  that 
the  blessed  God  will  graciously  make  it  appear,  that  I  have 
been  acting  under  a  right  direction,  by  giving  the  precious 
gift  to  me  and  to  the  church  in  India.  Many,  many  months 
must  elapse,  before  I  can  see  you,  or  even  hear  how  you 


S58  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806« 

shall  determine.  It  is  a  consolation  to  me  during  this  long 
suspense,  that  had  I  engaged  with  you  before  my  departure, 
I  should  not  have  had  such  a  satisfactory  conviction  of  its 
being  the  will  of  God.  I  am  very  happy  here  in  preparing 
For  my  delightful  work ;  but  I  should  be  happier  still,  if  I 
were  sufficiently  fluent  in  the  language  to  be  actually  em- 
ployed ;  find  happiest  of  all,  if  my  beloved  Lydia  were  at 
my  right  hand,  counselling  and  animating  me.  I  am  not 
very  willing  to  end  my  letter  to  you ;  it  is  difficult  not  to 
prolong  the  enjoyment  of  speaking,  as  it  were,  to  one  who 
occupies  so  much  of  my  sleeping  and  waking  hours  ;  but 
here,  alas  !  I  am  aware  of  danger ;  and  my  dear  Lydia  will, 
I  hope,  pray  that  her  unworthy  friend  may  love  no  creature 
inordinately. 

It  will  be  base  in  me  to  depart  in  heart  from  a  God  of 
such  love  as  I  find  him  to  be.  0  that  I  could  make  some 
returns  for  the  riches  of  his  love  !  S^viftly  fly  the  hours  of 
life  away,  and  then  we  shall  be  admitted  to  behold  his  glory. 
The  ao-es  of  darkness  are  rollino-  fast  awav,  and  shall  soon 
usher  in  the  gospel  period,  when  the  whole  world  shall  be 
filled  with  his  glory.  Oh  my  beloved  sister  and  friend,  dear 
to  me  on  every  account,  but  dearest  of  all,  for  having  one 
heart  and  one  soul  with  me  in  the  cause  of  Jesus  and  the 
love  of  God,  let  us  pray  and  rejoice,  and  rejoice  and  pray, 
that  God  may  be  glorified,  and  the  dying  Saviour  see  of  the 
travail  of  his  soul.  May  tlie  God  of  hope  fill  us  with  all  joy 
and  peace  in  believing,  that  we  may  both  of  us  abound  in 
hope  through  the  power  of  the  Holy  Ghost !  Now,  my 
dearest  Lydia,  I  cannot  say  what  I  feel — I  cannot  pour  out 
my  soul — I  could  not,  if  you  were  here  ;  but  I  pray  that 
you  may  love  me,  if  it  be  the  will  of  God ;  and  I  pray  that 
God  ma}^  make  you  more  and  more  his  child,  and  give  me 
more  and  more  love  for  all  that  is  Godlike  and  holy, 
I  remain,  with  fervent  aflFection, 

Your's,  in  eternal  bonds,         H.  Martyn. 


1806. J  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  359 

Sept.  2.  Employed  in  writing  letters  to  England.  My 
heart  seemed  to  be  kindled  with  love  to  God  while  writing  to 
Lydia,  but  I  know  not  how  far  it  was  pure 

Seft,  3.  Marshman  talked  to  me  a  good  deal  of  the  jea- 
lousies and  envies  of  the  different  missionary  societies,  till  I 
was  quite  harassed,  and  even  disgusted  with  the  accounts. 
Oh  what  mischief  to  the  cause  of  God  will  Satan  produce 
from  this  !  Oh  how  tiresome  it  is  to  look  to  men,  and  think 
of  men,  and  their  plans  !  Oh  let  me  walk  more  and  more 
alone  with  the  holy  God,  and  in  his  light  and  love  walk  hum- 
bly in  the  appointed  path  through  the  world,  and  long  to 
depart  and  be  with  Christ,  Avhich  is  far  better ! 

Sept.  4.  Tried  with  violent  temptation.  I  can  see  no  fit 
emblem  of  my  soul,  but  the  burning  bush.  I  may  well  be 
amazed,  at  the  close  of  each  day,  that  I  am  not  given  up  to 
the  power  of  Satan  and  sin.  God  inwardly  supports  my  soul, 
and  Christ  fulfils  his  precious  word  :  "  my  grace  is  sufficient 
for  thee,"  Had  much  discussion  with  moonshee  about  reli- 
gion. Heard  at  night  from  Mr.  B.  that  some  people  were 
much  stung  with  what  they  heard  from  me  on  the  last  Lord's 
day.  Would  that  they  were  pricked  to  the  heart  and  would 
cry  for  mercy  !  I  feel  them  to  be  much  upon  my  heart ;  and 
oh  that  I  had  love  to  cry  for  them  more  fervently  ! 

Sept.  8.  Left  Calcutta  before  day,  and  went  to  Serampore. 
Was  exceedingly  oppressed  in  my  spirits,  that  the  cause  of 
Satan  and  lies  should  be  suffered  to  prevail.  At  night,  ray 
soul  found  it  solemnizing  and  composing  to  view  death  near 
at  hand.  Alas  !  how  insignificant,  how  short-lived  are  the 
cares  of  men,  the  opposition  of  the  enemies  of  the  church, 
and  the  sufferings  she  underofoes  ! 

Sept.  11.  Came  up  to  Serampore  in  the  morning.  Two  of 
the  missionaries  came  at  night,  and  talked  with  us  a  long 
time,  till  late,  about  their  plans,  (fee,  in  consequence  of  the 
police  having  ordered  the  two   new  missionaries  to  return 


360  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

home.  I  was  quite  wearied  with  hearing  of  religion  only  in 
its  outward  circumstances,  and  longed  to  hear  a  word  from  a 
broken-hearted  soul,  who  had  never  heard  the  name  of  mis- 
sion 1 

Sept.  12.  Tn  a  sorrowful  state  of  mind,  arising  more  from 
bodily  causes  than  inward  conflict ;  and  therefore  my  soul 
found  more  pleasure  in  God  than  in  any  pei-son  or  thing. 
Wished  only  to  fulfil  as  a  hireling  my  day,  and  then  to  bid 
adieu  to  a  world  so  full  of  vanit}^  and  vexation  of  spirit. 
Marshman  and  Captain  Wickes  dined  with  us,  but  I  had  no 
inclination  to  join  in  the  conversation.  Oh  how  much  talking 
is  there  to  little  purpose !  I  am  tired  with  speculations,  and 
making  remarks  upon  missionary  things ;  I  want  to  be  doing, 
and  not  till  then  shall  I  be  satisfied. 

Sept.  13.  By  reading  and  thinking  a  little  on  Psalm  cxlv., 
my  soul  was  kindled  into  more  love  and  joy  than  I  generally 
experience  ;  and  our  conversation  was  in  some  degree  spiritual 
and  refreshing.  Heard  of  the  arrival  of  Corrie  and  Parsons 
at  Madras,  and  of  my  appointment  to  Dinapore. 

Sept.  U,  1806 
My  Dear  Sargent: — 

It  is  now  four  months  since  I  landed  in  this  country,  but 
I  have  seen  little  more  of  it  than  what  lies  between  Seram- 
pore  and  Calcutta ;  and  the  little  time  that  can  be  spent  out 
of  doors  affords  very  small  opportunities  of  acquiring  local 
knowledge.  My  whole  employment  is  preparing  sermons  and 
learning  the  language.  I  have  grievous  complaints  to  make, 
that  the  immense  work  of  translating  the  services  into  the 
language  of  the  East  is  left  to  Dissenters,  who  cannot  in  ten 
years  supply  the  want  of  what  we  gain  by  a  classical  educa- 
tion. *  *  *  *  Suppose  D.  F.,  &c.,  would  devote  ten 
or  fifteen  years  of  their  lives  in  this  country  to  the  sole  work 
of  getting  the  Scriptures  translated  into  some  of  the  languages 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  361 

of  the  East,  they  miglit  accomphsh  it  easiljj  and  they  would 
very  soon  be  able  to  supei'intend  the  learned  natives  who 
should  be  employed  in  the  work.  Were  not  the  zeal  of  our 
forefathers  almost  evaporated  in  these  times,  a  body  of  pious 
and  learned  j^oung  clergymen  would  come  forth  with  joy  to 
so  glorious  a  work.  *********  You 
address  me  as  a  missionary,  and  as  if  their  were  hardships  in 
ray  way — externally  there  are  none,  except  temptations  may 
be  called  so,  as  perhaps  they  ought  to  be.  The  air  is  so  soft 
and  serene,  that  you  might  sleep  at  night  under  a  tree ;  and 
maintenance  so  easy,  that  a  wholesome  meal  may  be  purchased 
for  a  farthing  or  two. 

I  am  this  day  appointed  to  Dinapore,  in  the  neighborhood 
of  Patna.  ^ 

With  great  regard,  I  remain,  my  dear  brother, 

sincerely  your's, 

H.  M. 

Sept.  15.  Still  unwell,  and  found  it  hard  to  fix  my  thoughts 
in  prayer.  My  heart  was  wounded  again  at  finding  the  ne- 
cessity of  tearing  the  affections  away  from  the  creature.  Oh 
what  a  state  is  human  life  become  from  the  corruption  of  the 
heart!  If  affliction  be  our  lot,  the  soul  must  pause  at  the 
pain ;  if  otherwise,  the  heart  cleaves  to  an  idol,  and  then 
causes  the  pain  of  separation.  Passed  much  of  the  after- 
noon in  reading  a  series  of  newspapers  from  England.  How 
affecting  to  think,  how  the  fashion  of  this  world  passeth  away  ! 
What  should  I  do  without  Christ  as  an  everlasting  portion  ? 
How  vain  is  hfe,  how  mournful  is  death,  and  what  is  eternity 
without  Christ !  In  the  evening,  Marshman  and  Ward  came 
to  us.  By  endeavoring  to  recollect  myself  as  before  God,  I 
found  more  comfort,  and  was  enabled  to  show  more  propriety 
in  conversation. 

Sept.  17.  At  night,  while  I  was  at  the  missionaries',  Mr. 
16 


362  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

Chamberlain  arrived  from  up  the  country.  Just  as  we  re- 
joiced at  the  thought  of  seeing  him  and  his  wife,  we  found 
she  had  died  in  the  boat !  I  do  not  know  when.  I  was  so 
shocked  ;  my  soul  revolted  at  e\  erything  in  this  world,  which 
God  has  so  marked  with  misery — the  effect  of  sin.  Marriage 
seemed  terrible !  by  exposing  one  to  the  agonizing  sight  of  a 
wife  dying  in  such  circumstances. 

Sept.  21.  (Sunday.)  Preached  at  the  New  Church  from 
Kom.  iii.  19,  21,  on  Justification  by  Faith,  and  vindicated  my- 
self, by  showing  that  all  that  I  had  advanced  was  agi'eeable 
to  the  Church  of  England.  The  sermon  had  the  effect  of 
convincing,  or  at  least,  of  shutting  the  mouths  of  gain-sayers. 
The  Lord  enabled  me  to  feel  what  I  told  them,  when  I  said, 
*'  To  me  it  is  a  small  matter  to  be  judged  of  you,  or  of  man's 
judgment."  I  felt  great  indifference  about  everything  in  the 
world.  At  night,  preached  on  Acts  xvi. — the  jailor's  ques- 
tion ;  but  felt  less  than  I  ever  did  when  preaching  on  that 
subject.  Thus  God  in  love  shows  his  ignorant  and  vain  crea- 
ture, that  it  is  "  Not  by  might,  nor  by  power,  but  by  my 
spirit,"  After  church  my  soul  was  full  of  joy  and  love,  espe- 
cially when  three  of  the  missionaries  joined  us.  I  longed 
that  we  might  have  no  conversation  but  what  was  spiritual. 

Sept.  24.  Went  down  to  Calcutta  with  Mr.  Brown  and 
Corrie,  and  found  letters.  My  aflections  of  love  and  joy  were 
so  excited  by  them,  that  it  was  almost  too  much  for  my 
poor  frame.  My  dearest  Lydia's  assurances  of  her  love  were 
grateful  enough  to  my  heart — but  they  left  somewhat  of  a 
sorrowful  effect,  occasioned,  I  believe,  chiefly  from,  a  fear  of 
her  suffering  in  any  degree,  and  partly  from  the  long  time 
and  distance  that  separate  us,  and  an  uncertainty  if  ever  we 
shall  be  permitted  to  meet  one  another  in  this  world.  In  the 
evening,  the  Lord  gave  me  near  and  close  and  sweet  commu- 
nion with  him  on  this  subject,  and  enabled  me  to  commit  the 
affair  with  comfort  into  his  hands.     Why  did  I  ever  doubt 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  363 

his  love  ?     Does  He  not  love  us  far  better  than  we  loA'e  one 
another  ? 

Sept.  25.  In  the  afternoon  read  with  moonshee ;  enjoyed 
much  of  the  solemn  presence  of  God  ;  the  whole  day  had 
many  happy  seasons  in  prayer,  and  felt  strengthened  for  the 
work  of  a  missionary,  which  is  speedil}^  to  begin  ;  blessed  be 
God  !  My  friends  are  alarmed  about  the  solitariness  of  my  fu- 
ture life,  and  my  tendency  to  melancholy  ;  but,  oh  my  dear- 
est Lord  !  thou  art  with  me  ;  thy  rod  and  thy  staff  they 
comfort  me.  I  go  on  thine  errand — and  I  know  that  thou 
art  and  wilt  be  with  me.  How  easily  canst  thou  support 
and  refresh  my  heart ! 

Serampore,  Sept.  1806. 
How  earnestly  do  I  long  for  the  arrival  of  my  dearest 
Lydia  !  Though  it  may  prove  at  last  no  more  than  a  waking 
dream,  that  I  ever  expected  to  receive  you  in  India,  the  hope 
is  too  pleasing  not  to  be  cherished,  till  I  am  forbidden  any 
longer  to  hope.  Till  I  am  assured  of  the  contrary,  I  shall 
find  a  pleasure  in  addressing  you  as  my  own.  If  you  are  not 
to  be  mine,  you  will  pardon  me ;  but  my  expectations  are 
greatly  encouraged  by  the  words  you  used  when  we  parted 
at  Gurlyn,  that  I  had  better  ^o  out  free,  implying,  as  I  thought, 
that  you  would  not  be  unwilling  to  follow  me,  if  I  should 
see  it  to  be  the  will  of  God  to  make  the  request.  I  was  re- 
joiced also  to  see  in  your  letter  that  you  unite  your  name 
with  mine,  when  you  pray  that  God  would  keep  us  both  in 
the  path  of  duty — from  this  I  infer  that  you  are  by  no  means 
determined  to  remain  separate  from  me.  You  will  not  sup- 
pose, my  dear  Lydia,  that  I  mention  these  little  things  to  in- 
fluence your  conduct,  or  to  implicate  you  in  an  engagement. 
— 'No,  I  acknowledge  that  you  are  perfectly  free — and  I  have 
no  doubt  that  you  will  act  as  the  love  and  wisdom  of  our 
God  shall  direct.     Your  heart  is  far  less  interested  in  this 


864:  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

business  than  mine,  in  all  probability  ;  and  this  on  one  ac* 
count  I  do  not  regret,  as  you  will  be  able  to  see  more  clearly 
the  directions  of  God's  providence. 

The  commander-in-chief  has  at  last  appointed  me  to  the 
station  of  Dinapore,  near  Patna  ;  it  is  not  exactly  the  situa- 
tion I  wished  for — though  in  a  temporal  point  of  view  it  is 
desirable  enough.  The  air  is  good,  the  living  cheap,  the 
salary  £1000  a  year — and  there  is  a  large  body  of  English 
troops  there.  But  I  should  have  preferred  being  near  Ben- 
ares, the  heart  of  Hindooism.  We  rejoice  to  hear,  that  two 
other  brethren  are  arrived  at  Madras  on  their  way  to  Bengal, 
sent,  I  trust,  by  the  Lord,  to  co-operate  in  overturning  the 
kingdom  of  Satan  in  these  regions.  They  are  Corrie  and 
Parsons,  both  Bengal  chaplains.  Their  stations  will  be  Ben- 
ares and  Moorshedabed — one  on  one  side  of  me,  and  the 
other  on  the  other.  There  are  also  now  ten  Baptist  mission- 
aries at  Serampore.  Surely  good  is  intended  for  this  coun- 
try ! 

I  have  been  just  interrupted  by  the  blaze  of  a  funeral  pile, 
within  a  hundred  yards  of  my  pagoda — I  ran  out — but  the 
wretched  woman  had  consigned  herself  to  the  flames  before 
I  reached  the  spot — and  I  saw  only  the  remains  of  her  and  her 
husband.  0  Lord,  how  long  shall  it  be  ?  Oh  !  I  shall  have 
no  rest  in  my  spirit,  till  my  tongue  is  loosed  to  testify  against 
the  devil,  and  deliver  the  message  of  God  to  these  his  un- 
happy bond-slaves.  I  stammered  out  something  to  the 
wicked  Brahmins  about  the  judments  of  God  upon  them  for 
the  murder  they  had  just  committed ;  but  they  said  it  was 
an  act  of  her  own  free  will.  Some  of  the  missionaries  would 
have  been  there,  but  they  are  forbidden  by  the  governor- 
general  to  preach  to  the  natives  in  the  British  territory. 
Unless  this  prohibition  is  revoked  by  an  order  from  home,  it 
will  amount  to  a  total  suppression  of  the  mission. 

I  know  of  nothing  else,  that  will  give  you  a  further  idea  of 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  365 

the  state  of  things  here.  The  two  ministers  continue  to 
ojjpose  my  doctrines  with  unabated  virulence  ;  but  they  think 
not  that  they  fight  against  God.  My  own  heart  is  at  present 
cold  and  slothful.  Oh  that  my  soul  did  burn  with  love  and 
zeal !  Surely,  were  you  here,  I  should  act  with  more  cheer- 
fulness and  activity  with  so  bright  a  pattern  before  me. 
Continue  to  remember  me  in  your  prayers,  as  a  weak  brother 
— I  shall  always  think  of  you  as  one  to  be  loved  and  honored. 

H.  Martyn. 

Sept.  27.  Mr.  Chamberlain  breakfasted  with  us  ;  I  was 
much  and  agreeably  surprised  with  his  Christian  simplicity 
and  remarkable  zeal.  He  talked  to  us  a  good  deal  in  an 
encouraging  and  instructive  manner  :  by  irregularity  in  prayer 
and  reading,  lost  much  of  my  comfort.  Rode  out  on  the 
course  in  the  evening  v/ith  Parsons,  and  had  some  useful 
conversation  with  him. 

October  1.  Reading  with  moonshee  and  preparing  ser- 
mon ;  found  great  cause  to  pray  for  brotherly  love.  Preached 
at  night  at  the  Mission  Church,  on  Ephes.  ii.  4.  Had  a  very 
refreshing  conversation  with  Corrie  afterwards  ;  we  wished  it 
to  be  for  the  benefit  of  two  cadets,  who  supped  with  us,  and 
I.  hope  it  will  not  be  in  vain.  May  the  Lord  be  pleased  to 
make  me  act  with  a  single  eye  to  his  glory.  How  easy  it  is 
to  preach  about  Christ  Jesus  the  Lord,  and  yet  to  preach 
oneself ! 

Oct.  5.  At  night  Corrie  preached  instead  of  Parsons,  on 
John  ii.  1,  2.  During  the  whole  of  this  evening's  ordinance, 
my  soul  felt  the  greatness  and  glory  of  God.  How  little  did 
I  ever  know  of  his  great  glory  !  with  what  irreverence  do  we 
pray,  and  speak  the  awful  name  !  My  soul  was  astonished 
at  the  patience  of  God  in  bearing  such  insults  as  he  must  do 
from  the  best.  But  all  the  salvation  of  men  is  a  miracle  of 
grace ;  God  will  show  what  he  can  do  by  Jesus  Christ. 


366  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

Oct.  8.  My  time  much  taken  up  with  setthng  my  affairs, 
though  my  mind  through  mercy  not  much  distracted.  At 
night  I  preached  at  the  Mission  Church,  on  Isaiah  hi.  7. 
**  How  beautiful  on  the  mountains,"  &c.  Was  much  grieved 
and  ashamed  at  the  extreme  coldness  with  which  I  could 
speak  on  so  precious  and  delightful  a  text.  We  had  some 
useful  conversation  after  church  with  the  cadets  at  supper  ; 
and  after  they  were  gone,  we  endeavored  to  fix  on  some  plan 
of  constant  communication  with  one  another. 

Oct.  12.  (Sunday.)  Corrie  preached  at  the  New  Church, 
on  Gal.  vi.  14.  "  God  forbid  that  I  should  glory,"  &c. — 
God  be  praised  for  another  noble  witness  to  his  truth  !  Mr. 
Edmond  came  to  take  leave,  and  showed  me  some  letters 
from  some  pious  soldiers,  stationed  at  Muttra  and  Cawnpore. 
The  awful  fall  of  one  of  them  occasioned  a  melancholy  appre- 
hension in  my  own  soul,  lest  I  also  should  fall  into  the  same 
condemnation.  Lord,  save  thy  servant  from  presumptuous 
sins.  Took  my  leave  of  the  saints  in  Calcutta  in  a  sermon 
on  Acts  XX.  32.  But  how  very  far  from  being  in  spirit  hke 
the  great  Apostle ! 

DiNAPORE,  Nov.  29,  1806. 
My  dear  Sir, 

Having  met  with  nothing  worth  mentioning  since  I  last 
wrote  to  you  from  Monghir,  I  sit  down  to  mention  merely, 
that  I  arrived  here  in  safety  on  the  26th.  I  wished  to  be 
able  to  tell  you  that  I  was  comfortably  settled,  and  that  has 
been  the  occasion  of  my  delay.  The  bustle  is  now  over,  and 
I  am  now  quietly  seated  in  my  apartments  at  the  barracks, 
which  I  have  taken  at  50  rupees  a  month  ;  but  General 
Clarke  tells  me  I  must  not  stay  here,  but  get  into  others 
differently  situated  before  the  hot  season.  It  is  hot  even 
now ;  I  can  scarcely  bear  anything  on  me  at  night,  though 
in  the  budgerow  I  passed  many  a  cold  night  for  want  of 


1806.]  OF    THE    REVn   HENRY    MARTYN.  367 

clothes.  General  Clarke  lias  been  exceedingly  civil.  On 
Monday  I  propose  going  to  Patna  to  consult  with  Mr.  Glad- 
win about  getting  a  good  pundit,  for  I  find  Gilchrist's  Hin- 
doostanee  is  too  fine  to  be  understood  by  any  but  the  ser- 
vants of  the  English.  A  Hindoo  may  be  probably  able  to 
teach  me  something  of  the  language  of  the  villages.  Even 
my  own  Hindoostanee  I  speak  with  greater  hesitation  than 
ever,  insomuch  that  I  feel  reluctant  in  uttering  a  single  sen- 
tence !  yet  I  find  by  the  translation  that  I  write  it  more 
correctly.  The  sight  of  the  multitudes  at  Patna,  and  on  the 
banks  toward  this  place,  filled  me  with  astonishment  and 
dread,  from  which  I  have  not  yet  recovered  ;  and  the  crowds 
in  the  bazaar  here  have  had  no  tendency  to  diminish  it. 
What  shall  be  done  for  them  all  ?  I  feel  constrained  to 
pray,  and  to  beg  your  praj'-ers,  for  a  double,  yea,  for  a  ten- 
fold portion  of  the  Spirit  to  make  me  equal  to  my  work. 
There  are  four  hundred  European  troops  here,  and  forty-five 
oflicers.  The  sight  of  these  men  recalls  the  sorrowful  remem- 
brance of  what  I  endured  on  board  ship  from  my  disdainful 
and  abandoned  countrymen  among  the  military  ;  they  are 
"  impudent  children  and  stifi'-hearted,"  and  will  receive,  I 
fear,  my  ministrations,  as  all  the  others  have  done,  with 
scorn.  Yet  we  are  unto  God  a  sweet  savor  even  in  them 
that  perish. 

Let  me  know  when  a  ship  is  to  sail  for  Europe,  that  I  may 
get  my  letters  ready,  though  I  confess  I  am  very  loth  to 
give  an  hour  to  letter- writing,  when  life  is  slipping  away,  and 
I  have  done  nothing  yet  towards  this  immense  work.  When, 
you  are  certified  of  my  arrival  here,  I  shall  hope  for  letters  to 
be  flowing  in  from  all  quarters.  But  I  forget  the  resolution 
recorded  at  the  top  of  the  page.  I  remember  you  all  afltec- 
tionately,  but  not  so  much  so  as  I  ought.  A  brand  plucked 
from  the  burning  ought  to  love  and  honor  the  people  of  God 
more.     Mrs.  Brown  and  the  children  have  a  constant  place 


368  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806 

iff  my  prayers.  My  kindest  love  to  them  all.  May  the  Lord 
be  with  my  two  dear  brethren  under  your  roof,  and 
strengthen  their  hearts  and  their  hands  !  so  will  they  work 
wonders.  Remember  me  very  kindly  to  all  the  missionaries, 
and  all  the  church  at  Calcutta. 

I  am,  my  dear  friend  and  brother. 

Yours  most  sincerely, 

H.  Martyn. 
To  the  Rev.  D.  Brown,  Calcutta. 

Nov.  30.  (Sunday.)  After  spending  some  comfortable 
nours  in  reading  and  prayer,  in  my  rooms,  I  went  to  the 
hospital  and  had  some  conversation.  One  of  the  men  was 
exceedingly  disrespectful,  but  through  grace  I  maintained  my 
temper  perfectly  ;  there  were  several  books  among  them,  but 
none  religious.  After  dinner  I  carried  them  eight  or  ten; 
read  the  service  for  the  sick,  and  the  first  part  of  Doddridge's 
Rise  and  Progress,  which  was  much  attended  to.  Walked 
in  the  evening  with  moonshee,  and  was  surprised  to  find  how 
similar  the  disputes  among  the  Mahometans  about  faith  and 
works  are  to  our  own.  He  perfectly  agreed  in  the  truth,  that 
all  men  are  sinners  alike  before  God,  and  that  all  must  be 
saved  in  a  way  of  mere  merc)^.  Nothing  but  the  exercise  of 
continually  stirring  up  myself  to  dihgence,  could  have  kept 
me  from  dejection  to-day  ;  but  I  prayed  that  I  might  do  my 
work  with  pleasure,  and  never  even  wish  it  to  be  other  than 
God  had  appointed  it ;  and  though  I  am  far  enough  from 
that  spirit,  a  blessing  attends  the  very  prayers  for  it ! 

Dec.  1.  Early  this  morning,  I  set  ofiF  in  my  palanquin  for 
Patnn,  and  was  much  strengthened  inwardly  by  reading  the 
account  of  God's  delivering  his  people  from  Egypt.  I  wish 
to  believe  that  he  will  marA-ellously  interfere  for  the  deliver- 
ance of  his  elect,  in  these  lands.  Arrived  at  Mr.  G.'s  at  the 
fort  in  Patna  about  noon,  and  passed  most  of  the  day  with 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  369 

him  very  agreeably.  He  was  free  and  communicative  on  the 
subject  of  religion,  and  I  felt  greatly  rejoiced  in  believing, 
that  there  was  still  grace  in  his  heart.  Something  brought 
the  remembrance  of  my  dear  Lydia  so  powerfully  to  my 
mind,  that  I  could  not  cease  thinking  of  her  for  a  moment. 
I  know  not  when  my  reflections  seemed  to  turn  so  fondly 
towards  her ;  at  the  same  time  I  scarcely  dare  to  wish  her 
to  come  to  this  country.  The  whole  country  is  manifestly 
disafl'ected.  I  was  struck  with  the  anger  and  contempt  with 
which  multitudes  of  the  natives  eyed  me  in  my  palanquin, 

DiNAPORE,  Dec.  3,  1806. 
My  Dear  Sir, 

From  a  solitary  walk  on  the  banks  of  the  river,  I  had  just 
returned  to  my  dreary  rooms,  and  with  the  reflection  that 
just  at  this  time  of  the  day  I  could  be  thankful  for  a  compa- 
nion, was  taking  up  the  flute  to  remind  myself  of  your  social 
meetings  in  worship,  when  your  two  packages  of  letters, 
which  had  arrived  in  my  absence,  were  brought  to  me.  For 
the  contents  of  them,  all  I  can  say  is,  bless  the  Lord,  0  my 
soul !  and  all  that  is  within  me  bless  his  holy  name  !  The 
arrival  of  another  dear  brother,  and  the  joy  you  so  largely 
partake  of  in  fellowship  with  God  and  with  one  another,  act 
as  a  cordial  to  my  soul.  They  show  me  what  I  want  to 
learn,  that  the  Lord  God  Omnipotent  reigneth — and  that 
they  that  keep  the  faith  of  Jesus  are  those  only  whom  God 
visits  with  his  strong  consolations.  I  want  to  keep  in  view, 
that  our  God  is  the  God  of  the  whole  earth — and  that  the 
heathen  are  given  to  his  exalted  Son,  the  uttermost  parts  of 
the  earth  for  a  possession. 

I  have  now  made  my  calls,  and  delivered  my  letters,  and 

the  result  of  my  observations  upon  whom  and  what  I  have 

seen  is,  that  I  stand  alone.     Not  one  voice  is  heard  saying, 

I  wish  you  good  luck  in  the  name  of  the  Lord ;  not  one  kind 

16* 


370  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

thought  towards  me  for  the  truth's  sake.  Monday  I  went 
•without  any  introduction  to  Mr.  G.,  and  by  the  influence  of 
your  name  found  a  very  kind  reception  ;  I  spent  the  day 
with  him  very  agreeably,  talking  about  Persian,  Hindoosta- 
nee,  &c.,  but  chiefly  about  religion.  He  evidently  did  not 
speak  about  it  merely  in  compliment  to  me,  for  many  times 
he  chose  the  subject  himself. 

Since  I  began  this  letter,  I  have  been  chiefly  thinking  of 
Hannah.  You  have  indeed  good  reason  for  supposing  that 
God  hath  loved  her.  Dear  child!  if  she  should  be  at -this 
time  taken  to  his  glory,  I  could  almost  envy  her  lot,  in  being 
removed  from  a  w^orld  of  sin  and  sorrow  sp  soon.  Give  my 
love  to  her — I  hope  we  shall  see  together  that  great  and 
glorious  day  which  Jesus  has  made. 

I  hasten  to  write  a  few  lines  to  each  of  my  brethren,  who 
have  so  kindly  remembered  me — and  therefore,  I  conclude. 
You  do  not  mention  Mrs.  Brown  in  any  of  your  letters — I  do 
not  know  why ;  I  am  sure  she  sends  her  love  to  me.  Believe 
me  to  be,  my  very  dear  sir,  yours  most  aff'ectionately, 

H.  Martyn. 

Dec.  6.  Employed  in  translation  and  parables.  Moonshee 
walked  with  me  in  the  evening,  and  tried  my  temper  ex- 
ceedingly by  his  Mahometan  bigotry.  I  was  obliged  to  lift 
up  my  heart  to  God  continually,  that  he  would  enable  me 
in  patience  to  possess  my  soul.  The  only  relief  my  spirit 
finds,  while  I  witness  the  stubborn  superstition  of  people,  is 
to  cast  my  care  upon  God.     It  is  His  own  blessed  cause. 

Dec.  Y.  (Sunday.)  At  10  o'clock  read  the  church  service 
in  one  of  the  barracks,  to  a  tolerable  congregation,  and  preach- 
ed on  Luke  x.  2.  There  was  a  very  solemn  attention,  and  if 
I  am  not  mistaken,  some  of  their  consciences  were  touched. 
In  the  morning  the  Lord  favored  me  with  a  very  happy  sea- 
son of  prayer.     Oh  that  I  could  always  thus  abide  with  God, 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  371 

apart  from  the  world  !  "  Great  peace  have  they  that  love 
thy  law."  By  the  little  I  know,  I  am  persuaded,  that  there 
is  a  peace  which  passeth  all  miderstanding,  a  peace  such  as 
Christ  enjoyed  himself,  and  such  as  he  will  give  his  people  ; 
but  the  rest  of  the  day  I  could  not  maintain  that  sense  of  the 
Divine  presence. 

Dec.  10.  a  dream  last  night  was  so  like  reahty,  and  the  im- 
pression after  it  was  so  deep  upon  my  spirits,  that  I  must  re- 
cord the  date  of  it.  It  was  about  Lydia  ;  I  dreamt  that  she 
was  arrived,  but  that  after  some  conversation  I  said  to  her,  "  I 
know  this  is  a  dream  ;  it  is  too  soon  after  my  letter  for  you  to 
have  come."  Alas !  it  is  only  a  dream ;  and  with  this 
I  awoke,  and  sighed  to  think  that  it  was  indeed  only  a 
dream.  Perhaps  all  my  hope  about  her  is  but  a  dream ! 
Yet,  be  it  so  !  whatever  God  shall  appoint  must  be  good 
for  us  both,  and  with  that  I  will  endeavor  to  be  tranquil  and 
happy,  pursuing  my  way  through  the  wilderness  with  equal 
steadiness,  whether  with  or  without  a  companion. 

Dec.  14.  (Sunday.)  Service  performed  by  an  after  order, 
at  10  o'clock.  The  general  was  present,  about  twenty  offi- 
cers, and  some  of  their  ladies  ;  I  preached  on  the  parable  of 
the  tares  of  the  field.  In  the  evening  it  pleased  the  Lord  to 
show  me  something  of  the  awful  nearness  of  the  world  of 
spirits,  and  the  unmeasurable  importance  of  my  having  my 
thoughts  and  cares  devoted  to  my  missionary  work.  Thus  I 
obtained  peace. 

Dec.  15.  At  night  dined  with  Colonel  W.,  and  met  there 
the  society  of  Dinapore  ;  never  were  hours  so  misspent.  I 
had  no  conversation  with  them,  but  was  witness  to  their  gen- 
eral levity.  In  the  morning  my  soul  was  seemingly  in  an  en- 
slaved state,  but  the  third  chapter  of  Revelation  came  home 
with  awful  solemnity  to  my  soul ;  shall  I  lose  my  crown  ? 
No,  I  trust  through  grace  at  last  to  overcome,  and  rise  con- 
queror over  all. 

Dec.  17.  My  soul  afflicted  and  solemn  at  the  sense  of  ex- 


372  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1806. 

ceeding  sinfulness  ;  and  in  morning  prayer,  had  some  melting 
of  spirit ;  but  these  feelings  were  short-hved.  Employed  all 
day  in  v/riting  on  the  parables.  Having  to  attend  a  funeral 
for  the  first  time,  I  looked  round  the  monuments  of  the  bury- 
ing ground,  and  felt  an  unusual  awe  at  the  sight  of  these 
mementoes  of  mortality. 

Dec.  18.  Employed  in  going  over  the  former  parables  with 
the  moonshee,  in  order  to  collect  Elindoostanee  words.  At 
night  read  Sadi  with  moonshee,  and  was  not  a  little  surprised 
at  the  pure  truth  being  so  remarkably  written  there,  in  chap- 
ter ii. :  truly,  the  devil  can  make  himself  appear  in  the  form 
of  an  angel  of  light,  and  teach  scriptural  truth  as  well  as 
quote  it,  to  serve  his  purposes.  Yet  I  do  not  find  anything 
resembling  pardon  through  Christ,  and  the  gift  of  the  Holy 
Ghost.  Precious,  precious  salvation  revealed  in  the  word  ! 
"  Thy  righteousness  is  an  everlasting  righteousness,  and  thy 
law  is  the  truth." 

Dec.  21.  In  the  evening,  after  a  solemn  season  of  prayer, 

I  received  letters   from    Europe,  one  from  Cousin  T , 

Emma,  Lydia,  and  others.  The  torrent  of  vivid  afifection 
which  passed  through  my  heart,  at  receiving  such  assurances 
of  regard,  continued  almost  without  intermission  for  four 
hours.  Yet  in  reflection  afterwards,  the  few  words  my  dear- 
est Lydia  wrote,  turned  my  joy  into  tender  sympathy  with 
her.  Who  knows  what  her  heart  has  suffered !  After  all, 
our  God  is  our  best  portion  ;  and  it  is  true  that  if  we  are 
never  permitted  to  meet,  we  shall  enjoy  blissful  intercourse 
forever  in  glory. 

Dec.  23.  Set  apart  the  chief  part  of  this  day  for  prayer, 
with  fasting  ;  but  I  do  not  know  that  my  soul  got  much 
good.  Oh  what  need  have  I  to  be  stirred  up  by  the  Spirit 
of  God,  to  exert  myself  in  prayer !  Had  no  freedom  or 
power  in  prayer,  though  some  appearance  of  tenderness. 
Lydia  is  a  snare  to  me ;  I  think   of  her  so  incessantly,  and 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  873 

with  such  foolish  and  extravagant  fondness,  that  my  heart  is 
drawn  away  from  God  :  thought  at  night,  can  that  be  true 
love,  which  is  other  than  God  would  have  it  ?  No,  that 
which  is  lawful  is  most  genuine,  when  regulated  by  the  holy 
law  of  God. 

Dec.  25.  Preached  on  Tim.  i.  15,  to  a  large  congregation. 

The  general,  and  Drs.  W and  S were  present,  and 

the  latter  assisted  at  the  administration  of  the  Sacrament. 
Those  who  remained  at  the  Sacrament  were  chiefly  ladies, 
and  none  of  them  young  men.  My  heart  still  entangled  with 
this  idolatrous  affection  and  consequently  unhappy.  Some- 
times I  gained  deliverance  from  it  for  a  short  time,  and  was 
happy  in  the  love  of  God.  How  awful  the  thought,  that 
while  perishing  millions  demand  my  every  thought  and  care, 
my  mind  should  be  distracted  about  such  an  extreme  trifle, 
as  that  of  my  own  comfort !  Oh,  let  me  at  last  have  done 
with  it,  and  the  merciful  God  save  me  from  departing  from 
Him,  and  committing  that  horrible  crime  of  forsaking  the 
fountain  of  living  waters,  and  hewing  out  to  myself  broken 
cisterns  ! 


374  JOURNAL   AND   LETTERS  [180' 


CHAPTER    XVII. 


January  1, 1807.  *  *  *  — This  year  will  determine 
whether  Lydia  shall  be  given  to  me  or  no :  let  the  Lord 
order  it,  so  that  whatever  the  event  be,  it  may  be  finally  good 
for  all  souls  !  Received  this  day  a  truly  Christian  letter  from 
Mr.  H.,  and  was  greatly  delighted  by  it,  especially  by  an  ex- 
tract which  he  sent  me,  from  the  company's  charter,  authoriz- 
ing and  even  requiring  me  to  teach  the  natives. 

Jan.  2.  Visited  the  place  of  the  school,  to  see  how  the 
building  was  going  on,  and  in  my  way  met  many  of  the  Eu- 
ropeans taking  their  evening  exercise.     They  seem  to  hate  to 

see  me  associating  at  all  with  the  natives,  and gave  me 

a  hint  a  few  days  ago,  about  taking  my  exercise  on  foot. 
But  if  our  Lord  had  always  travelled  about  in  his  palanquin, 
the  poor  woman,  who  was  healed  by  touching  the  hem  of 
his  garment,  might  have  perished.  Happily  I  am  freed  from 
the  shackles  of  custom  ;  and  the  fear  of  man,  though  not 
extirpated,  does  not  prevail.  In  the  morning  in  prayer 
breathed  fervently  after  a  submissive  spirit.  Alas  !  when  any 
measure  of  it  is  given  to  me,  how  seldom  do  I  maintain  it ! 

Jan.  11.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  the  parable  of  the  fig- 
tree.  Great  attention :  I  think  the  word  is  not  going  forth 
in  vain.  Major  Young  called  afterwards,  and  with  the  most 
affectionate  kindness  begged  me  to  visit  them  more.  In  the 
afternoon,  read  at  the  hospital.  The  steward,  who  had  been 
an  old  soldier  twenty-four  years  in  India,  begged  me  to  get 
some  instruction  for  his  sons.  On  inquiry,  I  found  he  had 
been  long  stationed  at  Tanjore,  and  knew  Swartz,  Gericke, 


1807.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  375 

&c.;  that  Mr.  Kolhoff,  Mr,  Swartz's  nephew,  kept  the  school ; 
and  that  Swartz  baptized  the  natives,  not  by  immersion,  but 
by  sprinkhng,  and  with  godfathers  ;  and  read  the  services 
both  in  English  and  Tamul.  Felt  much  delighted  at  hearing 
anything  about  him.  The  man  told  me  that  the  men  at  the 
hospital  were  very  attentive,  and  thankful  that  I  came 
amongst  them.  Passed  the  evening  with  great  joy  and 
peace,  and  in  communion  with  God's  people  all  over  the 
world. 

Jan.  31.  Heard  of  the  sudden  death  of  a  man  at  the  hos- 
pital, and  in  the  evening  buried  him.  Oh,  what  an  awful 
thought,  that  one  committed  to  my  care  should  have  died 
without  a  private  warning  from  me  !  how  surely  would  all  my 
guilt  plunge  me  into  the  same  destruction  with  him,  and  par- 
ticularly blood-guiltiness,  were  not  I  permitted  to  trust  in  the 
death  of  Jesus !  May  the  Lord  in  great  mercy  help  me  to 
be  more  fervent,  and  diligent,  and  faithful,  to  every  soul 
amongst  them  !  In  the  evening,  found  my  heart  much  drawn 
out  in  praj^er  for  the  English  people  here. 

February  1.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  Luke  xi.  11-13.  The 
congregation  but  small,  on  account  of  a  cold  wind  ;  my  own 
spirit  tried  by  a  disposition  to  levity,  while  ministering  in  the 
service  of  God,  in  reading,  and  piayer.  Afterwards  1  found 
my  soul  more  solemnized.  Went  to  the  barracks,  where  the 
theatres  are  preparing,  to  see  if  the  men  w^ere  at  work  again, 
and  found  them.  After  reasoning  a  little  with  them  on  their 
wickedness,  I  put  them  to  flight.  In  the  evening,  went  to 
Colonel  W.,  to  desire  his  orders  against  such  proceedings.  I 
hoped  also  to  be  able  to  have  some  conversation  with  him  on 
religion,  as  it  was  the  Sabbath,  but  my  attempts  were  repeat- 
edly foiled.  He  said  that  he  kept  his  rehgion  to  himself. 
Found  access  to  the  throne  of  grace  at  night,  and  prayed 
against  discouragement.  The  Lord  will  open  a  way  before 
me,  whenever  he  sees  it  necessary.     I  was  much  rejoiced  at 


376  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1807. 

Colonel  W.'s  approval  of  my  idea  of  having  the  service  in 
Hindoostanee. 


Febkuary  9,  1807. 
My  Dear  Sir, 

I  am  glad  of  the  opportunity  of  asking  you  how  you  do. 
Really,  Calcutta  seems  as  far  from  me  as  England ;  and  yet 
I  suppose  you  cannot  spare  time  to  write  to  me  oftener.  If 
there  were  any  one  else  in  Calcutta  to  whom  I  could  give 
commissions,  I  should  not  trouble  you ;  but  the  cause  of  my 
present  request  is  an  urgent  case ;  I  tell  the  men  to  read 
their  Bibles,  and  they  tell  me  they  have  no  Bibles  to  read. 
Be  so  good  as  to  purchase  for  me  a  few,  and  any  other  re- 
ligious books :  for  I  rejoice  to  see  that  they  are  wanted  here. 
The  ruling  powers  are  kindly  affected  towards  me  still,  ex- 
cept the  general,  who  grows  daily  more  and  more  cold — 
chiefly,  I  have  reason  to  believe,  on  account  of  what  I  have 
said  about  the  natives.  However,  through  grace,  I  am  en- 
abled to  smile  at  contempt  and  opposition ;  and  I  feel  deter- 
mined, the  more  I  am  opposed,  the  more  vigorously  to  go 
forward.  My  school-room  is  finished,  and  school-masters  ap- 
plying from  all  quarters  for  the  other  schools  I  am  expected 
to  institute.  If  my  pundit  does  not  deceive  me,  which  is  very 
probable,  it  is  the  general  opinion  that  the  gospel  will  soon 
spread  over  the  country.  This  opinion,  whether  founded,  as 
they  say,  on  their  own  prophetical  books,  or  not,  may  be  a 
great  means  towards  its  actual  fulfilment. 

The  married  families  whom,  in  compliance  with  their  wish, 
I  have  visited,  are  now  inviting  me  round ;  perhaps  also  I 
shall  think  it  expedient  to  pay  the  same  compliment  to  the 
families  at  Bankipore,  as  they  have  expressed  a  wish  for  it. 
Love  to  you  all. 

Yours  affectionately,  ever, 

H.  Martyn. 

To  THE  Rev.  D.  Brown,  Calcutta. 


1807.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  377 

Feb.  15.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  Mark  viii.  35,  36.  The 
attention  of  the  soldiers  much  roused,  but  it  is  a  subject  that 
has  never  given  me  much  pleasure  or  comfort.  Strove  to  re- 
main afterwards  steadily  in  communion  with  Christ,  and  was 
solemn  in  my  feelings,  but  felt  a  sluggishness  in  duty.  At 
night,  went  to  Colonel  W.  about  a  letter,  and  was  detained  a 
long  time.  I  hoped  to  have  talked  about  religion  to  him,  but 
alas !  I  was  forced  by  his  conversation  to  speak  about  worldly 
things,  to  a  degree  that  brought  great  guilt  on  my  conscience. 
How  can  I  preach  to  them  about  the  sanctification  of  the 
Sabbath,  when  I  have  been  thus  myself  speaking  my  own 
words,  and  thinking  my  OAvn  thoughts  ?  Oh  hide  not  thy 
face  from  thy  miserable  creature,  0  Lord  !  but  restore  unto 
me  the  joy  of  thy  salvation  ! 

Feb.  22.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  John  iv.  10.  Was  told 
at  night  by  Major  and  Mrs.  Y.  that  the  congregation  were 
much  pleased.  But  I  told  them  I  was  not  pleased  at  hear- 
ing it :  alas !  I  trust  that  I  shall  be  enabled  so  to  preach,  as 
that  their  hearts  may  be  pricked,  or  it  is  better  I  had  never 
preached. 

Feb.  25.  Major  Y.  told  me,  that  all  the  people  at  Banki- 
pore  wanted  to  have  me  with  them  ;  and  so  does  the  Devil 
too  ;  but  I  trust  in  my  God  that  they  are  widely  mistaken,  if 
they  think  that  they  ever  will.  I  fear  that  this  liking  to  my 
company  is  another  proof  of  my  unfaithfulness  in  private ; 
may  I  be  taught  by  all  these  things  to  be  duly  faithful,  and 
instant  out  of  season ! 

Feb.  27.  Wrote  to  Mr.  Brown,  and  felt  my  heart  some- 
what enlarged  in  love  towards  my  brethren  in  the  ministry, 
and  the  beloved  saints,  amongst  whom  I  am  not  worthy  to  be 
numbered.  In  the  evening,  dined  at  the  general's  with  a 
party  of  officers.  I  felt  afterwards  that  I  do  not  make  it 
sufficiently  a  matter  of  duty  to  employ  my  talent  in  company 
for  I  think  I  possess  sufficient  versatility  and  influence  to  direc* 


378  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [180V. 

the  conversation  to  something  more  useful  than  it  is  commonly 
upon. 

Feb.  28.  I  read  the  epistles  to  the  infant  churches  with 
much  interest  and  desire.  Oh,  if  it  would  please  God  to 
make  bare  his  arm  in  this  country,  as  aforetime  in  Greece  and 
Rome,  and  plant  some  churches  through  the  land  !  The  out- 
ward work  of  making  them  change  their  profession,  I  do  not 
think  very  difficult ;  but  to  make  the  heart  of  a  native  of 
India  sincere,  and  disposed  to  act  with  Christian  generosity 
and  magnanimity,  is  the  work  of  God  indeed.  Oh,  may  I 
wait  upon  the  Lord  for  his  direction  at  all  times,  have  an  in- 
crease of  faith  and  hope,  a  heart  more  disposed  to  labor  and 
love,  and  a  mind  more  given  to  prayer !  So  if  I  do  not  see 
the  gospel  garden  planted  in  this  wilderness,  I  shall  still  have 
a  paradise  in  my  soul.  At  night,  enjoyed  a  very  sweet  so- 
lemnity of  soul.  I  felt  but  an  anxiety,  lest  sin  should  come 
in  and  interrupt  my  peace. 

March  1.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  Gen.  vi.  22,  but  through 
all  the  service  1  v/as  in  a  conflict  from  a  return  of  my  dispo- 
sition to  levity.  My  soul  was  overwhelmed  with  the  sense  of 
the  horrid  profaneness  and  guilt  of  this,  and  I  was  disposed 
to  ask,  why  is  not  this  thorn  in  the  flesh  taken  from  me  ?  but 
alas !  had  I  a  true  spirit  of  penitence  at  the  time,  I  could 
never  be  tempted  to  this  sin.  In  the  morning,  the  appointed 
hour  for  prayer  for  one  another  was  a  solemnizing  season,  and 
I  found  its  effect  all  the  day.  In  the  afternoon,  at  the  hos- 
pital as  usual,  and  in  the  evening  my  heart  was  blest  with  the 
refreshing  presence  of  my  God. 

March  2.  Struggling  all  day  with  evil  temper  and  discon- 
tent, arising  partly  from  bodily  indisposition,  but  chiefly  from 
the  detection  of  a  fraud  in  my  moonshee. 

DiNAPORE,  March  10. 
Dear  Brother, 

My  tongue  is  parched,  and  my  hand  trembles,  from  the 


1807.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  379 

violent  onsets  I  have  had  this  day  with  moonshee  and  pun- 
dit ;  and  now  I  hope  to  find  some  rehef  in  communion  with 
one,  who  does  not  deny  the  Lord  who  bought  us.  Ever 
since  declaring  the  w^ay  by  Christ,  the  serpent  has  thrown 
off  the  mask,  not  being  able  to  conceal  his  hatred  of  the 
adorable  name.  Moonshee's  contemptuous  rejection  of  the 
truth  has  a  tendency  to  dispirit  me  in  this  way,  I  reflect, 
that  I  shall  never  have  the  power  of  explaining  so  fully  and 
so  variously  divine  truths  to  any  one,  as  I  have  to  this  man. 
News  have  also  been  brought  to  me  that  the  school  at  Patna 
was  at  first  filled  with  thirty  or  forty  children,  when  the 
alarm  spread,  that  Sahib  was  going  to  make  them  all  Chris- 
tians, and  there  are  now  only  six  or  seven  left.  The  school- 
master went  round  to  the  parents,  and  very  sensibly  said  to 
them,  "  Has  he  made  me  a  Christian  ?  when  I  am  become 
one,  then  do  you  begin  to  fear  ;"  and  so  the  master  now  says, 
(fearing,  I  suppose,  I  should  give  up  the  concern,)  that  in  a 
month  or  two  after  the  approaching  festivals  of  the  Hindoos 
and  mahomedans,  the  school  will  begin  to  fill  again.  The 
same  fear  kept  back  the  children  from  the  school  at  Dinapore, 
till  the  pundit  assured  them  there  was  no  fear,  and  so  brought 
eleven  or  twelve  more.  But  observe,  brother,  how  early 
Satan  has  begun  to  show  his  opposition  !  O  wicked  Spirit, 
Jesus  has  bruised  thy  head,  and  shall  bruise  thee  under  our 
feet  shortly  !  Oh  let  us  triumph  in  the  victories  of  our 
exalted  Lord  ! 

I  have  just  received  intelligence,  that  similar  troubles  have 
broken  out  in  Bankipore.  The  Zemindar  who  had  engaged 
to  let  me  have  a  place  for  a  school  has  withdrawn  his  assent, 
from  a  fear  that  I  am  going  to  make  them  Christians.  How 
shall  I  advise  you  to  proceed,  my  dear  brother — the  Lord 
direct  us  ! 

The  Rev.  D.  Corrie. 


380  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1807. 

March  23,  1807. 
My  dear  Sir, 

It  is  with  no  small  delight  that  I  find  the  day  arrived  for 
my  writing  to  my  very  dear  brother.  Many  thanks  for  your 
two  letters,  and  for  all  the  consolation  contained  in  them,  and 
many  thanks  to  our  Lord  and  Saviour,  who  has  given  me 
such  a  help,  where  I  once  expected  to  struggle  on  alone  all 
my  days. 

A  few  days  ago  I  went  to  Bankipore  to  fulfil  my  promise 
of  visiting  the  families  there  ;  and  amongst  the  rest  called  on 
,  a  poor  creature,  whose  black  wife  has  made  him  apos- 
tatize to  Mahomedanism,  and  build  a  mosque.     Major 

went  with  me,  and  the  old  man's  son-in-law  was  there.  He 
would  not  address  a  single  word  to  me,  nor  a  salutation  at 
parting,  because  I  found  an  occasion  to  remind  him  that  the 
Son  of  God  had  suffered  in  the  stead  of  sinners.  The  same 
day  I  went  on  to  Patna  to  see  how  matters  stood  with  respect 
to  the  school.  Its  situation  is  highly  favorable,  near  an  old 
gate  now  in  the  midst  of  the  city,  and  Avhere  three  ways 
meet ;  neither  master  nor  children  were  there.  The  people 
immediately  gathered  round  me  in  great  numbers,  and  the 
crowd  thickened  so  fast,  that  it  was  with  difficulty  I  could 
regain  my  palanquin.  My  schools  have  been  heard  of  among 
the  English  sooner  than  I  wished  or  expected.  The  General 
observed  to  me  one  morning,  that  that  school  of  mine  made 
a  very  'good  appearance  from  the  road ;  "  but,"  said  he, 
*'  you  will  make  no  proselytes."  If  that  be  all  the  opposition 
he  makes,  I  shall  not  much  mind.  The  Sunday  before  last 
I  gained  a  point,  which  I  trust  may  prove  highl)'-  useful.  I 
had  translated   the  church  service,  and  signified  to  Colonel 

that  I  was  ready  to  minister  in  the  country  language 

to  the  native  women  belonging  to  his  soldiers  of  the  European 
regiment,  which  he  approved,  but  told  me  that  it  was  my 
business  to  find  them  an  order,  and  not  his.     So  I  issued  my 


1807.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  381 

command  to  the  sergeant-major  to  give  public  notice  in  the 
barrack,  that  there  would  be  divine  service  in  the  native  lan- 
guage on  the  morrow.  The  morrow  came,  and  the  Lord  sent 
200  women,  to  whom  I  read  the  whole  of  the  morning  ser* 
vice.  Instead  of  the  lessons,  I  began  Matthew,  and  ventured 
to  expound  a  little,  and  but  a  Httle.  Yesterday  we  had  a 
service  again,  but  I  think  there  were  not  more  than  100.  To 
these  I  opened  my  mouth  rather  boldly ;  and  though  there 
was  the  appearance  of  lamentable  apathy  in  the  countenances 
of  most  of  them,  there  were  two  or  three,  who  understood 
and  trembled  at  the  sermon  of  John  the  Baptist.  This  pro- 
ceeding of  mine  is,  I  believe,  generally  approved  among  the 
English ;  but  the  women  come,  I  fear,  rather  because  it  is 
the  wish  of  their  masters.  The  day  after  attending  service, 
they  went  in  flocks  to  the  Mohurrun,  and  even  of  those  who 
are  baptized,  many,  I  am  told,  are  so  addicted  to  their  old 
heathenism,  that  they  obtain  money  from  their  husbands  to 
give  to  the  Brahmins.  Our  time  of  divine  service  in  English 
is  seven  in  the  morning,  and  in  Hindoostanee  two  in  the 
afternoon.  Very  few  officers  attend  in  the  morning.  Our 
Sunday  and  Wednesday  evening  society  now  consists  of  a 
private,  a  corporal,  a  sergeant,  and  one  of  the  young  mer- 
chants, who  attends  to  help  in  singing.  He  acts  as  clerk  in 
the  church,  and  yesterday  gave  us  a  Psalm.  Being  one  of 
Mr.  Burney's  scholars,  he  has  a  regard  for  religion.  Moon- 
shee  has  just  read  his  ten  commandments,  and  has,  I  find, 
altered  several  words,  and  made  the  whole  more  fine  than  as 
I  read  it  at  the  church.  Why  did  you  translate  from  the 
Septuagint  ?  It  is  not  in  general  nearly  so  close  to  the 
original  as  the  English. 
To  the  Rev.  D.  Corrie. 

April  3.    Received   a  letter   from  dear  Corrie,  and  felt 
some  apprehensions  about  his  health.     Had  many  sweet  re- 


382  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [180T. 

flections  on  the  day,  wlien  we  shall  tune  our  harps  together 
in  the  kingdom  of  God. 

April  4.  Much  depressed  in  spirits,  at  observing  the  ef- 
fect of  the  heat  upon  me.  I  thought  it  impossible  I  could 
ever  subsist  long  in  such  a  climate,  and  my  intended  journey 
seems  out  of  my  power.  Had  many  solemn  and  sweet  re- 
flections on  the  probabiHty  of  my  dear  brother  Corrie  and 
myself  being  soon  called  to  leave  our  earthly  warfare. 
Adored  be  our  Lord,  the  prosperity  of  his  church  does  not 
depend  on  our  presence.  Though  we  be  cut  off  in  the  midst 
of  our  plans,  it  shall  be  at  the  fittest  moment  in  the  plans  of 
God. 

April  9.  Had  occasion  to  mourn  at  the  unsanctified  spirit 
I  manifested  with  pundit  and  moonshee.  May  God  give 
unto  me  true  repentance,  and  make  me  to  reflect  on  the  dan- 
ger and  everlasting  ruin  of  which  benighted  souls  are  in 
danger,  and  not  to  trifle  with  them  on  such  awful  matters  ! 

April  15.  At  night  dined  with  a  large  party  at  Mrs.  H.'s. 
I  came  away  grieved  at  not  having  shown  and  felt  more  dis- 
pleasure at  their  vain  way  of  spending  time.  After  a  con- 
versation with ,  a  sense  of  the  cares  attending  the  edu- 
cation of  children  made  me  greatly  fear  marriage.  But  I 
would  not  make  it  a  subject  of  prayer,  in  any  other  way  than 
that  the  Lord  would  not  change  his  mercy,  as  his  fickle 
creature  changes,  but  appoint  me  one  state  or  other,  accord- 
ing as  I  may  most  glorify  him. 

Apiul  28.  My  soul,  to-day  as  Avell  as  yesterday,  expe- 
rienced somewhat  of  that  walk  in  Christ,  of  which  my  late 
meditations  have  led  me  to  think.  Oh,  the  divine  peace,  and 
tranquillity,  of  steadfastly  striving  to  keep  in  the  sight  of 
God,  and  depend  on  the  strength  of  Christ !  At  night  had 
a  very  profitable  conversation  with  Major  and  Mrs.  Y.,  on  the 
corruption  of  human  nature. 

April  29.  In  my  walk  had  much  of  the  divine  presence, 


1807.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  383 

and  felt  desirous  of  being  wholly  engaged  in  the  most  spirit- 
ual and  difficult  duties ;  only  one  man  came  at  night,  and 
that  was  B. ;  and  he  w^as  so  disgusted  at  the  contempt  and 
opposition  of  the  other  soldiers,  who,  by  bringing  him  infidel 
books,  suggesting  doubts,  and  asking  questions,  had  been  en- 
deavoring to  turn  him  away,  that  1  felt  quite  uneasy  for  him, 
especially  as  after  reading  and  prayer  "with  him,  he  seemed 
but  little  restored.  Oh  the  danger  of  souls  in  this  world  ! 
and  what  can  I  do  for  them  ?  Lord,  keep  him,  for  thou  only 
art  able  !  Yet  I  cannot  but  reflect  on  myself,  for  any  defect 
among  my  people.  Oh  had  I  been  more  spiritual  and  faith- 
ful, there  would  not  have  been  so  much  sin  amongst  them. 
Called  on  Colonel  W.  this  evening,  and  brought  anguish  on 
my  soul,  when  I  came  to  reflect  on  the  levity  of  my 
conversation. 

Dix^APORE,  May  4,  1807. 
Dear  Brother, 

You  have  received,  I  hope,  my  letter,  accompanying  the 
two  great  parcels  of  Dr.  B.'s  correspondence.  Your  surmise 
about  the  apparent  necessity  of  our  continuing  in  this  world, 
in  order  to  the  diff'usion  of  divine  knowledge  here,  has  some- 
times been  mine.  It  is  useful  to  be  reminded  of  our  insigni- 
ficancy. The  Lord  is  not  beholden  to  us  for  what  we  do  ; 
but  in  his  good  pleasure  appoints  us  to  this  work,  out  of 
numberless  other  instruments  no  less  worthy  ;  and  if  we  are 
cut  oft"  in  the  midst  of  our  plans,  his  great  scheme  is  not  in 
the  least  degree  disordered.  Every  blessing  attend  my  dear 
brother. 

H.  M. 
To  the  Rev.  D.  Corrie, 

May  17.  (Sunday.)  Service  at  six  o'clock,  preached  on  2 
Cor.  V.  20.  Congregation  small ;  afterwards  breakfasted 
with  the  Y.'s,  and  the  conversation  right.     Yesterday  and 


884  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1807. 

to-day  the  words,  "  Blessed  are  the  pure  in  heart,  for  they 
shall  see  God,"  were  a  rule  to  me,  and  my  soul  benefited. 
It  is  the  impurity  of  my  heart  that  hides  the  face  of  my  God 
from  me.  To-day  I  have  enjoyed  more  life  and  freedom  in 
prayer  and  public  duties.  In  the  afternoon,  the  congrega- 
tion of  women  was  large,  and  I  felt  a  tender  desire  to  speak 
unto  them  the  glad  tidings  of  salvation,  but  want  of  language 
produces  such  a  repetition  of  the  same  words  as  is  very  te- 
dious. At  the  hospital,  speaking  from  Pilgrim's  Progress, 
was  also  enlarged.  Throughout  the  day,  greatly  encouraged 
to  hope,  especially  in  private  prayer,  that  the  Lord  would 
raise  up  a  godly  seed  in  these  parts.  Alas  !  why  should  he 
not  ?  but  oh,  may  it  begin  by  an  extraordinary  spirit  of  grace 
and  supplication  in  me  and  his  ministers. 

May  18,  1807. 
I  think  it  will  be  better  for  us  to  write  to  one  another  every 
Monday,  instead  of  every  other  Monday.  A  fortnight's  in- 
terval is  really  too  long  for  me.  Long  before  the  day  of  re- 
ceiving and  writing  comes,  I  am  impatient,  so  it  is  ray  inten- 
tion to  write  you  next  Monday.  In  the  ordinary  course  of 
things,  you  will  have  to  wait  some  months  at  least,  before 
any  of  the  poor  men  declare  themselves  for  God.  I  feel 
anxious  for  your  health  at  this  time,  and  shall  so  till  the 
rains.  Through  great  mercy  my  health  and  strength  are 
supported  as  by  a  daily  miracle.  But  0  the  heat !  By  every 
device  of  darkness  and  tatties  I  cannot  keep  the  thermometer 
below  92°,  and  at  night  in  bed,  I  seem  in  danger  of  suffoca- 
tion. Let  me  know  somewhat  more  particularly  what  the 
heat  is,  and  how  you  contrive  to  bear  it.  The  worst  bad  ef- 
fect I  experience  is  the  utter  loss  of  appetite.  I  dread  the 
eating  time,  and  when  I  succeed  in  swallowing  anything 
nourishing,  I  rejoice  it  is  over.  You  will  feel  the  sohtude  of 
your  situation  very  distressing,  especially  as  you  have  been 


1807.]  OF   THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  385 

always  accustomed  to  a  domestic  life.  A  long  residence  in 
college  has  rather  prepared  me  for  it ;  but  what  a  privilege 
it  is  that  in  this  dry  and  thirsty  land,  where  no  water  is,  we 
have  a  fountain  of  living  water  opened,  which  is  sealed  to 
the  world  !  I  am,  however,  peculiarly  blest  here  in  my  so- 
ciety.    For  the s,  though  they  know  little,  are  seeking 

to  know  more.  They  have  a  great  wish  for  my  company  and 
conversation  on  religion,  and  read  the  books  I  give  them  ;  so 
that  I  am  with  them  almost  every  day  ;  yet  they  fear  to 
bi-eak  decidedly  w^ith  the  world.  I  have  many  fears  for  them 
both.  At  the  General's,  our  two  characters  and  "proceedings 
were    fully    discussed,  to   your   praise,    and    my    censure. 

Captain ,  who  met  with  you  at  Ghazipore,  describes  you 

as  a  cheerful,  agreeable  man,  and  yet  a  decorous  clergyman  ; 
and  he  said,  that  he  would  not  for  the  world  have  offended 
you.  It  was  observed,  that  it  would  be  better,  if  I  mixed 
agreeably  in  the  same  way  with  them,  though  some  remarked 
that  I  should  only  be  a  stern  monitor.  Those  who  knew  me, 
(among  them  the  General,)  denied  this  with  great  warmth. 
So  by  way  of  imitating  your  good  example,  I  took  an  early 
occasion  of  calling  on  multitudes  of  others,  whom  I  had  be- 
fore neglected.     A  Lieutenant has  been  a  little  excited 

to  employ  himself  properly,  and  comes  to  me  for  mathemati- 
cal instruction.  He  is  very  clever,  and  says  that  he  has 
been  of  a  serious  turn  from  his  infancy,  but  does  not  show 
any  good  marks  of  it.  Yesterday  was  in  general  a  happy 
season  to  me.  In  every  ministration  my  heart  was  enlarged. 
The  Hindoostanee  congregation  was  considerable,  but  I  was 
distressed  for  want  of  words,  while  trying  to  speak  a  little  on 
"  I  came  not  to  call  the  righteous,  but  sinners  to  repentance." 
The  unceasing  repetition  of  the  same  words  will,  I  fear,  prove 
fatip'uino:  to  them.  One  of  the  women  had  been  heard  in 
the  week  before  making  very  light  of  the  service.  She  said 
that  the  Roman  Padre  used  to  cross  himself,  and  do  many 
17 


386  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1807. 

other  fine  things,  but  all  my  service  was  story-telling.  This 
instance  of  contempt  proved  somewhat  of  a  trial  to  me,  as  I 
feared  they  would  all  forsake  me  ;  their  numbers  and  atten- 
tion yesterday  were  an  ansAver  to  my  prayers.  Difficulties 
respecting  the  schools  have  also  been  a  trial  to  my  spirits. 
Some  orders  I  had  given  for  schools  at  other  places  I  was 
obliged  to  recall,  till  these  are  pretty  firmly  established.  The 
more  Satan  tries  to  baffle  us,  the  more  closely  may  we  cleave 
unto  the  Lord  for  wisdom  and  strength.  No  opposition  from 
without  disconcerts  me  ;  for  sooner  or  later  the  world  must 
yield  to  the  great  Messiah.  But  when  my  expectations  are 
strong,  that  even  in  our  life- time  we  shall  see  many  a  Chris- 
tian church  emerging  from  this  darkness,  I  am  damped  at 
not  finding  that  Holy  Spirit  of  grace  and  supplication  poured 
out  on  me  (one  of  the  supposed  instruments)  W'hich  is  the 
general  forerunner  of  a  work  of  grace.  However,  let  us  not 
despair  even  of  this.  If  the  Lord  has  a  work  to  perform,  all 
the  intermediate  steps  are  easy  to  him.  My  reading  has 
lately  been  Persian,  Forster's  travels  over-land  to  England, 
and  Leland's  view  of  Deistical  writers. 
To  the  Rev.  D.  Corrie. 

May  24.  (Sunday.)  Preached  this  morning  at  six  o'clock, 
on  John  iii.  3.  Breakfasted  at  Major  Y.'s.  As  there  wa? 
another  person  there,  the  conversation  was  not  religious ;  but 
my  heart  smote  me  afterwards,  when  I  remembered  my 
shameful  inconsistencies,  unfaithfulness,  and  folly.  The  Lord 
open  my  eyes,  to  see  the  danger  of  souls,  and  my  own  dan- 
ger, if  I  so  trifle  with  them !  The  morning  passed  more 
profitably  and  comfortably  afterwards,  in  reading  and  prayer. 
Went  to  native  congregation  with  much  fear,  that  I  should 
not  be  able  to  say  anything  to  engage  their  attention ;  but 
the  Lord  was  better  to  me  than  my  fears,  and  assisted  me 
to  speak  very  freely  and  copiously  on  Matt.  x.     Found  fifty 


1806.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  387 

sick  at  the  hospital,  who  heard  the  Pilgrim's  Progress  with 
great  delight.  Some  men  came  to-night,  but  my  prayer 
with  them  was  exceedingly  poor  and  lifeless.  Afterwards  sat 

with  the  Y s,  and  endeavored   to  show  Mrs.  Y.,  who 

seemed  cast  down  with  fears  for  her  salvation,  the  all- 
sufficiency  of  Jesus.  The  discovering  by  her  conversation 
some  of  the  signs  of  a  true  work  of  grace,  endeared  her  ex- 
ceedingly to  my  heart. 

May  26.  Received  letters  from  Mr.  Brown  and  Marshman, 
which  greatly  refreshed  and  delighted  me.  A  Portuguese 
and  a  Hindoo  woman,  to  whom  he  wished  to  be  married, 
came  to  persuade  me  to  baptize  her  ;  but  after  a  long  con- 
versation with  him  and  his  friends,  I  positively  refused,  till  I 
saw  proofs  of  repentance  and  faith.  Though  we  perfectly 
understood  one  another's  language,  I  could  not  make  them 
comprehend  what  further  was  necessary  to  be  a  Christian, 
than  being  able  to  say  the  Lord's  prayer,  and  salam  to  Mary. 
They  all  went  away  in  great  distress,  and  1  felt  much  for 
them ;  but  I  trust  the  Lord  will  not  suffer  me  to  listen  to  my 
own  feelings,  so  as  to  profane  his  holy  ordinance. 

May  29.  In  my  walk,  thought  much  of  the  persecutions 
we  shall  probably  be  called  to  endure,  but  felt  sweetly  com- 
posed in  my  dear  Lotd.  For  myself  I  find  at  present  no 
fear,  but  that  when  the  trying  time  comes  I  shall  receive  ac- 
cording to  my  day  ;  and  for  the  church,  I  glory  in  the  oppo- 
sition of  men  to  it,  for  the  word  of  Christ  is  fulfilled,  and  he 
will  be  glorified  in  establishing  his  kingdom  in  spite  of  Satan. 
A  gentleman  at  Bankipore,  who  had  sent  me  a  native  Chris- 
tian, informed  me  that  he  had  picked  him  up  at  a  ghaut, 
from  which  the  people  were  driving  him,  for  defiling,  by  his 
presence,  the  sacred  waters  of  the  Ganges,  calling  him  Hucal 
Ahor.  The  poor  lad  was  making  his  way  to  LucknoAv,  but 
no  boat  would  take  him ;  I  supplied  him  with  enough  to 


388  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1807- 

bring  liim  to  Cliunar,  with  directions  to  Corrie  to  help  him 
onward. 

June  ]  7.  Began  a  letter  to  dear  Emma,  though  with  a 
blow  heart.  England  seems  to  have  vanished.  Translated 
from  Genesis  and  Romans ;  at  niglit  fom'  men  came,  and  we 
had  a  happy  season.  Bless  the  Lord,  0  my  soul,  for  this 
rising  church !  Oh  if  I  may  but  see  some  poor  native 
brethren  !  in  hopes  of  this,  the  epistle  appears  doubly  de- 
lightful to  me. 

June  18-23.  On  the  Sunday,  21st,  preached  on  John  iii. 
IG,  and  in  the  afternoon  with  the  Hindoos  had  some  enlaro-e- 
ment ;  at  night  six  soldiers  came,  one  new  one,  a  foreigner; 
occasional  visits  and  profitable  conversation  with  Mrs.  Y.: 
my  chief  trials  have  been  in  general  from  evil  thoughts,  but 
when  most  severely  tried,  I  have  been  kept  most  visibly  from 
falling,  by  divine  restoration ;  but  what  a  sink  of  sin  is  this 
heart !  what  incessant  and  continually  recurring  iniquity ! 
Mourn,  my  soul,  over  these  things  ;  they  hide  the  face  of 
God  from  thee ;  oh  let  me  be  pure  in  heart. 

June  26,  "  As  a  vesture  shalt  thou  fold  them  up,  and 
they  shall  be  changed,  but  thou  art  the  same."  Jesus  ever 
the  same,  Avhen  nature  lies  in  ruins,  and  every  creature  is 
gone  ;  oh,  let  him  be  my  portion  !  All  time  employed  in 
translating  ;  '*  Hide  not  thy  face  from  me,  lest  I  be  like  those 
that  go  down  to  the  pit ;"  "  there  is  a  fountain  opened  for 
sin  and  uncleanness,"  and  into  that  I  plunge.  Oh,  may  I 
receive  the  Spirit  of  God,  "  that  if  I  live  in  the  Spirit,  I  may 
also  walk  in  the  Spirit !"  B.  came  at  night,  and  gave  such 
evident  signs  of  grace  and  activity  in  duty,  that  my  sinful 
soul  w^as  much  revived.  He  seems  endued  wdth  singular 
wisdom  to  win  others,  and  is  constantly  engaged  in  its  pro- 
ceedings, as  he  says  upon  the  principle  of  these  words,  "  he 
that  gathereth  not  with  me,  scattereth." 

June  27.  At  night  B.  came,  full  of  jo}^,  to  say  that  God 


1807.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  389 

liad  heard  my  prayer  for  him  last  night,  for  he  had  been  much 
blessed  with  the  presence  of  God  all  day,  and  had  prevailed 
on  two  others  to  join  us.  In  prayer  at  night,  felt  constrained 
to  cry  in  earnest  against  my  levity,  self-complacency,  and 
w.ant  of  impression  concerning  the  importance  of  the  ministry. 

July  3.  Received  two  Europe  letters,  one  from  Lydia,  and 
the  other  from  Colonel  Sandys.  The  tender  emotions  of  love, 
and  gratitude,  and  veneration  for  her,  were  again  powerfully 
aw^akened  in  my  mind,  so  that  I  could  with  difficulty  think  of 
anything  else,  yet  I  found  myself  drawn  nearer  to  God  by 
the  pious  remarks  of  her  letter.  Nature  would  have  desired 
more  testimonies  of  her  love  to  me,  but  grace  approved  her 
ardent  love  to  her  Lord. 

July  8.  Went  to  Bankipore  to  baptize  a  child  of  's. 

One  of  the  ladies  played  some  hymn  tunes  on  my  account. 
If  I  were  provided  with  proper  books,  much  good  might  be 
done  by  these  visits,  for  I  meet  with  general  acceptance  and 
deference.  In  the  evening,  buried  a  man,  who  had  died  in 
the  hospital  after  a  short  illness.  My  conscience  felt  again  a 
conviction  of  guilt,  at  considering  how  many  precious  hours 
I  waste  on  trifles,  and  how  cold  and  lukewarm  my  spirit  is 
when  addressing  souls ;  and  now  another  is  gone  in  his  sins, 
— gone  to  bear  testimony  perhaps  against  the  unfaithfulness 
of  his  minister.  My  soul  remained  through  the  evening  in  a 
state  of  awful  seriousness ;  and  at  night,  with  the  soldiers  in 
prayer,  I  found  a  sweet  and  solemn  pleasure  in  dwelling  upon 
our  mortality.     Wishing  to  have  some  conversation  with  the 

Y s,  I  went  there ;  but  finding  Major  C.  there,  and  the 

conversation  trifling,  I  retired  immediately ;  to  speak  or  hear 
anything  about  the  world's  affairs  appeared  exceedingly  pain- 
ful. 

July  19.  (Sunday.)  At  the  afternoon  church  one  of  the 
women,  who  is  usually  deeply  attentive,  shed  tears  on  hear- 
inor  that  God  writes  down  in  a  book  all  the  evil  acts  and 


390  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1807. 

thoughts  and  words  of  men.  The  congregation  small,  but  I 
was  assisted  much  with  them  ;  the  3'Oung  man  at  the  hospital, 
and  another  there,  of  whom  I  had  hopes,  showed  their  hearts 
untouched,  and  seemed  even  quite  contemptuous.  Among 
the  soldiers  at  night,  there  was  a  new  one  lately  come  from 
Cuttack ;  I  felt  very  solemn  in  prayer,  and  deliberate.  At 
night,  with  Major  Y.,  my  conversation,  I  fear,  was  more  than 

they  could  bear.     I  told  that  she  would  never  enjoy 

peace  of  mind  till  she  let  the  world  go ;  and  spoke  in  full 
about  plays,  cards,  balls,  &c.  She  observed  that  religious 
people  made  rehgion  terrible  by  debarring  persons  from 
amusements,  and  some  time  after  retired  in  tears.  Alas  !  how 
bard  is  it  for  a  rich  man  to  enter  into  the  kingdom  of  heaven  ! 
And  how  cruel  a  disappointment  to  my  hopes  !  What  a  cut- 
ting off  of  right  hands  and  plucking  out  of  right  eyes  is  true 
religion  !  notwithstanding  that  people  in  these  days  must  have 
the  bitter  draught  made  more  palatable ;  but  the  true  gospel 
is  still  the  same.  Oh  that  God  would  send  into  her  heart  a 
right  sense  of  her  lost  estate  !  she  would  then  see  it  to  be  a 
very  small  sacrifice  to  part  with  a  few  paltry  amusements. 

July  30.  Received  letters  from  Europe,  from  Lydia,  sister 
S.,  Simeon,  Cecil,  and  Hensman.  The  contents  so  engaged 
me,  as  I  went  in  my  palanquin  to  Patna,  and  at  Mr.  Glad- 
win's, that  I  could  think  of  nothing  else,  and  so  came  away 
immediately.  Still  kept  in  ignorance  about  the  Lord's  pur- 
poses respecting  Lydia,  and  likely  to  remain  so  some  time, 
such  is  his  blessed  will ;  but  my  sister's  letters*  made  my 
heart  bleed,  and  proved  a  more  severe  affliction  than  I  have 
experienced  since  being  in  India.  Nothing  but  the  assurance 
that  it  is  the  Lord,  and  that  infinite  wisdom  appoints  that  I 
shall  suffer  this  too,  keeps  me  from  deep  dejection. 

July  31.  Called  on  some  of  the  people  and  officers;  but 

*  These  letters  informed  him  of  the  approaching  death  of  his  eldest 
sister. 


1807.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  391 

my  heart  was  so  pressed,  and,  as  it  were,  choked  with  the  re- 
membrance of  my  sister,  my  dear,  dear  sister ;  ever}^  hour  do 
I  commend  her  to  God ;  oh  hear  my  prayer  1 

Aug.  2.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  Ezekiel  xxxiii.  11.  Two 
of  the  heutenants,  with  whom  I  had  a  long  and  solemn  con- 
versation last  night,  came,  and  I  hope  found  a  word  in  season. 

Aug.  3,  4.  While  thinking  of  writing  to  my  dear  sister,  my 
heart  felt  ready  to  burst  with  grief ;  I  shed  many  tears  at  the 
remembrance  of  her,  and  interceded  for  her  many  times  with 

God.     The  Y s  give  me  more  encouragement  to  hope 

that  they  are  forsaking  the  vanities  of  the  world. 

Aug.  16.  (Sunday.)  In  the  morning  preached  on  Rom.  iii. 
20.  In  the  afternoon  with  the  Hindoostanee  conffreo^ation  ; 
the  people  seemed  affected  at  some  parts.  Returned  to  my 
quarters,  and  found  letters  from  Sallj^,  bringing  the  intelli- 
gence of  my  elder  sister's  death  ! 

Aug.  1*7.  Continued  in  bitter  distress;  it  still  appears  like 
a  dream  to  me  that  she  is  really  gone. 

Aug.  18.  More  composed  than  yesterday,  and  returned 
to  my  v/ork,  but  heart-breaking  recollections  come  across  me 
at  intervals — my  soul  finding  its  only  consolation  in  seeking 
and  endeavoring  to  maintain  a  spirit  of  submission  to  the 
blessed  God. 

Aug.  26.  Morning  and  evening,  visiting  one  of  my  men,  a 
sergeant,  who  is  in  some  danger ;  read  and  conversed  with 
him,  but  did  not  find  undoubted  evidence  of  his  being  under 
real  conviction.  Studies,  as  usual ;  the  men  came  at  night. 
Was  constrained  afterwards  to  mourn,  that  I  do  not  enjoy 
either  private  or  social  prayer.  Among  other  causes  of  this 
decline,  I  fear  that  I  walk  according  to  my  carnal  wisdom, 
striving  to  excite  seriousness  by  natural  considerations,  such 
as  the  thoughts  of  death  and  judgment,  instead  of  bringing 
my  soul  to  Christ  to  be  sanctified  by  his  Spirit.  In  secret 
prayer  at  night,  I  cast  myself,  as  ignorant  and  helpless,  on 


392  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1807. 

the  wisdom  and  mercy  of  the  Lord,  that  he  might  sanctify 
me  in  his  own  way,  and  prayed  for  real  spii  ituahty,  that  I 
might  both  Hve  by  the  Spirit,  and  w\alk  in  the  Spirit ;  I  felt 
some  revival.  Oh  may  I  henceforth  know  Christ  no  more 
after  the  flesh !  let  all  old  thoughts  and  customs  die  away, 
and  all  things  become  new.  Let  me  live  contrary  to,  and 
above  my  own  spirit ;  that  is,  let  Christ  live  in  me,  and  bring 
into  captivity  every  thought  that  exalteth  itself  against  the 
knowledge  of  God. 

Sept.  7.  Thinking  with  peculiar  fondness  of  my  dearest 
Lydia,  though  with  some  unhappiness,  lest  we  should  never 
meet  ao-ain  on  earth.  Yet  our  o'racious  Father  will  order  it 
for  the  best  for  both  of  us. 

Sept.  12.  To-night,  after  a  visit  to  the  hospital,  felt  my 
soul  solemnly  affected  at  the  sin  and  neglect  of  God  so  aw- 
fully reigning  among  those  poor  people  committed  to  my 
charge.  I  found  great  solemnity  and  freedom  in  prayer,  that 
God  would  show^  his  mighty  power  in  converting  some  of 
them,  though  by  the  instrumentality  of  so  weak  a  worm.  Oh 
let  me  sow  in  tears ;  let  me  go  forth,  bearing  precious  seed, 
and  I  shall  doubtless  come  again  with  joy.  I  feel  cautious 
how  I  ought  to  apply  these  words  of  2  Cor.  ii.  to  myself,  to 
whom  much  of  their  continuance  in  sin  should  be  attributed  ; 
yet  I  often  do  find  a  melancholy  comfort  in  them.  "We  are 
a  sweet  savor  of  Christ  in  them  that  perish." 

Sept.  16.  Heard  of  Colonel  W 's  death.     How  hard 

is  my  wicked  heart,  that  I  do  not  feel  more  awfully  aflfected 
at  this  event !  One  committed  to  my  charge,  one  with  w^hom 
I  used  to  converse  familiarly,  gone  to  give  up  his  account  to 
God !  Perhaps  he  has  thought,  before  now,  oh,  had  my 
minister  been  more  faithful,  had  he,  instead  of  talking  so  free- 
ly on  trifling  and  literary  subjects,  been  instant,  though  out 
of  season  !  Oh  my  God,  let  me  live  preparing  for  my  own  de- 
Darture,  and  striving  to  save  some  poor  souls  around  me.    At 


1807.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  393 

night  some  men  came  ;  I  felt  convinced  how  greatly  I  had 
neglected  the  blessed  God,  "  Thou  hast  not  called  upon  me, 
O  Jacob  ;  thou  hast  been  Aveary  of  me,  0  Israel."  These 
words  occurred  to  me  with  shame  and  grief;  oh  that  I  should 
be  so  stupid  and  wicked,  as  not  to  live  for  ever  in  the  sight 
and  love  of  that  adorable  being,  who  is  in  himself  so  lovely, 
and  daily  loadeth  me  with  benefits  ;  now  henceforth  may  I 
knov/  nothing  but  this  God  of  love. 

Sept.  18.  Lived  with  more  watchfulness  and  perseverance 
in  prayer,  and  found  my  soul  more  serious  and  serene.  How 
amazing,  how  unaccountable,  that  I  should  be  such  an  ene- 
my to  myself,  by  living  far  from  God  !  Began  the  first  Epis- 
tle to  Corinthians.  Enjoyed  in  the  evening  many  refreshing 
and  triumphant  thoughts,  from  meditating  on  the  resurrection 
of  the  Lord.  While  the  shafts  of  death  fly  so  quick  all 
around,  how  does  this  glorious  truth  hold  out  a  refuge  from 
melancholy  and  fear ! 

DiNAPORE,  Sept.  IS,  1807. 
My  dear  Sir, 

I  hasten  to  reply  to  two  of  your  letters.  For  the  consola- 
tion contained  in  the  first,  I  feel  grateful  to  your  kindness. 
The  second,  I  am  almost  disposed  to  call  the  first  angry  let- 
ter I  have  received  from  you.  However,  I  know  it  is  only 
your  love  and  zeal,  that  make  you  grieve  at  my  not  standing 
forward  to  help  your  beloved  church.  You  ascribe  it  to  the 
agency  of  Satan.  Let  us  hope,  my  dearest  sir,  that  we  shall 
live  to  see  it  fall  out  rather  unto  the  furtherance  of  the  gos- 
pel. I  have  now  no  choice  left  as  you  tell  me ;  and  there- 
fore it  is  perhaps  superfluous  to  state  again  my  reasons  of 
dissent  from  your  and  Dr.  B.'s  opinions  ;  yet  I  must  write 
them  down.  1st.  The  evangelization  of  India  is  a  more  im- 
portant object  than  preaching  to  the  European  inhabitants  of 
Calcutta.  2nd.  Therefore  he  that  is  qualified  for  the  first 
17* 


394  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1807. 

object,  in  any  degree,  by  his  youth  and  inchnation  for  the 
work,  should  give  himself  to  it,  as  he  may  hope  that  he  has 
a  divine  call.  But  3rd.  The  two  objects  cannot  be  combined 
in  such  a  place  as  Calcutta.  One  consequence  of  my  joining 
you  would  be,  that  we  should  get  no  one  from  England  ;  for 
they  would  say,  Calcutta  is  very  well  supplied.  Mr.  Brown 
and  Martyn  are  there.  No,  let  them  hear,  if  it  must  be  so, 
that  Calcutta  is  destitute  of  the  gospel.  Corrie  and  myself 
can  always  plead,  that  we  are  engaged  about  a  more  impor- 
tant object ;  and  then  it  will  rest  with  the  consciences  of  the 
ministers  at  home,  young  and  old,  whether  they  ought  not  to 
leave  a  small  parish  for  the  benefit  of  a  great  city.  I  am 
now  supposing  you  actually  gone  ;  but  blessed  be  God  we 
have  you  still,  and  therefore  I  suffer  no  uneasiness. 

My  dear  sir,  it  is  our  privilege  to  live  without  carefulness  ; 
especially  may  we  be  assured  that  the  care  of  the  churches 
is  with  Him,  who  has  the  government  upon  his  shoulder. 
May  he  graciously  direct  all  our  ways  !  If  Dr.  B,  is  not  yet 
gone,  assure  him  of  my  affectionate  wishes  for  his  safety  and 
happiness. 

I  am,  dearest  sir, 

Yours,  with  unfeio^ned  reo^ard, 

H.  Martyn. 
To  the  Rev.  D.  Brown,  Calcutta. 

Sept.  24.  What  my  soul  longeth  for  and  at  some  moments 
expects,  is  a  peculiar  sobriety,  and  inward  fervor  in  the  hearts 
of  the  ministers  and  missionaries  here.  My  cowardly  spirit 
shrinks  not  from  ill  usage  of  the  body,  but  from  the  contempt 
attending  my  inability  to  continue  in  any  one  place,  for  any 
length  of  time,  preaching  the  kingdom  of  God.  Yet  come 
what  will,  I  trust  that  I  shall  ere  long  do  it  at  Patna ! 

October  21.  Translating  all  day;  in  the  evening  had  a 
happy  and  refreshing  season  with  the  men.      How  often. 


1807.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  395 

when  I  have  had  no  power  in  secret  prayer,  has  the  Lord 
proved  himself  to  be  in  the  midst  of  two  or  three  gathered 
together  in  his  name  !     Afterwards  having  occasion  to  call  at 

the 's,  I  spent  an  hour  in  conversation  with  on 

conformity  to  the  world.  I  spoke  to  her  more  freely  than  I 
ever  did  before  to  an  individual ;  but  I  fear  her  heart  is  not 
rightly  affected  with  respect  to  many  other  points  of  infinite 
importance. 

Oct.  24.  An  unhappy  day ;  received  at  last  a  letter  from 
Lydia,  in  which  she  refuses  to  come,  because  her  mother  will 
not  consent  to  it.  Grief  and  disappointment  threw  my  soul 
into  confusion  at  first ;  but  gradually,  as  my  disorder  sub- 
sided, my  eyes  were  opened,  and  reason  resumed  its  office. 
I  could  not  but  agree  with  her,  that  it  would  not  be  for  the 
glory  of  God,  nor  could  wc  expect  his  blessing,  if  she  acted 
in  disobedience  to  her  mother.  As  she  has  said,  "  They  that 
walk  in  crooked  paths,  shall  not  find  peace  ;"  and  if  she 
were  to  come  with  an  uneasy  conscience,  what  happiness 
could  we  either  of  us  expect  ? 

DiNAPORE,  Oct.  24,  1807. 
My  dear  Lydia, 

Though  my  heart  is  bursting  with  grief  and  disappoint- 
ment, I  write  not  to  blame  you.  The  rectitude  of  all  your 
conduct  secures  you  from  censure.  Permit  me  calmly  to 
reply  to  your  letter  of  March  5,  which  I  have  this  day 
received. 

You  condemn  yourself  for  having  given  me,  though  unin- 
tentionally, encouragement  to  believe  that  my  attachment 
was  returned.  Perhaps  you  have.  I  have  read  your  former 
letters  with  feelings  less  sanguine  since  the  receipt  of  the  last, 
and  I  am  still  not  surprised  at  the  interpretation  I  put  upon 
them.  But  why  accuse  yourself  for  having  written  in  this 
strain  ?     It   has  not  increased  my  expectations,  nor  conse- 


396  .  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1807. 

quently  embittered  my  disappointment.  When  I  addressed 
you  in  my  first  letter  on  the  subject,  I  was  not  induced  to  it 
by  any  appearances  of  regard  you  had  expressed,  neither  at 
any  subsequent  period  have  my  hopes  of  your  consent  been 
founded  on  a  belief  of  your  attachment  to  me.  I  knew  that 
your  conduct  would  be  regulated,  not  by  personal  feelings, 
but  by  a  sense  of  duty.  And  therefore  you  have  nothing  to 
blame  yourself  for  on  this  head. 

In  your  last  letter  you  do  not  assign,  among  your  reasons 
for  refusal,  a  want  of  regard  to  me.  In  that  case  I  could  not 
in  decency  give  you  any  further  trouble.  On  the  contrary, 
you  say  that  "  present  circumstances  seem  to  you  to  forbid 
my  indulging  expectations."  As  this  leaves  an  opening,  I 
presume  to  address  you  again  ;  and  till  the  answer  arrives, 
must  undergo  another  eighteen  months  of  torturing  suspense. 

Alas  !  my  rebellious  heart — what  a  tempest  agitates  me  ! 
I  knew  not  that  I  had  made  so  little  progress  in  a  spirit  of 
resignation  to  the  Divine  will.  I  am  in  my  chastisement,  like 
the  bullock  unaccustomed  to  the  yoke,  hke  a  wild  bull  in  a 
net,  full  of  the  fury  of  the  Lord,  the  rebuke  of  my  God. 
The  death  of  my  late  most  beloved  sister  almost  broke  my 
heart ;  but  I  hoped  it  had  softened  me,  and  made  me  willing 
to  suffer.  But  now  my  heart  is  as  though  destitute  of  the 
grace  of  God,  full  of  misanthropic  disgust  with  the  world, 
and  sometimes  feeling  resentment  against  yourself  and  Emma, 
and  Mr.  Simeon,  and  in  short  all  whom  I  love  and  honor 
most.  Sometimes  in  pride  and  anger  resolving  to  write  neither 
to  you,  nor  to  any  one  else  again.  These  are  the  motions 
of  sin.  My  love  and  my  better  reason  draw  me  to  you  again. 
***#*#** 
But  now  with  respect  to  your  mother,  I  confess  that  the 
chief  and  indeed  only  difficulty  lies  here.  Considering  that 
she  is  your  mother,  as  I  hoped  she  would  be  mine,  and  that 
her  happiness  so  much  depends  on  you ;    considering  also 


1807.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  39T 

that  I  am  God's  minister,  which  amidst  all  the  tumults  of 
my  soul  I  dare  not  forget,  I  faulter  in  beginning  to  give 
advice,  which  may  prove  contrary  to  the  law  of  God.  God 
forbid,  therefore,  that  I  should  say,  disobey  your  parents, 
^yhere  the  divine  law  does  not  command  you  to  disobey 
them ;  neither  do  I  positively  take  upon  myself  to  say,  that 
this  is  a  case,  in  which  the  law  of  God  requires  you  to  act  in 
contradiction  to  them.  I  would  rather  suggest  to  your 
mother  some  considerations,  which  justify  me  in  attempting 
to  deprive  her  of  the  company  of  a  beloved  child. 

Oct.  26.  a  sabbath  having  intervened  since  the  above 
was  written,  I  find  myself  more  tranquillized  by  the  sacred 
exercises  of  the  day.  One  passage  of  Scripture  which  you 
quote  has  been  much  on  my  mind,  and  I  find  it  very  appro- 
priate and  decisive, — that  we  are  not  to  "make  to  ourselves 
crooked  paths,  which  whoso  walketh  in  shall  not  know 
peace."  Let  me  say,  I  must  be  therefore  contented  to  wait, 
till  you  feel  that  the  way  is  clear.  But  I  intended  to  justify 
myself  to  Mrs.  Grenfell.  Let  her  not  suppose,  that  I  would 
make  her  or  any  other  of  my  fellow-creatures  miserable,  that 
I  might  be  happy.  If  there  were  no  reason  for  your  coming 
here,  and  the  contest  were  only  between  Mrs.  Grenfell  and 
me,  that  is,  between  her  happiness  and  mine,  I  would  urge 
nothing  further,  but  resign  you  to  her.  But  I.  have  con- 
sidered, that  there  are  many  things,  that  might  reconcile  her 
to  a  separation  from  you  (if,  indeed,  a  separation  is  necessar)% 
for  if  she  would  come  along  with  you  I  should  rejoice  the 
more).  First,  she  does  not  depend  on  you  alone  for  the 
comfort  of  her  declining  years.  She  is  surrounded  by  friends. 
She  has  a  greater  numbers  of  sons  and  daughters  honorably 
established  in  the  world,  than  falls  to  the  lot  of  most  parents 
— all  of  whom  would  be  happy  in  having  her  amongst  them. 
Again,  if  a  person  worthy  of  your  hand,  and  settled  in  Eng- 
land, were  to  ofl'er  himself,  Mrs.  G.  would  not  have  insuper- 


398  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1807. 

able  objections,  though  it  did  deprive  her  of  her  daughter. 
Na}',  I  sometimes  think,  perhaps  arrogantly,  that  had  I  my- 
self remained  in  England,  and  in  possession  of  a  competency, 
she  would  not  have  withheld  her  consent.  Why  then  should 
my  banishment  from  my  native  country  in  the  service  of 
mankind,  be  a  reason  with  any  for  inflicting  an  additional 
wound,  far  more  painful  than  a  separation  from  my  dearest 
relatives  ? 

I  have  no  claim  upon  Mrs.  G.  in  any  way,  but  let  her 
only  conceive  a  son  of  her  own  in  my  circumstances.  If  she 
feels  it  a  sacrifice,  let  her  remember,  that  it  is  a  sacrifice  made 
to  duty  ;  that  your  presence  here  would  be  of  essential  ser- 
vice to  the  church  of  God,  it  is  superfluous  to  attempt  to 
prove.  If  you  really  believe  of  yourself  as  you  speak,  it  is 
because  you  were  never  out  of  England. 

Your  mother  cannot  be  so  misinformed  respecting  India, 
and  the  voyage  to  it,  as  to  be  apprehensive  on  account  of 
the  climate  or  passage,  in  these  days  when  multitudes  of  la- 
dies every  year,  with  constitutions  as  delicate  as  yours,  go  to 
and  fro  in  perfect  safety,  and  a  vastly  greater  majority  enjoy 
their  health  here  than  in  England.  With  respect  to  my 
means,  I  need  add  nothing  to  what  was  said  in  my  first  let- 
ter. But  alas  !  what  is  my  afiiuence  good  for  now  ?  It 
never  gave  me  pleasure,  but  when  I  thought  you  were  to 
share  it  with  me.  Two  days  ago  I  was  hastening  on  the 
alterations  in  my  house  and  garden,  supposing  you  were  at 
hand  ;  but  now  every  object  excites  disgust.  My  wish  upon 
the  whole  is,  that  if  you  perceive  it  would  be  your  duty  to 
come  to  India,  were  it  not  for  your  mother, — and  of  that  j'ou 
cannot  doubt, — supposing  I  mean  that  your  inclinations  are 
indiff"erent,  then  you  should  make  her  acquainted  with  your 
thoughts,  and  let  us  leave  it  to  God,  how  he  will  determine 
her  mind. 

In  the  meantime,  since  I  am  forbidden   to  hope  for  the 


1807.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  899 

immediate  pleasm-e  of  seeing  you,  my  next  request  is  for  a 
mutual  engagement.  My  own  heart  is  engaged,  I  believe 
indissolubly. 

My  reason  for  making  a  request  which  you  will  account 
bold,  is,  that  there  can  then  be  no  possible  objection  to  our 
correspondence,  especially  as  I  promise  not  to  persuade  you 
to  leave  your  mother. 

In  the  midst  of  my  present  sorrow  I  am  constrained  to  re- 
member yours.  Your  compassionate  heart  is  pained  from 
having  been  the  cause  of  suffering  to  me.  But  care  not  for 
me,  dearest  Lydia.  Next  to  the  bliss  of  having  you  with 
me,  my  happiness  is  to  know  that  you  are  happy.  I  shall 
have  to  groan  long  perhaps  with  a  heavy  heart  ;  but  if  I  am 
not  hindered  materially  by  it  in  the  work  of  God,  it  will  be 
for  the  benefit  of  my  soul.  You,  sister  belov^ed  in  the  Lord, 
know  much  of  the  benefit  of  afHiction.  0  may  I  have  grace 
to  follow  you,  though  at  a  humble  distance,  in  the  path  of 
patient  suffering,  in  which  you  have  walked  so  long  !  Day 
and  night  I  cease  not  to  pray  for  you,  though  I  fear  my 
prayers  are  of  little  value. 

But  as  an  encouragement  to  you  to  pray,  I  cannot  help 
transcribing  a  few  words  from  my  journal,  written  at  the 
time  you  wrote  your  letter  to  me.  (Yth  March.)  "  As  on  the 
two  last  days  (you  wrote  your  letter  on  the  5th)  felt  no  de- 
sire for  a  comfortable  settlement  in  the  world,  scarcely 
pleasure  at  the  thought  of  Lydia's  coming,  except  so  far  as 
her  being  sent  might  be  for  the  good  of  my  soul  and  assist- 
ance in  my  work."  How  manifestly  is  there  an  omnipresent, 
all-seeing  God  !  and  how  sure  we  may  be  that  prayers  for 
spiritual  blessings  are  heard  by  our  God  and  Father  !  0  let 
that  endearing  name  quell  every  murmur.  When  I  am  sent 
for  to  different  parts  of  the  country  to  officiate  at  marriages, 
I  sometmies  think,  amidst  the  festivity  of  the  company,  Why 
does  all  go  so  easily  w^ith  them,  and  so  hardly  with  me  ? 


400  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1807. 

They  come  together  without  difficulty,  and  I  am  balked  and 
disconcerted  almost  every  step  I  take,  and  condemned  to 
wear  away  the  time  in  uncertainty.  Then  I  call  to  mind 
that  to  live  without  chastening  is  allowed  to  the  spurious 
offspring,  while  to  suifer  is  the  privilege  of  the  children  of 
God. 

Dearest  Lydia !  must  I  conclude  ?  I  could  prolong  my 
communion  with  you  through  many  sheets  ;  how  many  things 
have  I  to  say  to  you,  which  I  hoped  to  have  communicated 
in  person.  But  the  more  I  write,  and  the  more  I  think  of 
you,  the  more  my  affection  warms,  and  I  should  feel  it  diffi- 
cult to  keep  my  pen  from  expressions,  that  might  not  be 
acceptable  to  you. 

Farewell !  dearest,  most  beloved  Lydia,  remember  your 
faithful'  and  ever  affectionate, 

H.  Martyn 

DiNAPORE,  Oct.  26,  1807. 
My  Dear  Sir, 

I  have  received  your  two  letters  of  the  14th  and  r7th  ;  the 
last  contained  a  letter  from  Lydia.  It  is  as  I  feared.  She 
refuses  to  come,  because  her  mother  will  not  give  her  con- 
sent. Sir,  you  must  not  wonder  at  my  pale  looks,  Avhen  I 
receive  so  many  hard  blows  on  my  heart.  Yet  a  Father's 
love  appoints  the  trial,  and  I  pray  that  it  may  have  its  in- 
tended eftect.  The  effect  of  mental  disorder  on  my  bodily 
frame  is  unfortunate  ;  trouble  brings  on  disease,  and  disorders 
the  sleep.  In  this  way  I  am  laboring  a  little  now,  but  not 
much  ;  in  a  few  days  it  will  pass  away  again.  He  that  hath 
delivered,  and  doth  deliver,  is  He,  in  whom  we  trust,  that  he 
will  yet  deliver.    *****  ^^ 

******** 

To  the  Rev.  D,  Brown,  Calcutta. 


1807.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  401 

Oct.  29 — 31.  My  soul  in  general  solemnly  affected  in 
prayer,  though  not  at  other  times  ;  affections  much  more 
weaned  and  sepai-ated  from  worldly  things :  I  feel  resigned 
to  see  Lydia  no  more ;  had  frequently  sweet  and  happy  ex- 
perience of  those  words,  "  the  glorious  liberty  of  the  child- 
ren of  God."  Who  or  what  is  there  I  need  care  for,  while 
my  business  is  so  entirely  with  God  ? 

Nov.  3.  Tried  by  a  variety  of  outbreakings  of  innate  cor- 
ruption, evil  temper,  irritability,  deadness  of  affection  in  spir- 
itual things,  sinful  anger  against  the  Mahomedans,  for  the 
contempt  they  show  the  word  of  God  ;  whereas  I  only  ought 
to  grieve  and  be  astonished,  that  they  are  so  blind,  "  Tlie 
God  of  this  world  hath  blinded  the  eyes  of  them  that  believe 
not,"  (fee,  but  the  many  suitable  admonitions  I  received 
from  the  blessed  Avord,  as  I  was  translating  it,  were  a  blessing 
and  strength. 

Nov.  13.  Have  had  more  spiritual  enjoyment  than  of  late. 
God  has  manifested  himself  to  my  soul  in  more  love,  and  I 
have  been  able  to  cleave  to  him  with  more  affection.  Wher- 
ever I  am,  or  whatever  I  do,  or  whomsoever  I  see,  what  have 
I  to  do  but  to  think  of  thee,  rejoice  in  thee,  depend  on  thee, 
and  to  do  thy  work,  my  Saviour  and  my  God  ?  Oh,  w^hy 
do  I  ever  depart  from  thee  ?  Major  and  Mrs.  Y.,  and  Capt. 
C.  dined  with  me  and  Sabat.  The  conversation  was  inter- 
esting and  not  unprofitable. 

Nov.  15.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  Exodus  xx.  17.  .The 
spirituahty  of  the  law  ;  the  people  seemingly  not  much  af- 
fected by  it :  but  I  was  myself,  both  to-day  and  the  day 
before,  in  preparing  it.  May  these  impressions  of  the  infinite 
necessity  of  maintaining  a  pure  heart  before  this  holy  Lord 
God,  through  the  influence  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  ever  remain 
with  me,  that  though  my  guilt  may  be  washed  away  in 
Christ's  blood,  I  may  lay  it  upon  my  conscience,  to  cast  out 
the  sinful  thoughts  of  this  self-deluding  heart !     Passed  the 


402  '  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [180T. 

morning  comfortaWy  in  reading  the  word ;  the  number  of 
women  was  very  inconsiderable,  and  I  had  no  hfe  in  speaking 
to  them.  At  night,  while  my  soul  was  cast  down  within  me, 
from  a  sense  of  my  own  meanness  and  unworthiness,  and 
inutility  to  the  souls  committed  to  me,  my  heart  was  com- 
forted by  spiritual  exercises  with  the  men,  particularly  in 
prayer ;  and  I  found  it  sweet  to  breathe  after  more  serious- 
ness and  deadness  to  the  world,  both  to  myself  and  to 
them. 

Nov.  19 — 21.  My  mind  violently  occupied  with  thoughts 
respecting  the  approaching  spread  of  the  gospel,  and  my 
own  going  to  Persia.  Sabat's  conversion  stirs  up  a  great  de- 
sire in  me  to  go ;  as  by  his  account  all  the  Mahometan  coun- 
tries are  ripe  for  throwing  off  the  delusion.  The  gracious 
Lord  will  teach  me,  and  make  my  way  plain  before  my  face. 
Oh  !  may  he  keep  my  soul  in  peace,  and  make  it  indifferent 
to  me,  whether  I  die  or  live,  so  Christ  be  magnified  by  me ! 
I  have  need  to  receive  this  spirit  from  him,  for  I  feel  at  pre- 
sent unwilling  to  die,  as  if  my  own  life  and  labors  were  ne- 
cessary for  this  work,  or  as  if  I  should  be  deprived  of  the 
bliss  of  seeing  the  conversion  of  the  nations.  Vain  thought ! 
God,  who  keeps  me  here  awhile,  arranges  every  part  of  his 
plans  in  unerring  wisdom  ;  and  if  I  should  be  cut  off  in  the 
midst  of  my  plans,  I  shall  still,  I  trust,  through  mercy,  be- 
hold his  works  in  heaven,  and  be  everlastingly  happy,  in  the 
ncA'er-ceasing  admiration  of  his  works  and  nature. 

Nov.  25.  Letters  came  from  Mr.  Simeon  and  Lydia,  both 
of  which  depressed  my  spirits  exceedingly  ;  though  I  have 
been  wishing  for  some  days  past,  that  I  might  have  it  in  my 
power  to  consider  myself  free,  so  as  to  be  able  to  go  to  Per- 
sia or  elsewhere ; — yet  now  that  the  wished-for  permiission  is 
come,  I  am  filled  with  grief :  I  cannot  bear  to  part  with 
Lydia,  and  she  seems  more  necessary  to  me  than  my  life  ;  yet 
her  letter  was  to  bid  me  a  last  farewell.     Oh,  how  have  I 


1807.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  403 

been  crossed  from  childhood,  and  yet  how  httle  benefit  have 
I  received  from  these  chastisements  of  my  God  ! 

Nov.  26.  Received  a  letter  from  Emma,  which  again  had 
a  tendency  to  depress  my  spirits ;  all  the  day  I  could  not 
attain  to  sweet  resignation  to  God.  I  seemed  to  be  cut  off 
forever  from  happiness,  in  not  having  Lydia  ^^ith  me. 

Dec.  13.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  Luke  xii.  20.  The 
congregation  was  large,  and  more  attentive  than  they  have 
ever  yet  been.  Some  of  the  young  officers  and  soldiers 
seemed  to  be  in  deep  concern.  I  was  willing  to  believe  that 
the  power  of  God  was  present,  if  a  wretch  so  poor  and  mis- 
erable can  be  the  instrument  of  good  to  souls.  Four  years 
have  I  been  in  the  ministry,  and  I  am  not  sure  that  I  have 
been  the  means  of  converting  four  souls  from  the  error  of 
their  waj^s ;  why  is  this  ?  The  fault  must  be  in  myself. 
Prayer  and  secret  duties  seem  to  be  where  I  fail ;  had  I 
more  power  in  intercession,  more  self-denial  in  persevering  in 
prayer,  it  would  be  no  doubt  better  for  my  hearers.  In  the 
afternoon  discoursed  much  to  the  poor  women,  from  the 
offering  up  of  Isaac,  of  God's  offering  his  Son ;  but  I  could 
not  keep  their  attention  at  all.  A  half-caste  man  who  was 
there  told  me  they  might  understand  every  word  I  used  ;  so 
I  know  not  what  to  do  with  them,  but  continue  to  teach  while 
the  Lord  sends  any  to  hear.  At  the  hospital  read  the  Saint's 
Rest ;  in  the  evening  had  much  freedom  in  exposition  and 
prayer  with  the  men,  and  affectionate  spiritual  conversation 
with  dear  Sabat. 

Dec.  29.  Tried  very  severely  to-day  by.indwelling  corrup- 
tion. Sin  is  a  body  of  death  to  my  soul ;  I  start  with  aston- 
ishment, that  I  can  think  without  tears  and  agony  of  sin, 
which  in  its  course  would  plunge  me  and  others  into  shame, 
misery,  and  everlasting  damnation.  "Keep  thy  servant,  0 
Lord,  from  presumptuous  sins ;"  I  walk  on  the  edge  of  a 
precipice.     Waken  my  soul  to  vigilance  and  circumspection, 


404  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1807. 

and  may  the  power  of  thy  Spirit  command  my  wicked  heart 
into  obedience  and  hoHness !  Oh  happy  those  souls  who  are 
gone  beyond  danger !  Oh  that  I  could  maintain  that  meek, 
and  resigned,  and  serious  frame  I  hope  to  have  in  my  dying 
hour! 

Dec.  31.  This  and  last  day,  conscience  more  pure,  and 
mind  at  peace.  What  encouragement  to  resist,  even  to  blood, 
striving  against  sin !  And  now  another  year  is  gone,  time 
carries  me  swiftly  on,  but  I  run  not  my  race  swiftly. 


1808.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  405 


CIIAPTEE    XVIII 


January  5,  1808.  Scarcely  do  I  remember  a  day  in  which 
my  corruptions  ever  rose  to  a  greater  height ;  showed  some 
evil  temper.  As  soon  as  I  walked  out,  I  happened  to  ob- 
serve fiom  the  top  of  the  fort  some  Brahmins  below  in  the 
Ganges,  pretending  to  be  absorbed  in  meditation.  I  felt  pro- 
voked at  the  sight;  but  instantly  the  thought  occurred,  if 
these  men,  in  the  worship  of  their  Devil,  are  so  exact  and 
careful,  why  do  not  those,  who  are  taught  to  know  the  true 
God,  meditate  on  him  ?  This  morning  I  found  no  corner  for 
prayer,  through  the  servants  having  made  the  breakfast-room 
my  bed-room,  and  so  I  had  begun  the  day  without  prayer, 
yet  here  were  some  Brahmins  not  ashamed  to  pray  before 
one  another,  and  undisturbed  by  the  multitude  of  other  breth- 
ren. I  retired  in  great  grief  and  shame,  and  had  not  a  stone 
to  cast  at  a  living  creature,  but  was  permitted,  notwithstand- 
ing my  deep  sense  of  guilt,  to  speak  with  some  earnestness 
to  God  while  walking. 

Jan.  11.  (Sunday.)  In  morning  prayer  found  great  fer- 
vency, and  desire  to  be  as  a  flame  of  fire  for  the  service  of 
God.  My  soul  panted  after  the  full  improvement  of  every 
moment  of  every  day.  Preached  on  Gen.  xii.  1-3,  the  call- 
ing of  Abraham.  In  the  afternoon,  the  women  few,  and  my 
spirit  depressed  at  seeing  them ;  at  the  end  of  the  remaining 
service,  I  found  a  pain  in  the  breast  for  the  first  time,  the 
consequence  of  over-speaking ;  felt  quite  spent  in  the  even- 
ing, but  went  to  bed  with  strong  desires  to  be  up  again  at  my 
work. 


406  '  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1808. 

January  18,  1803. 
Dear  Brother, 

Your  conversation  at  the was  curious,  and,  I  doubt 

not,  useful  to  tliem.  The  Lord  endue  his  servants  v;ith  a 
wisdom,  which  all  their  adversaries  shall  never  be  able,  &c. 
If  I  happen  to  go  to  any  place,  there  is  a  dumb  silence  on 
such  subjects ;  they  seem  to  be  afraid  to  open  their  mouths 
before  me  ;  perhaps  it  is  because  I  go  so  seldom  among  them, 
that  they  are  so  shy.  I  now  never  dine  out,  except  at  the 
General's,  once  in  three  months.  Their  dinner  hours  are  at 
night,  and  that  is  the  time  when  Sabat  reads  his  chapter  in 
English,  and  we  pray,  and  I  read  my  Persian  with  him  ;  all 
of  which  is  so  important  to  him  and  me,  that  I  feel  justified 
in  what  I  confess  my  inclination  inculcates — seclusion.  At 
one  family  where  I  called  this  week,  their  unkindness  amounted 
to  incivility.  On  coming  away,  my  pride  told  me  never  to 
enter  those  doors  again  ;  but  charity  heareth  long,  and  is  kind, 
so  I  shall  go  again.  You  do  not  mention  whether  the  pious 
Faqueer  has  been  baptized  yet — whether  Hindoo  or  Mussul- 
man. I  rejoice  to  bless  the  Lord  that  your  heart,  brother 
beloved,  is  so  much  toward  the  heathen.     I  am  in  amazement 

myself  that does  not  stir  himself  to  this  glorious  work. 

When  I  consider  how  much  greater  facilities  he  possesses 
than  yourself,  from  long  habits  of  study,  I  see  that  the  Lord 
has  chosen  you  to  this  honorable  post.  Let  us  pray  that  the 
Holy  Spirit  w^ould  endue  us  with  great  powers  in  the  acqui- 
sition of  the  languages ;  if  not  by  supernatural  gifts,  yet  by 
keeping  us  attentive  while  we  read,  and  give  us  strong  and 
retentive  memories :  may  he  make  our  spirits  fervent  in  this 
business  !  When  it  pleases  God  to  open  my  eyes  to  the  state 
of  the  heathen,  and  to  the  degree  of  good  one  might  do,  I 
start  at  my  past  slothfulness,  and  feel  excited  to  resolve  that 
not  a  moment  shall  be  lost  again* 

H.  Martyn. 

To  the  Rev.  D.  Cokrie 


1808.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  40T 

January  25,  1808. 
Dear  Brother, 

One  of  the  Hindoostanee  New  Testaments  will  soon  be 
ready ;  but  I  want  to  have  a  press  here,  for  the  delay  of 
having  everything  done  at  Serampore  is  insuJBferable,  There 
are  few  things  I  regret  more  than  not  having  learnt  how  to 
print.  Before  travelling  westward,  it  would  be  worth  while 
to  go  to  Calcutta  to  learn  this  noble  art,  in  order  to  teach  it 
wherever  Ave  go.  Yesterday  we  had  the  last  of  our  church. 
The  General  says,  I  must  only  read  the  praj^ers  for  the  future, 
as  the  men  cannot  be  kept  in  the  sun  for  more  than  half  an 
hour.  1  feel  at  a  loss  to  know  what  to  do ;  a  short  sermon 
I  must  give  them.  I  have  been  employed  in  writing  Europe 
letters  to and .  To  the  latter,  using  every  argu- 
ment to  draw  him  to  India  ;  advising  him  to  keep  his  fellow- 
ship, for  if  he  gets  married,  it  will  be  impossible  to  get  him 

out  of  England.     I  have  not  heard  from since,  I  know 

not  when,  but  I  am  greatly  concerned  that  he  does  not  give 
his  mind  to  the  languages*  What  an  awful  thought  may  it 
be  to  all  three  of  us  in  the  neighborhood  of  such  cities  as 
Patna,  Benares,  and  Moorshedabad,  that  thousands  are  perish- 
ing with  a  light  close  at  hand  !  But  while  we  are  seriously 
preparing,  and  conscientiously  redeeming  the  time  for  that 
purpose,  we  may  hope  to  be  free  from  blood-guiltiness.  Last 
Sunday  I  felt  greatly  fatigued  with  speaking,  and  for  the  first 
time  perceived  symptoms  of  injury,  by  pain  in  the  breast. 
Yesterday  it  returned  just  as  I  began  the  service^  and  I 
thought  it  impossible  I  should  go  through  all  the  service  of 
the  day,  but  the  Lord  helped  me.  Saturday  evening  I  was 
reading  the  ordination  services,  and  think  they  are  some  of 
the  most  affecting  things  I  ever  read.  What  men  of  God 
were  our  forefathers  !  Oh  may  1  learn  in  the  same  school ! 
The  Lord  bless  you,  brother  beloved,  through  Jesus  Christ. 

H.  Martyn, 
To  the  Rev.  D.  Corrie. 


40]  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1808. 

Feb.  8-12,  Received  letters  from  Mrs.  Y,  and  J.,  but  not 
feeling  such  delight  in  any  work  I  could  do  on  earth  as  here- 
tofore ;  our  days  hasten  to  an  end,  and  vanity^  is  stamped  on 
us  and  our  works ;  the  work  of  sanctification  is  the  chief 
thing.  Oh  that  my  soul  panted  after  higher  attainments  in 
that !  Continued  weariness  about  the  multitudes  in  Patna. 
Would  that  a  door  were  opened !  Oh,  if  one  is  opened,  that 
I  may  see  it !  I  feel  ashamed  to  live  in  such  ease  as  I  do ; 
and  were  it  not  that  duty  keeps  me  to  my  present  work  of 
translation,  I  should  gladly  become  a  poor  man,  to  mix  with 
the  lowest  of  the  people. 

Feb.  18.  My  birthday,  which  I  did  not  recollect  till  it  w^as 
past ;  this  day  I  completed  my  twenty-seventh  year,  the  body 
strong  and  healthy,  but  the  mind  childish.  What  a  burning 
and  shining  light  might  I  have  been  at  this  age,  had  I  been 
duly  careful  to  improve  all  the  great  advantages  I  have  met 
with  in  this  life  !  Yet,  praised  be  God  !  my  desires  and  hopes 
arc  strong  with  regard  to  my  future  usefulness  ;  I  think  I 
have  not  a  wish  to  number  any  more  mortal  years,  except  as 
they  are  employed  in  the  service  of  Christ. 

March  2.  Being  the  first  day  of  Lent,  I  endeavored  to 
pass  a  considerable  part  of  it  in  prayer  with  fasting,  and 
found,  I  trust,  the  presence  of  God,  yet  without  any  partic- 
ular fervor.  Only  the  heart  seemed  to  be  somewhat  softened, 
and  I  felt  willing  to  obey.  The  men  came  at  night.  At  the 
hospital  I  found  another  man  fearing  God,  who,  I  trust,  will 
join  us  boldly  when  he  comes  out  from  thence. 

March  4.  My  heart  at  various  times  filled  w^ith  a  sense  of 
divine  love,  frequently  in  prayer  was  blessed  in  the  bringing 
of  my  soul  near  to  God.  After  dinner  in  my  walk  found 
sweet  devotion  ;  and  the  ruling  thoughts  were,  that  true  hap- 
piness does  not  consist  in  the  gratifying  of  self  in  ease,  or 
individual  pleasure,  but  in  conformity  to  God,  in  obeying  and 
pleasing  him,  in  having  no  will  of  my  own,  in  not  being 


1808.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  409 

pleased  with  personal  advantages,  though  I  might  be  with- 
out guilt,  nor  in  being  displeased  that  the  flesh  is  mortified. 
Oh,  how  short-lived  will  this  triumph  be !  It  is  stretching- 
out  the  arm  at  full  length,  which  soon  grows  tired  of  its  own 
w^eight. 

March  15.  Called  on  Colonel  G.  of  the  67th,  to  request 
the  assistance  of  the  band,  to  which  he  assented,  but  with 
rather  an  ill  grace.  My  soul  sweetly  rejoiced  all  day,  at  the 
little  effect  the  slight  of  men  could  have  on  my  mind — 
"  Truly  a  stranger  interraeddleth  not  with  his  joy."  The 
more  I  felt  the  natural  man  hurt  at  want  of  outward  honor, 
the  more  sweetly  the  new  man  enjoyed  the  delights  of  God 
and  the  other  world. 

March  20.  Upon  the  whole  my  soul  seems  to  be  improv- 
ing ;  I  travel  up  hill ;  but  I  must  learn,  as  I  trust  I  am 
learning,  to  do  the  will  of  God  without  any  expectation  of 
any  present  pleasure  attending  it,  but  because  it  is  the  will 
of  God,  Oh  that  my  days  of  vanity  were  at  an  end,  and 
that  all  my  thoughts  and  conversation  might  have  that  deep 
tinsfe  of  seriousness,  which  becomes  a  soldier  of  the  cross  ! 

April  10.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  Matt.  xvi.  2G.  An 
awful  subject,  but  apparently  it  little  affected  the  people  ; 
T  felt  confounded,  as  I  generally  do  more  or  less,  at  the  hfe- 
less  manner  in  which  I  preach.  When  shall  my  soul  feel  ? 
Oh  when  shall  my  heart  burn  as  it  ought,  with  desire  to  save 
souls  ?  The  congregations  of  the  Hindoostanee  women,  and 
at  the  hospital,  were  large. 


DiNAPORE,  Bahar,  April  26,  1808. 

Dear  E , 

What  is  become  of  you  I  cannot  tell ;  and  lest  you  also 
should  forget  your  old  friend,  I  begin  with  specifying  accu- 
rately the  spot  where  I  am  to  be  found. 


4l0  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1808. 

I  hope,  however,  that  those  I  chiefly  value  continue  to 
remember  me  in  their  prayers,  as  I  do  them  without  ceasing. 
Without  this  method  of  binding  our  hearts  together,  we 
should  soon  be  as  those  who  had  never  met.  I  freely  ac- 
knowledge my  own  weakness.  The  new  scenes  I  have  wit- 
nessed these  last  three  years  have  made  so  strong  an  impres- 
sion, as  almost  to  efface  the  remembrance  of  England.  Even 
so  late  a  period  of  my  short  life  as  the  years  spent  at  Cam- 
bridge, seemed  to  have  passed  in  a  prior  state  of  existence  ; 
and  when  I  think  of  our  fellows  of  St.  John's,  they  flit  be- 
fore my  fancy,  li\te  the  varied  personages  of  the  camera  ob- 
scura.  Yet  there  is  nothing  that  would  gratify  me  more  than 
to  hear  of  them.  I  have  no  correspondent  at  Cambridge  but 
Mr.  Simeon,  who,  you  know,  has  not  much  to  do  at  St. 
John's. 

I  have  just  been  reading  over  all  the  letters  I  ever  received 
from  you,  and  cannot  help  expressing,  how  forcibly  I  am  now 
struck  with  the  sense  of  my  own  conceit  and  ignorance  in 
times  past,  and  of  your  unequalled  charity  and  forbearance. 
Oh,  my  dear  friend,  if  instead  of  blaming  your  faith,  I  had 
been  trying  to  follow  your  practice,  how  much  better  would 
it  have  been  for  me.  Continue  your  friendship  to  me,  a 
right  to  which  I  have  so  often  forfeited,  and  accept  one  more 
assurance  of  my  unalterable  attachment.  1  fear  I  shall  never 
again  see  your  face  in  the  flesh ;  every  day's  experience 
convinces  me,  that  with  the  power  I  shall  soon  possess  of 
making  known  the  gospel  in  two  such  large  countries  as  In- 
dia and  Persia,  I  should  never  be  able  to  live  with  a  quiet 
conscience  in  England. 

May  9 — 11.  Time  so  excessively  engaged  now,  that  I  have 
scarcely  time  to  write  my  journal.  Many  at  the  hospital 
require  my  attendance  every  day.  Sometimes  my  soul  tastes 
sweet  joy  in  God  ;  but  at  all  times  I  am  blessed  with  great 
cheerfulness  in  my  work ;  only  in  private  prayer,  the  over- 


1808.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  411 

whelming  power  of  the  heat  on  the  body  is  a  temptation  to 
give  way  to  weariness. 

May  12.  Calhng  on  different  people.  What  shall  I  think 
on  my  death-bed  of  all  these  opportunities  of  warning  sin- 
ners !  Oh,  may  the  Lord  seal  upon  my  soul  such  a  compas- 
sionate sense  of  their  danger,  that  I  may  never  have  a  heart 
to  talk  triflingly  with  them  !  Was  grieved  to  find  some  dis- 
cussions springing  up  among  my  men. 

June  4.  In  the  afternoon,  while  we  were  reading  the  24th 
of  Matthew,  there  was  an  earthquake.  Feeling  the  ground 
shake  under  me,  and  at  the  same  instant  some  of  the  plaster 
falHng  from  the  walls,  I  started  up.  The  earth  continued 
shaking,  and  the  doors  shook  to  and  fro.  Oh,  what  are  we 
before  God !  A  little  more  violence,  and  I  should  have  been 
buried  under  the  ruins.  Yea,  I,  and  all  my  poor  people 
here,  swallowed  up  !  Would  to  God  that  their  hearts  might 
be  shaken  by  the  Spirit  of  God,  through  this  awful 
phenomenon  ! 

June  11.  Rose  in  great  pain,  which  had  kept  me  awake 
most  of  the  night.  I  felt  also  that  I  was  a  poor  wretched 
creature,  very  low,  and  sunk  in  sin  and  misery.  Yet  found 
relief  in  prayer  by  considering,  that  Christ  came  to  seek  and 
save  even  the  lost.  In  the  evening  Mirza  came  to  say,  that 
he  could  stay  no  longer  in  my  service.  So  now  I  am  reduced 
to  a  disagreeable  predicament,  and  what  to  do  I  know  not. 
*•'  Cast  thy  burden  upon  the  Lord,  and  he  shall  sustain  thee." 

June  12.  (Sunday.)  Preached  on  Ephesians  ii.  18.  In 
the  afternoon  to  the  women  on  the  Parable  of  the  Unjust 
Steward.  Felt  so  ill  from  a  cold  affecting  my  head,  that  I 
hardly  knew  what  to  do  with  myself;  but  as  it  ceased  a  few 
minutes  before  the  men  came  at  night,  I  was  unexpectedly 
able  to  go  amongst  them,  and  preached  with  clearness  and 
freedom,  from  Rom.  iii.  20. 

June   15.  In  the  afternoon,  read  an  account  of  Turkey. 


412  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1808. 

The  bad  effects  of  the  book  Avere  so  great,  that  I  found  in- 
stant need  of  prayer,  and  I  do  not  know  when  I  have  had 
such  divine  and  animating  feelings.  Oh,  it  is  tliy  Spirit  that 
makes  me  pant  for  the  skies.  It  is  he  that  shall  make  me 
trample  the  world  and  my  lusts  beneath  my  feet,  and  urge 
my  onward  course  toward  the  crown  of  life.  But  at  night 
my  joy  was  succeeded  by  such  unconquerable  levity,  that  I 

could  not  command  myself  at  Mrs.  S 's,  (where  they  had 

but  a  small  and  sober  party  to  meet  me, )  sufficiently  to  make 
the  conversation  serious,  and  so  retired  in  great  shame. 

June  22 — 25.  The  days  when  I  watch  over  my  heart,  and 
remember  my  Lord  as  the  hours  pass  away,  have  been  very 
sweet ;  and  when  it  is  otherwise,  the  merest  trifle  discom- 
poses me.  One  day  with  Colonel  G.  I  had  rather  a  sharp 
conversation.  I  had  come  to  excuse  myself  from  an  invita- 
tion to  dine  at  the  mess  with  the  General.  I  also  mentioned, 
that  I  disliked  meeting  any  large  party  of  officers,  w'here  I 
was  sure  to  hear  so  much  swearing.  This  made  him  angry, 
he  said  his  mess  consisted  of  gentlemen. — "  Well,"  said  I,  "  I 
believe  you  are  a  gentleman  ;  yet  you  swear."  He  then  be- 
gan to  say,  there  was  no  harm  in  it ;  I  mentioned  the  third 
commandment ;  he  said  there  was  a  great  deal  of  nonsense 
like  that.  Such  contempt  of  the  Scriptures  moved  me  not  a 
little ;  but  when  I  was  about  to  go  on,  another  person 
came  in. 

July  31.  (Sunday.)  The  67th  did  not  attend  church,  be- 
cause they  had  a  field-day,  to  prepare  for  the  approach  of 
the  Commander-in-Chief.  Thus  the  Sabbaths  of  the  supreme 
God  are  made  to  give  way.  Why  do  they  not  prepare  for 
the  coming  of  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ  ?  At  night  preached  to 
the  men  on  "  So  run,  that  ye  may  obtain."  My  poor  weak 
body  has  been  reminding  me  of  its  decay  to-daj^  The  ser- 
vices much  fatigued  me.  But  the  exercise  of  my  mind  eats 
out  my  bodily  strength  most.     I  was  obliged  to  go  into  the 


1808.]  OF   THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  413 

garden  this  evening,  and  strive  to  shake  out  all  thoughts  of 
the  subject  on  which  I  was  afterwards  to  preach.  The  con- 
sideration of  my  decay  led  me  to  many  happy  and  consoling 
views  in  prayer,  as  I  could  rejoice  in  my  unchanging  friend. 

AtJGusT  22, 1808. 
My  dear  Sir, 

Your  next  letter  will,  I  hope,  mention  the  day  of  your 
leaving  Chunar.  I  have  been  looking  at  the  list  of  the  pas- 
sengers per  Preston,  with  almost  as  much  anxiety  as  yourself. 
The  arrival  of  your  sister  will  deprive  me  of  much  of  the  time 
you  would  otherwise  spend  with  me,  but  I  ought  to  rejoice 
in  all  that  would  add  to  your  comfort.  This  week  the  first 
proof-sheet  of  the  Persian  and  Hindoostanee  gospel  arrived. 
This  Aveek  the  Ganges  inundated  us  ;  all  communication  be- 
tween my  quarters  and  the  barracks  was  cut  off,  so  that  the 
men  could  not  come.  When  the  water  began  to  subside,  the 
smell  w\as  so  intolerable,  that  I  was  obliged  to  make  a  pre- 
cipitate retreat  to  Major  Stewart's.  During  my  absence,  a 
child  was  to  be  buried.  "  Well,"  said  the  Papists,  "  where 
is  Mr.  Martyn  ?"  "  If  I  were  the  god-father  of  that  child," 
said  one,  "  I  would  have  him  sent  to  the  right-about."  Thus, 
something  or  other  is  constantly  happening  to  try  one's  spirit. 
*'  In  the  multitude  of  my  thoughts  thy  comforts  delight  my 
soul." 

H.  Martyn. 

Rev.  D.  CoRRiE. 

Aug.  29 — Sept.  10.  Nothing  worth  noticing,  but  the  ar- 
rival of  my  dear  brother  Corrie,  from  Chunar.  On  the  Lord's 
day,  the  4th  of  September,  he  preached  for  me  ;  in  the  after- 
noon I  discoursed  to  a  few  women  on  Luke  xix.  10.  At 
night  he  preached  for  me  to  the  men,  on  2  Cor.  vi.  lY.  The 
rest  of  the   week  passed  agreeably  in  conversation  on  the 


414  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1808. 

kingdom  of  God,  and  in  prayer  together.  F.  at  all  times 
present.  On  the  night  of  the  10th,  under  a  depressing  sense 
of  my  own  want  of  spirituality,  I  passed  a  considerable  time 
in  prayer,  and  was  favored  with  near  approaches  to  the  bless- 
ed God. 

Oct.  1.  Passed  a  most  trymg  day  from  the  excessive  heat, 
without  strength  to  support  it.  Dear  F —  most  assiduous  in 
his  care  of  me,  especially  in  reading  to  me  ;  thus  even  in  this 
life  have  I  found  sons  and  brothers,  &c.,  according  to  the 
promise  of  the  Lord.  Yet  I  looked  back  at  times  with  fond 
regret  to  England,  and  contrasted  the  fresh  bracing  air  of  my 
native  land,  at  this  season,  with  the  stagnant  debilitating  at- 
mosphere of  this  sickening  climate.  My  expectation  of  much 
usefulness  to  the  church  was  very  low,  as  I  scarcely  believed 
it  possible  that  I  should  live  through  another  rainy  season. 

Oct.  2.  (Sunday.)  As  I  found  it  vain  to  attempt  to  go 
through  the  service  in  the  present  weak  and  sore  state  of  my 
lungs,  I  desired  the  order  for  divine  service  to  be  counter- 
manded. The  morning  of  the  sabbath  passed  alone,  yet 
with  some  sweet  enjoyment.  His  temporal  mercies  in  so  far 
restoring  my  health,  seemed  a  loud  call  to  praise,  and  the 
privilege  of  being  permitted  to  join  the  people  of  God,  though 
but  in  spirit,  in  general  intercession,  was  refreshing  to  my 
spirits.  In  the  evening  visited  the  hospital,  to  see  a  man 
who  had  sent  for  me,  and  found  him,  to  appearance,  evangeli- 
cally humbled.  At  night  preached  to  my  men,  on  Eph.  ii.  4, 
in  a  low  tone,  and  did  not  find  myself  the  worse  for  it. 

Oct.  4.  Went  on  to  Bankipore,  where  I  breakfasted,  but 
not  meeting  with  the  reception  which  I  expected,  I  altered 
my  resolution  of  staying,  and  went  back  immediately.  Hap- 
py that  I  have  a  friend  in  heaven,  who  can  never  be  unkind. 

Oct.  28.  Prayed  that  I  might  this  day  be  kept  from  my 
besetting  sins  of  vanity  and  levity,  but  I  did  not  strive  against 
them  as  I  ought ;  while  reading  the  second  chapter  of  the 


1808.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  415 

service  at  Mr.  G 's,  my  heart  seemed  to  love  Christ ;  but 

oh,  when  shall  I  walk  steadfastly  witli  him  ! 

November  1.  Enjoyed  much  peace  and  solemnity  all  the 
day.  Frequently  in  prayer ;  and  the  more  I  prayed,  the 
more  pleasant  prayer  became ;  but,  oh,  how  wonderful  that 
this  should  not  be  remembered  by  me,  to  stir  me  up  to  seek 
this  communion  with  God  !  what  is  it  that  infatuates  me  at 
other  times  ? 

Nov.  2.  While  lying  in  bed,  had  some  dreadful  sensations, 
as  if  I  was  given  up  by  God  to  destruction,  and  was  about 
to  lose  my  senses,  1  never  felt  Satan  so  near  ;  I  began  to 
pray  aloud,  as  a  dying  wretch  on  the  very  brink  of  ruin,  and 
pleaded  with  a  God  of  truth  his  own  declarations  and  pro- 
mises ;  thus  I  found  peace,  and  my  agitated  spirit  returned 
to  its  rest. 

Nov.  10.  Much  indisposition  and  irritability,  and  betrayed 
my  evil  temper  against  a  servant.  Alas  !  these  are  new  evils. 
Ease  and  opulence  bring  with  them  danger  to  the  soul ; 
where  is  that  poor  and  lowly  spirit,  which  I  ought  to  have, 
especially  in  dealing  with  the  natives  of  this  country,  who 
above  all  ought  to  be  treated  with  peculiar  tenderness  ?  My 
heart  was  stung  with  the  sense  of  ray  sin.  Oh  may  I  by  di- 
vine grace  attain  to  more  of  the  image  of  Christ !  Heard 
the  boys  at  the  school  read  the  1st  chapter  of  Genesis.  At 
the  hospital  was  much  affected  with  love  and  pity  towards  a 
poor  man,  deeply  humbled,  and  under  concern  for  his  soul. 
Never  did  I  with  such  confidence  speak  to  him  of  Christ ; 
but  he  could  not  immediately  lay  hold  on  the  hope  ;  he 
thought  something  was  to  be  done  by  himself. 

Nov.  22.  Almost  free  from  my  trials,  or  at  least  greatly 
strengthened  from  above,  to  cast  away  vile  thoughts  at  once 
without  parleying  with  them,  and  consequently  enjoyed 
much  of  the  divine  presence,  and  elevating  views  of  future 
glory.     At  night  ministered  to  my  men  with  great  delight 


41G  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1808. 

and  profit  to  my  own  soul,  from  Philippians  i.  May  the  pat- 
tern of  the  great  Apostle  be  always  before  me!  Let  me 
have  nought  to  do  on  earth  but  the  work  my  Lord  hath  ap- 
pointed me.  Were  it  not  for  that,  let  me  rather  desire  to 
die,  and  be  with  Christ,  which  is  far  better. 

Dec,  14.  Received  a  letter  from  Lydia,  which  renewed  my 
pain ;  though  it  contained  nothing  but  what  I  expected. 
Prayer  was  my  only  relief,  and  I  did  find  peace  by  casting 
my  care  on  God.  At  night  ministered  to  the  men  with  much 
freedom  and  life,  because  speaking  from  my  inmost  heart,  on 
Col.  iii.  2. 

Dec.  16,  17.  Writing  letters.  My  mind  somewhat  sor- 
rowful about  Lydia,  that  I  am  not  to  see  her  more  till  after 
death.  Had  some  sweet  reflections  on  my  little  connection 
with  the  world : 

J  all  on  earth  forsake, 
Its  wisdom,  fame,  and  power. 
And  him  my  only  portion  make. 
My  shield  and  tower. 

Dkcembkr  31,  1808. 
My  Dear  Sir, 

On  the  review  of  the  last  year,  I  give  praise  to  God  who 
hath  graciously  preserved  my  life,  notwithstanding  the  at- 
tacks which  threatened  its  destruction,  and  hath  prolonged 
it  to  another  year.  Every  day  he  gives  me,  I  account  gain, 
as  it  enables  me  to  advance  a  little  way  farther  in  the  work 
which  I  have  so  much  at  heart.  Oh  if  it  be  his  will  that  I 
should  live  to  finish  it,  how  happy  should  I  be  !  But  be 
knows  best.  To  him  I  leave  all ;  present  mercies  demand 
my  praise  ;  my  mercies  multiply  as  my  moments  ;  Oh  that 
my  praises  could  as  constantly  ascend  !  My  progress  in  di- 
vine things  has  not  been  sensible,  but  I  am  more  than  ever 
convinced  of  the  happiness  of  wisdom's  ways. 
The  llev.  D.  Corrcr. 


1809.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  417 

March  27, 1809. 
My  expected  removal  has  given  a  new  turn  to  my  thoughts, 
and  produced  a  Httle  dejection.  It  has  always  happened 
hitherto,  that  whenever  I  have  begun  to  feel  an  attachment 
to  places,  persons,  or  things,  of  a  merely  temporary  nature, 
I  have  been  carried  away  from  them.  Amen !  May  I  live 
as  a  stranger  and  pilgrim  upon  the  earth !  May  we  be 
brought  to  that  better  country,  where  painful  changes  are 
known  no  more  !     Every  blessing  attend  you  ! 

H.  Martyn. 
To  the  Rev.  D.  Corrie. 

September  4,  1S09. 
My  dear  Sir, 

Go  on  with  the  church,  and,  perhaps  by  the  time  it  is 
built,  some  brother  from  Cambridge  will  join  us.  I  am  rather 
surprised,  that  now  the  ice  is  broken,  others  are  not  already 
come.  Captain  R.  has  sent  me  several  letters  from  Calcutta, 
all  very  pleasing  as  far  as  a  judgment  can  be  formed  by  man  ; 
there  is  no  reason  to  doubt  of  him.  The  conviction  of  my 
own  ignorance  on  all  points  is  gaining  on  me  so  fast,  that  I 
am  become  a  skeptic  on  all  subjects  except  the  word  of  God. 
One  good  effect  I  trust  may  be  produced,  that  of  my  being 
kept  from  rash  censures.  The  three  weeks  I  was  on  the 
water,  and  this  last  week,  I  have  been  speculating  incessant- 
ly, without  gaining  one  particle  of  knowledge.  I  cannot 
find  out,  by  what  magic  language  conveys  ideas,  and  while 
I  remain  in  this  radical  ignorance,  I  feel  that  I  shall  never  be 
able  to  relish  any  human  compositions.  The  same  cause 
does  not  operate  to  make  me  disrelish  the  word  of  God,  be- 
cause what  I  have  learned  from  that  is  satisfying,  which 
nothing  else  in  the  w^orld  is  ;  and  also  because  I  perceive  su- 
perlative wisdom  in  the  little  I  have  yet  been  able  to  under- 
stand of  the  language  of  the  Old  Testament.     Capt.  and 

Mrs.  H arrived  on  Saturday,  and  dined  with  me  on  that 

18* 


418  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1809. 

day  and  yesterday.  In  a  note  he  sent  after  he  went  away, 
he  says,  "  I  have  left  you  with  warmer  senthnents  of  reU- 
gion,  and  with  more  confirmed  resolutions  for  the  future 
practice  of  it." 

H.  Martyn. 
The  Rev.  D.  Corrie. 

September  23,  1809.  Finding  that  writing  in  Latin  or 
Greek,*  (which  I  resorted  to  for  secrecy, X  leaves  my  journal 
an  insio-nificant  detail,  for  want  of  being  able  to  express  my- 
self as  I  wish,  I  return  to  the  English.  I  continue  occasion- 
ally to  look  towards  the  Hebrew,  but  not  with  the  eagerness 
I  once  did  ;  want  of  success  damps  my  ardor. 

Oct.  16.  One  day  this  week,  dining  at ,  I  had  a  stiff 

dispute  with ,  an  elderly  man.  It  began  by  my  rebuk- 
ing him  for  swearing.  Instead  of  taking  it  as  they  usually 
do,  he  kindled,  and  used  some  harsh  language  and  harsher 
looks.  But  I  was  not  in  the  smallest  degree  disconcerted, 
but  persisted  that  I  had  done  my  duty.  He  then  went  on 
to  ridicule  the  Scriptures,  declaring  his  contempt  of  Chris- 
tianity, i.  e.  the  story  and  theory  of  the  business,  as  he  ex- 
pressed it.  We  were  happily  at  opposite  corners  of  the 
table,  so  that  the  discussion,  which  lasted  a  long  while,  was 
a  sermon  to  all  present ;  though  he  never  allowed  me  to 
finish  a  sentence  fairly,  I  got  out  enough  to  make  me  pleased 
that  the  thing  had  taken  place.  He  w^as  continually  with- 
drawing, couching  his  wish  for  time  under  the  mask  of 
respect  for  my  profession,  but  I  would  not  allow  him.  "  No," 
I  said,  "  I  provoke  discussion.  Many  here,  perhaps,  are  as 
infidel  as  yourself.  Let  us  hear  what  can  be  said  against  the 
prophet  Jonah  and  the  whale."  The  conception  of  our  Lord, 
and  the  Song  of  Solomon,  were  the  chief  objects  of  his  at- 

*  From  the  24th  of  January  to  the  24th  September,  1809,  Mr.  Martyn'a 
Journal  was  written  in  Latin  or  Greek 


1809.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  419 

tack.  I  could  not  get  to  say  one  twentieth  part  of  what  I 
wished,  but  still  it  was  better  than  nothing.  The  ice  being 
broken,  I  went  on  to  tell  the  company  present  how  shameful 
it  w^as  to  defile  their  mouths  with  the  allusions  which  I  had 
heard,  but  would  not  notice  before. 

Oct.  23.  Dined  at  the  Brigade  Major's,  with  the  chief 
persons  of  the  station.  I  could  gain  no  attention  while  saying 
grace ;  and  the  moment  the  ladies  withdrew,  the  conversation 
took  such  a  turn,  that  I  was  obliged  to^make  a  hasty  retreat ; 
oh,  the  mercy  to  have  escaped  their  evil  ways  ! 

Cawnpoke,  October  23,  1809. 
Dearest  Sir, 

Your  letter  of  the  13th  is  just  come  to  hand.  Dear  Mrs. 
Brown  !  by  this  time  she  has  received  the  melancholy  intelli- 
gence. But  oh  !  the  God  whom  she  serves  will  comfort  her. 
He  will  enable  her  to  submit,  without  repining,  to  the  severest 
dispensations ;  and  though  she  is  now  in  heaviness,  with  the 
rest  of  the  church  of  God,  through  manifold  afflictions,  her 
faith  thus  tried  by  fire,  shall  be  found  unto  praise,  and  honor, 
and  glory,  at  the  appearing  of  Jesus  Christ.  It  is  the  Lord  ; 
let  this  silence  every  murmur.  Charge  her  to  cherish  her 
precious  life  ;  not  for  her  family  only,  but  the  church  in 
India.  You  are  essential  to  us,  and  she  to  you.  She  must 
live  therefore,  and  must  for  the  general  good  dismiss  all 
earth-born  woes,  ere  they  prey  on  the  little  remnant  of  her 
strength.  *  %  .  *  *  *  * 

Your's,  ever  affectionately 

H.  Martyn. 

To  the  Rev.  D.  Brown,  Calcutta. 

November  5.  (Sunday.)  Preached  to  the  dragoons  on 
the  parable  of  the  Prodigal  Son,  at  sun-rise  ;  at  ten  o'clock 
at  head-quarters,  on  Elijah  and  the  prophets  of  Baal :  several 


420  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1810. 

ladies  were  present,  but  few  else.  Received  letters  from 
Colonel  S.  whicii  filled  my  soul  witli  wonder,  love,  and  praise. 
Oh,  what  hath  God  wrought !  Oh,  how  shall  I  praise  him  ! 
and  those  dear  friends,  too,  whom  he  hath  given  to  be  our 
companions  in  immortahty  and  glory.  Oh,  how  I  could  clasp 
tliem  to  my  heart,  especially .  Oh,  what  an  encourage- 
ment have  we  to  pray  more  and  more !  0  may  his  kingdom 
come !     Amen.     Amen. 

Nov.  19.  (Sunday.)  Preached  at  sun-rise  to  the  dragoons, 
on  John  i.  lY.  "The  law  was  given  by  Moses."  At  eleven 
at  head-quarters,  on  Rom.  iii.  19.  Received  a  letter  from 
My.  Simeon,  mentioning  S— -'s  illness  ;  consumption  has  seized 
her,  as  it  did  my  mother  and  sister,  and  will  carry  her  off,  as 
it  did  them  ;  and  now  I  am  the  only  one  left.  Oh,  my  dear 
— ,  though  I  know  you  are  well  prepared,  how  does  nature 
bleed  at  the  thought  of  a  beloved  sister's  drooping  and 
dying !  Yet  still  to  see  those  whom  I  love  go  before  me, 
without  so  much  as  a  doubt  of  their  going  to  glory,  will,  I 
hope,  soothe  my  sorrow.  How  soon  shall  I  follow  ?  I  know 
it  must  be  soon.  The  paleness  and  fatigue  I  exhibit  after 
every  season  of  preaching,  show  plainly  that  death  is  settled 
in  my  lungs. 

January  1,  1810.  Nothing  important  has  ocemTed  this 
last  yeai-,  but  my  removal  to  Cawnpore,  and  the  commence- 
ment of  my  ministry,  as  I  hope  it  may  be  called,  among  the 
Gentiles.  This,  with  ray  endeavors  to  instruct  the  servants, 
has  been  blessed  by  the  Lord,  to  the  improvement  of  my 
temper  and  behavior  towards  them,  as  I  hope  that  I  am  more 
patient  with  them  than  before,  though  I  have,  alas  !  vei-y 
much  still  to  reproach  myself  with  on  this  head.  This  whole 
year  also,  I  have  been  more  or  less  engaged  in  investigating 
the  nature  of  language,  with  little  further  benefit  as  yet,  than 
being  enabled  by  it  often  to  select  the  most  proper  words, 
even  of  tlio&e  I  never  saw  before. 


1810.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  421 

January  1,  1810. 
A  change  of  date,  that  calls  for  serious  thought.  Another 
year  gone,  dear  brother.  How  soon  the  tale  will  be  told ! 
May  every  succeeding  year  find  us  increasingly  laborious  and 
holy,  so  that  when  time  shall  be  no  more,  and  rolling  years 
shall  cease  to  move,  we  may  rest,  as  faithful  servants  of  our 
Lord,  who  have  done  their  work  !  Well,  but  now  for  my 
congregation  of  the  poor,  the  blind,  the  maimed,  and  the 
lame.  I  went  without  fear,  trusting  to  myself  and  not  to  the 
Lord,  and  accordingly  I  was  put  to  shame  ;  that  is,  I  did  not 
read  half  as  well  as  the  preceding  days.  I  shuffled  and 
stammered,  and  indeed  I  am  persuaded,  that  there  were 
many  sentences  the  poor  things  did  not  imderstand  at  all.  I 
spoke  of  the  dry  land,  rivers,  &c.  ;  here  I  mentioned  Gunga, 
(Ganges)  "  a  good  river ;"  but  there  were  others  as  good. 
God  loves  Hindoos,  but  does  he  not  love  others  also  ?  He 
gave  them  a  good  river,  but  to  others  as  good.  All  are  alike 
before  God."  This  was  received  with  applause.  On  the 
work  of  the  fourth  day,  "  Thus  sun  and  moon  are  lamps. 
Shall  I  worship  a  candle  in  my  hand  ?  As  a  candle  in  the 
house,  so  is  the  sun  in  the  sky."  Applause  from  the 
Mahomedans.  There  were  also  hisses;  but  whether  thesft 
betokened  displeasure  against  me,  or  the  worship  of  the  sun, 
I  do  not  know.  I  then  charged  them  to  worship  Gunga  and 
sun  and  moon  no  more,  but  the  honor  they  used  to  give  to 
them  henceforward  to  give  to  God  their  Maker.  Who  knows 
but  even  this  was  a  blow  struck,  at  least  a  branch  lopped 
from  the  tree  of  heathenism  ?  The  number  was  about  550. 
You  need  not  be  deterred,  dear  brother,  if  this  simple  way  of 
teaching  do  any  good. 

H.  Martyn. 

To  the  Rev.  D.  Corrie. 

Jan.  18.   (Sunday.)     My  birth-day;    to-day  I  completed 
my  twenty-ninth  year:  how  much  had^  D.  Brainerd  done  at 


422  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1810. 

this  time  of  life  !  I  once  used  to  flatter  myself  when  reading 
his  life,  that  when  entering  my  thirtieth  year,  I  might  have 
the  happiness  of  seeing  an  Indian  congregation  of  saints  won 
to  the  gospel  through  my  preaching.  Alas !  how  far  is  this 
frum  being  the  case  ;  scarcely  even  an  European  can  I  fix 
upon  as  having  been  awakened  under  my  ministry  since 
coming  here. 

March  4.  (Sunday.)  Sermon  both  at  the  General's  and 
to  the  artillery,  on  the  parable  of  the  prodigal ;  my  own 
heart  was  affected  with  the  love  of  God,  and  the  people  of 
both  congregations  were  visibly  affected  too.  After  all,  the 
rod  of  God's  strength  is  the  simple  preaching  of  Jesus  Christ. 
Preached  to  the  natives  in  the  afternoon. 

March  23.  A  letter  from  Mr.  Simeon  brought  me  the 
news  of  my  dear  sister's  death,  an  event  I  have  long  looked 
upon  as  certain,  yet  it  affected  me  much,  very  solemnly  and 
tenderly ;  she  was  my  dear  counsellor  and  guide  for  a  long- 
time in  the  Christian  way,  and  she  has  finished  her  own  jour- 
ney very  happily.  My  soul,  through  grace,  shall  pursue  the 
same  path,  till  I  meet  her  again  in  heaven.  Oh,  this  vain 
world  !  what  is  there  now  in  this  howling  wilderness  to  charm 
me  ?  I  have  not  a  relation  left,  to  whom  I  feel  bound  by  the 
ties  of  Christian  fellowship;  and  I  am  resolved  to  form  no 
new  connection  of  a  worldly  nature,  so  that  I  may  hencefor- 
ward hope  to  live  entirely  as  a  man  of  another  world. 

CAWNroRE,  March  30, 1810. 
Since  you  kindly  bid  me,  my  beloved  friend,  consider  you 
in  the  place  of  that  dear  sister,  whom  it  has  pleased  God  in 
his  wisdom  to  take  from  me,  I  gratefully  accept  the  offer  of 
a  correspondence,  which  it  has  ever  been  the  anxious  wish  of 
my  heart  to  establish.  Your  kindness  is  the  more  accepta- 
ble, because  it  is  shown  in  the  day  of  affliction.  Though  I 
had  heard  of  my  dearest  sister's  illness  some  months  before 


1810.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  423 

I  received  the  account  of  her  death,  and  thongli  tlie  nature 
of  her  disorder  was  such  as  left  me  not  a  ray  of  hope,  so 
that  I  was  mercifully  prepared  for  the  event ;  still  the  cer- 
tainty of  it  fills  me  with  anguish.  It  is  not  that  she  has  left 
me,  for  I  never  expected  to  see  her  more  on  earth.  I  have 
no  doubt  of  meeting  her  in  heaven,  but  I  cannot  bear  to  think 
of  the  pangs  of  dissolution  she  underw^ent,  which  have  been 
unfortunately  detailed  to  me  with  too  much  particularity. 
Would  that  I  had  never  heard  them,  or  could  effixce  them 
from  my  remembrance !  But  oh,  may  I  learn  what  the  Lord 
is  teaching  me  by  these  repeated  strokes  !  May  I  learn  meek- 
ness and  resignation!  May  the  world  always  appear  as  vain 
as  it  does  now,  and  my  continuance  in  it  as  short  and  uncer- 
tain !  How  frightful  is  the  desolation  which  death  makes ! 
and  how  appalling  his  visits,  when  he  enters  one's  family  !  I 
would  rather  never  have  been  born,  than  be  born  and  die, 
were  it  not  for  Jesus,  the  prince  of  life,  the  resurrection  and 
the  life.  How  inexpressibly  precious  is  this  Saviour,  when 
eternity  seems  near !  I  hope  often  to  communicate  with  you 
on  these  subjects,  and  in  return  for  your  kind  and  consolatory 
letters,  to  send  you  from  time  to  time  accounts  of  myself  and 
my  proceedings.  Through  you,  I  can  hear  of  all  my  friends 
in  the  west.  When  I  fiist  heard  of  the  loss  I  was  likely  to 
suffer,  and  began  to  reflect  on  my  own  friendless  situation, 
you  were  much  in  my  thoughts,  whether  you  would  be  silent 
on  this  occasion  or  no  ?  whether  you  would  persist  in  your 
resolution  ?  Friends  indeed  I  have,  and  brethren,  blessed  be 
God  !  but  two  brothers  cannot  supply  the  place  of  one  sister. 
When  month  after  month  passed  away,  and  no  letter  came 
from  you,  I  almost  abandoned  the  hope  of  ever  hearing  from 
you  again.  It  only  remained  to  wait  the  result  of  my  last 
application  through  Emma.  You  have  kindly  anticipated  my 
request,  and  I  need  scarcely  add,  are  more  endeared  to  mo 
than  ever. 


424  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1810. 

Of  your  illness,  my  dearest  Lydia,  I  had  beard  nothing, 
and  it  was  well  for  me  that  I  did  not. 

Your's,  ever  affectionately, 

H.  Martyn. 

To  Miss  L.  Grenfell. 

Cawnpore,  April  16, 1810. 

Dearest  Sir, 

*  #  *  # 

*  *  #  # 

18.  I  do  not  know  whether  I  may  venture  to  tell  you  that 
I  have  a  pain  in  my  breast,  occasioned,  I  fear,  from  over- ex- 
ertion of  my  lungs  on  the  Sundays ;  the  Sunday  before  last 
it  made  its  first  appearance,  and  I  was  tolerably  careful  the 
whole  Aveek.  Last  Sunday  it  came  on  again  at  night,  and  I 
was  -obliged  to  leave  my  men  in  the  midst.  To-day  (Wed- 
nesday) it  is  not  gone.  Such  a  symptom  in  my  constitution 
is  alarming ;  but  let  me  assure  you  that  in  future  I  will  be  as 
careful  as  possible,  if  it  be  not  too  late.  I  do  not  know 
whether  it  is  really  a  love  to  my  work,  or  only  the  love  of 
life  ;  but  I  should  be  more  contented  to  depart  if  I  had 
finished  the  translation  of  the  Epistles.  The  will  of  our  God 
be  done  !  Pray  for  me.  Prayer  lengthened  Hezekiah's  life  ; 
perhaps  it  may  mine. 

Your's,  ever  affectionately, 

H.  Martyn. 
To  the  Rev.  D.  Brown. 

April  1 8.  Major  F called  ;  I  determined  to  be  more 

careful ;  but  short  as  the  conversation  was,  it  hurt  me.  These 
symptoms  are  alarming  in  such  a  consumptive  constitution  as 
mine ;  yet  why  shall  I  say  alarming,  if  my  time  is  come  in 
the  will  of  God  ?  At  the  apprehended  approaches  of  death, 
my  guilt  and  neglects  rise  to  view,  and  make  me  often  un- 
happy ;  but  though  cast  down,  I  am  not  dismayed. 


1810.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  425 

Cawnpore,  April  19,  1810. 

I  begin  my  correspondence  with  my  beloved  Lydia,  not 
without  a  fear  of  its  being  soon  to  end.  Shall  I  venture  to 
tell  you,  that  our  family  complaint  has  again  made  its  appear- 
ance in  me,  with  more  unpleasant  symptoms  than  it  has  ever 
yet  done  ?  However,  God,  who  two  years  ago  redeemed  my 
life  from  destruction,  may  again,  for  his  church's  sake,  inter- 
pose for  my  deliverance.  Though,  alas  !  what  am  I,  that  my 
place  should  not  instantly  be  supplied  with  far  more  efficient 
instruments  ?  The  symptoms  I  mentioned  are  chiefly  a  pain 
in  the  chest,  occasioned,  I  suppose,  by  over-exertion  the  two 
last  Sundays,  and  incapacitating  me  at  present  from  all  public 
duty,  and  even  from  conversation.  You  were  mistaken  in 
supposing  that  my  former  illness  originated  from  study. 
Study  never  makes  me  ill — scarcely  ever  fatigues  me — but 
my  lungs  !  death  is  seated  there  ;  it  is  speaking  that  kills  me. 
May  it  give  others  life.  "  Death  worketh  in  us,  but  life  in 
you."  Nature  intended  me,  as  I  should  judge  from  the 
structure  of  my  frame,  for  chamber- counsel,  not  for  a  pleader 
at  the  bar.  But  the  call  of  Jesus  Christ  bids  me  cry  aloud, 
and  spare  not.  As  his  minister,  I  am  a  debtor  both  to  the 
Greek  and  the  Barbarian.  How  can  I  be  silent  when  I  have 
both  ever  before  me,  and  my  debt  not  paid  ?  You  would 
suggest  that  enei'gies  more  restrained  will  eventually  be  more 
efficient.  I  am  aware  of  this,  and  mean  to  act  upon  this 
principle  in  future,  if  the  resolution  is  not  formed  too  late. 
But  you  know  how  apt  we  are  to  outstep  the  bounds  of  pru- 
dence, when  there  is  no  kind  monitor  at  hand  to  warn  us  of 
the  consequences. 

Had  I  been  favored  with  the  one  I  wanted,  I  might  not 
now  have  had  occasion  to  mourn.  You  smile  at  my  allusion  ; 
at  least  I  hope  so,  for  I  am  hardly  in  earnest.  I  have  long 
since  ceased  to  repine  at  the  decree,  that  keeps  us  as  far 
asunder  as  the  east  is  from  the  west ;  and  yet  am  far  from 


426  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1810. 

regretting  that  I  ever  knew  you.  The  remembrance  of  you 
calls  forth  the  exercise  of  delightful  affections,  and  has  kept 
me  from  many  a  snare.  How  wise  and  good  is  our  God,  in 
all  his  dealings  with  his  children !  Had  I  yielded  to  the 
suggestions  of  flesh  and  blood,  and  remained  in  England  as  I 
should  have  done,  without  the  effectual  working  of  his  power 
I  should  without  doubt  have  sunk  with  my  sisters  into  an 
early  grave.  Whereas  here,  to  say  the  least,  I  may  live  a  few 
years,  so  as  to  accomplish  a  very  important  work.  His  keep- 
ing you  from  me,  appears  also,  at  this  season  of  bodily  in- 
^^  firmity,  to  be  an  occasion  of  thankfulness.  Death,  I  think, 
would  be  a  less  welcome  visitor  to  me,  if  he  came  to  take  me 
from  a  wife,  and  that  wife  were  you.  Now  if  I  die,  I  die  un- 
noticed, involving  none  in  calamit3^  Oh  that  I  could  trust 
him  for  all  that  is  to  come,  and  love  him  with  that  perfect 
love,  which  casteth  out  fear !  for  to  say  the  truth,  my  confi- 
dence is  sometimes  shaken.  To  appear  before  the  Judge  of 
quick  and  dead  is  a  much  more  awful  thought  in  sickness 
than  in  health.  Yet  I  dare  not  doubt  the  all-sufficiency  of 
Jesus  Christ;  nor  can  I,  with  the  utmost  ingenuity  of  unbe- 
lief, resist  the  reasonings  of  St.  Paul,  all  whose  reasons  seem 
to  be  drawn  up  on  purpose  to  v/ork  into  the  mind  the  per- 
suasion, that  God  will  glorify  himself  by  the  salvation  of  sin- 
ners through  Jesus  Christ.  I  wish  I  could  more  enter  into 
the  meaning  of  this  "  chosen  vessel."  He  seems  to  move  in 
a  world  by  himself,  and  sometimes  to  utter  the  unspeakable 
words,  such  as  my  natural  understanding  discerneth  not ;  and 
when  I  turn  to  commentators,  I  find  that  I  have  passed  out 
of  the  spiritual,  to  the  material  world,  and  have  got  amongst 
men  like  myself.  But  soon,  as  he  says,  we  shall  no  longer 
see  as  in  a  glass,  by  reflected  rays,  but  see  as  we  are  seen, 
and  know  as  we  are  known. 

April  25.  After   another   interval,    I   resume    my    pen. 
Through  the  mercy  of  God  I  am  again  quite  well ;  but  my 


1810.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  42T 

mind  is  a  good  deal  distressed  at  Sabat's  conduct.  I  forbear 
writing'  what  I  think,  in  the  hope  that  my  fears  may  prove 
groundless  ;  but  indeed  the  children  of  the  East  are  adepts 
in  deceit.  Their  duplicity  appears  to  me  so  disgusting  at 
this  moment,  that  I  can  only  find  relief  from  my  growing 
misanthropy  by  remembering  Him,  who  is  the  faithful  and 
true  witness  ;  in  whom  all  the  promises  of  God  are  yea  and 
amen  ;  and  by  turning  to  the  faithful  in  Europe — children 
that  will  not  lie.     Where  shall  we  find  sincerity  in  a  native 

of  the  East  ?  Yesterday  I  dined  in  a  private  way  with . 

After  one  year's  inspection  of  me,  they  begin  to  lose  their 
dread,  and  venture  to  invite  me.  Our  conversation  was  oc- 
casionally religious,  but  topics  of  this  nature  are  so  new  to 
fashionable  people,  and  those  upon  which  they  have  thought 
so  much  less  than  on  any  other,  that  often  from  the  shame  of 
having  nothing  to  say,  they  pass  to  other  subjects,  where 
they  can  be  more  at  home.  I  was  asked  after  dinner  if  I 
liked  music.  On  my  professing  to  be  an  admirer  of  harmony, 
cantos  were  performed  and  songs  sung.  After  a  time  I  in- 
quired if  they  had  no  sacred  music.  It  was  now  recollected, 
that  they  had  some  of  Handel's,  but  it  could  not  be  found. 
A  promise  however  was  made,  that  next  time  I  came,  it  should 
be  produced.  Instead  of  it,  the  14oth  Psalm-tune  was  played, 
but  none  of  the  ladies  could  recollect  enough  of  the  tune  to 
sing  it.  I  observed,  that  all  our  talents  and  powers  should 
be  consecrated  to  the  service  of  Him  who  gave  them.  To 
this  no  reply  was  made ;  but  the  reproof  was  felt.  I  asked 
the  lady  of  the  house,  if  she  read  poetry,  and  then  proceeded 
to  mention  Cowper,  whose  poems  it  seems  were  in  the  library  ; 
but  the  lady  had  never  heard  of  the  book.  This  was  pro- 
duced, and  I  read  some  passages.  Poor  people !  here  a 
little,  and  there  a  Uttle,  is  a  rule  to  be  observed  in  speaking 
to  them. 

April  26.  From  speaking  to  my  men  last  night,  and  agair 


428  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1810. 

to-day  conversing  long  with  some  natives,  my  chest  is  again 
in  pain,  so  much  that  I  can  hardly  speak.  Well !  now  I  am 
taught,  and  will  take  more  care  in  future.  My  sheet  being 
full,  I  must  bid  you  adieu.  The  Lord  ever  bless  and  keep 
you  !     Believe  me  to  be  with  the  truest  affection. 

Yours  ever,  H.  Martyn. 

April  29.  (Sunday.)  Preached  to  the  artillery  half  an 
hour  before  sunrise,  on  Acts  xx.  21.  To  spare  my  chest,  I 
spoke  low  and  deliberately,  in  consequence  of  which  there 
was  more  solemnity,  and  my  heart  was  affected.  Afterwards 
at  the  General's,  on  Matt.  xi.  28.  I  could  do  no  more  ;  for 
what  with  reading  the  baptismal  service  twice,  and  a  funeral, 
I  could  neither  speak  to  the  fakirs  nor  to  my  men  at  night. 

Cawnpore,  June  11,  1810. 
Dearest  Sir, 

The  excessive  heat,  by  depriving  me  of  my  rest  at  night, 
keeps  me  between  sleeping  and  waking  all  day.  This  is  one 
I'eason,  why  I  have  been  remiss  in  answering  your  letters. 
It  must  not  however  be  concealed,  that  the  man  Daniel 
Corrie  has  kept  me  so  long  talking  that  I  have  had  no  time 
for  writing  since  his  arrival. 

Your  idea  about  presenting  splendid  copies  of  the  Scrip- 
tures to  native  great  men  has  often  struck  me  ;  but  ray 
counsel  is,  not  to  do  it  with  the  first  edition.  I  have  too 
little  faith  in  the  instruments,  to  believe  that  the  first  editions 
will  be  excellent ;  and  if  they  should  be  found  defective,  we 
cannot,  after  once  presenting  the  great  men  with  one  book, 
repeat  the  thing. 

Before  the  second  edition  of  the  Arabic,  what  say  you  to 
ray  carrying  the  first  with  me  to  Arabia,  having  under  the  other 
arm  the  Persian  to  be  examined  at  Shiraz  or  Tehran  ?  By 
the  time  they  are  both  ready  I  shall  have  nearly  finished  my 
seven  years,  and  may  go  on  furlough. 


1810.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  429 

I  am  glad  to  find  you  promising  to  give  yourself  wholly  to 
your  plans.  I  always  tremble,  lest  Mrs.  Brown  should  order 
you  home  ;  but  I  must  not  suspect  her ;  she  has  the  soul  of 
a  missionary.  If  you  go  soon,  we  shall  all  droop  and  die. 
Your  Polyglot  speculations  are  fine  ;  but  Polyglots  are  biblical 
luxuries,  intended  for  the  gratification  of  men  of  two  tongues 
or  more.  We  must  first  feed  those  that  have  but  one, 
especially  as  single  tongues  are  growing  upon  us  so  fast. 

June  12.  To-day  I  have  requested  the  Conamander  of  the 
forces  to  detain  D.  Corrie  here  to  assist  me  ;  he  said  he  did 
not  like  to  make  innovations,  but  would  keep  him  here  for 
two  or  three  months.  This  will  be  a  great  relief  to  my 
laboring  chest,  for  I  am  still  far  from  being  out  of  the  fear  of 
consumption.     Tell  me  that  you  have  prayed  for  me. 

Your's,  &c.  H.  M. 

To  the  Rev.  D.  Brown. 

Cawnpore,  Aug.  1-1,  1810. 
With  what  delight  do  I  sit  down  to  begin  a  letter  to  my 
beloved  Lydia !  Yours  of  the  5tli  of  February,  which  I 
received  a  few  days  ago,  was  written,  I  perceive,  in  consider- 
able embarrassment.  You  thought  it  possible  it  might  find 
me  married,  or  about  to  be  so.  Let  me  begin  therefore,  with 
assuring  you  with  more  truth  than  Gehazi  did  his  master, 
"  Thy  servant  went  no  whither :"  my  heart  has  not  strayed 
from  Marazion,  or  Gurlyn,  or  wherever  you  are.  Five  long 
years  have  passed,  and  I  am  still  faithful.  Happy  would  it 
be,  if  I  could  say  that  I  had  been  equally  true  to  my  profes- 
sion of  love  for  Him  who  is  fairer  than  ten  thousand,  and 
altogether  lovely.  Yet  to  the  praise  of  his  grace  let  me 
recollect,  that  twice  five  years  have  passed  aw^ay,  since  I 
began  to  know  him,  and  I  am  still  not  gone  from  him.  On 
the  contrar}^  time  and  experience  have  endeared  the  Lord  to 
me  more  and  more,  so  that  I  feel  less  inclination,  and  see 


480  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1810. 

less  reason  for  leaving   him.     What  is  there,  alas  !    in  the 
world,  were  it  even  everlasting  ? 

I  rejoice  at  the  accounts  you  give  me  of  your  continued 
^ood  health  and  labors  of  love.  Though  you  are  not  so  use- 
fully employed  as  you  might  be  in  India,  yet  as  that  must 
not  be,  I  contemplate  with  delight  your  exertions  at  the  other 
end  of  the  woi-ld.  May  you  be  instrumental  in  bringing 
many  sons  and  daughters  to  glory  !  What  is  become  of  St. 
Hilary,  and  its  fairy  scenes  ?  When  I  think  of  Malachy,  and 
the  old  man,  and  your  sister,  and  Josepha,  &c.,  how  some  are 
dead,  and  the  rest  are  dispersed,  and  their  place  occupied  by 
strangers,  it  seems  all  like  a  dream. 

I  do  not  know  whether  you  understand  how  we  go  on.  I 
must  endeavor  to  give  you  a  clearer  idea  of  it. 

We  all  live  here  in  bungalows,  or  thatched  houses,  on  a 
piece  of  ground  enclosed.  Next  to  mine  is  the  church,  not 
yet  opened  for  public  worship  ;  but  which  we  make  use  of  at 
night  with  the  men  of  the  53rd.  Corrie  lives  with  me,  and 
Miss  Corrie  with  the  Sherwoods.  We  usually  rise  at  day- 
break, and  breakfast  at  six.  Immediately  after  breakfast  we 
pray  together,  after  which  I  translate  into  Arabic  with  Sabat, 
who  lives  in  a  small  bungalow  on  my  ground.  We  dine  at 
twelve,  and  sit  recreating  ourselves  with  talking  a  little  about 
dear  friends  in  England.  In  the  afternoon,  I  translate  with 
Mirza  Fitrut  into  Hindoostanee,  and  Corrie  employs  himself 
in  teaching  some  native  Christian  boys,  whom  he  is  educating 
with  great  care,  in  hopes  of  their  being  fit  for  the  office  of 
catechist.  I  have  also  a  school  on  my  premises,  for  natives  ; 
but  it  is  not  well  attended.  There  are  not  above  sixteen 
Hindoo  boys  in  it  at  present ;  half  of  them  read  the  book  of 
Genesis.  At  sunset  we  ride  or  drive,  and  then  meet  at  the 
church,  where  we  often  raise  the  song  of  praise,  with  as  much 
joy,  through  the  grace  and  presence  of  our  Lord,  as  you  do 
in  England.     At  ten  we  are  all  asleep.     Thus  we  go  on.     To 


1810.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  431 

the  hardships  of  missionaries,  we  are  strangers ;  yet  not 
averse,  I  trust,  to  encounter  them,  when  we  are  called.  My 
work  at  present  is  evidently  to  translate ;  hereafter  I  may 
itinerate.  Dear  Corrie,  I  fear,  never  will ;  he  always  suffers 
from  moving  about  in  the  day-time.  But  I  should  have  said 
something  about  my  health,  as  I  find  my  death  was  reported 
at  Cambridge.  I  thank  God,  I  am  perfectly  well,  though 
not  very  strong  in  my  lungs  ;  they  do  not  seem  affected  yet, 
but  I  cannot  speak  long  without  uneasiness.  From  the  nature 
of  my  complaint,  if  it  deserves  the  name,  it  is  evident  that 
England  is  the  last  place  I  should  go  to.  I  should  go  home 
only  to  find  a  grave.  How  shall  I  therefore  ever  see  you 
more  on  this  side  of  eternity  ?  Well !  be  it  so,  since  such  is 
the  will  of  God  :  we  shall  meet,  through  grace,  in  the  realms 
of  bhss. 

I  am  truly  sorry  to  see  my  paper  fail.  Write  as  often  as 
possible,  every  three  months  at  least.  Tell  me  where  you  go, 
and  whom  you  see,  and  what  you  read. 

iVth.  I  am  sorry  to  conclude  with  saying,  that  my  yester- 
day's boasted  health  proved  a  mistake  ;  I  was  seized  Avith 
violent  sickness  in  the  night,  but  to-day  am  better.  Continue 
to  pray  for  me,  and  believe  me  to  be 

Your  ever  affectionate, 

H.  Martyn. 

Cawnpoee,  August  17,  1810. 

My  Dear  G , 

I  rejoice  exceedingly  in  your  kind  remembrance  of  me,  but 
above  all  that  you  stand  fast  in  the  Lord,  and  are  still  pressing 
towards  the  mark,  for  the  prize  of  the  high  calling  of  God  in 
Christ  Jesus.  The  sickness  and  faintness,  in  which  I  was 
obliged  to  conclude  the  inclosed  letter,  are  now  nearly  re- 
moved ;  but  I  am  resolved  to  quit,  for  a  while,  my  native 
assistants,  mere    exhausters   of   my  strength,  and  recreate 


432  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1810. 

mj'self  on  the  river — though,  alas  !  it  will  be  no  recreation  to 
me — for  I  am  never  so  miserable  as  when  idle.  This  last 
sliort  sickness  has,  I  trust,  been  blessed  much  to  me.  I 
sought  not  immediately  for  consolations,  but  for  grace,  pa- 
tiently to  endure  and  to  glory  in  tribulation  ;  in  this  way  I 
found  peace.  Oh  this  surely  is  bliss,  to  have  our  will  ab- 
sorbed in  the  divine  will.  In  this  state  are  the  spirits  of  just 
men  made  perfect  in  heaven.  The  spread  of  the  gospel  in 
these  parts  is  now  become  an  interesting  subject  to  you — 
such  is  the  universal  change.  I  have  not  much  to  say  about 
it.  All  the  English  missionaries  and  chaplains  confine  their 
attention  almost  exclusively  to  the  translation  of  the  scrip- 
tures, this  appearing  at  present  the  first  thing  to  be  done. 
To  preach  so  as  to  be  understood,  is  no  easy  matter  ;  nor 
even  to  translate. 

H.  Martyn. 

Cawnpore,  August  22,  1810. 
Dearest  Sir, 

Shall  I  come  down,  or  shall  I  not  ?  I  have  an  aversion 
to  Calcutta,  with  all  the  talking  and  preaching  to  which  I 
shall  be  tempted  there ;  yet  you  insist  upon  it ;  and  sooner 
or  later  I  must  pass  through  it  to  the  sea,  or  I  shall  be  bu- 
ried there. 

We  hope  to  be  on  the  river  in  a  day  or  two ;  not  to  go  far 
from  Cawnpore.  On  Sunday  I  preached  twice,  and  have 
hardly  recovered  my  breath  yet.  I  want  silence  and  diver- 
sion, a  little  dog  to  play  with  ;  or  what  would  be  best  of  all, 
a  dear  little  chhd,  such  as  Fanny  was  when  I  left  her. 
Perhaps  you  could  learn,  when  the  ships  usually  sail  for 
Mocha.  I  have  set  my  heart  upon  going  there  ;  I  could  be 
there  and  back  in  six  months. 

H.  Martyn. 
To  the  Rev.  David  Brown,  Calcutta. 


1810.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  438 

From  THE  Ganges,  October  6,  1810. 
My  Dearest  Lydia, 

Though  I  have  had  no  letter  from  you  very  lately,  nor 
have  anything  particular  to  say,  yet  having  been  days  on  the 
water  without  a  person  to  speak  to,  tired  also  with  reading 
and  thinking,  I  mean  to  indulge  myself  with  a  little  of  what 
is  always  agreeable  to  me,  and  sometimes  good  for  me ;  for 
as  my  affection  for  you  has  something  sacred  in  it,  being- 
founded  on,  or  at  least  cemented  by,  an  union  of  spirit  in  the 
Lord  Jesus  ;  so  my  separation  also  from  you  produced  a 
deadness  to  the  world,  at  least  for  a  time,  which  leaves  a 
solemn  impression  as  often  as  I  think  of  it.  Add  to  this, 
that  as  I  must  not  indulge  the  hope  of  ever  seeing  you  again 
in  this  world,  I  cannot  think  of  you  without  thinking  also  of 
that  world  where  we  shall  meet.  You  mention  in  one  of 
your  letters  my  coming  to  England,  as  that  which  may  even- 
tually prove  a  duty.  You  ought  to  have  added,  that  in  case 
I  do  come,  you  will  consider  it  a  duty  not  to  let  me  come 
away  again  without  you.  But  I  am  not  likely  to  put  you  to 
the  trial.  Useless  as  I  am  here,  I  often  think  I  should  be 
still  more  so  at  home.  Though  my  voice  fails  me,  I  can 
translate  and  converse.  At  home  I  should  be  nothing  with- 
out being  able  to  lift  up  my  voice  on  high.  I  have  just  left 
my  station,  Cawnpore,  in  order  to  be  silent  six  months.  I 
have  no  cough,  nor  any  sign  of  consumption,  except  that 
reading  prayers,  or  preaching,  or  a  slight  cold,  brings  on 
pain  in  the  chest.  I  am  advised,  therefore,  to  recruit  my 
strength  by  rest.  So  I  am  come  forth,  with  my  face  to- 
wards Calcutta,  with  an  ulterior  view  to  the  sea. 

I  think  of  having  my  portrait  taken  in  Calcutta,  as  I  pro- 
mised Mr.  Simeon  five  years  ago.  Sabat's  picture  would 
also  be  a  curiosity.  Yesterday  I  carried  Colonel  Wood  to 
dine  with  me,  at  the  Nabob  Bahir  All's.  Sabat  was  there. 
The  Colonel,  who  had  been  reading  by  the  way  the  account 
19 


434  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1811. 

of  his  conversion,  in  the  Asiatic  and  East  Society  Report, 
which  I  had  given  him,  eyed  him  vrith  no  great  complacency, 
and  observed  in  French,  that  Sabat  might  not  understand 
him,  "  II  a  I'air  d'un  sauvage."  Sabat's  comitenance  is  in- 
deed terrible ;  noble  when  he  is  pleased,  but  with  the  look 
of  an  assassin  when  he  is  out  of  humor. 

Nov.  5.  Calcutta.  Arrived  the  last  day  in  October. 
Constant  conversation  with  dear  friends  here  has  brought  on 
the  pain  in  the  chest  again,  so  that  I  do  not  attempt  to 
preach.  In  two  or  three  weeks  I  shall  embark  for  the  Gulf 
of  Persia,  where,  if  I  live,  I  shall  solace  myself  in  my  hours 
of  sohtude,  with  writing  to  you. 

Farewell,  beloved  friend  ;  pray  for  rae,  as  you  do,  I  am 
sure  ;  and  doubt  not  of  an  unceasing  interest  in  the  heart  and 
prayers  of  your  ever  affectionate, 

H.  Martyn. 

January  1,  1811.  The  weakness  which  has  come  upon 
me  in  the  course  of  the  last  year,  if  it  should  not  give  an 
entire  new  turn  to  my  life,  is  likely  to  be  productive  of  events 
in  the  course  of  the  present  year,  which  I  little  expected,  or 
at  least  did  not  expect  so  soon.  I  now  pass  from  India  to 
Arabia,  not  knowing  what  things  shall  befal  me  there ;  but 
assured  that  an  ever  faithful  God  and  Saviour  will  be  with 
me  in  all  places  whithersoever  I  go.  May  he  guide  and  pro- 
tect me !  and  after  prospering  me  in  the  thing  whereunto  I 
go,  bring  me  back  again  to  my  delightful  work  in  India !  It 
would  be  a  painful  thought  indeed  to  suppose  myself  about 
to  return  no  more.  Having  succeeded,  apparently,  through 
his  blessing,  in  the  Hindoostanee  New  Testament,  I  feel 
much  encouraged,  and  could  wish  to  be  spared  in  order  to 
finish  the  Bible. 


1811.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  435 

At  sea,  Coast  of  Malabar,  Feb.  3,  1811. 
The   last  letter  I  wrote  to  you,  my  dearest  Lydia,  was 
dated  November  1810.     I  continued  in  Calcutta  to  the  end 
of  the  year,  preaching  once  a  week,  and  reading  the  word  in 
some  happy  little    companies,  with  whom  I  enjoyed   that 
sweet  communion,  which  all  in  this  vale  of  tears  have  reason 
to  be  thankful  for,  but  especially  those  whose  lot  is  cast  in  a 
heathen  land.     On  New-year's  day  at  Mr.  Brown's  urgent 
request,  I  preached  a  sermon  for  the  Bible  Society,  recom- 
mending an  immediate  attention  to  the  state  of  the  native 
Christians.     At  the  time  I  left  Calcutta  they  talked  of  form- 
ing an  auxiliary  society.     Leaving   Calcutta  was  so  much 
like  leaving  England,  that  I  went  on  board  my  boat  without 
giving  them  notice,  and  so  escaped  the  pain  of  bidding  them 
farcAvell.     The  group  is  rather  interesting,  and  I  am  happy 
to  say  not  averse  to  religious  instruction ;  I  mean  the  Euro- 
peans.    As  for  the  Asiatics,  they  are,  in  language,  customs, 
and  religion,  as  far  Temoved  from  us,  as  if  they  were  inhabit- 
ants of  another  planet.     I  speak  a  little  Arabic  sometimes  to 
the  sailors ;  but  their  contempt  of  the  gospel,  and  attach- 
ment to  their  own  snj)erstition,  make  their  conversion  appear 
impossible.     How  stupendous  that  power,  which  can  make 
these  people  the  followers  of  the  Lamb,  when  they  so  nearly 
resemble  Satan  in  pride  and  wickedness  !     The  first  part  of 
the  voyage  I  was  without  employment,  and  almost  without 
thought,  suffering  as  usual  so  much  from  sea-sickness,  that  I 
had  not  spirits  to  do  anything  but  sit  upon   the  poop,  sur- 
veying the  wide  waste  of  waters  blue.     This  continued  all 
down  the  bay  of  Bengal.     At  length  in  the  neighborhood  of 
Ceylon  we  found  smooth  water,  and  came  to  and  anchor  off 
Columbo,  the  principal  station  in  the  island.     The  captain, 
having  proposed  to  his  passengers  that  they  should  go  ashore 
and  refresh  themselves   with  a  walk  in  the  Cinnamon  gar- 
dens, Mr.  E.  and  myself  availed  ourselves  of  the  offer,  and 


436  JOURNAL  AND  LETTERS         [1811. 

went  off  to  inhale  the  cinnamon  breeze.  The  walk  was  de- 
lightful. The  huts  of  the  natives,  Avho  are  (in  that  neigh- 
borhood, at  least)  most  of  them  Protestants,  are  built  in 
thick  groves  of  cocoanut-tree,  with  openings  here  and  there, 
discovering  the  sea.  Everything  bore  the  appearance  of 
contentment.  I  contemplated  them  with  delight,  and  was 
almost  glad  that  I  could  not  speak  with  them,  lest  further 
acquaintance  should  have  dissipated  the  pleasing  ideas  their 
appearance  gave  birth  to.  In  the  gardens  I  cut  off  a  piece 
of  the  bark  for  you.  It  will  not  be  so  fragrant  as  that  which 
is  properly  prepared ;  but  it  will  not  have  lost  its  fine  smell, 
I  hope,  when  it  reaches  you. 

At  Captain  R.'s,  the  Chief  Secretary  to  Government,  we 
met  a  good  part  of  the  European  society  of  Columbo.  The 
party  was  like  most  mixed  parties  in  England,  where  much 
is  said  that  need  not  be  remembered.  The  next  day  we 
stretched  across  the  gulf  of  Manaan  and  soon  came  in  sight 
of  Cape  Comorin,  the  great  promontory  of  India.  At  a  dis- 
tance the  green  waves  seemed  to  wash  the  foot  of  the  moun- 
tain ;  but  on  a  nearer  approach  little  churches  were  seen, 
apparently  on  the  beach,  with  a  row  of  little  huts  on  each 
side.     Was  it  these  maritime  situations,  that  recalled  to  my 

mind  Perran  church  and  town  in  the  way  to ;  or  that 

my  thoughts  wander  too  often  on  the  beach  to  the  east  of 

T ?     You  do  not  tell  me,  whether  you  ever  walk  there, 

and  imagine  the  billows  that  break  at  your  feet,  to  have 
made  their  way  from  India.  But  why  should  I  wish  to 
know  ?  Had  I  observed  silence  on  that  day  and  thencefor- 
ward, I  should  have  spared  you  much  trouble,  and  myself 
much  pain.  Yet  I  am  far  from  regretting  that  I  spoke; 
since  I  am  persuaded  that  all  things  will  work  together  for 
good.  I  sometimes  try  to  put  such  a  number  of  things  to- 
gether, as  shall  produce  the  greatest  happiness  possible,  and 
I  find,  that  even  in  imagination  I  cannot  satisfy  myself.     I 


1811.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  437 

set  myself  to  see  what  is  that "  Good  for  the  sons  of  men, 
which  they  should  do  under  heaven  all  the  days  of  their 
life,"  and  I  find  that  paradise  is  not  here.  Many  things  are 
delightful,  some  things  are  almost  all  one  could  wish  ;  but 
yet  in  all  beauty  there  is  deformity  ;  in  the  most  perfect 
something  is  wanting,  and  there  is  no  hope  of  its  ever  being 
otherwise,  "  That  which  is  crooked  cannot  be  made  straight, 
and  that  which  is  wanting  cannot  be  numbered."  So  that 
the  expectation  of  happiness  on  earth  seems  chimerical  to  the 
last  degree.  In  my  schemes  of  happiness  I  place  myself  of 
course  with  you,  blessed  with  great  success  in  the  ministry, 
and  seeing  all  India  turning  to  the  Lord.  Yet  it  is  evident, 
that  Avith  these  joys  there  would  be  mingled  many  sorrows. 
The  care  of  all  the  churches  was  a  burden  to  the  mighty 
mind  of  St.  Paul.  As  for  what  we  should  be  together,  I 
judge  of  it  from  our  friends.  Are  they  quite  beyond  the 
vexations  of  common  life?  I  think  not — still  I  do  not  say 
that  it  is  a  question,  whether  they  gained  or  lost  by  marry- 
ing. Their  affections  will  live  when  ours  (I  should  rather 
say  mine)  are  dead.  Perhaps  it  may  not  be  the  effect  of 
celibacy  ;  but  I  certainly  begin  to  feel  a  wonderful  indiffer- 
ence to  all  but  myself.  From  seldom  seeing  a  creature  that 
cares  for  me,  and  never  one  that  depends  at  all  upon  me,  I 
begin  to  look  round  upon  men  with  reciprocal  apathy.  It 
sometimes  calls  itself  deadness  to  the  world,  but  I  much 
fear,  that  it  is  deadness  of  heart.  I  am  exempt  from  worldly 
cares  myself,  and  therefore  do  not  feel  for  others.  Having 
got  out  of  the  stream  into  still  water,  I  go  round  and  round 
in  my  own  little  circle.  This  supposed  deterioration  you  will 
ascribe  to  my  humility  ;  therefore  I  add,  that  Mr.  Brown 
could  not  help  remarking  the  difference  between  what  I  am 
and  what  I  was,  and  observed,  on  seeing  my  picture,  which 
was  taken  at  Calcutta  for  Mr.  Simeon,  and  is  thought  a  strik- 
ing likeness,  that  it  was  not  Martyn  that  arrived  in  India,  but 


438  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1811. 

Martyn  the  recluse.  10.  To-day  my  affections  seem  to  have 
revived  a  httle.  I  have  been  often  deceived  in  times  past,' 
and  erroneously  called  animal  spirits,  joy  in  the  Holy  Ghost. 
Yet  I  trust  that  I  can  say  with  truth,  "  To  them  who  believe, 
He  is  precious  !"  "  Yes,  Thou  art  precious  to  my  soul,  my 
transport  and  my  trust."  No  thought  now  is  so  sweet,  as 
that  which  those  words  suggest — "  In  Christ^  Our  desti- 
nies thus  inseparably  united  with  those  of  the  Son  of  God  ! 
What  is  too  great  to  be  expected  ?  all  things  are  yours,  for 
ye  are  Christ's  !  We  may  ask  what  we  will,  and  it  shall  be 
given  to  us.  Now,  why  do  I  ever  lose  sight  of  him  !  or  fan- 
cy myself  without  him,  or  try  to  do  anything  without  him  ? 
Break  off  a  branch  from  a  tree,  and  how  long  will  it  be  before 
it  withers  ?  To-day,  my  beloved  sister,  I  rejoice  in  you  be- 
fore the  Lord  ;  I  rejoice  in  you  as  a  member  of  the  mystic 
body ;  I  pray  that  your  prayers  for  one  who  is  unworthy  of 
your  remembrance  may  be  heard,  and  bring  down  tenfold 
blessings  on  yourself.  How  good  is  the  Lord  in  giving  me 
grace  to  rejoice  with  his  chosen,  all  over  the  earth  !  even 
■with  those,  who  are  at  this  moment  going  up  with  the  voice 
of  joy  and  praise,  to  tread  his  courts  and  sing  his  praise. 
There  is  not  an  object  about  me  but  is  depressing.  Yet  my 
heart  expands  with  delight  at  the  presence  of  a  gracious 
God,  and  the  assurance  that  my  separation  from  his  people 
is  only  temporary.  On  the  7th  we  landed  at  Goa,  the  capi- 
tal of  the  Portuguese  possessions  in  the  east.  I  reckoned 
much  on  my  visit  to  Goa,  expecting  from  its  being  the  resi- 
dence of  the  Archbishop  and  many  ecclesiastics,  that  I  should 
obtain  such  information  about  the  Christians  in  India,  as 
would  render  it  superfluous  to  make  inquiries  elsewhere ;  but 
I  was  much  disappointed.  Perhaps  it  was  owing  to  our  be- 
ing accompanied  by  several  officers,  English  and  Portuguese, 
that  the  Archbishop  and  his  principal  agents  would  not  be 
seen ;  but  so  it  was,  that  I  scarcely  met  with  a  man  who 


1811.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  439 

could  make  himself  intelligible.  We  are  shown  what  stran- 
gers usually  see,  the  churches  and  monasteries,  but  I  wanted 
to  contemplate  man,  the  only  thing  on  earth  almost  that 
possesses  any  interest  for  me.  I  beheld  the  stupendous 
magnificence  of  their  noble  churches  without  emotion,  except 
to  regret  that  the  gospel  was  not  preached  in  them.  In  one 
of  the  monasteries  we  saw  the  tomb  of  Francis  Xavier,  the 
Apostle  of  India,  most  richly  ornamented,  as  well  as  the 
room  in  which  it  stands,  with  paintings  and  figures  in  bronze, 
done  in  Italy.  The  Friar,  who  showed  us  the  tomb,  hap- 
pening to  speak  of  the  grace  of  God  in  the  heart,  without 
which — said  he,  as  he  held  the  sacramental  wafer — the  body 
of  Christ  profits  nothing ;  I  began  a  conversation  with  him, 
which  however  came  to  nothing. 

We  visited  among  many  other  places  the  convent  of  Nuns. 
After  a  long  altercation  with  the  lady  porter,  we  were  ad- 
mitted to  the  ante-chamber,  in  which  was  the  grate,  a  window 
with  iron  bars,  behind  which  the  poor  prisoners  make  their 
appearance.  While  my  companions  were  purchasing  their 
trinkets,  I  was  employed  in  examining  their  countenances, 
which  I  did  with  great  attention.  In  w^hat  possible  way, 
thought  I,  can  you  support  existence  if  you  do  not  find  your 
happiness  in  God  ?  They  all  looked  ill  and  discontented — 
those,  at  least,  whose  countenances  expressed  anything. 

18.-  (Bombay.)  Thus  far  I  am  brought  in  safety.  On  this 
day  I  complete  my  30th  year.  "  Here  I  raise  my  Ebenezer ; 
Hither  by  thy  help  I'm  come."  27.  It  is  sweet  to  reflect, 
that  we  shall  at  last  reach  our  home,  I  am  here  amongst 
men  who  are  indeed  aliens  to  the  commonwealth  of  Israel, 
and  without  God  in  the  world.  I  hear  many  of  those 
amongst  whom  I  live  bring  idle  objections  against  religion, 
such  as  I  have  answered  a  hundred  times.  How  insensible 
are  men  of  the  world  to  all  that  God  is  doing  !  How  uncon- 
scious of  his  purposes  concerning  his  church !     How  incapa- 


440  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1811. 

ble,  seemingl}^  of  comprehending  the  existence  of  it !  I  feel 
the  meaning  of  St.  Paul's  words — "Hath  abounded  toward 
us  in  all  wisdom  and  prudence,  having  made  known  to  us  the 
mystery  of  his  will,  that  he  would  gather  in  one  all  things  in 
Christ."  Well !  let  us  bless  the  Lord—"  All  thy  children 
shall  be  taught  of  the  Lord,  and  great  shall  be  the  peace  of 
thy  chidren." 

Farewell,  my  beloved  Lydia,  and  believe  me  to  be 

Ever  your's  most  affectionately, 

H.  Martyn. 

GoA,  February  8,  1811. 
Dearest  Sir, 

All  down  the  Bay  of  Bengal  I  suffered  so  much  from  sea- 
sickness, that  I  had  not  spirits  to  prepare  a  letter  for  you. 
This  is  the  reason  you  did  not  hear  from  Ceylon,  We  did 
not  touch  at  Point  de  Galle,  but  passed  on  to  Columbo,  where 
we  arrived  on  the  2 2d.  Mr.  Elphinstone  and  myself  went 
ashore  to  refresh  ourselves  with  a  walk  in  the  cinnamon- 
garden.  In  our  way  thither  I  did  not  forget,  you  may  be 
sure,  to  inquire  whether  the  vine  flourished  and  the  pome- 
granate budded  ;  but  I  was  disappointed  in  not  meeting  with 
any  who  could  give  me  the  information  I  wanted.  Mr.  Twis- 
tleton  was  not  at  home,  and  General  Maitland  was  ill  at  Mount 
Lavinia.  From  our  Cingalese  guide,  who  spoke  English  very 
well,  Mr.  E.  was  endeavoring  to  learn  something  about  Boodh 
and  his  temples.  "  Sir,"  said  the  man,  "  I  am  a  Christian, 
a  Protestant,  and  do  not  worship  stocks  and  stones."  My 
heart  bounded  at  hearing  this ;  I  got  nearer,  and  began  to 
question  the  sable  brother  touching  the  common  faith.  He 
did  not,  however,  seem  to  know  much,  or  to  have  felt  as  I 
Loped  he  had. 

This  place  has  most  miserably  disappointed  me.  I  did  not 
care  about  churches  or  convents ;  but  1  did  expect  to  find 


1811.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  441 

men,  bishops  and  archbishops,  learned  friars  and  scowhng  in- 
quisitors; but  Goa,  as  I  had  imagined  it,  does  not  exist. 
Wherever  we  went,  a  black  padre  was  deputed  to  show  us 
the  church,  and  if  a  white  one  appeared,  it  was  only  to  show 
his  ignorance.  At  the  Inquisition  we  were  just  admitted 
within  the  gates,  and  that  was  all.  I  entreated  the  padre  to 
let  us  see  the  hall ;  but  no — no  Englishman  now  was  allowed 
to  go  there. 

H.  Martyn. 

Feb.  17.  (Sunday.)  A  tempestuous  sea  putting  us  all  in 
disorder,  we  had  no  service ;  for  myself,  having  had  two 
nights'  rest  broken  from  the  same  cause,  I  was  fit  for  nothing 
during  the  forenoon ;  in  the  afternoon,  I  had  an  affecting  sea- 
son in  prayer,  in  which  I  was  shown  something  of  my  sinful- 
ness. How  desperate  were  my  case  without  grace  !  and  how 
impossible  to  hope  even  now,  without  such  strong  and  re- 
peated assurances  on  God's  part  of  his  wilhngness  to  save  ! 
Indeed,  it  is  nothing  but  his  Spirit's  power,  that  enables  me 
to  believe  at  all  the  things  that  are  freely  given  us  of  God. 
I  feel  happy  when  reading,  that  the  enjoyments  of  heaven 
consist  so  much  in  adoration  of  God.  This  is  as  my  heart 
would  have  it.  I  would  that  all  should  adore,  but  especially 
that  I  myself  should  lie  prostrate.  As  for  self,  contemptible 
self,  I  feel  myself  saying,  let  it  be  forgotten  forever ;  hence- 
forth let  Christ  Hve,  let  Christ  reign,  let  Him  be  glorified 
forever. 

Feb.  18.  Came  to  anchor  at  Bombay.  This  day  I  finish 
the  30th  year  of  my  unprofitable  life,  an  age  in  which  Brainerd 
had  finished  his  course.  He  gained  about  a  hundred  savages 
to  the  gospel ;  I  can  scarcely  number  the  twentieth  part.  If 
I  cannot  act,  and  rejoice,  and  love  with  the  ardor  some  did, 
oh  let  me  at  least  be  holy,  and  sober,  and  wise ! 
19* 


442  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1811. 

February  26,  1811. 
1  write  just  now  because  I  am  in  your  neighboihood,  and 
must  say  a  last  farewell  before  I  lose  sight  of  your  country 

and  mine — ill-fated  India,  as calls  it.     I  long  to  be  with 

you  again  at  Cawnpore  for  many  reasons.  Peacefully  preach- 
ing the  word  of  life  to  a  people  daily  edified,  is  the  nearest 
approach  to  heaven  below.  But  to  move  from  place  to  place, 
hurried  away  without  having  time  to  do  good,  is  vexatious  to 
the  spirit,  as  well  as  harassing  to  the  body.  The  sea,  too,  I 
loath.  Under  the  pressure  of  sea-sickness  I  resolved,  that  if 
ever  I  got  back  safe  to  India,  it  should  not  be  a  trifle  that 
should  move  me  from  it  again.  We  had  prayer  in  the  cabin 
every  night,  with  all  the  passengers.  About  the  end  of  tlie 
Aveek  we  sail,  if  God  will,  for  the  Gulf.  Had  I  been  a  little 
sooner,  Sir  J.  0.  might  have  taken  me  in  the  Lion  man-of- 
war  ;  but  what  is  clearly  the  appointment  of  Providence  I 
do  not  repine  at.  I  went  aboard  my  ship  to-da}^,  the  Mer- 
cury. There  are  no  accommodations  for  passengers,  but  I 
am  to  have  part  of  the  Captain's  cabin.  Though  most  of  the 
crew  are  Europeans,  twelve  artillery-men  are  to  be  sent  to 
help  to  work  the  guns,  and  another  cruiser  with  like  comple- 
ment is  to  accompany  her,  and  a  third  is  to  follow ;  so  strong 
and  desperate  are  these  pestilent  Ishmaelites  !  Hearing  last 
Saturday,  that  some  sons  of  Belial,  members  of  the  Bapre 
hunt,  intended  to  have  a  great  race  the  following  day,  I  in- 
formed Mr. ,  at  whose  house  I  was  staying,  and  recom- 
mended the  interference  of  the  secular  arm.  He  accordingly 
sent  to  forbid  it.  The  messengers  of  the  Bapre  hunt  were 
exceedingly  exasperated ;  some  came  to  church  expecting  to 
hear  a  sermon  against  hunting ;  but  I  merely  preached  to 
them  on  "  the  one  thing  needful."  Finding  nothing  to  lay 
hold  of,  they  had  the  race  on  Monday,  and  ran  Bi/pocrite 
against  Martha  and  Mary.  And  now,  dearest  brother,  may 
God  abundantly  bless  you  in  your  work,  and  in  your  own 


1811.]  OF   THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  443 

soul ;  keep  you  in  health   and  strength,  that  if  it  be  his  will, 
we  may  have  the  comfort  of  meeting  once  more  below ! 

H.  Martyn. 
To  the  Rev.  D.  Corrie. 

March  1.  Called  on  Sir  J.  Mackintosh,*  and  found  his 
conversation,  as  it  is  generally  said  to  be,  very  instructive  and 
entertaining.  He  thought,  that  the  world  would  soon  be 
Europeanized,  in  order  that  the  gospel  might  spread  over  the 
world.  He  observed  that  caste  was  broken  down  in  Egypt, 
and  the  oriental  world  made  Greek,  by  the  successors  of 
Alexander,  in  order  to  make  way  for  the  religion  of  Christ. 
He  thought  that  little  was  to  be  apprehended,  and  little 
hoped  for,  from  the  exertions  of  missionaries.  Dined  at 
Farish's  with  a  party  of  some  very  amiable  and  well-behaved 
young  men.  What  a  remarkable  difference  between  the  old 
inhabitants  of  India,  and  the  new  comers !  This  is  owing  to 
the  number  of  religious  families  in  England. 

Muscat,  April  22,  1811. 
My  Dearest  Lydia, 

I  am  now  in  Arabia  Felix ;  to  judge  from  the  aspect  of 
the  country,  it  has  little  pretensions  to  the  name,  unless 
burning  barren  rocks  convey  an  idea  of  felicity  ;  but  perhaps, 
as  there  is  a  promise  in  reserve  for  the  sons  of  Joktan,  their 
land  may  one  day  be  blest  indeed. 

We  sailed  from  Bombay  on  Lady-day ;  and  on  the  morn- 
ing of  Easter  saw  the  land  of  Mekran  in  Persia.  After  an- 
other week's  sail  across  the  mouth  of  the  Gulf,  we  arrived 
here,  and  expect  to  proceed  up  the  Gulf  to  Bushire,  as  soon 
as  we  have  taken  in  our  water.     You  will  be  happy  to  learn, 

*  Sir  James  in  recording  this  call  in  his  journal,  speaks  of  Martyn  as  "a 
man  of  acuteness  and  learning."  "  We  had  two  or  three  hours  good  dis- 
cussion on  grammar  and  metaphysics." 


444  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1811. 

that  the  murderous  pirates  against  whom  we  were  sent,  hav- 
ing received  notice  of  our  approach,  are  all  got  out  of  the 
ivay  ;  so  that  I  am  no  longer  liable  to  be  shot  in  a  battle,  or 
to  decapitation  after  it,  if  it  be  lawful  to  judge  from  appear- 
ances. These  pestilent  Ishmaelites  indeed,  whose  hand  is 
against  every  man,  will  escape,  and  the  community  suffer ; 
but  that  selfish  friendship,  of  which  you  once  confessed  your- 
self guilty,  will  think  only  of  the  preservation  of  a  friend. 
This  last  marine  excursion  has  been  the  pleasantest  I  ever 
made,  as  I  have  been  able  to  pursue  my  studies  with  less 
interruption  than  when  ashore.  My  little  congregation  of 
forty  or  fifty  Europeans  does  not  try  my  strength  on  Sun- 
days ;  and  my  two  companions  are  men  who  read  their  Bible 
every  day.  In  addition  to  all  these  comforts,  I  have  to  bless 
God  for  having  kept  me  more  than  usually  free  from  the  sor- 
rowful riiind.  "We  must  not  always  say  with  Watts,  "the 
sorrows  of  the  mind  be  banished  from  the  place  ;"  but  if 
freedom  from  trouble  be  oflfered  us,  we  may  choose  it  rather. 
I  do  not  know  anything  more  delightful  than  to  meet  with  a 
Christian  brother,  where  only  strangers  and  foreigners  were 
expected.  This  pleasure  I  enjoyed  just  before  leaving  Bom- 
bay ;  a  ropemaker,  who  had  just  come  from  England,  under- 
stood from  my  sermon  that  I  was  one  he  might  speak  to,  so 
he  came  and  opened  his  heart,  and  we  rejoiced  together.  In 
this  ship  I  find  another  of  the  household  of  faith.  In  an- 
other ship  which  accompanies  us,  there  are  two  Armenians, 
who  do  nothing  but  read  the  Testament.  One  of  them  will, 
I  hope,  accompany  me  to  Shiraz,  in  Persia,  which  is  his  na- 
tive country. 

We  are  likely  to  be  detained  here  some  days  ;  but  the  ship 
that  will  carry  our  letters  to  India  sails  immediately,  so  that 
I  can  send  but  one  letter  to  England,  and  one  to  Calcutta. 
When  will  our  correspondence  be  established  ?  I  have  been 
trying  to  eflfect  it  these   six  years,  and  it  is  only  yet  in  train. 


1811.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  445 

Why  there  was  no  letter  from  you  in  those  dated  June  and 
July,  1810,  I  cannot  conjecture,  except  that  you  had  not  re- 
ceived any  of  mine,  and  would  write  no  ncyove.  But  I  am 
not  yet  without  hopes  that  a  letter  in  the  beloved  hand  will 
yet  overtake  me  somewhere.  My  kindest  and  most  affection- 
ate remembrances  to  all  the  Western  circle.     Is  it  because 

he  is  your  brother,  that  I  love so  much  ?  or  because  he 

is  the  last  come  into  the  number  ?  The  angels  love  and 
wait  upon  the  righteous  who  need  no  repentance  ;  but  there 
is  joy,  whenever  another  heir  of  salvation  is  born  into  the 
family.  Read  Eph.  i.  I  cannot  wish  you  all  these  spiritual 
blessings,  since  they  already  are  all  youis ;  but  I  pray  that 
we  may  have  the  spirit  of  wisdom  and  knowledge,  to  know 
that  they  are  ours.  It  is  a  chapter  I  keep  in  mind  every 
day  in  praj^er.  We  cannot  believe  too  much,  or  hope  too 
much.  Happy  our  eyes  that  they  see,  and  our  ears  that 
they  hear ! 

Believe  me  to  be  ever,  my  dearest  Lydia, 
Your  most  affectionate, 

H.  Martyn. 

May  22.  Landed  at  Bushire  this  morning  in  good  health  ; 
how  unceasing  are  the  mercies  of  the  Lord  !  blessed  be  his 
goodness,  may  he  still  preserve  me  from  danger,  and  above 
all,  make  my  journey  a  source  of  future  good  to  this  kingdom 
of  Persia,  into  which  I  am  now  come.  We  were  hospitably 
received  by  the  acting  Resident.  In  the  evening  I  walked 
out  by  the  sea-side,  to  recollect  myself,  to  review  the  past, 
and  look  forward  to  the  future. 

May  27.  Very  ill,  from  head-ache  and  overpowering 
sleepiness,  arising,  as  I  suppose,  from  a  stroke  of  the  sun. 
As  often  as  I  attempted  to  read,  I  fell  asleep,  and  awoke  in 
weakness  and  pain.  How  easily  may  existence  be  embit- 
tered !    still  I  will  say,  "  not  my  will,  but  thine  be  done." 


4lG  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1811. 

In  the  evening,  a  Jewish  goldsmith  called  with  a  fine  boy, 
who  read  the  Hebrew  fluently.  Grief  has  marked  the  coun- 
tenance of  the  eastern  Jews,  in  a  way  that  makes  them 
indescribably  interesting.  I  could  have  w^ept,  while  looking 
at  them.  O  Lord,  how  long?  Wilt  thine  anger  burn  for 
ever — is  not  justice  yet  satisfied  ?  This  afflicted  people  are 
as  much  oppressed  in  Persia  as  ever.  Their  women  are  not 
allowed  to  veil,  as  all  others  are  required  to  do ;  hence,  if 
there  be  one  more  than  ordinarily  beautiful,  she  is  soon 
known,  and  a  Khan  or  the  King  sends  for  her,  makes  her  a 
Mahometan,  and  puts  her  into  the  harem.  As  soon  as  he  is 
tired,  she  is  given  to  another,  and  then  to  another,  till  she 
becomes  the  property  of  the  most  menial  servant ;  such  is 
the  deijradation  to  which  the  dauo-hters  of  Israel  are  sub- 
jected. 

May  28.  Through  the  infinite  and  unmerited  goodness  of 
God,  I  am  ao-ain  Restored,  and  able  to  do  somethinir  in  the 
way  of  reading.  The  Resident  gave  us  some  account  this 
evening  of  the  moral  state  of  Persia.  It  is  enough  to  make 
one  shudder.  If  God  rained  down  fire  upon  Sodom  and 
Gomorrha,  how  is  it,  that  this  nation  is  not  blotted  out  from 
under  heaven  ?  I  do  not  remember  to  have  heard  such 
things  of  the  Hindoos,  except  the  Seiks  ;  they  seem  to  rival 
the  Mahometans. 

May  30.  Our  Persian  aresses  being  ready,  we  set  off'  this 
eveninof  for  Shiraz.  It  was  a  fine  moonlio-ht  nio-ht,  about  ten 
o'clock,  when  we  marched  out  of  the  gate  of  Bushire,  and 
began  to  make  our  way  over  tlie  plain.  This  was  the  first 
time  we  had  any  of  us  put  oft"  the  European  ;  and  the  novelty 
of  our  situation  supplied  us  with  many  subjects  for  conver- 
sation for  about  two  hours  ;  when  we  began  to  flag  and  grow 
sleepy,  and  the  Kafila  was  pretty  quiet,  one  of  the  muleteers 
on  foot  began  to  sing. 


1811.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  44T 

SiiiRAZ,  June  23,  1811. 
My  dearest  Lydia, 

How  continually  I  think  of  you,  and  indeed  converse  with 
you,  it  is  impossible  to  say.  But  on  the  Lord's  day  in  par- 
ticular, I  find  you  much  in  my  thoughts,  because  it  is  on  that 
day  that  I  look  abroad,  and  take  a  view  of  the  universal 
church,  of  which  I  observe  that  the  saints  in  England  form 
the  most  conspicuous  part.  On  that  day  too,  I  indulge  my- 
self with  a  view  of  the  past,  and  look  over  again  those  happy 
days,  when  in  company  with  those  I  loved,  I  went  up  to  the 
house  of  God  with  a  voice  of  praise.  How  then  should  I  fail 
to  remember  her,  who,  of  all  that  are  dear  to  me,  is  the 
dearest  ?  It  is  true,  that  I  cannot  look  back  upon  many 
days,  nor  even  many  hours  passed  with  you ; — would  they 
had  been  more ; — but  we  have  insensibly  become  more 
acquainted  with  each  other,  so  that,  on  my  part  at  least,  it 
may  be  said,  that  separation  has  brought  us  nearer  to  one 
another.  It  was  a  momentary  interview,  but  the  love  is  last- 
ing, everlasting.  Whether  we  ever  meet  again  or  not,  I  am 
sure  that  you  will  continue  to  feel  an  interest  in  all  that 
befalls  me. 

After  the  death  of  my  dear  sister,  you  bid  me  consider, 
that  I  had  one  sister  left  while  you  remained  ;  and  you  can- 
not imagine  how  consolatory  to  my  mind  this  assui-ance  is. 
To  know  that  there  is  one  who  is  wiUing  to  think  of  me,  and 
has  leisure  to  do  so,  is  soothing  to  a  degree  that*!\onis  can 
know,  but  those  who  have,  like  me,  lost  all  their  relations. 

I  sent  you  a  letter  from  Muscat  in  Arabia,  which  I  hope  you 
received ;  for  if  not,  report  will  again  erase  my  name  from 
the  catalogue  of  the  living,  as  I  sent  no  other  to  Europe. 
Let  me  here  say,  with  praise  to  our  ever-gracious  heavenly 
Father,  that  I  am  in  perfect  health  ;  of  my  spirits  I  cannoi 
say  much ;  I  fancy  they  would  be  better,  were  "  the  beloved 
Persis"  by  ray  side.     This  name,  which  I  once   gave  you 


448  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1811. 

occurs  to  me  at  this  moment,  I  suppose,  because  I  am  in 
Persia,  entrenched  in  one  of  its  valleys,  separated  from  Indian 
friends  by  chains  of  mountains  and  a  roaring  sea,  among  a 
people  depraved  beyond  all  belief,  in  the  power  of  a  tyrant 
guilty  of  every  species  of  atrocity.  Imagine  a  pale  person 
seated  on  a  Persian  carpet,  in  a  room  without  table  or  chair, 
with  a  pair  of  formidable  mustachios,  and  habited  as  a  Per- 
sian, and  you  see  me. 

June  26.  Here  I  expect  to  remain  six  months.  The  reason 
is  this  ;  I  found  on  my  arrival  here,  that  our  attempts  at 
Persian  translation  in  India  were  good  for  nothing ;  at  the 
same  time  they  proposed,  with  my  assistance,  to  make  a  new 
translation.  It  was  an  offer  I  could  not  refuse,  as  they  speak 
the  purest  dialect  of  the  Persian.  My  host  is  a  man  of  rank, 
his  name  Jaffier  Ali  Khan,  who  tries  to  make  the  period  of 
my  captivity  as  agreeable  as  possible.  His  wife, — for  he  has 
but  one — never  appears  ;  parties  of  young  ladies  come'^to  see 
her ;  but  though  they  stay  days  in  the  house,  he  dare  not  go 
into  the  room  where  they  are.  Without  intending  a  compli- 
ment to  your  sex,  I  must  say,  that  the  society  here,  from  the 
exclusion  of  females,  is  as  dull  as  it  can  well  be.  Perhaps, 
however,  to  a  stranger  like  myself,  the  most  social  circles 
would  be  insipid.  I  am  visited  by  all  the  great  and  the 
learned  ;  the  former  come  out  of  respect  to  my  country,  the 
latter  to  my  profession.  The  conversation  with  the  latter  is 
always  upon  religion:  and  it  would  be  strange  indeed,  if, 
with  the  armor  of  truth  on  the  right  hand  and  on  the  left,  I 
■were  not  able  to  combat  with  success,  the  upholders  of  such 
a  system  of  absurdity  and  sin.  As  the  Persians  are  a  far 
more  unprejudiced  and  inquisitive  people  than  the  Indians, 
and  do  not  stand  quite  so  much  in  awe  of  an  Englishman,  as 
the  timid  natives  of  Hindoostan,  I  hope  they  will  learn  some- 
thing from  me  ;  the  hope  of  this  reconciles  me  to  the  neces- 
sity imposed  on  me  of  staying  here ;  about  the  translation  I 


1811.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  449 

dare  not  be  sanguine.  The  prevailing  opinion  concernino*  me 
is,  that  I  have  repaired  to  Shiraz  in  order  to  become  a  Mus- 
sulman. Others,  more  sagacious,  say,  that  I  shall  brintr  from 
India  some  more,  under  pretence  of  making  them  Mussulmans, 
but,  in  reality,  to  seize  the  place.  They  do  not  seem  to  have 
thought  of  my  wish,  to  have  them  converted  to  my  religion  ; 
they  have  been  so  long  accustomed  to  remain  without 
^proselytes  to  their  own.  I  shall  probably  have  very  little  to 
write  about  for  some  months  to  come,  and  therefore  I  reserve 
the  extracts  of  my  journal  since  I  last  wrote  to  you,  for  some 
other  opportunity,  besides  that  the  ambassador  with  whose 
dispatches  this  will  go,  is  just  leaving  Shiraz. 

July  2.  The  Mahomedans  now  come  in  such  numbers  to 
visit  me,  that  I  am  obliged,  for  the  sake  of  my  translation- 
work,  to  decline  seeing  them.  To-day  one  of  the  apostate 
sons  of  Israel  was  brought  by  a  party  of  them,  to  prove  the 
divine  mission  of  Mahommed  from  the  Hebrew  Scriptures  ; 
but  with  all  his  sophistiy  he  proved  noticing.  I  can  almost 
say  with  St.  Paul,  I  feel  continual  pity  in  my  heart  for  them, 
and  love  them  for  their  Father's  sake,  and  find  a  pleasure  in 
praying  for  them.  While  speaking  of  the  return  of  the  Jews 
to  Jerusalem,  I  observed,  tliat  the  "  gospel  of  the  kingdom 
must  first  be  preached  in  all  the  world,  and  then  shall  the 
end  come."  He  replied  with  a  sneer,  "  And  this  event,  I 
suppose  you  mean  to  sa}^,  is  beginning  to  take  place  by  your 
bringing  the  gospel  to  Persia." 

July  5.  I  am  so  incessantly  occupied  with  visitors  and  my 
work,  that  I  have  hardly  a  moment  for  myself.  I  have  more 
and  more  reason  to  rejoice  at  my  being  sent  here  ;  there  is 
such  an  extraordinary  stir  about  religion  throughout  the  city, 
that  some  good  must  come  of  it.  I  sometimes  sigh  for  a  lit- 
tle Christian  communion  ;  yet  even  from  these  Mahomedans 
I  hear  remarks  that  do  me  good  ;  to-day,  for  instance,  my 
assistant  observed,  *'  how  he  loved  those  twelve  persons ;" 


450    •        JOURNAL  AND  LETTERS         [1811. 

yes,  said  T,  and  not  those  twelve  only,  but  all  those  who 
shall  believe  in  him  ;  as  he  said,  "  I  pray  not  for  them  alone, 
but  for  all  them  who  shall  believe  on  me  through  their  word." 
Even  the  enemy  is  constrained  to  wonder  at  the  love  of  Christ. 
Shall  not  the  object  of  it  say.  What  manner  of  love  is  this  ? 
I  have  seen  Europe  newspapers  of  only  four  months  date,  so 
that  I  am  delightfully  near  you.  May  we  live  near  one 
another  in  the  unity  of  the  Spirit,  having  one  Lord,  one  hope, 
one  God  and  Father  !  In  your  prayers  for  me,  pray  that 
utterance  may  be  given  me,  that  I  may  open  my  mouth 
boldly,  to  make  known  the  mysteries  of  the  gospel.  I  often 
envy  my  Persian  hearers  the  freedom  and  eloquence  with 
which  they  speak  to  me.  Were  I  but  possessed  of  their 
powers,  I  sometimes  think  that  I  should  win  them  all ;  but 
the  Avork  is  God's,  and  the  faith  of  his  people  does  not  stand 
in  the  wisdom  of  men,  but  in  the  power  of  God.  Remember 
me  as  usual  with  the  most  unfeigned  affection  to  all  my  dear 
friends.  This  is  now  the  seventh  letter  I  send  you,  without 
ha\'ing  received  an  answer. 

Farewell,  your's. 

Ever  most  affectionately, 

H.  Martyn 

Shiraz,  Sept.  8,  1811. 
My  Dearest  Lydia, 

A  courier  on  his  way  to  the  capital  affords  me  the  unex- 
pected pleasure  of  addressing  my  most  beloved  friend.  It  is 
now  six  months  since  I  left  India,  and  in  all  that  time  I  have 
not  heard  from  thence.  The  dear  friends  there,  happy  in 
each  other's  society,  do  not  enough  call  to  mind  my  forlorn 
condition.  Here  I  am  still,  beset  by  caviUing  infidels,  and 
making  very  little  progress  in  my  translation,  and  half  dis- 
posed to  give  it  up,  and  come  away.  My  kind  host,  to  re- 
lieve the  tedium  of  being  always  within  a  walled  town,  pitched 


1811.]  OF   THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  451 

a  tent  for  me  in  a  garden  a  little  distance,  and  there  I  lived 
amidst  clusters  of  grapes,  by  the  side  of  a  clear  stream ;  but 
nothing  compensates  for  the  loss  of  the  excellent  of  the  earth. 
It  is  my  business,  however,  as  you  will  say,  and  ought  to  be 
my  effort,  to  make  saints  where  I  cannot  find  them.  I  do 
use  the  means  in  a  certain  way ;  but  frigid  reasoning  with 
men  of  perverse  minds  seldom  brings  men  to  Christ.  How- 
ever, as  they  require  it,  I  reason,  and  accordingly  challenged 
them  to  prove  the  divine  mission  of  their  prophet.  In  con- 
sequence of  this,  a  learned  Arabic  Treatise  was  written  by 
one,  who  was  considered  as  the  most  able  man,  and  put  into 
my  hands ;  copies  of  it  were  also  given  to  the  college  and 
the  learned.  The  writer  of  it  said,  that  if  I  could  give  a 
satisfactory  answer  to  it,  he  would  become  a  Christian,  and, 
at  all  events,  would  make  my  reply  as  public  as  I  pleased. 
I  did  answer  it,  and  after  some  faint  efforts  on  his  part  to  de- 
fend himself,  he  acknowledged  the  force  of  my  arguments, 
but  was  afraid  to  let  them  be  generally  known.  He  then  be- 
gan to  inquire  about  the  gospel,  but  was  not  satisfied  with  my 
statement.  He  required  me  to  jDrove  from  the  very  begin- 
ning the  divine  mission  of  Moses,  as  well  as  of  Christ ;  the 
truth  of  the  Scriptures,  &c.  With  very  little  hope  that  any 
good  will  come  of  it,  I  am  now  employed  in  drawing  out  the 
evidences  of  the  truth ;  but  oh,  that  I  could  converse,  and 
reason,  and  plead  with  power  from  on  high  !  How  power- 
less are  the  best-directed  arguments,  till  the  Holy  Ghost  ren- 
ders them  effectual ! 

A  few  days  ago  I  was  just  on  the  eve  of  my  departure  for 
Ispahan,  as  I  thought,  and  my  translator  had  consented  to 
accompany  me  as  far  as  Bagdad  ;  but  just  as  we  were  setting 
out,  news  came  that  the  Persians  and  Turks  were  fighting 
thereabouts,  and  that  the  road  was  in  consequence  impassa- 
ble.    I  do  not  know  what  the  Lord's  purpose  may  be  in  keep- 


452  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1811. 

ing  me  here  ;  but  I  trust  it  will  be  for  the  furtherance  of  the 
gospel  of  Christ,  and  in  that  belief  I  abide  contentedly. 

I  am  happy  to  say  that  I  am  quite  well,  indeed  never 
better  ;  no  returns  of  pain  in  the  chest  since  I  left  India, 
May  I  soon  receive  the  welcome  news  that  you,  also,  are  well 
and  prospering,  even  as  your  soul  prospers  !  I  read  your 
letters  incessantly,  and  try  to  find  out  something  new,  as  I 
generally  do  ;  but  I  begin  to  look  with  pain  at  the  distant 
date  of  the  last.  I  cannot  tell  what  to  think  ;  but  I  cast  all 
my  care  upon  him  who  hath  already  done  w^onders  for  me, 
and  am  sure  that,  come  what  will,  it  shall  be  good,  it  shall  be 
best.  How  sweet  the  privilege,  that  we  may  lie  as  little  chil- 
dren before  him !  I  find  that  my  wisdom  is  folly,  and  my 
care  useless ;  so  that  I  try  to  live  on  from  day  to  day,  happy 
in  his  love  and  care.  May  that  God  who  hath  loved  us,  and 
given  us  everlasting  consolation,  and  good  hope  through  grace, 
bless,  love,  and  keep  my  ever  dearest  friend  !  and  dwelling  in 
the  secret  place  of  the  Most  High,  and  abiding  under  the 
shadow  of  the  Almighty,  may  she  enjoy  that  sweet  tranquillity 
which  the  world  cannot  disturb  !  Dearest  Lydia !  pray  for 
me,  and  believe  me  to  be  ever  most  faithfully  and  affection- 
ately yours, 

H.  Martyn. 

Shiraz,  Sept.  12,  1811. 
Dearest  Brother, 

I  can  hardly  conceive,  or  at  least  am  not  willing  to  believe, 
that  you  would  forget  me  six  successive  months  ;  I  conclude, 
therefore,  that  you  must  have  written,  though  I  have  not  seen 
your  hand- writing  since  I  left  Calcutta. 

The  Persian  translation  goes  on  but  slowly.  I  and  my 
translator  have  been  engaged  in  a  controversy  with  his  uncle, 
which  has  left  us  little  leisure  for  anything  else.  As  there  is 
nothing  at  all  in  this  dull  place  to  take  the  attention  of  the 


1811.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  453 

people — no  trade,  manufactures,  or  news— every  event  at  all 
novel  is  interesting  to  them.  You  may  conceive,  therefore, 
what  a  strong  sensation  was  produced  by  the  stab  I  &imed  at 
the  vitals  of  Mahommed.  Before  five  people  had  seen  what 
I  wrote,  defences  of  Islam  swarmed  into  ephemeral  being  from 
all  the  Moulwee  maggots  of  the  place,  but  the  more  judicious 
men  were  ashamed  to  let  me  see  them.  One  Moollah,  called 
Aga  Acber,  was  determined  to  distinguish  himself.  He  wrote 
with  great  acrimony  on  the  margin  of  my  pamphlet ;  but 
passion  had  blinded  his  reason,  so  that  he  smote  the  wind. 

I  do  not  find  myself  improving  in  Persian ;  indeed  I  take 
no  pains  to  speak  it  well,  not  perceiving  it  to  be  of  much 
consequence.  India  is  the  land,  where  we  can  act  at  present 
with  most  effect.  It  is  true  that  the  Persians  are  more  sus- 
ceptible, but  the  terrors  of  an  inquisition  are  always  hanging 
over  them.  I  can  now  conceive  no  greater  happiness,  than 
to  be  settled  for  life  in  India,  superintending  native  schools, 
as  we  did  at  Patna  and  Chunar.  To  preach  so  as  to  be 
readily  understood  by  the  poor,  is  a  difficulty  that  appears  to 
me  almost  insuperable. 

However,  why  should  we  despair  ?  If  I  live  to  see  India 
again,  I  shall  set  to,  and  learn  Hindee  in  order  to  preach. 
The  day  may  come,  when  even  our  word  may  be  with  the 
Holy  Ghost  and  with  power.  It  is  now  almost  a  year  since 
I  left  Cawnpore,  and  my  journey  is  but  beginning  :  when 
shall  I  ever  get  back  again  ?  I  am  often  tempted  to  get 
away  from  this  prison,  but  again  I  recollect,  that  some  years 
hence,  I  shall  say,  When  I  was  at  Shiraz,  why  did  not  I  get 
the  New  Testament  done  ?  What  difference  would  a  fcAv 
months  have  made  ?  In  August  I  passed  some  days  at  a 
vineyard,  about  a  parasang  from  the  city,  where  my  host 
pitched  a  tent  for  me  ;  but  it  was  so  cold  at  night,  that  I  was 
glad  to  get  back  to  the  city  again.  Though  I  occupy  a  room 
in  his  house,  I  provide  for  myself.    Victuals  are  cheap  enough, 


454  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1811. 

especially  fruit ;  the  grapes,  pears,  and  water-melons  are  deli- 
cious ;  indeed,  such  a  country  for  fruit  I  had  no  conception 
of.  I  have  a  fine  horse,  which  I  bought  for  less  than  a  hun- 
dred rupees,  on  which  I  ride  every  morning  round  the  walls. 
My  vain  servant,  Zachariah,  anxious  that  his  master  should 
appear  hke  an  ameer,  furnished  him,  i.  e.  the  horse,  with  a 
saddle,  or  rather  a  pillion,  -which  fairly  covers  his  whole  back ; 
it  has  all  the  colors  of  the  rainbow  ;  but  yellow  is  predomi- 
nant, and  from  it  hang  down  four  large  tassels,  also  yellow. 
But  all  my  finery  does  not  defend  me  from  the  boys.  Some 
cry  out,  Ho,  Russ  ;  others  cry  out,  Feringee  !  One  day  a 
brickbat  w^'is  flung  at  me,  and  hit  me  on  the  hip  wnth  such 
force,  that  I  felt  it  quite  a  providential  escape.  Most  of  the 
day  I  am  about  the  translation,  sometimes  at  a  leisure  hour 
trying  at  Isaiah,  in  order  to  get  help  from  the  Persian  Jews. 
My  Hebrew  reveries  have  quite  disappeared,  merely  for  want 
of  leisure.  I  forgot  to  say,  that  I  have  been  to  visit  the  ruins 
of  Persepolis  ;  but  this,  with  many  other  things,  must  be  re- 
served for  a  hot  afternoon  at  CaAvnpore. 

What  would  I  give  for  a  few  lines  from  you,  to  say  how 
the  men  come  on,  and  whether  their  numbers  are  increasing, 

-whether  you  meet  the  S 's  at  the  evening  repast,  as  when 

I  was  there  ?  My  kindest  love  to  them,  your  sister,  and  all 
that  love  us  in  the  truth.  May  the  grace  of  the  Lord  Jesus 
Christ  be  with  your  spirit,  and  with  your  faithful  and  affec- 
tionate brother. 

H.  Marttn. 
Rev.  D.  CoRRXE. 

Shiraz,  October  21,  1811. 
My  dearest  L-tdia, 

*  ^  *  It  is,  I  think,  about  a 

month  since  I  wrote  to  you,  and  so  little  has  occurred  since, 
that  I  find  scarcely  anything  in  my  journal,  and  nothing 
worth  transcribing.     This  state  of  inactivity  is  becoming  very 


1811.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  455 

irksome  to  me.  I  cannot  get  these  Persians  to  work,  and 
while  they  are  idle,  I  am  sitting  here  to  no  purpose.  Sabat's 
laziness  used  to  provoke  me  excessively ;  but  Persians  I  find 
are  as  torpid  as  Arabs,  when  their  salary  does  not  depend  on 
their  exertions ;  and  both  very  inferior  to  the  feeble  Indian, 
whom  they  affect  to  despise.  My  translator  comes  about 
sunrise,  corrects  a  little,  and  is  off,  and  I  see  no  more  of  him 
for  the  day.  Meanwhile  I  sit  fretting,  or  should  do  so,  as  I 
did  at  first,  were  it  not  for  a  blessed  employment,  which  so 
beguiles  the  tediousness  of  the  day,  that  I  hardly  perceive  it 
passing.  It  is  the  study  of  the  Psalms  in  the  Hebrew,  I 
have  long  had  it  in  contemplation,  in  the  assurance,  from  the 
number  of  flat  and  obscure  passages  that  occur  in  the  trans- 
lations, that  the  original  has  not  been  hitherto  perfectly  un- 
derstood. I  am  delighted  to  find,  that  many  of  the  most  un- 
meaning verses  in  the  version  tura  out,  on  close  examination, 
to  contain  a  direct  reference  to  the  Lord  our  Saviour.  The 
testimony  of  Jesus  is  indeed  the  spirit  of  prophecy.  He  is 
never  lost  sight  of.  Let  them  touch  what  subject  they  will, 
they  must  always  let  fall  something  about  him.  Such  should 
we  be,  looking  always  to  him.  I  have  often  attempted  the 
84th  Psalm,  endeared  to  me  on  many  accounts,  as  j^ouknow, 
but  have  not  yet  succeeded.  The  glorious  16th  Psalm  I 
hope  I  have  mastered.  I  write  with  the  ardor  of  a  student, 
communicating  his  discoveries,  and  describing  his  difficulties 
to  a  fellow -student. 

I  think  of  you  incessantly,  too  much,  I  fear,  sometimes ; 
yet  the  recollection  of  you  is  generally  attended  with  an  ex- 
ercise of  resignation  to  his  will.  In  prayer  I  often  feel  what 
you  described  five  years  ago  as  having  felt, — a  particular 
pleasure  in  viewing  you  as  with  me  before  the  Lord,  and  en- 
treating our  common  Father  to  bless  both  his  children. 
When  I  sit  and  muse,  my  spirit  flies  away  to  you,  and  attends 
you  at  Gurlyn,  Penzance,  Plymouth  Dock,  and  sometimes 


456  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1811. 

with  your  brother  in  London.  If  you  acknowledge  a  kindred 
feeUng  still,  we  are  not  separated ;  our  spirits  have  met  and 
blended.  I  still  continue  without  intelligence  from  India; 
since  last  January  I  have  heard  nothing  of  any  one  person 
whom  I  love.  My  consolation  is,  that  the  Lord  has  you  all 
under  his  care,  and  is  carrying  on  bis  work  in  the  world  by 
your  means,  and  that  when  I  emerge,  I  shall  find  tbat  some 
progress  is  made  in  India  especially,  the  country  I  now  re- 
gard as  my  own.  Persia  is,  in  many  respects,  a  field  ripe  for 
tbe  harvest.  Vast  numbers  secretly  hate  and  despise  the 
superstition  imposed  on  them,  and  as  many  of  them  as  have 
heard  the  gospel  approve  it ;  but  they  dare  not  hazard  their 
lives  for  the  nam.e  of  the  Lord  Jesus. 

Though  I  have  complained  above  of  the  inactivity  of  my 
translator,  I  have  reason  to  bless  the  Lord  that  he  thus  sup- 
plies Gibeonites  for  the  help  of  his  true  Israel.  They  are 
employed  in  a  work,  of  the  importance  of  which  they  are 
unconscious,  and  are  making  provision  for  future  Persian 
saints,  whose  time  is,  I  suppose,  now  near.  Roll  back,  ye 
crowded  years,  your  thick  array  !  Let  the  long,  long  period 
of  darkness  and  sin  at  last  give  way  to  the  brighter  hours  of 
light  and  liberty,  which  wait  on  the  wings  of  the  sun  of 
righteousness.  Perhaps  we  witness  the  dawn  of  the  day  of 
glory :  and  if  not,  the  desire  that  we  feel,  that  Jesus  may  be 
glorified,  and  the  nations  acknowledge  his  sway,  is  the  ear- 
nest of  the  Spirit,  that  when  he  shall  appear,  we  shall  also 
appear  with  him  in  glory.  Kind  love  to  all  the  saints  who 
are  waiting  his  coming. 

Your's  with  true  aflfection. 

My  ever  dearest  Lydia. 

H.  Martyn. 

It  is  now  determined  that  we  leave  Shiraz  in  a  week,  and 
as  the  road  through  Persia  is  impassable  through  the  com- 


1811.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  457 

motions,  which  are  always  disturbing  some  part  or  otlier  of 
this  unhappy  country,  I  must  go  back  to  Bushire. 

Oct.  21-29.  Finished  Psalm  xii.  Reading  the  5th  of  St. 
Matthew  to  Zachariah  my  servant.  Felt  awfully  convinced 
of  guilt ;  how  fearlessly  del  give  way  to  causeless  anger, 
speaking  contemptuously  of  men,  as  if  I  had  never  read  this 
chapter  !  The  Lord  deliver  me  from  all  my  wickedness,  and 
write  his  holy  law  upon  my  heart,  that  I  may  walk  circum- 
spectly before  him  all  the  remaining  days  of  my  life  ! 

Nov.  1.  Everything  was  prepared  for  our  journey  to  Bag- 
dad by  the  Persian  Gulf;  and  a  large  party  of  Shiraz  ladies, 
chiefly  of  Mirza  Seid  Ali's  family,  had  determined  to  accom- 
pany us  ;  partly  from  a  wish  to  visit  the  tombs,  and  partly  to 
have  the  company  of  their  relations  a  little  longer.  But  a 
letter  arriving,  with  the  intelligence  that  Bagdad  was  all  in 
confusion,  our  kafila  separated,  and  I  resolved  to  go  on 
through  Persia  to  Armenia,  and  so  to  Syria.  But  the  season 
was  too  far  advanced  for  me  to  think  of  traversing  the  re- 
gions of  Caucasus  just  then  ;  so  I  made  up  my  mind  to 
winter  at  Shiraz. 

Shieaz,  December  12,  1811 
Dearest  Brother, 

Your  letters  of  January  28  and  April  22  have  just  reached 
me.  After  being  a  whole  year  without  any  tidings  of  you, 
you  may  conceive  how  much  they  have  tended  to  revive  my 
spirits.  Indeed  I  know  not  how  to  be  sufficiently  thankful 
to  our  God  and  Father  for  giving  me  a  brother,  who  is  indeed 
a  brother  to  my  soul,  and  thus  follows  me  with  affectionate 
prayers  wherever  I  go,  and  more  than  supplies  my  place  to 
the  precious  flock,  over  whom  the  Holy  Ghost  hath  made  us 
overseers.  There  is  only  one  thing  in  your  letters,  that 
makes  me  uneasy  ;  and  that  is,  the  oppression  you  complain 
20 


458  .  JOURNAL  AND  LETTERS  [1811 

of  in  the  hot  weather.  As  you  will  have  to  pass  anothei 
hot  season  at  Cawnpore,  and  I  do  not  know  how  many  more, 
I  must  again  urge  you  to  spare  yourself.  I  am  endeavoring 
to  learn  the  true  use  of  time  in  a  new  way,  by  placing  my- 
self in  idea  twenty  or  thirty  years  in  advance,  and  then  con- 
sidering how  I  ought  to  have  managed  twenty  or  thirty  years 
ago.  In  racing  violently  for  a  year  or  two,  and  then  break- 
ing down  ?  In  this  way  I  have  reasoned  myself  into  content- 
ment, about  staying  so  long  at  Shiraz.  I  thought  at  first, 
what  will  the  government  in  India  think  of  my  being  away 
so  long,  or  what  will  my  friends  think  ?  Shall  I  not  appear 
to  all  a  wandering  shepherd,  leaving  the  flock,  and  running 
about  for  my  own  pleasure?  But  placing  myself  twenty 
years  on  in  time,  I  say,  why  could  I  not  stay  at  Shiraz  long 
enough  to  get  a  New  Testament  done  there,  even  if  I  had 
been  detained  there  on  that  account  three  or  six  years  ? 
What  work  of  equal  importance  can  ever  come  from  me  ? 
So  that  now  I  am  resolved  to  wait  here  till  the  New  Testa- 
ment is  finished,  though  I  incur  the  displeasure  of  Govern- 
ment, or  even  be  dismissed  the  service.  I  have  been  many 
times  on  the  eve  of  my  departure,  as  my  translator  promised 
to  accompany  me  to  Bagdad ;  but  that  city  being  in  great 
confusion,  he  is  afraid  to  trust  himself  there ;  so  I  resolved 
to  go  westward  through  tlie  north  of  Persia,  but  found  it 
impossible,  on  account  of  the  snow  which  blocks  up  the  roads 
in  winter,  to  proceed  till  spring.  Here  I  am,  therefore,  for 
three  months  more  ;  our  Testament  will  be  finished,  please 
God,  in  six  weeks.  I  go  on  as  usual,  riding  round  the  walls 
in  the  morning,  and  singing  hymns  at  night  over  my  milk 
and  water,  for  tea  I  have  none,  though  I  much  want  it.  I 
am  with  you  in  spirit  almost  every  evening,  and  feel  a  bliss 
I  cannot  describe,  in  being  one  with  the  dear  saints  of  God 
all  over  the  earth,  through  one  Lord  and  one  spirit. 

They  continued  throwing  stones  at  me  every  day,  till  hap- 


1811.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  459 

pening  one  day  to  tell  Jaffier  All  Khan,  my  host,  how  one  as 
big  as  my  fist  had  hit  me  in  the  back,  he  wrote  to  the  Go- 
vernor, who  sent  an  order  to  all  the  gates,  that  if  any  one 
insulted  me,  he  should  be  bastinadoed,  and  the  next  day 
came  himself  in  state  to  pay  me  a  visit.  These  measures 
have  had  the  desired  effect ;  they  now  call  me  the  Feringee 
Nabob,  and  very  civilly  offer  me  the  Calean ;  but  indeed  the 
Persian  commonality  are  very  brutes  ;  the  Soofies  declare 
themselves  unable  to  account  for  the  fierceness  of  their  coun- 
trymen, except  it  be  from  the  influence  of  Islam.  After 
speaking  in  my  praise,  one  of  them  added,  "  and  there  are 
the  Hindoos  too,  (who  have  brought  the  guns,)  when  I  saw 
their  gentleness,  I  was  quite  charmed  with  them ;  but  as  for 
our  Iranees,  they  delight  in  nothing  but  tormenting  their 
fellow -creatures."  These  Soofies  are  quite  the  methodists 
of  the  East.  They  delight  in  everything  Christian,  except 
in  being  exclusive.  They  consider  that  all  will  finally  return 
to  God,  from  whom  they  emanated,  or  rather  of  whom  they 
are  only  different  forms.  The  doctrine  of  the  Trinity  they 
admired,  but  not  the  atonement ;  because  the  Mahommedans, 
they  say,  consider  Iman  Hosyn  as  also  crucified  for  the  sins 
of  men :  and  to  everything  Mahommedan  they  have  a  par- 
ticular aversion.  Yet,  withal,  they  conform  externally. 
From  these,  however,  you  will  perceive  the  first  Persian 
church  will  be  formed,  judging  after  the  manner  of  men. 
The  employment  of  my  leisure  hours  is  translating  the 
Psalms  into  Persian.  What  will  poor  Fitrut  do,  when  he 
gets  to  the  poetical  books?  Job,  I  hope,  you  have  let  him 
pass  over.  The  Books  of  Solomon  are  also  in  a  very  sorry 
condition  in  the  English.  The  Prophets  are  all  much  easier, 
and  consequently  better  done.  I  hear  there  is  a  man  at 
Yezid,  that  has  fallen  into  the  same  way  of  thinking  as  my- 
self about  the  letters,  and  professes  to  have  found  out  all  the 
arts  and  sciences  from  them.     I  should  be  glad  to  compare 


460  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1812. 

notes  with  him.  It  is  now  time  for  me  to  bid  you  good 
night.  We  have  had  ice  on  the  pools  some  time,  but  no 
snow  yet.  They  build  their  houses  without  chimneys,  so  if 
we  want  a  fire,  we  must  take  the  smoke  along  with  it.  I 
prefer  wrapping  myself  in  my  sheepskin. 

Your  accounts   of  the  progress  of  the  kingdom  of  God 

among  you  are  truly  refreshing.     Tell  dear  H and  the 

men  of  both  regiments,  that  I  salute  them  much  in  the  Lord, 
and  make  mention  of  them  in  my  prayers.  May  I  continue 
to  hear  thus  of  their  state,  and  if  I  am  spared  to  see  them 
again,  may  we  make  it  evident,  that  we  have  grown  in  grace  ! 

Affectionate  remembrances  to  your  sister  and  S ;  I  hope 

they  continue  to  prosecute  their  labors  of  love.  Remember 
me  to  the  people  of  Cawnpore  who  inquire,  (fee.     Why  have 

not  I  nientioned  Col.  P ?     It  is  not  because  he  is  not  in 

my  heart,  for  there  is  hardly  a  man  in  the  world,  whom  I 
love  and  honor  more.     My  most  Christian  salutations  to  him, 

Your's  affectionately, 

H.  Martyn. 
To  the  Rev.  D.  Corrie. 

January  1-8,  1812.  Spared  by  mercy  to  see  the  begin- 
ning of  another  year.  The  last  has  been  in  some  respects  a 
memorable  year;  transported  in  safety  to  Shiraz,  I  have 
been  led  by  the  particular  providence  of  God  to  undertake  a 
■work,  the  idea  of  which  never  entered  my  mind  till  my  arri- 
val here,  but  which  has  gone  on  without  material  interrup- 
tion, and  is  now  nearly  finished.  To  all  appearance,  the  pre- 
sent year  will  be  more  perilous  than  any  I  have  seen  ;  but  if 
I  live  to  complete  the  Persian  New  Testament,  my  life  after 
that  will  be  of  less  importance.  But  whether  life  or  death 
be  mine,  may  Christ  be  magnified  in  me  !  If  he  has  work 
for  me  to  do,  I  cannot  die. 


1812. j  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  461 

May  12.  a  little  before  sunset  I  left  the  city,  and  at  ten 
at  night  the  cafila  started.     Here  ended  my  stay  at  Shiraz. 

July  9,  Tebriz.  Made  an  extraordinary  effort,  and,  as  a 
Tartar  was  going  off  instantly  to  Constantinople,  wrote  letters 
to  Mr.  Grant  for  permission  to  come  to  England,  and  to  Mr. 
Simeon  and  Lydia,  informing  them  of  it,  but  I  have  scarcely 
the  remotest  expectation  of  seeing  it,  except  by  looking  at 
the  Almighty  power  of  God.  Dined  at  night  at  the  Ambas- 
sador's, who  said,  he  was  determined  to  give  every  possible 
eclat  to  my  book,  by  presenting  it  himself  to  the  king.  My 
fever  never  ceased  to  rage  till  the  21st,  during  all  which 
time  every  effort  was  made  to  subdue  it,  till  I  had  lost  all 
my  strength,  and  almost  all  my  reason.  They  now  adminis- 
ter bark,  and  it  may  please  God  to  bless  the  tonics ;  but  I 
seem  too  far  gone,  and  can  only  say,  "  having  a  desu'e  to  de- 
part and  be  with  Christ,  which  is  far  better." 

Tebri/5,  July  12,  1S12. 

My  Dearest  Lydia, 

I  have  only  time  to  say  that  I  have  received  your  letter  of 
February  14,  Shall  I  pain  your  heart  by  adding,  that  I  am 
in  such  a  state  of  sickness  and  pain,  that  I  can  hardly  w^ritQ 
to  you !  Let  me  rather  observe,  to  obviate  the  gloomy  ap- 
prehension my  letters  to  Mr.  Grant  and  Mr.  Simeon  may  ex- 
cite, that  I  am  likely  soon  to  be  delivered  from  my  fever. 
Whether  I  shall  gain  strength  enough  to  go  on,  rests  on  our 
heavenly  Father,  in  whose  hands  are  all  my  times.  Oh,  his 
precious  grace  !  His  eternal  unchanging  love  in  Christ  to 
my  soul  never  appeared  more  clear,  more  sweet,  more  strong. 
I  ought  to  inform  you,  that  in  consequence  of  the  state  to 
which  I  am  reduced  by  travelling  so  far  over-land  Avithout 
having  half  accomplished  my  journey,  and  the  consequent 
impossibility  of  returning  to  India  the  same  way,  I  have  ap- 
plied for  leave  to  come  on  furlough  to  England.     Perhaps 


402  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS  [1812. 

YOU  will  be  gratified  by  this  intelligence ;  but  oh,  my  dear 
Lydia,  I  must  faithfully  tell  you,  that  the  probability  of  my 
reaching  England  alive,  is  but  small ;  and  this  I  say,  that 
your  expectations  of  seeing  me  again  may  be  moderate,  as 
mine  are  of  seeing  you.  Why  have  you  not  written  more 
about  yourself?  However,  I  am  thankful  for  knowing  that 
you  are  alive  and  well.  Kindest  love  to  all  the  saints  you 
usually  mention. 

Your's  ever  most  faithfully  and  affectionately, 

H.  Martyn. 

Tebeiz,  July  12,  1812. 
My  Dearest  Friend  and  Brother, 

The  Tartar  courier  for  Constantinople,  who  has  been  de- 
layed some  days  on  our  account,  being  to  be  despatched  in- 
stantl)^.  my  little  strength  also  being  nearly  exhausted  by 
writing  to  Mr.  Grant  a  letter  to  be  laid  before  the  court, — I 
have  only  to  notice  some  of  the  particulars  of  your  letter  of 
February  of  this  year.  It  is  not  now  before  me,  neither 
have  I  strength  to  search  for  it  among  my  papers ;  but  from 
the  frequent  attentive  perusals  I  gave  it  during  my  intervals 
of  ease,  I  do  not  imagine  that  any  of  it  has  escaped  my 
memory.  At  present  I  am  in  a  high  fever,  and  cannot  pro- 
perly recollect  myself.  I  shall  ever  love  and  be  grateful  to 
Mr.  Thornton  for  his  kind  attention  to  my  family. 

The  increase  of  godly  young  men  is  precious  news.  If  I 
sink  into  the  grave  in  India,  my  place  will  be  supplied  an 
hundred-fold.  You  will  learn  from  Mr.  Grant,  that  I  have 
applied  for  leave  to  come  to  England  on  furlough  ;  a  measure 
you  will  disapprove ;  but  you  would  not,  were  you  to  see 
the  pitiable  condition  to  wiiich  I  am  reduced,  and  knew 
what  it  is  to  traverse  the  continent  of  Asia  in  the  destitute 
state  in  which  I  am.  If  you  wish  not  to  see  me,  I  can  say 
that  I  think  it  most  probable  that  vou  will  not ;  the  way  be- 


1812.]  OF    THE    REV.    HENRY    MARTYN.  463 

fore  me  being  not  better  than  that  passed  over,  which  has 
nearly  killed  me. 

I  would  not  pain  your  heart,  my  dear  brother;  but 
we  who  are  in  Jesus  have  the  privilege  of  viewing  life 
and  death  as  nearly  the  same,  since  both  are  one;  and 
I  thank  a  gracious  Lord,  that  sickness  never  came  at  a 
time  when  I  was  more  free  from  apparent  reasons  for 
living.  Nothing  seemingly  remains  for  me  to  do,  but  to  fol- 
low the  rest  of  my  family  to  the  tomb.  Let  not  the  book 
written  against  Mahommedanism  be  published,  till  approved  in 
India.  A  European,  who  has  not  lived  amongst  them, 
cannot  imagine  how  differently  they  see,  imagine,  reason, 
object,  from  what  we  do.  This  I  had  full  opportunity  of 
observing  during  my  eleven  months  residence  at  Shiraz. 
During  that  time  I  was  engaged  in  a  written  controversy 
with  one  of  the  most  learned  and  temperate  doctors  there. 
He  began.  I  replied  what  v/as  unanswerable  ;  then  I  sub- 
joined a  second  more  direct  attack  on  the  glaring  absurdities 
of  Mahommedanism,  w^ith  a  statement  of  the  nature  and  evi- 
dences of  Christianity.  The  Soofies  then  as  well  as  himself 
desired  a  demonstration  from  the  very  beginning,  of  the  truth 
of  any  revelation.  As  this  third  treatise  contained  an  exami- 
nation of  the  doctrine  of  the  Soofies,  and  pointed  out  that 
their  object  was  attainable  by  the  Gospel,  and  by  that  only, 
it  was  read  with  interest,  and  convinced  many.  There  is  not 
a  single  Europeanism  in  the  whole  that  I  know  of,  as  my 
friend  and  interpreter  would  not  write  anything  that  he  could 
not  perfectly  comprehend.  But  I  am  exhausted  ;  pray  for 
me,  beloved  brother,  and  believe  that  I  am,  as  long  as  life 
lection  lasts. 

Yours,  affectionately 

H.  Martvn. 
To  the  Rev.  C.  Simeon. 


464  JOURi'fAL    AND    LETTERS  [18i2. 

Tebriz,  August  8. 
My  dearest  Brother  axd  Friend, 

Ever  since  I  wrote,  about  a  month  I  believe,  I  have  been 
lying  upon  the  bed  of  sickness  for  twenty  days  or  more ;  the 
fever  raged  with  great  violence,  and  for  a  long  time  every 
species  of  medicine  was  tried  in  vain.  After  I  had  given  up 
every  hope  of  recovery,  it  pleased  God  to  abate  the  fever  ; 
but  incessant  head-aches  succeeded,  which  allowed  me  no 
rest  day  or  night.  I  was  reduced  still  lower,  and  am  now  a 
mere  skeleton  ;  but  as  they  are  now  less  frequent,  I  suppose 
it  to  be  the  will  of  God,  that  I  should  be  raised  up  to  life 
again.  I  am  now  sitting  in  my  chair,  and  wrote  the  will 
with  a  strong  hand ;  but  as  you  see,  I  cannot  write  so  now. 
Kindest  love  to  Mr.  John  Thornton,  for  whose  temporal  and 
spiritual  prosperity  I  daily  pray. 

Your  ever  affectionate  friend  and  brother, 

H.  Martyn. 
To  the  Rev.  C.  Simeon. 

August  29.  A  day  much  to  be  remembered  for  the 
remarkable  recovery  of  strength,  with  which  it  pleased  God 
to  favor  me.  I  immediately  began  to  gird  up  my  loins,  and 
prepare  myself  for  my  journey. 

Aug.  21-31.  Making  preparations  for  my  journey  to  Con- 
stantinople, a  route  recommended  to  me  by  Sir  Gore  as  safer, 
and  one  in  which  he  could  give  me  letters  of  recommendation 
to  two  Turkish  governors.  With  such  advantages  held  forth, 
I  could  not  but  adopt  this  plan ;  and  the  delightful  thought 
of  being  brought  to  the  borders  of  Europe  without  sustaining 
any  injury,  contributed  more  than  anything  else,  I  believe, 
to  restore  my  health  and  spirits.  Sir  Gore,  wishing  me  not 
to  travel  in  the  same  unprotected  way  that  I  had  done,  pro- 
cured from  the  prince  a  mihmander  for  me,  together  with  an 
order  for  the  use  of  Chappar  horses  all  the  way  to  Erivan. 


1812.]  OF   THE    REV.    HENRY   MARTYN.  465 

These  post-horses,  I  was  told,  were  nothing  else  than  the 
beasts  the  prince's  servants  levy  on  every  village  ;  on  which 
I  determined  not  to  use  them,  and  began  to  look  out  for  a 
muleteer  and  cafila. 

Tebriz,  August  28,  1812. 
My  dearest  Lydia, 

I  wrote  to  you  last  in  great  disorder.  My  fever  had  ap- 
proached nearly  to  delirium,  and  my  debility  was  so  great, 
that  it  seemed  impossible  I  could*  withstand  the  power  of 
disease  many  days. 

Sabat,  about  whom  you  inquire  so  regularly,  I  have  heard 
nothing  of  this  long  time.  My  friends  in  India  have  long 
since  given  me  up  as  lost  or  gone  out  of  reach,  and  if  they 
wrote,  they  would  probably  not  mention  him,  as  he  is  far 
from  being  a  favorite  with  any  of  them.  ,  who  is  him- 
self of  an  impatient  temper,  cannot  tolerate  him ;  indeed  I 
am  pronounced  to  be  the  only  man  in  Bengal,  who  could 
have  lived  with  him  so  long.  He  is,  to  be  sure,  the  most 
tormenting  creature  I  ever  yet  chanced  to  deal  with — peevish, 
proud,  suspicious,  greedy  ;  he  used  to  give  daily  more  and 
more  distressing  proof  of  his  never  having  received  the  saving 
grace  of  God.  But  of  this  you  will  say  nothing  ;  while  his 
interesting  story  is  yet  fresh  in  the  memory  of  people,  his 
failings  had  better  not  be  mentioned.  The  poor  Arab  wrote 
me  a  querulous  epistle  from  Calcutta,  complaining  that  no 
one  took  notice  of  him,  now  that  I  was  gone ;  and  then  he 
proceeds  to  abuse  his  best  friends.  I  have  not  yet  written  to 
reprove  him  for  his  unchristian  sentiments  ;  and  when  I  do, 
I  know  it  will  be  to  no  purpose,  after  all  the  private  lectures 
I  have  given  him.  My  course  from  Constantinople  is  so  un- 
certain, that  I  hardly  know  where  to  desire  you  to  direct  to 
me ;  I  believe  Malta  is  the  only  place,  for  there  I  must  stop 
in  my  way  home.  Soon  we  shall  have  occasion  for  pen  and 
20* 


466  JOURNAL    AND    LETTERS.  [1812. 

ink  no  more ;  but  I  trust  I  shall  shortly  see  thee  face  to  face. 
Love  to  all  the  saints. 

Believe  me  to  be  yours  ever, 

most  faithfully  and  ajffectionately, 

H.  Martyn. 

[The  above  appears  to  have  been  the  last  letter  written  by 
Mr.  Martyn.  On  the  second  of  September,  he  set  out  for 
Constantinople.  His  Journal,  from  that  date,  is  printed 
entire  in  the  Memoir.  The  last  entry  was  made  at  Tocat,  on 
the  sixth  of  October ;  on  the  sixteenth  of  the  same  month 
he  entered  into  rest.l 


THE    END. 


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